how to resolve conflicts without offending anyone

HOW TO RESOLVE HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS WITHOUT CONFLICTS WITHOUT OFFENDING ANYONEOFFENDING ANYONE

IF YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH OTHERIF YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH OTHER

PEOPLE, YOU WILL, SOONER OR LATER,PEOPLE, YOU WILL, SOONER OR LATER,

HAVE TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT.HAVE TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT.

CONFLICT IS NOT INHERENTLY BAD.CONFLICT IS NOT INHERENTLY BAD.

IN FACT, CONFLICT SIMPLY STEMS IN FACT, CONFLICT SIMPLY STEMS FROMFROM

DIFFERING VIEWPOINTS.DIFFERING VIEWPOINTS.

SINCE NO TWO PEOPLE VIEW THESINCE NO TWO PEOPLE VIEW THE

WORLD EXACTLY THE SAME WAY,WORLD EXACTLY THE SAME WAY,

DISAGREEMENT IS QUITE NORMAL.DISAGREEMENT IS QUITE NORMAL.

CONFLICT DEVELOPS BECAUSE WECONFLICT DEVELOPS BECAUSE WE

ARE DEALING WITH PEOPLE’S LIVES,ARE DEALING WITH PEOPLE’S LIVES,

JOBS, CHILDREN, PRIDE, SELF-CONCEPT,JOBS, CHILDREN, PRIDE, SELF-CONCEPT,

EGO AND SENSE OF MISSION OREGO AND SENSE OF MISSION OR

PURPOSE.PURPOSE.

EARLY INDICATORS OF CONFLICTEARLY INDICATORS OF CONFLICT

CAN BE RECOGNIZED. THEY ARE:CAN BE RECOGNIZED. THEY ARE:

1) BODY LANGUAGE(CROSSED ARMS)1) BODY LANGUAGE(CROSSED ARMS)

2) DISAGREEMENTS, REGARDLESS OF2) DISAGREEMENTS, REGARDLESS OF

ISSUE.ISSUE.

3. INCREASING LACK OF RESPECT3. INCREASING LACK OF RESPECT

FOR YOU OR THE CLUB.FOR YOU OR THE CLUB.

4. STRONG PUBLIC STATEMENTS.4. STRONG PUBLIC STATEMENTS.

(IN PERSON OR THROUGH (IN PERSON OR THROUGH MEDIA)MEDIA)

WHEN CONFLICT IS WHEN CONFLICT IS DESTRUCTIVE?DESTRUCTIVE?

CONFLICT IS DESTRUCTIVE WHEN IT:CONFLICT IS DESTRUCTIVE WHEN IT:

1) TAKES ATTENTION AWAY FROM 1) TAKES ATTENTION AWAY FROM

OTHER IMPORTANT ACTIVITIES.OTHER IMPORTANT ACTIVITIES.

2) POLARIZES PEOPLE AND GROUPS2) POLARIZES PEOPLE AND GROUPS

REDUCING COOPERATION.REDUCING COOPERATION.

3. UNDERMINES MORALE OR SELF-3. UNDERMINES MORALE OR SELF-

CONCEPT.CONCEPT.

4) LEADS TO IRRESPONSIBLE AND4) LEADS TO IRRESPONSIBLE AND

HARMFUL BEHAVIOR, SUCH ASHARMFUL BEHAVIOR, SUCH AS

FIGHTING, NAME CALLING.FIGHTING, NAME CALLING.

WHEN IS CONFLICT WHEN IS CONFLICT CONSTRUCTIVE?CONSTRUCTIVE?

CONFLICT IS CONSTRUCTIVE WHEN IT:CONFLICT IS CONSTRUCTIVE WHEN IT:

1) RESULTS IN CLARIFICATION OF 1) RESULTS IN CLARIFICATION OF

IMPORTANT PROBLEMS AND IMPORTANT PROBLEMS AND ISSUES.ISSUES.

2) RESULTS IN SOLUTION TO 2) RESULTS IN SOLUTION TO PROBLEMS.PROBLEMS.

