all rights reserved.d24hgfq776jotr.cloudfront.net/obsessionph/when-he-pulls...assumptions are your...

25
1

Upload: others

Post on 23-May-2020

3 views

Category:

Documents


0 download

TRANSCRIPT

1

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © Kelsey Diamond and obsessionphrases.com

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any formor by any means, electrical or mechanical, including photocopyingand recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system

without permission in writing from the author.

Disclaimer:

This book is written for informational purposes only. The author hasmade every effort to make sure the information is complete and

accurate. All attempts have been made to verify information at thetime of this publication and the authors do not assume any

responsibility for errors, omissions, or other interpretations of thesubject matter. The publisher and author shall have neither liabilitynor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss ordamage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by this

book.

2

Now before I even start to scratch the surface of this topic, I must do the responsible thing and issue a fair warning. You’re probably more than a little bit familiar with those tiny little warning blurbs you see all of the time when you buy a brand new appliance like a hairdryer or blender.

Let me begin by telling you a little something about men that you may or may not be one hundred percent aware.

This is only an introductory step into the pool, but by the end ofthe section, you will have taken a complete dive into deepest depths everyday male peculiarities.

Now it’s only one thing to just understand these odd behaviors that we’re going to be exploring, but what’s perhaps even more important than that is having the necessary skills to fully tackle those behaviors when they arise.

There are just far too many perfectly smart, wonderful, beautiful and intelligent ladies at a loss for ways to deal with extremely irregular (yet ultimately explainable) behavior exhibited by a man that they’re making some attempt at havinga relationship with.

One of the troubling, unexpected behaviors exhibited by these men is their tendency to suddenly break off contact without reason or rhyme – this can potentially drive even the most seasoned and mature woman complete crazy with confusion.

In order to take the first steps towards not getting sideswiped by a man suddenly withdrawing, you should keep this incrediblysimple metaphor in mind – a man is like an electrical appliance,

3

and like any electrical appliance, it is entirely possible to understand the way that man functions.

Once you learn some of the basic bolts and wires of men, you’ll know exactly what to do so that whenever a man is in presence, you’ll know what to do so that he can function in top form.

Of course, anyone who uses appliances in their home on a dailybasis understands that there are times when the appliance doesn’t properly function no matter how much you tinker with it.

These guidelines may not always guarantee unconditional success, because in terms of appliances, sometimes you have to accept that some men are just “wired” incorrectly.

You may be more or less familiar with the behavior patterns of man who clearly don’t have a maturity level that’s congruent with their biological age.

These types of men might be prone to pouting like a toddler every time they don’t get their way, or even worse, actually throwing a tantrum that would put a toddler to complete shame.

The tantrum-throwing man is basically a toddler’s mind piloting an adult body. He has developed no mature skills for dealing with the lack of instant gratification, and so to compensate, he fights back by ignoring the people who he believes haven’t given him his unearned due. To the childish man, wanting is synonymous with deserving.

4

The emotionally immature man is often a dedicated contrarian, prepared to disagree with anyone beyond rationalization just to prove a point or perpetuate a false image of intelligence. He willbe unrelentingly critical of you and everyone else who does or says something he doesn’t comprehend, and will almost never realize his own shortcomings.

On the other side of the coin, this man is well-versed in the art of overcompensating for his social deficiencies with hollow acts of feigned sweetness through gift-giving and recycled compliments.

In moments of weaker or impaired perception, a woman may wind up getting hoodwinked by one of these opportunistic losers with decent hair and a silver tongue.

If you remain vigilant and always keep some of your guard up, however, you’ll see these saccharine suckers swiftly turn bitter and reveal their true colors when the “nice guy” act doesn’t work out for him.

These are the type of men who do not wish for justice, only acquittals. To these men, the ends justify the means as long as they get their way.

When you sense that one of these men may be on your trail, slice them out of your life as swiftly as possible. He may pretend to be interested, but the truth is that he doesn’t care about getting hitched to anyone for any other reason than to personally benefit.

The realm of empathy is beyond him, and he has filled the void with nothing more than useless trinkets to embellish the illusionof masculinity he lives and swears by. Your interests, friends, or

5

anything outside of his little isolated cubicle of a world mean absolutely nothing to him.

This man will do everything that he can in order to get you to buy the idea that he’s legitimately interested in you, but at the end of the day, it’s nothing more than a pitiful display to make him temporarily feel better about himself in order to make up for an unfortunate lack of redeeming personal qualities.

