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TRANSCRIPT
Veljko Rajkoviã
ÈOVJEKOLIKI LJUDI AFORIZMI & EPIGRAMI
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IZDAVAÈ
UDRU�ENJE HUMORISTA I SATIRIÈARA CRNE GORE
ZA IZDAVAÈA Veljko Rajkoviã
AUTO(R)ECENZENT Veljko Rajkoviã
PRIPREMA TEKSTA Veljko Rajkoviã
LEKTOR Veljko Rajkoviã
KORICE Darko Drljeviã
KOMPJUTERSKI SLOG
Branimir Preleviã
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�TAMPA
ID «SPECIJAL» - Podgorica
TIRA� 500
Veljko Rajkoviã
ÈOVJEKOLIKI LJUDI AFORIZMI & EPIGRAMI
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UHS CG Podgorica, 2007
Auto(r)ecenzija
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Kao �to vidite, radi se o neviðenom tekstu. Tekst �to ãete ga vidjeti je ne�to
najbolje �to je, ikada, napisano u ovoj knjizi. Veljko Rajkoviã
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Pi�em aforizme. Neãu da ostanem nezapamãena budala. Navodna mudrost
Kolektivna krivica ne postoji. Kriv je Bog �to nas je ovakve stvorio.
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Narod sve vidi. Na� mrak je rijetka pojava.
Sloboda govora je neostvariva.
Usta su nam prepuna demokratije.
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Rad je stvorio èovjeka
partijski rad � poslovne ljude.
Obespravljeni su privilegovanii. Nijedno pravo im nije ugro�eno.
Imamo dokaze da je istina na na�oj strani.
Stalno je izvrãemo.
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MI
Te�ko je sa vla�ãu a njoj s nama lako svaka nam je sve a mi za nju svako.
NOVOPEÈENI
Privatizacija teèe vlasnici su tazni d�epovi im puni
a oni prazni.
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Nikome ne padamo na koljena. Taj stav smo odavno zauzeli.
Demokratija kod nas ne mo�e da procvjeta. Uhvatila je korijene.
I narod je, konaèno, napunio d�epove.
Nije znao gdje ãe sa rukama.
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Glupi su neravnopravni. Sloboda misli zagarantovana je svima.
Birajmo veãe zlo! Kod nas je i zlo naopako.
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Zakazan je miting po�tenih. Oèekuje se dolazak obojice!
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GURMANI
Mnogi �ive da bi jeli nije prirodno - zna se.
Majmun je, izgleda, si�ao kad je na zemlji veã bilo prase.
RUPE
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Pred zakonom smo jednaki
dok na snagu ne stupi. Tad klikera�i igraju
a statiraju glupi.
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Kada sam ugledao brata zasuzile su mi oèi. I ... proma�io sam!
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Sreãa nas bezuspje�no prati. Mi smo narod pobjednièkog duha.
Zakon je na strani slabijih. Jaèi su ga odbacili.
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Svi smo kao jedan. Nula smo!
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Svaka vlast je ista. Osim aktuelna.
U sukobu ruralnog i urbanog stradamo pluralno.
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TAMO ONI
Zapr�e nam èorbu a onda soli dodaju. Uspje�no nas vode uspje�nije vodaju.
GASTRONAUTI
Od prvog do prvog �ivimo to ne bilje�e kamere.
Osvajamo mjesec po mjesec - prevazi�li smo Amere.
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Nabavio sam èaj protiv zatvora. Pijem ga prije svakog suðenja.
U istoriji smo se uvijek branili golim rukama.
Muvarica je izum novijeg doba.
Neki ratni zloèinci obezbijedili su krov nad glavom. Pa, �to? I ranije su i�li u crkvu.
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�ivimo od stare slave. Ostalo je i jela i piãa.
Na�ao sam je s drugim u krevetu. Prvi se veã oblaèio.
Na na�oj strani nije bilo �rtava. Svi poginuli bili su duboko za�li
u neprijateljsku teritoriju.
