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JuLY 25 - 31, 2012 VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46

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VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46 JuLY 25 - 31, 2012

FOLLOw BLItz wEEkLY On twIttEr and FacEBOOk

There are times in life where decisions are of the utmost importance: which university to attend, is this person the right person to marry, will I run like an Olympic sprinter

out of the life of my family? Well the 42 years estranged father of NBA Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman, Philander Rodman Jr. isn’t so good at decision-making. Although it is pretty fit-ting that a man with enough children to field an offense and defense of a foot-ball team would be named Philander. The Air Force pilot and Vietnam War vet is also the father of 28 other children besides “The Worm” from 15 mothers was finally reunited with his famous son after a game between the best Philippine Basketball Association players and the NBA “Alumni” team, which included Rodman, in Manila. Philander hightailed it to Southeast Asia in December of 1969 when Dennis was at the tender age of eight leaving his family to tough it out in Oak Cliff here in Dallas. In Dennis’ 1997 autobiography Bad as I Wanna Be he recounted, “I haven’t seen my father in more than 30 years, so what’s there to miss.” They say there’s nothing all that difficult about becoming a father. The difficulty is remaining one. The elder Rodman wasn’t there to teach his son how to shave, help him with free throws or help him pick out his wedding dress. But he was there at his home in Angeles City, where he owns a bar called Rodman’s Rainbow Obamaburger (seriously), whoring out his son’s name at every opportunity. On his website his name is signed “Philander Rodman Jr. (Dennis Rodman’s Father)” and he can be found wearing a Chicago Bulls number 91 jersey in most photos even inserting the tagline Dad As I Wanna Be on the bar’s website for good measure. My favorite Philanderism is on the subject of humility. In the photo of his brief reunion with his son Philander is adorned with a baseball cap that read, “Yes, Dennis Rodman is my son.” Classy. The pater familias of the Rodman clan maintains that six years ago in 2006 he attended the Alumini vs Philippines and Dennis didn’t wish to speak with him at that time. This time however, he got his wish and received three minutes with his son while Dennis was signing autographs. Dennis said, “I don’t hate the guy that brought me into this world… if I saw him, I’ll just tell him, `You know, you’re a friend of mine.’” I’m sure the

meeting and media coverage surrounding it will help the bar owner sell more Obamaburgers and Rodman fries than ever before. But did Philander meet Dennis as a father or as a fan? If Dennis were an agent in accounts receivable working in some cubicle rather than a Hall of Fame athlete with a larger than life personality would this 71-year-

old failed father care to meet one of the children of whom he abandoned? Probably not. Dennis (who has fatherly responsibility problems of his own) is his trophy, his tattooed and pierce trinket that he sees that he exploited for the purpose of monetary compensation. Towards the end of the game in Manila, Dennis approached the microphone and addressed the crowd to acknowledge the presence of his father among them six years after ignoring him in front of them (which Philander was documented in Manila Standard as shouting and cursing at his son for the snub). Philander said of the day, “I really, really felt good,” he said. “It’s the beginning of something new.”

You can hear the cash register at his bar ringing all the way from here.

SPORTS NEWSOn Deck 3Bad Boys Bad Boys 3Rangers Report 4AL Playoff Race 5Olympic Obsessions 6 London 2012 Must See TV 7Eat It. Wear It. Go There. 8

COvER STORy Romo Now or Never 9Hello/Goodbye 10Cowboys Training Camp Preview 10Cowboys Wideouts 11

BLITZ ENTERTaINmENTAlexia 12Hypnotic Donuts 13iPay 14Spider-Men 14Hollywood Shuffle 15TDKR Look Back 15Movie Review 15Gearshift 16Gadgets 16

BLITZ FuNNySJokes/Horrorscopes/Weird News 17

ThE CLOSERWeekend Relaxer 18The Answer Guy 182-Minute Drill 18

PublisherKelly G. Reed

Editor-in-ChiefC. Patterson

Graphic Designer Michael H. Lee

Photo EditorDarryl Briggs

Cover DesignMichael H. Lee

Staff PhotographersGregg Case, Steven Hendrix,

Rick Leal, Kevin Jacobson, Joe Lorenzini, Chuck Majors

Staff WritersTony Barone, Geoff Case, Vivian Fullerlove, David Goodspeed, Keysha Hogan, Frank LaCosta, Mateeka Lanee, Mark Miller

Contributing PhotographersKeith Allison, Ed Clemente, James Crawford, Daisy G., Peter H., Brian Krieger, Brian Lenard, Elise Michelle, Matt Pearce, Andy Simonds, Mar-shall Y., funnygunny, PlayfulLi-barian

Contributing WritersCote Bailey, Arthur Bellfield, Jay Betsill, Ethan Harmon, Scott Holub, Angela Navin, Joshua Rush, Danny Woodley

CONTACT USPhONE: 214-529-7370 • FAX: 972-960-8618

EmAil: [email protected]

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Copyright 2012 YK Publishing, LLC. No portion of BLITZ Weekly may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the express written permission of the Publisher. BLITZ Weekly is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. BLITZ Weekly may be distributed only by BLITZ Weekly’s authorized independent contractors or BLITZ Weekly’s authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of BLITZ Weekly, take more than one copy of each BLITZ Weekly issue. Articles printed in this publication may express opinions or views not necessarily the opinions of BLITZ Weekly. The BLITZ Weekly is not responsible for the content or claims of advertisements or editorial in this publication. Story reprints are available for $1 plus postage; call the office at 214-529-7370 to place an order or check our archives at www.blitzweekly.com.

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By C. Patterson– [email protected]

A Touchy Situation Fred Willard learned a hard lesson about the ol’ tug and pull; don’t do it in public. The esteemed actor was caught in a compromising position in front of Hollywood’s Tiki Theatre (an Adult movie theater) with his pants down and his genitals exposed. Willard, who has been married since 1972, was taken in for lewd conduct and released. Pee-wee Herman had no comment on the subject.

The Reckoning Penn State saw the vengeful striking hammer of the NCAA this past week as they were smote with a $60 million dollar fine, a four-year bowl ban, and a vast decrease in scholarship allotments until 2014 as a direct result of the Sandusky/Paterno fallout. The decision is considered worse than the “death penalty.” NCAA president Mark Emmert said it could have been worse.

on: Fred Willard

If they don’t drop the lewd conduct case against him maybe he’ll beat it in court.

the hilariously awful tale of philander rodman

on deck

uncle walter

badboysbadboys

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When the home crowd last saw the Texas Rangers, it was before the All-Star break and a key trip to the West Coast. They led the Los An-

geles Angels of Anaheim by four games. Even after losing two of three to their arch rivals, the Rangers returned to Arlington in even better shape. With a 4-4 overall record at Seattle, Oakland and Los Angeles, they entered this week five games in front with a 10-game home stand ahead. One reason for the improvement is Texas broke a 10-game streak without scoring more than four runs twice with a 6-1 victory July 17 at Oakland and 9-1 triumph over the Angels on Saturday. Home runs by Josh Hamilton and Adrian Beltre keyed the earlier game while two blasts by former Angel Mike Napoli and one each for Beltre, Yorvit Torrealba and Ian Kinsler aided the latter contest. The Rangers also saw the temporary return of two pitchers from the disabled list. Reliever Alexi Ogando came back July 17 after more than a month away because of a right groin strain while starter Colby Lewis returned the next day after more than three weeks off due to right forearm tendinitis. Lewis fared better, giving up only one run on three hits in five innings with no decision in a 4-3 loss July 18 at Oakland but unfortunately tore a tendon and will miss the rest of the season. Ogando yielded three runs in three innings in four outings. The Rangers need a return to their running game that has produced just two stolen bases in 16 games and an offense that has hit just .239 and scored just 47 runs in July. It wouldn’t hurt if Hamilton could get back on track as he’s hitting just .164 with three homers and five RBI and 16 strikeouts this month.