If you’ve been so unfortunate to have to deal with one of these 3rd-rate men more than twice, then you have my complete sympathies and my assurance that you are far from alone – every woman has to learn that rough lesson about once as a step towards becoming a more critical and accurate judge of character.

You have to understand, however, that this is not a reason to get discouraged. You are capable of finding a man who is actually knows the definitions of consideration and respect. You can find a man who is actually prepared to spend a life with youand wants to legitimately share life with you for what it is – an adventure, not an ego-measuring contest.

Returning to the electrical appliance metaphor, what needs to be understood here is that men are HARDWIRED – for better or worse, this means that you absolutely cannot change him. Trying to change a man is like trying to mix together oil and water, so you’re better off not wasting your time with something that has been failed for centuries.

Now if you have made peace with the basic understanding that there is absolutely no way that you can actively change a man to act in the way that you desire, we can move on ahead to the first step in the process that I have outlined for you here

6

When it comes to stable, secure and socially well-adjusted men,these guidelines have a considerably high rate of success. We are going to be focusing on the average man who is capable of loving you and has shown you that he legitimately cares about you more than a casual friend.

This high-quality man, in spite of how he honestly exhibits real care for you, might occasionally wind up not sharing as much with you as he formerly did.

All of a sudden, you start to get this ominous feeling within yourself that makes you start wondering about whether or not you might have made a mistake in your initial judgment of his character.

You might all of a sudden start wondering whether or not this guy you’re taking to is only going through a phase, or if he intends to emotionally distance himself from you for good. You start to get a certain fear response that goes off in the back of your head and makes you feel like you may be running out of time, and this triggers you to jump into action.

Now keep in mind that emotional withdrawal is not the same thing as a man being openly rude, inconsiderate or condescending towards you. Even a man who is usually a perfect gentleman may, on occasion, find himself in a position in life that compromises his readiness to be there for the peoplewho are closest to him.

If your man has suddenly become monosyllabic, or “grunty”, don’t immediately start wondering about the costs and benefits of banning him from the bedroom or strangling him – there are much more constructive ways to go about handling this issue.

7

There are two highly common things that a woman will usually say when they find that their man has suddenly stopped opening up as much as usual – these two responses are the products of paranoia and attitude respectively.

1. “Honey, are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?” (Paranoia)

2. And when he still doesn’t respond, “Fine! Don't tell me then!” (Attitude)

Now you probably already understand why neither of these two responses are conducive to actually improving the situation, butjust so that we can thoroughly cover all of our bases, let’s go over exactly what’s happening in the situation that creates these unfortunate responses in the women affected by cold men.

The truth is that a man may in fact actually be withdrawing when a woman is actively reaching out to him. Even though youwould think that higher emotional warmness should encourage reciprocal warmness, this is just not always the case.

Be aware, however, that I am not saying that this means that the man doesn’t actually want to know that you care. Quite the contrary! Men want a lot of different things, but ultimately, just about every one them wants to feel like there’s a woman in the world out there who actually cares about them as a person.

So knowing that your man does want to feel that you care, it’s obvious that trying to change him is the wrong way to go aboutfixing the situation. Instead of try to forcibly correct your man, your first attempt at a solution should actually be to try and learn why your man is acting in the manner that he is.

8

So Why Do Men Really Withdraw?

Though every situation definitely has its unique elements, we have developed a reliable way to find the common connecting lines that run between most of the scenarios in which a man suddenly becomes a lot less emotionally “there” as he used to be.

You need to understand that there is no reason to immediately take it personally. Before you know exactly what the cause of his behavior is, it’s a waste of your time to lose sleep over whether or not you may have done or said something negative. Assumptions are your worst enemy, so do the best you can to try and avoid letting them dictate your plan of action.

It may seem a little bit difficult to believe, but a man very well actually could be emotionally withdrawing due something that actually does concern you, but he’s just not yet sure of how to approach you about it. He could actually be wrestling with his own feelings while hoping that you don’t get fed up and leave before he can work things out inside

As a matter of fact, men are actually a lot more vulnerable to the effects of stress than you might think. Psychologically, men are more likely to exhibit a higher level of reactivity when certain things happen that they weren’t initially prepared for.

Because they have higher levels of emotional provocation,men are a lot less proficient at dealing with issues that center around emotional conflict – they are actually a lot more likely todo everything in their power to avoid a conflict if there is any way that they can help it.

