“ihurt lewbert” · 2019. 4. 29. · int. icarly studio / lobby / loft - a few days later (d2)...
TRANSCRIPT
•!Episode #207 •
“iHurt Lewbert”
Written by
Ethan Banville
Directed by
Russ Reinsel
Executive Producer
Dan Schneider
WRITER’S DRAFT
June 17, 2008
Schneider’s Bakery, Inc.
Copyright 2008 MTV Networks, all rights reserved. This document is protected by United States and worldwide copyright laws and treaty provisions. Any unauthorized copying, redistribution, reproduction or modification of the document by any person may be a violation of trademark and/or copyright laws and could subject such person to legal action.
ACT ONE
SCENE A
FADE IN:
INT. LOFT - DAY (D1)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Spencer)
CARLY, SAM, FREDDIE, AND SPENCER COME IN THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR, EACH CARRYING A DOGGY BAG. FREDDIE HEADS TO THE COMPUTER ON THE COUNTER.
CARLY
Brunch is my favorite meal. I love
Sundays.
SPENCER
Absolutely. You get to sleep late,
eat 'til it hurts, then come home,
unbutton your pants, and take a
nap. Speaking of which, I'm gonna
go take a nap.
SPENCER UNBUTTONS HIS PANTS AND EXITS TO HIS ROOM.
SAM
You know why I love brunch? It's the
only meal where you can get a shrimp
cocktail and waffles and not be a
maniac.
FREDDIE
Don't worry, you're still a maniac.
CARLY
He's right, y'know.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 1.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/A)
SAM
Why am I a maniac?
CARLY
You used the waffles like bread and
made a shrimp cocktail sandwich.
SAM
So? How are you supposed to eat it?
FREDDIE
(RE: COMPUTER) Wow. We're gettin' a
lot of email requests for more Messin'
With Lewberts.
CARLY
Lewbert. Terrible doorman, great
source of comedy.
FREDDIE
And the fans want more.
CARLY
Well, let's give it to 'em. I love
Messin' With Lewbert. What should we
do to him?
FREDDIE CROSSES OVER TO THE GIRLS, RUBBING HIS HANDS TOGETHER LIKE AN EVIL GENIUS.
FREDDIE
What if... we set all his clocks back
ten minutes?
THEY JUST STARE AT HIM.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 2.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/A)
FREDDIE (CONT’D)
Think about it. He'll be ten minutes
late to everything.
CARLY
It's got to be worse than that.
THEY ALL THINK FOR A BEAT.
FREDDIE
Set them back fifteen minutes?
SAM
Why don't we think about it over
lunch?
SAM OPENS UP HER DOGGY BAG.
CARLY
Sam, we just had brunch. The whole
point of brunch is that it's breakfast
and lunch combined.
FREDDIE
Yeah, you can't have brunch and then
lunch.
SAM
Okay, then this'll be my linner.
SAM TAKES A WAFFLE OUT OF HER DOGGY BAG AND TAKES A BITE. CARLY NOTICES THE TIME ON HER PEAR PHONE.
CARLY
Oh jeez, it's three o'clock.
Shouldn't we be leaving if we want to
see that movie?
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 3.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/A)
SAM
Relax, it's only two-fifty. We've
still got another ten minutes.
CARLY
My phone says three.
CARLY NOTICES FREDDIE. HE'S OVERDOING ACTING INNOCENT -- BEGINNING TO WHISTLE AND LOOKING AROUND. CARLY SHAKES HER HEAD.
CARLY (CONT’D)
(DRY, TO FREDDIE) Wow, you are evil.
CUT TO:
MAIN TITLES
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 4.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/A)
SCENE B
INT. iCARLY STUDIO / LOBBY / LOFT - A FEW DAYS LATER (D2)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Spencer, Lewbert, Timmy, Man Extra, Delivery Boy Extra)
MID-WEB SHOW. WE HEAR A DRUM ROLL AS CARLY AND SAM OBSERVE A MAN IN A SUIT BLOWING A VERY LARGE BUBBLE (WITH BUBBLE GUM). IT GETS QUITE LARGE. THE DRUM ROLL ENDS IN A CYMBAL CRASH, AND THE MAN POINTS TO THE BUBBLE. SAM HITS HER APPLAUSE BUTTON.
SAM
(TC) My Mom's lawyer, everybody!
CARLY
Thanks a lot, Ira.
THE MAN EXITS WITH THE BUBBLE STICKING OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
CARLY (CONT’D)
(TC) What's next, Sam?
SAM HITS A BUTTON ON HER REMOTE. LIGHTS CHANGE AND WE HEAR:
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Random Dancing With Vegetables!
RANDOM VEGETABLES DROP FROM THE CEILING. THE GIRLS DANCE AROUND POINTING AT THE VEGETABLES, NAMING THEM.
SAM
(TC) Corn!
CARLY
(TC) Eggplant!
SAM
(TC) Broccoli!
CARLY
(TC) Zucchini!
SAM
(TC) Bell pepper!
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 5.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/B)
A BANANA DROPS INTO FRAME.
CARLY
(TC) Banana-- Get outta here.
You're no vegetable!
CARLY SMACKS IT AND IT GOES FLYING OUT OF FRAME. THE MUSIC AND LIGHTING EFFECTS STOP.
CARLY (CONT’D)
(TC) All right, next we want to
introduce you to our friend, Little
Timmy.
SAM
C'mere Timmy!
TIMMY WALKS INTO FRAME. HE'S A SMALL TEN-YEAR-OLD.
SAM (CONT’D)
(TC) Timmy! He's our special effects
wiz. He was the brains behind the
flaming toaster in the teachers'
lounge.
CARLY
(TC) Mr. Harwood walked around
without eyebrows for weeks.
SAM
(TC) That was awesome.
CARLY
(TC) And now Timmy's here to help us
bring you what you've been asking for.
An all new...