White Sox, Angels follow BostonThe Rangers wrap up their only home appearance against the Boston Red Sox on Wednesday night, then host the Chicago White Sox over the weekend and the Angels for four games beginning this Monday. Boston’s visit is the first time former Ranger Manager Bobby Valentine has managed in the regular season against his former club in Arlington. Monday’s game also put the Rangers over two million in attendance earlier than ever before. Chicago was leading the American League Central division entering the All-Star break, then changed gears by losing seven of its 10 games

entering this week to drop 1.5 games behind the Detroit Tigers. The White Sox lost the lead after being swept by Detroit last weekend. While the Rangers opened the season with two wins in three games at home against the White Sox, they lost all three games earlier this month in Chicago. The White Sox have hit just .255 as a team while their pitchers have had a 4.70 earned run average in July. A key addition has been third baseman Kevin Youkilis who has hit .297 with five home runs and 16 runs batted

in this month. The Rangers are 4-5 against the Angels who have thrived since bringing up outfielder Mike Trout in late April. The likely American League Rookie of the Year made the All-Star Game and is in the conversation for league most valuable player as the team has a 46-30 record since he was called up. He has 15 hits in 34 at-bats against Texas, a .441 average and has hit .426 with seven homers, 15 RBI and nine of his league-leading 31 stolen bases out of 34 attempts in July. Texas could be bolstered against the Angels by the possible return of first baseman Mitch Moreland who has been out since June 20 with a left hamstring strain.

uPCOmINg SChEduLE:7/25 red sox 7:05 p.m.7/27 white sox 7:05 p.m.7/28 white sox 7:05 p.m.7/29 white sox 7:05 p.m.7/30 angels 6:05 p.m.7/31 angels 7:05 p.m.

Photo Courtesy: Keith Allison

By Mark Miller – [email protected]

lead grows after trip west

ranger report

Photo Courtesy: Keith Allison

VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46 JuLY 25 - 31, 2012


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With the MLB trade deadline loom-ing on the horizon and a new playoff format there are certainly less sellers in the market at this time

than usual. In the American League there are sev-eral more contenders than before. Yet each has a weak link that they need to pay attention to or else they might not make a deep run in the post-season. Under this new format even a team like the Toronto Blue Jays who currently possess a los-ing record and a sub-.500 record might sneak in. Here’s a quick breakdown though of the top two in each division:

New York YankeesCurrent Standing: 1st in the EastWeakness: Relying Heavily on Home RunsThe Yankees are a virtual lock for the postseason being up by eight games in the division. As of this writing, they’ve hit 147 home runs that’s 16 more than the Toronto Blue Jays who are second with 131. Right now that is their only way of putting up runs. Not a bad way but in the postseason it’ll become a lot more difficult.

Baltimore OriolesCurrent Standing: 2nd in the EastWeakness: Weak Starting RotationThe Orioles have Jason Hammel and Wei-Yin Chen and that’s about it. These two starters have been consistently good but outside of them there hasn’t been much. With a trade or two they could shore up this issue but it might be too late. They don’t have much in the farm system and the few they’ve called up haven’t panned out.

Detroit TigersCurrent Standing: 1st in the CentralWeakness: Wretched Infield DefenseThe team is starting to heat up which explains

why they’re only a half game out for the division lead. Expect this race to come down to the very end. The Tigers currently are one of the poorer fielding teams in MLB. An average fielding outfield is acceptable but their infield on the corners has serious issues. Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder have great bats but their glove work is a concern.

Chicago White SoxCurrent Standing: 2nd in the CentralWeakness: Missing PowerThe trade for Kevin Youkilis has turned out to be a pleasant surprise otherwise the dearth of

power from Adam Dunn and Paul Konerko would really be haunting them. Dunn is striking out a lot and Konerko just can’t drive in runs. What should be a positive hasn’t been. The White Sox pitching staff has been phenomenal and has kept this negative under wraps.

Texas RangersCurrent Standing: 1st in the WestWeakness: Sense of Urgency Lacking A third straight World Series appearance cannot be taken for granted. Nolan Ryan and Jon Daniels have put together a very solid team that is hard to beat but

in the postseason they need to be hitting on all cylinders. The lack of hitting, the injury bug and not dominating the division have many wondering if the fire is missing.

Los Angeles AngelsCurrent Standing: 2nd in the WestWeakness: Over Relying on YouthThe Angels opened their wallets with big free agent signings this past offseason. When Albert Pujols was in a slump at the start of the season, youngsters Mike Trout and Mark Trumbo stepped up in a big way. Without these two the Rangers would have run away with the division. The inexperienced outfield could wear down towards the end of the season. Then what will they do?

Photos Courtesy: Darryl Briggs, Keith Allison

By Frank LaCosta – [email protected]

they all have a weakness

a look at the al contenders

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WE’RE PASSING GAS ALL SUMMER! Like Us On Facebook! Like The Image! You May Be A Winner!

*winner will receive a $50 gas card from QuikTrip

w e e k l yBLITZ

A fter 19-year-old Michelle Jenneke took over our laptops and naughty thoughts last week with her pre-race warmup dance at the IAAF World

Junior Championship we here at the BW office started to wonder who were our 2012 Olympic crushes? Too bad Jenneke won’t be competing but there’s always 2016. 1. Lauren Cheney

U.S. Soccer We’d kick it with her anytime.

2. Daniela Hantuchova Slovak Republic Tennis Much hotter than Roger Federer, but that’s just our opinion.

3. Darya Klishina Russia Track and Field She is one hot comrade.

4. Penny Taylor Australia Basketball We’d love to play one-on-one.

5. Jaqueline Carvalho Brazil Indoor Volleyball God’s. Gift. To. Volleyball.

6. Marta Menegatti Italy Beach Volleyball Bellissimo.

7. Hope Solo U.S. Soccer We hope she’s single.

8. Lolo Jones U.S. Track and Field She jumped over hurdles straight into our hearts.

By Blitz Weekly Staff - @BlitzWeekly

olympic obsessions

sports minded

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w e e k l yBLITZ

Opening Ceremony Produced by Danny Boyle of Slumdog Millionaire fame and headlined by David Beckham, undoubtedly the

London 2012 opening ceremony will be a big friggin’ deal. Costing upwards of $32 million dollars (USD) according to one source “It promises to be an occasion that will bring joy to Beckham’s British fans who were left disappointed that he was left out of Team GB.” I fully expect to see the Queen Mum to have a wicked breakdancing routine mid ceremony.

