beware these tricks for making you look bad in meetings _ gretchen rubin _ linkedin
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
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200 Posts 1,235,935 followers FollowGretchen RubinBestselling writer about habits and happiness www.gretchenrubin.com
Beware These Tricks for MakingYou Look Bad
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
2/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home- 2/16
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+ 616
drove him nuts.)
6. I think what Pat is trying to say isThe speaker shows that he's a good listener
and give credit to others, while demonstrating that he can take Pats simple thought further
than Pat could.
7. I can see why you might think that.Variant: I used to think that, too.The
speaker sounds sympathetic, while indicating that she's moved far ahead in understanding.
Of course, a person could say all these things without being undermining. It depends on
context and motivation. Still, its useful to think about how seemingly innocuous comments
might carry an edge.
What other actions make you unhappy in a meeting? When two people write each other
notes or whisper, when someone is obviously reading unrelated material, when people
argue about philosophical matters irrelevant to the matter at hand, or surreptitiously check
a phone? What am I forgetting? (For tips for running a good meeting, check here. For
more ideas about how to be happier at work, check here.)
I'm hard at work on Better Than Before, a book about how we make and break
habits.In it, I reveal the secretof habit-formation -- really.Sign up hereto be
notified when it goes on sale. Or if you want to read the whole book condensed into
21 sentences, read here.
+++
Gretchen Rubinis the author of the blockbuster New York Timesbestsellers,The
Happiness Projectand Happier at Home. She writes about happiness and habit-
formation(the subject of her next book, Better Than Before) at gretchenrubin.com.Follow her here by clicking the yellow FOLLOW button, on Twitter, @gretchenrubin,
on Facebook, facebook.com/GretchenRubin.
Photo: World Bank Photo Collection, Flickr
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Add your comment...
Patrick A. Callahan
Providing Operational, Supply Chain and Logistical Solutions to Global Organizations
No insight to the "how to professionally respond" to these situations?
Like(23) Reply(3) 19 hours ago
Gagandeep Kaur, Tricia Falk, Ron Maga, +20
3 Replies
Rafael Gameros
super user.
I find that it helps to ask myself these types of questions before going into ameeting or before making a business case. If I can anticipate the questions, and to
some extent, challenge my own assumptions and/or points, I can be better
prepared to counter any arguments and/or build upon my own statements. If you
find yourself trying to 'respond professionally' in the heat of the moment, you didn't
take enough time to prepare, imo.
Like(4) 16 hours ago
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
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9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
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Rosalind Spiers Bluestone, Greg Dickson, Gustavo Cortez, +1
Jeremie Flechard
Process, tests and development engineer. Metal working process
improvement for ACOME, automobile wire supplier
I think one key may be to build trust. If everything can be misunderstood, it is the
trust that can make choose the right version of your/his meaning.
If are on the other side and hear someone using double meaning phrases, you
have typically two choices : play better and answer or ignore.
Like(1) 18 hours ago
Iris Gordon-Bouvier
Show More
Mike Schepper
Marketing Director at Transfac Capital
Yep...love the breakdown -
1. I dont need all the details. Lets just get to the bottom line. - I m not listening
2. Well, these are the facts. I know more than you.
3. You might be right. I dont think you are right until I verify it for myself.
4. Im wondering about ____. Pat, please get back to us on this. You do the work, Ill take
the credit
5. You did a great job on that, Pat! Im happy to give you MY approval
6. I think what Pat is trying to say is Thanks for trying, Ill take it from here7. I can see why you might think that. Variant: I used to think that, too. Then I evolved
Like(29) Reply(4) 12 hours ago
Jaume Snchez Bernat, Rosalind Spiers Bluestone, Ilaria Di Salvo, +26
4 Replies
Billy Flatman
Freelance Software Developer & Consultant
I think what Gretchen was trying to say is...
Like 1 hour ago
Roger Butler
Marketing Executive Manager at Marketing and Advertising Company
That sums up the whole article. :D
Like(1) 4 hours ago
Andrew MacPhail
Show More
Jim Godoy
Regional Vice President - Field Supervision at Royal Alliance Associates INC
Let me try to add a little positivity to some of these examples. I personally know people who feel
the way the author describes in the article but I honestly have to say that I would consider these
people the problem, not the language used with them.
1. I dont need all the details. Lets just get to the bottom line. - I m not listening
---Or maybe I trust you judgement, in the interest of everyones time please give me theimportant info.
2. Well, these are the facts. I know more than you.
--- In the interest of time and/or based on the research I or someone else has already
completed, here are the important points.
3. You might be right. I dont think you are right until I verify it for myself.
----May you are right... here is some more info to consider.
