anger - view on buddhism

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ANGER AND AVERSION

PAGE CONTENTS

A Bag of Nails

Some Definitions

Psychology

Forgiving

Healing Hatred - by His Holiness the Dalai Lama

How to Take Insult

Handling Anger - Applying Antidotes

"It is natural for the immature to harm others.Getting angry with them is like resenting a fire for burning."

Shantideva

A BAG OF NAILS

Once upon a time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time helost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually,the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into thefence.Finally the first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the fathersuggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young

boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence."You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things inanger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won't matter how many times yousay 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."

SOME DEFINITIONS

The definition ofAversion is: Exaggerated wanting to be separated from someone or something. (Exactopposite ofAttachment.) Because the label of "unpleasant" is very relative and based upon limited

information, aversion includes an aspect of exaggeration or "projection".The definition ofAnger is: Being unable to bear the object, or the intention to cause harm to the object.

Anger is defined as aversion with stronger exaggera tion.

A BIT OF BUDDHIST PSYCHOLOGY

The basic problem according to Buddhism, is that emotions like anger and hatred are based on projections and exaggeration,not on objectivity or wisdom, and thus basically incorrect.There is little need to explain what anger and hatred do to ourselves by means of the laws ofkarma; the misery we causeothers will come back at ourselves. Nobody wants suffering, so next is a summary of methods which can not only reduce buteven eliminate anger and hatred from our minds.It must be emphasise that to completely eliminate these negative emotions from our mind is a lengthy psychological process,requiring study, mindfulness, reflection and honest observation of one's own mind. To begin with, meditation is an idealmethod to review a situation in which one became angry (see the page on meditation). This has the advantage that one is notexposed to the actual situation, but one can review it much more objectively. When regular meditation gives some insight into

what anger is and what happens to oneself when feeling angry, then one can gradually try to apply it in real-life situations,preferably of course before one is already under complete control of anger. It is a slow process, but the change in your life andthe ones around you can profoundly change for the better.

As His Holiness the Dalai Lam a mentioned:

"When reason ends, then anger begins.Therefore, anger is a sign of weakness."

Is anger or hatred ever justified? A direct answer from Allan Wallace in 'Tibetan Buddhism from the Ground up':

"'Righteous hatred' is in the same category as 'righteous cancer'or 'righteous tuberculosis'. All of them areabsurd concepts."

This does not mean that one should never take action against aggression or injustice! Instead, one should try todevelop an inner calmness and insight to deal with these situations in an appropriate way. We all know that

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anger and aggression give rise to anger and aggression. One could say that there are three ways to get rid ofanger: kill the opponent, kill yourself or kill the anger - which one makes most sense to you?"

And as Khenpo Konchog Gyaltsen Rinpoche mentioned:

"Some people feel patience is showing weakness or pessimism.But, actually, patience shows the strength and clarity of mind, which are based on wisdom and compassion.

Without proper wisdom and compassion, one cannot practice patience."

But of course not only Buddhism recognises the shortcomings of anger, in the Bible for example in Psalm 37, 14-16 it reads:

"The angry ones draw their swords, the angry ones aim their bowsTo put down the poor and the weakened and to kill those who walk on the path of righteousness.But their sword hits their own heart, their bows will be broken.

With his poverty, the righteous one is richer than all the angry ones in their abundance."

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the onewho gets burned."The Buddha

"If subconscious anger had a parallel in Buddhist writings, it would have to do with what is called mentalunhappiness or dissatisfaction. This is regarded as the source of anger and hostility. We can see subconsciousanger in terms of a lack of awarness, as well as a n active misconstruing of reality."

His Holiness the Dalai Lama

"If there are sound reasons or bases for the points you demand, then there is no need to use violence. On theother hand, when there is no sound reason that concessions should be made to you but mainly your own desire,then reason cannot work and you have to rely on force. Thus, using force is not a sign of strength but rather asign of weakness. Even in daily human contact, if we talk seriously, using reasons, there is no need to feel anger.