When: July 27

Men’s 200m Individual Medley Probably the most anticipated event in London is the showdown between Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte for the gold. Phelps, the Olympic poster boy (having won 14 gold medals), set a world record for his time at the Beijing Olympics in 2008. It’s pretty much that the top medal is headed back home to the states with either Phelps or his teammate.

When: August 1

Men’s 100m Sprint The fastest man on the planet (give or take a step), Usain Bolt, looks to solidify that title after a couple of losses recently. Bolt set a world record clocking in a 9.69 in Beijing then lowered it to 9.58 in 2009. Our boys in red, white, and blue Tyson Gay and Walter Dix are prepared to give Bolt a run for his money.

When: August 4

Women’s Beach Volleyball Gold Medal Match Your last chance to the hottest athletes in the 2012 Olympics battle it out in one of the hardest sports at the games. Team U.S.A. with Misty May-Treanor, Kerri Walsh look to add to their trophy case and bring home another set of gold medals.

When: August 8

Men’s Basketball Gold Medal Match The only game that matters for the U.S. is the one that gives you jewelry right after it. Kobe, LeBron and company look to thrash their opponent like Muhammad Ali vs. a Muppet.

When: August 12

By Cote Bailey – [email protected]

olympics edition

must see TV: 2012

The Journey to a Better You ~ Starts Now!

Lupe Ortega

IT’S TIME.

Photo Courtesy: Andy Simonds

JuLY 25 - 31, 2012 VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46


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Whether you get them delivered or have to drive like Dale Earnhardt, Jr. through traffic to get to one of their four Metroplex locations, get to Tiff’s Treats to have their warm and awesome cookies. You can choose from Snickerdoodle, peanut butter, oatmeal chocolate chip and a whole lot more. Of course we love the original chocolate chip. There’re just like your mom’s cookies…only better.

www.tiffstreats.com

Show your support for Gotham City and the fact that they apparently have a pro football team, The Gotham Rogues. These t-shirts, hoodies, hats, and jerseys are made by Under Armour a division of Wayne Enterprises.

www.underarmour.com

The reigning empress of hip-hop Nicki Minaj is extending her dominion to the far reaches of Grand Prairie when she hits the stage at the Verizon Theatre on July 29. Nicki and her legion of Barbz will be one of the biggest shows of the year in DFW.

www.verizontheatre.com

Eat It WEaR It GO tHERE

We Are the Ultimate Mini-Vacation Provider!

Sweet Escape Summer Specials:

Sweet Escape Men’s SpaDFW’s #1 Men’s Spa

VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46 JuLY 25 - 31, 2012


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Before we even be-gin to understand this: At 32 years old Tony Romo has be-

come the second all-time in the NFL for Career Passer Rating with 96.9, has the lowest career interception percentage of a Cowboy ever, and has 32 games with more than 300 pass-ing yards (that’s 19 more than Troy Aikman). These are the facts. Tony’s tenure at the helm of the Cowboys offense has been coupled with flashes of brilliance and extinguishing defeats. He has been relentlessly questioned and doubted despite proving his precision and ability to accomplish the seemingly impossible. Those aforementioned numbers are documented and not the fodder of conjecture. Tony is one step away from the elite. That step is the one that has eluded him since 2006, here’s a hint it’s 22 inches tall, weighs seven pounds, can make grown men smile and cry at the same time and rhymes with Trombardy Lophy. Until Tony can hoist that Super Bowl trophy over his head his critics can and will attribute his accomplishments to a single man’s efforts without attaining the reason for which you play the game. The building of personal statistics without the collective team achievements has made Tony in the eyes of analysts the most stopped unstoppable player in the NFL. But if we know anything about Mr. Romo we know that he will always prove the naysayers wrong. When his toughness came into question the city’s most doubted son led his team to victory against a tough San Francisco 49ers team while enduring the excruciating pain of both a fractured rib and punctured lung. When his ability was questioned last year he threw for over 4,000 yards and 31 touchdowns with a passer rating of 102.5. When people doubt his heart you can look to Romo’s 13 fourth quarter comebacks and 14 game winning drives including last season’s battle with Washington where he brought the Boys back from behind to a 27-24 win.

People will point to colossal collapses like the Jets game where a 14-point lead in the fourth quarter was blown in one of the biggest meltdowns in recent memory causing the Cowboys to lose 27-24 as a representation of the team. But just as Michael Jordan is not judged by the combined 26 missed game winning shots Tony shouldn’t be by his mistakes. The difference is Jordan won – a lot – and Tony has to win. Period. This has to be a breakout season for number 9 and we have to see one of the greatest quarterbacks to wear blue, silver, and white become immortal and lead us back to the Promised Land.

See you in New Orleans Tony, February 3, 2013.

By Danny Woodley – [email protected]

why we still believe in tony

now or never...or maybe next year

Photo Courtesy: PlayfulLiberian

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By Jay Betsill - @thefamousjaygoing back to calicowboys training camp preview

HELLOBrandon Carr - (Cornerback) Signed as a free agent from the Kansas City Chiefs, five-year contract worth a reported $50.1 million. Considered more physical and aggressive than Cowboys corners of the past few seasons.

Morris Claiborne - (Cornerback) Sixth overall pick, Cowboys traded up to select him out of LSU. He was award the Jim Thorpe Award (best defensive back), earned first-team All-SEC honors, and was recognized as a unanimous first-team All-American.

Kyle Orton - (Quarterback) Free agent signed a three-year contract with the Cowboys to replace former backup quarterback Jon Kitna, who retired after the 2011 season.

Brodney Pool - (Safety) Free agent signed a one-year deal to replace Abram Elam. Pool played under defensive coordinator Rob Ryan in Cleveland.

Nate Livings - (Guard) Free agent signed from the Cincinnati Bengals to help solidify the interior of the offensive line. GOODBYETerence Newman - Had a solid career with the Cowboys that included two Pro Bowls after being selected with the fifth pick in the first round of the 2003 draft. Slowed by injuries in recent years and was released by Dallas in March and signed by Cincinnati Bengals in April.

Keith Brooking - Became expendable with signing of Dan Conner and return of Bruce Carter from injury.

Bradie James - (see Keith Brooking) Signed with the Houston Texans in April.

Martellus Bennett - Cowboys second round pick in 2008 left via free agency by signing a one-year, $2.5 million contract with the defending Super Bowl champion New York Giants.

Abram Elam - Brought in due to his familiarity with Rob Ryan’s defensive scheme and had little impact on the field. Signed with the Kansas City Chiefs as a free agent.

ON THE BUBBLE Stephen McGee - With the signing of Orton, it is possible if not likely that Dallas will carry only two QBs. Going into his fourth season, McGee has yet to live up to his status as the team’s fourth round selection in 2009.