4. Im wondering about ____. Pat, please get back to us on this. You do the work, Ill take
the credit (if it's Pat's job or if he is the subject matter expert, this would make sense).
5. You did a great job on that, Pat! Im happy to give you MY approval
---I'm really appreciative of the work you did. (silly to think you can't give a peer or even a more
senior person a compliment).
6. I think what Pat is trying to say is Thanks for trying, Ill take it from here (if this is done in
the right context there shouldn't be any issues, sometimes someone else may say it better, or
maybe just better for the current audience)
7. I can see why you might think that. Variant: I used to think that, too. Then I evolved
----I used to think that too, I learned..... which is what changed my opinion. Or maybe there is
more to consider now and special circumstances not widely known.
Like(30) Reply(2) 8 hours ago
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
4/16
-
8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
5/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home- 5/16
have to deposit $5 into the buzzword jar. All the money collected will go to the wise
individual who figures out how to end the meeting the soonest.
Like(6) 8 hours ago
Laura Lingle, Sean Cameron, Lisette Holmes, +3
John Hawkins
Sr Product Line Manager at Ciena
Yikes! You guys must lose a lot of sleep wondering what "good job" really meant... If you're in
that toxic an environment, when you have to question every word out of a colleague's mind, you
might want to find a different place to spend your time! Life's too short.
Can't we all just get along?
john
Like(12) Reply 12 hours ago
Rasmus Ostenfeld Firla-Holme, Lance Harvie, Demet Sag, Ph.D, +9
'Rauf BADEJO (MCIPS)
Material & Supply Planning Manager (Group) at PZ Cussons
Assuming someone is truly using these tricks, what then should be response to avoid getting
undermined? I think what what you take out of those lines actually reflect more of your own
state of mind rather than the speakers' intentions.
Like(12) Reply 15 hours ago
Billy Flatman, Logan Sosa, Chuck Sanchez, +9
John Richardson
Professional Speaker, Trainer, and Published Author SMARTER Goals for Life
Software Training
I've heard almost all those statements in meetings. It really depends on the tone and voice
inflection to draw out the real meaning. One of the big problems is that they are easily taken out
of context. Something that is meant as a compliment, can suddenly be a slight. Thanks for
enlightening us on the possible dual meanings...
Like(12) Reply 19 hours ago
Paul Mansfield, Citlali Moreno, Sean Taylor, +9
Lourens R van Niekerk
Director at National Government of RSA
I used to think that, too, Daniel
Like(9) Reply 16 hours ago
Eric Abramson, David Carrington, Phil Doucette, +6
Matthew Tuers
Marketing and Creative
I used to think this way too, Miss Rubin... and you might be right, but you really need to look at
who's saying these things and in what context. To follow your conclusions and use these
phrases as indicators of malicious behavior or disrespect will lead to maddening paranoia.
Like(7) Reply(3) 8 hours ago
Logan Sosa, Christina Lim, Matt Svensson, +4
3 Replies
Joyce Gell
National Executive Search and Career Consultation
Perhaps not malicious but disrespectful, yeah. I think the problem lies with these
"meetings" - substitutes for work and executive posturing, let's be honest. Do any
substantive decisions come out of them really? Probably not. But the sheer
numbers of unnecessary internal meetings are just like, well, the endless sessions
of this Congress, a waste of time
Like(1) 7 hours ago
Kelley Mackaig
Michael J. Carpenter
Graphics Validation Engineer | Indie GameDev | Hospital Corpsman
Understand that somethings things get lost in translation for some people. Doesn't
make it right but in life and business, perception is reality. So I'd say it's wise to
make sure there is little wiggle room for someone to misinterpret you or more
importantly, your intention. It seems overly nuanced but it matters to some people.
Paranoia about the how you communicate with others should be part of your
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
6/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home- 6/16
business in marketing. Working in psych, it certainly is in mine.
And judging from your snarky reply, I imagine this article is targeting people with
your views.
Like(1) 8 hours ago
Tim Greig
Show More
Fred Stawitz
Author of "Don't Run Naked Through The Office!"
Great points! This type of behavior extends beyond meetings. Bad managers have a pocket full
of traps and techniques they use to manipulate unwary employees such as creating false
urgency and you-go-first agreements where they never plan to deliver on their side of the
bargain. My new book "Don't Run Naked Through The Office" reveals more than 25 of these
traps and manipulation techniques. Once you learn to recognize the setup you can easily learn
to avoid getting caught by them.
Like(9) Reply(1) 18 hours ago
Demet Sag, Ph.D, Danelia Argueta, MBA, Eric Abramson, +6
1 Reply
Gregor Lyttek
Specialized computer scientist in application development at Available for
Opportunities - Open any location
Avoiding them is not the main issue, yes it does hurt poeple and the productivity,but the way is to stop them occouring all together. However what I wanted to say
was Fred, that I absolutely agree with you on your topics!