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POHVALA LUDOSTI
Svi smo kao jedan do zla boga ludi
geografija je svjedok istorija sudi.
VRAG I �ALA
Istraga je u toku od �ivota ni traga. Bog je odnio �alu
a nama ostavio vraga.
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Mrtvi su najpouzdaniji svjedoci: �ivi bili, pa vidjeli!
Korupciji ne mo�emo stati na kraj. Kod nas od nje sve poèinje.
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Vlast je istakla probleme. Sada su to sve ugledni graðani.
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Sizif bi kod nas bio crna ovca.
Jedino bi on i�ao uzbrdo.
Demokratija je daleko odmakla. Ne nazire se.
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Crnogorci ne rade na sebi. Pla�e se visine.
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KIKS
Dugo je stvarao èovjeka tra�eãi mjeru i sklad.
Kada je uvidio gre�ku:
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robota je stvorio rad!
PRIÈIN
Biãe svima bolje smije�ili se buduãnost lijepa?
Ne, na�alost, ne - to ona crkava od smijeha!
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Nemam dosije!
Pratili su me nepismeni.
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Gdje mozak ne funkcioni�e mozgovi funkcioneri�u.
Vlast treba da volimo. Zadu�ila nas je vi�e nego ikoga svoga.
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Bio je èovjek iz punih usta. Dok je prireðivao ruèkove.
Drugovi i drugarice su u ratu morali da vode ljubav.
U to vrijeme seks je bio najstro�ije zabranjen.
Za nas ãe se tek èuti. Vlast neãe klonuti uhom.
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GOVNA I PO
Ne daju na nas muva da padne:
Nije gre�ka slovna - prosto: veãa su govna!
PO(NOS)
Nek' nas vuku za nos ni�ta ne gubimo. Mogu i za u�i:
mi lance ne ljubimo!
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Niko ih ne mo�e uhvatiti u kraði. Od toga nikada ne bje�e.
Razum ãe pobijediti. Najavljena je suspemzija domaãeg terena.
Sporo im dolazi iz dupeta u glavu. Prepuni su im stomaci.
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Treba im pru�ati rojski otpor.
Govna su to!
Ako ãemo pravo - prava nema!
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Svaki agresor ãe nas pobijediti.
U njihovim redovima nema braãe.
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PODOBNI
Nije im do �urbe al' napreduju vidno.
Sa polo�aja ne mrdaju: puze neprekidno!
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IDOLI
Big Ben im u srcu - mi tako ne �ivimo!
Altruisti smo u du�i: big benama se divimo!
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Nije on za bacit. Veliko je ðubre.
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Moramo da napredujemo vrtoglavo. Idemo glavom kroz zid.
Izgubljen posao! Korumpiranom nalazaèu mito.
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Diogenu ne bi pomogao ni Aladin. Tra�io je �iranta.
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Dijete nam je na putu. A, tek je diplomiralo.
Demokratija je u zamahu. Sreãa �to joj nijesmo ni blizu.
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POLTRON
Jedan poltron je zbunjen al' se, ipak, sna�ao.
Dokazao je da je govno - iz dupeta je iza�ao!
SUDIJE
Svaki sudi èasno po zakona slovu.
Novac ih ne kvari: uzimaju lovu!
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�ivimo �ivot bez ostatka. Nemamo ni do petnaestog.
Dobro je da gore ne mo�e biti bolje.
Niko nas ne mo�e napraviti budalama. Bog je tvorac svega.
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Svakodnevno obilazimo trgovine. Stvari treba posmatrati sa distance.
Ko radi - imaãe, ko ne radi � ima!
I kao govna smo nikakvi. Nijesmo im ni do grla.
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OBUÈENOST
U �koli �ivota uèimo jadni i namuèeni -
za �ivot smo nespremni za goli �ivot obuèeni.
ÈASNO I ...
Slobodu govora imamo takva je na�a rodina. Mo�emo i o po�tenju - nije izborna godina!
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Poltron nije ni na�, ni njihov.
Poltron je va�.
