awake - the day i died

7/26/2019 Awake - The Day I Died

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Awake!

The Day I Died

The phone is ringing inside me! I must be dreaming. Isometimes can observe my own dreams while Im dreaming, andif theyre troublesome or frightening, I can even wake myself up.

After the third ring, the phone message plays, Hello, please leavea message after the beep, and remember what it says in Romans8:28, all things work together for your good if you love God."Thats my favorite verse of the #ible. Anyone who knows me,

knows that Im always $uoting that verse.

Then I hear my daughters voice, leaving a message! %he is sayingthat I am late picking up my granddaughter for school. I looked atthe clock somewhere inside me. %hes right, I amlate. Im notdreaming. Its true!

#ut I dont get out of bed to answer the message. I dont get out ofbed to call her back, to say Id overslept, would dress $uickly, and

get there as soon as I could. I dont get out of bed. Its because Icant get out of bed.

&y wife, ne't to me in bed, heard the message and shakes meroughly, saying, #ob, get up! That was &arge on the phone,youre late picking up (i))y* get up!" #ut I dont stir. %he shakesme again and repeats herself, but I dont stir, and she knowssomething is wrong! I usually awaken easily. %he could feel a

coolness coming from my side of the bed.%he scrambles out of bed $uickly* comes over to my side of

the bed, feels my heart, listens to my breathing* nothing. I wascool! %hes sure I am dead! %he gasps! A rushing feeling in herchest and stomach of an'iety and adrenaline* then she runs to thetelephone to call &arge.


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I have no feelings or opinions now. I dont need them, it seems. Iam only an, observer, a bystander. I can see, not with my eyes, orhear with my ears, but with an inner seeing and hearing. +owinteresting. I know what is happening around me. I know whats

happening inside and outside of people.

The bedroom is silent and still for a long while. Then my wifereturns, begins fi'ing the covers around me, smooths my hair,otherwise avoids touching me again. %he moves and acts $uietly,strangely, respectfully, as she does in church. %he makes her sideof the bed and tidies the bedroom. %he gathers her clothes fromthe closet and the dresser and then leaves. %hes dressing in thebathroom. All is very $uiet in the house.

I go absent now.

Im somewhere else. ot e'actly somewhere. ot sure if Imanywhere! I know Im me, but different somehow, but not sure-ust how Im different. I feel fine. one of my familiar aches andmorning discomforts. Dont need the bathroom. I am unaware ofmy body. It -ust lies here. #ut Im not confined to my body any

longer. &y consciousness is free of my body and my brain.Im still thinking and conscious. All is thinking, no, rather all isknowingwithout thinking. ot the knowing I was used to though.I know because I -ust know. Its hard to e'plain it to myself, and toanyone else, if anyone else is listening. Is anyone listening to this

/hat is this other thing I sense Im e'periencing something, or*perhaps I am the e'perience of something. Im full of something.

/hat is it I cant name it -ust now, but its completely satisfying.There is peace and tran$uility in me and in everything. And thereis -oy too. I never felt" so good. I cant really call these feelings*they seem more permanent and more profound than feelings. Itsas if Ive beomethese things! Ive become filled with -oy, peace,tran$uility, rest.


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I go bak!

They are standing at the other end of the bedroom now, (olamy wife, my daughter and +arold, her husband. They are still,

teary0eyed and sniffling $uietly as they look in my direction and atthe men. The paramedics are lifting my body from the bed onto astretcher. %ome firemen are helping them. #ig strong men,inflated by their uniforms and outfits and large soiled boots. I -ustvacuumed the carpets yesterday.

I observe how unusual it seems to be handled this way. Ihave no comments to make. I can contribute nothing to whattheyre saying or doing. Dont turn that way, youll hit the lamp."

o, Im perfectly content. Im completely at their mercy and theirhandling of my body. I let myself yield to their care of me* that is,my body! I feel so well, I could crack a -oke, so that they mightlighten up and smile a bit.

All these somber strangers in my bedroom is very strange!o one comes into the bedroom e'cept my wife and I, and anoccasional grandchild. This is like the last time* the time I had a

chest on fire with pain, a massive heart attack. 1esuscitated fourtimes! This time no pain, -ust a soft sinking sensation while Islept, and my heart, having beat for over one billion times, beatfor the last time. I know theyll say, what a nice way to go, hedidnt feel any pain!"

