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Copyright © Kelsey Diamond and obsessionphrases.com

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If you’re in a relationship for a long enough time, then inevitably, there’s going to come a point when the bigger questions become impossible to ignore. Some of these questions may be:

What does your man really desire in his life more than anything?

Does your man honestly envision you as a permanent presence in the grand scheme of the rest of his life?

Can the two of you actually achieve your dreams while still being romantically committed to one another?

The thing that all of these intense questions share in common isthat they demand that your man decides whether or not he can actually commit to you.

Naturally, it is incredibly rare that a man would be able to form a rational answer to these emotionally loaded questions overnight.

There are plenty of women who are disappointed when their man can’t give them a definite answer to these types of questions at the very minute that they ask, and I cannot stress how important it is to refrain from making the same mistake.

These questions cannot be answered honestly without a momentous amount of soul searching, and even then, confidently arriving at a definite answer to them all may be impossible for a lot of people.

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The sheer volume of processing time that a man requires just to roll and knead these questions around in his mind until answers can take a discernible form is tremendous.

We need to consider the fact that men, by their nature, prefer to communicate through their actions instead of depending on words alone.

With questions that probe the way that your man intends of spending the rest of his life, you are going to have to allow yourman the opportunity to show if what he does is congruent to your hopes for the relationship.

Believe or not, in the same way that a lot of women hope that their men will be able to pick up on the subtext of the things that they say, a lot of men secretly hope that their women will be able to pick up on the subtext of the things that they do.

Words can be misinterpreted and misrepresented, but the effects of actions are objective and undeniable.

If you want to get an accurate forecast for the way that your man intends on spending the rest of his life, then you’ll be able to get an accurate reading for the things he does and the way that he conducts himself in the present time.

Men are popularly interpreted as being forthcoming and direct about most things that they believe and think, but that’s not entirely true.

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Men are more likely to proactively act out in accordance to whatthey believe in their hearts, which is more blatant than spoken words, but even these actions may not always be a one-hundred percent clear indication of everything that’s going on intheir minds.

If you don’t pay enough attention, you might wind up missing out on a hidden message that a man is trying to make apparentto you through certain things he does and the way that he doesthem.

If you want to ensure that you can observe how your man naturally structures his life when left to his own devices, and also that he has optimal processing time to cognitively work through the bulk of these extremely serious questions, then youhave to allow him a proper amount of space to work things out

In the process of forming appropriate and honest answers to these kinds of questions, you may find that your man has to share information with you that he never actually revealed to you before.

When you’re asking these types of questions, always be prepared to potentially receive answers that you didn’t even anticipate being relevant.

It would be wonderful if a man could always give a one hundredpercent portrayal of our innermost desires with a word, but when his own intentions may not even be completely clear to him himself, he will have no other choice than to hope that what he wants can bleed out into what he is able (or not able) to actually exhibit to you with his actions.

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While it’s true that his actions will be a stronger indication of hiscommitment than his words, the amount of previously unknownthings that he’s willing to disclose to you can serve as a fairly reliable indication of exactly how close he considers you to be tohim at the present moment in time.

No matter what the case, who he is or how long you’ve been together, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you capitalize upon maintaining a real level of respect for your man’s need to logically solve the puzzle in his mind that will allow him to make what he thinks is the most sensible decision.

Men both need and want to be appreciated for their ability to solve problems as they arise, and considering the fact that this problem is something that’s extremely personal for him, there’s an even greater need to respect his need to try and logically work out the puzzle in his mind.

As the man is biologically attuned to desire filling the need to be a leader and provider, assessing his own readiness to enter acommitted relationship and potentially be the head of a brand new family will carry and extreme level of gravity.

There will be very few other things in his life that he will both feel compelled to and objectively need to rationally work out then whether or not it’s wise for him to commit to a woman for good – therefore, seeing as this is something that directly affects you yourself, you naturally want him to be fully capable of answering the question in a healthy state of mind.

Unfortunately, not all women have learned to accommodate theextremely necessary amount of time and space that a man needs to solve what may be the absolute biggest puzzle of entire his entire life.