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 6.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/B)
CARLY/SAM
(TC) Messin' With Lewbert!
SAM
So what do you got for us today,
Timmy?
TIMMY
(UNINTELLIGIBLE MUMBLING) You guys
want to do muffin basket with a
confetti cannon?
CARLY
(TC) Timmy's a little shy. He just
said that we asked him to rig a
muffin basket so it would shoot
confetti out of the top.
SAM
(TC) Lewbert will scream, we will
laugh.
FREDDIE
I actually took some video of the test
run if you want to see it.
CARLY
Really?
SAM
You're not useless after all.
CARLY
Show the people, Freddie.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 7.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/B)
FREDDIE
I had Spencer play Lewbert.
FREDDIE HITS SOME KEYS ON HIS KEYBOARD AND VIDEO BEGINS TO PLAY ON THE MONITOR. SPENCER ENTERS.
SPENCER
(LEWBERT VOICE) I'm Lewbert. I'm a
doorman. I hate everything.
FREDDIE ENTERS FRAME HOLDING A MUFFIN BASKET.
FREDDIE
Perhaps these muffins will cheer you
up.
SPENCER
(GRABBING BASKET) Lemme see those!
FREDDIE IMMEDIATELY RUNS OUT OF FRAME. AS SPENCER GOES FOR A MUFFIN, CONFETTI SHOOTS OUT OF THE TOP OF THE BASKET, GENUINELY SCARING HIM. SPENCER FREAKS OUT AND FALLS TO THE GROUND. THE VIDEO ENDS AND WE GO BACK TO THE iCARLY STUDIO.
SAM
(TC) That was great.
CARLY
(TC) And I'd like to thank Spencer
for helping us out with that. Now
it's time to do it for real.
SAM
(TC) With the actual Lewbert.
CARLY
Freddie, we all set?
FREDDIE
Ready when you are.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 8.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/B)
CARLY
Timmy?
TIMMY
(MUMBLES) Good to go.
TIMMY HANDS SAM A SMALL REMOTE.
CARLY
(TC) Good. Then let's go live to the
Lewbert Cam!
FREDDIE HITS A FEW KEYS ON THE KEYBOARD, CUING THE LEWBERT CAM. ON THE MONITOR BEHIND THEM WE SEE LEWBERT SITTING AT THE FRONT DESK, CLEANING HIS FINGERNAILS WITH A FORK.
SAM
(TC) And now we'll bring in the
muffins.
TIMMY TAKES OUT A WALKIE-TALKIE AND MUMBLES INTO IT.
ON THE LEWBERT CAM, WE SEE A TEENAGE DELIVERY BOY ENTER WITH A MUFFIN BASKET AND GIVE IT TO LEWBERT. LEWBERT LOOKS AT THE CARD AND PUTS THE BASKET ON THE DESK. THE DELIVERY BOY EXITS.
CARLY
(TC) Sam, I think we're ready for
confetti.
SAM PUSHES A BUTTON ON THE REMOTE TIMMY GAVE HER.
IN THE LOBBY, INSTEAD OF CONFETTI SHOOTING OUT AS PLANNED, THE BASKET EXPLODES, SENDING LEWBERT FLYING OVER THE DESK.
QUICK POP TO SPENCER IN THE LOFT SITTING AT THE COUNTER, EATING A BOWL OF SOUP, WATCHING iCARLY ON THE COMPUTER. SPENCER HEARS THE EXPLOSION. HE LOOKS UP, CONCERNED.
CUT BACK TO THE STUDIO, WHERE CARLY, SAM, AND FREDDIE LOOK HORRIFIED AND STUNNED. SAM LOOKS TO CARLY. CARLY LOOKS TO SAM. THEY LOOK TO TIMMY. TIMMY TAKES OFF RUNNING OUT THE DOOR. CARLY AND SAM TURN BACK TO CAMERA.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 9.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/B)
CARLY (CONT’D)
(AFTER AN AWKWARD BEAT, TC) We'll be
right back.
CARLY AND SAM RUN OUT. FREDDIE TURNS THE CAMERA ON HIMSELF.
FREDDIE
(TC) Uh, please enjoy this video of a
bunny eating peanut butter.
FREDDIE HITS A FEW KEYS ON THE KEYBOARD AND A VIDEO APPEARS ON THE MONITOR OF AN ELDERLY BUNNY EATING PEANUT BUTTER. FREDDIE RUNS OUT.
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 10.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/B)
SCENE C
INT. LOBBY - A SHORT WHILE LATER (D2)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Spencer, Lewbert, Paramedic #1, Paramedic #2)
LEWBERT IS LYING ON THE GROUND UNCONSCIOUS. THE KIDS COME RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS.
CARLY
Oh my god, is he--
FREDDIE LISTENS BY LEWBERT'S FACE.
FREDDIE
No. He's still breathing. He's just
unconscious.
SPENCER COMES RUNNING IN.
SPENCER
Is he all right?
SAM
He got knocked out by the explosion.
SPENCER
I called an ambulance. They'll be
here soon. I'll go get some smelling
salts.
SPENCER RUNS OFF.
SAM
We don't need smelling salts. I'll
wake him up.
SAM GRABS A MOP FROM A BUCKET AND DRAGS IT ACROSS LEWBERT'S FACE. LEWBERT IMMEDIATELY SPRINGS TO LIFE AND LETS OUT A BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAM.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 11.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/C)
SAM (CONT’D)
He'll make it.
CARLY GRABS THE MOP FROM SAM AND TOSSES IT ASIDE. SHE LEANS DOWN.
CARLY
Lewbert? Lewbert? Can you hear
me? Lewbert? (THEN) Uh, where's
his wart?
PARAMEDICS RUSH THROUGH THE DOORS AND IMMEDIATELY BEGIN ATTENDING TO LEWBERT.
PARAMEDIC #1
What happened?