Twisting, turning through the rooms* down the outside stairsto the ambulance Im carried. Im praying all the way, but withoutwords, and not because Im fearful. Im not fearful at all. Im

actually very peaceful. I think Im praying because it seems likethe most natural thing to do now. Its a wordless praying thatcontinues no matter what else is going on. To call it praying seemsto triviali)e it. Its more like I have become prayer. &y being itselfis a continuous prayer now. #eing spiritually alive itself is praying*is worship* is thankfulness and praise. +ow interesting! I recall


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those scripture words of 2esus that said. when you are praying,do not engage in meaningless repetition,... your 3ather knowswhat you need before you ask +im." It would have been good tolive like that more, when I was in limited time.

In lifted time I dont need words to pray. I dont need wordsbecause Im already understood, already heard, I guess. Imknown already and everything happening to me. I know the 4nebecause Im full of that something else. That wonderful, powerful,completely fulfilling something. It must be the 4ne!

ow I recall! Ive had this e'perience before during times ofprayer or meditation, but for very brief moments only. Its the

+oly 4ne, Im sure! #ut this time, its permanent. +ow interestingthis is going to be.

o loud siren, as the ambulance moves without haste towardthe hospital. A somewhat bumpy 5 but painless 6of course!7 5ride, to the hospital morgue. Is that where Im going ever beenthere before. &aybe it would have been good to have visited thereas preparation for today. I dont feel anything or have any opinion

about going there. I assume Ill be meeting some new people. Arewe people, or -ust corpses Do we still call ourselves people

I go absent!

I -ust used the word today". /hat day is it &y death day oris it really my birthday Its &ay, that much I remember. I wasborn in &ay. &ay is a beautiful month. The sun is really warm forthe first time. 3lowers coming up everywhere! Theres floral

aromas in the air. And 8ods creatures come to life. I was actuallyborn on &others day. And I know the year. #ut all thatinformation is fading fast, like waking from and forgetting thedetails of a dream. /as limited life a dream


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That filled e'perience of the 4ne continues. I think the +oly4ne is nearby, if that is an accurate way to put it. The 4ne seemsto be everywhere! I didnt know that the 4ne was the only 4neand everything. #ut I should have reali)ed that if I thought about

it. othing else is, e'cept the 4ne. 9verything else e'ists in the4ne and only because of the 4ne. And the 4ne is more than 4ne!The 4ne is three in love! The Three loving 4ne! The Trinity istrue* such a controversial issue in limited life. I surely dontunderstand it. If I understand it better, Ill tell whoever islistening I feel" compelled to communicate everything Imlearning. :nowledge and truth is accumulating so fast. #ut can Itell anyone anything Is anyone listening to this

I assume you are listening to this. ;es, ;ou! I know thisbecause I can sense that what Im saying is going somewhere. Itsbeing received. I can sense something happening in you! I have noidea where you are or who you are. #ut I know my words aresomehow being received by you. In lifted time knowing andspeaking are the same. +earing and receiving are instantaneous. Idont speak like I did in limited time* now my thinking is instantlycommunicated.

I go bak!

The morgue! Its -ust like Ive seen in pictures or movies*sterile colorless, clean, very sanitary, smells of disinfectant. /ell,of course I mean an inner smelling. All my senses are interior.

There are four, or is it five, other visitors in the morguebesides myself. Its hard to be sure for some reason. They slide me

onto a portable e'amination table. I know instantly that all thepeople here are not having autopsies* were going directly tofuneral homes. o need to cut us open and remove our insideshere. othing forensic! I prefer it that way. I still have anattachment to my body in some way. It wasnt such a terrible bodyin limited life. It didnt give me a lot of trouble like some other


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peoples bodies. 4f course, I had to take ten pills every morningfor diabetes, heart disease, my thyroid, era, both around my age, ?@. I dont knowhow I immediately knew their names, but I do. 3urther to myright is a man whose name is


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Im known as saint #ob! +a! &e, saint #ob In my formerlimited life, I would have been embarrassed to be called saint #ob./itness #ob, or #eloved #ob suits me better. #ut not now! I haveno opinion about it. It has nothing to do with me anyway, but with

the 4ne /ho is surrounded by the pure of heart. Its all about the4ne (ove loving us, and we loving (ove.

