Confidence – What is it and how do you get it? Part 1: What is confidence? Confidence means different things to different people, so to get you

thinking here’s the Oxford English dictionary’s definition:

"A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of

one's own abilities or qualities"

This is actually a very good definition of confidence, it means that

you have a strong belief in yourself about what you’re capable of

doing and to do it successfully. This changes depending on your

situation and perception of confidence at any one time – so

confidence is a state of mind.

Here's an example of what I mean by that. I worked with someone

who told me they "have no confidence", so I replied "OK, who tied

your shoelaces this morning?" He paused, then looked at me in a

slightly confused way and said "Well I did of course!" I replied "So,

how confident did you feel about tying your shoelaces?" The man

smiled, then laughed. I knew then, that he understood a little more

about confidence.

Confidence is more than just self belief in yourself, confidence is about

“competence” what I mean by this is doing what you’re good at. The

more competence you have the more self belief you have, after all you

know what you’re doing. When you’re having a conversation and

catching up with friends, you probably have no problem in having a

conversation, you know what to say and when to laugh – this is

competence, which results in confidence.

Competence makes up most of what people refer to as “confidence,” the

rest is made up of self belief. When you’re truly confident, you feel

comfortable in yourself and in any situation where you need confidence.

You don’t need to be confident every second of every day. You only

need to be confident in situations where you need to be confident and

these situations don’t happen all the time.

At this point I think it’s important to mention what confidence isn’t.

The people you see on the BBC show “the Apprentice” and anyone

who is overly loud and in your face ARE NOT confident – they’re just

arrogant and cocky. These people have to over compensate

because of their lack of confidence. They tend to put people down

in front of others to make themselves seem better. I’d also like to

point out that you don’t need to be good looking, rich or famous to

be confident, anyone can be confident.

Some of the most famous actors, comedians and singers are very

different in their personal life compared to their public life. Freddy

Mercury (you know, lead singer from Queen) was an out and out

showman on stage, he took over Live Aid and blew away all the other

acts (he was even immortalised in the closing ceremony of the London

2012 Olympics and he’s been dead a few years now). Yet in his private

life he was completely different - shy, introverted and spoke with a slight

stutter.

Perhaps, having read this you’ll think differently about what confidence is

and may even realise that you’re actually more confident than you think

you are. In part 2 I’ll share with you 3 tips to boost your confidence.

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If you have any issues regarding confidence that you’d like me to help

you with, then please contact me for a free initial phone consultation.

You can do so in complete confidence and I can work with you on a 1 to

1 basis or come along to one of my workshops

John Blair – Confidence & Stress Management Coach

To find out more about John Blair, see his profile here:

http://www.yesyoucanchange.co.uk/about-me/profile