anger managemnnt

Anger and its Management

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What is Anger?

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage."

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Anger

Is an emotion Is common to every person Is found in all temperaments

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I feel…

FuriousSpiteful

GrouchyFrustrated

EnragedAnnoyed

IrritatedMad

Irate

ANGRY5

Fight, Flight or Freeze

Three instinctual responses when faced with an angry or aggressive individual.

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How do you experience anger?

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How do you feel it physically and emotionally?

What changes do you notice in yourself when you become angry?

______________________________________________________

Complete the checklist on the next slide.

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Objectives: 1. Identify your anger triggers 2. Know your anger cues 3. Know your anger style 4. Deal with your anger effectively

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TRIGGERSWhat bugs you?

Something that happens that makes you angry

What triggers you does not always trigger someone else.

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Psychologists often call that “right before” event a “trigger.”

The scene has been set by previous events and your mood, and then something triggers your response of anger.

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For example, maybe you have had a bad morning…got up late and felt groggy, spilled coffee and had to change your shirt, tired from the day before, a little worried about a paper you need to write…and then, the trigger: someone cuts you off in traffic.

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Thoughts Matter

Triggers are accompanied by thoughts, including thoughts that you have so quickly that they are almost automatic and you may not even notice them.

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1. You have the highest average on social studies tests, but when report cards are handed out, the teacher gives someone else a higher grade than you because he participates in class more than you do.

a. not at all angry b. somewhat angry c. very angry

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2. Your best friend has a secret that she tells to two other friends but not to you.

a. not at all angry b. somewhat angry c. very angry

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3. Someone in your class spreads a rumor about you.

a. not at all angry b. somewhat angry c. very angry

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4. Your older sister keeps interrupting you when you’re trying to tell your mom something.

a. not at all angry b. somewhat angry c. very angry

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5. At the pizza place, you have to wait ten minutes before your order is taken because the man behind the counter has served two people who came in after you.

a. not at all angry b. somewhat angry c. very angry

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MAKE A LIST If you know your

anger triggers, then you can either:

1. Try to avoid them 2. Learn how to

deal with them.

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Clenched fist

Your body sends you signals,

when you’re getting angry.

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Loud voice

Sweat

Red face

Racing & pounding heartbeat Upset

stomach

Complete the Checklist What are your anger cues?

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What’s your anger style?

When your anger is triggered, you’re going to react in some way. The way you react is called your ANGER STYLE.

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Acting Out

Dumping

Burying

ACTING OUT Easiest to recognize It’s when you strike out at

the person you are mad at: physically or verbally.

YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL!!!!

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Consequences

You get in troubleProblem is not solved

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DUMPINGDISPLACED ANGER

Shifting your feelings to someone you feel it’s safe to be mad at.

Ex. Guy gets mad at his boss, comes home & yells at his wife, who yells at the kids, who kick the dog!!

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Consequences

You hurt innocent people Problem is not solved

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BURYING (ignoring) When you hold your anger down inside

yourself because you think it isn’t nice to have those feelings.

Denying your angry isn’t dealing with it. It can come out in other ways: headaches,

stomachaches, anxious, depressed One day you might explode!!

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Consequences

You hurt yourself You may hurt others when you

EXPLODE Problem is not solved

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Expectation breeds frustration. Frustration breeds anger.

..There are two choices You stay angry---------- nothing good happen Feel calm---------------anger is fixated

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Why do we get angry?

“We are predisposed to become angry when we appraise an event or a person as a threat to one of our basic needs such as food or shelter, or more mature needs such as identity, recognition, achievement, and social affiliation.”

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When do you get angry?

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Think about these reactions.

Are they good for you—your health? your relationships? Your success at school and in life?

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How Do You Act When Angry?

How do you typically act when angry?______________________________________________________________________________

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? Do you…

Show it on your face? Grit your teeth? Grin? Turn red? Criticize the “cause” of

your anger? Physically attack the

“cause” of your anger? Curse or Swear? Walk out? Withdraw from others?

Yell or Shout? Complain? Clench your fists? Make aggressive

gestures? Threaten others? Punch or Throw objects? Stomp your feet? Slam doors? Brood?

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What are the short term effects?___________________________

______________________________________________________

For example: Do you experience relief? Do you become angrier? Depressed? Does your anger influence other situations you encounter or your interactions with

others?

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? What are the long term effects?

For example: Do you become angry again in a similar situation? Do you continue to experience the same problem as before? Are there significant long term effects, such as lost friendships

or jobs, a drinking problem, or a court appearance?