Like 18 hours ago
Sam Kishaish
I write about leadership, technology and philosophy. If you like my comments, why not
follow me on LinkedIn?
My favorite is "I hear what you're saying", which always seems to imply "but I don't give a
damn".
Like(8) Reply 18 hours ago
Rodolfo Riverol, Olalekan Dada, Marisela Rivera-Resio, +5
Don McLaughlin
Senior Software Engineer at Good Technology
I don't worry about "tricks" of any sort at work. I just do the job to the best of my ability. Beyond
that, if such tricks truly make a difference in my standing with my colleagues I will probably
move on.
Like(7) Reply 15 hours ago
Logan Sosa, Susanne Madison, Tina Bowles, +4
Stephen Stouffer
Data Analyst | Marketing Automation
While it is nice to point out the things you SHOULDN'T say... however i'm disappointed that
there was no substitute suggestion. This article simply makes us hesitant to say anything. I
would like to see a followup article about the RIGHT way to word your thoughts in a respectfulway.
Good article but lacking in any kind of resolution.
Like (7) Reply 7 hours ago
Logan Sosa, Magdalena Gawel, Mohamed Hermas, +4
Mike Nash
Business Efficiency and Integration Specialist
This is a terrible article, pandering to people who seek to be offended at every encounter.
Like (7) Reply 7 hours ago
Mohamed Hermas, Shawna Cross, Darryl West, +4
Hans van Dam
Extractiespecialist (SQL Server) at Kennemer Gasthuis
This is nice for filling a book or something but not very practical.
Problem is that if you have to wheigh every sentence in a meeting, trying not to be
misunderstood by, or being offensive to anyone, you better cancel all meetings.
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
7/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home- 7/16
I think that if the spirit at work is good: collegues try to understand eachother, they trust
eachother, they want to go for 'it', whatever 'it' might be, this is not an issue because WHAT you
say matters more than HOW you say it.
If it is an issue and it matters more HOW you say it, then it is just a symptom of something else
being wrong with one or more collegues, management, or even worse, througout the whole
company.
Kind regards,
Hans van Dam
Like (7) Reply 1 hour ago
Jan Maas, Stefan Burstrm, Jamie Beaney, +4
Gabrielle Wills
Economist
So then what are you supposed to say?
Like(7) Reply 58 minutes ago
Werner Du Preez, Richard Cabrera, Stefan Burstrm, +4
Christopher Whitson
Boss, Entrepreneur, Novelist
You're insane. This banal list makes no sense.
1. "I don't need all the details. Let's get to the bottom line" This same idea can be conveyed in a
way that makes perfect sense by saying, "We'll dive into the details later. Right now, let's keep
things as bottom line as possible."
2. "Well, these are the facts." If they simply ARE the facts, then the speaker is stating that. In
this case it would be bizarre NOT to say it.
3. "You might / may be right." This conveys a sense of deference and open-mindedness. It only
undermines someones authority and credibility if that person has a lizard brain.
4. Im wondering about ____. Pat, please get back to us on this. If Pat DOES report to the
speaker, then where is the problem here???
5. You did a great job on that, Pat! Anyone who assumes this statement is condescending
without hearing the tone or context has a SERIOUS mental disorder and should seek
professional help immediately.
6. "I think what Pat is trying to say is..." Simply by adding the phrase, "correct me if I'm wrong,
Pat," eliminates any impropriety and demonstrates respect.
7. "I can see why you might think that." If the speaker is simply being HONEST, honesty itself is
a HUGE sign of respect... I think you need to go back to school...
Like(5) Reply(1) 6 hours ago
Logan Sosa, Chouaib Hamrouche, Mike Nash, +2
1 Reply
Paul Costello
Business Analyst onsite at SEI Investments at LiquidHub
She's using generalities and being honest (and somewhat humorous). I found
myself nodding at her interpretations, even though I didn't agree with them
completely. As you say -- sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Like(1) 6 hours ago
Christopher Whitson
Dene Banger
Internet Professional | Project Engineer | Project Manager
Sorry, I don't agree with all these points. Meetings should never be a place of paranoia where
everybody is second guessing what is said and reading things into a simple comment or
response. That is nonsense. Sure there are always those that don't know how to be a good
team player but my experience is that they stick out like a sore thumb anyway. It is far better to
build trust into one another than it is to be reading things into simple comments.