Mike Jenkins* - While most experts think the Cowboys should keep him, there is an outside chance he could force a move depending on his attitude in training camp following the signing of Carr and drafting of Claiborne.

Marcus Spears and/or Kenyon Coleman - Both viewed as run stoppers with little impact on the pass rush. With roster spots practically guaranteed to Lissemore, Hatcher, one of these veterans could be on their way out.

Kevin Ogletree - In his fourth season, it is time for Ogletree to prove his worth with the lack of depth at the wide receiver position.

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Training camp in the NFL signals a new beginning for franchises and (perhaps more importantly) their fans. When supporters of the Dallas Cowboys last saw their team in action, it was an embarrassing 31-14 loss to the eventual Super Bowl champion New York Giants in front of NBC’s Sunday Night Football’s national television audience. With the loss the Cowboys finished at 8-8 and were eliminated from the playoffs for the second straight year. The Cowboys will be returning to Oxnard for the 2012 training camp with plenty of storylines to follow after last season’s sub-par campaign. Gone are cornerback Terence Newman, tight end Martellus Bennett, linebackers Bradie James and Keith Brooking, safety Abram Elam and wide receiver Laurent Robinson. New faces highlighted by an overhaul to the secondary

include cornerbacks Brandon Carr and Morris Claiborne and safety Brodney Pool. The new starting corner tandem looks much better than last year’s Newman/Jenkins duo that was burned on a weekly basis. While there are still plenty of holes on the roster, the Dallas Cowboys will have high expectations. No one understands expectations better than Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. “Well, my window is getting shorter. Time goes by,” Jones told the NFL Network. “I do feel real pressure because we do have players not only in Romo but Witten and Ware to leave out several that are also in the prime of their career. And we need to strike and strike soon with those guys. [Coach] Jason Garrett feels exactly the same way about it and understands how urgent it is. Candidly, you’re looking through rose-colored glasses if we all don’t realize that now is the time to compete on the field.” OFFENSE The offense will go as far as quarterback Tony Romo will lead it. The veteran signal caller enters his tenth season with the Cowboys and does have a nice arsenal of weapons at his disposal led by wide receivers Miles Austin and Dez Bryant,

tight end Jason Witten and running back DeMarco Murray. With Bryant’s recent brush with the law (no word as of press time if he will be facing a suspension at the hands of Commissioner Roger Goodell), the question of whether or not Miles Austin can stay healthy and the departure of last season’s leading receiver Laurent Robinson (54 receptions, 858 yards, 11 touchdowns), the Cowboys may find themselves scanning the waiver wire to add some depth. Then

again, they can always go into the season with Kevin Ogletree as the third receiver. At running back, Murray is not durable to begin with and he is coming off a surgically repaired ankle while Felix Jones is entering the last season of his contract. While they added Mackenzy Bernadeau and Nate Livings to help shore up the offensive line, there is still no upgrade at center over Phil Costa Right guard Bernadeau, who was signed to help strengthen the interior of the line, has been slowed by a hip injury. As far as the tackles are concerned, on the heels of an impressive rookie

campaign, Tyron Smith will swap sides with Doug Free. Head coach Jason Garrett and new offensive coordinator and offensive line coach Bill Callahan are hopeful that moving Free back to the right side will help him regain the form that earned him the hefty contract extension. DEFENSEOn the defense side a season ago, it appeared that new defensive coordinator Rob Ryan may have tried to do too much with the little talent he inherited, especially with an often lackluster secondary that struggled to cover opposing receivers. Carr and Claiborne on the corners should go a long way towards making Ryan’s 3-4 scheme more effective. That being said, the main component to the success of the defense is DeMarcus Ware. Ware has 66.5 sacks over the past four seasons and has averaged 14 sacks a year during his career. With James and Brooking departed from the linebacking corps, free agent Dan Connor and second-year player Bruce Carter will get the bulk of playing time alongside Sean Lee in the middle. Kenyon Coleman and Jason Hatcher will go into camp as the starters at defensive end, but don’t be surprised to see rookie Tyrone Crawford carve his way into the lineup. An interesting subplot to the Cowboys defense involves cornerback Mike Jenkins and his willingness to take on a backup role in the final year of his deal. Should the Cowboys opt to not trade him, what has been a weakness in recent years could very well turn into a strength.

Photos Courtesy: Barry Lenard, James Crawford, Ed Clemente, Brian Krieger, Matt Pearce, Elise Michelle

Photo Courtesy: James D. Smith

Photo Courtesy: Darryl Briggs

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2012 DRAFT PICKS1st Round No. 6 overall Morris Claiborne, CB, LSU 3rd Round No. 81 overall Tyrone Crawford, DE, Boise State 4th Round No. 113 overall Kyle Wilber, OLB, Wake Forest 4th Round No. 135 overall Matt Johnson, S, Eastern Washington 5th Round No. 152 overall Danny Coale, WR, Virginia Tech 6th Round No. 186 overall James Hanna, TE, Oklahoma 7th Round No. 222 overall Caleb McSurdy, ILB, Montana

When the Dallas Cowboys arrive in Oxnard for training camp, the wide receiver position and its pure uncertainty will be a large topic of conversation. Miles Austin and Dez Bryant are penciled in as the starters with Kevin Ogletree the likely third receiver. Austin’s 2011 season was marred by nagging hamstring injuries, which caused him to miss six games and limited him to his lowest reception, touchdown, and yardage output since the 2008 season. Bryant finished last season with 63 receptions for 928 yards and nine touchdowns, but also had issues with injuries and his tendency to disappear in the second half of games. On July 16th, Bryant was arrested in DeSoto on a class A misdemeanor domestic violence charge for allegedly striking his biological mother. Laurent Robinson, Romo’s top target last season with 11 touchdowns, signed a five-year, $32.5 million contract with the Jacksonville Jaguars in March. Last year on September 7, he was signed

by Dallas, only to be released on September 13, after having a hamstring injury during his first practice. On September 20, he was re-signed to shore up the injury-depleted position. With so many question marks at such a key position, it is likely the Cowboys will add another receiver. Available veterans still unsigned include Braylon Edwards, Plaxico Burress, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Mike Williams, Mike Sims-Walker and former Dallas Cowboys Patrick Crayton, Roy Williams and Terrell Owens. Each of these names has reasons they are not currently on an NFL roster, but it would certainly make for some interesting chatter if Bryant gets suspended for his off-the-field incident and the Cowboys are going into opening night at the Giants with names like Danny Coale, Andre Holmes, Dwayne Harris and Raymond Radway as the third option behind Austin and Ogletree.

