TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT CONSENTCONVERSATION TIPS FOR PARENTS

ASK. LISTEN.RESPECT.

ASK. LISTEN.RESPECT.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT CONSENT…

CONSENT IS...

aclearandenthusiastic“yes”. anactive,voluntary,andverbal agreement.

aprocess,whichmustbeasked foreverystepoftheway.

WHY TALK TO MY KIDS ABOUT IT?Communication,respect,andhonestyarethebuildingblocksofhealthyrelationships,andconsentisaboutallofthosethings.

Teaching kids about the skills of consent can help reduce sexual coercion, harassment, and even assault.

Whenweteachkidsaboutconsent,wehelpthemlearnhowtoexpresswhattheywantanddon’twant.Wegivethemtoolstoexpresstheirlimits.Weteachthemthattheydeservetobetreatedinarespectfulway.

Teachingconsentalsomeansteachingkidsthatit’sjustasimportanttorespectothers’limitsandwishes.Weteachthemthattheirfriendshavearighttosay“no”and“yes”andhavethatberespected.

HOW EARLY CAN WE START TALKING?Asearlyasage1,wecanbeginteachingkidsthat“no”and“stop”areimportantwordsandshouldbehonoredbychildrenandadults.Wecanteachevenveryyoungchildrenthattheyhavearighttohavetheir“no”and“yes”respectedtoo.

Askyourchildiftheywouldliketoplayaticklegame;listenfor“yes”.Ifyourchildsays“stop”,stopandwaitforthemtoinviteyoutoplayagain.

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE.Talkingaboutconsentcanstartatanytime…andit’snevertoolatetobegintheconversation.Youcanbeginbyaskingkidsfortheirconsentinavarietyofways.

Themoreyoutalkaboutconsent,themorenormalitwillbecome,sotalkingopenlyandrespectfullywithfriendsandpartnerswillbecomesecondnature.

Ifyourchilddoesnotwanttohugorkissarelative,offerthemanalternativeratherthanforcingthem:“WouldyouliketogiveGrammyahigh-fiveinstead?”

1 2Two ways parents can show young children we respect their limits:

I ’d l ike to post this great picture of you on my social media. Can I get your consent to do that? ” HERE’S AN EXAMPLE...

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SPARKING A CONVERSAT ION

REMEMBER…Youdon’tneedtosetasideahugechunkoftimetohavethesekindsofconversations.Youcanhaveconversationsanytimeyou’retogetherwithoutlotsofdistractions:inthecar,atmealtime,etc.

Teachingaboutconsentworksbestwhenit’stalkedaboutregularlyinlotsofdifferentways.

The ASK. LISTEN. RESPECT. videowascreatedforkidsages11-16toshowconcreteexamplesof: howtoaskforconsent whatenthusiastic,verbalconsentlookslike howtorespondto“no”respectfully

Youcanusethevideotosparkconversationswithyourchild/teenaboutrespectfulrelationships,theimportanceofconsent,andhowteenscanaskforandgiveconsentintheirfriendshipsanddatingrelationships.Thevideoisapproximately1minutelong.

CONVERSATION STARTERS AFTER WATCHING THE VIDEO: •“Thisvideoisaboutconsent.Whatdoes‘consent’meantoyou?”

•“Canyouspot2or3examplesinthevideoforhoweachteenaskedforconsent?” Here are the examples of asking for consent in the video: oGirl:“CanIcomeover?” Boy’sresponse:“Sure” oBoy:“Wanttoshootsomehoops?” Girl’sresponse:“Umno,notreally.” oGirl:“Doyouwanttoplay[thisvideogame]?” Boy’sresponse:“Yeah” oGirl:“Hey,doyouwanttogoseeamovie?” Boy’sresponse:“Nah…” oBoy:“Youwanttokiss?” Girl’sresponse:(smiles)“Yeah!” •“Insomecases,oneoftheteensdidnotgiveconsent.Howdideachteenrespondwhen theothersaid,‘no’?”

•“Doyouthinkthiscouldhappeninreallife?Whyorwhynot?”

CONVERSATION STARTERS ABOUT CONSENT IN DATING RELATIONSHIPS: Thisisagreattimetoexplaintheimportanceofaskingpermission(consent)totouchorkisssomeone. •“Howdoyouknowwhensomeonegivestheirconsent?” •“Howcansomeonetelliftheotherperson isreadytotouchorkiss?”Explainthatonly“yes”means“yes”.Justbecausesomeonedoesn’tsay“no”,itdoesnotmeanthatpersonisgivingconsent.Ask.Listen.Respect.

•“Ifaperson’sdate(oranyoneelse)touches orkissesthemwithouttheirconsent, whatisthatcalled?”

Explainthatforcedsexualcontact(whichmayincludetouchingorkissing)iscalledcoercionandmaybeassault.

IF YOUR CHILD/TEEN HAS BEEN COERCED OR ASSAULTED…Itispossiblethatyourchild/teenmighttalkwithyouaboutasituationwheretheyhavenotbeenrespected,andmayevenhavebeencoercedorassaulted.Ifthathappens,themosthelpfulfirstresponseistolistenandoffersupport.

YOU AND YOUR CHILD/TEEN CAN GET HELP, SUPPORT, AND INFORMATION FROM THESE GREAT RESOURCES: Virginia Family Violence & Sexual Assault Hotline Call:1.800.838.8238(24hoursaday) Text:1.804.793.9999(Monday-Friday8am-8pm) Chat:www.vadata.org/chat (Monday-Friday8am-8pm)

LGBTQ Partner Abuse and Sexual Assault Helpline Call:1.866.356.6998(Monday-Friday,8am-8pm) Text:1.804.793.9999(Monday-Friday8am-8pm) Chat:www.vadata.org/chat(Monday-Friday8am-8pm)

LoveisRespectTeenDatingViolenceHotline Call:1.866.331.9474 Text:loveisto22522 Chat:www.loveisrespect.org

HELP IS RIGHT HERE

ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF A

SUPPORTIVE RESPONSE4

I believe you.

It’s not your fault.

I’m here to support you.

Let’s get some help.”

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www.vsdvall iance.org804.377.0335

info@vsdvall iance.org@VActionAll iance

Virginia’s leading voice on sexual and domestic violence for over 30 years.

L G B T Qpa r tne r abus e& sexual assault H E L P L I N E1.866.356.6998

Monday-Friday 8am-8pm

family violence & sexual assault

VIRGINIA HOTLINE

1.800.838.8238 V/TTY A project of Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance

FundedbytheVirginiaDepartmentofHealthandthePreventiveHealth&HealthServicesBlockGrant#1301DP009055.Theopinions,findings,conclusions,andrecommendationsexpressedinthisvideoarethoseoftheauthorsanddonotnecessarilyreflecttheviewsoftheVirginiaDepartmentofHealth.