CARLY
Well, we were filming our web show and--
SAM
(COVERS) Who knows how these
things happen? They don't call him
"Clumsy Old Lewbert" for nothin'.
CARLY
Excuse us.
CARLY PULLS SAM ASIDE. FREDDIE JOINS THEM.
CARLY (CONT’D)
Sam, what are you doing? This is our
fault.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 12.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/C)
SAM
Nobody needs to know that. Besides,
if we tell him it's our fault, then
Lewbert will find out, and then no
more Messin' With Lewbert.
FREDDIE
She's right.
CARLY
All right, fine. But if anybody
starts comin' around asking questions,
I'm gonna squeal.
THE PARAMEDICS HAVE LOADED LEWBERT ONTO A GURNEY. CARLY APPROACHES.
CARLY (CONT’D)
Is he gonna be okay?
PARAMEDIC #1
Yeah, his vitals look good. He might
have some broken bones... possibly a
concussion...
PARAMEDIC #2
And I'm no dentist, but this looks
like gum disease.
THE KIDS REACT, GROSSED-OUT. THE PARAMEDICS BEGIN WHEELING LEWBERT OUT.
LEWBERT
Stop! My wart! (FEELING HIS FACE)
Where's my wart?!
THEY ALL START LOOKING AROUND ON THE FLOOR. AFTER A BEAT:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 13.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/C)
CARLY
Ew! Ew! Gross, it's on my shoe!
Ew! Ew!
CARLY PULLS HER SHOE OFF AND HOLDS IT OUT AT ARM'S LENGTH TO THE PARAMEDICS.
PARAMEDIC #1
(TAKING SHOE) Thanks. (TO PARAMEDIC
#2) Let's get that wart on ice.
PARAMEDIC #2 EXITS QUICKLY WITH THE SHOE.
PARAMEDIC #1 (CONT’D)
We'll get your shoe back to you as
soon as possible.
CARLY
(GROSSED-OUT) Keep it.
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 14.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/C)
SCENE D
INT. LOFT - THE NEXT DAY (D3)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Spencer)
SAM IS SITTING AT THE COMPUTER ON THE COUNTER. CARLY AND FREDDIE ARE TALKING AS THEY WALK DOWN THE STAIRS.
CARLY
...so we went to the park, found the
squirrel and trapped him. Turns out,
he did have a gold tooth.
FREDDIE
That hobo was right.
SAM
(RE: COMPUTER, WINCING) Whoa, that
looks painful.
CARLY
Whatcha watchin'?
SAM
It's the video of the muffin basket
exploding on Lewbert. When you slow
it down, you can totally see the wart
fly off his face.
SAM TAPS THE FORWARD BUTTON. THEY WATCH THE MONITOR, GRIMACING. IT'S GROSS BUT THEY CAN'T TAKE THEIR EYES OFF IT.
CARLY/SAM/FREDDIE
Ew. / Whoa. / Gross.
CARLY
(RE: SCREEN) Who woulda thought a
wart could fly?
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 15.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/D)
SPENCER ENTERS FROM HIS BEDROOM WEARING LEWBERT'S DOORMAN JACKET.
CARLY (CONT’D)
What's with the jacket?
SPENCER
I volunteered to cover the front desk
for Lewbert while he's laid up.
Doctor says he's gonna need to stay in
bed for at least a week.
CARLY
This is awful. We didn't mean to hurt
Lewbert.
SAM
Yeah, we just wanted to scare him and
maybe make him pee himself.
SPENCER
I know you didn't mean to blow him up,
but since you did... I want you guys
to check in on him. Get him anything
he needs 'til he gets back on his feet.
CARLY
Spencer's right.
FREDDIE
Yeah, it's the least we can do.
SAM
Actually, the least we could do would
be doing nothing.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 16.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/D)
CARLY
(CHIDING) Sa-am.
SPENCER
All right, I gotta get going.
SPENCER GRABS AN OLD HOTEL DESK BELL OFF THE COUNTER.
FREDDIE
What's that, a bell?
SPENCER
Yeah, I found it in the junkyard. I
thought it'd be a good way for people
to let me know they're waiting if I'm
in the back room.
SAM
Why don't they just yell, "Hey,
doorman!"
SPENCER
(HOLDING UP BELL) That's the whole
point. With this, they won't have to.
Check it out. I got it all cleaned up.
SPENCER TAPS THE TOP OF THE BELL WITH HIS HAND. WE HEAR A MUFFLED CLUNK. BEAT.
CARLY
You know, they could always just yell,
"Hey, doorman!"
SPENCER WALKS OUT, SADLY. AS WE...
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 17.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/D)
SCENE E
INT. LEWBERT'S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER (D3)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Lewbert)
A DANK, SAD STUDIO APARTMENT. AROUND THE SMALL ROOM WE SEE: AN 8-TRACK PLAYER, A LARGE FRAMED PICTURE OF CINDY BRADY, AND A GLASS TANK WITH A LIZARD IN IT. THE KITCHEN IS ONE COUNTER TOP WITH A SINK. THE SHOWER IS A GARDEN HOSE HANGING OVER A CEILING PIPE. LEWBERT LAYS ON A TATTERED COUCH - HIS LEG IN A CAST, A BANDAGE AROUND HIS HEAD. THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. CARLY, SAM, AND FREDDIE WALK IN. CARLY HAS A CASSEROLE DISH. FREDDIE HAS FLOWERS.
CARLY
Hi, Lewbert. We just came down to--
LEWBERT
What are you kids doing here?! Get
out!
SAM
Okay, you heard the man.
SAM TURNS TO GO. CARLY GRABS HER AND TURNS HER AROUND.
CARLY
We heard you had a little accident so
we made you a tuna taco casserole.
LEWBERT
Sounds terrible.
CARLY
It is. Sam made it while Freddie and
I went to get these flowers.
LEWBERT
Set 'em down.