Who Will Be The Third Wideout?By Jay Betsill @thefamousjay & Scott Holub @cowboytrivia

Photo Courtesy: James D. Smith

Photo Courtesy: Matt Pearce

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Model Credit: Alexia Photos by Darryl BriggsAlexiaSee More of AlexiA AnD otherS At Blitzweekly.CoM

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“The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole.” ~ Oscar Wilde

At 9007 Garland Road in Dallas nestled in the quiet Lakewood community is a donut shop that is like many other donut shops except for the

under their spell By Angela Navin - @BlitzWeekly

hypnotic donuts

Hypnotic Donuts9007 Garland RdDallas, TX 75218Neighborhood: Lakewood(214) 668-6999www.hypnoticdonuts.com

Hours:Mon-Fri 6:30 am - 12 pm*Sat 7:30 am - 1 pm*Sun 8 am - 2 pm**Or until sold out”

fact that it’s completely different. Ranked at a stellar number 14 in the U.S., Hypnotic Donuts is changing the way you eat, see, and taste breakfast. Whether you are stopping in for Amy’s Chicken Biscuit or a Box Full ‘Magic, you will be presented with versions of your morning favorites the likes of which you have never seen before. Let’s see how they are putting Dallas under their spell one donut (or biscuit) at a time.

ATMOSPHERE The “Hyppie” haven gives the strip mall in which it’s located character. As soon as you walk through the door you instantly realize that you are in an anything but ambiguous locale. From the psychedelic-themed painting on the wall to the flower child accent borders (not to mention the equally as free thinking patrons) Hypnotic has a spirit all of its own. And as you wait in line for the first time and your eyes catch the first glimpse of out of this world flavor combinations that await you just beyond the glass. You are now in-tune and you begin to notice every seat is filled with people reading their papers and having conversations while eating the kitchen creations from this hippie breakfast version of Dr. Frankenstein. You begin to feel your salivary gland activate and realize that your mouth is indeed watering.

FOOD Hypnotic is not for the faint of heart or the cuisine cowardly. If you can’t imagine life beyond the jelly donut perhaps you are better suited for Dunkin’ Donuts. But should there be a part of you that yearns for something more…exotic…daring…crazy… maybe an Evil Elvis (a bacon-drizzled,

peanut buttery, banana and honey oral orgasm) then this place should be a weekly pilgrimage. The home of the Smore donut, a delicious chocolate cake based creation topped with sprinkles, marshmallows, and graham cracker and the Hell Fire, which is for the brave, consists of jalapenos, blazing habaneras, vanilla frosting and serrano peppers all waiting for your tongue as they sit atop a freshly glazed donut. The list of the extreme goes on and on from an intense biscuit like the Kaye’s to the Canadian Healthcare (a long john with a sweetness overload of maple frosting and real delicious and salty bacon). Then there are things for the “Average Joe” like plain glazed donuts. Hypnotic is the bright and vibrant flag placed on the moon of bland breakfast to signify that there is better out there.

SERVICE Friendly, warm, and inviting. Once you’re here, you’re home. I felt like a regular after about ten minutes.

BLITz-WORTHY For the food and for the flavorful adventure this place is one of the best destinations in DFW. And the most expensive thing on the entire menu is only six bucks. Also hats off to their Oak Cliff coffee, as a Starbucks fanatic I was indelibly impressed with the drink that served as the perfect compliment to this glazed paradise.

What to eat: The Hypnotic, Evil Elvis, the Hell Fire, Kaye’s Biscuit, and the Wavy Gravy Biscuit

Who eats there: The A.M. hippie, foodie fanatics, Adam Richman, and Elvis impersonators

Photos Courtesy: Peter H., Daisy G., Marshall Y.

JuLY 25 - 31, 2012 VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46


The record industry just ain’t what it used to be. A little over a decade ago we were running to places like Virgin Megastore, FYE, or the mom and pop record stores

to purchase our favorite artist’s new album. Now receiving the newest music simply re-quires an internet connection, no gas money, and no, well, money. Now before the anti-pi-racy Gestapo gets their panties in a bunch, this article is not in advocacy of the pilfer-ing of artists hard earned rhythmic jewels nor is it a condemnation of these acts or the sites that aid them it is simply a les-son that times have changed. Prepare to adapt. Top-selling pop artist at the start of the 21st century enjoyed the beyond opulent lifestyle that selling six or seven million copies of their album at $17.99 or higher afforded them. Fast-forward nine years and Rihanna’s Rated R album was on sale with a coupon for .99 cents. The gravy train with biscuit wheels had indefensibly derailed. Why? The dawn of the digital age that’s why. Napster had opened up a flood gate that couldn’t be closed no matter how many normal everyday citizens were hit with lawsuits for illegal downloading, no matter how many sites were shut down the bomb that would turn the music industry on its head found itself with its fuse lit. Today we have a myriad of ways to attain our music and iTunes used to reign over the digital music domain with an iron fist. And although Apple is still the safest way to obtain your music, many fans are choosing not to pay. The emergence of YouTube to MP3 sites like FLVTO, dirpy!, Xenra and dozens upon dozens more has left Google in a never ending war on piracy, while legal music fans find refuge with online radio like Pandora or

Spotify. Internet radio is a fast and reliable way to hear music free of charge or by paying a low monthly subscription. Either way you can exist in a world free of iTunes. To be fair Apple does offer free downloads, which is a decision totally left up to the artist. But the speed and availability of ways to attain new and maybe hard to find music leads people to become desensitized to the fact that they are in actuality stealing it. Or perhaps they do realize it and feel as though these huge

corporations behind their favorite artists pockets are so big that they couldn’t possibly feel the slight pinch that little ol’ me taking one or two measly little songs. Next time you are paying

an exorbitant amount for concert tickets remember that you are on the wrong end of those trickle down economics. That debt will be paid, one way or another. Even if all the “pirating” sites disappeared off the face of the earth overnight and we all used iTunes the problem would still remain. We simply won’t pay what we use to for our music. If you walked into a restaurant that sold

hamburgers for $5 and they started to sell those same hamburgers for $1 well it would be hard to get you to pay $5 again. The restaurant would just have to adapt and start finding opportunities to build up their profit margins in new ways.

Much like the music industry has had to; higher concert tickets, ringtones,

merchandise, etc. Building their business plan on the hopes that you and I will continue to shell out a buck or two to buy the

new Justin Bieber single on iTunes is a faulty one at best. I fully expect them

to learn how to maneuver in this new, hostile terrain. Our love for music will not diminish

nor our want to see our idols on stage or walk around with them blasting out of our overpriced headphones so the demand will always be there – how we are supplied however will constantly change.

14

Many may not know this, but Marvel Com-ics actually has two universes for their line of heroes. The first is the 616 (closely re-lated to our world) and the other is the

Ultimate Universe, which contains slightly altered ver-sions of the characters that we are all familiar with. Last year, writer Brian Michael Bendis shook up the Ultimate books by killing off Marvel’s most iconic and beloved superhero: Peter Parker, AKA Spider-man. Dy-ing as a true hero, Peter Parker sacrificed himself in a battle with the Green Goblin in order to save his family. The story made headlines, but Ultimate Spidey would continue to grab headlines with another game-changer. Miles Morales, a young African-American student from Queens, would take over as the new wall-crawler. It turns out that Bendis was saving his biggest event for this summer, which debuted in the form of the

mini-series Spider-men. Peter Parker, after a brief skirmish with Mysterio – the master illusionist – has been transported to the Ultimate Universe. This is a universe in which he is dead, there is a new Spider-man, and some characters never met their end (Gwen Stacy included). It’s foreign territory for the Friendly Neighborhood Web-slinger. Bendis really amps up the stakes by having the two Spider-men meet, fight, and fight alongside one another. Clearly a fan of the character, the writer shows the similarities between the two, while also revealing the divide within their personalities. Seeing the two heroes talk and fight villains will bring a smile to the face of any reader.

