Chapter 12- Adulthood

Psychology

McGonigle

Bishop Stang

Essay

• Fully discuss and Describe Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grieving and give examples of what a person may say during these stages.

• Recently what have many critics stated is problematic with Kubler-Ross’ theory on the five stages of grieving? What are your own thoughts?

Young Adulthood

• From about age 20-40

• Most reach physical peak at this time.

• Many are also at the height of their cognitive powers at this time.

Relationships- young adulthood

• Most young adults – try new things & change relationships w/ parents.

• Early 20’s – some feel they must live up to parents expectations.

• They also feel that parents will be able to rescue them when they fail.

Late 20’s – early 30’s

• As time passes, young adults learn to become independent & take responsibility for themselves & their actions.

• For men- becoming independent from parental authority is a major goal of development.

• Women- less interested in independence, more concerned w/ creating relationships. ( in general)

Reassessment of Goals

• 20s- “ I chose the perfect course for life!”

• 30s- They start to reevaluate the decisions that they have made.

• Age 30 transition- “Why am I doing this?” or “Where is my life going?”

• People may change jobs, look to marry, decide to have children.

Women in 30s

• Think about biological clock.

• How many childbearing years left?

• Women in workforce- overwhelmed by caring for children & their career.

Settling Down

• Late 30s – adults plant roots or increase the financial & emotional investments that they have made.

• May become more focused on advancing their careers and gaining stability in their family lives.

Relationships

• Erikson- One of the key tasks of young adulthood is the forming of relationships.

• Relationships are difficult when one or more involved lack personal stability. (teen marriages)

• Young adults – with a firm sense of identity may be ready to join their lives w/ others through friendship & marriage.

Relationships – Cont’d

• People w/out intimate relationships- may fall into loneliness & isolation.

• Intimate relationship- Not necessarily physical. It is a trusting, close, friendship w/ another person in which one can be honest w/out fear of rejection.

Marriage

• In the US- 75-80 % of people get married at least once.

• More have been delaying marriage in recent decades to pursue educational & career goals.

• Men – average age from 23-27

• Women – average age 21-25.

Patriarchy- type of marriage

• Men ( in a patriarchy) – are the primary breadwinner & plays the dominant role in the marriage.

• As of late – this has changed & most spouses are seen as equal partners in the marriage.

• Some times the roles are even reversed..

Marriage ( cont’d)

• In US- most people marry primarily for love. This originated in the 1800s.

• In 1600s and 1700s, most marriages were arranged by the parents of the bride and groom. ( based on how it would benefit both families).

21st century Marriages

• Companionship & Intimacy are central goals in most marriages.

• Marriages- provide opportunity to share opportunities & feelings of security w/ someone special.

• Most Americans – still see marriage as permanent.

Choosing Spouses

• People are influenced in their marital decisions on factors such as ethnicity, level of education, religion, social class.

• US- rarely marry people of different race or SES status- only 2% of marriages are interracial.

Factors of choosing a spouse

• Most choose marriage partners close to their own age. ( especially in early adulthood)

• Most grooms are 2-5 years older than the woman that they are marrying.

• People who remarry are less likely to choose a partner that close in age.

Divorce

• About half the marriages in the US end up in divorce.

• The divorce rate rose steadily in the last century before leveling off in the 80s.

• More than 25% of children in the US live in single parent households.

Reasons for Divorce

• Easier – “No Fault” divorce laws – mean that a judge can grant a divorce w/out having one partner blame the other.

• Increasing economic independence of women has also contributed.

• Incredibly high expectations for marriage – couples expect marriage to be constantly easy w/ no work attached.

Costs of Divorce

• When a household splits- income & property are usually divided.

• Often- neither party can maintain the standard of living he/she had while married.

• Women generally are granted custody of the couple’s children.

Children of Divorce

• More likely to have behavioral problems, engage in substance abuse, and earn lower grades in school.

• Breakdown in the quality of parenting that often allows separation between the parents & the children.

Children of two parent families

• Obtain higher scores on achievement & ability tests.

• Display more social skills.

• Experienced fewer problems & had greater security.

Parents getting divorced should:

• Agree on how they will interact with the children (do not play 1 against the other)

• Help each other maintain a good parent- child relationship.

• Avoid criticizing one another in front of the children.

Middle Adulthood

• Spans the years of 40-65

• Greatest challenge is generativity according to Erikson.

• This is the ability to create, originate & produce. ( workplace, family, society)

Midlife Transition

• One’s perspective changes in a major way.