Nijesu uzalud ratovali. Uzeli su ono �to su na�li.
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Gdje je sve namje�teno - ne�to nije u redu.
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Smeãe ili ðubre? Svejedno.
Pa, ljudi smo, pobogu!
Nepobjedivi smo.
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I bolji dani su iza nas.
Konaèno je do�ao do rijrèi. Nauèio je i drugo slovo.
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PRAKSA
Siroma�tvo steglo svaki jadi stisli.
Vlast je pragmatièna:
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zlo nam ne misli!
KRUNSKI DOKAZ
Da ãe biti bolje dokaza je more.
Evo samo jednog: ne mo�e gore!
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Kum nije dugme. Ima sve -
od igle do lokomotive.
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Ko zna � zna �to nema, ko ne zna � ne zna �to ima.
Nije vrijedan pomena. Novac namijenjen u tu svrhu
iskoristiãe se za izgradnju spomenika.
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Otac me priznao. Vi�e nijesam neznani junac!
Biznismen je èovjek koji je proma�io profesiju
a pogodio zanimanje.
Ima mi po kome doã'! �to vrijedi
kad niko ni�ta ne �alje.
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NA�E STAZE
U �umi propisa puteve prtimo.
Kompas nam ne treba: u krug se vrtimo!
ZADNJA POMOÃ
Izreka je stara sa novom se sla�e: Vrijeme èini svoje duvan mu poma�e.
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Ostvarili smo jednakost! Oboje smo u minusu.
Svemoguãi je tvorac noãi svemoãni - mraka.
Napravili smo budale od sebe. Tu nam je Bog pomogao.
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Za �ivota - crvi sumnje,
poslije - crvi, bez sumnje.
Postavili smo rekord na rekorderima. Oborili smo ih najvi�e.
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Vlast ga je toliko promijenila
da ga ni roðena majka ne prepoznaje.
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APEL VLASTIMA
Ma kakva muzika pametni budite:
koliko ovaca toliko muzite!
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MOZAK
Vrane sve popile pa odu�ka dale:
Zidovi popu�tajte - nailaze glave!
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Ta�ta mi je odmah iza majke. U upravi groblja mi je reèeno
da je to puka sluèajnost.
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Ko puzi
najbolje stoji.
Narod nije stoka.
Stoka ne glasa.
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Najvi�e roðenih je u znaku bika
najvi�e preporoðenih � u znaku ribe.
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Nije problem �to smo u govnima do grla,
veã �to su njima odrije�ene ruke.
Kod nas vlada polupluralizam. Oni imaju sve, mi - ni�ta.
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POLITIÈARI
Istina im sveta od naroda volja. La� im je strana i to - ona bolja.
TRADICIJA
Biti il' ne biti? � to nije dilema.
Kod nas je èovjek taba tema.
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Vlast ima veãinu. Ostali oblici svojine su ravnopravni.
Stali su na put korupciji: Nema prolaska, dok se ne plati!
Èovjek je najvredniji neplemeniti nemetal.
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Partijsko obrazlo�enje otkaza:
sposoban za poslove, nepodoban za zadatke.
Djela govore: fine nam se pi�e!
Umro je u toku rata. Iza sebe je ostavio dva �iranta.
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TOBO�E
Vlast je za promjene! - znak navoda treba. Kurta je jo� gore
Murta priliku vreba.
LO� TON
Nepravdi prkosimo a pravdi klièemo. Niko nas ne èuje:
iz sveg mozga vièemo.
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Prvi sam na listi za posao.
Imam najvi�e apoena.
Fudbalske sudije su prevazi�le i Mocarta.
On nije umio da svira sva�ta.
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Opet sam dokazao da nijesam za dvije noge.
I jutros sam ustao na lijevu!
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Na� prezent:
Vidimo se u paklu!?
Gore vlada! Dolje, ionako, ne mo�e da se �ivi.
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Proèitao sam sve od Dostojevskog. IDIOT je genijalan.
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MENTALNA HIGIJENA
Eko tradiciju imamo to treba da znamo:
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tri èiste smo imali jednu ispranu imamo.