Art duties fall on Sara Pichelli, a relatively new addition to the Marvel team. Utilizing all of her artistic talent, Pichelli puts out some of the best artwork that has ever graced the comic book medium. The action scenes are dynamic and tense, the conversations convey a full spectrum of emotion, and the cityscapes are detailed and vast. Her art is easily comparable to the comic artist greats, and it is the perfect fit for this mini-series. It is a good time to be a Spidey fan. The Amazing Spider-man recently hit theaters and wowed audiences, satisfying old fans while also bringing in scores of newcomers. And now a comic has hit stands that will blow the minds of any and every reader who picks it up. The story by Brian Michael Bendis alone is enough to warrant a purchase, but the perfect pencils from Sara Pichelli make this a must-own comic book. The mini has just reached its halfway point, so there is enough time to catch up and experience this amazing story. Head to your local comic book store immediately and catch up on the action.

By Joshua Rush - [email protected]

By Ethan Harmon - [email protected]

has the day of paying for music online come and gone?

two worlds collide

ipay

spider-men

VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46 JuLY 25 - 31, 2012


I’m sitting here after the shootings at Century 16 movie theater in Aurora, Colorado to write what was going to be a column on my interview with director Christopher Nolan about The Dark Knight Rises and how it was the crowning glory of his remarkable trilogy, but all I can do is brush away tears as I think about the horror and senseless violence that occurred during opening night’s screening where twelve people lost their lives and dozens of others were injured when a lone gunman dressed in black and wearing a helmet, body armor and a gas mask opened fire on the packed theater. With that in mind, I simply could not pull together a light, tongue-in-cheek piece about how awesome this movie is, and how it broke the bank in its opening weekend. Instead, I want to first and foremost express my deepest condolences and heartfelt sympathy to the victims of this terrible tragedy. It breaks my heart as I can imagine the anticipation and excitement with which they were filled before entering the theater to be swept away by the action and drama of The Dark Knight Rises, a film they’d no doubt been waiting to see for months. To have what should have been a fun filled night out with family and friends turn into a gruesome massacre that no one could ever have imagined is mind blowing. I’m not so naïve as to believe that there are any truly safe havens in this day and time, but I guess this seems especially unconscionable

to me because I, like many others, love the movies. And I don’t mean waiting on the DVD to come out or catching a movie on television. I mean I love the experience of going to the movies, getting in my car, driving to the theater, standing in line for my ticket and finally walking in and taking in the aroma of hot buttered popcorn. And when the lights in the theater go down, and all the trailers have run and the film starts for those couple of hours. I can be a superhero, a ballerina, a sports giant, a young girl in love for the first time or take a breathtaking trip around the world or around the galaxy. See that’s what the movies represent. A magical, euphoric suspension of reality where anything is possible. You could still feel that sense of wide eyed innocence and wonder of youth on a day at the movies. And I’m sad that yet another idyllic universal institution has been marred by violence. I’m sad that there are people in this world who believe that their failures and disappointments in life are justification for destroying the lives of others. I’m sad that the people who worked so hard on this movie will forever be coupled with the demented acts of a man who somehow managed to legally obtain a small arsenal of weapons and ammunition and wreak havoc on an entire community in Colorado. I’m sad that for a long time to come, no one will go to a movie theater with the same carefree, happy-go-lucky spirit as we have in the past because somewhere in the back of our minds

we’ll secretly wonder if some psycho is going to storm into our theater and start shooting. But more than any of those things, I’m sad that mothers and fathers, sons and daughters were killed without provocation, without reason and a community of their family, friends and loved ones are left to grieve and wonder “Why?” every day for the rest of their lives. In closing, I would like to share the statement Christopher Nolan had regarding the shooting: “Speaking on behalf of the cast and crew of The Dark Knight Rises, I would like to express our profound sorrow at the senseless tragedy that has befallen the entire Aurora community. I would not presume to know anything about the victims of the shooting but that they were there last night to watch a movie. I believe movies are one of the great American art forms and the shared experience of watching a story unfold on screen is an important and joyful pastime. The movie theatre is my home, and the idea that someone would violate that innocent and hopeful place in such an unbearably savage way is devastating to me. Nothing any of us can say could ever adequately express our feelings for the innocent victims of this appalling crime, but our thoughts are with them and their families.”

In times like this, I wish there really were superheroes to save the day.

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By Aeryn Ripley– @BlitzWeekly

Mike Piazza –Was caught off-guard when his former Playmate wife was asked about the infamous Clemens vs. Piazza broken bat standoff blurted out to photogs, “Does he [Mike] think Roger Clemens was on ‘roids when he broke that bat? Yes! He DOES think that!” Mike was less than pleased.

Mariah Carey – Is the newest judge of American Idol. The pop diva inked a deal worth just north of $18 million (that’s six million more than JLo made in year one with the show). The jury is still out on whether or not the show is watchable.

Halle Berry – Was in need of an ice pack and a little more last week when she took a blow to the noggin while filming a fight scene for her new movie The Hive. Berry suffered a concussion and began vomiting so she was rushed to Cedars Sinai Medical Center in L.A. Berry was released and will continue production.

By Vivian Fullerlove - [email protected]

dark knight shootings

hollywood profile

Christopher Nolan’s Batman films have completely redefined the superhero genre. Batman Begins showed audiences the deeper, darker side of the Caped Crusader. The Dark Knight continued to push the envelope, making it a critical success as well as a box office titan. The performances of Christian Bale and Heath Ledger coupled with layered philosophical and psychological themes made The Dark Knight more than just a superhero film. It became a staple for the genre. Now, four years after the last film, Nolan and company are back with the third and final film of the trilogy: The Dark Knight Rises. It has been eight years since the events of The Dark Knight, and Bruce Wayne has become a recluse. Gotham is thriving and its citizens are

living mostly peaceful lives. But a monster will surface, forcing Bruce to don the cape and cowl again to save his beloved city. Screenwriters Christopher and Jonathan Nolan have tirelessly poured everything they have into the script for this film. Mirroring the themes of Batman Begins and showing an even darker tale than The Dark Knight, this film is a magnificent journey for Batman’s final outing. Directed flawlessly with visually-striking action, fluid dialog, and incredible cinematography, Nolan has created the best film in the trilogy. Christian Bale returns as Bruce Wayne/Batman, and acts each scene pitch-perfect, adding even more depth to this beloved hero. He encapsulates each character beat, allowing

