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    Action Guide

    Breaking up survival guide

    Action Guide

    Introduction

    This guide is for you if you are in theprocess of splitting up with your partner

    who you have lived with. It will be helpfulif you are still living together or if one ofyou has moved out. We know that thenext few months are going to beundeniably hard. We want to help you findyour way through the maze of practicaland legal things you need to sort out sothat you can avoid common problems,minimise your stress, and use your energyeffectively. This guide will tell you whatyou need to think about, what the law

    says, and help you to find ways ofagreeing arrangements with your ex.It will also remind you who you need totell, and explain how to find the help youmight need to plan for the future.

    This guide is not intended for couplesthat were married or in a civil partnershipbecause the law as to how you divide anymoney and property you have is different.However, you may still find the What you

    need to do and who you need to tellsection helpful.

    Contents

    Introduction 1

    What do you need to decide? 4

    How to agree them 7

    When you have come to 10an agreement

    If you cant agree on some issues 11

    What you need to do and 12

    who you need to tell

    More help and advice 14

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    troduction

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    Couples that have been living togetherdont own everything equally in the waymarried couples or those in a civilpartnership do. But most couples haveshared a home, have bought thingstogether, and often have shared savingsand debts. You and your ex-partner

    need to work out a fair way of dividingyour money, debts and propertybetween you. If you find it impossible toagree there are sometimes things acourt can help with, but this is stressful,expensive, and slow so should only beconsidered as a last resort.

    Things to avoid

    Breaking up is always painful, and many

    people feel tempted to retaliate for thehurt they feel by doing something like:

    Destroying things

    Changing the locks

    Packing up their ex-partners stuffand leaving it outside

    Running away with the children.

    These may give you a short-term feelingof satisfaction, but in the long runthey are unhelpful and often unlawful.They will also make relations betweenyou deteriorate further, exactly whenyou need to start finding ways toagree things.

    If there has beendomestic abuse

    If there has been violence or otherforms of abuse between you,it may not be a good idea for youto try and sort things out betweenyourselves. It is best to start bygetting some help from a goodfamily solicitor. You can find oneon the Resolution website:www.resolution.org.uk/findamember

    They will be able to help you workout what the best thing for you todo is, and if you can do it yourselfor if you will need legal help. Dontbe afraid to phone around andcompare prices or see who givesfree first appointments.

    You may be entitled to free orsubsidised legal help you can

    check by using the legal aidcalculator (http://legalaidcalculator.justice.gov.uk). If you are, look fora family solicitor who can take legalaid cases.

    What is fair?

    The difficulty is that each partner may

    have a different idea of what is fair.Some will think you should get back theproportion that you contributed, otherswill think things should be dividedequally, or you may think you shoulddivide things according to what youneed to start again. Theres one thing forsure, you can only divide what you haveso most people will need to get used tohaving less money for a while.

    http://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://legalaidcalculator.justice.gov.uk/http://legalaidcalculator.justice.gov.uk/http://legalaidcalculator.justice.gov.uk/http://legalaidcalculator.justice.gov.uk/http://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamember
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    Introduction

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    Or maybe you feel like you just want torun and hide, even if it means leavingloose ends untied. The idea of trying tosort out things fairly may feel just toomuch if it means negotiating with your

    ex. But loose ends have a way oftripping you up, and in a few years whenyou are over the sadness and hurt, youare likely to feel angry and resentful.

    Or you may be feeling guilty, rightly orwrongly. You may be tempted to beoverly generous in your agreements sothat you dont have to feel any worsebut that is sometimes not a goodapproach. You need to ensure that you

    feel you have come to fair arrangementsso that you dont feel angry or resentfula year or two down the line.

    How are you feeling?

    Unfortunately, the emotions that youhave to cope with when a relationshipends make it harder to sort everythingout fairly, or easily. Theres no magic wayto stop feeling things, but it is useful to

    recognise how you are feeling and howit may affect your ability to come to fairagreements. So, how are you feeling?

