As Part of OOPSLA Visit

MUNAWAR HAFIZ presents

Patterns of First OOPSLA AdventurePatterns of First OOPSLA Adventure

There are a number of clueless first-timers in OOPSLA. They havethe desire to go but does not have the experience of conference etiquette.

Group three of them together. They will, hopefully, teach each other and not look stupid in a bunch. Assign an elderly person to be their leader to sanitize their crazy ideas.

‘The Three Amigos’ Pattern

You are driving with two of these clueless guys in Seattle. You want to take I-5 N and go to Vancouver but they are routing you to I-5 S and Portland.

Take an exit. Call some knowledgeable elderly people to get direction. Tell these fools to shut up.

‘I-5 N versus I-5 S’ Anti-pattern

Anyway

OOPSLA startsOOPSLA starts

You go to a tutorial expecting you will learn a lot of cutting edge technology. Or you go to Design fest thinking that your group will produce the best design of the world.

Expect that the tutorials are often very general. A lot of times it is full of business people trying to understand a concept. So often the material is very general.Never expect a consensus in design fest. Be very vocal to stamp your opinion. And it is very difficult to come up with good design.

‘The Bull and the Calf’ Anti-Pattern [Dig04]

You want to meet a member of the GoF.

Go to the school that they teach. (for academician GoF) At OOPSLA, stalk them silently looking for and opportunity. Jump into a moment of frivolity on their part. (for GoFs in industry)

‘GoF Stalking’ Pattern

You really have to get hold of an Eclipse book.

Do anything possible to get the book. Lower yourself to frivolous activities to get what you are looking for.

‘Getting Low’ Pattern

You have a constraint of not eating up to 6. OOPSLA serves food at 5-30 and the food often finishes by 6.

Fight for your right of food. Get as much food as possible in a platter and save it closely. Avoid the look of many, who are thinking, “My, this is one greedy geek taking that much food in one go.”

‘Saving Food’ Pattern

DO NOT HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE YOU KNOW. MEET AS MANY NEW PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.

Johnson’s Principle of OOPSLA

You have a difficult name to pronounce. Yet you have to follow Johnson’s principle and introduce yourself to many people.

Expect name distortion. The names can be Moonwar, Moon, Manawar and even it would go to Man-of-war. Expect some resolutions to be taken to permanently distort your name.

‘Name Distortion’ Pattern

You have spent last night late communicating with people. In the morning, you are at some tutorial which is not the best in the world.

Cautiously sleep during tutorial. Do not snore. It is better if you can wake up at some point and ask a question.

‘Sleeping during tutorial’ Pattern

Gregor Hohpe on enterprise integration patterns of messaging.

The best tutorial I have attended

The Keynote speech turns out to be an advertisement campaign.

Keep a burp bag handy for the spectators. Leave them at the seats before the talk starts. People will not figure out the reason initially. But soon they will find the utility.

‘Burp Bag’ Pattern [Foote04]

At OOPSLA, you need some keynote speaker that really outshines the rest.

Get Alan Kay.

‘Alan Kay’ Pattern

You have got hold of one famous people. You know that if you cannot keep him interested you will loose him.

Try to say something that will make him interested. Talk about patterns and security etc. If he is still not interested, use the last card – tell him that you are a student of Ralph Johnson.

‘Encapsulated Big Fat Opening’ Pattern [Solveig04]

You run out of the smart lines to interest the famous people into a conversation.

Re-factor your joke and reuse it. Make sure you are not using the same joke in front of the same person. Carefully practice the reused version before using it.

‘Reused Joke’ Pattern

You sneak a couple of drinks at the formal dinner. You are drunk.

Go patriotic. Sing patriotic songs

‘Patriots under Alcohol’ Pattern

You have to meet some important guy who is presiding over a panel. [In this case, Martin Fowler]

Ask a question to get his attention. Once you have got that, use the ‘Reused Joke’ and ‘Encapsulated big fat opening line’ pattern.

‘Asking a question’ Pattern

You go to china-town for sight-seeing. You see that there are a lot of cute stuffs, that are pretty cheap.

Buy a lot of Chinese stuff. If possible, have a Chinese makeover.

‘Cheap Chinese Makeover’ Pattern

You have got hold of a nice samurai sword. You are a Muslim and you also have an American around.

Make some serious damage.

‘The Muslim is the Terrorist’ Pattern

‘The Greek’ Pattern

You have to develop the understanding of each other and learn to co-exist.

‘Peaceful Co-existence’ Pattern

You are a bunch of pretty opinionated people going on tour for the first time.

“There are only two places in North America where people talk about loose coupling – one is OOPSLA, the other is Las Vegas.” - Brian Foote

OOPSLA Comment Award

OOPSLA Dress Up Award

Become good ‘Malakes’ (plural of ‘Malaka’) at OOPSLA.

‘Malaka’ Pattern

‘Malaka’ in Greek means emotionally challenged. However, the Greeks use it for addressing friends.

List of people I met (who will probably not remember me)

Martin FowlerJohn VlissidesErich GammaGregor HohpeBobby WoolfeJosh KerievskyEric EvansDon RobertsGerard MezarosLinda Rising

the list goes on ……………

Ci Vediamo Dopo

In Italian it means ‘ We shall meet again’. I think there are some people who will remember me next year – so I can say that ‘We shall meet again’.