~ anais nin · 2017. 6. 3. · ~ anais nin some people begin by completing a dream they shared with...

ormonths,bucketsofsandandcement,andtonsoffieldstonelinedthewallsofourunfinished

basement.Itwasourdreamtoconvertthisbigspaceintoaplacewherethekidsandgrandkids,ourfamilyandfriendscouldgather.And,ofcourse,therewouldhavetobeafireplace.

Petewasastonemasonbytrade.Hehadalreadystonedeverythingelseinsight—upstairsfireplace,walls,flowerandshrubbeds,walkwaysandsteps—andourranchstylehomewashandsomely

coveredwithroughfieldstone.GivingPeteahammerandchiselwaslikehandinganartistapaintbrush.Helovedhiswork,andhisworkalwaysreflectedhisnaturaltalent

andcreativity.

Sowhatwasthebigdealaboutstartingthefireplaceinthebasement?Whatwasthehold-up?Iwasanxious,butIknewgoodthingscometothosethatwait,thatthingshappenforareason,thatit’sallpartofamajorplan.

Justtwoweeksbeforeour

Linda Buckel lovingly shares her husband Pete’s stone fireplace

ftersomeoneyoulovedies,itcanbedifficulttothinkaboutthefuture.Youdreamedaboutthethingsyou

woulddotogether,plannedforgoodtimesyettocome,knewthatpersonwouldbetherebyyourside.Whenthepictureofthefuturechangessodrastically,it’spainfulatfirsttoevenlookatthepathahead.Onethoughtmanysurvivorsexpressinthebeginningis,“Idon’tknowhowIwilllivewithouthim.”Ittakessometimetobegintoforgeanewpath.

For Survivors of Fallen Firefighters

March / april 2011 issue 41

D r e a m s a r e n e c e s s a r y t o l i f e .

~ Anais Nin

Somepeoplebeginbycompletingadreamtheysharedwiththeirlovedone.Ifyouwereplanningamove,atrip,oraprojectatthetimeofyourlovedone’sdeath,completingthatgoalordreamcanbeawaytohonorthememoryofthepersonwhohelpeddreamit.Thoughitmaybebittersweet,thereisoftenalotofcomfortinseeingthedreamthrough.Inthisissue,survivorssharetheirstoriesofdreamscompleted.

The Gathering Place – A Dream Comes TrueBy Linda Buckel, wife of Joseph W. “Pete” Buckel (2005-MD)

continued on page 2

T h e f u t u r e b e l o n g s t o t h o s e w h o b e l i e v e i n t h e b e a u t y

o f t h e i r d r e a m s .

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

A

F

2 The Journey Issue41•March/April2011

Day,acrewoffamilyandclosefriendscametohelperectthelogs.Whatanexperiencethatwas!Ittooktheentirelongweekendtocompletethewallandrafters.Sincewewerehavingaverandastyleporchbothfrontandback,eachofthoseraftershadtobemadeonsite.

Untilthe4thofJuly,JimandIworkedonit,doingwhatthetwoofuscoulddowithouthelp.Onthe4th,agroupoffriendswhohadhelpedfromthebeginningcametoshingletheroof.Ofcourse,itwasoneofthehottestweekendsofthesummer.Theycouldonlyworkafewhoursinthe

retirementtriptoColorado,Petefinishedabeautifulstonefireplacethatcoveredoneentireendofthebasement.Iwasecstatic,andthebarnbeamthatPetehadchosenforthemantleevenhadalittleheartcarvedinitandbesideit,myinitials,LB.Ourdreamhadbegun,andafterourRockyMountainvacationwewouldgetbacktoworkandbringthisdreamtofruition.

Asfatewouldhaveit,Petenevergottofinishourbasement.TwoweeksafterreturningfromColorado,thisstrapping,strong,supposedlyhealthymandiedofamassiveheartattackrespondingtoalocalfirecall.Manydreamswereshatteredthatday.InthebeginningIcouldn’thavecaredlessaboutthebasementorthebeautifulfireplace.Icouldn’tthinkahead.Ididn’twanttothinkahead.Ijustwonderedhowlifewasgoingtogoonwithoutmyrock,mystrength,myPete.