CARLY PUTS THE CASSEROLE DOWN ON THE COFFEE TABLE (A GIANT SPOOL OF INDUSTRIAL CABLE TIPPED OVER ON ITS SIDE).
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 18.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/E)
CARLY
So... how's it going?
LEWBERT
(SARCASTIC) Just ducky. I always
dreamed I'd be an injured doorman
living in a moldy basement.
FREDDIE
On the bright side...
FREDDIE LOOKS AROUND, SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING.
FREDDIE (CONT’D)
...that onion in the corner seems to
be sprouting roots.
LEWBERT
That's a tennis ball.
CARLY
Oh, you play tennis?
LEWBERT
No, I took it from a puppy playing in
the lobby.
SAM
Okay, this is depressing, so if
there's nothing else we can do for
you, we're just gonna--
LEWBERT
Well, you can fluff my pillow.
CARLY FLUFFS HIS PILLOW, RAISING A CLOUD OF DUST. CARLY COUGHS.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 19.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/E)
CARLY
(STILL COUGHING) How's that?
LEWBERT
Better. Now go feed my lizard some
bugs.
CARLY
(GRIMACES, THEN) Freddie? You like
reptiles.
FREDDIE WALKS OVER TO THE TERRARIUM.
FREDDIE
Where do I get the bugs?
LEWBERT
I usually just catch 'em in that
corner over there. If you put some
honey in the palm of your hand,
they'll crawl right on.
FREDDIE
Where do I get the honey?
LEWBERT
Well, there's a beehive under the
hotplate. Be careful, they can get
angry.
SAM
(TO LEWBERT, SARCASTIC) Anything else
we can do?
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 20.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/E)
LEWBERT
This cast is getting real itchy. You
can scratch my foot.
SAM MAKES AN "I'M OUT" GESTURE TO CARLY AND TURNS TO GO. CARLY GRABS HER WRIST. CARLY LOOKS AROUND AND SPOTS AN UMBRELLA STAND. INSIDE ARE A GOLF CLUB, A TOILET PLUNGER, A SCYTHE, AND A CROWBAR. SHE REMOVES THE CROWBAR AND USES IT TO SCRATCH LEWBERT'S FOOT. FREDDIE AND SAM LOOK ON, GROSSED-OUT, AS CARLY TRIES TO SMILE THROUGH HER DISGUST.
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 21.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/E)
SCENE H
INT. LOBBY - THE NEXT DAY (D4)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Spencer, Mrs. Benson)
SPENCER IN SITTING BEHIND THE FRONT DESK. HE LOOKS BORED, DRUMS HIS HANDS ON THE DESK, MOVES A FEW THINGS AROUND, THEN DINGS HIS BELL, WHICH EMITS A DULL THUD. SPENCER PICKS UP THE BELL AND EXAMINES IT. HE REACHES UNDER THE DESK, PULLS OUT A SCREWDRIVER, AND USES IT TO MAKE AN ADJUSTMENT. HE FINISHES TINKERING, PLACES THE BELL ON THE COUNTER, AND TESTS IT OUT. IT DINGS.
SPENCER
Awesome.
SPENCER HAPPILY DINGS THE BELL A FEW MORE TIMES, THEN SITS BACK DOWN. BEAT. THE BELL BURSTS INTO FLAMES. SPENCER LOOKS AROUND, THEN RUNS INTO THE BACK ROOM AND COMES OUT WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER. AS HE EXTINGUISHES THE FLAME, MRS. BENSON ENTERS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR WITH A FEW GROCERY BAGS.
MRS. BENSON
Spencer? What are you doing?
SPENCER
(ACTING INNOCENT) Nothing.
SPENCER GUILTILY STASHES THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER UNDER THE DESK.
MRS. BENSON
Where's Lewbert?
SPENCER
Oh, I'm covering for him until he gets
back on his feet. He got injured.
MRS. BENSON
Oh. Well, that's nice of you. Do you
know if I've received a package?
SPENCER
Uh, hang on, I'll check the back room.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 22.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/H)
SPENCER EXITS TO THE BACK ROOM. MRS. BENSON LOOKS AT THE CHARRED BELL. CARLY, SAM, AND FREDDIE COME DOWN THE STAIRS. CARLY HAS A PLATE WITH A SCALED FISH ON IT. FREDDIE CARRIES A PILE OF BOXER SHORTS AND SAM IS CARRYING A BROWN PAPER BAG.
FREDDIE
Oh, hey Mom.
MRS. BENSON
Oh hi. (RE: WHAT THEY'RE CARRYING)
What's all this?
CARLY
It's for Lewbert. We're helping him
out until he gets better.
MRS. BENSON
Oh, that's nice. (NOTICING WHAT
FREDDIE'S CARRYING, GASPS) Are those
Lewbert's underpants?
FREDDIE
Yeah, I had to mend the moth holes.
At least I think they were moth holes.
MRS. BENSON
You used a needle? Without supervision?
SAM
Don't worry. (RE: FREDDIE) Ole
Sewin' Sally's good with a drop
stitch. Didn't poke himself once.
SPENCER ENTERS FROM THE BACK ROOM CARRYING A DAMAGED PACKAGE AND A SMALL CB RADIO.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 23.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/H)
SPENCER
I've got good news and bad news, Mrs.
Benson. Bad news: your package was
damaged during shipment.
MRS. BENSON
What's the good news?
SPENCER
(EXCITED) I found a CB Radio!
MRS. BENSON SHAKES HER HEAD, GRABS HER PACKAGE AND EXITS UPSTAIRS.
FREDDIE
What's a CB Radio?
SPENCER
It's a two-way radio that truckers use
to talk to each other and tell each
other about traffic and police and
dead things they see in the road.
SAM
Why don't they just use cellphones?
SPENCER
Because with one of these, you don't
have to be calling anybody. You just
make up a nickname for yourself, start
talkin', and someone will answer you.
