~ anais nin · 2017. 6. 3. · ~ anais nin some people begin by completing a dream they shared with...
TRANSCRIPT
ormonths,bucketsofsandandcement,andtonsoffieldstonelinedthewallsofourunfinished
basement.Itwasourdreamtoconvertthisbigspaceintoaplacewherethekidsandgrandkids,ourfamilyandfriendscouldgather.And,ofcourse,therewouldhavetobeafireplace.
Petewasastonemasonbytrade.Hehadalreadystonedeverythingelseinsight—upstairsfireplace,walls,flowerandshrubbeds,walkwaysandsteps—andourranchstylehomewashandsomely
coveredwithroughfieldstone.GivingPeteahammerandchiselwaslikehandinganartistapaintbrush.Helovedhiswork,andhisworkalwaysreflectedhisnaturaltalent
andcreativity.
Sowhatwasthebigdealaboutstartingthefireplaceinthebasement?Whatwasthehold-up?Iwasanxious,butIknewgoodthingscometothosethatwait,thatthingshappenforareason,thatit’sallpartofamajorplan.
Justtwoweeksbeforeour
Linda Buckel lovingly shares her husband Pete’s stone fireplace
ftersomeoneyoulovedies,itcanbedifficulttothinkaboutthefuture.Youdreamedaboutthethingsyou
woulddotogether,plannedforgoodtimesyettocome,knewthatpersonwouldbetherebyyourside.Whenthepictureofthefuturechangessodrastically,it’spainfulatfirsttoevenlookatthepathahead.Onethoughtmanysurvivorsexpressinthebeginningis,“Idon’tknowhowIwilllivewithouthim.”Ittakessometimetobegintoforgeanewpath.
For Survivors of Fallen Firefighters
March / april 2011 issue 41
D r e a m s a r e n e c e s s a r y t o l i f e .
~ Anais Nin
Somepeoplebeginbycompletingadreamtheysharedwiththeirlovedone.Ifyouwereplanningamove,atrip,oraprojectatthetimeofyourlovedone’sdeath,completingthatgoalordreamcanbeawaytohonorthememoryofthepersonwhohelpeddreamit.Thoughitmaybebittersweet,thereisoftenalotofcomfortinseeingthedreamthrough.Inthisissue,survivorssharetheirstoriesofdreamscompleted.
The Gathering Place – A Dream Comes TrueBy Linda Buckel, wife of Joseph W. “Pete” Buckel (2005-MD)
continued on page 2
T h e f u t u r e b e l o n g s t o t h o s e w h o b e l i e v e i n t h e b e a u t y
o f t h e i r d r e a m s .
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
A
F
2 The Journey Issue41•March/April2011
Day,acrewoffamilyandclosefriendscametohelperectthelogs.Whatanexperiencethatwas!Ittooktheentirelongweekendtocompletethewallandrafters.Sincewewerehavingaverandastyleporchbothfrontandback,eachofthoseraftershadtobemadeonsite.
Untilthe4thofJuly,JimandIworkedonit,doingwhatthetwoofuscoulddowithouthelp.Onthe4th,agroupoffriendswhohadhelpedfromthebeginningcametoshingletheroof.Ofcourse,itwasoneofthehottestweekendsofthesummer.Theycouldonlyworkafewhoursinthe
retirementtriptoColorado,Petefinishedabeautifulstonefireplacethatcoveredoneentireendofthebasement.Iwasecstatic,andthebarnbeamthatPetehadchosenforthemantleevenhadalittleheartcarvedinitandbesideit,myinitials,LB.Ourdreamhadbegun,andafterourRockyMountainvacationwewouldgetbacktoworkandbringthisdreamtofruition.
Asfatewouldhaveit,Petenevergottofinishourbasement.TwoweeksafterreturningfromColorado,thisstrapping,strong,supposedlyhealthymandiedofamassiveheartattackrespondingtoalocalfirecall.Manydreamswereshatteredthatday.InthebeginningIcouldn’thavecaredlessaboutthebasementorthebeautifulfireplace.Icouldn’tthinkahead.Ididn’twanttothinkahead.Ijustwonderedhowlifewasgoingtogoonwithoutmyrock,mystrength,myPete.