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When a man’s need for space isn’t honored in even a casual setting, in every day life, it is one of the most unpleasant sensations that he ever has to experience – that feeling is ten times stronger when it comes to the concept of commitment, and so you can understand why pressuring him isn’t the best course of action in this case.

There is only so much that a man can be pressured before he finds that he has no other recourse other than to withdraw untilwhatever is pressuring him no longer seems like as much as a threat.

If you’re looking to actually commit to your man and not have him dedicate the rest of his life to staying as far away from you as possible, then you can probably understand why it would be fairly counterproductive to become the source of pressure in hislife that makes him want to hop on the fastest horse he can findand ride away.

You’ll recall what I mentioned in the previous section about the importance of knowing how to temporarily set aside your own emotions in order to give more leverage to the man’s logical calculations regarding the situation.

It’s really a fairly simple equation to remember when it comes to understanding the power that you have to make commitmentwith your man more or less likely. More pressure equals worse chances, and less pressure equals better chances – it is legitimately no more complex than that.

You may feel it in your heart that the relationship has to be, butif you project that too strongly, you’ll be ruining the chances of your own hopes coming true.

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What you desire from your man is an answer to your question, and so your objective should be to provide your man with the conditions that are most conducive to rationally forming an answer.

The nature of these questions makes them some of the most emotionally charged things in the world to mentally approach, but at the same time, you must not attempt to appeal to your man emotionally.

When you approach a man while being in the throes of your emotions, you lose the ability to accurately gauge the real risk to benefit ratio of the things that you say.

If you’re not considering the potential impact on your man that your pure emotional force can have, you’ll be liable to make him feel like you’re trying to push him to an answer.

When a woman emotionally approaches her man because of an emotional need to have her question answered, she’s thinking that the sooner he gives his answer, the better.

The critical flaw in this logic is that it fails to recognize that acting in such a way will actually increase the odds of the man disappearing without giving any answer at all.

If he does give a swift answer while being hit by an immense emotional volley from his partner, there’s a high chance that it will be a knee-jerk refusal instead of an honest explanation.

Allowing your man the space he needs to logically craft his answers will provide him with the opportunity to embrace the use of logical knowledge to solve problems, as he was designed by nature.

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It may be difficult to set aside your emotions until he is ready, but the very nature of a relationship itself demands sacrifices that will oftentimes be far greater than only waiting for the answer to a question -considering this, many women find out that these personal questions do not only test their men’s willingness to embrace what it means to be selfless.

To a man’s mind, a quick answer to a question like this equates to a problem. He may try to deny the fact that something feels wrong about it, but you can bet that within his deeper level of consciousness, he will strongly doubt the wisdom of making an extremely hasty decision about committing before he’s had proper time to fully work things out.

A man will usually have to logically question whether or not he even comprehends what you even want from him in the first place. He needs to logically have at least what feels like a complete, concrete idea of exactly what your intentions and desires are.

In addition to understanding what it is that you’re looking for, he needs to take the time to figure out the way that he wants to communicate his response to you.

He needs to think about whether or not the way that he delivershis answer could be more beneficial or detrimental.

It’s highly understandable that you would very much like to be on the same basic wavelength as your man in order to be able to most cohesively deal with the implications that these questions have for the rest of your relationship, whatever his answers might actually be.

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To synchronize with him while he works things out, you’ve got to be as logical as him.

Emotionally approaching in this scenario will only serve to makethings a lot harder for the both of you while increasing the likelihood that he’ll refuse to take the relationship any further along than it’s already come.

It is absolutely necessary that you approach the man from a place of rational logic if you’d actually like to connect with him in a way that’s going to work.

It may be emotionally taxing and even painful, but it’s the kind of pain that signifies the chance of something much greater being developed underneath the immediately perceivable discomfort.

Here’s something else that you’ve got to consider when it comes to the necessity of respecting your man’s need to logically analyze the concept of commitment to you – when it comes to being able to make a strong logical assessment, it is extremely important that there are a few immediate distractions as possible.