    You may be feeling so hurt and furiousthat you cant imagine agreeing anythingwith your ex. Deep down, you may wantto punish them for everything you aregoing through. This is a completelynormal reaction but not very helpfulgiven that you need to come to some

    agreements with them. The trouble isif you put on your battle armour andembark on a bitter fight now, itll be veryhard to get out of battle mode later.You are likely to stay angry and resentfuland ensure your partner feels the same.This will be a waste of your time andenergy and will make it harder to cometo any fair arrangements. The wholething will drag on and on, makingeverything harder for all concerned.

    If you have children together, it is evenmore important that you do your bestto avoid this.

    Someone advised me to start writingdown how I was feeling when I got reallyangry with my ex. It was a really helpfuloutlet and meant I didnt keep dumpingall my anger on my friends, or worse,my children. Jane

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    What doyou need todecide?

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    2. How you will divide the thingsyou own

    What the law says about who ownswhat is fairly straightforward:

    If you owned something before yougot together, it belongs to you.

    If you bought something with yourown money it belongs to you.

    If you inherited something, orsomeone else gave it to you, itbelongs to you.

    If one of you buys something andgives it to the other it belongs to theperson to whom it is given.

    If you buy something out of a jointbank account it belongs to youequally, unless you have agreed toown the account in different shares.If you have, you own the object inthose shares.

    If you buy something together buteach contribute different amounts tothe price, you own it in the shares inwhich you contributed, unless youhave agreed otherwise.

    If youve been together for a very longtime or have always shared your moneythis may not feel fair or even possibleas you may not be able to rememberwho contributed what. Instead it oftenfeels fairer to each leave with about half.Some people take it in turns to pickthe items that are most important tothem. Others try and work out a valuefor things and ensure that the value ofthe things each ex-partner takes isroughly equal.

    Remember even if you move out,if your name is still on the tenancy orthe mortgage you are still legallyresponsible for paying the rent/mortgage.

    If you own the property solely orjointly and have moved out, you maybe entitled to a payment from theperson living there, but often peopleagree that the person living in theproperty pays all the mortgagepayments instead. Whether anypayment should be made maydepend on how much income youeach have, how much the mortgagepayments are, and whether any childmaintenance should also be paid.

    Who pays the mortgage afterseparation may make a difference asto what share of the property youeach own. This is an area where youshould get legal advice.

    Housing law isextremelycomplicated; youshould definitelyget advice about

    what your rights tostay are or whatthe implications ofleaving are. Youcan get adviceover the phone from Shelters freehousing advice line see More helpand advice.

    They also have lots of helpfulinformation about your housing rights

    when your relationship has ended. Weparticularly like the relationshipbreakdown checker from ShelterEngland a helpful interactive tool thatexplains exactly what rights you have.

    http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/

    relationship_breakdown for readersin England.

    www.sheltercymru.org.uk/get-advice/

    get-advice-online/families-and-relationships/relationship-breakdown for readers in Wales.

    http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdownhttp://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdownhttp://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdownhttp://www.sheltercymru.org.uk/get-advice/get-advice-online/families-and-relationships/relationship-breakdownhttp://www.sheltercymru.org.uk/get-advice/get-advice-online/families-and-relationships/relationship-breakdownhttp://www.sheltercymru.org.uk/get-advice/get-advice-online/families-and-relationships/relationship-breakdownhttp://www.sheltercymru.org.uk/get-advice/get-advice-online/families-and-relationships/relationship-breakdownhttp://www.sheltercymru.org.uk/get-advice/get-advice-online/families-and-relationships/relationship-breakdownhttp://www.sheltercymru.org.uk/get-advice/get-advice-online/families-and-relationships/relationship-breakdownhttp://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdownhttp://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdownhttp://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdown
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    What doou need toecide?

    If you have children

    togetherIf you have children you will needto agree:

    1 Where the children will live.

    2 When and how you will ensurethey have plenty of time withboth parents.

    3 How you will continue to pay forall the things they need.

    All parents have a duty to pay forthe things their children need untilthey are 16, or up until they are 20if they are still doing their A levelsor something equivalent. If they arenot your children (for example,if they are your partners from aprevious relationship) you are notresponsible for them unless youhave adopted them.