These saints all around me! I see people wearing whiteclothing only. Im not sure its really clothing. o, its more likevapor trails like -ets make, but shaped like bodies. There is onlyone color here. /hite! >arious shades of white! %ome white isbrilliant and blinding. %ome rather dull! %ome saints lookfamiliar, most are not. I guess I have lots of time to find out.

I go bak again!

4liver is crying in his spirit. +e seems very distressed andunhappy. Ive already come to know that if youre unhappy whenyoure absent, it means you cant be present to know the fulfilling4ne. It means youve been given no hope beyond the limited life.It means faith has not become sight. 4liver wants to go back to his

limited life because apparently thats all he knows. +e didnt knowthe 4ne, when he was in limited life, and cant know the 4ne now.And since knowing the 4ne is the only thing real about the liftedlife, 4liver is devoid of all meaning now.

4liver was a wealthy man. +e was a fine carpenter whorefinished old furniture at first, one piece at a time. (ovely pieces!Decorated and colorful pieces, the kind you might display asconversation pieces. /ealthy people bought them up. Then the

demand for his furniture became so great that he took in otherpeople to help him. And soon he had franchisees in three cities.

#ut 4liver was a driven man. +e rarely took a vacation withhis wife, and paid little attention to his two children. 9arningmoney was his obsession. +e went to church to please his wife


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several times a year, but gave little thought to spiritual things. Ifforced to give an answer, he called himself an agnostic. +ecertainly didnt believe in the afterlife* we die and thats it, in theground you go," he would tell his children.

+ell is being unprepared for +eaven! Cnprepared for the4ne who is completely (ove! The absence of (ove!Ive come toknow that this is true for millions of people, even most religiouspeople, across all faiths, cults, and denominations. +ow self0deceived and deceived we are* we were! I was also deceived formuch of my limited life. Im not sure I finished the course in love.4h, I was very religious, but very deceived many times. %o manythings distracted me away from awakening to the 4ne thingnecessary. In the end we are all going to be -udged by how (ovehas filled our hearts and how love has filled our lives for others.9veryones life is essentially a story about love and the (ove 4ne.

Two men in dark suits have -ust entered the morgue. Imsure theyre funeral men. The embalmers! They go over to 4liverto wheel him out to the hearse transport. They dont know howsad he is. They cant see him weeping. +es filled with distress and

fear!

I go absent!

I can only observe whats happening. I would like to feel badfor 4liver, but I no longer have feelings like people in the limitedlife. I feel I should feel bad for him for some reason, as if heshould mean something to me. #ut feelings dont operate here inlifted life, because our spirits and souls are enthralled by that

fulfillment we e'perience. The 4ne is everything and everywhere.%o I cant feel bad for 4liver. I can love him though, like the 4neloves him, and I only know what the 4ne knows, and the 4neknows how often 4liver was lovingly called and invited to knowthe 4ne* the 9ternal 4ne* the (ove 4ne.


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ow heres whats so interesting. 4liver is being shown allthe times in his limited life when the +oly 4ne arranged forpeople and events to open his heart to the truth. The movingmessage he heard at the church service when his nephew was

killed in Ira$ and his body was flown home. That day he cried andhis heart was softened. #ut he $uickly buried those feelings andgot back to his compulsive work schedule.

Then there was the time his brother visited him when he wasterminally ill in the hospital. They spoke about times past, abouttheir parents and their childhood together in ew 2ersey. +ow4liver was a lonely child who had few friends. And the time he got

arrested for petty larceny. There was complete absence offloccinaucinihilipilification. +uh

The work of the %pirit of the 4ne is done through whisperedand gentle callings or invitations* invitations to know the 4ne.The %pirit invites everyone. #ut apparently 4liver ignored theinvitations, or was too busy in his limited life to hear the callings.This is what Ive come to know now. 4liver can no longer go backto his limited life, nor can he ascend to the lifted life in the=resence of the 9ternal 4ne.