The necessity for a clear head in order to rationally make logicaldecisions is why the space is so extremely important to so many men.

Men have an extremely deep, almost vital need to be entitled totheir personal space whenever they need it. Space, to a man, could be considered on the same level as bodily nourishment.

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If a man isn’t able to have the level of space that he desires, then it’s legitimately just about on the same level as being denied a right to food and water. With minimal food and water, the body gradually grows slower, weaker, and increasingly fragile until it eventually expires – the same principle can be applied to a man’s space and his mental health.

Smothering a man and denying him access to his personal space actually causes quantifiable damage to his well-being. Hemay not be starving or dehydrated, but without space, he’s being deprived of a quintessential element tied to his ability to perceive and understand the entire world around him.

Now, what happens when a human being is struggling for food and water beyond what is available in their immediate surroundings? That hungry, thirsty person is going to instinctually be driven to use the full extent of their abilities to escape that immediate environment and find a new source of food and water as quickly as possible.

When you deprive a man of his ability to just peacefully think over what’s puzzling him, you’ll be sending him the message that you create an environment in which he is unable to access something that is as important to him as food and water. He’s going to want to escape that environment, the one in which youare a presence, desperately, swiftly, and permanently.

So, if your man very deeply desires his access to thinking space, are you going to provide him with it or keep him away from it? If you would choose to deprive your man of the thing that nourishes his sense of being just to increase the chances ofgetting the answer that you’d like, then your entire hope for therelationship is based on a corrupted foundation.

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Even if he were to eventually give in and decide to say yes in response to your unrelenting pressure, the relationship that ensues will not be one of exclusivity.

He is going to be malnourished in terms of respect for his space, and inevitably, he’s going to wind up seeking out the companionship of someone who provides that for him – whether or not the two of you are technically in the constrictive ‘relationship’.

So, if you’ve made the decision to be source of what your man needs instead of the reason that he can’t have it, you’ve made the proper first step in the process towards a much more cohesive level of understanding between the two of you.

When your man has his space, he will be able to realize the fullest potential of his own strength and reasoning powers, which will lead to him being far more capable of being the kind of partner that you can actually depend on in serious situations.

You wouldn’t believe how many women seem to not understandthat in order to actually keep a man that wants to be with them, they have to actually try to avoid creating a relationship in which the man desires an escape.

Either provide your man with the nourishment he needs to be ina healthy state of mind to make an extremely important decision, or deprive him of that nourishment and risk everything getting ruined in a moment – the choice is legitimately as simple as that.

At the very worst, you could actually end up doing something that’s a lot more problematic than making your man want to get out of a potential relationship with you. If you are seriously relentless in how you rush after your man in the pursuit of a

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relationship, then you could actually risk turning your man into a legitimate enemy.

It’s one thing for a man to just not want to commit to you, but if you make it so that your man can’t even stand to be around you, then you have a much more critical issue on your hands. Pushing too hard could very well cause your man to unconsciously dislike you, and once that happens, there’s no going back to a place that was good for the two of you.

Don’t let the potentially icy feeling of complete rationalization discourage you. Providing space is certainly challenging, but don’t forget that the reason you’re doing it for the sake of making it as easy as possible to make an honest and well-informed decision that is true to the kind of person that he is.

In any relationship that can exist for the right reasons, honesty comes before just sustaining the status being together, which isextremely hollow. For every second that you wish he could be right there with you, he is moving one bit closer to potentially realizing exact reasons why being next to you is something thathe can legitimately enjoy doing for the rest of his life.

Giving your man the space to work things out will test how much you truly desire the relationship itself, depending on how much you’re willing to go without him for the sake of waiting forconfirmation of whether or not commitment is something that he values.

You’re probably aware of the metaphor of someone “breathing down another person’s neck”, but have you ever actually physically had someone breathing down the back of your neck while you were trying to focus on something right in front of you?

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I certainly hope not, because it is legitimately one of the most frustrating things to deal with in the entire world.