    Weve produced a separate guidefor parents to help you to agreearrangements that work well foreverybody, and to help you find asolution if that is not possible.

    Please seeSorting outarrangements

    for your children

    a survivalguide.

    3. How will you divide anysavings, investments orshares you own jointly?

    Will you divide them, in the proportionsin which you contributed or 50:50?What did you agree about this at the

    outset when you made the savings /got the investments or shares? If youchanged your mind later, did you bothagree the change?

    4. How will you deal withany debts?

    Legally, if the debt is in your name, youand you alone are responsible to the

    lender for paying it off; it doesnt matterwho spent the money in the first place.If the debt is in both names, you areboth equally responsible for paying it offbut the lender can usually chase eitherof you for all of it. If you are leaving yourpartner with debts you helped to buildup, it is only fair that you agree to makea voluntary contribution towards them.Indeed your partner may be able to geta court order that you pay back the

    value you had out of the loan.

    http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/sorting-out-arrangements-for-your-children/
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    How to agreethem

    How to agree them

    If you have to discuss arrangementsfor the children and financesconsider dealing with themseparately maybe at separatemeetings.

    Many people just want to sorteverything out immediately so atleast they dont have to deal withthe uncertainty. But things often gomore smoothly if you take a littlebit of time.

    Before you discuss it, think about theoutcome you would like and whereyou can be flexible. If you know whatyour ex-partner might feel about that,

    think if theres anything you can do tomake it more appealing for them.

    Try to stick to the point as much asyou can. If you are meeting in person,having the main points written downon a piece of paper can be helpfuland can give you something to focuson if you feel yourself starting to getupset or angry, or if your ex-partnerstrays from the point.

    You can come to agreements:

    between yourselves, or

    using a family mediation service, or

    using solicitors to negotiate onyour behalf.

    You can of course use different methodsto agree different things. Many peoplecan agree arrangements for the childrenbetween them, but need help fromsolicitors to agree what to do aboutmoney and property.

    However you do it you will both need tocompromise.

    Option 1

    Agreeing it yourselves

    Agreeing things without help is far fromeasy. You will need to find ways todiscuss the issues without your

    emotions getting in the way.We suggest:

    Agree in advance with yourex-partner how and when you will tryto come to agreements. For example,will you find a date to meet on neutralterritory, do it over email, or will youuse a family mediation service?Nobody likes to feel ambushed andyou have a much better chance of

    agreeing something if you both arriveat it feeling that you have chosen thisapproach and you want it to succeed.

    If you have a lot to discuss, try andagree what is urgent and deal withthat first. You may have differentpriorities, but dealing first with thethings that are most worrying foreach of you can make things gomuch more smoothly.

    I know myself that I am much calmer

    after a long run. When I split up withmy partner of 8 years, I made sure Iwent for a long run before I met herto agree the sale of the house. Al

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    ow to agreehem

    Option 2

    Using Family Mediation

    This is where you meet together withyour ex-partner and a mediator, who hasbeen properly trained to help you putyour feelings aside and focus on the

    issues that need to be sorted out. Themediator wont take sides or decidewhat is fair for you they are simplythere to help your discussions.

    Many people say that a positive sideeffect of mediation is that it helps themto communicate again. This is extremelyvaluable if you have children together.

    Most people have to pay for family

    mediation. Prices start at around 80each for each session and most peoplecome to the agreements they need in24 sessions.

    When you are looking for a mediator,dont be afraid to phone around andcompare prices. (While the fees areusually charged per person, it is open toyou and your ex to decide who willactually pay or how the cost will be

    shared.)

    If you are entitled to legal aid (that ishelp from the government to pay forlegal advice or mediation) you can getmediation, and a small amount of legaladvice alongside it, for free. If one of yougets legal aid, both of will be covered forthe first meeting. You can find out if youare likely to be able to get it by using thelegal aid checker www.gov.uk/check-

    legal-aid.