We can argue the points. When we fail to prove with reason, then anger comes. When reason ends, then angerbegins. Therefore, anger is a sign of weakness."His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from 'The Dalai Lama, A Policy of Kindness: An Anthology of Writings by andAbout the Dalai Lama', Snow Lion Publications.

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FORGIVING

Please take a m oment to take in the following message:

What forgiveness is

"Forgiveness is a form of realism. It doesn't deny, minimize, or justify what others have done to us or the painthat we have suffered. It encourages us to look squarely at those old wounds and see them for what they are. Andit allows us to see how much energy we have wasted and how much we have damaged ourselves by not forgiving.Forgiveness is an internal process. It can't be forced, and it doesn't come easy. It brings with it great feelings of

wellness and freedom. But we experience this only when we want to heal and when we are willing to work for it.Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. We no longer identify ourselves by our past injuries and injustices.

We are no longer victims. We claim the right to stop hurting when we say, "I'm tired of the pain, and I want to behealed." At that moment, forgiveness becomes a possibility-although it may take time and much hard work

before we finally achieve it.Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It doesn't erase what happened, but it does allow us to lessen and perhapseven eliminate the pain of the past. The pain from our past no longer dictates how we live in the present, and itno longer determines our future.It also means that we no longer need resentment and anger as an excuse for our shortcomings. We don't needthem as a weapon to punish others nor as a shield to protect ourselves by keeping others away. And mostimportantly, we don't need these feelings to identify who we are. We become more than merely victims of ourpast.Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish those who hurt us. It is understanding that the anger and hatred that

we feel toward them hurts us far more than it hurts them. It is seeing how we hide ourselves in our anger andhow those feelings prevent us from healing. It is discovering the inner peace that becomes ours when we let go of

the past and forget vengeance.Forgiveness is moving on. It is recognizing all that we have lost because of our refusal to forgive. It is realizingthat the energy that we spend hanging on to the past is better spent on improving our present and our future. Itis letting go of the past so that we can move on.

We all have been hurt. And at one time or another most of us have made the mistake of trying to run away fromthe past. The problem is that no matter how fast or how far we run, the past always catches up to us-and usuallyat the most inopportune time. When we forgive, we are dealing with the past in such a way that we no longerhave to run.For me, learning how to forgive wasn't easy. But I did learn, and my life is better for it - even here on deathrow."

Michael B. RossDeath RowSomers, Connecticut

"To be angry is to let others' mistakes punish yourself.

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To forgive others is to be good to yourself.Master ChengYen

HEALING HATREDBy His Holiness the Dalai Lama

"The destructive effects of hatred are very visible, very obvious and immediate. For example, when a strong orforceful thought of hatred arises, at that very instant it overwhelms one totally and destroys one's peace andpresence of mind. When that hateful thought is harboured inside, it makes one feel tense and uptight, and cancause loss of appetite, leading to loss of sleep, and so forth.

If we examine how anger or hateful thoughts arise in us, we will find that, generally speaking, they arise when wefeel hurt, when we feel that we have been unfairly treated by someone against our expectations. If in that instant

we examine carefully the way anger arises, there is a sense that it comes as a protector, comes a s a friend thatwould help our battle or in taking revenge against the person who has inflicted harm on us. So the anger orhateful thought that arises appears to come as a shield or a protector. But in reality that is an illusion. It is a verydelusory state of mind.Chandrakirti states in Entry into the Middle Way that there might be some justification for responding to force

with force if revenge would help one in any way, or prevent or reduce the harm which has already been inflicted.But that is not the case because if the harm, the physics. injury or whatever, has been inflicted, it has alreadytaken place. So taking revenge will not in any way reduce or prevent that harm or injury because it has alreadyhappened.On the contrary, if one reacts to a situation in a negative way instead of in a tolerant way, not only is there noimmediate benefit, but also a negative attitude and feeling is created which is the seed of one's future downfall.From the Buddhist point of view, the consequence of taking revenge has to be faced by the individual alone in hisor he future life. So not only is there no immediate benefit, it is harmful in the long run for the individual.However, if one has been treated very unfairly and if the situation is left unaddressed, it may have extremely