CARLY
Like an internet chatroom.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 24.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/H)
SPENCER
Okay, just get out of here.
CARLY, SAM AND FREDDIE EXIT. SPENCER BEGINS TO SET UP HIS CB RADIO. WHEN SPENCER LOOKS FOR A PLACE TO PLUG IT IN, HE FINDS A LONG WHIP ANTENNA UNDER THE COUNTER. HE CLIPS THE ANTENNA TO THE COUNTER, PLUGS IT IN TO THE CB, AND PICKS UP THE MICROPHONE.
SPENCER (CONT’D)
(INTO MIC) Breaker, breaker. Anybody
got their ears on?
NO RESPONSE FROM THE CB. HE FIDDLES WITH THE KNOBS A BIT, THEN STILL HEARING NOTHING, HE STOPS. BEAT. THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER BURSTS INTO FLAMES.
SPENCER (CONT’D)
Oh, come on!
WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY, SPENCER TRIES TO TURN THE EXTINGUISHER HOSE BACK AT THE EXTINGUISHER. HE LETS GO OF THE HOT HANDLE.
SPENCER (CONT’D)
Hot! Hot! Hot!
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 25.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/H)
SCENE J
INT. LEWBERT'S BASEMENT APARTMENT - A FEW DAYS LATER (D5)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Lewbert)
LEWBERT'S APARTMENT IS NOW CLEANER THAN IT WAS. LEWBERT SITS ON THE COUCH. HIS SCRAPES AND BRUISES HAVE ALMOST HEALED, HIS ARM IS NO LONGER IN A SLING AND HIS SOFT CAST HAS BEEN REMOVED. HE IS NOW JUST WEARING A SMALL ANKLE BRACE.
LEWBERT
I'm hot. When's my fan gonna be ready?
WE REVEAL FREDDIE STANDING ATOP A LADDER INSTALLING A CEILING FAN. CARLY STEADIES THE LADDER. SAM HOLDS A MANUAL.
SAM
Okay, last thing, connect the green
wire to the red wire.
FREDDIE DOES. IT SPARKS. FREDDIE RECOILS. CARLY GRABS THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL.
CARLY
(READING) Sam, it says, "Do not let
the green and red wires touch."
SAM
(FAKE INNOCENT) Oops.
CARLY
(READING) "Connect the green wire to
the black wire and secure the cover."
FREDDIE QUICKLY FINISHES THE INSTALLATION.
CARLY (CONT’D)
(TO LEWBERT) So, you excited that you
get to go back to work tomorrow?
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 26.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/J)
LEWBERT
Yeah, I guess so. I can't believe
anyone's been able to open the door
without me.
SAM
But you never open the door for
anyone.
LEWBERT
Don't tell me how to do my job!
FREDDIE
(COMING DOWN OFF THE LADDER) Fan's
all set.
CARLY
(HANDING LEWBERT FAN REMOTE) There
you go. Test it out.
LEWBERT HITS THE BUTTON ON THE REMOTE. THE ENTIRE FAN FALLS FROM THE CEILING, LANDING ON LEWBERT -- KNOCKING HIM OFF THE COUCH AND PINNING HIM TO THE GROUND. LEWBERT SCREAMS IN PAIN.
SAM
I'll call the ambulance.
GROSSED OUT, CARLY PICKS SOMETHING UP WITH A TISSUE.
CARLY
I'll put his wart on ice.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 27.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (I/J)
ACT TWO
SCENE K
FADE IN:
INT. LEWBERT'S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER (D5)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Mrs. Benson, Lewbert)
CARLY AND FREDDIE ENTER, SUPPORTING LEWBERT UNDER EACH OF HIS ARMS. HE HAS BANDAGES AROUND HIS TORSO, SHOULDER, AND NECK, AND A BRACE ON HIS LEG. SAM COMES IN BEHIND THEM, TEXTING. A BIG PIECE OF THE BROKEN FAN IS STILL ON THE COUCH. CARLY AND FREDDIE ARE ABOUT TO LAY LEWBERT ON THE COUCH WHEN CARLY NOTICES THE PIECE OF FAN.
CARLY
Hey Sam, can you clear off the couch?
FREDDIE
Yeah, will you stop texting and help
us out?
SAM
(STILL TEXTING) Sure.
SAM WALKS OVER TO THE COUCH BUT DOESN'T CLEAR IT OFF. SHE JUST KEEPS TEXTING. BEAT.
CARLY
(TO SAM) Lewbert's not getting any
lighter.
SAM
Sorry. (RE: PHONE) Debbie Gruber got
a new bike.
CARLY
(RE: COUCH) Clear it!
SAM PUTS AWAY HER PHONE AND QUICKLY CLEARS OFF THE COUCH. CARLY AND FREDDIE LAY LEWBERT DOWN ON THE COUCH.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 28.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/K)
CARLY (CONT'D)
(TO LEWBERT) We're sorry you got hurt
again.
FREDDIE
I really thought the fan was secure.
LEWBERT
Well, I should have never asked three
brainless monkeys to install a ceiling
fan.
SAM
Carly and I aren't brainless monkeys.
FREDDIE
(TO SAM) Hey!
SAM
Oh, monkey cranky without his banana?
THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. MRS. BENSON STICKS HER HEAD IN.
MRS. BENSON
Freddie, I'm going to the pharmacy.
Do you want me to get you another
stick of puberty-strength deodorant?
CARLY AND SAM SNICKER.
FREDDIE
Mom!
MRS. BENSON LOOKS OVER AT LEWBERT.
MRS. BENSON
Hello, Lewbert. (RE: INJURIES) You
look terrible.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 29.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/K)
LEWBERT
I feel worse than I look.
MRS. BENSON
That's because your leg isn't
elevated.
SHE PUTS A FEW PILLOWS UNDER HIS FOOT, ELEVATING HIS INJURED LEG. LEWBERT MAKES SOUNDS OF PLEASURE.