Manysay,“Timehealsallwounds,”butIbelievethatitiswhatwedowithourtimethatmakesadifference.Griefcanbeverytimeconsuming,butIhavefoundthatitisthehopesandtheDREAMSofthepastthatdriveusintotherealitiesofanunknownfuture.
Twoyearsago,Ifoundacontractorthatmadethedreamofaspaciousroomareality.Descendingthestepstoournewfamilyroom,oneseesaledgewherefigurinesofafirefighter,firetruck,andaDalmatianhavebeenstrategicallyplaced,andabeamoflightshinesonasignthatreads,“TheGatheringPlace–WhereWarmMemoriesAreMadeWithFamilyandFriends.”Itisaplaceforcoffeeandconversation,brunch,lunchoradinnerparty,gameswiththekids,oraneveningofscrapbookingandTV.Itisaplaceofwarmthandremembrance,honoringthedreamsofthosepresentandpast,showcasingthehandiworkofthefirefighter/stonemasonthatplacedthefirstrockthatsetthisdreamintomotion.
The Gathering Placecontinued from page 1
A Dream FulfilledBy Barb Pelton, wife of James M. Pelton (2001-MI)
yhusbandJim’sdreamwastobuildalogcabinon12acreswehadinthelowernorthernpeninsula
ofMichigan.Thespringbeforehewaskilled,weharvestedourhardwoodtreesonourfarmtouseasbeamsandtocuttosizeforhardwoodfloors.Onourlandupnorth,wehadmatureredpines,alongwithalargefieldofChristmastrees.Webegancutting,shaping,andtakingthebarkoffthenumberoflogsneededtobuildourcabin.Thelogswerestackedandcoveredforthewinterof2000.
Inthespringof2001,JimbeganmakingtheareaamongtheChristmastreesreadyforthelogs,andonMemorial
Three stages of construction of Barb & Jim Pelton’s cabin: 1. walls; 2. roof; 3. finished!
M
TheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation 3
morning,stop,thenpickupagaininthelateafternoon.Mondaymorning,theyfinishedasuper“hot”job.
ThelasttimeJimworkedonthecabin,hehungthepainteddoorshehadmade.Theystillhavehisfingerprintsbecausetheyweren’tquitedrywhenhehungthem.
AfterJim’sdeathinAugust,myonewishwastobeabletofinishhisdream.ItwasonlythroughtheorganizationalskillsofourfriendStanthatittookplace.IwasinchargeofallmealsandhelpedoutwhereIcould.Insulationin
A Dream Fulfilledcontinued from page 2
continued on page 4
roof,wallserectedoninside,cornblastedtocleanlogsinsideandout,windowsinstalled,chinkingoflogs,porchfloorsdone,stainingoflogsinsideandout,plussealingitall.Thatdoesn’tincludelaying,sanding,andfinishingthehardwoodfloorsinside;paintingthefewwallsthatneededit;competingthekitchenandbathroom;andinstallingthewasheranddryer.
IttooklongerthanJimhadhoped,butweareenjoying“Jim’sDream.”Itwasthroughourfiredepartment,family,andfriendsthathisdream“lives.”ThisisdefinitelyacabinthatLOVEbuilt.
Dreams CompletedBy Melissa Woitalewicz, wife of Kenny Woitalewicz (2004-NE)
alentine’sDay…..adaythatisspentsendingflowers,candy,cardsandhavingdinnerwith
yoursweetheart.Well,formostthat’showit’sspent.In2004,wespentitintheICU,notknowingifmyhusbandof14years,CaptainKennyWoitalewicz,wouldpullthrough.Alongwithhisfellowfirefighter,CaptainBobHeminger,KennyrespondedtoahousefireintheearlymorninghoursofValentine’sDay.Theroofcollapsedastheyattemptedtorescueanelderlylady.Bobdiedthenextday,andKennysuccumbedtohisinjuriestwodayslater.