In his heart of hearts, a man would like nothing more than to

9

back away from legitimate emotional conflict and wait until it blows over instead of facing it head-on. To them, emotional conflicts are like sparking exposed wires that they dread the idea of having to touch and directly fix.

Now, let’s move on to the next point of interest:

What Works for You, Might Not Actually Work For Him

As you can probably already understand, as a woman, your core is wired differently than a man’s. The things that work for you when it comes to relationship issue, work-related issue, family issue or any other kind of issue is never guaranteed to work out in the same way for him.

We may tend to take it a little bit more personally when the men we care about suddenly stop becoming as emotionally available as they used to, but there’s no need to waste your tears over it before you know the full story.

When your man doesn’t want to share with you what’s going onin his head, it can be frustrating to think about how the answersare so close when he’s around and yet they remain annoying faraway at every turn.

It feels like the right answer is surely to do everything in your power to help him out (and give yourself closure in meantime), but it just doesn’t seem like he lets you, no matter how persistent you are.

You can still have a healthy and passionate drive to want to help your man out in spite of his isolationist funk, but just never

10

forget the fact that what works for you as a woman is simply not guaranteed to work the same way for him as a man.

Allow him to retreat to his inner sanctum if that is what he trulydesires, and let him know that you will be there for him when he finally decides to reemerge – this is not only a lot more conducive to success, but also a very appreciable display of respect for the independence that he wants and deserves as grown man.

When he gathers that comforting calm that allows him to still the storm of his emotions, he will be ready to open up about those issues that muted him before he could finally make senseof them.

How Woman Usually Handle It When Men Withdraw

Now the knee-jerk reaction that most women have when their men start withdrawing is to become a little bit aggressive. The aggression is not necessarily destructive, but it born in the same place that generates her will to protect, assist and nurturethe man that she loves.

Without actually knowing what the specific root of your man’s struggles are, you’re probably always at least familiar with when something is clearly wrong with the way that your man is behaving. Your intuition will kick off the spark that tells you to start trying to fix things, and while well-intentioned, this is where the trouble usually starts.

When the man wants distance, the man wants distance – plain and simple. When the woman wants to be close and the man wants distance, is it really that hard to see how friction can start developing? The man already had to internally deal with the issue wearing away at his mind, but a woman pressuring

11

him to speak up about it will make things even more difficult.

He may not necessarily want to sound harsh when he responds a bit angrily, but at the end of the day, can you honestly blame the man for being a little bit frustrated at the fact that he can’t get the peace he needs to start communicating in the very first place?

Now when you see that he’s dealing with something that’s clearly affecting him more than just a little bit, you would do well to understand that his unwillingness to talk about it may not necessarily mean that he doesn’t want you to know about itat all – chances are he’s struggling with the right words to communicate exactly what’s going on, and doesn’t want to risk doing it improperly.

You should do your best to avoid following in the footsteps of women who got frustrated at the fact that their men didn’t respond to their invitations to openness in the way that they wanted, at their own pace.

It’s hypocritical to say that you care about your man if you passjudgment on him for his withdrawal before he’s comfortable enough with his issues to talk about them!

Understand Your Role in this Picture

As most women are completely unclear of what’s happening “under the hood” of their man’s psychology, they understandably have some challenges when it comes to understanding their own personal role in the grand scheme of their man’s struggles.

Unfortunately, there do come occasional times when a man may

12

actually perceive his woman’s good intentions as desperate clinginess and leave him feeling like the only thing that he can logically do is withdraw to place where he feels like he won’t have to be bothered by it. It won’t be entirely due to his annoyance, but it may perhaps be due to the fact that he actually feels unsafe.

When a man thinks that your potential expectations of way thathe should be thinking and dealing with your issues might legitimately be threatening his ability to feel peace, it’s only natural that he’d see the logical solution as breaking away from you if he has the ability – he may not even want to do it, but it will be part of his natural fight or flight response.

Getting angry with your man for his aloofness is easily the best way to ensure that you send him racing off for the hills as quickly as possible. No matter how justified you feel in coming down on him for being stand-offish, do not become the woman who makes things worse for her man by trying to help him in her own way.

There’s no doubting that you have emotional needs of your own, but making him aware of them in all of the wrong ways is not going to help anybody concerned – not you, and certainly not him either. Even if you don’t even want to, you can easily come across your man in an incredibly strong and imposing manner if you aren’t careful.