LEWBERT
(RELIEVED) You're an angel.
MRS. BENSON
Thank you. (GIVING HIM A SMILE) You
look more handsome out of uniform.
LEWBERT
(FLIRTY) Maybe it's because I'm being
so well taken care of.
CARLY AND SAM EXCHANGE MAJORLY WEIRDED-OUT LOOKS.
CARLY
(SOTTO) Your mom and Lewbert are
totally flirting.
FREDDIE
No they're not. It's her nurse
training.
MRS. BENSON
(LOOKS AROUND, TO LEWBERT) Where are
your fluids?
LEWBERT
Fluids?
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 30.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/K)
MRS. BENSON
You should be getting plenty of fluids
and physical therapy. (TO FREDDIE) I
taught you better than this. Why
don't you kids run along? I'll take
care of Lewbert.
SAM
You got it, lady.
CARLY, SAM AND FREDDIE START TO EXIT.
CARLY
Puberty-strength deodorant?
FREDDIE
That's right. I'm a man.
SAM
Coulda fooled me.
CARLY
(SNIFFS FREDDIE) Kinda smells like...
FREDDIE
Stallion Musk?
CARLY
No, my grandpa.
THEY EXIT AS WE...
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 31.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/K)
SCENE L
INT. LOBBY - A SHORT WHILE LATER (D5)(Spencer, Chucky, Chucky's Dad, Big Porkchop (on CB))
SPENCER SITS AT THE DESK TALKING INTO THE CB MICROPHONE.
SPENCER
(INTO MIC) Breaker, breaker, this
is... (THINKS, THEN) Bushwell Bandit.
Anyone out there got their ears on?
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
Copy that, Bushwell. This is Big
Porkchop. What's your twenty?
SPENCER
Twenty? Oh yeah, that means location.
(INTO MIC) I'm drivin' through
Seattle right now.
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
I'm headed that way, good buddy.
Should be hittin' the five freeway in
about fifty miles. How's she lookin?
A SNOTTY TWELVE-YEAR-OLD KID, CHUCKY, COMES DOWN THE STAIRS, OVERHEARING SPENCER'S CONVERSATION.
SPENCER
(INTO MIC) Oh, you don't want to take
the five. She's jammed up like a
piece of toast.
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
You sure? I heard it was clean and
green.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 32.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/L)
SPENCER
(INTO MIC) No, I'm drivin' my truck
on it right now. (THEN) I mean, my
rig. (THEN) Good buddy.
CHUCKY
What are you doing? You're not a
trucker!
CHUCKY GRABS THE MIC FROM SPENCER.
CHUCKY (CONT'D)
(INTO MIC) He's not a trucker and--
SPENCER GRABS THE MIC BACK FROM CHUCKY.
SPENCER
Get outta here!
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
What was that?
SPENCER
(INTO MIC) Oh, nothing, Big Porkchop.
Just a spoiled brat hitchhiker that I
picked up.
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
So what's the best way 'round that
traffic jam?
SPENCER
(INTO MIC) Well, you could take the
ninety to the eighty-two.
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
Thanks good buddy.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 33.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/L)
CHUCKY
That'll take him way outta the way!
SPENCER
I know that. I'm just goofing with
him.
CHUCKY
I'm telling him you're not a trucker.
CHUCKY TRIES TO GRAB THE MIC. SPENCER KEEPS IT AWAY FROM HIM. CHUCKY KEEPS JUMPING UP AS SPENCER HOLDS THE MICROPHONE HIGH. THROUGH THE FOLLOWING, CHUCKY JUMPS UP ON THE COUNTER, GRABBING FOR THE MIC. SPENCER WRAPS THE MICROPHONE CORD AROUND CHUCKY, BINDING HIS ARMS TO HIS SIDES.
SPENCER
Leave me alone! You're going
to upset Big Porkchop. Stop
it! You're annoying!
CHUCKY
You're not a trucker! You're
nothing but a doorman! A
substitute doorman!
CHUCKY'S DAD COMES DOWN THE STAIRS AND SEES SPENCER TYING UP CHUCKY WITH THE CORD.
CHUCKY'S DAD
Chucky? What's going on here?
SPENCER
(MOCK INNOCENT) I was just teaching
your son about CB radios.
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 34.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/L)
SCENE M
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - A FEW DAYS LATER (D6)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, School Extras)
CARLY IS AT HER LOCKER. SAM WALKS UP AND HANDS CARLY A THICK STACK OF PAPERS.
CARLY
What's this?
SAM
Lewbert's been getting better and will
be back at work soon, so I came up
with a bunch of new Messin' With
Lewbert ideas.
CARLY
Cool. (FLIPS THROUGH PAGES) Funny...
funny... (RE: PAGES) Okay, Sam, even
if we could get some sharks, how are
we gonna get Lewbert in an underwater
cage?
SAM
Maybe we could put Mrs. Benson in
there wearing a bathing suit.
CARLY AND SAM LAUGH. FREDDIE WALKS UP SPORTING A MUCH MORE CASUAL LOOK - HIS HAIR IS MESSY, T-SHIRT, FLIP-FLOPS.
FREDDIE
Mornin', ladies. Check it out...
FREDDIE LIFTS UP HIS SHIRT A LITTLE TO SHOW THE GIRLS HE IS NOT WEARING A BELT.
FREDDIE (CONT’D)
No belt!
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 35.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/M)
SAM
Wow.
FREDDIE
And look, open-toed shoes!
CARLY
You're an animal. (THEN) What's your
mom think of this?
FREDDIE
She doesn't! Since she's been taking
care of Lewbert I can pretty much do
whatever I want.
CARLY
Doesn't it bother you that your mom
and Lewbert are practically dating?
FREDDIE
They're not dating. She's just being
a good nurse.
