presents: building caring and cooperative relationships whether at work, home or school, set up...
TRANSCRIPT
Presents:
Building Caring and Cooperative Relationships
Whether at work, home or school, set up systems that bring out the best in people!
What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?
At the end of this module, you should be able to:
• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus
• Manage relationships in priority order
• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues
• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation
• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs
• Understand why and how to choose empathy
• Practice encouragement for strong relationships
GoalGoal
YOUYOU
YOUYOU
YOUYOUYOUYOU
YOUYOU
YOUYOU
YOUYOU
YOUYOUYOUYOU
YOUYOU
YOUYOU
YOUYOU
Team vs. Working GroupTeam vs. Working GroupTeam vs. Working GroupTeam vs. Working Group
WORKING GROUPAll Individuals CommittedTo a Common Goal
TEAMAll Individuals Committed to a Common Goal and Committed to Assuring all Others Reach their Goals and become
Wildly Successful!
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Team Vs. Work Group Team Vs. Work GroupLetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Team Vs. Work Group Team Vs. Work Group
A Working Group is: ___________________
A Team is: ___________________________
What’s Difference Could This Make?
What’s Difference Could This Make?
How might it be if the TEAM commitment was felt in every encounter? Do you know someone like this? Briefly describe them to the person next to you...
Order of Importance ExerciseOrder of Importance ExerciseOrder of Importance ExerciseOrder of Importance Exercise
Bill GatesBill Gates Dog TrainerDog Trainer Mother TeresaMother Teresa HitlerHitler OprahOprah
Homeless PersonHomeless Person DoctorDoctorKim KardashianKim Kardashian Drug DealerDrug Dealer
Aids PatientAids Patient School TeacherSchool Teacher Pregnant TeenPregnant Teen
Princess DiPrincess Di
Ellen DegeneresEllen Degeneres Jackie RobinsonJackie Robinson
As a team, put yourselves in order of importance...
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The Order of Importance The Order of Importance ExerciseExercise
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The Order of Importance The Order of Importance ExerciseExercise
1. How did you feel doing this exercise?2. What did you learn about yourself?3. How did you play in the group?4. What is your most comfortable role in a group?5. How did you feel in your character?6. Did you discover anything you didn’t expect?
Let’s discuss this as a group
What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?
• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus
• Manage relationships in priority order
• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues
• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation
• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs
• Understand why and how to choose empathy
• Practice encouragement for strong relationships
You are now here in your training session:
To Meet Goals
To encourage
Why Caring and Cooperation?Why Caring and Cooperation?Why Caring and Cooperation?Why Caring and Cooperation?
To HelpWith
Challenges
#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?
Turn to the person next to you and share your answer and why
#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?A Key Human System: Live A Key Human System: Live IntrinsicallyIntrinsically
#1 Relationship to Manage?#1 Relationship to Manage?A Key Human System: Live A Key Human System: Live IntrinsicallyIntrinsically
The first and paramount relationship to manage is with...
Yourself
Should take 1/3 of your time
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Other-Directed
“I have to”
“I ought to”
“I should”
“I need to”
“I can’t ”
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Comply
Resent
I ’m NOT Responsible
Victim
Rebel
Resist
Get Revenge
BELIEF
ATTITUDE
REACTION/RESPONSE
FEELING
BEHAVIOR
Other-Directed
1. Tasks 2. Relationships3. Outcomes
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Comply
Resent
I ’m NOT Responsible
Victim
Rebel
Resist
Get Revenge
BELIEF
ATTITUDE
REACTION/RESPONSE
FEELING
BEHAVIOR
Other-Directed
Here’s an example...
Is she feeling responsible for the
task?
What do you think?What do you think?How clean is the room? How clean is the room?
A+? B? C? C-? D? F?A+? B? C? C-? D? F?
What do you think?What do you think?How clean is the room? How clean is the room?
A+? B? C? C-? D? F?A+? B? C? C-? D? F?
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Comply
Resent
I ’m NOT Responsible
Victim
Rebel
Resist
Get Revenge
BELIEF
ATTITUDE
REACTION/RESPONSE
FEELING
BEHAVIOR
Other-Directed
Is she feeling responsible for her relationship with
mom?
What do you think? What do you think? Is she pondering...Is she pondering...
“I wonder how I got mom to be so frustrated that she felt the need
to issue ultimatums?”
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal ResponsibilityA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Comply
Resent
I ’m NOT Responsible
Victim
Rebel
Resist
Get Revenge
BELIEF
ATTITUDE
REACTION/RESPONSE
FEELING
BEHAVIOR
Other-Directed
Is she feeling responsible for her outcomes?
