dealing with conflict andré van der walt. tech- nical skills functional skills enabling skills the...

Dealing With Conflict

André van der Walt

Tech-nical skills

Functionalskills

Enabling skills

THE SKILLS PYRAMID

(Scherer in Pfeiffer & Co Library)

Change and Conflict?

Learning Outcomes

• Understand the conflict concept• Understand your own conflict style• Get insight into how others deal with

conflict• Know the stages in the escalation of

conflict• Apply different strategies to handle

conflict• Improved conflict handling skills• Use conflict as a stimulus for growth in

your personal and work life

• Perceptions• Values vs Principles• Fears• Needs• Self-esteem

I cannot deal with conflict before I have dealt with myself:

Functional vs. Dysfunctional Conflict

The distinction between functional conflict and dysfunctional conflict pivots on whether the organization’s interests are served. The question is: Does the conflict hinder or support organizational performance?

(Kreitner & Kinicki, 1989)

“We owe almost all our knowledge not to those who have agreed, but to those who have differed” – Charles Colton

All progress occurs because people dare to be different.” – Harry Millner

The Antecedents/Causes of Conflict

• Incompatible personalities or value systems

• Overlapping or unclear job boundaries

• Competition for limited resources• Inadequate resources• Interdependent tasks (have to wait

for someone else)• Organisational complexity –

hierarchies, etc

• Unreasonable/unclear policies, standards

• Unreasonable deadlines or extreme time pressure

• Collective decision-making (collective irresponsibility)

• Decision-making by consensus (100% agreement?)

• Unmet expectations (unrealistic expectations?)

• Unresolved or suppressed conflicts

(Kreitner & Kinicki, 1989)

• Self-centredness• Competitiveness • Authority• Seniority• Affirmative action• Interdepartmental concerns

Intensity

Ou

tcom

es

Pos.

Neut.

Neg.

Low Moderate High

Conflict Intensity & Outcomes (Brown, 1996)

Too littleconflict

Too muchconflict

Appropriateconflict

SIX STEPS IN THE CONFLICT RESOLUTION PROCESS

Step 1: 

Acknowledge thatconflict exists

Step 2: 

Identify the“real” conflict

Step 3: 

Listen actively to all points of view

Step 4: 

Explore and generate ways to resolve the conflict

Step 5: 

Select a solution and clarify

responsibilities

Step 6: 

Schedule a follow-up session to

review progress

Experiences

Interpretations

Beliefs/self-talk

Behaviour

The Conflict Cycle

“You’re wrong” means“I don’t understand you” – I’m not seeing what you’re

seeing. But there is nothing wrong

with you,you are simply not me and

that’s not wrong” Prather, 1970

Collaboration means moving from …

Me & the Problem vs. You

to

Me & You vs. the Problem

8 Pillars of Conflict Management

Pillar 1

Have Confidence

Beliefs and Confidence

Beliefs Raw Ability Results

A

B

Pillar 2

A Clear Message

Pillars 3 & 4

Listen & Feedback

“To be listened to is a striking experience – partly because it is so rare. When another person is totally with you, leaning in, interested in every word, eager to empathize, you feel known and understood. People get bigger when they know they’re listened to; they have more presence. They feel safer and more secure, as well, and can begin to trust. It is why listening is so important …

Whitworth, et al., 1998

“As Gandhi said, ‘Three-fourths of the miseries and

misunderstandings in the world will disappear if we step into the shoes of our adversaries

and understand their standpoint.’ As we really

understand the other point of view, we often find our own

point of view changed through increased understanding.”

(Stephen Covey)

“You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person’s perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person’s predicament - this would be sympathy, not empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choice each person makes, but you do understand”

Empathy (Clifton & Buckingham)

Active listening closes the communication loop, ensuring that the two parties do not only “hear” each other, but confirm their understanding, and as a result, take the appropriate actions. What is the quality of the communication in your …

Team?

Organisation?

Personal life?

The person …

• Gives you his/her undivided attention• Is sensitive – doesn’t interrupt• Is open minded, non-judgemental• Listens for meaning and understanding• Won’t break the silence• Asks open-ended questions• Remembers and summarises what you said• Remains calm and focused• Responds appropriately

How Do You Know When Someone is Really Listening?

• Eyes: Take note of your posture, face, gestures, movements

• Ears: Register your words, rate of speech, voice, volume, pitch

• Mind: Concentrates on content, meaning and your thought process

• Heart: Picks up your feelings

Non-verbal signs of active listening

Pillar 5 - Clarify Perceptions

People interpret reality differently. They

perceive differences in the severity,

causes and consequences of problems

Pillar 6 - Be Open and Flexible

We may simply be too inflexible and could therefore hold rigid, dogmatic beliefs about the "right way" to do

things.

Human Default Positions

•What are some of my default positions?

•How do they serve me? •How do they get in the way

Rig

id

Fle

xib

le

In conflict with others

In dealing with unexpected events

In confronting obstacles

In expressing and discussing ideas

In relating with others

Pillar 7

Focus on a Positive Outcome

Destruction Decay Survival Success Artistry

RuinLose/LoseNothingNot you, not me

ApathyI don’t careLack Not me

ScarcityWin/LosePossess-ivenessYou or me

ProductivityI must winAccumulationMe, then you

BreakthroughWin/WinAbundanceYou & me

Approaching Life’s Challenges

DiminishingEnergy

IncreasingEnergy

Fear Love

JoyStress

Pillar 8

Work Methodically

Power

•The “powerful”

•The “powerless”

Organisational Politics

• Attacking or blaming others• Using information as a political

tool• Developing a base of support• Praising others (making

influential people feel good)• Associating with influential

people• Creating obligations (reciprocity)

Robert Allen, et al.

In Conclusion …

Conflict Resolution’s Enemies

• The natural need to want to explain our side first

• Our ineffectiveness as listeners• Our fears• The assumption that one of us

has to lose for the other one to win

Encina, 2002

Two Vital Principles

•“Seek first to understand, then to be understood” (Stephen Covey)

•Focus on NEEDS, not positionEncina, 2002

ENJOY YOURSELF, IT’S LATER THAN WE

THINK!

Oh yes, also remember to …

Six Pillars of Self-esteem

• Living Consciously

• Self-acceptance

• Self-assertiveness

• Self-responsibility

• Living Purposefully

• Personal Integrity

Nathaniel Branden