the story of the bus

you know you’ve made it when you graduate from bus rides to flights.

unfortunately, i’m not quite there yet.

i’m the exact opposite of a jet setter.

i’m a bus bum.just like this sleeping beauty.

i spent hours on a bus this month.

i live in nyc,but i’m a virginia girl at heart.

and every few weeks, (after listening to a little too much john denver)

i get the itch to go back to the place

where i belong.

[not west] virginia, mountain momma

but traveling ain’t cheap

for those of us living on pipe dreams and string beans

that’s where the beauty of the bus comes in.

One plane ticket to Virginia = four bus tickets to virginia

sounds like a good deal right?

one bus ticket = five-six hours of pure regret

what they don’t tell you:

AND YOU’VE NOW MET EVERY PERSON I’VE EVER SAT NEXT TO ON THE BUS.

imagine YOUR DREAM BUS BUDDY

now picture their opposite

the hair twirler

twelve twirls per minute

the ‘omg’ girl

my soul died before her blackberry battery.

one ‘omg’ to every five ‘likes’

the peanut bladder in the window seat

three pokes on the shoulder per hour

poke. poke. poke.poke. poke. poke.poke. poke. poke.poke. poke. poke.poke. poke. poke.

five hours

the cheap ear bud guy

two old EMINEM ALBUMS

ON REPEAT.

the SOUP MAN

TWO SPILLS AND LOTS OF SLURP, SLURP, SLURPING

CHICKEN NOODLE >TOMATO

??????????????????????????????THE QUESTION LADY

ONE QUICK QUESTION. FOLLOWED BY ONE MORE QUESTION. OH AND ONE MORE. AND LAST ONE.

OH, I FORGOT TO ASK ONE LAST LAST THING.

BY THE TIME YOU GET OFF THE BUS,YOU ARE SO PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTED

FROM THE OVERSTIMULATION OF

BEING SURROUNDED BY CRAZIES

THAT YOU FORGET EVERYTHING

AND THUS CONTINUE TO REPEAT THE CYCLE

OF A BUS BUM.