Manysay,“Timehealsallwounds,”butIbelievethatitiswhatwedowithourtimethatmakesadifference.Griefcanbeverytimeconsuming,butIhavefoundthatitisthehopesandtheDREAMSofthepastthatdriveusintotherealitiesofanunknownfuture.

Twoyearsago,Ifoundacontractorthatmadethedreamofaspaciousroomareality.Descendingthestepstoournewfamilyroom,oneseesaledgewherefigurinesofafirefighter,firetruck,andaDalmatianhavebeenstrategicallyplaced,andabeamoflightshinesonasignthatreads,“TheGatheringPlace–WhereWarmMemoriesAreMadeWithFamilyandFriends.”Itisaplaceforcoffeeandconversation,brunch,lunchoradinnerparty,gameswiththekids,oraneveningofscrapbookingandTV.Itisaplaceofwarmthandremembrance,honoringthedreamsofthosepresentandpast,showcasingthehandiworkofthefirefighter/stonemasonthatplacedthefirstrockthatsetthisdreamintomotion.

The Gathering Placecontinued from page 1

A Dream FulfilledBy Barb Pelton, wife of James M. Pelton (2001-MI)

yhusbandJim’sdreamwastobuildalogcabinon12acreswehadinthelowernorthernpeninsula

ofMichigan.Thespringbeforehewaskilled,weharvestedourhardwoodtreesonourfarmtouseasbeamsandtocuttosizeforhardwoodfloors.Onourlandupnorth,wehadmatureredpines,alongwithalargefieldofChristmastrees.Webegancutting,shaping,andtakingthebarkoffthenumberoflogsneededtobuildourcabin.Thelogswerestackedandcoveredforthewinterof2000.

Inthespringof2001,JimbeganmakingtheareaamongtheChristmastreesreadyforthelogs,andonMemorial

Three stages of construction of Barb & Jim Pelton’s cabin: 1. walls; 2. roof; 3. finished!

M

TheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation 3

morning,stop,thenpickupagaininthelateafternoon.Mondaymorning,theyfinishedasuper“hot”job.

ThelasttimeJimworkedonthecabin,hehungthepainteddoorshehadmade.Theystillhavehisfingerprintsbecausetheyweren’tquitedrywhenhehungthem.

AfterJim’sdeathinAugust,myonewishwastobeabletofinishhisdream.ItwasonlythroughtheorganizationalskillsofourfriendStanthatittookplace.IwasinchargeofallmealsandhelpedoutwhereIcould.Insulationin

A Dream Fulfilledcontinued from page 2

continued on page 4

roof,wallserectedoninside,cornblastedtocleanlogsinsideandout,windowsinstalled,chinkingoflogs,porchfloorsdone,stainingoflogsinsideandout,plussealingitall.Thatdoesn’tincludelaying,sanding,andfinishingthehardwoodfloorsinside;paintingthefewwallsthatneededit;competingthekitchenandbathroom;andinstallingthewasheranddryer.

IttooklongerthanJimhadhoped,butweareenjoying“Jim’sDream.”Itwasthroughourfiredepartment,family,andfriendsthathisdream“lives.”ThisisdefinitelyacabinthatLOVEbuilt.

Dreams CompletedBy Melissa Woitalewicz, wife of Kenny Woitalewicz (2004-NE)

alentine’sDay…..adaythatisspentsendingflowers,candy,cardsandhavingdinnerwith

yoursweetheart.Well,formostthat’showit’sspent.In2004,wespentitintheICU,notknowingifmyhusbandof14years,CaptainKennyWoitalewicz,wouldpullthrough.Alongwithhisfellowfirefighter,CaptainBobHeminger,KennyrespondedtoahousefireintheearlymorninghoursofValentine’sDay.Theroofcollapsedastheyattemptedtorescueanelderlylady.Bobdiedthenextday,andKennysuccumbedtohisinjuriestwodayslater.