DANI �ALOSTI
Bili smo kao braãa uslijedila je rastava. Zajednièki nam bili: pola koplja i zastava.
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Pravi krivci se znaju. Zato su nepoznati.
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Podstanari? Daleko im lijepa kuãa!
Knjiga je najbolji èovjekov prijatelj. Ne mo�e da ga proèita.
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Crnogorske zapovijesti: Ne, ubij! Ne, kradi! Ne radi!
Od kada sam postao èlan vladajuãe stranke -
roðen sam za biznismena.
Moramo da se ubijamo meðusobno. Na�e glavno oru�je je kratka pamet.
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LJUDNICA
Na �ivot smo osuðeni ne treba nam sudnca. Istina je samo jedna: Ludi, ovo je ljudnica!
POVOD(AC)
I vode nas i vodaju svi smo u koloni.
Umni rade obrnuto: konje vode oni!
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Lapsus calami: Kukamo iz svoga mozga!
Ne �ivim od tuðeg rada. Roditelja su mi zapo�ljeni.
Kad-tad ãe nas uhvatiti. Idemo za njima.
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__ 54 __
Ko nema jaja snosi posljedice.
Ko da peèat vremenu
mora biti �igosan.
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Vlada neãe pasti!
Gdje je ona - tu trava ne raste.
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AVANGARDA
Prednjaèimo u svemu nek' se niko ne vrijeða.
Okrenuli smo se demokratiji: i mi imamo leða!
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STOP
Sve teèe i prolazi
reèe èovjek slavan. Diktator uzvrati:
demokratija - no pasaran!
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Ova vlast neãe uãi u istoriju. Neponovljiva je.
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Ne damo na sebe!
Kurta i Murta zaslu�uju i vi�e.
Znamo �to smo. Ne teku nam ni med ni mlijeko
a od muva ne mo�emo da �ivimo.
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Opet su nam obeãali i brda i doline -
a, zaslu�ujemo i gore!
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Kafiãi su sada�njost na�e buduãnosti.
Nikuda ne mrdamo. Sve smo bli�i Africi.
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MAPE �OU
Hazarderi nas vode u narodu im hrabrost. Na kartama su jaki - mape su im slabost.
NON STOP
Nezaposlenih nema uz rad se krijepimo. Posao nam cvjeta: etikete lijepimo!
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Vlast je udvostruèila napore. Biãe nam duplo te�e.
Dozvolili smo da nas potuku do nogu. A onda smo ih zgazili.
Vjeèiti smo gubitnici. Uvijek povuèemo najbolje poteze.
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Na�i politièari su prevazi�li svjetske.
Dok svjetski jo� polaze od interesa na�i su odavno stigli do glavnice.
Neãemo zalutati. I dalje ãe nam davati mrvice.
Ovo je dr�ava socijalne pravde. Svakim danom
svima nam je sve te�e.
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ZA SLUGE
Glad nam ne prijeti to ne treba kriti. Zaslugom vlasti svega smo siti.
BEZ GLASA
Obeãali su nam brda i doline kudi-kamo.
Glasove smo im dali - kako sad da kukamo?
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__ 62 __
Ljubav kroz vjekove: mi�u - lovim te, draga - volim te
baba - molim te!
Èlanovi konkursne komisije bili su ateisti.
Nijesam primljen, sa obrazlo�enjem da sam bogomdan za taj posao!?
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Pas je najbolji èovjekov prijatelj. Ne olajava!
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Toplo nam je oko srca. Gorimo od �elje za svim i svaèim.
Nijesmo crne ovce.
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�i�aju nas do gole ko�e.
U na�em braku vlada demokratija. Odluèuje veãinom ona.
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ISTOM MJEROM
Mi Te volimo! -
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iz naroda kliknu strast. Voða iskreno uzvrati:
Volim i Ja vlast!
ZAVIÈAJCI
Pakao nijesmo pro�li drugi to rade èesto.