    Before you can go to court over themoney or property or arrangements forthe children, you have to show the courtthat you have met with a mediator firstand considered mediation, or there is agood reason why you didnt (such asdomestic abuse or your ex refused touse mediation). This is because thegovernment and the courts think it is

    usually better that you decide thesethings between yourselves if you can.For more information about this rule,

    If you try to do it over email, do bearin mind that it is even easier to takeoffence when you cant seeexpressions or hear tone of voice, sokeeping yourself calm and sticking tothe point is even more important.Remember too that email is a

    permanent record of what you sayand can be printed off and shown toothers, such as a judge. So dontsend anything you would beembarrassed by later.

    My ex and I sorted out quite a lotof stuff over email. The best pieceof advice I was given was to taketwo days before replying to anyemail. That gave me time to getreally angry and calm down againbefore I said anything. Colvin

    https://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aidhttps://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aidhttps://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aidhttps://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid
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    How to agreethem

    advice) it will be much cheaper. You canfind out if you are likely to be able toget it by using the legal aid checker www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid Beaware though that since the changes inApril 2013, very few people get legal aid.

    Option 4Collaborative law

    Another option is to each use acollaborative lawyer. This is a bit like amixture of family mediation and solicitornegotiation. You and your ex-partner eachhave a collaborative lawyer (not all familysolicitors can do collaborative law theyhave to have had special training) and youagree that you will not go to court using

    these solicitors. You then sort everythingout in a series of face-to-face meetingsbetween you and your collaborative lawsolicitor and your ex-partner and theircollaborative law solicitor.

    Like mediation, collaborative law aimsfor an amicable solution that both of youhave worked out rather than hadimposed on you. It may be cheaper thanthe conventional way of using solicitors

    because it can mean that you use lessof their time.

    You can find out more about thecollaborative law process and find acollaborative trained lawyer near you onthe Resolution website: www.resolution.org.uk/editorial.asp?page_id=53

    how family mediation works and how tofind a good mediator, seeSorting outarrangements after you have split up Could Family Mediation help you?

    Option 3

    Using Solicitors to negotiatefor you

    Your other option is to use a solicitor tonegotiate on your behalf. This is likely to

    be quite a bit more expensive thanmediation. It can still be relatively quickand avoids all the expense and stress ofgoing to court. It can feel a lot safer tohave an expert on your side, makingyour case for you. You can find goodfamily solicitors who believe in aconstructive approach on Resolutionswebsite: www.resolution.org.uk/findamember Dont be afraid to phonearound and compare prices.

    If you are entitled to legal aid (that is helpfrom the government to pay for legal

    While its all going on you have to be

    extra kind to yourself. Give yourself a fewtreats they dont have to be expensive.I gave myself a treat every time Id donesomething really hard. Kayla

    I was dead against family mediation.

    I was already feeling overwhelmedand the last thing I wanted to dowas sit and discuss things with her,let alone in front of someone else.But I agreed to go to the meeting forthe kids. By the end of the firstsession it felt like the right thing forus. Its not exactly something I wantto do again, but it helped us getthings sorted and find a way oftalking again, which has made thingseasier for the kids. Sam

    http://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aidhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/editorial.asp?page_id=53http://www.resolution.org.uk/editorial.asp?page_id=53http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.resolution.org.uk/editorial.asp?page_id=53http://www.resolution.org.uk/editorial.asp?page_id=53http://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid
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    When you have cometo an agreement

    When youave comeo angreement

    When you come to any sort ofagreement between yourselves, it isuseful to write it down. This shouldinclude specifics, like the amount anddates of any agreed payments, in casethere is any dispute later on. It is best tohave one agreed document that youboth sign and have copies of butbetter to have your own record thannone at all.

