on handling critical conversations

WELCOME TO THE WORKSHOP

ON “CRITICAL CONVERSATION

S”Hotel Karl Residency

26 Sep 2014

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”

George Bernard Shaw

OBJECTIVES Be Able to Define What a Critical Conversation is.

Know Your Style Under Stress

Have a Basic Understanding of the Critical Conversations process

Understand how well- handled Critical Conversations enhance personal productivity and productivity at the workplace

SOME FACTS--- Research has revealed that most

organizations are losing between 20 and 80 percent of their potential performers because of leaders’ and employees’ inability to master critical conversations

Poorly handled critical conversations have resulted in:

Sapping of organizational performance by 20 to 50 percent

Accounted for up to 90 percent of divorces.

Shuttle Columbia Crew

What is a Critical Conversation

“A face to face accountability discussion”

Opposing opinions

Critical Conversations

Strong Emotions

High Stakes

Critical Conversations

SITUATIONS WHERE CONVERSATIONS CAN TURN CRITICAL

Ending a relationship Talking with a coworker who behaves

offensively Asking a friend to repay dues Giving a boss feedback about his

behaviour Dealing with a rebellious teen Talking to a team member who is not

keeping commitments Discussing problems related to intimacy

Why Critical Conversations occur?

WHY? Missed deadlines Broken rules Failed promises Bad behaviours Breach of contracts Not walking the talk

WELL HANDLED CRITICAL CONVERSATIONS RESULT IN-- Permanent resolutions to failed

promises and missed deadlines Transform broken rules and bad

behaviours into productivity and accountability

Strengthen relationships Solve problems

TYPICAL HANDLING INVOLVES--- Avoid Face them- handle them well Face them- handle them poorly

HOW DO YOU REACT?

Silently?

BY--- Dropping hints? Changing subject? Not replying? Withdrawing from the interaction? Just going along Sugarcoat Sulk

AT ORGANIZATIONAL LEVEL Fact free planning AWOL sponsors Project chicken Skirting the issue Team failure

Or--Violently?

BY--- Cutting people off? Overstating arguments? Attack ideas? Harsh debate tactics? Insults and threats? personal attacks?

HANDLING CRITICAL CONVERSATIONS

Part II

# 1 GET UNSTUCK

Spot the conversations that are keeping you stuck

TALK ABOUTContentPatternRelationship

Make it Motivating

Make it Easy

STEPS TO HANDLING CRITICAL CONVERSATIONS Before- identify the right problem and

take charge of your emotions During- describe the problem, decide if

it is motivation/ ability/ both make it easy and motivating, stay on track

After- decide if the problem is resolved, set action plans, follow up

WHEN NOT TO SPEAK UP If the problem is small If the problem wont happen again If the problem does not have a

significant impact If no one else cares one way or the

other

WHEN TO SPEAK UP If by not talking about it you will act

about it You have a pattern of going into silence You are telling yourself you are helpless You are struggling with your conscience You deeply care about it

REMEMBER----

“Its not how you play the game- its how the game plays you”

# 2 START WITH THE HEART

Manage yourself Focus on what you really want

Refuse the fools choice

#3 LEARN TO LOOK Look for signs when the conversation is

going to turn crucial Body language Tone Expressions Style under stress

#4 MAKE IT SAFE Apologies Contrast Mutual purpose

#5 MASTER YOUR STORIES The stories we tell ourselves about

others are critical We are a narrative people Knowing our stories keeps our hearts

and minds in control Avoid fundamental attribution error Analyse your stories Identify your role in the problem/solution

#6 STATE YOUR PATH Speak persuasively not abrasively Start with safety Ask for facts Avoid emotional or sensitive words Share your story End with a question- “what exactly

happened?”

#7 EXPLORE OTHERS’PATHS Make things motivating-

motivation=productive energy Avoid use of power unless unavoidable Clarify natural consequences Link to a persons sense of self Show a mirror Connect to existing carrots and sticks focus on long term benefits

#8 MOVE TO ACTION-FOLLOW UP Who What When Follow up( on the precise issue)

BUT---

What about the more difficult cases??

“Our lives begin to end the day we are silent about things that matter”

Martin Luther King Jr