Like (6) Reply 7 hours ago
Demet Sag, Ph.D, Mike Nash, Laura Lingle, +3
Dave Petterson
Portfolio and Programme Delivery Manager at Atos
Wow. I certainly don't agree with this. I use some of these sayings to get a meeting moving on
and I think the meetings are more productive because of it. Meetings are there to discuss and
agree options for an agreed agenda. Not chit chat time where everyone feels good at the end.
If these phrases are used with my name in the frame I don't think they are being said
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
8/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home- 8/16
negatively. I take them for what they mean and if someone tries to task me and it isn't my role
and I don't want to do it I simply reply that I'm sorry but I won't be doing that they will have to get
someone else.
I think these phrases when used are not meant to offend anyone but help make the meetings
productive by clarifying or moving things on.
Nowadays everyone can find something in the simplest phrases that offends them even when
that is nowhere near the intent.
I'd like to see what phrases we could use instead of these then, that would be interesting as I'm
offended by them already, as I am being re-educated not to offend myself. I'm losing so many
words at the moment under our PC culture.
Like(6) Reply(1) 54 minutes ago
Werner Du Preez, Richard Cabrera, Jan Maas, +3
1 Reply
Gill Bray
Business Hat Ltd - collaborative business development
Gretchen does explain that the tone in which they are said makes a difference.
People who take the opportunity to belittle others in public can destroy confidence
and trust. A meeting is not the occasion to correct or undermine others. One of my
pet hates.
Like 38 minutes ago
Nancy Verbekeportraits, definitely portraits! corporate, private, profiles, whatever way I can make you
look great and happy.
This article creates unease and doesn't deliver a solution. It would be interesting to learn how to
respond to these with strength and wit.
Kind regards,
Nancy
Like(4) Reply(1) 1 hour ago
Richard Cabrera, Stefan Burstrm, K.W. SHERIDAN..., +1
1 Reply
Rajeev J
Product Manager at InnoPark(India) Pvt.Ltd
I take the statement at face value and respond as such. There is no need for
another's negativity to cut me down. It may be misconstrued as being naive, but
I've found that keeping myself positive is a lot more productive than responding to
every bit of negativity that comes my way.
Like(1) 1 hour ago
Richard Cabrera
Omar Ghanem
Account Manager
I love the examples you gave, very nice article! (implying that I actually liked the article and
could relate to the examples)
Like(4) Reply 14 hours ago
Deepa Barve, CIR, Damian Ankudowicz,Alina Petrovici, +1
Chris Reich
You are working too hard, for too little and not having fun. Let's can change that.
There is a false assumption here. Who is to say that the offended party is always right? To me,
most of these comments depend more on tone of delivery than the actual words. You'll find
these supposed passive attacks in many business tomes as the correct way to handle
disagreements in meetings. Certainly each of these can be used to shut someone down. (Been
there) They can also be used to signal the group to pay attention. Each is relative to tone.
Like(1) Reply(2) 16 hours ago
Julie Swanke
2 Replies
Charlie Greenewald
Executive Search Consultant at Global Recruiters of Sugarloaf - Foodservice
Distribution
Pretty sure that exact thing was said at the end of the article.
Like 11 hours ago
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
9/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home- 9/16
Greg Lawrence
Director at Step One, Inc.
Exactly..."You did a great job" is now considered condescending? Um...OK.
Like(3) 15 hours ago
Susanne Madison,Ashley Greer, and Julie Swanke
Georgia Leybourne
International Marketing Director at Manhattan Associates
People who constantly check their mobiles or tap away on a device don't do themselves any
favours and are being terribly disrespectful of others in the meeting .... drives me nuts :-/
Like(4) Reply 10 hours ago
Matt Hill, Sue Ferguson, Murat KARAKAYA, +1
Garth Beyer
Freelancer - Founder at GarthBox
I cringed at each one of those examples. Truth. This is all pure truth. One needs to be
considerate, thoughtful and insightful for meetings to work. However, and this may be a big
however, the meeting leader should have many of these things ironed out before the meeting or
a list of standards shared with everyone. There's preventative measures that can take place.
Like (4) Reply 9 hours ago
Suzanne Tomlinson, Kelly Still, Ty Keller, +1
Michael Fabris
Vice Director of Finance at Foundation for Democratic Advancement
"These are the FACTS"
One of the biggest revelations in my career was when I realized how vacant a factual statement
can be. Simply put, facts aren't enough. What matters is that you have ENOUGH of the facts to
paint an fair, accurate picture. A few cherry-picked bits and pieces, here and there, will NOT do.
You can be completely factual, and still sound spectacularly ignorant and stupid at the same
time.
Like(1) Reply(3) 9 hours ago
Michael Lapointe
3 Replies
Michael Lapointe
ITSM Best Practices, IT Project Management Specialist & aspiring Positive
Leader
Yes ... the "important fact" in the hands of the slacker with an over-inflated ego.