negative consequences for the perpetrator of the crime. Such a situation calls for a strong counteraction. Undersuch circumstances, it is possible that one can, out of compassion for the perpetrator of the crime and withoutgenerating anger or hatred, actually take a strong stand and take strong countermeasures. In fact, one of theprecepts of the Bodhisattva vows is to take strong countermeasures when the situation calls for it. If aBodhisattva doesn't take strong countermeasures when the situation requires, then that constitutes an infractionof one of the vows.In addition, as the Entry into the Middle Way points out, not only does the generation of hateful thoughts lead toundesirable forms of existence in future lives, but also, at the moment that strong feelings of anger arise, nomatter how hard one tries to adopt a dignified pose, one's face looks rather ugly. There is an unpleasantexpression, and the vibration that the person sends is very hostile. People can sense it, and it is almost as if onecan feel steam coming out of that person's body. Indeed not only are human beings capable of sensing it, butpets and other animals also try to avoid that person at that instant.If we examine how anger or hateful thoughts arise in us, we will find that, generally speaking, they arise when wefeel hurt, when we feel that we have been unfairly treated by someone against our expectations.These are the immediate consequences of hatred. It brings about a very ugly, unpleasant physicaltransformation of the individual. In addition, when such intense anger and hatred arise, it makes the best part ofour brain, which is the ability to judge between right and wrong and assess long-term and short-term

consequences, become totally inoperable. It can no longer function. It is almost as if the person had becomecrazy. These are the negative effects of generating anger and hatred. When we think about these negative anddestructive effects of anger and hatred, we realise that it is necessary to distance ourselves from such emotionalexplosions. Insofar as the destructive effects of anger and hateful thoughts are concerned, one cannot getprotection from wealth; even if one is a millionaire, one is subject to these destructive effects of anger andhatred. Nor can education guarantee that one will be protected from these effects. Similarly, the law cannotguarantee protection. Even nuclear weapons, no matter how sophisticated the defence system may be, cannotgive one protection or defend one from these effects. The only factor that can give refuge or protection from thedestructive effects of anger and hatred is the practice of tolerance and patience."The Dalai Lama fromHealing Anger: The Power of Patience from a Buddhist Perspective:

Question: "Where does hatred come from?"

Dalai Lama : "That is a question which requires long hours of discussion. From the Buddhist viewpoint, thesimple answer is that it is beginningless. As a further explanation, Buddhists believe that there are manydifferent levels of consciousness. The most subtle consciousness is what we consider the basis of the previous life,this life, and future lives. This subtle consciousness is a transient phenomenon which comes about as aconsequence of causes and conditions. Buddhists have concluded that consciousness itself cannot be produced

by matter. Therefore, the only alternative is to accept the continuation of consciousness. So that is the basis ofthe theory of rebirth.

Where there is consciousness, ignorance and hatred also arise naturally. These negative emotions, as well as thepositive emotions, occur r ight from beginningless time. All these are a part of our mind. However, these negativeemotions actually are based on ignorance, which has no valid foundation. None of the negative emotions, nomatter how powerful, have a solid foundation. On the other hand, the positive emotions, such as compassion or

wisdom, have a solid basis: there is a kind of grounding and rootedness in reason and understanding, which isnot the case with afflictive emotions like anger and hatred.

The basic nature of the subtle consciousness itself is something neutral. So it is possible to purify or eliminate allof these negative emotions. That basic nature we call Buddha-nature. Hatred and negative emotions are

beginningless; they have no beginning, but there is an end. Consciousness itself has no beginning and no end; ofthis we are certain."


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^Top of Page

HOW TO TAKE INSULT

From: TheDailyEnlightenment.com Weekly 21/04/05:

On one occasion, the Buddha was invited by the Brahmin Bharadvaja for alms to his house. As invited, the Buddha visited thehouse of the Brahmin. Instead of entertaining Him, the Brahmin poured forth a torrent of abuse with the filthiest of words.The Buddha politely inquired:

"Do visitors come to your house, good Brahmin?""Yes," he replied."What do yu do when they come?""Oh, we prepare a sumptuous feast.""What do you if they refuse to receive the meal?""Why, we gladly partake of them ourselves.""Well, good Brahmin, you have invited me for alms and entertained me with abuse which I decline to accept. Sonow it belongs to you."

