The PioneerIssue 9

Nov 11, 2010

Page 8 BackpageThis page is full of jokes!

Mark: Hey guys!Nick & Josh: Hey Mark!Mark: Hey, have you guys seen Peter?Nick: I haven’t seen him all night, Mark!Josh: Man, I hope he shows up in time for the making out that’s going to happen later!Mark: Oh man, that’s gonna be awesome!Jessica: Hey guys!Nick, Josh & Mark: Hey Jes-sica!Jessica: Have you seen Peter? I want to make out with him tonight.Nick: He hasn’t shown up yet, Jessica!Jessica: That’s too bad, Nick! I’ve always had a crush on him, but I’ve been too shy to say anything until this party!Josh: Yeah, and it’ll be way too late to tell him after the party!Jessica: Exactly!Mark: If only Peter was here, he could make out with you.Jessica: I guess I’ll have to make out with that jock who tripped Peter in the hall on Wednesday instead.Josh: Too bad, but you know how it works at parties . . . first come first served!

Trevor: Hey guys!Nick, Josh, Mark & Jessica: Hey Trevor!Jessica: How’s the coolest kid in our class doing?Trevor: Pretty good! Me and the other cool kids were going to go drink alcohol!Nick: Hey, can we come?Trevor: Nope, sorry! But Pe-ter sure can! Hey, where is that kid?Mark: Oh, he’s not here, Trev-or!Trevor: What?! Aw, man. I guess he’s not as cool as I thought he was. Oh well. See you guys!Nick, Josh, Mark & Jessica: Bye, Trevor!Mark: Man, this party is going to be crazy.Jessica: Tell me about it! This party is going to be so crazy!Nick: It’s going to be just like that episode of “Entourage” Pe-ter saw!Josh: Just like it!Everyone: If only Peter had come.Jessica: Hey everyone, it’s time to make out now!Jock who tripped Peter on Wednesday: Saddle up, Jes-sica—it’s time to ride.

PARTY TRANSCRIPT

Dear Mentees,

I’m so honored to be here speaking for Career Day as a Whitman student. I guess that means I have succeeded in life. I have my high school degree; I am in college; I have these sweet UGG boots, and I am aspiring to be a biologist. The world is looking bright. As I look out on all your eager shining faces I remember what I thought of the world in second grade. It seemed so big and scary, but also exciting. Well I still see it the same way, but now I have more of an understanding of what success really is. Success is living the life that you want. That life may be a career in biology and a new pair of UGG boots, it may be motherhood, fatherhood or a public servant. Wherever life takes you, you have to hold your head high and say, “THIS IS WHO I AM, WORLD.” Because if you don’t make a statement, the world will pass you by. If you don’t make a statement, there is no way for others to see your success. I guess I can use myself as an example. I never really knew what success was until I woke up one morning, slipped on my new chestnut brown tall UGG boots and said, “I did it, I am living the dream, and it’s not over yet.” Because I am not even a biologist yet, and I don’t have the credentials or UGG boots to claim that title, but I know with time, perseverance and a pinch of hope, I can get there. That is the thing with success, you can always reach for it. While you may reach some point in your life where you think you are success-ful, like me right now, look at these boots, you can always be more successful. In conclusion, reach for the stars my children; you can attain some pretty amazing stuff. Just look at me and my education and UGG boots. Thank you.

Reach foR the StaRS,Land YouRSeLf Some uGGS

Most kids have to go to bed at 8 p.m. unless you’re Kevin because Kevin says his parents let him stay up ‘til 9 p.m. But now that my parents are both dead I can stay up super super late and no one can tell me to go to bed! Kevin’s going to be so jealous when I tell him tomorrow. I’m also going to be so much better at Pokémon Stadium 2 than everyone else because now dad isn’t going to come in and turn off the Nintendo even though I haven’t saved and say, “Time for bed, kiddo.” I can leave it on as

long as I want, and I never have to stop playing because I’m the boss now. I can even eat ice cream for breakfast since my parents are dead. Every-one at school is going to be so impressed tomorrow!

Now that my parents are dead I can stay up as late as I want!

RAD TRIPMAN’S PUZZLE CORNEROh what’s up BROS and also LADIEZ?! Rad Tripman here, and I’m about to hit you with the brand newest addition to the Rad Tripman media empire: RAD TRIPMAN’S PUZZLE CORNER! Yeah you heard right! When my dad said that I would never make anything out of myself in this world, and then my teachers all said the same thing, and so did people I worked for, and people I would randomly meet on the street, and people I would buy stuff from, I knew that someday I would prove all those people wrong by having my very own PUZZLE CORNER!!!!!!!

It is my promise to you that these puzzles will be appropriately AWESOME.‘Nuff said. Let’s GET TO PUZZLIN’.

Great, now my mom’s on Chatroulette

S I C K S I C KK S C S C S K CK I W S I C S IS C K O I C S SK K C S L C I SK C I S I F C IS I S I C K K CS S K C I S I KI S I C K K S C

See if you can find the TOTALLY SICK HIDDEN WORD out of all the other words!

Some people call this kind of puzzle a rebus. I like to call it a reAWESOME!!!

WLFO

FOLW

OLFW

LOWF

secret message: WOLVES ARE THE COOLEST!

UNSCRAMBLE THE WORDS FOR AN AWESOME MESSAGE!

PUZZLE ONE : WORDSEARCH

PUZZLE TWO :SCRAMBLE

PUZZLE THREE : REBUS

Kyle,How are you doing, sweetie? How is school going? Your dad and I have

been checking your Facebook every day just to make sure you’re doing all

right. I wanted to tell you about a new Internet thing that we learned

about the other day—it is called “Chatroulette”. There was a segment

about it on “The Today Show” and it is just wild!!! We have met so many

interesting people! And we want to know if you ever use it! Maybe we

can use it to chat with each other, because I know you aren’t too keen on

Skyping with us. I have a few questions for you about how it works, too.

For example, I thought that I had created a username this morning, but

now when I go on there are still a lot of strangers there, and some of them

are so rude. They are just bossy and vulgar. And very sexual. The Internet

can be a very sexual place, Kyle, so please remember to be careful! Any-

way, if you have some time this weekend to give us some “Chatroulette”

tips, we would really appreciate it, honey! We miss you so much!!! Make

sure to call home soon! We want to hear more about your Fly Fishing

class. Gosh, college sure isn’t what it used to be! I wish I could go back!

Sorry honey, I’m having one of my “Mom-ents” again! I love you sweetie,

be safe! We’ll see you in a week!!! XoxoxoxoxoLove,

Your Mom

RoLLe

Transcript of a party as imagined by the kid whose mom wouldn’t let him go:

A second Grader

PUZZLE FOUR : OPTICAL ILLUSIONHow many times do you cry when you read this?How many wolves are pictured?

sINGH AND KLAG