They'll take one fact and talk way too long to make themselves seem important, to
embolden themselves in the eyes of others ... truly is a pompous site to see.
Like(1) 8 hours ago
Michael Fabris
Emmett Fletcher
Recent graduate, Chemical Engineering, BYU
I completely agree with you Michael, thank you.
Like(1) 9 hours ago
Michael Fabris
Show More
Christopher Whitson
Boss, Entrepreneur, Novelist
You're insane. This list makes no sense.
1. "I don't need all the details. Let's get to the bottom line" This same idea can be conveyed in a
way that makes perfect sense by saying, "We'll dive into the details later. Right now, let's keep
things as bottom line as possible."
2. "Well, these are the facts." If they simply ARE the facts, then the speaker is stating that. Inthis case it would be bizarre NOT to say it.
3. "You might / may be right." This conveys a sense of deference and open-mindedness. It only
undermines someones authority and credibility if that person has a lizard brain.
4. Im wondering about ____. Pat, please get back to us on this. If Pat DOES report to the
speaker, then where is the problem here???
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
10/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home 10/16
5. You did a great job on that, Pat! Anyone who assumes this statement is condescending
without hearing the tone or context has a SERIOUS mental disorder and should seek
professional help immediately.
6. "I think what Pat is trying to say is..." Simply by adding the phrase, "correct me if I'm wrong,
Pat," eliminates any impropriety and demonstrates respect.
7. "I can see why you might think that." If the speaker is simply being HONEST, honesty itself is
a HUGE sign of respect...
I think you need to go back to school...
Like (4) Reply 7 hours ago
Masha Katsman, Darryl West, Danut Clejanu Ionescu, +1
Greg Dickson
Sustainable Development using modern methods of construction.
I would hate to think that I need to analyze the conversation in a meeting (especially internal) to
this level. If I don't know my friends and rivals prior to the meeting what have I been doing?
Like(4) Reply(1) 3 hours ago
Becca Freed, Liwaa Tawfiq, Mohamed Hermas, +1
1 Reply
Satya Gummuluri
Funny how some of one's "friends" talk to one in a meeting situation, especiallywhen important bosses are present LOL... meetings can be valuable in gathering
knowledge too.
Like 1 hour ago
Filitsa Tileli
NDT engineer at Strata
Another one for the list: Acronyms. Especially the three letter ones and when there are more
than one in a sentence in the space of 5 minutes!
It is not the bloody army! Unless you ARE actually in the army in which case do it with your
mates. Have a competition with them if you want, who can cram the most in a sentence.
But it is so, so, so annoying when someone keeps using acronyms, especially when these are
particular to the department or section one works. I can understand a couple acronyms hereand there in a presentation. Those are commonly known to people taking part in a meeting and
they are useful for communication.
But more specialised ones, and more than one of them in the same sentence, actually make
the audience hate the speaker's guts! To the point of wanting to spill them out!! (ok, maybe it is
just me!)
If you can't explain it without the acronym, don't explain it at all. Let someone else do the
presentation. Don't serve the acronym as explanation.
If you can explain it without the acronym and still want to used the acronym, make sure you
explain it to the audience or your meeting participants and then introduce the acronym. And
even so, avoid using them when it is not absolutely necessary.
Leave that to the army guys! :-)
Like(2) Reply(2) 3 hours ago
Andries FourieandAndreia Moo
2 Replies
Christopher Ryan
Senior Technical Writer
I agree with this. Unless acronyms are automatically translated by the intended
audience then they are tedious to audiences that have to spend even a second to
consider them. Again, to non-telephony audiences, TDM, SIP, VoIP, CSS, SS7,
ISDN... all together might seem a bit much. They are not military, But to anyone at
AT&T's kids, they make sense (a.k.a. Cisco, EMC, Teradyne.
Like 3 hours ago
Alan Leghart
Network Administrator at AHMC HealthCare
So, what is your MOS as an "NDT Engineer at Strata"? Is that a new army unit? ;)
But seriously. IP address. WAN. LAN. AD. MPLS. DIA. ISP. LC/SC. Understoodwithout all the words, if you're in a meeting with I.T. (err...Information Technology)
folks.
In a business or finance meeting, you should know A/P, A/R,GL, EBITDA, CPA,
GAAP, CFO, COGS, LLC, S-corp, 501.3(c), PO, RFP, OpEx, CapEx,
If you deal in retail or wholesale: FOB, MSRP, B2B, B2C...
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
11/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home 11/16
It's about quick, clear communication. You don't need to say the entire tongue
twister. There are too few hours in the day to wait for everyone to spell out common
terms.
