darul hikmah: maintaining a happy marriage, communication workshop
Post on 30-Jun-2015
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MAINTAINING A HAPPY MARRIAGE: HEALTHY COMMUNICATIONHooman Keshavarzi, MA
SIRAT
Two Backgrounds/Two People Core Beliefs and Life History
How parents were, norms, patterns etc. Therefore: Differing Perceptions
What do you see?
Ideas of Right and Wrong
Pushing a point Using Deen to support this perspective Let’s say you prove your point: Now what?
Can’t resolve issues in a productive manner is the larger issue!
Communication Errors
Four variables that if present, can predict whether a marriage will end in divorce by over 85%!!!
What are they?
Vicious Cycle of Bad Communication
1. Criticism2. Contempt3. Defensiveness4. StonewallingAdditional sword in the marriage:No affection outside of this.
Solution PLEASE!!
Interrupt the process QUICKLY! Make a joke Voice your emotions, “I am feeling
upset”. Take a time out Learn cues and triggers.
Gender Differences
Effects of Stress (Gottman, 1999)
WOMEN MEN
Solution PLEASE!!
Men: Know that it will get better, just bear through the current.
Women: Take breaks, don’t overwhelm him
Details
Men tend not to see details, but the whole picture.
Women are highly attentive to details.
Implication: Men don’t notice little things. Often interpreted as lack of caring.
Solution
You decide!
Issues of Power
Men tend to have an issue with power. Women accept influence naturally. Men who do not accept influence tend to
have poorer relationships.
Ideas of Marriage
ALL successful marriages have unresolved ISSUES!
• Cognitive Distortion: “should” & “must” statements Overestimate how bad it is that these
expectations are not met.
Communication Errors
Tend to listen to half of what people say. Tend to listen in order to make a
response. See things from own frame of reference Tend to give advice or “what I would do”.
Active/Empathetic listening
Genuine Not-Judging Empathetic
Empathy Technique
Reflecting & Asking questions.
Tips: Learn when to SHUT UP Forget the details – What is the MESSAGE!! Do you understand experientially?
Characteristics of a Healthy Marriage
Keeping their negative thoughts of their spouse from overwhelming their positive ones (Gottman, 1999).
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