    If you want something a bit more formal,you could ask a family solicitor to write aseparation agreement for you. The plusof a separation agreement is that, ifcertain formalities are met, you can referto the agreement at court, which maybe useful if your ex does not keep tothe agreement.

    If you have agreed to transfer propertyfrom one person to another you should

    consult a solicitor. You can find a goodfamily solicitor near you who believes ina constructive, non-confrontationalapproach on Resolutions website(seeMore help and advice). Its ok tophone around and compare prices.Some (like the Co-operative legalservices) will offer one-off help for afixed price; others may offer a firstmeeting for free.

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    If you cant agree onsome issues

    If you cantagree onsomeissues

    Before you even contemplate it, see agood family solicitor. They will be able toadvise you on what your chances ofsuccess are and help you work out ifits worth it. If you decide it is worth it,you can then decide whether to get asolicitor to help you make your caseor if you want to try and do it yourself.

    You can find good family solicitorswho believes in a constructive,

    non-confrontational approach onResolutions website: www.resolution.org.uk/findamember Dont be afraid tophone around and compare prices.

    If there are issues around money andproperty or arrangements for thechildren that you really cant agree on,you may have to ask the court todecide. Sometimes starting the courtprocess helps to get your ex-partnertalking and focussed on the need tomake agreements.

    Remember that the court will usuallywant evidence that you have met with a

    mediator first and considered mediation,or tried to, before they will considermaking a decision for you. See Sortingout arrangements after you have splitup Could Family Mediation helpyou?for more details about these rules.

    Action Guide

    Sorting out arrangementsafter you have split up

    Could Family Mediation help you?

    Family mediation is not about getting back together. In fact it is the opposite,

    family mediation aims to help you to agree how you will live apart.

    Action Guide

    Contents

    What is family mediation? 2

    How the information and

    assessment meetings work3

    What happens after thefirst meeting?

    5

    How to find a good mediator

    and solicitor7

    Common questions 8

    Introduction

    This guide is for you if you have recently

    split up or are struggling to agree withyour ex-partner (or another family

    member) about whats going to happen

    to your home, money, children or any

    other issues. It doesnt matter if y ou were

    married, in a civil partnerhip, living

    together, or never did any of these things.This guide explains what family mediation

    is and how it could help you. Before you

    can take a family issue to court, most

    people have to show that they havethought about using mediation. We explain

    what that is all about, who has to do it,

    how you do it, how to get the most out of

    it and what your other options are.

    http://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/family/could-family-mediation-help-you-sort-out-arrangements-after-splitting-up/http://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamember
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    What you

    eed to dond who youeed to tell

    What you need to do andwho you need to tell

    take debt recovery proceedings againstboth of you. They dont have to serveyou with notice of the proceedings inperson; they can just send a letter toyour last known address. You couldwake up one day to discover that acounty court judgement has been madeagainst you, without you knowinganything about it.

    If your debts are a problem, see if you

    can get debt advice from your localadvice agency, National Debtline or StepChange. Step change also has a usefulonline tool called Debt remedy. SeeMore help and advice.

    Joint accounts

    The easiest thing is probably to close alljoint accounts and divide any money inthem. If you decide it would be easier

    for one of you to keep an account, makesure you let your bank know thesituation, and change the account intoone name only. If you dont, your partnercould empty the account or run up ahuge overdraft that you will both belegally responsible for.

    Having said that, closing or removing aname from a joint account isnt alwaysas easy as it should be. Some banks willonly take the instruction from the mainaccount holder, which is simply theperson whose name was put first on theform when the account was opened.To save any hassle, write a quick noteto the bank manager straight awayexplaining what you want them to doand then both sign it.

    If you have problems closing theaccount you can ask the bank to freezeit stopping any payments going out.This stops the other account holder

    BenefitsIf you are on a low income, check if youmight be entitled to benefits or taxcredits now you are a single person.Turn 2 Us have a very helpful benefitscalculator on their website: www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

    If you are no longer a couple but stillshare a home, you can apply for benefitsas a single person provided you areliving as a single person. For example,you are not sleeping in the same bed,not cooking or shopping for each other,washing each others clothes, or payingfor things as a couple. See Benefitsand living with your partnerformore details.