Like(2) 3 hours ago
Sebastian Schleussnerand Karim Michael Hambach
Bryan Flood
Senior Permanent Recruitment Consultant at NES Global Talent
Poor Pat.Like(4) Reply 27 minutes ago
Charlotte Day, Slavisa Skipina, Sana Sattani, +1
Jose Antonio Marquez Russo
Senior Software Engineer at Twitter
Who is Pat? Sounds like a guy on top of his game.
Like(3) Reply(1) 9 hours ago
Sue Ferguson,Amanda Paige C. Michaels, and Fiona Lewandowski
1 Reply
Tom Roslak, Ph.D.
Managing Partner at TRiPat like the SNL Pat, can't tell androgynous name on purpose I would think.
Like 9 hours ago
Tom Roslak, Ph.D.
Managing Partner at TRi
My favorite was a CEO that used to say, "With all due respect..." and then make his argument.
It sounds great as if being done with respect, but usually you got roasted by his argument.
Like (3) Reply 9 hours ago
David Vaughan, Tara Brooks, and Jennifer Page
Laura Lingle
More learning. Less waste. (tm) Jaqueline of Many Trades (tm)
Tactics? Good grief. Why don't we all spend a lot more time fighting against all of this wasted
time in meetings, and a lot more time seeking to understand, rather than time assuming ill intent
of everyone around you. Meetings are generally awful and most people would rather do
anything else. Think about that before you assume that someone who wants you to get to the
point is "being mean to me".
Like (3) Reply 6 hours ago
Mike Nash, Khrt Williams, CISSP, CRISC, ITIL V3, andAllen Connor
Mark Jones
Database Developer at CarsDirect.Com
If I'm honest, all the examples given wouldn't offend me at all if someone did it to me and
someone reacting to it might be way overly paranoid. For instance taking the first one "I don't
need all the details let's just get to the bottom line" - that phrase wouldn't make me think thespeaker thinks I'm being overly fussy. I'd see at as straight up where someone wants the
summary and that's OK.
There's more than enough personal interactions going on at work that if you let yourself think
the worst possible criticism about everything, you'll drive yourself crazy really fast and that will
adversely affect others enough where real negative comments start coming your way.
Confidence is a good thing.
Like (3) Reply 5 hours ago
Feng(Rebecca) Zhu. PMP, neri akemien, and Julio Suarez
Magdalena Gawel
Accounting Services Supervisor at AIT Worldwide Logistics
All valid points, but depending on the situation. A blanket statement can't be made that those
phrases fail or make you look bad. It could all depend on perception, and how you areexecuting the use of those phrases in context to tone, setting, audience, timing, etc.
Like (3) Reply 7 hours ago
Evgeny Lazarenko, Jason Finnerty, and Stephen Beatrice
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
12/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home 12/16
Rosa Conti
Corporate Project Manager Self-Help Writer Community Event Producer
Hmm. I'm not so sure I entirely agree with this list. Or rather, the way these statements are zeroing in on
what's "Wrong" vs. how these could be instead viewed in a "Right" manner. I've worked corporate and have
been in all kinds of meetings for many years (live, webinars, by phone, etc.) and these statements above are
just natural human speak that standing alone don 't cause insult. Now, given the "wrong" tone and inflection
and eye-roll, well, ANYTHING can be taken off-center ...
Like(3) Reply 10 hours ago
Richard DesLonde, Sue Ferguson, and Karolyn Schalk
Lance Harvie
Hi-Tech Recruitment
It seems it's better to keep one's mouth shut then navigate this minefield of infinite
misunderstandings.
Like (3) Reply 2 hours ago
Bhavin Doshi, Krishnatreya Brindavanam, andAndreia Moo
Peter Lisney 2
Executive Director at Lisney Search & Co-Founder at Orange Cloud Recruitment
"You might be right" does not necessarily need to be hostile. For me it kind of indicates that you
value the other persons views without jumping on-board 100%.
Like(2) Reply(1) 2 hours ago
Fowana Terryand Florence Clarke
1 Reply
nd
Saumya Sahay
Marketing Executive at The Brand Weavers
Technically, the meaning behind "You might be right" is "I know you are right, but i
don't want to second that, because agreeing immediately would imply that you are
more knowledgeable and credible than I am".
Like(1) 1 hour ago
Satya Gummuluri
Hassan Dar
Engineering Intern at Applied Materials
Sounds like a bad girlfriend reading way too much into words.
Like(2) Reply(1) 9 hours ago
James Strawnand Emmett Fletcher
1 Reply
Shawna Cross
Executive Assistant
... you might be right, but what I think you're trying to say is: Sounds like a bad
boyfirend who has forgotten to take his meds. :)
Like(1) 6 hours ago
Satya Gummuluri
Nicholas D. Lara
Assistant Director of Global Business at Kerry Logistics
I think what Gretchen is trying to say is...