KennyandImetinSeptember1987andweremarriedinJune1990,inthetownwenowcalledhome.Wewereblessedwithtwoboys,Matthew,age10,andRyan,age4,atthetime.

Therewasahomethatwebothdrovebydaily,waitingforthedaytheownerswouldputa“ForSale”signintheyard.

V Itfinallyhappened,andwebecameproudownersofthathome.Wealsopurchasedacornerlotdownthestreet,andKenny’sdreamwastosomedaymoveourhometothatlotandmakeitarentalproperty,andbuildusanewhomeonthelotonwhichwelived.

Weeksbeforetheaccident,wewenttothebankwiththefloorplans,andwewereintheprocessofworkingoutall

thedetails.TheValentine’sDayaccidentputahalttoallofthosedreams.Iknewitwasn’tsomethingIcoulddo.Ihadabsolutelynoideahowtobuildahouse,letalonemoveone!!

Afewmonthslater,talkstartedaboutfulfillingthedreamthatKennyhad

startedforhisfamily.Iwasreluctant.Iwasn’tsurewhatIwasgettingmyselfortheboysinto.Ididn’tthinkIcouldpullthisalltogetherandmanagetomakeitworklikehewanted.WefoundalittleblackbookinKenny’s

Matthew and Ryan Woitalewicz on the porch of their new home.

4 The Journey Issue41•March/April2011

hoursfromourhomeinSt.John’stoour“camp”intheUP,wespentmanyfour-dayweekendsplanninganddreamingaboutthedayconstructionofourloghomewouldbegin.Itwassomuchfun!

In2006,Timretired,andwestartedgettingtheSt.John’shomereadytosell.In2007,ouroldestdaughtermarriedinApril,Iretired,andourseconddaughterwouldmarryinOctober.Lifewasgood.Ourplanswereontrack.AllofthatchangedwhenTimsufferedaheartattackataresidentialstructurefireanddiedenroutetothehospital.IwenttoLoonLandingin2007,andIwasinafog.

Idecidedtospendthesummerof2008intheUP.Tim’spresencewassostrongthere.Ididalotofthinking,sortingthingsoutandsoulsearching.Someoneoncetoldmenottomakeanymajordecisionsforthreeyears.Thatwasgoodadvice.Ifound,though,thatastimepassedmy

pickupthathadnames,phonenumbers,andbidsthathehadgottenondoingsomeofthework.Hehadthingssoplannedoutalreadythatacontractorwashiredandworkbegan!!Wemovedthecurrenthometothecornerlot,andworkbeganonthenewhome.Theboyswereabletopickthelocationoftheirbedroomsinthebasementwhenthewallswerebeingpoured.Anewhousewasonitsway.

InSeptember2004,thenewhomewasfinished,andwewerelivinginthedreamhomethatwehadplannedsomanyyearsbefore.TheonlypartthatwasdifferentwasthatKennywasn’theretoshareitwithus.Hehadlookedforwardtohearingthekidsrunningupanddownthebasementstairstotheirbedrooms,andhecouldn’twaittohaveafamilyroomwherewecouldallspendaSundayafternoonwatchingmovies.Sincemovingin,we’vemadeacornerroominthebasementwithadisplaycaseforallthememorabiliapieceswe’vegottenovertheyearsinhishonor.

Dreams Completedcontinued from page 3

continued on page 5

TheboysandIalsoworkedhardatmakinganotherofKenny’sdreamsbecomeareality.Asownerofthelocallaundromat/carwash,Kennywantedtoupdatethefacilitytobemoremodernanduserfriendly.Hewasintheprocessoftearingouttheoldflooring,installingnewwalls,andpaintingtheinsideofthelaundromat.Whilethecontractorsweredoingworkonthehouses,theboysandIwereabletofinishtherenovation.Wepurchasedsixnewwashersandanewdryer.Hisdreamofhavinganupdatedfacilitywascompleted!!