3. HELPS RELEASE EMOTION, ANXIETY,3. HELPS RELEASE EMOTION, ANXIETY,

AND STRESS.AND STRESS.

4) HELPS PEOPLE UNDERSTAND4) HELPS PEOPLE UNDERSTAND

THEMSELVES AND THE GROUP.THEMSELVES AND THE GROUP.

5. BUILDS COOPERATION AMONG5. BUILDS COOPERATION AMONG

PEOPLE THORUGH LEARNING PEOPLE THORUGH LEARNING ABOUTABOUT

EACH OTHER.EACH OTHER.

IN THIS MODULE TODAY WE ARE GOINGIN THIS MODULE TODAY WE ARE GOING

TO EXAMINE TWO MAIN AREAS WHERETO EXAMINE TWO MAIN AREAS WHERE

CONFLICTS OCCUR IN LIONISM:CONFLICTS OCCUR IN LIONISM:

1) CONFLICTS IN INTERPERSONAL1) CONFLICTS IN INTERPERSONAL

RELATIONSHIPSRELATIONSHIPS

2) CONFLICTS IN MEETINGS2) CONFLICTS IN MEETINGS

CONFLICTS IN CONFLICTS IN INTERPERSONAL INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPSRELATIONSHIPSSOMETIMES IN INTERPERSONALSOMETIMES IN INTERPERSONAL

RELATIONSHIPS, SUCH AS YOU ANDRELATIONSHIPS, SUCH AS YOU AND

ANOTHER MEMBER OF YOUR CLUB,ANOTHER MEMBER OF YOUR CLUB,

THERE MAY BE A CONFLICT THAT THERE MAY BE A CONFLICT THAT YOUYOU

ARE NOT AWARE OF.ARE NOT AWARE OF.

IF SOMEONE WHO IS NORMALLY IF SOMEONE WHO IS NORMALLY UPBEATUPBEAT

AND FRIENDLY TOWARD YOU AND FRIENDLY TOWARD YOU SUDDENLYSUDDENLY

BEGINS AVOIDING YOU OR BEINGBEGINS AVOIDING YOU OR BEING

RUDE, THERE IS USUALLY A REASON.RUDE, THERE IS USUALLY A REASON.

IF THE PERSON HAS REMAINEDIF THE PERSON HAS REMAINED

CHEERFUL WITH EVERYONE ELSE CHEERFUL WITH EVERYONE ELSE BUTBUT

YOU, THE CHANCES ARE YOU AREYOU, THE CHANCES ARE YOU ARE

DEALING WITH A CONFLICT DEALING WITH A CONFLICT SITUATION.SITUATION.

IN THESE INSTANCES, YOU WILL WANTIN THESE INSTANCES, YOU WILL WANT

TO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM BYTO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM BY

PROCEEDING THROUGH THE FOLLOWINGPROCEEDING THROUGH THE FOLLOWING

STEPS:STEPS:

1) TRY TO DETERMINE IF THERE IS A1) TRY TO DETERMINE IF THERE IS A

PROBLEM BETWEEN YOU AND THEPROBLEM BETWEEN YOU AND THE

OTHER PERSON.OTHER PERSON.

2. IF YOU THINK THERE IS A 2. IF YOU THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM,PROBLEM,

SET UP A FACE-TO-FACE SET UP A FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGMEETING

TO DISCUSS THE PROBLEM WITH TO DISCUSS THE PROBLEM WITH

THE OTHER PERSON.THE OTHER PERSON.

3.IN A NONCONFRONTATIONAL 3.IN A NONCONFRONTATIONAL MANNERMANNER

ASK THE PERSON IF THERE IS AASK THE PERSON IF THERE IS A

PROBLEM. IF HIS/HER ANSWER ISPROBLEM. IF HIS/HER ANSWER IS

“ “NO” INFORM THE PERSON THAT YOUNO” INFORM THE PERSON THAT YOU

THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM AND THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM AND

EXPLAIN WHAT YOU THINK THE EXPLAIN WHAT YOU THINK THE

PROBLEM IS.PROBLEM IS.