KennyandImetinSeptember1987andweremarriedinJune1990,inthetownwenowcalledhome.Wewereblessedwithtwoboys,Matthew,age10,andRyan,age4,atthetime.
Therewasahomethatwebothdrovebydaily,waitingforthedaytheownerswouldputa“ForSale”signintheyard.
V Itfinallyhappened,andwebecameproudownersofthathome.Wealsopurchasedacornerlotdownthestreet,andKenny’sdreamwastosomedaymoveourhometothatlotandmakeitarentalproperty,andbuildusanewhomeonthelotonwhichwelived.
Weeksbeforetheaccident,wewenttothebankwiththefloorplans,andwewereintheprocessofworkingoutall
thedetails.TheValentine’sDayaccidentputahalttoallofthosedreams.Iknewitwasn’tsomethingIcoulddo.Ihadabsolutelynoideahowtobuildahouse,letalonemoveone!!
Afewmonthslater,talkstartedaboutfulfillingthedreamthatKennyhad
startedforhisfamily.Iwasreluctant.Iwasn’tsurewhatIwasgettingmyselfortheboysinto.Ididn’tthinkIcouldpullthisalltogetherandmanagetomakeitworklikehewanted.WefoundalittleblackbookinKenny’s
Matthew and Ryan Woitalewicz on the porch of their new home.
4 The Journey Issue41•March/April2011
hoursfromourhomeinSt.John’stoour“camp”intheUP,wespentmanyfour-dayweekendsplanninganddreamingaboutthedayconstructionofourloghomewouldbegin.Itwassomuchfun!
In2006,Timretired,andwestartedgettingtheSt.John’shomereadytosell.In2007,ouroldestdaughtermarriedinApril,Iretired,andourseconddaughterwouldmarryinOctober.Lifewasgood.Ourplanswereontrack.AllofthatchangedwhenTimsufferedaheartattackataresidentialstructurefireanddiedenroutetothehospital.IwenttoLoonLandingin2007,andIwasinafog.
Idecidedtospendthesummerof2008intheUP.Tim’spresencewassostrongthere.Ididalotofthinking,sortingthingsoutandsoulsearching.Someoneoncetoldmenottomakeanymajordecisionsforthreeyears.Thatwasgoodadvice.Ifound,though,thatastimepassedmy
pickupthathadnames,phonenumbers,andbidsthathehadgottenondoingsomeofthework.Hehadthingssoplannedoutalreadythatacontractorwashiredandworkbegan!!Wemovedthecurrenthometothecornerlot,andworkbeganonthenewhome.Theboyswereabletopickthelocationoftheirbedroomsinthebasementwhenthewallswerebeingpoured.Anewhousewasonitsway.
InSeptember2004,thenewhomewasfinished,andwewerelivinginthedreamhomethatwehadplannedsomanyyearsbefore.TheonlypartthatwasdifferentwasthatKennywasn’theretoshareitwithus.Hehadlookedforwardtohearingthekidsrunningupanddownthebasementstairstotheirbedrooms,andhecouldn’twaittohaveafamilyroomwherewecouldallspendaSundayafternoonwatchingmovies.Sincemovingin,we’vemadeacornerroominthebasementwithadisplaycaseforallthememorabiliapieceswe’vegottenovertheyearsinhishonor.
Dreams Completedcontinued from page 3
continued on page 5
TheboysandIalsoworkedhardatmakinganotherofKenny’sdreamsbecomeareality.Asownerofthelocallaundromat/carwash,Kennywantedtoupdatethefacilitytobemoremodernanduserfriendly.Hewasintheprocessoftearingouttheoldflooring,installingnewwalls,andpaintingtheinsideofthelaundromat.Whilethecontractorsweredoingworkonthehouses,theboysandIwereabletofinishtherenovation.Wepurchasedsixnewwashersandanewdryer.Hisdreamofhavinganupdatedfacilitywascompleted!!