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Out-of-control anger leads to a pattern of negative behavior that can hurt your relationships, career, even your mental and physical health.

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Can Anger be a Positive? Although anger is often viewed as a negative

feeling, it can be used in a positive way… Anger provides cues that there is a problem Anger provides energy and can help motivate

action Anger encourages the expression of feelings

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Advantages of Anger

Feelings of power Self righteous Get people’s attention Make them do what you want

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Disadvantages of anger

Physical symptomsTensionFatigue

psychological symptomsRemorse guilt

may cause fear rather than respect

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Facts about anger

Anger is not A reflex Automatic Caused by others

Anger is A result of thinking a choice controlled by your own

thinking

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What Is Anger Management

Anger management refers to therapeutic strategies that allow people to overcome excess feelings of anger.

It help to control destructive impulse that anger may cause.

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Benefits Of Anger Management

Judgment Fewer Disputes  Closer And More Healthy Relationships Better Communication Stress

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Anger can make you ill

When we are angry The body releases stress hormones, such as

adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol. The heart rate, blood pressure, body

temperature and breathing rate increase. Regular episodes of anger can eventually

make people ill. 

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Questions to Ask Yourself When Angry

Am I angry at the right person? Am I angry for the right reasons? Do I have the right amount of angry? Is the anger causing situation within my control? Would I still be angry in a week, month, or year from now? Do I have any physical conditions such as pain, fatigue, or

mental illness that are leading me to be angry? What action can I take that will likely have the most positive

outcome?

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Do I need help

The following may indicate that you need anger management help

You have numerous arguments with people around you, especially your partner, parents, children or colleagues.

You find yourself involved in fights. You hit your partner or children. You threaten violence to people or property. You lose your temper when driving and become reckless. You think that perhaps you do need help.

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Anger Management

Its not them, its you

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Does everybody experience anger?

Everybody gets angry. That is okay. You’re going to feel how you feel. BUT: how you act is up to you. And that matters, because how you act leads to consequences.

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EVERYBODY GETS ANGRY That’s just how it is.

The difference comes in what you do about it.

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SO:GET A GRIP!!!

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Remember that getting angry is not going to fix anything, and it won't make you feel better. Uncontrolled anger may actually make you feel worse. Learn to control your anger and don't let anger control you.

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Eating rat poison and wait for rat to die. Container that hold lava hurts most and

container on that lava falling temporary hurts.

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Anger Management

Skills

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Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT)

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REBT

Albert Ellis by REBT It is humanistic approach that emphasis

individual s’ capacity for creating their own self enhancing and self-defeating emotion.

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Goals of REBT

Minimize emotion disturbance, decrease the self- defeating behavior and become happier.

REBT teach how to deal with negative feelings such as: aggression

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ABC Model

A:Activating event B:Belief about the event. C:Beliefs will lead to the consequences.

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ABC Model

ABC Model helps people understand the connection between the belief and consequences.

The ABC Model shows that A does no cause C. It is B that cause C.

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Example

A:Your best friend has not attend your phone calls for several days.

B:You think______. C:What is the consequences of that belief?

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Three Core Demands(Must) Self-Demand: I must do well and approved by significant others.

Other-Demand: I must be treated fairly by other. Other are damnable ( Hateful) if they do not treat me fairly.

Demands of the world/life condition: Life condition must be absolutely the way that I want them to be.

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Ways of Thinking

There are two ways of thinking. Irrational way of thinking Rational way of thinking

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Irrational way of thinking

Inconsistent with the reality. Lack empirically validity. Illogical. Non flexible. Demanding. State demands rather then a desire

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Rational Thinking

Consistent with reality. Empirically validity Logical Flexible Preferential: Express a desire not a demand

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Now check your rational and irrational thoughts and decide which is better for you.

Accept that you are not God or people are not your reborts, both of you are human beings

If one make mistakes, other have to accept it, forgive it for betterment

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According to Islam

Motive of REBT is to realize you are destructive to yourself.

“Don’t with your own hand cart yourself into destruction.” S2 -V195

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“Nay whoever submits himself entirely to Allah and he is a doer of good to others, he has his reward from his Lord and there is no fear for such nor shall they grieve.” S2-V112

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ABC of personal happiness is that if something happens at Activating event you would not be disturbed by consequence, if you have complete Belief or faith in Allah.

“Oh you do believe! Endure and be more patient.”

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Demandingness Vs preferences:

Concept of prayer in Islam is same a concept of having a preference in REBT.

“Allah doesn’t change the situation of any group of people, unless they change what is in themselves.” S 2:V59

Demand, must and should thinking are main kinds of irrational believes that lead to disturbance

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From Islamic perspective, you have complete faith in Allah, you don’t demand for the things in life, you only pray.

