book reviewed by sandy sheffield
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Raising Cain Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys By Dan Kindlon , Ph.D & Michael Thompson, Ph.D. Book Reviewed By Sandy Sheffield. Overview. Kindlon & Thompson are child psychologists with over 35 years of combined experience working with boys. - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
Book Reviewed BySandy Sheffield
Raising CainProtecting the Emotional Life of
BoysBy Dan Kindlon, Ph.D & Michael Thompson,
Ph.D
OverviewKindlon & Thompson are child psychologists with
over 35 years of combined experience working with boys.
In this book, they address what they see as a crisis concerning the socio/emotional development of boys in this country.
Their main message is that boys need to be taught “emotional literacy” in order to grow into happier and healthier men.
Using examples from their own practices, they outline the struggles and challenges boys face.
They ultimately offer seven guidelines that illustrate what they feel boys need.
Why You Need to Read this Book:Boys are more likely to be perceived as misbehaving and much more likely than girls to be
disciplined harshly, both at home and at
school.Boys are much more
likely to abuse alcohol and drugs than girls, and are
much more likely to drive while intoxicated.
Boys are much more likely than girls to
commit violent crimes, and these crimes are on the
rise.
Unlike girls, boys tend not to discuss their feelings with
anyone.
Boys are much more likely than girls to
succeed at suicide.
Barriers to “Emotional Literacy”
SOCIETYOur society
believes boys should be tough, not emotional.
From birth, boys are discouraged from identifying, talking about, and even feeling emotions.
EDUCATIONBoys are less
verbal and more physical than girls in early development.
In light of this difference, traditional classrooms are designed to fit girls better than boys.
Barriers to “Emotional Literacy”
DISCIPLINEResearch proves
harsher punishments are more often given for “physical misbehavior.”
Because boys have more physical energy, they often attract more and harsher discipline, which can cause anger, shame, and self-hatred.
PEER CULTUREBeginning in
adolescence, boys become very competitive in groups.
This competition can turn to cruelty in the form of teasing, tricking, harassing, and humiliating.
Barriers to “Emotional Literacy”
EARLY RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTSMothers often can’t relate to the boy experience and
don’t always handle the transition to adolescence well, not knowing that boys still need physical affection.
Several studies prove that fathers’ level of involvement with their children’s care is the most influential factor in the children’s emotional development, and a determining factor in predicting future financial success.
A survey of corporate men shows that the number one thing they would wish for their relationship with their fathers is for their fathers to have been closer to them and to have expressed more emotions.
Negative Consequences of Emotional Isolation
Anger can lead to a tendency toward violent interactions
Emotional distancing can lead to reckless or meaningless sexual relationships
Depression can also manifest as extreme anger
Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs
Withdrawal into depression and sometimes suicidal thoughts or actions
Inability to identify & express emotions
The Authors’ Recommendations on What Boys Need:
Permission to have an inner life with the full range of
emotions
Acceptance of their high
energy and safe places to
express it.
Direct, non-threatening
language that allows them to
be problem-solvers The
knowledge that emotional courage and empathy are signs of real
strength
Discipline that guides and
doesn’t punish
Role models that exhibit emotional
attachment
The belief that there are
many ways to be a man
Reviewer’s Response Reading this book was a profound
experience for me. I so often struggled as a mother to try and understand my son’s perceptions and experiences once he became an adolescent. I found myself laughing, crying and wishing I had read this 10 years ago when it first came out and my son was 12.
For teachers, this book should be required. We know how much we can and do influence our students, and that knowledge should be a comfort. We have the ability to impact the emotional development of boys. We can be role models, we can help educate parents, and we can help boys overcome some of the challenges of growing up so that they can be emotionally whole and successful men.