show, don't tell

• Have you read a book and found yourself totally involved with the characters – feeling as though you were experiencing what they were – seeing the things they saw, hearing what they heard, feeling what they felt?

• If so, the writer did a great job of SHOWING.

• As a writer, your job is to do the same thing for your readers.

Description

Action

Dialogue

Part I: Make your writing come alive with DESCRIPTION!

Writers who SHOW use specific, rather than general, nouns

General: applying to all or most members of a category or group; somewhat indefinite

Specific: applying to one member of a group; explicit or in detail

Dog (general) (what kind?) or

Dachshund (specific)

“The animal peered out from the vegetation.”

Do you see the picture the writer is describing?

What does the animal look like? What kind of vegetation is it peering from?

The mouse peered The mouse peered out from the tall out from the tall grass.grass.

The lion peered out The lion peered out from between the tree from between the tree trunks.trunks.

Did you see either of these pictures when you read the first general sentence?

The birds looked down from the top of the building.

That person just caught a fish. The animal jumped into the

water. We admired the boy’s new car. They shouted during the entire

game.

It is better to use a specific noun and no adjectives, than to use a general noun with adjectives.

It is better to use adjectives carefully and sparingly and not to over-use them.

It is best to have a specific noun with possibly one well chosen adjective.

The big, fierce, growling dog jumped right over the high, strong fence.

The German Shepherd snarled and jumped right over the six foot Cyclone fence.

Which gives a clearer picture? Which is more enjoyable to read?

People experience things through most or all of their senses: seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, smelling.

Many writers focus only on seeing.Don’t forget the other senses in your writing.

Instead of writing:

The geese flew overhead, making me think of winter to come.

How about this (okay, it’s slightly exaggerated, but you get the idea):

The geese flew overhead in a ragged V formation. Their cheerful honking brought visions of cool winter evenings cuddled in front of a crackling fire. I could almost taste the sweet hot chocolate with little half-melted marshmallows floating on top.

This brings in sight, sound, taste, touch and indirectly smell (fire and hot chocolate).

The children followed the ice cream truck until it stopped.

I walked through the sand, watching the ocean waves come in.

The fire truck raced around the corner and stopped in front of the burning house.

Part II: Make your writing come alive with ACTION!

Nouns paint the picture.Verbs make the picture come alive and

move.

Passive vs Active Verbs

Verbs of being: Is, Was, Are, Were, Will be

Verbs of being are passive. They do not involve action, and lead to vague ideas rather than specific, active scenes.

The little girl was sad when her hamster died.

Each of us knows what we do when we are sad, but do we know what this little girl is doing?

Jim was happy when he opened his report card.

We know what we would do if our report card was better than expected, but what does Jim do? Can you see him?

The little girl sobbed when her hamster died.

The little girl screamed when her hamster died.

Jim danced a victory dance when he opened his report card.

Jim laughed out loud when he opened his report card.

Action verbs tell us what the subject is doing, rather than what the subject is being. They add to the specific imagery – and sensory details of the writing - allowing us to experience along with the subject.

Check your writing for verbs of being – when possible, change them to active verbs.

He was laughing at her mistake and she was hitting him.

or… He laughed at her mistake and she hit

him.

They were watching the movie; after that they were eating at McDonalds.

or… They watched the movie; after that they

ate at McDonalds.

Some action verbs are vague, not specific and not very active. Here are some examples:

•goes-went goes-went •does-diddoes-did•seems-seems-seemedseemed•get-gotget-got•makes-mademakes-made

•walk-walkedwalk-walked•look-lookedlook-looked•give-gavegive-gave•work-workedwork-worked•get-gotget-got

•take-took•start-start-startedstarted•begin-begin-beganbegan•use-used•has-had

Martha went into the swimming pool.‘Went’ is an action verb… but does it give

you much information about how Martha went into the water?

Harry walked on the trail.‘Walked’ is also an action verb, but it is

overused and not very specific. How did Harry walk?

Martha dove into the water. Martha floated

into the water.

Martha splashed into the water!

Harry crawled along the trail.

Harry marched along the trail.

Harry strolled along the trail.

The dragon flew over us. Did it:

Swoop? Flutter? Soar?

Just as with adjectives and nouns, use adverbs sparingly and for effect. Start with a vivid, active verb and then add an adverb only if necessary.

Instead of saying:He talked loudly into the phone.How about: He yelled into the phone.