Kennywasadedicatedfatherandhusband,wonderfulson,brotherandfriendandismissedbyallwhoknewandlovedhim.Wetreasurethe“Iloveyou.”wereceivedfromhimonthatspecialmorningofFebruary14,2004,ashewalkedoutthatdoor.Eventhoughhemaybegonefromourlives,hestillholdsaspecialplaceinourhearts,andhe’llneverbeforgotten.Wearelivinginthedreamhomehehadenvisionedforhisfamily.Kennywasalwaysourhero;nowhe’severyone’shero.
After The StormBy Marie Sanborn, wife of Timothy Sanborn (2007-MI)
As the s torm passes and the fog c lears, there i s a promise o f a ra inbow.
n1990,TimandIpackedupourthreedaughters,twodogsandatentandheadednorthacrosstheMackinac
BridgetovacationinMichigan’sUpperPeninsula,theUP.Westoppedatarealtor’sofficethatwasadvertisingLakeSuperiorfrontagelotsforsale.AftertakingthelocalboattourtoseethePicturedRocks,werealizedhowbeautifultheareawas.Wewalkedthelakelotthatwasadvertised,wentbacktotherealtor’sofficeandboughtit.Justlikethat!TimsaidthatitwasthefastestthingI’devermademymindupon…otherthanhim,ofcourse!
Forthenextseveralyearswecampedonourproperty;firstinatent,theninacamper.Wedreamedofbuildingaloghomesomeday.Whenthelotnexttoourswentupforsale,weboughtit,too.Almosthadtoselloneofthekidsandthedog,butwemadeithappen!
In2000,“LoonLanding,”ourlog-sidedgarage,wasbuilt,withanapartmentabove.Thisgotusoutofthecamper...ahhh...aflushingtoiletandhotshower!Travelingsix
I
5 The Journey Issue41•March/April2011
feelingswerechanging.TheUPjustfeltright.Duringthesummerof2009,IdecidedtomoveforwardwiththedreamthatTimandIhadtogethertobuildourloghome.ItwassomethingIhadtofinishforTimandformyself.Ididnotwanttolivewiththeunansweredquestionsof“What if?”or“What could
have been?”ButhowwouldIfeeloncethehousewascompleted?
IcontactedBillWalther,themanwhobuiltthegarage,whomItrustedandwhoadvisedme.Webeganconstruction.Itwasemotional.Whendecisionshadtobemadeaboutplumbing,electrical,thingsIknewnothingabout,Ibecamedepressed.WhenIhadsomecrazyidea,Billwouldbringmebacktoreality.Afriendshipwithhisentirefamilyandtheworkcrewformed,andIknowthatifIeverneedanyhelp
withanything,theywillbethereforme.Ididn’thavetocompromiseaboutcolors,flooringorcounters.IwasgettingeverythingIwanted.Itwasexciting!Butthen,aflashofangerwouldcome,andtheguiltofenjoyingourdreamwithoutTimwasoverwhelming.Webothworkedsohard
forthistohappen.Weshouldbemakingthesedecisionstogether!
Mydaughterswerenothappywithmydecisiontomovesofaraway.But,throughthisprocesstheyhavecometorealizethatthisisrightforme.Ihaveawesomeneighbors,amingoodhealth,andcandomostthingsbymyself.Ihavefoundaconfidenceand
strengththatIdidn’tknowIhad.What’smostimportant,though,isthatIhavefoundanew“normal”andcomfort.Memoriesdogowithyou,whereveryouare.Iamhappyandlivingeachdaytoitsfullestwithnoregrets.Timwouldbeproud.
After the Stormcontinued from page 4
Dreams can come t rue...The pieces shared in The Journey belong solely to the authors and may not be reprinted in part or whole without the authors’ permission.