Here’s a simple list of some of the absolute worst ways that youcan go about trying to get your man out of his funk:

1. -Lecturing

2. -Complaining

3. -Trying to “teach” him ways to do things that you think he’s unaware of

13

4. -Presenting your own feelings as justification for needling him

All of these can very easily come from a genuine and caring part of your heart, but for the sake of you and your man’s sanity, you must make an effort to refrain from trying to use them to fix things – all you’re really going to be doing is triggering your man’s instinctive urge to escape as quickly as decisively as possible.

We have to face it, and face it completely: trying to get what you want by pointing out all of the ways that he’s not doing thisor that right is easily the best way to ensure that you never to get the resolution that you’re hoping for in the end.

If you’re interested in improving your chances instead of hindering them, then the best thing that you can do is see to it that you learn how to fix the situation the right way – that’s what we’re going to be focusing on right now.

How to Fix the Situation the Right Way

Now here we are, at the crux of everything that we want to accomplish by understanding what our men are all about, and why they withdraw. You need to deal with this in a healthy way, with the perspective of a person who truly desires to learn about people more than they desire to fix people.

Now, here is something that you can fix: the way that you go about showing your man that you love him when he’s not really in the most conversational mood for longer than usual.

The first thing that you have to understand is that you have theadvantage over most people in the department of supporting

14

him, given the fact that you’re likely the most important personin his world, next to maybe his mother.

You need to get a firm handle on the emotions inside of you andaddress them in a way that will make himmesmerized by you instead of bothered by you.

Now read these instructions very carefully, as you’ll need to make sure that you follow these steps to the best of your abilitywhen the time comes.

Step One – Recognize the Warning Signs of his Imminent Withdrawal

One of the most important relationship skills that you can develop is the power of pseudo-clairvoyance when it comes to the ebbs and flows in your man’s behavior. You can actually develop the ability to accurately sense when your man is starting to feel out of balance or frustrated enough to start distancing himself from you.

This vital skill, once you master it, will always help you understand exactly what’s going on with your man on an emotional level in advance. You’re not going to wind up getting caught off-guard when he suddenly withdraws at a moment that would have confused you if you hadn’t known any better before he did.

Being prepared will lessen those little pangs of panic that some people get when they sense that there may be an issue with their relationships, which will make you far more mentally suited to being a stable and reliable partner for your man to count on when he needs you in those tough phases in his life.

15

Now here are some of the signs that typically arise when a manmay be on the verge of or in the process of withdrawing from you.

1. When he responds with one-word answers or indistinguishable noises in a way that you know means he’s focused on something else.

2. When he dives into his work so deeply that it seems toalmost consume him

3. When he’s constantly aggravated with you, uncharacteristically rude to you, and overreacting to every little thing, no matter how trivial.

4. When he constantly changes the subject of the conversation to something almost completely unrelated to the topic at hand, and you’re left wondering: “Where did that come from?”

5. When he specifically avoids the usual times he spends with you, be it watching a certain show or doing something special for dinner. He may mysteriously start to do the things that he normally hates or dreads, such as fixing the dry wall in the garage. When he starts to invest a curiously large amount of time into doing things that he normally puts off, that’s a good sign it’s time to give him some space.

When things like these happen, it would be wise to take a mental note of them. One instance may not be enough to instantly conclude that he wants to withdraw from you, but you’ve got to make sure that you’re aware enough of those signs to know that something is going on when these behaviors

16

start to increase in frequency.

There’s no telling what the reason could really be, but at the very least, you will be doing yourself a massive favor by not being caught off-guard by the occurrence.

I know that when I used to be caught off-guard by my man’s aloofness, I would become a lot more likely to give into those instinctual feelings to help him whether he liked it or not – to make a long and predictable story short, it didn’t work!

What Not to Do When This is Happening

The last thing that you want to do is try to force him to give up the reason he’s acting the way he’s acting by bombarding him with all kinds of questions about this or that. Don’t attempt to defeat him with logic or rationally downplay his stress – even if you may be objectively accurate with some points, it will only make him feel patronized.

If he’s stressed out and you just come around trying to fix him up, it’s going to be like splashing a full tank of gasoline right on top of a crackling fire. Unless you really want him to retreat even deeper into his shell than every before, refrain from tryingto coax him out of what he’s going through by presenting him with an analytical breakdown of his behavior.

