managing difficult behaviors short version

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Behavior Management Strategies

Practical Techniques for Working with Difficult and Disruptive

Children and Adolescents

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7 Principles of Child and Adolescent Behavior

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7 Principles of Child and Adolescent Behavior

1. All people are: social, creative, decision-making beings who have a unified purpose.

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7 Principles of Child and Adolescent Behavior

2. Each person, no matter how young, decides how he or she will approach life tasks.

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7 Principles of Child and Adolescent Behavior

3. All behavior has a purpose.

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7 Principles of Child and Adolescent Behavior

4. Behavior can best be understood in relation to what a child or adolescent values and wants to achieve.

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7 Principles of Child and Adolescent Behavior

5. Most children and adolescents state they do not understand their behavior or motives.

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7 Principles of Child and Adolescent Behavior

6. Closer inspection reveals that individuals often understand more than they willingly admit.

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7 Principles of Child and Adolescent Behavior

7. Whether children and adolescents make accurate assessments or not they will act and behave according to those assessments.

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Behavioral Principle #1

• You cannot make anyone do what he or she does not want to do

• Accepting this principle helps to accomplish the following:

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Behavioral Principle #1

1. Frees us of the burden to do the impossible: control another human being

2. Clarifies the first step in attempting to influence someone else’s behavior: we must accept responsibility for and often change our own attitude and behavior first.

3. Understand and respect the child or adolescent for making the best choices he or she can under the circumstances, as he or she perceives them.

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Behavioral Principle #1

4. Realize that children attempt to make a place for themselves by whatever means available to them, whether their behavior is socially useful or not.

5. Understand that when children misbehave, it is an outward sign of their internal discouragement.

6. Commit to helping children learn self-discipline and cooperation by friendly participation in the daily tasks we all must fulfill.

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Behavioral Principle #1

7. Changing our behavior changes the alternatives open to the child, then he or she must decide anew how to respond.

8. Remember that cooperation requires mutual respect and understanding.

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Behavioral Principle #2

• Even the angry person needs someone with whom to fight!– Extricate yourself from power struggles– Take the sail out of their wind– The magic in giving choices often astounds

people

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Behavioral Principle #3

Without a future, there is no disciplineFutures are built around life goals: being able to

imagine future possibilities!

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Five Life Goals

1. Friendship: relating to others

2. Work: making a contribution

3. Love/Family: achieving intimacy

4. Self-acceptance: getting along with ourselves

5. Spirituality:values, meaning, goals, relationship with the universe

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The Goals of Misbehavior

• Attention– I only really count when others notice and/or serve me.

• Power– I only really count when others know I can do what I want to do.

• Revenge– I can’t be liked but I can hurt others and then they’ll know I count,

too!

• Proving Inadequacy or Assumed Disability– I’m stupid, inadequate, really hopeless, so why try—don’t expect

anything from me. Trying will only prove it to everyone.

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Behavioral Principle #4

Children are keen observers but lousy interpreters

Children and adolescents are often not generally aware of the purposes of their actions.

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Identifying the goals of misbehavior: the first step towards choosing corrective action

1. What did the child do?2. What did you do?3. How did he or she respond to your action?4. How did you feel?5. The question to ask: Could it be? 6. Look for the recognition reflex: a no, a

slight turning up of the lips, a smile, a knowing nod.

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Children’s Disruptive Behavior

• Correcting with Care– Catch yourself! Just Stop!– Assess: Goals (Ignore, Extricate, Escape)– Respond:

• Encouragement

• Consequences

– Evaluate

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Results of Encouragement

1. Cooperation

2. Responsibility

3. Good humor

4. Creativity

5. Risk-taking

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The Four R’s

• RESPECT: Mutual respect is essential

• REASON: Reason must prevail over conflict

• RESPONSIBILITY: goes both ways

• RELATION: faith and confidence

• Solutions must be respectful, reasonable, responsible, and relational

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Encouragement Goals

1. Internal center of control

2. Behavior that is responsible

3. Positive Self-esteem

4. Learning to negotiate

5. Spirit of cooperation

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Rewards vs. Encouragement

1. Intrinsic vs. extrinsic locus

2. Deed vs. Doer

3. What vs. why or how

4. Presence vs. stimulus action

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Rules for Meetings

1. Equality

2. Belonging (having a stake)

3. Participation

4. Respect

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Healthy Families

• Democratic in nature

• Few rules

• Expressed appreciation and valuing

• Negotiation vs. ultimatum

• Limits