From the Akkosa Sutta

The Buddha did not retaliate but politely gave back what the Brahmin had given Him. Retaliate not, the Buddha advised."Hatred does not cease through hatred but through love alone they cease."

PATIENCE - THE MAIN ANTIDOTE

Patience is the main antidote to anger. As common wisdom says: just count to 100... During this time, any of the belowmethods can be effective. The most effective method will depend on the actual situation. Especially in our age of rush andintense change, patience may not be seen as a positive quality, but take a minute to think impatience can easily give rise to ageneral feeling of anger.

Patience is like a beautiful ornament. When you become a person with great patience, it brings a certain element of charm toyour life. You are loved by others, and you give no problems to your friends. You bring an element of joy, happiness, andcalmness to other people's lives - your friends, your family, and the community. You do not have to ask to be accepted;everyone longs for your presence. Everyone looks up to you and respects you, not because you have worked for that orexpected it, not because you were competing for their favor, but simply because of the nature of patience. You are respectedand trusted, and you acquire dignity with the practice of patience. When you are honored, it is with sincerity, and it issomething you can live up to.

"Just hearing about patience does not mean you are experiencing it now or will easily develop it. To lay theground for training the mind, you must first tame the mind. To tame the mind, it is extremely important to dothe basic shamata [tranquility meditation, calm abiding] practice, which develops calmness and tranquility.

Then you can add the practice of patience, understanding the benefits of patience and reminding yourself to takeadvantage of the available antidotes."

FromDharma Paths by Ven. Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche

HANDLING ANGER - APPLYING ANTIDOTES

Below is a summary of various approaches to anger. They obviously will be most efficient when used with a calm andconcentrated mind, either during meditation or at the moment you realize that something needs to be done about your anger.Obviously, the problem during an actual difficult situation is to have a calm and concentrated mind - a regular meditationpractice can be of great help then! One of the best ways to really make progress with understanding and changing thefunctioning of our own mind is to try out analytical meditation, combined with these clues, see also Meditation on Anger.

ANTIDOTE 1 - Patience.Patience is the main antidote to anger. As common wisdom says: just count to 100... During this time, any of the belowmethods can be effective. The most effective method will depend on the actual situation. Especially in our age of rush and

intense change, patience may not be seen as a positive quality, but take a minute to think impatience can easily give rise to ageneral feeling of anger.

ANTIDOTE 2 - Realisation of the Noble Truth of Suffering.Once one understands that problems and frustration is a basic fact of life, it can reduce our impatience with our ownunrealistic expectations. In other words: nothing is perfect, so don't expect it. If I believe that things should be perfect, it isalmost unavoidable to feel disappointed and hurt.

ANTIDOTE 3 - Understanding Karma.As explained in the page on Karma, the real reasons for our problems are our own actions, which are in turn caused by ourown negative states of mind. If someone makes us angry, it can have a sobering effect if we dare to think that the real reasonsfor this situation are our own past actions, and the person is just a circumstance for our own karma to ripen.

ANTIDOTE 4 - Changing or Accepting.Basically, we can find ourselves in two types of unpleasant situations: ones we can change and ones we cannot change.- If I can change the situation, I should do something about it instead of getting all worked-up and angry. Not acting in such a


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situation will cause frustration in the end.- If I cannot change the situation, I will have to accept it. If I don't, it will only lead to frustration and a negative andunpleasant state of mind, which will make the situation only worse.For some reasons unclear to me, Westerners (including myself) appear to have big problems with accepting unpleasantsituations which we cannot change. Could this be a result of impatience (a form of anger) with imperfection (an unrealisticexpectation)?Do consider the wisdom in the following remarks (from an online discussion - forgot the writer.):

"How does this effect my Buddhist practice?It doesn't.These reported events are like an arrow shot at my heart but it lands at my feet.

I choose not to bend over, pick it up, and stab myself with it."

