Chapter 2

The Nature of Conflict

How do you view conflict As a battle to be won? As a problem to be solved? As a danger? As an opportunity?

Your view of conflict determines, to a large extent,whether or not a creative solution will be found.

Conflict Defined Contemporary definitions focus on interdependence

instead of unalterable opposition. Expamples include: “A situation in which interdependent people express differences

in satisfying their individual needs and interests, and they experience interference from each other in accomplishing these goals” (Donohue & Kolt, 1992)

“Conflict arises when a difference between two or more people necessitates change in at least one person in order for their engagement to continue and develop. The differences cannot coexist without some adjustment.” (Jordan, 1990)

A simple, useful definition Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two

interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals.

Transforming a conflict depends on perceptual or conceptual change in one or more of the parties. Perception is at the core of all conflict analysis. You must sort out what is actually happening from the

perception of what is happening

Continuums of Conflict Management

Continuua from least adjudicative to most adjudicative have been developed by a variety of students of conflict

Least adjudicative: Private decision-making by the parties: Conflict avoidance Informal discussion and problem-solving Negotiation Mediation

Next on Continuum: Private, third-party decision-making

Administrative Arbitration decision

(Note that as you move along the continuum, the likelihood of a win-lose outcome increases)

Next Level: Public, Legal, authoritative third-party decision-making

Judicial, Legislative decision-making

Extralegal coerced decision-making

Nonviolent/Violent Direct action

Elements of Conflict

The elements must be examined carefully if conflict is to be clarified enough to “re-solve”An expressed struggle InterdependencePerceived Incompatible GoalsPerceived scarce resources Interference

An Expressed Struggle Communication is the central element in all interpersonal

conflict: Communication behavior often creates conflict Communication behavior reflects conflict Communication is the vehicle for the productive or destructive

management of conflict

Intrapersonal perceptions are the foundation for conflict, but only when conflicts are communicated in some way does an “interpersonal conflict” emerge

Interdependence A person who has no special interest in what another does

has no conflict with that other person. In all conflicts, therefore, interdependence carries

elements of cooperation and elements of competition. Parties decide the extent to which they will operate in an

interdependent or independent way “We are in this together” versus “Doing my own thing”

Parties must decide how much they are willing to allow the other party or parties to influence their choices

Real relationships have natural rhythms

Perceived Incompatible Goals People fight over needs, but often not the ones

they SAY they are fighting over Making the real goals clear, and clarifying the

value to each party in helping meet one another’s needs can help move people forward with their relationships

Whether or not the goals are really incompatible, the perception that they are is central to all conflict

Perceived Scarce Resources

Resources are defined as “any positively perceived physical, economic, or social consequence.”A resource can be anything perceived as valuable and

limited– from affection to money to statusSome resources are truly limited and others more

limitless, but it is the perception of the resource and how it is distributed that is important to understand in conflict situations (e.g. Power and Self Esteem)

Interference

If the presence of another person interferes with desired actions, conflict intensifies

Parents vs. teenagers – these conflicts often involve this element

Destructive Conflict: Individual Communication

Conflict can be constructive or destructive depending on the context and the communication behaviors exhibited

Gottman (1999) refers to four communication practices that predict the end of a relationship unless something is done to turn things around

The Four Horses of the Apolcalypse

Critical Start-up sets the tone for any conflict Defensiveness characterizes destructive conflict Stonewalling occurs when one person withdraws

from the interaction Contempt contributes to destructive conflict

Exercise: Defusing Critical Start-Up

Changing “criticisms” to “complaintsLet’s think of some critical statements we have

experienced from othersSmall Group activity: Choose two critical statements

within your group and reframe them into legitimate complaints

Destructive Conflict Spirals:Characterized by:

Avoidance patterns that reduce the chance for productive conflict

Attack/withdraw or Pursue/Flee pattern Poorly expressed strong emotion Reciprocity of negative emotion Retaliation Inflexibility or rigidity A competitive system of dominance and subordination Demeaning verbal and nonverbal communication such as

ridicule and contempt

Constructive Conflict

The purpose of this course is to help you learn to create (and help others create) constructive, healthy conflict

Analysis of Elements of Healthy Conflict

The parties express the elements of their struggle clearly Perceptions of interdependence are “checked out” and

verified Goals that are perceived as incompatible are disclosed to

ensure that there really is a conflict If resources are scarce, alternatives like sharing or use of

other resources are explored The perception that parties are blocking or interfering with

another’s goals is examined