Ne da im ðavo mira - nas dr�i mjesto!
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Perfektiva je ispred nas.
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I djeca ãe nam imati sjajnu pro�lost.
1941. zapovijest: 'Ubi bli�njeg svog!
Ne hranimo se jednolièno. Manjina �vaãe, veãina guta.
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Ne mogu da dobijem nijedan veliki posao.
Imam vezu samo sa malim mozgom.
Vjerna supruga: Kuèka je najbolji prijatelj
moje d�ukele!?
Samo nas je most razdvajao. Sada nas brvno spaja.
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TUR(A)
U balkanskoj krèmi krkljanac uz buru. Ameri poruèuju: "Svima po turu!"
EGAL
Èovjeka je stvorio rad bolesnike mase.
Napunili nam glave a sebi - k a s e.
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__ 68 __
Vlast je soli darna. Narod ne smije da ima
pokvarenu ma�tu.
Pobrao je sve lovorike.
Da bi se prehranio.
Imamo ludaèku sreãu! Ne mo�emo da izvuèemo keca iz rukava.
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__ 69 __
Pijanac je patentirao pronalazak.
Prona�ao je �lic!
Juna�tvo - hraniti sebe do prvoga èojstvo - hraniti prvoga do sebe.
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Vlast je lako okrenula list. Svi novinari bili su od pera.
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VOÐA
Re�irao je drame radio klapu po klapu
nama uzeli mjeru njemu skrojili kapu.
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PERSONA GRATA
Volim je do neba ljubav je moja stara. Kompletna je liènost:
i la�e me i vara!
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Vode nas svjetski ljudi. Pre�li su sve granice.
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Pobijedio sam prirodu. Iskljuèio sam klimu!
Kod nas su zakoni suvi�e kruti. Moramo da ih kr�imo.
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�ene su neravnopravne.
Jedne obdaruje Bog, druge laskavci.
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Policiju ne treba prozivati. Svugdje je prisutna.
Ne daj, Bo�e! Era je tr�i�ta.
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BR-UH!
Sve ãemo izdr�ati narod smo �ilav.
Ko ima muda biãe, uskoro, kilav!
IDE(OLO�KI)
Prosipali su pamet a bogme i crijeva.
Putevi im bili pravi a skretanja lijeva.
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Uzeli su vlast ! Nijesu imali izbora.
Narod i vlast su jedno. Na�e je biraèko tijelo
njihova - birokratska glava.
Odvukao sam policiji pa�nju. Nijesam mogao da hodam.
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Kocka je najstariji zainat na svijetu.
Bronza nam je obezbijeðena.
Stalno zaostajemo za drugima.
Zakrpe su na�a pro�lost.
I goli smo i bosi.
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ISTI(NA)�A
In vino veritas! � rimsko je �tivo. Vlast poruèuje: za narod � pivo!
�IVO(T)INJA
Nekada je vedrio od vjetra jaèe. Bilo, pa pro�lo:
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danas ga oblaèe!
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Saèuvali su prisustvo duha. Da bi pla�ili narod.
U krupnom smo planu. Krijemo se iza svojih uspjeha.
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Sve smo prodali. Ni du�u ne damo!
__ 78 __
Glupi na sve zijevaju. Pametno!
Snaga ulazi na usta.
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Vlast je dokazala da je samoubilaèka.
Objavila je rat korupciji.
Perfektna prezentacija futura: Vratimo se buduãnosti!
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POVRATAK
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Istorija se ponavlja. Ima li istine veãe?
Mo�da i ima � al', ipak: èuvajmo d r v e ã e!
NEMOGUÃA MISIJA
Golub mira je uzletio granèica iz kljuna viri.
Misiju èovjeka ima: balvan ljude da miri!
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Ova vlast je antimaterijalistièka: sebi je priu�tila paru, svijetu maglu
narodu - mrak.
Stalo im je do nas. Moraju da nas uklone.
Mrava nije zgazio. Sve je zaradio na pu�ku.
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Zahvaljujuãi babici nijesam ispao budala!