“You may not grieve for what escapes you nor rejoice in what has come to you.”S57:V22

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Concept of frustration tolerance Accept others as they are, is unconditional

acceptance. It is irrational to complain. According to REBT decrease frustration tolerance

stems for demands for ease and comfort and reflect an intolerance and discomfort. 3 Categories of Sabar

1.Tarakus Sabaraa---lowest form 2. Ar riddha bil-beelah---moderate 3. Ash shukr alalbeelah--- highest form

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Concept of Self Verbalization

Negative verbalize with yourself and use recitation and prayers.

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Forgive others

Adopt flexible approach to various imperfections in life and to be tolerant.

Allah is enough/sufficient for us, where there is a room for forgiveness, there is no room for hatred and violence.

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Standard your problems with the problem of your role mode (Holy Prophet peace be upon him)

When you compare your problems with Hazrat Muhammad peace be upon him you realize that you have no problem.

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Several Cures for Anger from the Sunnah1. To say "Audhu billahi minashaytan nirajim." [Bukhari, Muslim] 2. If he is standing, then he should sit. If the anger fails to subside, then he should lie down. [Abu Dawood] 3. A person should remain silent. [Imam Ahmad]

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4. Make wudhu. [Abu Dawood]5. Make ghusl [Abu Nuaim]  6. Remembering the rewards and virtues of patience, mercy and forgiveness.

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DEALING WITH ANGER

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It's Not Always Easy, but it is Possible

When you are ANGRY and UPSETremember…

1-2-3 TURTLE

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1 – Go inside your shell THINK before you ACT Take a “Time Out”

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Time to RELAX Calm yourself down

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2 – Take 3 Deep Breaths

Think of a good solution

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3 – Walk Away

Techniques

Take a break as soon as you recognizethat you're angry

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Breathe deeply

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Take a really deep breath. Bring the air all the way into the bottom of

your lungs near your stomach Breathe in through your nose. Hold for 2 seconds. Breathe out through your mouth for 4 seconds. Practice!

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Go to a "happy place

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Practice positive self-talk

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Ask for the Support of someone you trust.

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Engage in physical activity

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Restructure the way you think about your life

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See a mental health professional

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Meditating calms the mind and helps you with your problems

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Clench up your hand

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Get active. Instead of taking it out on people or yourself, take it out on your bike or exercising

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Get a stress ball

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Start going to anger management class

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Find the funniest thing you can (youtube has a lot of hilarious videos)

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Listen to music

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Try writing in a diary about your anger

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Eat something you love that is healthy

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Accept what you cannot change & change what you cannot accept.

Nobody can make you angry without your consent

Anger is a luxury in which only men of abundant means or absolutely no means can indulge.

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Make fists to tense both fingers and hands. Now tense. Notice how your hands feel, so tight and tense. Hold it for about fifteen seconds. Then take a breath and let go of your muscles as you exhale, letting go of the tension. Notice the relaxation flowing into the muscles—how they feel now. Now repeat this a second time.

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Raise your shoulders up to your ears (a severe shoulder shrug).

Push your head back into the back support to tense the muscles of your neck. Forcefully push your tongue up against the roof of your mouth to tense the anterior (front) part of your neck and throat area.

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Raise your eyebrows as high as you can and feel the pulling of your forehead muscles. After two repetitions, pull the muscles down in a forceful frown (eyebrows in a V shape).

Pull your abdomen in as if toward your spine as tightly as you can, holding the tension.

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Curl your toes (scrunching them) while tensing your feet and1. Make fists to tense both fingers and hands. Now tense. Notice how your hands feel, so tight and tense. Hold it for about fifteen seconds. Then take a breath and let go of your muscles as you exhale, letting go of the tension. Notice the relaxation flowing into the muscles—how they feel now. Now repeat this a second time.

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Tense your calves by extending your legs off the floor and raising your toes as if trying to touch your knees.

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References(2005).The Surprising Purpose of Anger beyond Anger Management:Puddle Dancer PressGreene , I., (2003).ANGER MANAGEMENT SKILLS FOR WOMEN(2007). Anger Management for Dummies. United States of America: Wiley Publishing.Anger Management Best Practice Handbook Controlling Anger Before it Controls You  Woodruff, J., (N.D). Anger Management Proven Techniques and Exercises.

(2004 ) Controlling Anger Before it Controls You Anger Management Proven Techniques and Exercises. New York London: The Guilford Press A Division of Guilford Publications, Inc.

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