SAM
Wake up and smell the boyfriend,
Benson. She's down there all the
time.
CARLY
Your mom is totally lovin' Lewbert.
FREDDIE
No she's not.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 36.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/M)
SAM
Y'know, if he becomes your new dad,
you're gonna have to kiss his wart
goodnight.
THE REALITY BEGINS TO DAWN ON FREDDIE.
FREDDIE
Eww, I'm not kissing anybody's wart
goodnight. (THEN) You guys gotta
help me get my mom away from Lewbert.
SAM
I dunno, it might be even more fun
messin' with Lewbert if he's your new
daddy.
FREDDIE
Stop saying that. (GETS ON HIS KNEES,
TO CARLY) Please, help me!
CARLY
Okay. You don't have to get all
beggy.
FREDDIE
How do we break them up?
CARLY
What's the most important thing in the
world to your mom?
FREDDIE
Making sure I've washed thoroughly?
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 37.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/M)
CARLY
You, Freddie, you. She may be all hot
for Lewbert right now, but you're her
whole world.
SAM
Yeah, if you got sick or had an
accident, she'd come runnin' back.
FREDDIE
But I feel fine right now and I very
rarely get injured.
CARLY
How are we gonna convince Mrs. Benson
that Freddie needs her more than
Lewbert?
SAM
Don't worry, I have ideas.
SAM PULLS OUT HER LIST OF "LEWBERT" IDEAS.
SAM (CONT’D)
(TO FREDDIE) How do you feel about
sharks?
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 38.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/M)
SCENE R
INT. LOBBY - LATER (D6)(Spencer, Chucky, Old Goat (on CB), Big Porkchop (on CB))
SPENCER SITS BEHIND THE DESK PLAYING ON THE CB RADIO.
SPENCER
(SINGING INTO THE CB) She'lllllll
beeeee.... comin' round the mountain,
she'll be comin' round the mountain,
she'll be comin' round the mountain,
when she commmmmmmes!
SPENCER REACHES UP AND PULLS A CORD THAT IS ATTACHED TO A SET OF TRUCK AIRHORNS THAT HE HAS MOUNTED BEHIND THE DESK. THE HORNS BLOW.
OLD GOAT (ON CB)
Listen here, Bushwell Bandit, if you
don't stop singin' on this channel,
I'm gonna hunt you down and beat you
silly.
SPENCER
Come on Old Goat, don't you like a
little music while you drive?
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
Bushwell Bandit?! Is that you?!
SPENCER
It sure is. Who's this? You got any
requests?
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
This is Big Porkchop.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 39.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/R)
SPENCER
Oh, hey Big Porkchop! How's it goin'?
You keepin' the shiny side up and the
dirty side down?
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
I'm gonna turn your shiny side down!
I took your directions and ended up on
a one-lane road outside Yakima. Lost
five hours and my shipment was late.
Got docked on my pay. And unrelated,
my candy bar melted.
SPENCER
Sorry, Big P. I was just havin' a
little CB fun with ya.
CHUCKY ENTERS DOWN THE STAIRS.
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
Well, a CB ain't a toy. If I knew
where you were, I'd come and kick your
butt so hard you'd have to pull down
your pants to eat soup.
AS CHUCKY WALKS BY THE DESK, HE GRABS THE CB MICROPHONE FROM SPENCER.
CHUCKY
(INTO MIC) He's the doorman at the
Bushwell Plaza Apartments in Seattle.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 40.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/R)
SPENCER
(GRABBING MIC BACK, PANICKED) He's
just kidding, there's no Bushwell
Plaza in Seattle. So don't go there.
CHUCKY GRABS A PAIR OF SCISSORS OFF THE DESK AND CUTS THE MICROPHONE CORD.
BIG PORKCHOP (ON CB)
Bushwell Plaza, huh? I'm on my way.
OLD GOAT (ON CB)
This is Old Goat. I'll meet ya there,
Big Porkchop.
CHUCKY
(SING-SONGY) Ha-ha! Now everyone
knows you aren't a trucker. You're
just a doorman!
CHUCKY CROSSES TO THE DOOR.
CHUCKY (CONT’D)
You gonna open the door for me
doorman?
SPENCER
(PICKING UP CUT MIC) I'm gonna open
more than a door!
SPENCER CHASES CHUCKY OUT THE DOOR SWINGING THE MICROPHONE OVER HIS HEAD LIKE A LASSO.
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 41.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/R)
SCENE S
INT. LEWBERT'S BASEMENT APARTMENT - NIGHT (N7)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Mrs. Benson, Lewbert)
LEWBERT'S APARTMENT HAS BEEN "MRS. BENSON-IZED". IT'S STILL A CRUMMY BASEMENT, BUT IT'S VERY CLEAN. THERE ARE VINYL COVERS ON SOME OF THE CHAIRS, A COUPLE OF PLANTS, AN UGLY THROW PILLOW OR TWO, AND NEXT TO THE CINDY BRADY PICTURE, A LARGE FRAMED PHOTO OF MRS. BENSON. A ROMANTIC DINNER IS IN PROGRESS -- MRS. BENSON AND LEWBERT SIT AT A TABLE WITH A LIT CANDLE ON IT.
MRS. BENSON
Can I get you more fish loaf with corn?
LEWBERT
It's delicious, but I was hoping we
could get right to... dessert.
MRS. BENSON
But I didn't make any dessert.
LEWBERT
Whaddaya mean? I'm looking at
something pretty sweet right across
the table.
LEWBERT EXTENDS HIS HANDS TO HOLD HERS AND BEGINS TO MAKE A KISSY FACE. THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN TO REVEAL CARLY, SAM AND FREDDIE. THEY LOOK AT THE SCENE AND SHIVER.
FREDDIE
My stomach hurts.
SAM
My eyes hurt.
CARLY
I think I'm gonna be sick.