Stali su na pola puta. Da vide koliko su nas pre�li.
Otkrio sam toplu vodu. Ne manje zasluge ima moj pomoãnik.
On je podigao poklopac!
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DU�EVNA HRANA
U izobilju �ivimo - to svima obznanimo! Glad nam ne prijeti:
glupostima se hranimo!
PORUGA
Pu�i se na sve strane boluje dr�ava pravna.
Mari Hu Ana poruèuje: ovo je dr�ava travna!
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Iskoristio sam �ansu. Pao sam pred golom.
Treba bje�ati glavom bez obzira.
Kod nas se najvi�e puca u prazno.
Pacifista je na djelu dokazao
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da nije protiv rata. Uzeo je kredit.
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Policija mora da rastjera demonstrante. Bije koga stigne!
Vi �to nemate kièmu - nosite se!
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Konj je plemenita �ivotinja. Zato je pas
najbolji èovjekov prijatelj.
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TRAMPA
Novac kvari ljude tako je, ka�u, svuda.
Vlast je na�la rje�enje: za bubrege nam prodaje muda!
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SALDO NULA
Efikasnost nas krasi prosto smo postiðeni. �anse su nam izgledne
rezultati - neviðeni.
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Na�i politièari su pragmatièni. Ne govore gluposti.
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Prepoznatljivi smo po pameti. Kratko je uvijek u modi.
Bili smo poluagresori. Oni su ru�ili mostove
mi - prijateljstva!
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Digli su mu spomenik. U interesu istrage imena poèinilaca
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biãe naknadno uklesana.
I narod mo�e da u�tedi. Niko ga ne �i�a.
Budimo ono �to jesmo! A jesmo do grla.
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FETUS
Ostvariãemo ciljeve ko god nas vodio.
Uspjeh nam ne gine - nije se ni rodio!
ZAMJENA TEZA
Politika je takva u ambis nas surva.
Mi smo ona strana - a ona nam kurva!?
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Glupi moraju da lupaju. Pametnima su sva vrata otvorena.
Poslu�ila me dvostruka sreãa! Dobio sam bitku
ali ne i brat.
Bud�et je zakon
koji se usvaja veãinom a prisvaja manjinom.
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Siroma�tvo je kod nas ravnomjerno rasporeðeno.
Svako ima svoju istinu.
Najbolji smo u zemlji! Kremiranje ne dolazi u obzir.
Èovjekovo porijeklo je sporno. Majmunima nije svojstveno
ni �i�anje ni blejanje.
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PRST
Na tabeli morala to nam je u krvi
kotiramo se odlièno: �esti nam je prvi!
ISTINA O ISTINI
Istina je u vinu! - to je prava �ala.
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Ni u sredini nije: u vodu je pala!
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Karijeru je zavr�io
bez i najmanje mrlje. Zaglibio je sto posto.
Iz policije sam iza�ao osloboðen straha.
Polomili su mi kosti.
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Izvuãi ãemo se zahvaljujuãi vlasti. Uvlaèi nas
u sve veãe probleme.
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U sreãnim zemljama mrak je prirodna pojava.
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Policajac je usrao stvar.
Branio se da mu je nareðeno da pendrek koristi samo u velikoj nu�di.
Crnogorski u sto lekcija: jeftino, jeftinije, ko�a!
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VOX POPULI
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Demokratija cvjeta to nije sporno - bar.
Glas naroda se slu�a: forma je tehnike stvar.
MJERA
U govnima smo do grla nijesmo jedini - dodu�e. Vlast ne prelazi granicu:
zadu�uje nas do gu�e.
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Partizani i èetnici su bili na istoj strani -
sjeverno od Ekvatora.
Svijet nas je objeruèke prihvatio. Pa, �to?
Od vazduha se ne �ivi.
Hipokratko reèeno: Sve �ene su velike boginje!?
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Vlast nam ne poklanja pa�nju. Mora da pazi �to radimo.
Na�e vrijeme tek dolazi. Posljednji voz je, upravo, pro�ao!