audiences to connect with Batman even more so than previous outings. Newcomer Tom Hardy portrays the menacing Bane, the physical manifestation of “Gotham’s reckoning.” Wearing a mask throughout the feature, Hardy relies on body language, his voice, and his eyes to give his brutish character layers of pathos and horror, and he does so with gusto, making each scene his own. Anne Hathaway straps herself in a skin-tight suit, becoming the femme fatale Selina Kyle/Catwoman (her alter ego is never named in the film). This anti-hero had people worried, but Hathaway works the role with ease, stealing scenes with her graceful, acrobatic fighting skills and devilishly playful personality. Joseph Gordon-Levitt brings some heart into the affair with his

sympathetic cop John Blake and Marion Cotillard adds light to Bruce’s world as Miranda Tate. Gary Oldman, Michael Caine, and Morgan Freeman reprise their respective roles, each of which are played out with just as much flair and emotion as the previous films. The Dark Knight Rises is the final film in Christopher Nolan’s trilogy, and it is the best one to date. With his brother Jonathan, Nolan has scripted one of the best, if not the best, superhero film that has ever graced the silver screen. Nolan concludes his trilogy by giving audiences Batman’s greatest, most heartfelt adventure. The Dark Knight Rises is a phenomenal movie, and one that should be watched more than once.

By Ethan Harmon - [email protected] MovieREvIEW of dark knight rises

JuLY 25 - 31, 2012 VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46


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Photos Courtesy: Chevrolet Motor Company

Apple MacBook Pro with Retina DisplayThis latest Apple gadget has the diehard Apple-fanatics running to the nearest mall to give the mega-giant a mortgage payment or two and with good reason. The all-new Pro comes with the Retina display (in layman’s terms that means the visual quality is awwwwwwwesome. You could probably see a gnat on a frogs a*s six miles away in thick fog). Boasting as the the world’s highest resolution for a notebook (2880 x 1800), a 25% thinner frame, and upgraded guts the Pro is the new essential cool. ($2,200 +)

Master Lock Dialspeed Padlock Master Lock has finally upgraded for us techies who have tired of the humdrum caveman-like padlocks of the days of old and they have unveiled the Dialspeed. The lock of the future uses an electronic directional interface so you’ll never have to spin that wheel again. You can program multiple codes plus the battery lasts for five years. High school will never be the same. ($25)

Nomiku Not since man rubbed two sticks together and made fire has a greater discovery been made! The Nomiku is that flame my friend! Well…kind of. You see the Nomiku sits in a standard pot and actually heats the water to the desired temperature by using the dial pad and 1.3” OLED screen. Consider the wheel officially re-invented. ($300)

For 2013, the Chevrolet Malibu enters its eighth generation and the first version re-leased is the Malibu Eco. Let me begin by saying I love what

Chevy has done with the Malibu of late. Vast improvements have been made to styling – inside and out – and the overall driving experience. It was not too long ago when the automaker gave Malibu its due attention but for 2013 the vehicle needed to be hitched to a new global architecture as this is the model soon to be seen ‘round the world. All that said, I believe this Eco version and its use of GM’s new eAssist technology was a bit of a miss for Malibu. I recently tested the Buick LaCrosse with its version of this same powertrain and enjoyed that experience but for mainstream application eAssist is not totally up to par given the competition all have vehicles capable of achieving similar fuel economy with conventional gasoline engines, some even besting Malibu Eco’s ratings. Malibu overall is where it needs to be to compete in the midsize sedan segment and competitive models have recently stepped up their game as well with much of the segment now resembling premium midsize entrants. The new Malibu is very quiet on the road and while I would not pretend it to be a track

By David Goodspeed - [email protected]

running clean

gearshift : 2013 chevrolet malibu eco

performer it does exhibit very good road manners with no residual dullness. Content is above par as is comfort and quality. Chevy is proving itself competent to not only compete in this segment but give the others (Altima, Camry, Sonata) a run for their money. That brings me back to this Eco model. The eAssist powertrain is its “Achilles heel” in my opinion. I would have much rather seen the little turbo four used by Cruze than the stop-start technology of this Eco-edition. The driving experience is a bit rough around the edges with the eAssist announcing its presence with too much vigor. Not to mention the Eco sacrifices quite a bit of cargo space in the trunk to the battery pack. Its 2.4-liter four-cylinder gas engine is mated to a 15 kW electric motor backed by a 115-volt Lithium-Ion battery pack so the vehicle has a bit of a boost at launch but little more. Fuel economy figures come in at 25 mpg city and 37 mpg highway – the new Altima hits 39 highway with just a gas engine. Pricing for the 2013 Malibu Eco begins at just under 26 grand with our loaded tester arriving at $29,100. This edition is only available in North America. Chevrolet will launch the rest of the 2013 Malibu fleet later this year to be sold in nearly 100 countries on six continents.

VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46 JuLY 25 - 31, 2012


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ACROSS1. Call forth6. If not10. Frost14. Fend off15. 64 in Roman numerals16. Bright thought17. Vineyard fruit18. Spindle19. Close20. Responsibility22. Handguns23. Fury24. Foolish26. A type of tree resin30. Rock32. Of a pelvic bone33. Triangular headsail37. Acquire deservedly38. Jargon39. Calamitous40. Betrayal42. Iron or steel

43. Crystal-lined rock44. Unorthodox tenets45. They make wool47. Preschooler48. Gull-like bird49. Express in different

words56. Arm or leg57. Holly58. Lubricated59. By mouth60. Not a single one61. Drugged62. Sea eagle63. Obtains64. Tale

DOWN 1. Therefore2. “Action word”3. Iridescent gem4. Yachting cap5. Melancholy6. Gladden7. 71 in Roman numerals8. Storage cylinder9. A daily evening church

service10. Instigator11. Something to shoot for12. Substantial13. Hearing organs 21. Arrive (abbrev.)25. Hotel26. Weight loss plan27. Winglike28. Bog29. Controllable30. Surplus31. Small

33. Sleigh34. Go fly a ____!35. Historical periods36. Depend38. Buying 41. C42. Ways of doing things44. Jump45. To scour46. What we are47. What we pay to the govt.48. Blackthorn50. Found in some lotions51. Lease52. Violent disturbance53. As well54. Clairvoyant55. Countercurrent

LeoJuly 23 – August 22Even though no one can possibly know how you feel right now it only proves how pathetic you are that you were dumped by that bearded woman from McDonald’s.

VirgoAugust 23 – September 22The weather will be hot as hell on Saturday, but trust us, that won’t be the headline they’ll be talking about on the news.

LibraSeptember 23 – October 22The black widow spider may not have the most powerful venom of any spider in the world, but it’s still going to do quite a number on your hand.

ScorpioOctober 23 – November 21They say there’s nothing new under the sun, so it’ll come as no surprise when this week turns out to be exactly like the last week of July 2007.

SagittariusNovember 22 – December 21 Not everyone finds the kind of love they want. But then again, so far, no one has had to settle for you either.

CapricornDecember 22 – January 19It’s hard to tell someone who’s always been there for you that you’re no longer in love, that’s why you’ll hire a Sing-A-Gram.