Like(3) Reply 59 minutes ago
Slavisa Skipina,Apple Pena Rubio, and Henrik Steen Krogh
Nikola Gtermann
Director of Global Sustainable Development at Lootok, Ltd.
"I know where you are coming from, but...". As a german / french living in Nepal this is the
sentence driving me crazy when talking business - A defensive way of getting around
something without trying to understand it.
Like(3) Reply(1) 4 hours ago
Jamie-Scott Baldwin, Sebastian Schleussner, and SITI NURSAKINA YUSOFF
1 Reply
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
13/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home 13/16
Jamie-Scott Baldwin
Risk and Compliance Manager at APA Group
hate this with a passion, but guilty of using it myself [only as an alternative to saying
something else quite abrupt].
Like 38 minutes ago
Blaine Holloway
Marketer at Astera LED Technology GmbH
Make your points without worrying what some overly sensitive colleague will think. The main
thing is to offer good ideas, advice, knowledge and support, and to improve your company. Use
all of these phrases if it means improvement. Occupying your brain with useless semantics like
this article suggests is a bad idea.
Like(2) Reply(2) 5 hours ago
Joann ArelloandAlex Miller
2 Replies
Blaine Holloway
Marketer at Astera LED Technology GmbH
I'm not suggesting you rant and rave and swear at people. Just don't be overly
sensitive.
Like 4 hours ago
Daniel FreysingerElectrician at Aleut Facilities Support Services, LLC
An attitude of getting the job done without worrying about what people think will
limit ones career growth. People skills are priceless.
Like(1) 4 hours ago
Sebastian Schleussner
Jose Maria Gonzlvez Ruiz
Principal Consultant en Novadays - Investigacin y consultora
While being mostly in agreement with your article, I am not with you on the one that says - "You
did a great job on that, Pat! meaning Im happy to give you MY approval -
I think we should be a little bit less suspicious when someone give us a compliment like this.
For the general person, it is so difficult to give a positive feedback on someone, that most of thetimes when we hear it, it is usually true! Sometimes it is us that we can not really believe what
we are hearing that we do not give credit to it and think it is an "intelligent"' type of aggression
from to show as stupid.
For the one using this sentence, please try to emphasize and use strong words like impressive
job, a hell of a job.... and please do continue using it!
For the one receiving the feedback, please enjoy receiving it... even if there is a second
intention on it, just show everybody in the room you are confident on what you did was a great
job and you deserve the comment!
Like(3) Reply 23 minutes ago
Jonathan Furminger, Cosimo Gualano, and Slavisa Skipina
Moureen Kekirunga
Program Assistant at United Nations Development Program
Thanks for this. There is also a tendency of people watering down your presentation and using
it to front their own ideas. This way, your whole effort is ignored and some one else shines in
your place.
Like(2) Reply 18 hours ago
Veena G.and Jeremie Flechard
James Cauchi
Role - Website Administrator; Aspiration - System Builder (Games, Products &
Policies)
The tendency of talking past a person (especially while that person it talking) is also highly
annoying and disrespectful. It is a low-brow effort at asserting dominance and the appropriate
response is to not give in and ensure that one has clearly conveyed one's message before
giving the floor to the offender (this may require a temporary shift in content to directly request
the offender to wait his or her turn)
Of course this presumes that the offender is not in a position of authority over the self - and
even so - a degree of resistance may be called for - within reason and within the appropriate
context.
Like(2) Reply(1) 19 hours ago
Juliane Perezand Veena G.
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
14/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home 14/16
1 Reply
Gregor Lyttek
Specialized computer scientist in application development at Available for
Opportunities - Open any location
I found that espescially in the customer service centers those behaviors are the
norm and even seen as relevant. Push the poeple hard to their breaking point. It is
a very worrying behaviour far away from actual managing the company. However in
the service centers, the company is all about pleasing the company paying them to
do customer service. So, who cares about Jim or Marry as long the numbers are
good,right? :)
Like 18 hours ago
Janel P. Phillip
Secretary at The Human Resource Management Association of Trinidad and Tobago
How do you avoid these comments or responses? Every business person must learn how to
NOT take these rebuttals personally. Everyone wants to get ahead; that's the nature of
corporate life. I don't care for persons "shooting down" my ideas and I hate to do that to others
but if my point or idea is not adding value to a discussion or to resolve a matter, I would want
someone to tell me so and why. The person who is most emotionally intelligent will know how to
do this skillfully. Trust me all you can really do is master the art of a good comeback!!!!
