Agree

Respond

Listen

Question

Attitude

Alternatives

Opinion

Emotions

Values

Diversions

Start-up

Penning down the details

Chapter 1 How to Agree?

To grant consent;

To reconcile or

make friends.

Key takeouts

• You don’t have to agree with everything but you should not disagree

with everything

• A discussion should be a genuine attempt to explore a subject rather

than a battle between competing egos

– Being argumentative is not at all beautiful

– There is no need to be right all the times

– Make a real effort to see where the person is coming from

– Explore the person’s logic bubble*

• Changing your perceptions to look at things in a different way is an

important step in reaching possible agreement

• Take a genuine delight in discovering points of agreement – even if

there is an overall disagreement

*the mind area made up of perceptions, values, needs and experience of the person

To have a

differing opinion;

To be opposed

(to) in principle.

Chapter 2

NO

No

no

no

Of Course, Yes

How to disagree?

Key takeouts - I

• If you do not know how to disagree you will never have a beautiful mind

• Do not disagree for the sake of disagreeing

• Be aware of „Error of Logic‟

Europe

#of people in prison

1 in 1000

USA

#of people in prison

7 in 1000

Does this mean

that USA is less law

abiding?

• It may be that in the USA, the police are better at catching criminals

• It may be that in the USA, more types of crime are treated by prison sentences

• It may be that in the USA people stay longer in prison

• Do not disagree just to show how clever you are or to boost your ego

• Keep selective perception* in mind before reaching any conclusion

• Different personal experiences lead to different disagreements

• Having a different experience never means that your experience is theright one and the experience of the other party is invalid.

*Selective perception means perceiving things in such a way as to support a pre-formed idea

Key takeouts - II

A wife who finds out her husband is having an affair looks back over the

whole marriage and picks out only those points which suggest that the

husband doesn’t truly love her

A person who has gone through a divorce will have a different

experience from someone who has never been divorced

How to differ?

To cause to be

different or

unlike;

Chapter 3

Key takeouts

• There are times when only one of a different set of opinions can be right.

This is where “truth” can be checked out

• Difference may arise from a different point of view or perspective

• A different point of view will give a different perception. Even from the

same point of view, however, there can be differences of perceptions

• Difference may arise from personal preference, taste or choice

• Difference may arise from differing personal experience or differing

knowledge

• Difference may arise from a different view of possible futures

How to be

Interesting?

Engaging the attention;

exciting or adapted to

excite

Chapter 4

Key takeouts

• Being interesting is much more important than winning an argument

• If you are interesting, people will want to be with you.

• Using “what if?” approach, the simplest of situations can be turned into an interesting game

– The “what if?” approach involves playing with ideas

– Putting forward alternatives and other possibilities can make the discussion more interesting

• Once you get into the habit of looking for alternatives and possibilities, any subject becomes more interesting

• Speculation looks forward and opens up new areas of interest. Description only looks backward

To answer; to reply

Chapter 5 How to

Respond?

• The main objective in any conversation might be to agree, disagree, to

agree on the difference and to have an enjoyable and interesting

discussion

• If you are in any doubt about what has been said, it is important to ask for

clarification

• Examples and stories add liveliness and reality to the discussion

• Once an idea has emerged it is no longer a matter of „your idea‟ or „my

idea‟ but an idea to be improved and assessed

• Instead of the usual „battle‟ of argument there is a joint effort to explore

the subject

Key takeouts

To give close attention

with the purpose of

hearing; to give ear.

Chapter 6

How to Listen?

Key takeouts

• A good listener is very nearly as attractive as a good talker

• If you do not want to listen to anyone else then why should anyone

else want to listen to you?

• You may feel that what you have to say is more important than what

others have to say-but that is probably not a view shared by the others

• Listening can give you new ideas - if you try to receive them

• Questions are very much part of listening. They show attention and

interest

• You could learn how people apply values which differ from your own

• You should make a habit of repeating back to the speaker what you think

you have understood. This is both useful and important

The act of asking;

interrogation;

inquiry, as, to examine

by question and

answers.

Chapter 7

Questions

Key takeouts

• Questions are important because they are one of the main means of

interaction between people in conversation or any type of communication

• A question is a way of „directing attention‟ to some matter.

• There are two types of questions:

– Shooting questions: With a shooting question, we know that the answer we will get

is a „yes‟ or „no‟

– Fishing Questions: It is more open ended. We do not know what answer we will

get except that it will be related to the question

• Questions are also vital to ask for more detail and elaboration around a

point

• You can request alternatives and possibilities and confirm that your own

suggestions make sense

• You can frame a question on values as a multiple-choice question

Alternatives

A possibility of

choice.

