presents: building caring and cooperative relationships whether at work, home or school, set up...

Presents:

Building Caring and Cooperative Relationships

Whether at work, home or school, set up systems that bring out the best in people!

What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?

At the end of this module, you should be able to:

• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus

• Manage relationships in priority order

• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues

• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation

• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs

• Understand why and how to choose empathy

• Practice encouragement for strong relationships

GoalGoal

YOUYOU

YOUYOU

YOUYOUYOUYOU

YOUYOU

YOUYOU

YOUYOU

YOUYOUYOUYOU

YOUYOU

YOUYOU

YOUYOU

Team vs. Working GroupTeam vs. Working GroupTeam vs. Working GroupTeam vs. Working Group

WORKING GROUPAll Individuals CommittedTo a Common Goal

TEAMAll Individuals Committed to a Common Goal and Committed to Assuring all Others Reach their Goals and become

Wildly Successful!

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Team Vs. Work Group Team Vs. Work GroupLetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Team Vs. Work Group Team Vs. Work Group

A Working Group is: ___________________

A Team is: ___________________________

What’s Difference Could This Make?

What’s Difference Could This Make?

How might it be if the TEAM commitment was felt in every encounter? Do you know someone like this? Briefly describe them to the person next to you...

Order of Importance ExerciseOrder of Importance ExerciseOrder of Importance ExerciseOrder of Importance Exercise

Bill GatesBill Gates Dog TrainerDog Trainer Mother TeresaMother Teresa HitlerHitler OprahOprah

Homeless PersonHomeless Person DoctorDoctorKim KardashianKim Kardashian Drug DealerDrug Dealer

Aids PatientAids Patient School TeacherSchool Teacher Pregnant TeenPregnant Teen

Princess DiPrincess Di

Ellen DegeneresEllen Degeneres Jackie RobinsonJackie Robinson

As a team, put yourselves in order of importance...

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The Order of Importance The Order of Importance ExerciseExercise

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The Order of Importance The Order of Importance ExerciseExercise

1. How did you feel doing this exercise?2. What did you learn about yourself?3. How did you play in the group?4. What is your most comfortable role in a group?5. How did you feel in your character?6. Did you discover anything you didn’t expect?

Let’s discuss this as a group

What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?

• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus

• Manage relationships in priority order

• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues

• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation

• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs

• Understand why and how to choose empathy

• Practice encouragement for strong relationships

You are now here in your training session:

To Meet Goals

To encourage

Why Caring and Cooperation?Why Caring and Cooperation?Why Caring and Cooperation?Why Caring and Cooperation?

To HelpWith

Challenges

#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?

Turn to the person next to you and share your answer and why

#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?A Key Human System: Live A Key Human System: Live IntrinsicallyIntrinsically

#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?A Key Human System: Live A Key Human System: Live IntrinsicallyIntrinsically

The first and paramount relationship to manage is with...

Yourself

Should take 1/3 of your time

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Other-Directed

“I have to”

“I ought to”

“I should”

“I need to”

“I can’t ”

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Comply

Resent

I ’m NOT Responsible

Victim

Rebel

Resist

Get Revenge

BELIEF

ATTITUDE

REACTION/RESPONSE

FEELING

BEHAVIOR

Other-Directed

1. Tasks 2. Relationships3. Outcomes

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Comply

Resent

I ’m NOT Responsible

Victim

Rebel

Resist

Get Revenge

BELIEF

ATTITUDE

REACTION/RESPONSE

FEELING

BEHAVIOR

Other-Directed

Here’s an example...

Is she feeling responsible for the

task?

What do you think?What do you think?How clean is the room? How clean is the room?

A+? B? C? C-? D? F?A+? B? C? C-? D? F?

What do you think?What do you think?How clean is the room? How clean is the room?

A+? B? C? C-? D? F?A+? B? C? C-? D? F?

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Comply

Resent

I ’m NOT Responsible

Victim

Rebel

Resist

Get Revenge

BELIEF

ATTITUDE

REACTION/RESPONSE

FEELING

BEHAVIOR

Other-Directed

Is she feeling responsible for her relationship with

mom?

What do you think? What do you think? Is she pondering...Is she pondering...

“I wonder how I got mom to be so frustrated that she felt the need

to issue ultimatums?”

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Comply

Resent

I ’m NOT Responsible

Victim

Rebel

Resist

Get Revenge

BELIEF

ATTITUDE

REACTION/RESPONSE

FEELING

BEHAVIOR

Other-Directed

Is she feeling responsible for her outcomes?

