talking with youth listening with your heart bob lewis sue badeau permanent family connections

Talking With YouthTalking With YouthListening with your heartListening with your heart

Bob Lewis

Sue Badeau

Permanent Family Connections

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Workshop IntroductionWorkshop IntroductionThis is an interactive workshop• Youth development• Permanence Is …• Looking at the Issues• Thinking about a specific youth• Identifiable Tasks• Public media & other Recruitment• Practice Exercise• Wrap-up

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Youth Development for Youth Development for SuccessSuccess

Power

Competence

Usefulness

Belonging

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Permanence is everyone’s jobPermanence is everyone’s job 1. Permanence is for

All Youth2. Permanence

Can Be Created3. Permanence is for

Now 4. Permanence is for

The Future

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Permanence is for the futurePermanence is for the future

• Terry, 19, college

• JD, 20, grandchildren

• Peggy’s daughter, 34, jail

• Lu’s son, 16, RTC

THINK AHEAD 5,10,20 YEARSTHINK AHEAD 5,10,20 YEARS

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Permanence can be createdPermanence can be created

The highest level of physical, legal and emotional safety and security for each youth within a family relationship.

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Permanence Can Be CreatedPermanence Can Be Created• A parent or two – A parenting

relationship with at least one adult• Intent – a mutual understanding that

this relationship is intended to last forever

• Unconditional commitment on the part of the adult

• Participation of all parties in the relationship

• Lifelong and mutual support and involvement

• Intimacy & Belonging

ICBS

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Range of legal connectionsRange of legal connections• Adoption• Guardianship• Custody• Legal Name Change• Other Permanent

Living Arrangement• Adoption deferred to

adulthood

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Comparing legal permanenceComparing legal permanence

• Birth parents rights• Caregiver Rights• Legal Documentation • Decision Making for Child/ren • Relationship with the Birth Parent/s• Financial Assistance• Eligibility for Medicaid • Child’s Legal Name• Inheritance• Returning a Child

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Power

Competence

Usefulness

Belonging

Youth Development for Youth Development for SuccessSuccess

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Identify the Accessible Identify the Accessible Time/Place Time/Place

• The office?

• On the phone?

• Who’s there in the living space?

• Preparing the ground around

• Plant the seeds

• Make opportunities.

• All the time & everywhere

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Listen with RespectListen with Respect

• Listen beyond the words• Repeat actions and

messages of empowerment• Allow for disagreement

without triggering oppositional behavior

• Find areas of agreement• Don’t expect full buy-in• Keep at it

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Know Your Goal and FocusKnow Your Goal and Focus• Talk softly and often about

family connection.• Present thoughts and ideas

for them to consider in their media.

• Partialize the process to the point of acceptance.

• Imagine and help the youth imagine a family connection.

• Don’t expect them to take all the risks.

• Go over it again.

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Using the MediaUsing the Media

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And Your Teen’s View …And Your Teen’s View …What has been his/her experience of

removal and re-removal?

How has s/he experienced the system?

Does s/he have any fears of rejection?

What messages of “independent living” has s/he received?

What is his/her concept of family, and family relationships?

Keep thinking about it.

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Preparing for Family LivingPreparing for Family Living• Deinstitutionalization

• Mutual responsibilities in family living

• Teaching the art of asking questions

• PTSD

• Remembered relationships

• Fantasized relationships

• Hopes and dreams

• Fear of rejection

• Keep teaching about family experiences

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Identifying a Youth’s Identifying a Youth’s NetworkNetwork

• Record search• Asking the youth • Eco-map/Genogram• Remembered people• Asking around• Keep looking

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Preparing a Youth for PublicityPreparing a Youth for Publicity

And other youth-specific family recruitment

Describe the eventExplain your role & the

youth’sPrepare: role play,

practiceDebrief immediatelyStay in touch; continue

to follow up

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Engaging the Youth’s NetworkEngaging the Youth’s Network

• Youth involvement• Invitations• Meetings• Follow up and follow

up

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Mike

Rayleen & Ronald

JamalMarika

Juan

Maya & PJ

ExerciseExercise

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PersistPersist There is no reason to stop.

Weave it into the fabric of your work: whatever else you’re doing, you’re working on permanence.

Have a plan with each youth in your caseload.

Start with a broad plan and get specific in each case.

Return to the broadest focus when necessary.

Focus x Competence x Passion = Adherence