Kennywasadedicatedfatherandhusband,wonderfulson,brotherandfriendandismissedbyallwhoknewandlovedhim.Wetreasurethe“Iloveyou.”wereceivedfromhimonthatspecialmorningofFebruary14,2004,ashewalkedoutthatdoor.Eventhoughhemaybegonefromourlives,hestillholdsaspecialplaceinourhearts,andhe’llneverbeforgotten.Wearelivinginthedreamhomehehadenvisionedforhisfamily.Kennywasalwaysourhero;nowhe’severyone’shero.

After The StormBy Marie Sanborn, wife of Timothy Sanborn (2007-MI)

As the s torm passes and the fog c lears, there i s a promise o f a ra inbow.

n1990,TimandIpackedupourthreedaughters,twodogsandatentandheadednorthacrosstheMackinac

BridgetovacationinMichigan’sUpperPeninsula,theUP.Westoppedatarealtor’sofficethatwasadvertisingLakeSuperiorfrontagelotsforsale.AftertakingthelocalboattourtoseethePicturedRocks,werealizedhowbeautifultheareawas.Wewalkedthelakelotthatwasadvertised,wentbacktotherealtor’sofficeandboughtit.Justlikethat!TimsaidthatitwasthefastestthingI’devermademymindupon…otherthanhim,ofcourse!

Forthenextseveralyearswecampedonourproperty;firstinatent,theninacamper.Wedreamedofbuildingaloghomesomeday.Whenthelotnexttoourswentupforsale,weboughtit,too.Almosthadtoselloneofthekidsandthedog,butwemadeithappen!

In2000,“LoonLanding,”ourlog-sidedgarage,wasbuilt,withanapartmentabove.Thisgotusoutofthecamper...ahhh...aflushingtoiletandhotshower!Travelingsix

I

5 The Journey Issue41•March/April2011

feelingswerechanging.TheUPjustfeltright.Duringthesummerof2009,IdecidedtomoveforwardwiththedreamthatTimandIhadtogethertobuildourloghome.ItwassomethingIhadtofinishforTimandformyself.Ididnotwanttolivewiththeunansweredquestionsof“What if?”or“What could

have been?”ButhowwouldIfeeloncethehousewascompleted?

IcontactedBillWalther,themanwhobuiltthegarage,whomItrustedandwhoadvisedme.Webeganconstruction.Itwasemotional.Whendecisionshadtobemadeaboutplumbing,electrical,thingsIknewnothingabout,Ibecamedepressed.WhenIhadsomecrazyidea,Billwouldbringmebacktoreality.Afriendshipwithhisentirefamilyandtheworkcrewformed,andIknowthatifIeverneedanyhelp

withanything,theywillbethereforme.Ididn’thavetocompromiseaboutcolors,flooringorcounters.IwasgettingeverythingIwanted.Itwasexciting!Butthen,aflashofangerwouldcome,andtheguiltofenjoyingourdreamwithoutTimwasoverwhelming.Webothworkedsohard

forthistohappen.Weshouldbemakingthesedecisionstogether!

Mydaughterswerenothappywithmydecisiontomovesofaraway.But,throughthisprocesstheyhavecometorealizethatthisisrightforme.Ihaveawesomeneighbors,amingoodhealth,andcandomostthingsbymyself.Ihavefoundaconfidenceand

strengththatIdidn’tknowIhad.What’smostimportant,though,isthatIhavefoundanew“normal”andcomfort.Memoriesdogowithyou,whereveryouare.Iamhappyandlivingeachdaytoitsfullestwithnoregrets.Timwouldbeproud.

After the Stormcontinued from page 4

Dreams can come t rue...The pieces shared in The Journey belong solely to the authors and may not be reprinted in part or whole without the authors’ permission.

