how to pitch bullshit

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SUCCESS

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How to pitch total bullshit? Answers in this comprehensive presentation. Held at the Android Devcamp 2011 in Stuttgart. #adcs2

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: How to Pitch Bullshit

SUCCESS

Page 2: How to Pitch Bullshit

HOW TO PITCH BULLSHIT

Moritz Haarmann, @derwildemomo

Page 3: How to Pitch Bullshit
Page 4: How to Pitch Bullshit

Moritz Haarmann

GTUG Stuttgart Founding Member

Serial Entrepreneur & Routine Project Abandoner

Social Media Expert

Innovator!!!11!!

Founder & CEO of Future adressable investment leads, inc ( F.A.I.L. )

Page 5: How to Pitch Bullshit

What we talk about today

Why it is necessary to learn how to pitch right

Avoid failing

Learn to think like business people

Learn to act convincingly!

Use Technology like a Pro

( PowerPoint )

How to analyze ideas

Page 6: How to Pitch Bullshit

Success rate overview

1 %

99 %

Win Fail

Page 7: How to Pitch Bullshit

Why we need to do it.

We need money

For technological projects

from people who just don‘t understand

Page 8: How to Pitch Bullshit

Why it fails

We communicate the wrong things

We address business people the wrong way!

=> Let‘s do it right!

Page 9: How to Pitch Bullshit

ADJUST YOUR COMMUNICATION

Use rules! Algorithms! Jiha!

Page 10: How to Pitch Bullshit

EXPLAIN LIKE THE ONE YOUR TALKING TO IS

YOUR MOTHER IN LAW.„Mother-in-law-rule“

Page 11: How to Pitch Bullshit

Mother-in-law-rule

You just need to get along well with your mother in law

She is, most likely, a total noob.

Page 12: How to Pitch Bullshit

COMPLETELY ELIMINATE TECHNICAL/JARGON

TERMS, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS A BUZZWORD.

„Buzzword-Rule“

Page 13: How to Pitch Bullshit

FOR EACH TECHNICAL TERM, USE 3 POSITIVE

BUSINESS TERMS.Tech/Biz-Ratio-Rule

Page 14: How to Pitch Bullshit

REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE

Page 15: How to Pitch Bullshit

Bad Pitch

„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providing both a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuth based backend for developers to interact with our service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“

Page 16: How to Pitch Bullshit

Bad Pitch

„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providing both a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuth based backend for developers to interact with our service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“

Page 17: How to Pitch Bullshit

Bad Pitch

„We are providing for Users to interact with our service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“

So, you‘ve just invented the yellow pages? => fail.

Page 18: How to Pitch Bullshit

Good pitch?

Any ideas?

Page 19: How to Pitch Bullshit

Good pitch

„We aim to build a local social advertising platform, enabling millions of paying customers to explore the world of hand made quality bread in the premium section of an ever groing market.“.

Mention the words ROI, Exit and Growth ( While pointing towards the sky ) regularly before and after pitching.

Page 20: How to Pitch Bullshit

Better pitch

Avoid textual content whenever possible

Real leaders and executives just don‘t have the time

There are, although, technologies that help you communicate your content

Page 21: How to Pitch Bullshit

Charts

0

75

150

225

300

20072008

20092010

Page 22: How to Pitch Bullshit

Charts

Are, without a doubt, the secret of successful entrepreneurs and business guys.

Although ugly, misleading and overused, we should use charts whenever possible.

Page 23: How to Pitch Bullshit

ALWAYS USE 3 CHARTS IN ANY PRESENTATION.

Three-Chart-Rule

Page 24: How to Pitch Bullshit

Three Chart Rule

For each third of your presentation or pitch, one chart.

( It is a secret code among business people to use three charts, an unwritten law. )

First Chart: Solely to demonstrate your capability of using and creating charts.

Second chart: Linear growth

Third chart: Explosive growth or pie chart.

Page 25: How to Pitch Bullshit

YOUR IDEAsucks most likely.

Page 26: How to Pitch Bullshit

IF IT IS COMPLICATED=> sucks.

Page 27: How to Pitch Bullshit

IF IT IS JUST LIKE SOMETHING ELSE

it sucks. and you.

Page 28: How to Pitch Bullshit

NO ONE NEEDS ITit sucks

Page 29: How to Pitch Bullshit

IT DEALS WITH SELLING

CUSTOMIZED STUFFit sucks really really hard.

Page 30: How to Pitch Bullshit

ANYWAY.

Page 31: How to Pitch Bullshit

Smart Idea Pimpin‘

Make extensive use of Buzzwords. Always. In your head.

Web2.0, Social, Mobile and Cross-Media is a good starting point.

Hands-On: Find yourself 5 Buzzwords you feel comfortable with. Become one with them.

Page 32: How to Pitch Bullshit

Pitching all the time

You need to be convinced of the bullshit your pitching

you will fail hard if you are not.

Failure is not an option.

Page 33: How to Pitch Bullshit

ONE LAST THING

Page 34: How to Pitch Bullshit

THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE

It‘s great to be a nerd.

Our ideas rock.

We‘ll get it done ( tomorrow.. )

Page 35: How to Pitch Bullshit

Indoor Temperature Dev.

0

25

50

75

100

9:0011:00

13:0015:00

17:00

Winter Today

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THANK YOUthis was beta, btw.

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Dieses Werk bzw. Inhalt steht unter einer Creative Commons Namensnennung-NichtKommerziell-KeineBearbeitung 3.0 Deutschland Lizenz.