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april 2016 building trust and attachment

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April 2016 Building Trust and Attachment When a child is suddenly taken from his home, and from his family, and placed in a home against his will, there are bound to be issues of trust. One way to combat this is to create a trusting and nurturing environment within your own home. Let your foster child know as early as possible that he is welcome in your house. Along with this, you will want to let your foster child know that your house is a safe one, and that he will not come to harm in your home. Not only do you want to let your foster child know this when he joins your family, it is just as important to remind him of this as often as possible. You want to show your foster child that he is important to you. For some children, this might be a new experience, as they have never been shown value before. Trust can also be built by showing your foster child that you care for him. Building a trusting relationship means showing your foster child that you are concerned for his well-being, physically, emotionally, mentally, and academically. Showing compassion for your foster child is an important part of building a healthy relationship, as he needs to know and feel that you care for him. After all, close relationships between children and adults is a central part of avoiding further risky behavior. Trust, though, does take time, and for some foster children, it may take a very long period of time. Remember, you are planting seeds, here, that you may never see come to fruition. As your foster child will need time to adjust to his new home and environment, he will require time and patience from you. Along with this, he will also need your compassion, and your understanding during what is sure to be a very emotional and traumatic time for him. Remember, he is in a strange home, with strangers; your home and your family, not his own. To him, everything is strange and new; a new home, new food, new “parents,” new “brothers and sisters,” and new rules and expectations for him to follow. Likely to compound his confusion even further, a new school, along with new students and teachers, if he has moved from another school system. As you can imagine, it is likely that he may act out in a variety of ways as he struggles to understand the severe and sudden changes in his life. Your foster child may exhibit sudden outbursts of anger and aggressive behavior, extreme bouts of sadness and depression or even imaginative stories about his birth family. Indeed, it is not unlikely that he will exhibit all of these. Furthermore, he may even express no emotions, at all, and seem completely shut off to you, in an emotional manner. As foster parents, it is important that you do not take his behavior personally. After all, he is attempting to understand his feelings, and cope the best way he can, and perhaps the only way he knows.

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Page 1: April 2016 Building Trust and Attachment

April2016

BuildingTrustandAttachment

Whenachildissuddenlytakenfromhishome,andfromhisfamily,andplacedinahomeagainsthiswill,thereareboundtobeissuesoftrust.Onewaytocombatthisistocreateatrustingandnurturingenvironmentwithinyourownhome.Letyourfosterchildknowasearlyaspossiblethatheiswelcomeinyourhouse.Alongwiththis,youwillwanttoletyourfosterchildknowthatyourhouseisasafeone,andthathewillnotcometoharminyourhome.Notonlydoyouwanttoletyourfosterchildknowthiswhenhejoinsyourfamily,itisjustasimportanttoremindhimofthisasoftenaspossible.Youwanttoshowyourfosterchildthatheisimportanttoyou.Forsomechildren,thismightbeanewexperience,astheyhaveneverbeenshownvaluebefore.

Trustcanalsobebuiltbyshowingyourfosterchildthatyoucareforhim.Buildingatrustingrelationshipmeansshowingyourfosterchildthatyouareconcernedforhiswell-being,physically,emotionally,mentally,andacademically.Showingcompassionforyourfosterchildisanimportantpartofbuildingahealthyrelationship,asheneedstoknowandfeelthatyoucareforhim.Afterall,closerelationshipsbetweenchildrenandadultsisacentralpartofavoidingfurtherriskybehavior.Trust,though,doestaketime,andforsomefosterchildren,itmaytakeaverylongperiodoftime.Remember,youareplantingseeds,here,thatyoumayneverseecometofruition.

Asyourfosterchildwillneedtimetoadjusttohisnewhomeandenvironment,hewillrequiretimeandpatiencefromyou.Alongwiththis,hewillalsoneedyourcompassion,andyourunderstandingduringwhatissuretobeaveryemotionalandtraumatictimeforhim.Remember,heisinastrangehome,withstrangers;yourhomeandyourfamily,nothisown.Tohim,everythingisstrangeandnew;anewhome,newfood,new“parents,”new“brothersandsisters,”andnewrulesandexpectationsforhimtofollow.Likelytocompoundhisconfusionevenfurther,anewschool,alongwithnewstudentsandteachers,ifhehasmovedfromanotherschoolsystem.Asyoucanimagine,itislikelythathemayactoutinavarietyofwaysashestrugglestounderstandthesevereandsuddenchangesinhislife.Yourfosterchildmayexhibitsuddenoutburstsofangerandaggressivebehavior,extremeboutsofsadnessanddepressionorevenimaginativestoriesabouthisbirthfamily.Indeed,itisnotunlikelythathewillexhibitallofthese.Furthermore,hemayevenexpressnoemotions,atall,andseemcompletelyshutofftoyou,inanemotionalmanner.Asfosterparents,itisimportantthatyoudonottakehisbehaviorpersonally.Afterall,heisattemptingtounderstandhisfeelings,andcopethebestwayhecan,andperhapstheonlywayheknows.

Page 2: April 2016 Building Trust and Attachment

Keepthisinmind,though.Youhavemadeadifference.Youhavemadeatremendousdifferenceinthelifeofachildinneed.Thoughyoumaynotbeabletorecognizeit,youhavechangedthelifeofachild,andhavedonesoforthebetter.Yearslater,afterafosterchildhasleftyourhome,hemaynotrememberyourface.Hemaynotrememberyourname.Yet,thatchildwillrememberonething;thathewasimportant,andthathewasloved.Thankyouforlovingchildreninfostercare.Thankyouforchangingtheworld,onechildatatime.(ExcerptstakenfromDr.JohnDeGarmo)

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