What do you think?What do you think?

Is she telling her friends...Is she telling her friends...

“Gosh, I just put myself into a terrible mood”

or“I decided give up going out with

my friends (I cut off my nose) just to show mom!”

What do you think?What do you think?

Is she telling her friends...Is she telling her friends...

“Gosh, I just put myself into a terrible mood”

or“I decided give up going out with

my friends (I cut off my nose) just to show mom!”

Personal Responsibility Personal Responsibility A Key Human SystemA Key Human System

Personal Responsibility Personal Responsibility A Key Human SystemA Key Human System

BELIEF

Comply

Resent

I ’m NOT Responsible

Victim

Rebel

Resist

Get Revenge

I ’m Responsible

Accept Consequences

Accountable

Agree

Self-Directed

Other-Directed

BEHAVIOR

FEELING

REACTION/RESPONSE

ATTITUDE

BELIEF1. What am I feeling?

2. What do I want?

++ --

Disagree

3rd Option/Negotiate

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Personal ResponsibilityPersonal Responsibility

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Personal ResponsibilityPersonal Responsibility

Why is the information on this chart so important?

What are some of the side-effects when people are in Other-Directed?

What are some things you can try if someone is not Self-Directed; not in alignment?

What can you do to recognize if you are not in Self-Directed and shift it?

2 Key Questions: What am I feeling? What do I want?

#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?

Turn to a different person near you, share your answer and why

Authority Figures

Superiors

The second most important relationship to manage is with your...

#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?

Should take 1/4 of your time

What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?

• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus

• Manage relationships in priority order

• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues

• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation

• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs

• Understand why and how to choose empathy

• Practice encouragement for strong relationships

You are now here in your training session:

How we see others:InconsiderateA Poor LeaderInsensitiveControllingUnappreciative

How we see our self: A VictimHard-workingRight/GoodGenerousFair/Sensitive

Self-Betrayal

Choices

Honor Myself

I am Self-Deceived

When I betray myself, I inadvertently do harm

I Inflate others’ faultsI Inflate my virtuesI put on an ideal imageI blame othersI’m angry and resentfulI poison the well

When I When I Betray Me, I Betray You Me, I Betray YouWhen I When I Betray Me, I Betray You Me, I Betray You

BELIEF

ATTITUDE

RESPONSE

FEELING

BEHAVIOR

Other-Directed

Self-Directed

Other-DirectedAligned

White – Black Men – Women Adults - Children Management – Labor

S

i

s

I

Fear Hostility Revenge

Resentment Anger

WIN

WIN

LOSE

LOSE

Power = Authority

Power = Rebellion

Why We Have Authority IssuesWhy We Have Authority IssuesWhy We Have Authority IssuesWhy We Have Authority Issues

Other-Directed

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Superior/Inferior, Win/LoseSuperior/Inferior, Win/Lose

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Superior/Inferior, Win/LoseSuperior/Inferior, Win/Lose

How, when and with whom, do you keep yourself in a lesser, inferior and powerless position?

How, when and with whom, do you keep yourself in an inflated, superior and powerful position?

How can we create mutual respect, equality and win/win dynamics no matter what our titles or roles?

#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?

Turn to a different person near you, share your answer and why

The third most important relationship to manage is with your...

#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?

Peers

Should take 1/4 of your time

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Office Politics Office PoliticsLetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Office Politics Office Politics

Office Politics: the misuse of power within an organization or relationship for the pursuit of agendas and self-interest without regard to their effect on the organization's or people’s efforts to achieve its goals.

How do you see this playing out?

What happens when relationships are not caring and cooperative?

What do you say What do you say we take a we take a

10 minute break?10 minute break?

What do you say What do you say we take a we take a

10 minute break?10 minute break?

What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?

• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus

• Manage relationships in priority order

• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues

• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation

• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs

• Understand why and how to choose empathy

• Practice encouragement for strong relationships

You are now here in your training session:

2. Chaos: We experience our differences and try to eliminate them. We use control, pressure. (We try to fix, convert or heal others).