Crnogorska op�tenarodna izreka: Grije�i, ko radi!
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U TRENDU
Zaslugom vlasti ma, nek' se nosi
nijesmo de mode: i goly smo i bosy!
STEG(A)
Ustav se po�tuje na «sreãu» na�u. Niko ga ne gazi - svi njime ma�u!
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__ 98 __
U sredini gdje je etnika ispred etike
èovjek je pozadi.
Prazno nam je oko srca. Glava nam je u torbi.
Vlast je
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racionalizovala uèe�ãe na izborima. Umije�ala je samo jedan prst.
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Do�ivjeli smo istorijski pad. Preci su nam bili na grani
pozomci na travi.
Ubavoj nam Crnoj Gori: Oj, svijetla majska zoro
onamo, 'namo - niðe!
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Izmeðu dva zla treba izabrati - izmeðu.
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DEMANTI
Svaka narodna nije sveta nek' je na znanje svima.
Jes' da pametniji popu�ta - al' mudriji dizgine uzima.
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OPTIMIZAM
Pali smo odavno vrijeme je odmaklo al' na noge staãemo:
staklo je staklo!
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Krug osumnjièenih je su�en. Za krupne krivce nema mjesta.
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Porodica je uz mene. Mnogi to do�ive tek kada umru.
Obogatili su se preko noãi. Danju su morali da rade.
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Tra�im razvod.
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�ena mi ne da!
Nijesmo ni mi pasli travu! Stigli smo poslije kosidbe.
Zauzeli smo èvrst stav: Nema promjene poze!
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POPULISTI
Svaka vlast je ista od iskona je tako - sa èovjekom te�ko sa narodom lako.
CRNOGORCI
Vjeèito tra�imo ðavola i kad dobijemo bore. Na�e gore on je list: nit' kopa, nit' ore!
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Od unutra�njih organa
najèe�ãe stradaju bubrezi.
Vlast treba slijediti do kraja. Zatvor je za ljude!
Puni smo duha. Ne ispu�tamo bocu iz usta.
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Aforizam je pucanj u porazno.
Premijerno izvoðenje u potpunosti je uspjelo.
U streljaèkom stroju niko nije htio da glumi.
Komunisti su bili osuðeni na neuspjeh. Listom su i�li u korjenite promjene.
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OD ISKONA
Separatisti vjeèito vladaju za njih prava divota
lijepo s korisnim spajaju nas odvajaju od �ivota.
VJEÈNI MIR
Minut po minut ãutimo
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vjeèiti vlada muk: Èovjek je èovjeku èovjek
na vuka neèe vuk.
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Nijedan posao mu ne mo�e pobjeãi. Vezan je za vladajuãu partiju.
Penzija je mini starsko primanje!?
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Ova vlast je ekolo�ka zahvaljujuãi opoziciji.
Ona joj iznosi prljav ve�.
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Duvaju neki èudni vjetrovi. Èovjek, prosto,
ne zna kada da pi�a.
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Kvadrati � geometrijske slike, kvadratne budale � geomedijske figure.
U igrama na sreãu samo se brojevi izvuku.
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(M)UÈENJE
U policiji biju trojica najmanje dvojica stiãe u �koli su, ka�u, uèili: èovjek je dru�tveno biãe.
KRATKE NOGE
Svjedoci smo napretka iz punih usta ka�emo.
Nijesmo pod zakletvom: mo�emo i da la�emo.
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Politièari su listom kanibalisti. Jedu govna.
Stvari izmièu kontroli. Ljudi se jo� dr�e.
Ko je dolje �ivi gore.
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Uzeo sam poljoprivredni kredit.
Nijesam ni ja travu pasao.
O njegovom po�tenju prièa se na daleko. Ovdje ga svi znaju.
Narod je, konaèno, progledao.
Sad mo�e da �muri na sve.
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PIRMANIJA
Pobjede Pirove uspjesi su na�i: u ratu gubitnici u miru gubita�i.