Like(2) Reply 15 hours ago
David Hilland Conrado Cruz
Michael P. Liggins, CPA, CMA
Consultant
My favorite "I think what Pat is trying to say is "; I've actually piped up on these and said "ah
actually Pat said it quite well herself" which unfortunately does not ingratiate you to these
sociopaths. Worse yet, the bosses who enable them..............
Like(2) Reply 12 hours ago
Robin Gottlieband Carol Cobler
Elizabeth Parra
MPA Candidate at St. Mary's University Graduate School
Thanks for sharing this with us, Gretchen. And I really do mean that! Haha. Yes, it is important
to decipher between an innocent statement from a truly encouraging, helpful person and a
backhanded, double edged comment from a manipulator. Remember to observe body
language, facial expression, and listen for tone while the person is speaking. Do this, and youwill learn a lot more about their true intent aside from the words he or she spoke.
Like(2) Reply 12 hours ago
Christine McLeodand Martin McClean
Aleli Manalili
Sr. Project Mgr / Program Mgr at JPMorgan Chase
You believe once you encounter this in consistent repeatable pattern. I believe the behavior
thrive more in certain management culture.
Like(2) Reply 18 hours ago
Kent Baugherand Veena G.
Matt Herrick 2
Devops Engineer/Site Specialist at Lands End
I am annoyed by people who always refer to themselves as "myself". Saying "myself" instead of
"me" or "I" has the rare combination of being both grammatically incorrect and sounding
completely pompous.
Like(2) Reply 11 hours ago
Ahmed Bahgat, HRD, MBAand Hassan Raza
nd
Randall Shane, PhD
Data Scientist & Developer
Well done. These are mild examples of passive-aggressive behaviour. I have spent the better
part of 15 years in NYC and the last year in particular has been an eye opener. The fault falls
on management's inability or apathy for setting a code of conduct. Fortunately, there's always
better places to work!!
Like(2) Reply 11 hours ago
Dagny King Georgeand Debra Criveau
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8/10/2019 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn
15/16
9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home 15/16
Martin O'Hara
National Strategy Manager for Ultra Precision at EPSRC Centre for Innovative Manufacturing
If these things make you angry, you need to take a step back and look at yourself. These are for the most
part completely innocuous. I know of a few people who use a couple of these consistently, but mostly
because they are in a rut with their use.
Like(2) Reply 10 hours ago
Moemen Khattaband Richard DesLonde
Richard DesLonde
Owner, DesLonde Software Development
I agree Martin O'Hara. Are we in a meeting to walk on eggshells protecting everyone's fragile
ego or are we there to get work done?
Like(2) Reply 10 hours ago
Michael Fabrisand Moemen Khattab
Chris Hall
CEO at Expert Auto Parts LLC / President at RepairClinic.com
This sounds like trust has been lost in that relationship. If Mahatma Gandhi said any of things to
you in a meeting you might not react negatively at all. You might assume he meant well even if
he didn't express it well. Once you've lost trust a person can say anything and your bias filter
will turn it into something negative.
Like(2) Reply 11 hours ago
Rex Robertsand Danielle Nakatsuji
Dan Richardson
Associate Director at Mindshare
This article would be even better if it included alternative ways to respond. Quite honestly, I've
used these phrases all the time-- and I think being in client-facing situations can accidentally
lead to masked/passive-aggression. How do you break the cycle?
Like Reply (1) 9 hours ago
1 Reply
Tom Roslak, Ph.D.
Managing Partner at TRiDan !! When somebody says, "quite honestly", I always kid them and say, "ah, so
now you are going to be honest with me? Can you sometimes say, 'lying to your
face...." Just kidding linguistics is tricky for sure :-)
Like(2) 9 hours ago
Suzanne Tomlinsonand Emmett Fletcher
Marcin Ignaczak
Advisor at Association of Business Service Leaders in Poland (ABSL)
Thanks Gretchen, Truly hard to avoid these double meaning tricks. It's an every day meetings
reality. Looking forward to the next chapter with practical responses to those undermining
statements.
Like(2) Reply 17 hours ago
Eric Abramsonand Bart Zurburg
Matthew Chamberlain
Creative Director / Principal at iScore Marketing
I think what you're trying to say is that these are very annoying and cocky phrases. You might
be right about these points. I'm wondering what the impact on the receiver is when spoken to
condescendingly. Please get back to me on that point.
Like (2) Reply 8 hours ago
Claire Durrantand Evan Smith
Michael Lapointe
ITSM Best Practices, IT Project Management Specialist & aspiring Positive LeaderFake compliments from your office rivals in meetings. Your BS detector often goes haywire!
Like (2) Reply 8 hours ago
Lydia Moussaand Michael Fabris
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