CARLY NUDGES FREDDIE TO GO IN.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 42.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/S)
FREDDIE
Um, Mom, is it okay if I go play in
that abandoned construction site? Sam
and some of the other aggressive
children are gonna throw rusty nails
at each other.
MRS. BENSON
(STARING INTO LEWBERT'S EYES) Sure,
Freddie. Whatever you think is best.
FREDDIE TURNS BACK TO CARLY AND SAM. THEY SHRUG.
FREDDIE
You know what? I think I'll just stay
home and drink some of that stuff from
those bottles under the sink.
MRS. BENSON
Freddie, Lewbert, and I are having a
very special dinner and we'd like some
privacy.
SAM
What's so special about it?
LEWBERT
I'm going back to work tomorrow.
CARLY
Oh, so I guess you guys won't be
seeing as much of each other?
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 43.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/S)
MRS. BENSON
Actually, now that Lewbert is all
better, we can go on dates...
LEWBERT
Hang out in the lobby...
MRS. BENSON
Maybe even go away for a romantic
weekend.
THE KIDS HUDDLE BY THE DOOR AND CONFER, SOTTO.
FREDDIE
What are we gonna do?
SAM
Why don't we push Freddie down
some stairs?
CARLY
Sam, you always say that.
SAM
But this time it won't be just
for fun.
CARLY ROLLS HER EYES AS THE KIDS HEAD OUT THE DOOR, LEAVING LEWBERT AND MRS. BENSON TO CONTINUE THEIR DINNER.
TRANSITION TO:
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 44.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/S)
SCENE T
INT. LOBBY - THE NEXT DAY (D8)(Carly, Sam, Freddie, Mrs. Benson, Freddie, Lewbert, Big Porkchop, Old Goat)
LEWBERT IS BEHIND THE DESK, IN UNIFORM. THE CB, ANTENNA, AND HORN ARE NOW GONE. MRS. BENSON STANDS NEXT TO HIM, LINT-ROLLING HIS JACKET.
MRS. BENSON
There. Now lemme rub a little salve
on your wart.
LEWBERT TURNS HIS WART TOWARD HER. MRS. BENSON TAKES OUT A TUBE AND BEGINS APPLYING OINTMENT TO LEWBERT'S WART. LEWBERT COOS AS SHE SPREADS ON THE OINTMENT. CARLY, SAM AND FREDDIE STICK THEIR HEADS AROUND THE CORNER ON THE LANDING OF THE STAIRS.
FREDDIE
(SOTTO, TO THE GIRLS) Are you sure
this is necessary?
SAM
She's touching his wart!
CARLY
Without gloves!
FREDDIE
Okay, let's do it.
SAM CRACKS HER KNUCKLES AND ROLLS HER NECK. SHE DISAPPEARS UP THE STEPS, THEN HER HAND COMES BACK INTO FRAME AND PULLS FREDDIE UP WITH HER. CARLY FOLLOWS. AFTER A BEAT, FREDDIE COMES TUMBLING DOWN THE STAIRS.
FREDDIE (CONT’D)
Whooooaaa!
FREDDIE ENDS UP IN A PILE ON THE LOBBY FLOOR WITH A THUD. MRS. BENSON RUNS OVER.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 45.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/T)
MRS. BENSON
Freddie! Oh, my baby. Are you okay?
LEWBERT WALKS UP.
LEWBERT
(TO FREDDIE) Hey, don't get blood on
my nice clean floor.
MRS. BENSON
He's hurt. What's wrong with you?
LEWBERT
He's fine. Come on, stand up,
Freddie.
FREDDIE
(SELLING IT) Ow!
MRS. BENSON
Are you crazy? He may have damaged
his spine. Freddie, lay still.
FREDDIE
Okay.
LEWBERT
We don't have time for this. Our
dinner reservations are in
twenty minutes.
MRS. BENSON
Well, I guess you'll just have to go
without me.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 46.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/T)
LEWBERT
Don't be that way, Marissa. He'll be
fine. It's not like a fan fell on him
or something.
MRS. BENSON
I think I made a mistake.
LEWBERT
Good, I'm glad you're seeing it my wa--
MRS. BENSON
No. I made a mistake with you. I was
happy to help you heal, but nothing's
going to nurse your personality back
to health. You're an awful, awful
man. (THEN) Freddie, can you walk?
FREDDIE
(GETTING UP) I think so.
MRS. BENSON HELPS FREDDIE OFF TOWARD THE ELEVATORS.
LEWBERT
Marissa, you're being unreasonable.
FREDDIE AND MRS. BENSON ARE GONE.
LEWBERT (CONT’D)
Ngyah!
LEWBERT GOES BEHIND HIS DESK. CARLY AND SAM HAVE BEEN PEERING AROUND THE CORNER ON THE LANDING, WATCHING THIS EXCHANGE.
CARLY
Our work here is done.
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 47.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/T)
SAM
Wow, who knew helping Freddie could be
so much fun?
THEY EXIT UP THE STAIRS. A BEAT LATER, TWO LARGE TRUCKERS, BIG PORKCHOP AND OLD GOAT, WALK IN THE FRONT DOOR.
BIG PORKCHOP
There's the doorman!
OLD GOAT
You think a CB's a toy?
THEY MENACINGLY APPROACH THE FRONT DESK.
LEWBERT
(SLIGHTLY CONFUSED) What? Get outta
my lobby!
BIG PORKCHOP
Come on, Old Goat. Let's give him a
real breaker breaker.
THE TRUCKERS PULL LEWBERT FROM BEHIND THE DESK AND BEGIN TO BEAT HIM UP.
LEWBERT
Oof! Ow! My wart! I just had it
sewn back on! Oof! Ow!
THE TRUCKERS CONTINUE TO BEAT LEWBERT AS WE...
FADE OUT.
END OF SHOW
iCarly #207 - "iHurt Lewbert" 48.Writer's Draft - 6/17/08 (II/T)