What You Should Do

Step 1- Give the Man Some Space

Men spend a lot of time in their own heads, bouncing from issueto issue like an infinitely running pinball game. While he’s goingthrough that game and it becomes chaotic, you just make sure

17

that you stay in control of your own head. Stay cool, back off, remain in control, and resist the urge to become the self-appointed judge and jury.

The things that they’re thinking about could range from the things that he believes he needs to get done immediately, to the “to do list” for the future, to that thing you reminded him about last week, to the thing he needs to be done at work next week.

He could be wrestling with the question of whether or not he can move up the social ladder to get what he wants in general, or he could specifically be wondering whether or not he can rationalize buy getting a new vehicle he’s interested in.

He may even be working through dealing with a choice he made, unrelated to you, that makes him feel guilty – like, for example, whether or not he made the right call in letting go of a certain employee. He may even be stressed out with coming to terms with the fact that he’s stressed out in the first place, and not even completely sure of why!

Simply put, the man is usually in his shell because he needs to be in his shell in order to recover from something – on top of that, opening up to you about his weakness, when it arises, might make him feel a little bit more vulnerable than he’s comfortable with before he issue is resolved.

Now I admit that these are broad-brushed examples, but at theend of the day, the thing to take away from all of this is the factthat it could literally be just about anything. Knowing the infinite variety of potential causes for what he’s going through, it’s easy to understand why assuming is easily the worst way that you could go about resolving things.

18

It won’t be an easy thing to do, and you will at times feel like you’re struggling to remain understanding, but you shouldn’t beashamed or alarmed by these fleeting feelings of insecurity or uncertainty. At the end of the day, there are more than a coupleof ways to bring everything back to balance without risking making things worse.

Now here’s the thing: believe it or not, a lot of men would actually feel exactly the same as you do if the situation were reversed! Of course, this isn’t a guide for men. This is for you, whenever you’re feeling hurt, frustrated, angry, or just at a lossto understand why in the world your man has started acting likea ghost!

Step Two – Neutralize your Negativity with the Power ofPerspective

Now the statement that “men are clueless” has been echoed throughout history, and in this scenario, it’s often true. A man may legitimately have absolutely no idea that he’s making you feel at all hurt or lonely when he retreats into that shell of his – despite that, many women still mistakenly assume that their men know exactly what they’re doing.

When the man gets agitated at you, it could be due to the fact that he just hoped that you would understand that he needed his space, even if it seemed illogical or impractical. Even thoughit may not be a big deal to him, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care.

I can definitely understand the frustration you feel even in spiteof understanding that his distance is likely nothing personal. I used to seriously have trouble understanding why my man just couldn’t see how hurt I was. I knew the truth, which was that it

19

was nothing personal, but the truth bothered me.

Eventually, I came to make peace with it and understand that he in fact is not the most uncaring person in the world, even though it can very well feel like at times. Learning exactly why and how men are able to withdraw without knowing how it affects their women will prevent you from developing emotionalscars suffered by those who are unaware.

I want to educate you and empower you in order to free you from the hurt. Not only are you going to be far more powerful and enlightened woman, but the development you gain from understanding the truth of his behavior will actually mean that his periods of withdrawal are actually growing pains that are mutually beneficial for the both of you.

Here’s the next natural step to this process: learning exactly how to control your emotions when they arise, no matter what those particular emotions may actually be. Take note of how you normally react to him when he decides to withdraw, even if it may be hard to admit.

Do you go out of your way trying to drag him out of it? Do you feel anything resembling panic? Have you ever gotten to a pointat which you issued an ultimatum?

When a man withdraws for the first time, and his woman becomes emotionally compromised, it can become a “make it orbreak it” test for the relationship – if the man was already feeling like the relationship was damaged in any way, it can make him feel like things are actually even further beyond repair than he initially believed.

When you recognize all of the telltale signs that he’s close to withdrawing, and also that you are getting small twinges of

20

feelings that could become troublesome if not directly addressed and handled, you are exercising high-level risk management.

You are seriously mitigating the chance that you’ll unconsciously emit a negative vibe that pushes your man over the edge and away from you before you even know what happened, as is the unfortunate result when less-informed women aren’t able to recognize the warning signs.

