preparing everyone assuming the best building on strengths permanent family connections sue badeau...
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Preparing EveryonePreparing EveryoneAssuming the bestAssuming the best
Building on strengthsBuilding on strengths
Permanent Family Connections
Sue Badeau & Bob Lewis
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Workshop PreviewWorkshop Preview
• Shared parenting
• Who needs to be prepared?
• Issues: yours, mine and ours
• Engaging others in the process
• Group Exercise
• Wrap-up
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All Parenting is SharedAll Parenting is Shared
• How have you or your parents shared How have you or your parents shared parenting?parenting?
• What does shared parenting mean; can you What does shared parenting mean; can you think of another way to say it?think of another way to say it?
• Thinking beyond today and beyond Thinking beyond today and beyond yourself…yourself…
• Tell us about a time when the adult Tell us about a time when the adult relationships in a youth’s life came together relationships in a youth’s life came together to assure permanence.to assure permanence.
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Who needs to be Who needs to be prepared? prepared?
The list grows on• The prospective parents• The child• A youth’s constellation of
contacts,–Professional–Personal
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Even doing our best,Even doing our best,we’ve all got Issues.we’ve all got Issues.
• Professionals– Teachers– Therapists– Social workers– Case managers
• Parents
• Relatives, Siblings
• Present and former caregivers
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ProfessionalsProfessionals IssuesIssues
• No one started out to hurt a kid • Fear of doing so again• Competition & career• No one accepts something new
the first time• AKUD• Share, Educate, Demonstrate• Moving to a place of incompetence• Fear of more losses
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Parents’/Relatives’Parents’/Relatives’ IssuesIssues
LossShameGuilt HurtSelf EsteemDesire to do the right
thingBeliefsFear vs. HopeLimited understanding of
parenting
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Caregivers’Caregivers’ Issues Issues
• Good enough parents• “If I can’t do it nobody
can.”• Competition with the
new/old parent• Safety, protection and risk• Not in my job description –
not the way I was trained• Fear of losing services and
benefits and the “trapdoor”
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Mike
Rayleen & Ronald
JamalMarika
Maya & PJ
Reaching outReaching out
Juan
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FeedbackFeedback
• What worked well?
• What was the most difficult thing for both of you?
• What were you pleased that the other said or did?
• What would you have liked that wasn’t said or done?
• Where would you go from here?
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Engaging OthersEngaging Others
Building a shared family network
• Extended family– Paternal and Maternal
• Caring Adults• Friends• Siblings• All Professionals• Lines of affection
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Role redefinition and Role redefinition and relationshipsrelationships
• Professionals to family • Siblings to cousins• Parents to aunts and uncles• Friends to family• Fluid roles; enduring
relationships
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Contribute not ControlContribute not Control
• As part of the whole network of family
• Friends become the family you chose for yourself
• How do you help if they don’t think they can contribute without controlling?
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Network Engagement Network Engagement ProcessProcess
• Invitation • Youth centered• Personalized • Inclusive• Holistic• Adaptable• Accountable• Ongoing/ready to
reconvene
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Running a MeetingRunning a Meeting
• Break into groups• Assign roles• Take a case from
Persistence or your own
• Identify others to be involved
• Run meeting and report out
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PersistPersist
• Set up a system for contact
• Assume the best• Engage them in the
process• Empower the youth• Focus x competence x
passion = adherence• Persist