NEW in the Foundation’s Lending Library

Military Widow: A Survival Guide

ByJoanneM.Steen,MS,NCC,andM.ReginaAsaro,MS,RN,CT

Writtenspecificallyformilitarysurvivorsandco-writtenbyamilitarywidow,thisbookcontainsalotofinformationthatmay

behelpfultofireservicewidowsaswell.Itcoverstopicsincludingsuddendeath,mythsaboutgrief,whattodowithwedding

jewelryandmemorabilia,widowhumor,copingwithsignificantdates,anddating(ornot).Thebookisveryuser-friendly,

organizedinshortchapters,andpresentedwithbothpracticalityandhumor.Onewifeofafallenfirefighterhadthistosay:

“The book is wonderful! Just as there are specific issues with a military widow, there are some specific issues with a firefighter widow.

With all of the specific issues aside, I have found in my work with widows that there is more common ground than

not. I love this book because it speaks from the heart. I used part of it last night with a group of widows. I love

it and plan to use it tonight in another grief share group.”

Toborrowthisandotherbooksfreeofcharge,readreviews,orbuyyourowncopythroughthe

Amazon.comaffiliateprogram,visittheFamilyProgramssectionatwww.firehero.orgorcontactPatat

pstonaker@firehero.orgor(301)447-1365.

Marie Sanborn in front of her dream log home on Michigan’s UP.

TheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation 6

This project was supported by Grant #2009-PS-DX-K016, awarded by the Bureau of Justice Assistance. The Bureau of Justice Assistance is a component of the Office of Justice Programs, which also includes the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the National Institute of Justice, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, and the Office for Victims of Crime. Points of view or opinions in this document are those of the author(s) and do not represent the official position or policies of the United States Department of Justice.

N a t i o n a l F a l l e n F i r e f i g h t e r s F o u n d a t i o n • P. O . D r a w e r 4 9 8 , E m m i t s b u r g , M D 2 1 7 2 7

(301) 447-1365 f i r ehe ro@f i r ehe ro .o rg

We want to hear from you about…

Public Safety Officers’ Benefits Programs (PSOB)

Toll-free: 1-888-744-6513

Enactedin1976,

thePublicSafety

Officers’Benefits

(PSOB)Programs

areauniquepartnershipeffortofthePSOBOffice,

BureauofJusticeAssistance(BJA),U.S.Department

ofJusticeandlocal,state,andfederalpublicsafety

agenciesandnationalorganizations,suchasthe

NationalFallenFirefightersFoundation,toprovide

death,disability,andeducationbenefitstothose

eligibleforthePrograms.

Did you know…

ThePublicSafetyOfficers’Benefits(PSOB)

Officeconsidersitanhonortoadministerits

benefitprogramsonbehalfofAmerica’sfallenand

catastrophicallyinjuredpublicsafetyofficersand

theirlovedones.Tofurtherhonorthenation’sfallen

firefighters,inApril2011,thePSOBOfficewill

offeradisplay—TheHeroesWalk—recognizing

fallenfirefighterswhosePSOBclaimsarecurrently

activeorwereapprovedinthepast18months.

Photographsofthisdisplaywillbeavailablethrough

NFFFinupcomingmonths.

Griefcanbeaveryphysicalexperience.Likeotherformsofstress,itcanaffectoverallhealth,stamina,appetite,immunefunction,and

existinghealthconditions.Whathaveyoulearnedabout

grief’seffectsonyourbodyandhowtohandlethat?Whatsuggestionsdoyouhaveforothersabouthowtodealwiththephysicalaspectsofgrief?

Ifyou’dliketoshareyourthoughtsonthistopicorotheraspectsofyourjourney,pleasesendaWorddocumentore-mailtoJennyWoodallatjwoodall@firehero.orgbyMay9,2011.Ifyoudon’tdocomputers,sendatypedorneatlyhandwrittencopyto:

TheJourneyNationalFallenFirefightersFoundationP.O.Drawer498Emmitsburg,MD21727