    If you get benefits or tax credits, makesure you inform the agency that dealswith that benefit that you are no longerliving as part of a couple. This may be adepartment of the Department for Workand Pensions, the HM Revenue andCustoms, and your local authority (forhousing and council tax benefit). If youhave moved, you also need to ensurethey all have your new contact details.

    Debts

    If you have debts in both names andhave agreed that one of you will beresponsible for paying it off, inform thecredit company of your agreement andgive them up to date contact details forboth of you. Your private agreementdoes not change the fact that you areboth liable for the debt, but if theyunderstand the arrangement and cancontact you they should let you know ifthe payments are not being made. Thisis important because if your ex doesntmake the payments the company may

    http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspxhttp://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspxhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/money/benefits-and-livingtogether-html,177,FP.htmlhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/money/benefits-and-livingtogether-html,177,FP.htmlhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/money/benefits-and-livingtogether-html,177,FP.htmlhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/money/benefits-and-livingtogether-html,177,FP.htmlhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/money/benefits-and-livingtogether-html,177,FP.htmlhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/money/benefits-and-livingtogether-html,177,FP.htmlhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/money/benefits-and-livingtogether-html,177,FP.htmlhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/money/benefits-and-livingtogether-html,177,FP.htmlhttp://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspxhttp://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx
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    Breaking up survival guide www.advicenow.org.uk

    What you

    need to doand who youneed to tell

    running up a big debt on it but it alsostops bills being paid direct from theaccount. So make sure you have madearrangements for regular direct debitsand standing orders before freezingthe account.

    WillIf you have a will that leaves yourex-partner all your worldly possessions,remember to destroy your will. Do thiseven if you are not yet ready to make anew one. If a solicitor drew the will upfor you, inform him or her, so that theyknow that the will has been revoked.

    Pension or life insuranceIf you have nominated your partnerto receive death benefits from yourpension, or the pay out from a lifeinsurance policy, remember to changethis. Call the companies concernedand discuss the situation.

    If you are staying in

    the home It is important to ensure that the

    correct name is on the utility bills,council tax etc. Otherwise theother partner could be pursuedfor payment.

    Inform your landlord or mortgagelender that your partner has now left.

    Inform your home insurers that your

    partner has left.

    If you are now the only adult in yourhousehold be sure to tell the CouncilTax Department at your localauthority. If you fill in the relevantform you will be entitled to a 25%discount on your council tax. You cando this online www.gov.uk/apply-for-council-tax-discount

    While I was going through my break-upI started to take lots of regular exercise,for the first time in my life it made mefeel much less stressed and helped meto sleep. Esme

    If you have moved out ofthe home

    Make sure that you inform:

    The bank and all credit companies

    or anyone you have a hire purchaseagreement with

    Your doctor, dentist, and any otherhealth workers

    If you have children, inform thechilds school or nursery

    Water, gas, electricity and telephonecompanies

    The Post Office if you need yourpost to be redirected

    The company you have yourbuildings and/or contentsinsurance with.

    http://www.gov.uk/apply-for-council-tax-discounthttp://www.gov.uk/apply-for-council-tax-discounthttp://www.gov.uk/apply-for-council-tax-discounthttp://www.gov.uk/apply-for-council-tax-discount
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    ore helpnd advice

    14 Breaking up survival guide www.advicenow.org.uk

    How to find a good solicitor

    Ask friends and family for a

    recommendation. Or you can find agood family solicitor near you whobelieves in a constructive, non-confrontational approach onResolutions website: www.resolution.org.uk/findamember

    Its ok to phone around and compareprices. Some (like the Co-operative legalservices) will offer help for a fixed fee;others may offer a first meeting for free.