Instead of saying:She ran quickly to the door.How about:She raced to the door.

Avoid using verbs of being

Avoid using the continuous, or progressive past unless the action happened over a period of time

Avoid using vague verbs

Avoid overusing adverbs

DO use descriptive, vivid and active verbs

The girls went across the street when they saw the others waiting.

Jeff was jealous when he saw his girlfriend talking to the new boy.

Mariah was happy when Ryan asked her to the dance.

When I was younger, my family would go to the beach every summer. We would load up the car and leave early in the morning, and then we would stop for breakfast an hour later. When we got to the beach my mom would unpack while my dad and I would go down to the ocean. Later, we would go out to eat seafood.

Part III: Make your writing come alive with DIALOGUE!

Dialogue adds to the sense of sound because it allows the reader to ‘hear’ the characters talking, rather than being told what the characters are saying.

Janine told Ashley she was hit by a car on her way over.

OR

“I pulled into the intersection,” Janine said, crying. “Right out of nowhere a big black car came and hit me, just like it was aiming at me. I skidded into the ditch and almost turned over. I was so scared! And the other driver just zoomed off and didn’t stop to help.”

Use dialogue to give readers information in an interesting way.

Instead of writing a paragraph telling readers about a bank robbery that happened before your story began, do it with dialogue:

“Did you read about that bank robbery last week?” asked Tanya. “The robbers wore Mickey Mouse masks and got away with almost a million dollars. The police haven’t found any clues at all.”

“That creepy guy at the video arcade loves Mickey Mouse – he always wears Mickey Mouse t-shirts.”

“You’re right. I think we ought to watch him – maybe we can collect the $10,000 reward.”

Use dialogue to show us more about a character.

Instead of telling us that Butch is nervous around girls, show us with dialogue.

“Are you going to the dance tonight?” asked Carolyn.

“Uh, well,” Butch felt his face getting red. “Um, dance? Don’t know. I can’t, don’t – No!” He turned and ran, leaving a surprised Carolyn staring after him.

Avoid using dialogue to say things that don’t move the story forward.

Instead of:

“Hi,” said Meagan.

“Hello,” said Jerome. “How are you?”

“Okay, how about you?”

“I’ve been better but I can’t complain.”

it would be better to simply say:

Meagan and Jerome greeted each other.

and move on with the important and interesting part of the story.

How writers put dialogue on a page is important. If it is not done correctly, readers will be confused.

All words that the speaker says must be enclosed in quotation marks.

The end punctuation of the speaker’s words (periods, question marks, exclamation points) must be placed inside the quotation marks.

Speech tags (he said, she asked) must be outside the quotation marks.

Fred said, "Hi, my name is Fred but you can call me Larry."

"Hi," Fred said, "my name is Fred but you can call me Larry."

"Is your name really Fred or Larry?" Cynthia asked.

Every time a different person speaks, begin a new paragraph.

Use speech tags or actions to make it clear who is

speaking.

Fentmore looked up from the vat. "Help," he cried. Could no one hear him? The maple syrup seemed to be getting warmer. "Really, I need help. I'm in the maple vat," he yelled as loudly as he could.

"Who is that calling?" someone asked.

"Me!“

"Who is me?" the same voice said again.

Use the word ‘said’ as your speech tag most of the time. This is an exception to the advice to use vivid action verbs. Use words like: exclaimed, yelled, argued, questioned rarely and only for emphasis. If only two people are speaking, a speech tag is not necessary every time someone speaks.

"Me is Fentmore. I need help. I fell into the vat of syrup and I think they are cooking it. It's getting pretty hot in here and besides I only like maple syrup on pancakes.“

"If I didn't know it was you, Fentmore, I'd think it was serious, but you're such a joker. Turn off the lights when you leave.“

Fentmore heard the door close just about the same time he recognized the voice as belonging to old Mr. Tottery, a man on whom he played tricks nearly every week.

Look at the ‘telling’ sentences in the next slide. Pick one and turn it into a ‘showing’ paragraph or two... or three.

Use everything you have learned about description, action and dialogue to get your reader involved and experiencing things along with the characters.

They ate like pigs. The kid was a brat. He loves basketball. This was the worst day! She is always there for me.

Now you too have the power to involve your readers in your writing by showing rather

than telling. Use it!

Happy Writing!!!

Created by Barbara Bureker

© 2008