ÈULO SMRADA
Demokratiju osjetimo nakon davanja glasa tada vlast - legitimno
koristi pravo gasa.
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Poplave bi za nas bile spas.
U govnima smo do grla.
Japanci neãe do�ivjeti sudbinu Hazara. Ne staju!
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Voajeri su s pravom uporni. Znaju da taj film vi�e ne bi gledali.
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Ne mo�e nam niko ni�ta. Neizljeèivi smo.
�ivimo sve du�e. Od plate do plate.
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Najznaèajnija je figura! U sebi nema ni�ta ljudsko.
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SREÃKOVIÃI
Èuda se de�avaju - svjesni smo toga. Svi nam zavide:
vidjeli smo svoga Boga!
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DR(UM)
U zemlji nam raj kakvog li gu�ta!
Glupi ostaje pametni napu�ta.
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Siroma�tvo je kod nas sve manje rasprostranjeno. Gladni su sve tanji i tanji.
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Kod nas su graðani ravnopravni. Muèe ih isti ljudi.
Bog je od nas digao ruke. Da bi se prekrstio.
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Nijesam upao u lo�e dru�tvo, Tu sam rodjen.
Ljekar je odlo�io operaciju. Vrijeme je novac.
Pobijediãu bolest. Kovertirao sam potez.
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U NEVAKAT
Politika je, ka�u, kurva al' narod je ona strana. Znam �to je u pitanju:
rano je napu�tena grana!
BEOÈUG
Kad uðemo u NATO biãemo dio lanca tad ãe svi vidjeti
kako USA dere JADCA.
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Mo�emo i o po�tenju. Nije izborna godina.
Imaãe nas u vidu. Kad propadnemo u svakom pogledu.
Hazarski recept: Ne jesti na prazan stomak!
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Èim se demokratija ukorijeni radiãemo kao krtice.
Ne volim da se hvalim. U tome sam bez premca.
Krajnje smo istrajni. Od poèetka godine borimo se
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do kraja mjeseca.
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LOJALNOST
Opet ãu im dati glas «bolji» dani ãe doãi biãu nijemi svjedok: da kukam neãu moãi.
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Obogatio se preko noãi radio je � kao
visoko je uzletio i u nesavjest pao.
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Vode uspje�nu kadrovsku politiku. Od nula prave zvaniène krugove.
Mo�emo slobodno da nakrivimo �e�ir.
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Niko ni�ta ne ubacuje.
U puzanju smo bez premca. Ne damo na sebe!
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Ne mogu naprijed. Iza mene niko ne stoji.
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Mnogi zeleni su zbog �utog
morali kroz crveno.
Aforizam je MISao!
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O AUTORU
Veljko Rajkoviã je roðen 1954. godine u Dujevi (rodnom selu majke), Rijeka Crnojeviãa, Cetinje.
Zavr�io je pravni fakultet. �ivi u Podgorici. Pi�e aforizme i epigrame. Objavio je knjigu afor- izama U ZNAK(U) UZVIKA (1999). Jedan je od
autora Antologije crnogorskog aforizma RIJETKE ÈESTICE (2006).
Vi�e puta je nagraðivan na Crnogorskom festivalu humora i satire u Danilovgradu � gdje je progla�en za satirièara godine u Crnoj Gori (2005). Na Prvom
meðunarodnom konkursu u Crnoj Gori, za karikatu- ru i aforizam, dobio je prvu nagradu za aforizam (2005). Zastupljen je u vi�e antologija i zbirki afo-
rizama.
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CIP � Katalogizacija u publikaciji Centralne narodne biblioteke Crne Gore � Cetinje 821.163.4-84 821.163.4-193.2 RAJKOVIÃ, Veljko Èovjekoliki ljudi, aforizmi & epigrami / Veljko Rajkoviã � Podgorica: UHS CG � Udru�enje humorista i satirièara Crne Gore, 2007. (Podgorica � Specijal). 129str. 20cm Tira� 500. � O autoru: str. 129. ISBN 978-96-908167-2-9 COBISS.CG-ID 11481872
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