4. AS YOU TALK, ASK FOR 4. AS YOU TALK, ASK FOR FEEDBACK.FEEDBACK.

DO NOT “ATTACK” THE OTHERDO NOT “ATTACK” THE OTHER

PERSON WITH ACCUSATIONS.PERSON WITH ACCUSATIONS.

5. TRY TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER5. TRY TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER

WITH OPEN MINDS.WITH OPEN MINDS.

6. BE SURE TO RESPECT EACH 6. BE SURE TO RESPECT EACH

OTHER’S OPINIONS. AGREE TO OTHER’S OPINIONS. AGREE TO

DISAGREE.DISAGREE.

7. TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO 7. TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO RECYCLERECYCLE

THE OTHER PERSON’S OPINIONSTHE OTHER PERSON’S OPINIONS

IN YOUR MIND.IN YOUR MIND.

8. TRY TO DETERMINE WHY THE 8. TRY TO DETERMINE WHY THE

OTHER PERSON FELT THE WAYOTHER PERSON FELT THE WAY

THEY DID.THEY DID.

9. AVOID “FINGER-POINTING.”9. AVOID “FINGER-POINTING.”

10. FINALLY, TRY TO WORK OUT A10. FINALLY, TRY TO WORK OUT A

COMPROMISE THAT PLEASES COMPROMISE THAT PLEASES BOTHBOTH

OF YOU.OF YOU.

CONFLICTS IN CONFLICTS IN MEETINGSMEETINGS

CONFLICTS IN MEETINGS CAN BE VERYCONFLICTS IN MEETINGS CAN BE VERY

DISRUPTIVE. BUT THEY CAN ALSO BEDISRUPTIVE. BUT THEY CAN ALSO BE

VERY HELPFUL. VERY HELPFUL. REMEMBER CONFLICTSREMEMBER CONFLICTS

ARE DISAGREEMENTS.ARE DISAGREEMENTS.

IF THE PERSON WHO IS DISAGREEING IF THE PERSON WHO IS DISAGREEING

WITH YOU IS RAISING WITH YOU IS RAISING VALIDVALID QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS,

IT MAY BENEFIT THE CLUB TO ADDRESSIT MAY BENEFIT THE CLUB TO ADDRESS

THE ISSUES THEY ARE PRESENTING.THE ISSUES THEY ARE PRESENTING.

IN FACT, BY LISTENING TO THEM, YOUIN FACT, BY LISTENING TO THEM, YOU

MAY GAIN VALUABLE INSIGHT INTO MAY GAIN VALUABLE INSIGHT INTO

WHAT IS AND WHAT IS NOT WORKINGWHAT IS AND WHAT IS NOT WORKING

IN YOUR CLUB.IN YOUR CLUB.

HOWEVER, IF THE PERSON CONTINUESHOWEVER, IF THE PERSON CONTINUES

PAST THE POINT OF DISAGREEMENT PAST THE POINT OF DISAGREEMENT

TO THE POINT DISRUPTIVENESS,TO THE POINT DISRUPTIVENESS,

SPECIFIC STEPS SHOULD BE TAKEN.SPECIFIC STEPS SHOULD BE TAKEN.

TACTICS FOR GAINING TACTICS FOR GAINING CONTROLCONTROL

1) FIND SOME “GRAIN OF TRUTH” 1) FIND SOME “GRAIN OF TRUTH” IN THE OTHER PERSON’S IN THE OTHER PERSON’S POSITION THAT YOU CAN POSITION THAT YOU CAN BUILD UPON.BUILD UPON.

2) IDENTIFY AREAS OF 2) IDENTIFY AREAS OF AGREEMENTAGREEMENT

3) DEFER THE SUBJECT TO LATER IN 3) DEFER THE SUBJECT TO LATER IN

THE MEETING TO HANDLE.THE MEETING TO HANDLE.