When someone is breathing directly down the back of your neck, it’s almost as if you legitimately can’t even think in the right direction. You try your hardest to make due with as much focus as you can muster, but their continued presence just seems to steal away the power from the atoms in your brain that could be working on a solution.

When you don’t give your man enough space, you are essentially putting him through the same tortuous treatment asa person who breathes down another’s neck, literally, when they’re trying to work – if you care for your man, you’ll understand why this is something that is better off avoided if you can help it.

Here’s something else that you would greatly benefit from remaining conscious of – if you nag your man too consistently for him to focus on the issue at hand, eventually, he will stop trying to solve the problem and focus on other questions that you are bringing up to him in the meantime.

In order to ensure that this process can be completed as smoothly as possible, it would be highly beneficial that you do your best keep the entire thing contained to a short and sweet formula:

1. Ask your man the heavy question

2. Acknowledge that you can’t expect to get your answer rightaway

3. Use the heaviness of the question as a pivot point for creating more space

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4. Give that required space that your man needs

Not only are you going to be providing your man the space he needs, but at the same time, you’re going to make sure that you verbally acknowledge that your man needs that space in question. You’re going to see to it that he knows why you’re providing him that space he needs, so that while he’s thinking, he knows you’re not just up and leaving.

This is not a mind game. Even though this is certainly an effective way to lay the foundation for a healthy relationship, you are not looking to manipulate your man into committing to you. If you can pull this off, you’ll do so while on the same pageas your man the entire time that you’re going about the process.

When you plainly tell him exactly why you’re going giving him the distance after you’ve asked the question, he’ll see that you have a certain level of understanding about the nature of how men solve problems that not many women are fully aware of.

Now, there are certainly different ways that you could actually go about telling your man that you’re going to be taking a little of time to give him the space he needs to think over what you asked him. Here’s an example of one of the better ways that you could verbally communicate what the purpose of the distance is:

“Now I know this is a pretty loaded question, and I also know that you have been working hard to be the best man that you can be, for me. But I really need you to consider what I’ve asked, so I am going to leave you alone for now, to give you the space to think about that. I want you to know though, that I am here if you need to vent, or talk about anything.”

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Or

“I’d love to be with you but I know you have a lot going on in your life right now, so I don’t expect you to just make a decision about this overnight. I just had to let you know how I felt before it was too late. I’m going to let you take care of business, but I hope you think about what I said. If you need totalk it through with me, I’m here for you.”

As you can see from these simple examples here, it’s a lot moreeffective if you can actually make it clear that your reason for pulling off is not some passive-aggressive way to test him.

A lot of women will get it right by deciding to create a bit of distance, but then they’ll take it too far and make it seem as though all they really want to do is kick their man to the curb. You need to make a point to clarify to your man that you do have feelings for him, but you respect his priorities more than you just want him to agree to a relationship.

As we have gone over in the previous sections, a man tends to legitimately value the amount that a person respects him more than the amount that somebody loves him. Love is a beautiful thing, but it must never be used as an excuse for inconsiderate thoughts or behavior.

Naturally, as you’re working through what to say in order to let him know that you’ll be there for him, you’re going to want to try and avoid making it sound as though you’re going to have some kind of nervous breakdown if things don’t wind up going exactly the way that you hoped.

As this is an exercise as being as logical and reasonable as

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possible, it would be very wise if you made a point to stay awayfrom using heavily emotional terms to describe the way that you are feeling.

If you are overly emotional in how you present this prospect, it could lead to your man believing that you might actually be slightly too attached – this could very well lead to him making the assumption that if he refuses openly, you won’t be able to handle the rejection.

By remaining strictly impartial and objective about the way thatyou present your case, you are exhibiting a certain level-headedness about the situation that will send a very positive message about your maturity and stability. State the objective facts about the existence of your feelings and your willingness to give him all of the time he needs to think about it.

Another high point is the fact that you are also making it clear that you are recognizing and appreciating all of his efforts thus far as well. You are showing the man that, regardless of what his answer to the question may be, you are still grateful for all that he has contributed to the relationship so far at the same time as well.