AquariusJanuary 20 – February 18Your new career is going so well that at this rate, there might not be any Waffle House waitresses left alive in six years.

PiscesFebruary 19 – March 20You’ve always stressed the importance of manners, but you don’t think they need to prevent anyone from killing as many people as possible.

AriesMarch 21 – April 19You’ve always considered yourself a “cat” person which will cause quite a controversy when the police find your body buried at the bottom of a litter box.

TaurusApril 20 – May 20Even though plastic bags are not really considered a toy, you still think they make a great gift for your young nieces and nephews.

GeminiMay 21 – June 21You may say there’s nothing wrong with a week in Hawaii, yet your doctors recommend that you start your chemotherapy today.

CancerJune 22 – July 22Recently you’ve come to the conclusion that people are just no good, no matter how you slice, fry, braise, puree or sauté them.

BLITZ FuNNySQ: What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?A: An air bag.

Q: How do you get a fat woman into bed?A: Piece of cake!

Q: Did you hear about the new “Stealth Condom”?A: They’ll never see you coming.

The Tattoo ParlorA most distinguished looking lady walks into a tattoo parlor, and sits down.

NO INTEREST/LOVE PAYMENT PLAN Kentucky’s WKYT-TV reports Heather Kaminskey, 30, the mother of a 6-month-old baby, needed cash to support her drug habit. That’s why she made a swap with Jamie and Jeremy Brown, taking their old truck in exchange for her little son. The buyer of that truck paid her $800... before calling police, who arrested the Browns, but were still looking for Kaminskey.

DOING TIME FOR STEALING TIMECaught fighting with another thief over stolen property, Panama City, Florida,

Solution on Page 18

The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated woman in his seedy tattoo shop, goes over to the woman immediately and asks if he can help her. To his shock, and utter delight, she lifts her designer dress, and points to her left inner thigh—very high up. “Right here,” she says, “I want you to tattoo a turkey with the word ‘Thanksgiving’ under it.” Then she points to her right inner thigh—just as high up—and says, “On this side, I want you to tattoo a Christmas tree, with lights and tinsel, and an angel on top. And underneath the tree I want the word ‘Christmas.’” The tattoo artist looks at her, puzzled. He says, “Lady, it’s none of my business, but that is the most unusual request I have ever had. Why in the world would you want that?” “Well,” the lady said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there is never anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

police arrested Michael Marquez, 34, then placed him alone inside an interrogation room. There, he was caught stuffing a clock into his backpack, one he’d just stolen off the wall in that room.

NOPE, NO “‘POT” ALLOWEDFor one night each year, those looking for the love of their life may participate in “weed dating” for singles, at the Earthy Delights Farm, in Boise, Idaho. There, each and every woman attending is assigned a bed of crops, where a new man rotates into her weed-pulling area every three minutes.

JuLY 25 - 31, 2012 VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46


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ThE CLOSER

Wheat Monkey AleBrewed by: Lakefront Brewery, Inc.ABV: 4.20%This brew is for easy summer drinking. Pours a light golden color with not much head. Minimal lacing on the sides. It has a strong wheat aroma with hints of citrus. The taste is similar to the aroma however there is some hop bitterness at the end. Body is medium-light with moderate carbonation. It’s easily drinkable with a semi-dry finish.

Casa Blanca JereboamWrapper: Connecticut Binder: Mexico Filler: Domincan Republic Strength: MildThis cigar is massive and mild. Pre-smoke has an earthy scent to it. Has a good initial draw and is well constructed. Check the ash as they’ve been known to burn unevenly at times. The flavor of toasted nuts and pepper come through… barely. Again it’s a mild smoke. Give yourself a couple of hours knock this one out. This is one Texas-sized cigar.

Grateful DeadIngredients:1 Part Tequila 1 Part Vodka 1 Part Light Rum 1 Part Gin 1 Part Chambord Raspberry Liqueur Mixing Instructions:Shake ingredients then pour over ice in a collins glass and serve.

There’s nothing wrong with “revenge sex,” however, save it for the next woman who cheats on you.

The movie Revenge of the Nerds is the pinnacle blueprint of how the fat, geeky, half-ugly, or sexually unsure kid could get the hottest chick in school. I know first hand what it feels like to have a crush on a beautiful woman, who rejected my advances and belittled me. So, I feel your pain bro!

I cannot honestly advise you to take advantage of this woman for the sake of revenge. You’re both adults now and its past time to let go of your childhood crushes and heartbreaks. John Hughes would be proud of you if you did!

Remember high school in many ways is simply a mash-up of quasi-thugs, celebrity teen moms, fat kids who love cake, and sadly a rapidly declining teacher population. However, despite all of this everyone survives and become the people that God meant for them to be! That’s the karma loop!

The Answer Guy answer of the week is simple “GET OVER YOURSELF!”

Otherwise you’re forever be the little fat kid inside!

The AnsweR GUYwith ARTHUR BELLFIELD

Dear Arthur, Last month I ran into an old high school crush of mine at a restaurant. She was one of the “cool girls” and I was one of the fat kids in the hallway that she and her band of mutually hot chicks use to berate. Well times have changed and due to my horrible high school experience I became a physical trainer and have sculpted quite the physique. She asked me for my number and I obliged. So it is wrong that I am just aiming to have revenge sex or am I justified to give her the cold pelvic thrust of karma? Signed, Don’t Call Me Large Larry

Addie Corley How You Know Her:You can see this gorgeous young lady on the sidelines at OSU cheering on her Cowboys. She and her squad were in Dallas for the Big 12 Conference and we decided to pop quiz this bubbly, smiley, and bright pom-pom powerhouse.

Why cheerleading?Well I’m on the pom squad and I love to dance. I have been doing it ever since I was little. I never thought about going to a sporting event and not being on the field and being a part of the “pep” of the game.

Is professional cheerleading in your future?I would like to be a professional cheerleader.

Favorite playerOn offense Joseph Randle. I like to see him breakout and just run down the field.

Most embarrassing momentAt a [basketball] game we were dancing and we had tops that were pinned together in the back like a halter and my top snapped and I had to catch it and run off the court. But I was peppy and spirited the whole way off.

Coolest place you have visited as a cheerleader for OSUProbably Phoenix, Arizona for the Fiesta Bowl. It was absolutely amazing.

What do you do for fun?I teach dance and I like to go to the lake. I’m a lake rat; anything on the water from wakeboarding to tubing.

One thing that people don’t know about cheerleadingIt’s really difficult. We have two hour practices three days a week and that’s just practice. And then there is putting in the time of games. We have basketball games like three days a week. It’s not a guaranteed hour practice either. It can alway go over if our coach doesn’t feel we are prepared.

Guilty pleasureI’m a sweets girl and I could eat a cookie rather than a sandwich. I would take two cookies over a sandwich any day.

What kind of cookies?Chocolate chip, but I do like the double chocolate too.

VOL. 4 - ISSuE 46 JuLY 25 - 31, 2012


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