presents:

Managing Difficult

Personalities

A Workshop for School Facility Managers’

Personnel Management AcademyDecember 2010

presenter:

Alan Krieger, Krieger Solutions, LLC

www.kriegersolutions.com

Workshop Goals

What makes people difficult /causes

conflict

Conflict prevention strategies

Refocus goals with difficult people

Use communication skills

Adapt their own communication

Understand how differences in style

impact motivation

What Makes a Person “Difficult”?

Disrupts the staff from doing their job

And thereby negatively impacts productivity

Makes the staff and/or customers uncomfortable

And puts the organization at risk

It is this negative impact of the behavior that is the problem.

The Goal in Dealing with DP

1. Reduce the negative impact, AND

2. Have the person be as satisfied as possible

The goal is NOT to change the DP’s personality or have them see the “truth”.

Three Keys to Dealing with DP

A. Understanding conflict

B. Communication skills

C. Problem solving strategies

Different Styles, Different Communication Focus

TASK ORIENTED

Tells T

Get things done

Wants: Results / Autonomy

Likes: Short, quick, direct conversations

Dislikes: Indecision, Work not getting done

Analyzes A

Get things right

Wants: Accuracy / Details

Likes: Answers; Time for questions/discussions

Dislikes: Poor quality / Rushed decisions

Engages E

Do it differently

Wants: Meaning / Creativity

Likes: Opportunity to talk; to

persuade; to change

Dislikes: Routine, rigidity,

Isolation

Mediates M

Do it together

Wants: Teamwork / Harmony

Likes: Being friendly, Taking

a personal interest in coworkers

Dislikes: Conflict / Rapid change

PEOPLE ORIENTED

S L

O

W

E

R

P

A

C

E

D

F

A

S

T

E

R

P

A

C

E

D

Difficult Styles

How the styles degrade

TASK ORIENTED

Analyzes A

Detail person

Slow to make decisions

Perfectionist

Tells T

Decisive

Director

Autocrat

Mediates M

Support/Relate

Buckle under

Passive

Engages E

Influencer

Entertainer

Distracter

PEOPLE ORIENTED

F

A

S

T

E

R

P

A

C

E

D

S

L

O

W

E

R

P

A

C

E

D

Difficult Styles

TASK ORIENTED

Perfectionist A

Get things right

Wants: Complete accuracy / Too much detail

Likes: Answers; Time for extensive discussions

Dislikes: Poor quality / Rushed decisions

Autocrat T

Get things done

Wants: Control / Results

Likes: Short, quick, direct conversations

Dislikes: Chaos, inaction

Passive person M

Do it together

Wants: Approval / Harmony

Likes: Being friendly, Treated very politely

Dislikes: Angering others / Any change

Distracter E

Do it differently

Wants: Attention / Creativity

Likes: Opportunity to talk; to persuade; to change

Dislikes: Rigidity, Being out of the spotlight

PEOPLE ORIENTED

F

A

S

T

E

R

P

A

C

E

D

S

L

O

W

E

R

P

A

C

E

D

CONFLICT DIAGRAM

SOURCE OF CONFLICT

Limited Resources Different Values

Time Someone’s individual Convictions

Money needs don’t get met: Priorities

Equipment accuracy Styles

action

collegiality

creativity

CONFLICT

One or both parties feel:- powerless

-disrespected

- not appreciated

- fearful -over stressed

- treated unfairly

CONFLICT

RESPONSES TO CONFLICT

Avoidance Aggression Communication

Withdrawal Threats Respect

Ignoring Anger Understanding

Denial Retaliation Resolution

POSITION: The desired solution someone

brings to the discussion.

INTEREST: The desired result the person is looking for.

COMMON GROUND:Points of view on which two people agree.

IMPORTANT CONCEPT:

People don’t change easily.

It’s hard to take away something that is part of them.

It’s hard to put in something that isn’t there.

Work with what you have and find the hidden assets.

Discussion questions:

1. Pat’s TEAM style?His Positions? Interests?His Assets? Weaknesses?

2. Ann’s TEAM style? Her Positions? Interests?Her Assets? Weaknesses?

3. Common ground?

4. Win-win solution that draws on common ground and assets?

What is Joe’s TEAM style?

What are the clues?

What does Joe do to get Pat to a

win-win situation?

Discussion questions:

What are possible strategies

for preventing conflict?

CONFLICT PREVENTION STRATEGIES

Listening

Trust

Feedback

Work with Strengths and Preferences

Positions vs. Interests

Keep communication open

Stay non-defensive

HOW DO YOU CHANGE OR MANAGE

A DIFFICULT PERSON’S BEHAVIOR?

LOOK FOR THE WIN-WIN: (C.U.P.)

PART I: Confrontation initiated by DP:

1. Show Concern/Respect

2. Next, seek to Understand

perceptions and expectations

3. Then move into Problem solving

CUP Step 1: Show Concern/Respect

Quiet listening:

Listen fully – limit your talking

Body Language

Defuse tension by listening

Build a connection

Stay calm and respectful

Don’t share your point of view yet

Listen with eyes and ears

CUP Step 2: Seek to Understand

Active Listening:

Sort facts and feelings

Don’t push - let them vent

Listen for positions and interests

Ask about strengths and preferences using clarifying questions

Paraphrase to clarify or confirm –listen fully

Don’t argue mentally

Don’t share your point of view yet

CUP Step 3: Problem Solve

Define conflict as mutual problem

Know what you want

Summarize other’s interests / perceptions

Share your interests, expectations and

perceptions

Focus on common interests/goals

Tentatively suggest a solution, and/or …

Brainstorm – collaborate with other in lead

Follow-up and revise as needed.

Give positive feedback!

Changing Behavior Part II: FLEA

1. Feedback – describe impact

2. Listen and recycle

3. Establish standards andproblem solve

4. Act and follow up

CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK GUIDELINES

Private setting; confidential

When you both have the time to talk

Be very specific; focus on behaviors

Focus on the behavior as the problem, not the person

Be constructive – focus on change, not blame; move quickly to problem solving

Plan ahead

FEEDBACK STRATEGY:

Situation / Behavior / Impact

1. Note the situation

2. State the problem behavior

3. Describe the impact

4. Pause to actively listen

Focus on reducing negative impact

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR F.L.E.A

1. Try to understand the other person’s

• Behavior / Impact /Motivation

2. Clarify standards (expectations) & Brainstorm possible strategies

3. Plan to act:

• What you’ll say

• How they might react / TEAM issues

• Role play / Choose time and place

ACTION PLAN

List three important things you learned.

Think of 1 or 2 difficult people. What are their TEAM styles?

Choose 1 or 2 strategies you can use to be more effective.

Practice this regularly!