how to pitch bullshit

SUCCESS

HOW TO PITCH BULLSHIT

Moritz Haarmann, @derwildemomo

Moritz Haarmann

GTUG Stuttgart Founding Member

Serial Entrepreneur & Routine Project Abandoner

Social Media Expert

Innovator!!!11!!

Founder & CEO of Future adressable investment leads, inc ( F.A.I.L. )

What we talk about today

Why it is necessary to learn how to pitch right

Avoid failing

Learn to think like business people

Learn to act convincingly!

Use Technology like a Pro

( PowerPoint )

How to analyze ideas

Success rate overview

1 %

99 %

Win Fail

Why we need to do it.

We need money

For technological projects

from people who just don‘t understand

Why it fails

We communicate the wrong things

We address business people the wrong way!

=> Let‘s do it right!

ADJUST YOUR COMMUNICATION

Use rules! Algorithms! Jiha!

EXPLAIN LIKE THE ONE YOUR TALKING TO IS

YOUR MOTHER IN LAW.„Mother-in-law-rule“

Mother-in-law-rule

You just need to get along well with your mother in law

She is, most likely, a total noob.

COMPLETELY ELIMINATE TECHNICAL/JARGON

TERMS, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS A BUZZWORD.

„Buzzword-Rule“

FOR EACH TECHNICAL TERM, USE 3 POSITIVE

BUSINESS TERMS.Tech/Biz-Ratio-Rule

REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE

Bad Pitch

„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providing both a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuth based backend for developers to interact with our service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“

Bad Pitch

„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providing both a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuth based backend for developers to interact with our service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“

Bad Pitch

„We are providing for Users to interact with our service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“

So, you‘ve just invented the yellow pages? => fail.

Good pitch?

Any ideas?

Good pitch

„We aim to build a local social advertising platform, enabling millions of paying customers to explore the world of hand made quality bread in the premium section of an ever groing market.“.

Mention the words ROI, Exit and Growth ( While pointing towards the sky ) regularly before and after pitching.

Better pitch

Avoid textual content whenever possible

Real leaders and executives just don‘t have the time

There are, although, technologies that help you communicate your content

Charts

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75

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20092010

Charts

Are, without a doubt, the secret of successful entrepreneurs and business guys.

Although ugly, misleading and overused, we should use charts whenever possible.

ALWAYS USE 3 CHARTS IN ANY PRESENTATION.

Three-Chart-Rule

Three Chart Rule

For each third of your presentation or pitch, one chart.

( It is a secret code among business people to use three charts, an unwritten law. )

First Chart: Solely to demonstrate your capability of using and creating charts.

Second chart: Linear growth

Third chart: Explosive growth or pie chart.

YOUR IDEAsucks most likely.

IF IT IS COMPLICATED=> sucks.

IF IT IS JUST LIKE SOMETHING ELSE

it sucks. and you.

NO ONE NEEDS ITit sucks

IT DEALS WITH SELLING

CUSTOMIZED STUFFit sucks really really hard.

ANYWAY.

Smart Idea Pimpin‘

Make extensive use of Buzzwords. Always. In your head.

Web2.0, Social, Mobile and Cross-Media is a good starting point.

Hands-On: Find yourself 5 Buzzwords you feel comfortable with. Become one with them.

Pitching all the time

You need to be convinced of the bullshit your pitching

you will fail hard if you are not.

Failure is not an option.

ONE LAST THING

THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE

It‘s great to be a nerd.

Our ideas rock.

We‘ll get it done ( tomorrow.. )

Indoor Temperature Dev.

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Winter Today

THANK YOUthis was beta, btw.

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