communicating with confidence to get the results you want tara chrisco sr. consultant & coach...

Communicating with ConfidenceTo get the results you want

Tara ChriscoSr. Consultant & CoachOctober 22, 2010

Workshop Objectives

• Understand how self-confidence affects communication

• Dispel myths about self-confidence• Identify your personal self-confidence

“landmines” & “boosters”• Discuss ways to build self-confidence• Define verbal and non-verbal strategies for

communicating confidently

Confidence and Communication. How are the two related?

See-Do-Get Model

4 4

The Maturity ContinuumSee-Do-Get

BehaviorResult

Paradigm

Align Paradigms With Principles

From: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People™By: Stephen R. Covey

Self-Reflect

• What results do you want?• Turn it into a goal statement.– Example: The result I will achieve this year is to find

a position I can grow in.– Example: The result I will achieve this month is to

communicate with confidence during my next interview.

– Example: The result I will achieve today is to select 3 new ideas from this workshop to improve my communication skills.

Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right.

~Henry Ford.

What is Self-Confidence?

• Group 1 – brainstorm what a person with self-confidence looks like, feels like and does.

• Group 2 – brainstorm what a person with low self-confidence looks like, feels like and does.

***************************************• WRITE YOUR LISTS ON THE FLIPCHART PAPER• THERE ARE NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWERS!

self-con·fi·dence [self-kon-fi-duhns, self-]

–noun1. realistic confidence in one's own judgment, ability, power, etc.2. excessive or inflated confidence in one's own judgment, ability, etc.

—Related formsself-con·fi·dent, adjectiveself-con·fi·dent·ly, adverb

—Synonyms 1. assurance, self-possession, self-respect, poise. 2. conceit, self-esteem.

Dictionary.com

Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level.

~Max L. Forman

True or False?

Confident people are always confident.

FALSE.

You’re either born with it or you’re not.

FALSE.

Extroverts are more confident than introverts.

FALSE.

Confidence comes from other people supporting me, agreeing with me, liking me, etc.

FALSE.

I can only be confident if I know the answer.

FALSE.

Your Personal Landmines

• Think of a time in the past when you did not feel confident.

• What was going on for you at the time? How did you feel, what were the circumstances of the situation?

• Can you identify specific triggers? • Think of another time and do the same thing.

Keep going until you are out of time.• Do you notice any trends?

My Personal Landmines

• Lack of sleep• Lack of physical activity• Extra lbs• Conflict• Disorganization

• Heated debate• Errors in my work• My appearance• When I need to say no• Failure to plan

18

The Circle of Influence

Be Proactive1

Lack of sleepLack of physical activityExtra lbsDisorganizationErrors in my workMy appearanceWhen I need to say noFailure to plan

Heated debateConflict

From: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People™By: Stephen R. Covey

Success Lifeline Activity

• Use the timeline on your worksheet• Think about times when you have been successful

at something.• Mark those on your timeline in chronological order• For each success, jot down specifics of the

circumstances, e.g. how you felt, what you did, what you looked like, who was around you, etc.

• What trends do you notice? These are your personal self-confidence boosters.

My Personal Boosters

• Have quiet time• Plan in advance• Wear something that makes

me feel good• Style my hair• Maintain my weight under

XX lbs• Exercise• Speak deliberately with a

strong tone

• Surround myself with positive people

• Smile• Focus on one thing at a time• Align my decisions with my

values• Be “kind” to myself with my

thoughts• Look people in the eye• Be “present”

Ideas for Building Self-Confidence

• What are some ideas for ways we can build our self-confidence?

• 25 Killer actions handout.

The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.

~Author Unknown

Communicating with Confidence

From: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People™By: Stephen R. Covey

Reading the Signs

24Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood5

From: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People™By: Stephen R. Covey

Communicating With Confidence

• Identify signs of confidence in the following 3 categories and write them on your flip chart– Non-verbal – Facial expressions, body language– Verbal – How we speak– Verbal – What we say

Communicating With ConfidenceNon-verbal

Communicating with ConfidenceHow We Speak

Signs of Confidence – How We Speak

• Moderate Pace (err on the side of slower)• Volume (loud enough to be heard, not too loud…

not too soft)• Tone (steady, lower than in casual conversations)• Deliberately (pause to construct your sentences)• Decisively (give a specific answer to the question…

no waffling)• Clearly (articulate your words…no mumbling)• Convey feeling (not emotion)

"Good communication does not mean that you have to speak in perfectly formed

sentences and paragraphs. It isn't about slickness. Simple and clear go a long way."

- John Kotter

Communicating with Confidence What We Say

• Eliminate fillers– Like, umm, uh

• Trim the “Hedges”– “I’m not sure about this but…”– “You might not like this idea but…”

• Limit jargon• Use action verbs• Link ideas effectively• Listen and check your understanding

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the

quality of our lives."

- Anthony Robbins