Chapter 8

• Looking for alternatives is a very important activity of a beautiful mind

• Without alternatives we have rigidity and complacency

• Alternatives help us to find better way to do our work

• „Better‟ may be defined differently according to the values of the situation

• Having a way of doing something does not mean it is the best way of

doing it

• Alternatives values are found by scanning through a range of values – or

asking questions

• For alternatives, possibility is enough to begin

Key takeouts

E

M

O

T

I

O

N

s

The part of the

consciousness that

involves feelings;

sensibility.

Chapter 9

Key takeouts

• Emotions and feelings are a very important part of thinking

• Choices and decisions are based on emotions and feelings

• Emotions are our way of linking our values to the situations

• Strong emotions or feelings may limit our perception

• In a controversy you should show your true position – on one side or

the other, or above it all

• You do not have to be for or against an idea. You may like the idea under

certain conditions or with certain modifications

Key takeouts

Chapter 10 V A L U E S

A

principle, standard,

or quality

considered

worthwhile or

desirable.

• Values determine what we like or do not like, values determine our

choices and decisions

• Core values are not changed by circumstances

• In a discussion, there are your values, the values of others taking part

in the discussion and the values of the third parties being talked about

• There are various types of values:

– Personal values, which are defined as the absence of negative values

– Organizational values both in terms of purpose and the functioning of the organization

– Ecology values, which asses the impact of something on the environment in the wide sense

and also in the narrow sense

– Perceptual values which relate to how something is perceived

– Negative value is used to refer to the negative impact of something

Key takeouts

D i v e r s i o n

s

The act of diverting

or turning aside, as

from a course or

purpose

Chapter 11

• A discussion will always be boring if no one has anything to say about

the subject

• Where there is not much information, interest can be created by questions

and by speculations

• Just repeating conventional ideas can also be boring

• Where there are strong differences of opinion it becomes interesting to

explore the basis of that difference

• Humour is a very important ingredient and a key feature of a beautiful

mind

Key takeouts

Chapter 12I

N

F

O

R

M

A

T

I

O

N

A

N

D

K

N

O

W

E

L

E

D

G

E

Knowledge gained

through

study, communicatio

n, research, instruct

ion

• You do not need full and complete information about a subject in order

to discuss any subject

• If the other person has more information than you do, listen intelligently

and ask questions

• There is no point in pretending to know more about a subject than you

really do

• A good conversationalist creates an interesting discussion out of whatever

information is available

• Even with little information, imagination and speculation can provide

the basis for discussion

• It is possible to listen to what a lot of different people say on a subject

and then to put this together to form your own knowledge base

Key takeouts

Chapter 13

O P I N I

O N

A belief or

judgment that rests

on grounds

insufficient to

produce complete

certainty.

• An opinion arises from information, values, feelings and experience put

together in a local culture

• Opinions are based on a point of view which is the set of circumstances

in which you are placed

• You should signal the nature of the opinion: personal or more general

• A beautiful mind is always ready to change opinions

• An opinion may be changed through acceptance of other values and

new information

• Changing an opinion is never a sign of weakness

Key takeouts

Chapter 14 Interruption

To break the

continuity or

uniformity of

• Interruptions are generally rude and break the flow of what is being said

• If someone is simply going on and on, there may be a need to indicate

that a conversation is a two way affair

• Interruptions are often „ego driven‟. Someone wants to be noticed, feel

important, or to show that he or she is smarter than the speaker

• You can point out errors in logic

• You can challenge sweeping generalizations

• You can interrupt to express doubt

• When circumstances suggest that silence may be interrupted as agreement

with what is being said, you may need to interrupt to indicate otherwise

Key takeouts

Chapter 15

aTTITUDE

A position of the

body or manner of

carrying oneself

• Self image and attitude usually go together

• There is the „guardian of values‟ who insists that only values matter and that

he or she knows the right values

• The learner attitude always seeks to learn something new

• The explorer attitude seeks the truth and to fully understand the matter

• The constructive attitude seeks to design a way forward

• The „who cares?‟ attitude believes that it does not matter at all what is

said in a conversation or discussion

• The attitude is one of righteousness. You do not have to defend your

position because you are right. You are right because you have the right

values

Key takeouts

Chapter 16

To set in or go

into

motion, activityStart up

• Greetings, exchange of personal views and social chit-chat have a very

important role in themselves.

• Asking what the other person „does‟ is a safe, stand-by opening

• If the conversation is getting nowhere, it is best to change subjects and to

start again

• If a person decides to be bored, you have no obligation to offer that sort of

service. Smile and move on

• Developing areas of interest and knowing how to talk about such areas is

another attribute of the beautiful mind

• A really skilled conversationalist can create interest from any topic

whatsoever

Key takeouts

Sources

• Images from Gettyimages, Corbis and Imagesbazaar

•The whole presentation is a summary of the book – “How to have a

beautiful Mind” by Edward De Bono