Never forget, under any circumstances, that his withdrawal mayvery well have nothing to do with you at all. Just give him sometime. If he seems remote but still exhibits other little signs of love, he could simply need more time to unwind. If you jump tothe wrong conclusions, you’ll just be making things even harderfor the both of you than they need to be.

You cannot afford, under any circumstances, to take things so personally that you go into a reactive state. In the reactive state, you are unable to act in a way that’s conducive to a positive outcome. Instead of being reactive, you want to make sure that you’re focusing on being proactive.

So, once again, let’s comprehensively go over what the right way to go about handling things is:

· Allow him the right to his own space. Men may need it a little bit more, but all people need space to some degree. Socialsharing is healthy, but so is the occasional moment to be on your own. You have a natural gift of empathy, so use that to imagine what it must be like to experience his isolating struggle.

· If you are feeling a little bit overwhelmed, then it may be a sign that you could actually use a little bit of time to yourself as

21

well.

· Understand that the man’s time to spend alone is his way to emotionally decompress.

· Do not attempt to strike up a conversation with him to break the silence. Only insist on speaking with him if it legitimately can’t wait if it legitimately can’t wait.

· Wait, and let him come to you before you go out rushing tohim. Make sure that when he comes to you, you are relaxed and inviting for his return. Greet him with a genuine smile if you can, and absolutely do not make any accusations.

· Be sure to understand that the desire to “put him in his place” is a destructive lost cause. Appreciate the fact that he is no longer catatonic and can actually be more open with you than was formerly possible, and you won’t risk ruining the progress that you’ve already made.

· In the meantime, make sure that you focus on yourself. Spend some time reinvesting in your friends and old hobbies that you might not have paid attention to for some time. Go to a brand new place that you’ve never been before, pamper yourself, go to the spa, go shopping, spoil yourself, and bask in what you can enjoy without having a man immediately present.

· Keeping your mind off of the problem will be immeasurably beneficial to you, where losing sleep over it will make things a mess for sure.

22

Step Three – Give the Gift of Space – The Gift that Keepson Giving!

Even if man’s aloofness and reluctance to get into emotional conflicts may seem cold, it doesn’t automatically mean he’s sickand tired – it’s usually his imperfect way of telling you that he’ll return when he’s feeling better.

We are all biologically hardwired to want to resist anything that we’re perceiving could lead to being abandoned, and while that’s natural, it can cause men to struggle with being in balance with their women during times when they’re not able toarticulate everything going on with him. To put it plainly, misinterpretation leads to mistakes.

How Long Do I Need to Wait

Now this may be tricky to come to terms with, but it’s important to understand all the same. If you’re wondering how long it will take your man to escape his withdrawal phase, you’re definitely not the only one – the thing is, there’s just no simple, solve-everything answer to it.

Every man is different from other men in some way, just as no two women are exactly the same. The decision to wait is up to you, whether it be for a week or a couple of minutes. It may be tough, but you’re tougher than it is difficult.

The best way to get what you want is to not give up – it’s as simple as that. Be persistent in seeking understanding, without being aggressive or inquisitive – both patient and active at the same time. Intelligence and patience are gifts that more people than you may know secretly covet, and if you can exercise them both, you will be the sort of person people seriously admire.

23

Should I Say Something to Make Him Return Faster?

Even though you shouldn’t try to change him, you can definitelysay things to help him deal with what he’s dealing with better. If you want to make him feel better about the time and space he needs to recover, you’ll be pleased to know that there are ways you can release him from his emotional burden a bit swifter.

Here’s what you might be able to say:

Honey, I see that something’s bothering you and it’s really difficult. If it’s because of something I’ve done or said, you can always say anything to me, honestly, without worrying that I’ll take it negatively.

If it’s anything else, I hope you’ll find a solution soon. In the meantime, I’ll leave you alone, knowing things will get better soon. Just know that I’m around anytime you need or want me for anything. I don’t want to bother you with my own issues. Love you.

When He Comes Back and Things Normalize

When he finally comes back out of that little shell he retreated to – which he will, if you didn’t deny him time to recover – you’ll naturally be pretty excited. What you want to do, however, is make sure that you don’t get on his case about taking too long.

Be as casual as you can about the time he was “gone”, without seeming dismissive or cold, but enough so that it doesn’t look like you couldn’t cope with his distance – by doing this, he

24

won’t feel like coming back was a mistake or guilty about his distance having hurt you. In this position, you now have the power to choose whether or not you’ll allow the relationship stabilize back into normalcy once again!

25