I"m bak!

2oseph, the young man, is agitated or e'cited* Im not surewhich. +es addressing me. #ut I know >era and


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+e says that in his limited life, there were so many $uestionshe had, and he had such a fear of death. ow that he has crossedover 6incidentally, 2ews pass over,


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I asked beloved 2oseph if he too was having the e'perience ofcomplete fulfillment that I was e'periencing. +e said he knew it inhis own way. It sounded very different when he described it. Iwonder if we all e'perience the +oly 4nes presence in different

ways and degrees.

o sooner than I wondered about this, than I came to knowthat when we cross over and are absent to the present, we know tothe degree that we were known by and knew the 4ne in thelimited life. %ome less than others, depending on the earnestnessand perseverance of our seeking. +ow long we lived the limitedlife was not necessarily an advantage or disadvantage. A saint like2oseph was a more diligent seeker in his short life than I was inmost of my lengthier life.

3or many years I missed pursuing the one thing necessary.And many of us get distracted by religion and church. ;es, I saidchurch". Augustine said, &any people belong to the church whodont belong to 8od* and many belong to 8od who dont belong tothe church." And remember, spiritual time is very different fromchronological time. /ith the (ord a day is like a thousand years,

and a thousand years are like a day."

%piritual life has to do with the way a person is beingtransformed into 8ods perfect image. Its not about church going.Its about the way 8ods %pirit changes us, with our consent andopenness to his work in us. It has to do with change in character*the shifting of our lives from our selfish center to our center in8od. Im reali)ing here in lifted time, that the degree to which 8odbecame central in limited time in my life, is the degree to which I

can en-oy +is =resence now. Im not sure what that means for mepersonally. They tell me that the 2udgment will reveal everything.

#eloved 2oseph is telling me about his death and his faith.+e spoke without emotion, like an ob-ective reporter. +e says thathe had his drivers license only ten months when a drunken


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driver, driving at a fast speed, ran a red light and demolished hiscar. The car tumbled over several times. 2oseph bounced aroundthe inside of his car, sustaining many broken bones and braintrauma, though he was wearing his seat belt. ow I notice the

deep concave area of his head, the displaced shoulder, and hislimp and misshapen arms and legs.

+ow traumatic the accident must have been. +ow awful forhis parents. +e was in a coma for twelve days before he crossedover. Im glad I can only e'perience love, otherwise I might startcrying as I listen to his story about his devastated girlfriend* aboutthe high school vigil service that was held at the crash site.

2oseph also said that two years before he crossed over, hehappened to come upon a brochure called%teps to &hrist, by anAdventist author named 9llen /hite. +e said that now he knowsthat the +oly 4ne placed it in his path, for it helped answer a lotof $uestions about 8od, and stirred his faith in


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worry, anger, lust, greed, many fears, $uarrels, shame, envy,-udgmental, guilt, regret, many forms of hurt, bitterness* the list isa long one. I look back and wonder if I loved at all. It is onlybecause of the +oly 4nes great kindness and mercy that I have

come to lifted life. I praise and thank ;ou +oly 4ne, and ;our%on, 2esus era says, /hat a nice young man 2oseph is." ;eah,"


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wish I could hear them say Im forgiven. And, even worse, thatverse e'posed the truth that I had cheated on my wife once. oone knew about that e'cept 8od and the chaplain. I asked 8odsforgiveness and received it."


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that I will en-oy the fullness of the lifted life, but not yet. %aint=aul spoke of the Holy %pirit of God, with whom you were sealedfor the day of redemption.

Theres a few other things I am learning about lifted life. Imtold about some events that I will be e'periencing in the future. Isay Im told"* what I mean is that the knowledge has somehowcome to me.

Im told that I will see people from my past and will havee'tended conversations with them 5 teachers, friends, co0workers, childhood playmates, high school and college friends,best friends, and especially family. All those who have crossed

over before me or after me. 9ven those people I left behind withwhom I had reconciliation work to do. I wonder what forgivenessis going to be like with these people

If I had been told this in limited life, I know that I wouldhave had all kinds of reservations and apprehensions. #ut beingabsent in the present I am free of any opinions or feelings about it.1emember love is the only reality here. There are no

recriminations, accusations, blaming, shaming, unpleasantmemories 6thank ;ou (ord7, or need to e'plain or apologi)e. Thisis what +eaven 5 the fullest stage of lifted life 0 is like.

