understanding and assessing self esteem

BUILDING SELF ESTEEM WITH YOUR CHILDREN

HAVE HAVEN August 7 , 2012 Foster Parent Training Donna Young, MS, Foster Parent Specialist

HAVE HAVEN

TRAINING OBJECTIVES Examine the nature of self esteem and

where it comes from Recognize the symptoms of high and low

self esteem Examine our own self esteem and how that

may impact on our children Identify a strategy for day to day parenting

that builds our own and our child's self esteem

Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self esteem

WHAT DO WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN?

I want the best for my children I want them to be responsible, happy

and caring I want them to take their place in the

World I want them to have successful

relationships I want them to be productive in whatever

they do and gain satisfaction from it

DEFINITION OF SELF ESTEEM

"Self Esteem is realistic self awareness and a belief that we are basically OK”

“A quiet feeling of self worth”

CORE SELF ESTEEM

CoreSelf Esteem

Self Confidence Self Trust

Self Approval

Self Image

OUR CORE SELF ESTEEM

SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM

Symptoms

= Anxiety

Wish they were someone else

Rarely volunteer

Boast

Panic when faced with a new task

Feel inferior or unworthy

Over dependence onauthority figures

May bully

Lack energy

ATTITUDE – THE FOUNDATION

Value them Spend time with them Respect them Trust them Commit to them Be their role model Be on their side

KEY QUESTIONS (1)

Have I helped them feel good, or at least not bad, about themselves today?

Have I shown that I have understood their feelings and/or their point of view on anything today?

Have I shown any interest in, or asked about, anything they have done today?

KEY QUESTIONS (2)

Have I listened to them with my whole hearted attention at least once?

Will they think I am on their side?

Try to aim for at least one "yes" every day.

PRAISE

Specific

Deed not Doer

Praise

Timing Areas to Improve

ADVANTAGES OF INCREASED EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Increased physical health

Higher academic achievement

Better formed relationships

Less tendency to violent acts

Emotionally healthy

FIVE STEPS TO EMOTIONAL COACHING

Become aware of the child's emotion Recognise the emotion as an

opportunity for intimacy and teaching Put yourself in the child's shoes and

listen, acknowledging the child's feelings

Help to find words to express the emotion

Set limits while exploring ways to solve the problem

WHY DON’T WE LISTEN?

We are pursuing our own line of thought

We are relating it all to our own experience

We switch off because we know what they are going to say

We judge the speaker, labelling everything they are saying instead of listening

POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

“You think you’re so clever”

Put downs

“Actions speak louder than words”

Body language

“You’re so clumsy”

Labelling“Don’t spill it”

Making requests

“Can you hear me?”

Listening

WHY DO WE PUT OUR CHILDREN DOWN?

To say what was said to us when we were young

It is the right thing to do

We are down on our reserves

PROBLEM SOLVING

Describe the situation

Sum up in their words

Generate ideas

Pick one

Confirm if solved

WHAT DOES SELF ESTEEM DO FOR OUR CHILDREN?

Face fewer obstacles to fulfilment The negative opinion of others will not

immobilise them They will not be undone by failure, they

will learn from it They will respect others They will find loving others easier and

have lots of love to give away!

AS PARENTS WE MUST:

Accept ourselves, recognise what we are doing is the best we can

Recognise we have a choice about how to behave as a parent

Share our thoughts, feelings and needs honestly and without fear of judgement

Look after ourselves and ask for and gain support from others

FOUR KEY TENETS FOR PARENTS

To identify our own values

To provide us and our children with a sense of direction

To accept responsibility for guiding and leading our children to adulthood

To avoid the extremes of child rearing fashions and find a sustainable middle way.

TRAINING OBJECTIVES

Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes from

Recognise the symptoms of high and low self esteem

Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on our children

Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our own and our child's self esteem

Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self esteem