NEW in the Foundation’s Lending Library
Military Widow: A Survival Guide
ByJoanneM.Steen,MS,NCC,andM.ReginaAsaro,MS,RN,CT
Writtenspecificallyformilitarysurvivorsandco-writtenbyamilitarywidow,thisbookcontainsalotofinformationthatmay
behelpfultofireservicewidowsaswell.Itcoverstopicsincludingsuddendeath,mythsaboutgrief,whattodowithwedding
jewelryandmemorabilia,widowhumor,copingwithsignificantdates,anddating(ornot).Thebookisveryuser-friendly,
organizedinshortchapters,andpresentedwithbothpracticalityandhumor.Onewifeofafallenfirefighterhadthistosay:
“The book is wonderful! Just as there are specific issues with a military widow, there are some specific issues with a firefighter widow.
With all of the specific issues aside, I have found in my work with widows that there is more common ground than
not. I love this book because it speaks from the heart. I used part of it last night with a group of widows. I love
it and plan to use it tonight in another grief share group.”
Toborrowthisandotherbooksfreeofcharge,readreviews,orbuyyourowncopythroughthe
Amazon.comaffiliateprogram,visittheFamilyProgramssectionatwww.firehero.orgorcontactPatat
[email protected](301)447-1365.
Marie Sanborn in front of her dream log home on Michigan’s UP.
TheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation 6
This project was supported by Grant #2009-PS-DX-K016, awarded by the Bureau of Justice Assistance. The Bureau of Justice Assistance is a component of the Office of Justice Programs, which also includes the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the National Institute of Justice, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, and the Office for Victims of Crime. Points of view or opinions in this document are those of the author(s) and do not represent the official position or policies of the United States Department of Justice.
N a t i o n a l F a l l e n F i r e f i g h t e r s F o u n d a t i o n • P. O . D r a w e r 4 9 8 , E m m i t s b u r g , M D 2 1 7 2 7
(301) 447-1365 f i r ehe ro@f i r ehe ro .o rg
We want to hear from you about…
Public Safety Officers’ Benefits Programs (PSOB)
Toll-free: 1-888-744-6513
Enactedin1976,
thePublicSafety
Officers’Benefits
(PSOB)Programs
areauniquepartnershipeffortofthePSOBOffice,
BureauofJusticeAssistance(BJA),U.S.Department
ofJusticeandlocal,state,andfederalpublicsafety
agenciesandnationalorganizations,suchasthe
NationalFallenFirefightersFoundation,toprovide
death,disability,andeducationbenefitstothose
eligibleforthePrograms.
Did you know…
ThePublicSafetyOfficers’Benefits(PSOB)
Officeconsidersitanhonortoadministerits
benefitprogramsonbehalfofAmerica’sfallenand
catastrophicallyinjuredpublicsafetyofficersand
theirlovedones.Tofurtherhonorthenation’sfallen
firefighters,inApril2011,thePSOBOfficewill
offeradisplay—TheHeroesWalk—recognizing
fallenfirefighterswhosePSOBclaimsarecurrently
activeorwereapprovedinthepast18months.
Photographsofthisdisplaywillbeavailablethrough
NFFFinupcomingmonths.
Griefcanbeaveryphysicalexperience.Likeotherformsofstress,itcanaffectoverallhealth,stamina,appetite,immunefunction,and
existinghealthconditions.Whathaveyoulearnedabout
grief’seffectsonyourbodyandhowtohandlethat?Whatsuggestionsdoyouhaveforothersabouthowtodealwiththephysicalaspectsofgrief?
Ifyou’dliketoshareyourthoughtsonthistopicorotheraspectsofyourjourney,pleasesendaWorddocumentore-mailtoJennyWoodallatjwoodall@firehero.orgbyMay9,2011.Ifyoudon’tdocomputers,sendatypedorneatlyhandwrittencopyto:
TheJourneyNationalFallenFirefightersFoundationP.O.Drawer498Emmitsburg,MD21727