    How to find a collaborativelawyer

    You can find your nearest collaborativelawyer on Resolutions website too:www.resolution.org.uk/findamember

    How to find a barrister

    If your case goes to court your solicitormay represent you, or they may instructa barrister for you. Barristers arespecialist advocates and usually onlyused for complex or contested cases.Your solicitor can advise on a suitablebarrister and you can look them up ontheir website.

    If you are dealing with the court processyourself but want a barrister to represent

    you at a hearing (or draft documents foryou) it may be possible to instruct onewithout using a solicitor first. You canfind barristers that specialise in familylaw and are public access accredited atwww.barcouncil.org/about-the-bar/find-a-barrister/public-access-directory

    How to find a family mediator

    Ask friends and family for a

    recommendation or your solicitor if youhave one. Or use the family mediationfinder provided by the government tofind one near you.

    www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/find-service.php

    Mediators who do Legal Aid fundedmediation have completed furthertraining that can last around two years you can search for them by ticking thebottom box on the search tool.

    Some people feel safer with a mediatorwho is also a qualified solicitor. Theycant give you legal advice but they areobliged to tell you if you are about tomake an agreement that is very different

    to what a court would order. If you wanta mediator who is also a solicitor, usethe search on Resolutions site. In theresults it specifies how long themediator has been a family law solicitor.

    www.resolution.org.uk/findamember

    Dont be afraid to phone around andcompare prices.

    More help and advice

    http://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.barcouncil.org/about-the-bar/find-a-barrister/public-access-directoryhttp://www.barcouncil.org/about-the-bar/find-a-barrister/public-access-directoryhttp://www.barcouncil.org/about-the-bar/find-a-barrister/public-access-directoryhttp://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/find-service.phphttp://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/find-service.phphttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/find-service.phphttp://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/find-service.phphttp://www.barcouncil.org/about-the-bar/find-a-barrister/public-access-directoryhttp://www.barcouncil.org/about-the-bar/find-a-barrister/public-access-directoryhttp://www.barcouncil.org/about-the-bar/find-a-barrister/public-access-directoryhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamemberhttp://www.resolution.org.uk/findamember
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    The information in this guide applies to England andWales only.

    The law may be different if you live in Scotland orNorthern Ireland.

    The law is detailed and complicated. We have

    simplified things in this guide to give you a basicunderstanding of how the law works when you split upwith a partner that you were not married to or in acivil partnership with. If in doubt, get expert advice.

    This information is produced by Advicenow. You can find lotsof user-friendly information on a range of different issues on

    the Advicenow website.

    Advicenow is the liveliest, least stuffy, most

    accessible and understandable website on legal

    matters that Ive ever come across.

    Marcel Berlins, The Guardian

    Plain English Web Award 2004

    If you would like this guide in another format

    please email [email protected]

    This guide was written by Mary Marvel. Advicenow would like to thank all those who providedfeedback on this guide.

    Published by Law for Life September 2013.

    Advicenow is an independent, not for profit website dedicated to helping everyone to solve theirlaw-related problems. You can find lots of user-friendly information on a range of different issueson the Advicenow website (www.advicenow.org.uk).

    Can you help us?If you found this information helpful could you make a small donationto help us keep ourguides up-to-date and available. Just text the message ADVN22 2 (or any amount between110) to 70070 to donate to us. We are a very small charity and rely on donations, grants,and sponsorship. Perhaps you could also help us get the guide to more people whom it wouldhelp could you post it on a forum, Facebook or Twitter?

    We are always trying to make our guides more helpful. If you have any comments on thisguide, please go to www.surveymonkey.com/s/7VYCNYRand take part in our survey.

    Advicenow is a project of Law for Life: the Foundation for Public LegalEducation. Law for Life works to ensure that everyone has the knowledge,confidence and practical skills they need to deal with law-related issues.

    mailto:guides%40lawforlife.org.uk?subject=Breaking%20up%20survival%20guidehttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/7VYCNYRhttp://www.surveymonkey.com/s/7VYCNYRhttp://www.advicenow.org.uk/mailto:guides%40lawforlife.org.uk?subject=Breaking%20up%20survival%20guide