What your man will be left with when you’ve given him this message is a positive, open-minded message about yourself. Before you step away to give him that space that he needs, he will have a complete understanding of the fact that you have every intention of honoring his choices and his value as a person.

As long as he knows that you mean well and appreciate what hehas done so far, he’s going to be a little bit more motivated to work towards a real solution. He’s also going to be a lot more like to get back to you much more quickly than if you had tried pressuring him or guilt-tripping him into seeing your point of

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view.

The huge benefit to going about things in this fashion is that you ensure that your man doesn’t go forth without the understanding that he is completely understood and supported by you, one hundred percent. He will know that even when things aren’t going perfectly, you aren’t the kind of woman who is going to hold it against him at every turn.

Men want to be understood and supported, not attacked and held back, so this ensures that you don’t go about things in waythat’s going to produce the opposite effects of what you desire. The serene sense of ease and comfort he has in being able to work out the questions will be much more conducive to him deciding that a relationship with you is worthwhile.

You won’t have to try and hope that he knows that the right reasons are for seeing you as the best woman to be with when you plainly illustrate why you’re a good choice in partner based on the way that you accommodate his need to be at peace while he thinks.

Once he decides that he’s prepared to give you his answer, you must be sure to have a measured and patience reaction to whatever his answer is – you can increase your effectiveness atthis by clearing your mind of any and all expectations before you even motion to ask him about how he feels in the very first place.

You may have a very strong premonition that your man is far more likely to say yes than no, but the last thing that you want to do is be so extremely declarative in your expectations that you completely rule out there being any chance of him choosingto decline.

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Expectations can be very invigorating and uplifting, but if you don’t keep them in check, you may very well run the risk of getting intoxicated by your own expectations. Expectations can be just as logical as they are emotional, but in a scenario such as this, you would be doing yourself the greatest favor if you neglected having any sort of “forecast” for the outcome.

When your man is logically working through the costs and benefits of committing to you, and questioning things that you may have never even know were relevant in his mind, you haveno way of accounting for the things that he may remember onlybecause you asked him what you thought about taking things up to the next level.

Logically, you cannot account for the extremely vast probability there may be for just about anything to suddenly cause an attitudinal shift in the way that your man thinks about committing to you – for that reason, choose to gracefully acceptwhatever may come.

Here’s the reality – even in the midst of a relatively happy and well-rounded relationship, something unexpected could always happen that suddenly makes everything a lot more difficult – sometimes, these unforeseen events might actually make the relationship itself impossible.

It’s not to say that you shouldn’t aim to enjoy your relationship,but a woman needs to make peace with the ever-present possibility of there being certain unforeseen factors that could lead to its end – that’s not even just a mentality to cope with relationships, that’s a way of thinking that helps people learn toaccept their own mortality.

The first way that you should transpose your emotional energy with logic is to start attempting to purge your mind of anxiety surrounding the likelihood that he’ll either want or not want to

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commit to you. It may not work one hundred percent, but it willcertainly make you much less of nervous wreck about the task of waiting.

You don’t necessarily have to quash every last single iota of nervousness from your spirit, as that would be impossible, but you can practice some breathing exercises to quiet some of the anxious static that may be buzzing about in your mind at the thought of him saying X, Y or Z.

Your emotions may tempt you to believe that his rejection of your interest in a relationship is the end of everything, but onceagain, this is illogical thinking. You would not suddenly be reduced to a pile of ashes just from his choice to refrain from taking things more seriously, even though your heart may convince you otherwise.

In the same vein, take some time to honestly think about how much you really care for your partner’s well-being in the first place. As you are legitimately interested in pursuing a relationship with him, I’m willing to bet that his happiness and success are things that you support.

Seeing as you naturally want to support the one you love and see them live their lives to the fullest of what they desire, you have to embrace one of the most challenging clashes between logic and emotion in the world – accepting that if you really want your loved one to be happy, you will support their possibledecision that they’ll be happier uncommitted to you.

If you can make peace with this reality, then in the event that he does choose to commit to you, you will have one of the mostsecure relationships imaginable!

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