What do you think?What do you think?
Is she telling her friends...Is she telling her friends...
“Gosh, I just put myself into a terrible mood”
or“I decided give up going out with
my friends (I cut off my nose) just to show mom!”
What do you think?What do you think?
Is she telling her friends...Is she telling her friends...
“Gosh, I just put myself into a terrible mood”
or“I decided give up going out with
my friends (I cut off my nose) just to show mom!”
Personal Responsibility Personal Responsibility A Key Human SystemA Key Human System
Personal Responsibility Personal Responsibility A Key Human SystemA Key Human System
BELIEF
Comply
Resent
I ’m NOT Responsible
Victim
Rebel
Resist
Get Revenge
I ’m Responsible
Accept Consequences
Accountable
Agree
Self-Directed
Other-Directed
BEHAVIOR
FEELING
REACTION/RESPONSE
ATTITUDE
BELIEF1. What am I feeling?
2. What do I want?
++ --
Disagree
3rd Option/Negotiate
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Personal ResponsibilityPersonal Responsibility
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Personal ResponsibilityPersonal Responsibility
Why is the information on this chart so important?
What are some of the side-effects when people are in Other-Directed?
What are some things you can try if someone is not Self-Directed; not in alignment?
What can you do to recognize if you are not in Self-Directed and shift it?
2 Key Questions: What am I feeling? What do I want?
#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?
Turn to a different person near you, share your answer and why
Authority Figures
Superiors
The second most important relationship to manage is with your...
#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?#2 Relationship to Manage?
Should take 1/4 of your time
What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?
• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus
• Manage relationships in priority order
• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues
• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation
• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs
• Understand why and how to choose empathy
• Practice encouragement for strong relationships
You are now here in your training session:
How we see others:InconsiderateA Poor LeaderInsensitiveControllingUnappreciative
How we see our self: A VictimHard-workingRight/GoodGenerousFair/Sensitive
Self-Betrayal
Choices
Honor Myself
I am Self-Deceived
When I betray myself, I inadvertently do harm
I Inflate others’ faultsI Inflate my virtuesI put on an ideal imageI blame othersI’m angry and resentfulI poison the well
When I When I Betray Me, I Betray You Me, I Betray YouWhen I When I Betray Me, I Betray You Me, I Betray You
BELIEF
ATTITUDE
RESPONSE
FEELING
BEHAVIOR
Other-Directed
Self-Directed
Other-DirectedAligned
White – Black Men – Women Adults - Children Management – Labor
S
i
s
I
Fear Hostility Revenge
Resentment Anger
WIN
WIN
LOSE
LOSE
Power = Authority
Power = Rebellion
Why We Have Authority IssuesWhy We Have Authority IssuesWhy We Have Authority IssuesWhy We Have Authority Issues
Other-Directed
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Superior/Inferior, Win/LoseSuperior/Inferior, Win/Lose
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Superior/Inferior, Win/LoseSuperior/Inferior, Win/Lose
How, when and with whom, do you keep yourself in a lesser, inferior and powerless position?
How, when and with whom, do you keep yourself in an inflated, superior and powerful position?
How can we create mutual respect, equality and win/win dynamics no matter what our titles or roles?
#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?
Turn to a different person near you, share your answer and why
The third most important relationship to manage is with your...
#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?#3 Management Responsibility?
Peers
Should take 1/4 of your time
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Office Politics Office PoliticsLetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: Office Politics Office Politics
Office Politics: the misuse of power within an organization or relationship for the pursuit of agendas and self-interest without regard to their effect on the organization's or people’s efforts to achieve its goals.
How do you see this playing out?
What happens when relationships are not caring and cooperative?
What do you say What do you say we take a we take a
10 minute break?10 minute break?
What do you say What do you say we take a we take a
10 minute break?10 minute break?
What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?
• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus
• Manage relationships in priority order
• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues
• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation
• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs
• Understand why and how to choose empathy
• Practice encouragement for strong relationships
You are now here in your training session:
2. Chaos: We experience our differences and try to eliminate them. We use control, pressure. (We try to fix, convert or heal others).