4) HAVE YOUR SECRETARY TAKE NOTE4) HAVE YOUR SECRETARY TAKE NOTE

OF THE SUBJECT AND DISCUSS ATOF THE SUBJECT AND DISCUSS AT

NEXT MEETING NEXT MEETING

5) ASK TO SPEAK WITH THE INDIVIDUAL5) ASK TO SPEAK WITH THE INDIVIDUAL

AT YOUR BREAK OR AFTER THEAT YOUR BREAK OR AFTER THE

MEETING.MEETING.

6) SEE IF SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT HAVE6) SEE IF SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT HAVE

A RESPONSE OR RECOMMENDATION.A RESPONSE OR RECOMMENDATION.

7) AGREE THAT THE PERSON HAS A7) AGREE THAT THE PERSON HAS A

VALID POINT AND THERE MAY BE VALID POINT AND THERE MAY BE

SOME WAY TO MAKE THE SITUATIONSOME WAY TO MAKE THE SITUATION

WORK FOR BOTH PARTIES.WORK FOR BOTH PARTIES.

RULES FOR DISAGREEING RULES FOR DISAGREEING DIPLOMATICALLYDIPLOMATICALLY

REGARDLESS OF THE TYPE OF CONFLICTREGARDLESS OF THE TYPE OF CONFLICT

YOU ARE DEALING WITH, THERE ARE AYOU ARE DEALING WITH, THERE ARE A

FEW GENERAL RULES YOU SHOULD FEW GENERAL RULES YOU SHOULD

FOLLOW WHENEVER YOU ARE TRYING TOFOLLOW WHENEVER YOU ARE TRYING TO

BRING HARMONY TO A VOLATILEBRING HARMONY TO A VOLATILE

SITUATION. HERE THEY ARE:SITUATION. HERE THEY ARE:

1) REFLECT YOUR UNDERSTANDING1) REFLECT YOUR UNDERSTANDING

OF THE OTHER’S POSITION OROF THE OTHER’S POSITION OR

OPINION. SAY THINGS LIKE:OPINION. SAY THINGS LIKE:

““I FEEL, I THINK, I WANT, ETC.”I FEEL, I THINK, I WANT, ETC.”

THIS SAYS, “I AM LISTENING TO YOURTHIS SAYS, “I AM LISTENING TO YOUR

OPINION AND I TAKE YOUR OPINIONOPINION AND I TAKE YOUR OPINION

INTO ACCOUNT BEFORE I STATE INTO ACCOUNT BEFORE I STATE MINE.”MINE.”

2) LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW2) LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW

THAT YOU VALUE HIM/HER AS ATHAT YOU VALUE HIM/HER AS A

PERSON EVEN THOUGH HIS/HERPERSON EVEN THOUGH HIS/HER

OPINION IS DIFFERENT FROM OPINION IS DIFFERENT FROM

YOURS.YOURS.

SAY THINGS LIKE:SAY THINGS LIKE:

““I UNDERSTAND, APPRECIATE, I UNDERSTAND, APPRECIATE, RESPECT,RESPECT,

SEE HOW YOU WOULD FEEL THAT SEE HOW YOU WOULD FEEL THAT WAY.”WAY.”

THIS SAYS, “I HEAR YOU AND THIS SAYS, “I HEAR YOU AND RESPECTRESPECT

YOUR OPINION.”YOUR OPINION.”

3) FINALLY, STATE YOUR POSITION OR3) FINALLY, STATE YOUR POSITION OR

OPINION. “I FEEL, THINK, WANT, ETC.”OPINION. “I FEEL, THINK, WANT, ETC.”

THIS SAYS, “I DON’T AGREE, BUT I THIS SAYS, “I DON’T AGREE, BUT I

VALUE YOU- SO LET’S EXCHANGE IDEASVALUE YOU- SO LET’S EXCHANGE IDEAS

COMFORTABLY, NOT AS A CONTESTCOMFORTABLY, NOT AS A CONTEST

FOR SUPERIORITY.”FOR SUPERIORITY.”

THIS CONCLUDES YOUR DISTRICTTHIS CONCLUDES YOUR DISTRICT

LIONS CLUB TRAINING ON LIONS CLUB TRAINING ON CONFLICTCONFLICT

RESOLUTION.RESOLUTION.

THANK YOU!THANK YOU!