• Most see themselves at a turning point.

• Now thinking of how many years are left in their lives.

Early 40s – Critical Events

• Parent’s Death

• Change at Work

• Slower/ less athletic than children

• May trigger realization that I am not that young anymore.

Men & women face limitations at 40s- middle age

• Dreams they had at younger ages will not be realized.

• Will not be a pro athlete, movie star or President of US.

• Some may see this as a sense of urgency, last chance to do something big.

Midlife Crisis/Mastery

• Concept has been seen as somewhat negative, children growing up + younger people advancing at a faster rate.

• Gail Sheehy- people are at the height of their creative and productive powers.

• They need new outlets for talents and experience.

Gail Sheehy – Midlife Mastery

• Task for middle aged adults is to decide what they will do with the remainder of their lives.

• People are living longer than previous generations, most healthy Americans have 30-40 years after middle adulthood.

• Lives can be fulfilling if they find careers, hobbies, or other activities that bring true satisfaction.

Middlescence

• Describes a period of searching that in many ways resembles adolescence.

• Period of transition – now refers to a second adulthood.

• Women – in 40s and 50s may emerge from middlescence w/ a renewed sense of self, feeling confident and secure.

Empty Nest Syndrome

• Feelings of emptiness & loss that parents share after children have left to establish their own lives.

• Women who do not work- will struggle to a greater extent when their children have left home. (lost job as a mother/provider)

“Happy Nest”New findings

• Many women are now happier with their marriage and with other aspects of their lives.

• Many speak of greater peace of mind, self confidence and personal stability.

• Many become more influential in politics & in their careers.

Benefits of Middle Age

• Free of financial worries

• Can travel extensively

• Can take up new hobbies or explore old interests

• 2nd honeymoon, pets, cottages, etc.

Menopause

• Late 40s- Early 50s

• End of menstruation- decrease in secretion of estrogen and progesterone.

• May experience hot flashes- sudden sensations of warmth w/ reddening + sweating.

Dr. Elizabeth Kubler -Ross

• She worked faithfully with people who had terminal illnesses.

• In 1969, she theorized that there are five stages through which many dying people pass.

• This 5 stage theory can also be used with any type of grieving. ( loss of a relationship)

Denial

• 1st Stage of Kubler Ross’ list

• “It can’t be me, the doctor must be wrong, he made a mistake.”

• Can also be called repression, time period is not determined. (self preservation)

Anger

• 2nd Stage of grieving- Kubler Ross

• “Why me, this is unfair, life is unfair!”

• Can actually be a healthier outlook than denial/repression ( coming to terms)

Bargaining

• 3rd Stage of Kubler Ross’ list

• I will be a better person, if you let me hold my grandchildren. Let me celebrate one more anniversary!”

• Comes off heels of anger, very important piece.

Depression

• 4th Stage of Kubler Ross’ list.

• Feelings of despair, “What’s the use of living another day?”

• This can also be a very long time period, there are some who may not make it to the 5th stage.

Acceptance

• 5th & final stage of Kubler Ross’ list.

• “I have had a good life, I am ready to die”

• May need to see: one last project completed, children happy, wife taken care of.

Kubler-Ross’ Theories

• Have met with considerable criticism

• Schneidman- Feelings do not follow a particular sequence.

• Schneidman- people face a variety of reactions from envy to terror to despair.

Kubler- Ross’ Critics

• May tempt family members & health care officials to ignore the uniqueness of each person’s suffering.

• May try to force this person into an acceptance mode before they are ready to do so.

K-R in Conclusion

• Good Blueprint to help explain grieving and sadness in 5 stages.

• Do not have to be in perfect sequence (some are angry right away, some never accept dying)

• Can not know the time period for each stage, some are longer than others. (denial/depression)

K-R Final

• Each person needs to be treated as a living individual, w/ hopes & feelings.

• This is not the time to be analytical and detached, dying person needs love and companionship not statistics.

Ordinary People

• Conrad

• Calvin

• Beth

List the following in groups

• For each- brief character sketch

• In your opinion- what are their character failings or what are they struggling w/ at this time?

• IMPORTANT- As a Psychologist – how would you help each individually & together as a family.

Essay

• List the 5 Stages of dying/grieving according to Kubler-Ross. Explain what each person would say to himself in these stages.

• Discuss the recent criticism of Schneidman and others toward this list. Why has it come under criticism as of late?