Note: it’s helpful to remember chaos is a step forward
1. Pseudo-Community: We avoid conflict, unpleasantness, problems, “bad” feelings. We act as if we all agree and think alike. (fake, inauthentic, boring, safe)
4 Stages to Caring 4 Stages to Caring and Cooperative Relationshipsand Cooperative Relationships
4 Stages to Caring 4 Stages to Caring and Cooperative Relationshipsand Cooperative Relationships
3. Empty: We start opening to each other in new ways. We really listen; we stop trying to control, fix, convert, and heal others. (recognition, receptivity, respect, disclosure)
4. True Community: Due to no pressure and new receptivity, then trust, caring, authentic community result. (straightforwardness, honesty, follow-through, and seeking excellence)
4 Stages to Caring and 4 Stages to Caring and Cooperative RelationshipsCooperative Relationships4 Stages to Caring and 4 Stages to Caring and
Cooperative RelationshipsCooperative Relationships
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The 4 Stages The 4 StagesLetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The 4 Stages The 4 Stages
Why do you think so many of us get stuck in chaos?
What do you think empty looks and feels like? Can you recall a time when you were in empty? What happened and how did it feel?
The RabbiThe Rabbi’’s Gifts GiftThe RabbiThe Rabbi’’s Gifts Gift
What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?
• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus
• Manage relationships in priority order
• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues
• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation
• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs
• Understand why and how to choose empathy
• Practice encouragement for strong relationships
You are now here in your training session:
EmpoweredEmpowered LovableLovable
Connected Connected ContributingContributing
We All Have 4 Core NeedsWe All Have 4 Core NeedsA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
We All Have 4 Core NeedsWe All Have 4 Core NeedsA Key Human SystemA Key Human System
We are social: To behave well, all people need to feel...
It’s very important to promote communications and experiences in which people feel empowered, lovable, connected and contributing.
Of the 4 core needs:1.Which two are easiest to nurture and support and why?2.What one is most difficult to nurture and support? Why?3.What practices can you adopt to foster all 4 for yourself? 4.Which practices can you adopt to foster them for others?5.What practices can you remove or cease that decrease or prevent the fulfillment of the 4 core needs?
EmpoweredEmpowered LovableLovable
Connected Connected ContributingContributing
LetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The 4 Core Needs The 4 Core NeedsLetLet’’s Discuss:s Discuss: The 4 Core Needs The 4 Core Needs
Discuss as a group
What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?
• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus
• Manage relationships in priority order
• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues
• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation
• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs
• Understand why and how to choose empathy
• Practice encouragement for strong relationships
You are now here in your training session:
The Empathy ExerciseThe Empathy ExerciseThe Empathy ExerciseThe Empathy Exercise
1. Share what you are specifically critical of in another, including the quality of character you dislike or judge in him or her?
2. Next share: “How are you exactly like this person including this quality of character you feel very critical about?”
3. Finish the following: “When he behaves this way, I can’t help wondering if he might want to feel more empowered, lovable, connected and contributing because …”
4. Next, say, “Seeing how you and I are so alike, I have compassion for you because….”
5. Next, think of some of the best things about this person, picturing them at their best, remembering how glad you are that they are in your life. Using your partner as a stand-in, tell him/her how and why you care.
As a group, briefly share feelings and thoughts about this process.
The Babemba TribeThe Babemba TribeThe Babemba TribeThe Babemba Tribe
Discussion: What would our world be like if we followed the code of the Babemba tribe?
What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn? What Will You Learn?
• Decide what and how to adopt a caring focus
• Manage relationships in priority order
• Address the impacts of poor alignment with self and how to overcome authority issues
• Move through unproductive stages to those that build caring and cooperation
• Create conditions and relationships that satisfy four core human needs
• Understand why and how to choose empathy
• Practice encouragement for strong relationships
You are now here in your training session:
EncouragementEncouragementEncouragementEncouragement
“Humans need encouragement much like plants need water…
…we constantly encourage or discourage those around us and thereby contribute materially to their greater or lesser ability to function.”
Rudolf Dreikurs Dreikurs
Why Encouragement?Why Encouragement?Why Encouragement?Why Encouragement?
“Inferiority feelings rule the mental life and can be clearly recognized in the sense of deficiency and dissatisfaction, and in uninterrupted struggles both within individuals and humanity.”
Alfred Adler, Psychiatrist, 1870-1937
It’s one of the most important things we can do to help
Encouragement StrategiesEncouragement StrategiesEncouragement StrategiesEncouragement Strategies
EncouragementFeast
EncouragementFlooding
““Many men and women are anxious Many men and women are anxious to improve their circumstances but to improve their circumstances but unwilling to improve themselves.unwilling to improve themselves.””
As a Man ThinkethAs a Man ThinkethJames AllenJames Allen
Are you willing?Are you willing?
Questions?Questions?Or feel free to share anything you Or feel free to share anything you learned at todaylearned at today’’s workshop that s workshop that
you value the mostyou value the most
Questions?Questions?Or feel free to share anything you Or feel free to share anything you learned at todaylearned at today’’s workshop that s workshop that
you value the mostyou value the most