dealing with conflict andré van der walt. tech- nical skills functional skills enabling skills the...
TRANSCRIPT
Dealing With Conflict
André van der Walt
Tech-nical skills
Functionalskills
Enabling skills
THE SKILLS PYRAMID
(Scherer in Pfeiffer & Co Library)
Change and Conflict?
Learning Outcomes
• Understand the conflict concept• Understand your own conflict style• Get insight into how others deal with
conflict• Know the stages in the escalation of
conflict• Apply different strategies to handle
conflict• Improved conflict handling skills• Use conflict as a stimulus for growth in
your personal and work life
• Perceptions• Values vs Principles• Fears• Needs• Self-esteem
I cannot deal with conflict before I have dealt with myself:
Functional vs. Dysfunctional Conflict
The distinction between functional conflict and dysfunctional conflict pivots on whether the organization’s interests are served. The question is: Does the conflict hinder or support organizational performance?
(Kreitner & Kinicki, 1989)
“We owe almost all our knowledge not to those who have agreed, but to those who have differed” – Charles Colton
All progress occurs because people dare to be different.” – Harry Millner
The Antecedents/Causes of Conflict
• Incompatible personalities or value systems
• Overlapping or unclear job boundaries
• Competition for limited resources• Inadequate resources• Interdependent tasks (have to wait
for someone else)• Organisational complexity –
hierarchies, etc
• Unreasonable/unclear policies, standards
• Unreasonable deadlines or extreme time pressure
• Collective decision-making (collective irresponsibility)
• Decision-making by consensus (100% agreement?)
• Unmet expectations (unrealistic expectations?)
• Unresolved or suppressed conflicts
(Kreitner & Kinicki, 1989)
• Self-centredness• Competitiveness • Authority• Seniority• Affirmative action• Interdepartmental concerns
Intensity
Ou
tcom
es
Pos.
Neut.
Neg.
Low Moderate High
Conflict Intensity & Outcomes (Brown, 1996)
Too littleconflict
Too muchconflict
Appropriateconflict
SIX STEPS IN THE CONFLICT RESOLUTION PROCESS
Step 1:
Acknowledge thatconflict exists
Step 2:
Identify the“real” conflict
Step 3:
Listen actively to all points of view
Step 4:
Explore and generate ways to resolve the conflict
Step 5:
Select a solution and clarify
responsibilities
Step 6:
Schedule a follow-up session to
review progress
Experiences
Interpretations
Beliefs/self-talk
Behaviour
The Conflict Cycle
“You’re wrong” means“I don’t understand you” – I’m not seeing what you’re
seeing. But there is nothing wrong
with you,you are simply not me and
that’s not wrong” Prather, 1970
Collaboration means moving from …
Me & the Problem vs. You
to
Me & You vs. the Problem
8 Pillars of Conflict Management
Pillar 1
Have Confidence
Beliefs and Confidence
Beliefs Raw Ability Results
A
B
Pillar 2
A Clear Message
Pillars 3 & 4
Listen & Feedback
“To be listened to is a striking experience – partly because it is so rare. When another person is totally with you, leaning in, interested in every word, eager to empathize, you feel known and understood. People get bigger when they know they’re listened to; they have more presence. They feel safer and more secure, as well, and can begin to trust. It is why listening is so important …
Whitworth, et al., 1998
“As Gandhi said, ‘Three-fourths of the miseries and
misunderstandings in the world will disappear if we step into the shoes of our adversaries
and understand their standpoint.’ As we really
understand the other point of view, we often find our own
point of view changed through increased understanding.”
(Stephen Covey)
“You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person’s perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person’s predicament - this would be sympathy, not empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choice each person makes, but you do understand”
Empathy (Clifton & Buckingham)
Active listening closes the communication loop, ensuring that the two parties do not only “hear” each other, but confirm their understanding, and as a result, take the appropriate actions. What is the quality of the communication in your …
Team?
Organisation?
Personal life?
The person …
• Gives you his/her undivided attention• Is sensitive – doesn’t interrupt• Is open minded, non-judgemental• Listens for meaning and understanding• Won’t break the silence• Asks open-ended questions• Remembers and summarises what you said• Remains calm and focused• Responds appropriately
How Do You Know When Someone is Really Listening?
• Eyes: Take note of your posture, face, gestures, movements
• Ears: Register your words, rate of speech, voice, volume, pitch
• Mind: Concentrates on content, meaning and your thought process
• Heart: Picks up your feelings
Non-verbal signs of active listening
Pillar 5 - Clarify Perceptions
People interpret reality differently. They
perceive differences in the severity,
causes and consequences of problems
Pillar 6 - Be Open and Flexible
We may simply be too inflexible and could therefore hold rigid, dogmatic beliefs about the "right way" to do
things.
Human Default Positions
•What are some of my default positions?
•How do they serve me? •How do they get in the way
Rig
id
Fle
xib
le
In conflict with others
In dealing with unexpected events
In confronting obstacles
In expressing and discussing ideas
In relating with others
Pillar 7
Focus on a Positive Outcome
Destruction Decay Survival Success Artistry
RuinLose/LoseNothingNot you, not me
ApathyI don’t careLack Not me
ScarcityWin/LosePossess-ivenessYou or me
ProductivityI must winAccumulationMe, then you
BreakthroughWin/WinAbundanceYou & me
Approaching Life’s Challenges
DiminishingEnergy
IncreasingEnergy
Fear Love
JoyStress
Pillar 8
Work Methodically
Power
•The “powerful”
•The “powerless”
Organisational Politics
• Attacking or blaming others• Using information as a political
tool• Developing a base of support• Praising others (making
influential people feel good)• Associating with influential
people• Creating obligations (reciprocity)
Robert Allen, et al.
In Conclusion …
Conflict Resolution’s Enemies
• The natural need to want to explain our side first
• Our ineffectiveness as listeners• Our fears• The assumption that one of us
has to lose for the other one to win
Encina, 2002
Two Vital Principles
•“Seek first to understand, then to be understood” (Stephen Covey)
•Focus on NEEDS, not positionEncina, 2002
ENJOY YOURSELF, IT’S LATER THAN WE
THINK!
Oh yes, also remember to …
Six Pillars of Self-esteem
• Living Consciously
• Self-acceptance
• Self-assertiveness
• Self-responsibility
• Living Purposefully
• Personal Integrity
Nathaniel Branden