Im told that we will have long deep talks with people we onlymet casually on earth, and will have the -oy of discovering thatevery person is a loved child of 8od.

Im told that we will not be able to talk to or influence anyone

on earth directly, but we can ask 2esus to send +is %pirit or angelsto those on earth and intercede for them in such a way that theymay be helped or converted.

Im told that we will appreciate like never before, the life anddeath of 2esus


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celebrate his birth, life, death, resurrection and ascension, and thegift of +is %pirit. And that we will see every word that 2esus spokeon earth as engraved in gold.

Im learning that we will meet and speak with all the saints ofthe #ible Able, 9noch, Abraham, Isaac, 2acob, 2oseph. /e willmeet the prophets. /e will see &oses, David, %olomon, %aul,%amuel, Isaiah, 2eremiah, 9)ekiel, and all the other men andwomen of the 4ld Testament. /e will listen to the beloved saintsof the ew Testament also* &ary and all the women who werewith the (ord. The apostles and disciples will be there. =eter,2ohn, 2ames, &atthew, (uke, &ark, %tephen, =aul! /e will askthem about what they wrote and speak with them about all thosethings we did not understand in our reading.

I think I -ust saw &artin (uther. There are many saintsgathered and listening to him. Theres


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understand how 8od has cared for them both on earth and indeath. /e will appreciate as never before the beauty of the earththat was ours to en-oy* the mountains, canyons, meadows, lakesand rivers, valleys, oceans, deserts, fields, the stars and planets of

the universe.

;ou may wonder about our bodies. 4ur bodies become dust,but spiritual bodies replace them, which will reflect the age wewere when we crossed over, but all the illnesses, maladies,discomforts, and medical conditions will be gone.

I go bak!

>era must have been a very mature


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with children in lifted life through her intercessory prayer forthem.

2ust then two funeral men and a woman came into the room.

They came for >era. Im glad we got to hear her story. /e say,8oodbye, or rather, 8oodbye for now." /e know well be seeingher again. It reminds me of when I was born again" in my limitedlife. 4ne result of the new birth was that I wanted to share myfaith with others and wanted to be with others who shared myfaith. I know I wanted to spend more time with >era, and Im surethat


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This was confirmed one day when I read 1omans JHF0H?The +oly %pirit prays to the 3ather for us with sounds thatcannot be put into words. The 3ather knows the hearts of men. +eknows what the +oly %pirit is thinking. The +oly %pirit prays for

6in7 those who belong to


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hungering and desiring after more knowledge and intimatecloseness with 8od. And on the divine side, the Triune 8od,desires to reveal and give +is (ove %elf* that is, to imprint andform +is %ons image in the spirit heart of the


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go over and try to have some conversation with him. %ee if I canget himKher to talk!

#ut before I have a chance to say anything, the silent one is

coming over to me. The morgue is suddenly filled with bla)inglight. A many stereo sound of magnificent music invades theatmosphere. The walls, floor and ceiling are swept away. Imstanding or floating, suspended in midair. The %ilent 4ne, It,keeps approaching!

/ait....no.....stop," I shout. #ut the faceless one insistentlysilently approaches me, bringing an even greater radiance of lightthat is so penetrating and pure* its like a fire...refining, sterili)ing,

purging, purifying. %uch a fire that I am painlessly being burnedaway of all the dross in me which I never knew e'isted. The words,a refiners fire" comes to mind. ;es! Those words I know from&alachai!

/ho can endure the day of +is coming And who can standwhen +e appears +e is like a refiners fire and like fullers soap.+e will sit as a smelter and purifier of silver, and +e will purify

the sons of (evi and refine them like gold and silver, so that theymay present to the (ord offerings in righteousness."

I think of =auls words 3or no one can lay any foundationother than the one already laid, which is 2esus


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/hen

awake - the day i died

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