ANTIDOTE 5 - Realistic Analysis.For example: someone accuses me of something.- If it is true, I apparently made a mistake, so I should listen and learn.- If it is untrue, the other person makes a mistake. So what? Nobody is perfect. I also make mistakes, and it is all too easy tolabel the other as "enemy", in which case a helpful discussion or forgiving becomes difficult.It may also be worthwhile searching for the real underlying reason of the problem. Of special importance is to evaluate one'sown role in the situation: my own fears, insecurity, being very unfriendly, or not being blameless (like leaving home much toolate for an appointment and blaming the 5 minutes delay of the train).

ANTIDOTE - Realisation of Emptiness.See the page on Wisdom. To summarise it briefly, if one deeply realises the emptiness of inherent existence orinterdependence of the other person, the situation and oneself, there is nothing to be angry about. The realisation ofemptiness is therefore the ultimate means of ridding oneself of unrealistic negative emotions like anger.

ANTIDOTE 7 - Equanimity.Equanimity means that one realises the basic equality of all sentient beings; others want happiness, just like I do. Others

make mistakes just like I do. Others are confused, angry, attached just like I often am. Is the other person happy in thissituation, or just struggling like I am?

ANTIDOTE 8 - OpennessBe prepared to be open for the motivation of others to do what causes you problems. Talking it over and being prepared tolisten can suddenly make a problem acceptable.Did you ever notice the difference when a plane or train has much delay and nobody gives any reasons for it? People veryquickly become irritated and hostile. Then when the driver or pilot explains there is a technical defect or an accident,suddenly waiting becomes easier.

ANTIDOTE 9 - Relativity.Ask yourself if this situation is actually important enough to spoil your own and other people's mood. Is this problem worthgetting upset in a life where death can hit me at any moment?

ANTIDOTE 10 - Change Your Motivation.In case a situation is really unacceptable, and another person needs to convinced that something is to be done or changed,there is no need to become upset and angry. It is likely much more efficient if you show of understanding and try to make the

other understand the need for change. If one needs to appear angry for some reason to convince the other person of theseriousness of the situation, one can think like a parent acting wrathful to prevent the child from harming itself.In general, to be really effective one needs to reflect on quite a number of aspects in one's own mind like; forgiveness, peace ofmind, fears, self-acceptance (no acceptance of others is really possible without self-acceptance), habits, prejudices etc. A listof aspects to start with is given in the page about the mind, under the 26 non-virtuous mental factors.

ANTIDOTE 11 - Watch Your Hands.An interesting suggestion from Jon Kabat-Zinn, from 'Wherever You Go, There You Are':

"All our hand postures are mudras in that they are associated with subtle or not-so-subtle energies. Take theenergy of the fist, for instance. When we get angry, our hands tend to close into fists. Some people unknowinglypractice this mudra a lot in their lives. It waters the seeds of anger and violence within you ever time you do it,and they respond by sprouting and growing stronger.The next time you find yourself making fists out of anger, try to bring mindfulness to the inner attitudeembodied in a fist. Feel the tension, the hatred, the anger, the aggression, and the fear which it contains. Then,in the midst of your anger, as an experiment, if the person you are angry at is present, try opening your fists andplacing the palms together over your heart in the prayer position right in front of him. (Of course, he won't havethe slightest idea what you are doing.) Notice what happens to the anger and hurt as you hold this position foreven a few moments."

ANTIDOTE 12 - Meditation.Last, but certainly not least, meditation can be the ultimate cure to completely eliminating anger from your mind. In the

beginning, one can do analytical meditations (like this meditation on anger), but also meditation on compassion, love andforgiving reduce anger as well. Ultimately, the realization ofemptiness eradicates all delusions like anger.

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LINKS

Click for a sample meditation on anger; for more meditations, see the List of Sample Meditations.A couple of nice traditional stories on anger can be found at this hundredmountain site.


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Just for fun:

'Being mad' is called so as it is truly mad to be so.Stonepeace

Grant me the stubbornness to change what I can, the laziness to accept what I cannot, and enough beer to sit around and

endlessly discuss the difference between the two.Dick Dunn

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

Steve Bluestone

Anytime you point the finger of blame at someone, remember that there are 4 fingers pointing back at you.?

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