Note: it’s helpful to remember chaos is a step forward

1. Pseudo-Community: We avoid conflict, unpleasantness, problems, “bad” feelings. We act as if we all agree and think alike. (fake, inauthentic, boring, safe)

4 Stages to Caring 4 Stages to Caring and Cooperative Relationshipsand Cooperative Relationships

4 Stages to Caring 4 Stages to Caring and Cooperative Relationshipsand Cooperative Relationships

3. Empty: We start opening to each other in new ways. We really listen; we stop trying to control, fix, convert, and heal others. (recognition, receptivity, respect, disclosure)

4. True Community: Due to no pressure and new receptivity, then trust, caring, authentic community result. (straightforwardness, honesty, follow-through, and seeking excellence)

4 Stages to Caring and 4 Stages to Caring and Cooperative RelationshipsCooperative Relationships4 Stages to Caring and 4 Stages to Caring and

Cooperative RelationshipsCooperative Relationships

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The 4 Stages The 4 StagesLetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The 4 Stages The 4 Stages

Why do you think so many of us get stuck in chaos?

What do you think empty looks and feels like? Can you recall a time when you were in empty? What happened and how did it feel?

The RabbiThe Rabbi’’s Gifts GiftThe RabbiThe Rabbi’’s Gifts Gift

What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?

• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus

• Manage relationships in priority order

• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues

• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation

• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs

• Understand why and how to choose empathy

• Practice encouragement for strong relationships

You are now here in your training session:

EmpoweredEmpowered LovableLovable

Connected Connected ContributingContributing

We All Have 4 Core NeedsWe All Have 4 Core NeedsA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

We All Have 4 Core NeedsWe All Have 4 Core NeedsA Key Human SystemA Key Human System

We are social: To behave well, all people need to feel...

It’s very important to promote communications and experiences in which people feel empowered, lovable, connected and contributing.

Of the 4 core needs:1.Which two are easiest to nurture and support and why?2.What one is most difficult to nurture and support? Why?3.What practices can you adopt to foster all 4 for yourself? 4.Which practices can you adopt to foster them for others?5.What practices can you remove or cease that decrease or prevent the fulfillment of the 4 core needs?

EmpoweredEmpowered LovableLovable

Connected Connected ContributingContributing

LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The 4 Core Needs The 4 Core NeedsLetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The 4 Core Needs The 4 Core Needs

Discuss as a group

What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?

• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus

• Manage relationships in priority order

• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues

• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation

• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs

• Understand why and how to choose empathy

• Practice encouragement for strong relationships

You are now here in your training session:

The Empathy ExerciseThe Empathy ExerciseThe Empathy ExerciseThe Empathy Exercise

1. Share what you are specifically critical of in another, including the quality of character you dislike or judge in him or her?

2. Next share: “How are you exactly like this person including this quality of character you feel very critical about?”

3. Finish the following: “When he behaves this way, I can’t help wondering if he might want to feel more empowered, lovable, connected and contributing because …”

4. Next, say, “Seeing how you and I are so alike, I have compassion for you because….”

5. Next, think of some of the best things about this person, picturing them at their best, remembering how glad you are that they are in your life. Using your partner as a stand-in, tell him/her how and why you care.

As a group, briefly share feelings and thoughts about this process.

The Babemba TribeThe Babemba TribeThe Babemba TribeThe Babemba Tribe

Discussion: What would our world be like if we followed the code of the Babemba tribe?

What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?

• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus

• Manage relationships in priority order

• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues

• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation

• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs

• Understand why and how to choose empathy

• Practice encouragement for strong relationships

You are now here in your training session:

EncouragementEncouragementEncouragementEncouragement

“Humans need encouragement much like plants need water…

…we constantly encourage or discourage those around us and thereby contribute materially to their greater or lesser ability to function.”

Rudolf Dreikurs Dreikurs

Why Encouragement?Why Encouragement?Why Encouragement?Why Encouragement?

“Inferiority feelings rule the mental life and can be clearly recognized in the sense of deficiency and dissatisfaction, and in uninterrupted struggles both within individuals and humanity.”

Alfred Adler, Psychiatrist, 1870-1937

It’s one of the most important things we can do to help

Encouragement StrategiesEncouragement StrategiesEncouragement StrategiesEncouragement Strategies

EncouragementFeast

EncouragementFlooding

““Many men and women are anxious Many men and women are anxious to improve their circumstances but to improve their circumstances but unwilling to improve themselves.unwilling to improve themselves.””

As a Man ThinkethAs a Man ThinkethJames AllenJames Allen

Are you willing?Are you willing?

Questions?Questions?Or feel free to share anything you Or feel free to share anything you learned at todaylearned at today’’s workshop that s workshop that

you value the mostyou value the most

Questions?Questions?Or feel free to share anything you Or feel free to share anything you learned at todaylearned at today’’s workshop that s workshop that

you value the mostyou value the most