achieve your goals-worklife

7/27/2019 Achieve Your Goals-WORKLIFE

1/121


2/121

!CHIEVE9OUR'OALS


3/121


4/121

3TRATEGIES TOTRANSFORM YOUR LIFE

!.$9 3-)4(

!CHIEVE

9OUR 'OALS


5/121


6/121

#LEAR THE "LOCKS

$EFEAT ,IMITING "ELIEFS

$EAL WITH 0ROBLEMS

$EAL WITH /THER 0EOPLE

$EAL WITH #RITICISM

#REATE THE 6ISION9OU 7ANT

3ET 9OUR 'OALS

-AKE 'OAL 3ETTING 7ORK

&IND A 2OUTE TO 3UCCESSFUL'OALS

0LACE THE 'OAL )N 9OUR&UTURE

'ETTING 4HERE

-AKE 9OUR 'OALS (APPEN

&OCUS ON 9OUR $ESIRED/UTCOME

0LAY TO 9OUR 3TRENGTHS

$EAL WITH /VERLOAD

,IVE 5P TO 9OUR 3ELF

)MAGE4AKE #ARE OF 9OURSELF

,EARN FROM 9OUR -ISTAKE

"EYOND 9OUR 'OALS

)NDEX

!CKNOWLEDGMENTS


7/121


8/121

RESOLVE ANY DOUBTS AND UNCERTAINTIES SO THAT YOU CAN

THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT &INALLY USE BRAIN F

METHODS TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL 9OUR MIND IS AN AMAZIN

POWERFUL AND COMPLEX MECHANISM )T WILL RESPOND WE

SOME APPROACHES AND WILL RESIST SOME OTHERS WITH ALL

4HIS BOOK SHOWS YOU THE BEST WAYS TO MAKE YOUR GOCOMPELLING AND KEEP YOUR MIND MOTIVATED )T WILL WOR

YOU START WITH THE SELF ASSESSMENT ON THE FOLLOWING

WORK THROUGH THE BOOK FROM START TO lNISH )F POSSIBLE

UP WITH A GOAL SETTING PARTNER SO THAT YOU CAN SUPPOR

OTHER ALONG THE WAY 4HIS HELPS BECAUSE YOU CAN OFTEN

ADDITIONAL INSIGHTS FROM YOUR PARTNER AS YOU TALK TH

EXERCISES TOGETHER AND ALSO BECAUSE WHEN YOU TELL A

PERSON ABOUT YOUR GOALS THOSE GOALS BECOME MORE RE

YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO CARRY

THEM OUT )F YOU CAN T lND A

GOAL SETTING PARTNER RIGHT

AWAY DOING THE EXERCISES BY

YOURSELF WILL STILL WORK BUTYOU MUST DO THEM NOT JUST

THINK THEM THROUGH IN ORDER

FOR THEM TO BE TRULY EFFECTIVE

) . 4 2 / $ 5 # 4 ) / .


9/121

"EFORE !FTER

!SSESSING 9OUR 3KILLS4HESE QUESTIONS ARE DESIGNED TO GET YOU THINKING ABGOAL SETTING AND MAY LEAD TO NEW INSIGHTS WHETHER

AN EXPERIENCED GOAL ACHIEVER OR JUST STARTING OUT 4FULL BENElT COMPLETE THE ASSESSMENT TWICE ONCE BEFYOU READ THE BOOK AND AGAIN AFTER YOU HAVE READ ITCRUCIALLY DONE THE PRACTICAL EXERCISES 4HE MORE HOARE WITH YOURSELF THE GREATER THE BENElTS YOU WILL

7HEN YOU THINK ABOUT THE PROBLEMS THATYOU FACE NOW WHAT IS YOUR lRST INSTINCT

! ) BLAME OTHERS" ) BLAME MYSELF # ) ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY AND THINK ABOUT WHAT )

CAN DO TO CHANGE THINGS

7HEN THINGS DON T WORK OUT THE WAY YOUWANT THEM TO WHAT IS YOUR RESPONSE

! ) FEEL THAT ) HAVE FAILED" ) REDOUBLE MY EFFORTS# ) ASK MYSELF WHAT ) NEED TO LEARN FROM THIS RESULT

7HAT KIND OF INTERNAL DIALOGUES DO YOU HAVE

! 4HEY ARE CRITICAL" 4HEY ARE SUPPORTIVE AND ENCOURAGING# ) DON T HAVE INTERNAL DIALOGUES MY hINNER VOICEv

IS SILENT MOST OF THE TIME

(OW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR CURRENT JOB

! ) DON T DO ANY MORE THAN ) HAVE TO" )T DOESN T REALLY SUIT ME BUT ) WORK HARD AS A

MATTER OF PRIDE# -Y WORK IS TAKING ME CLOSER TO FULlLLING MY LIFE S

PURPOSE

!#( )%6% 9/52 ' / ! ,3


10/121

! 3 3 % 3 3 ) . ' 9 / 5 2 3 + ) , , 3

"EFORE !FTER

7HICH OF THESE STATEMENTS IS CLOSEST

TO YOUR PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE! 9OU RE EITHER LUCKY OR UNLUCKY" 0EOPLE MAKE THEIR OWN LUCK# %VERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IS AN OPPORTUNITY

TO LEARN

7HY IS IT IMPORTANT TO YOU TO ACHIEVEYOUR GOALS! ) HAVEN T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT" "ECAUSE ) DON T WANT TO STAY WHERE ) AM NOW# 4O INCREASE THE POSSIBILITIES OPEN TO ME

(OW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR STRENGTHS

! ) M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THEY ARE" 4HEY RE BETTER THAN MOST PEOPLE S BUT THEY RE

NEVER GOOD ENOUGH# ) KNOW MY STRENGTHS AND AM ALWAYS READY

TO IMPROVE THEM

7HAT IS YOUR ATTITUDE TO THE FUTURE

! ) TRY TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT" -Y FUTURE IS PLANNED OUT FOR THE NEXTlVE YEARS

# ) KNOW WHERE ) M GOING AND ) HAVE MANYPOSSIBLE ROUTES TO GET THERE

(OW CLEARLY DElNED ARE YOUR GOALS

! .OT VERY THEY RE JUST DAYDREAMS" )T S ALL WRITTEN DOWN AND ) WILL GET THERE IF IT

KILLS ME# 4HEY ARE CLEAR AND VIVID AND ) UPDATE THEM IN

THE LIGHT OF NEW INFORMATION

(OW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU RE DOINGA GOOD JOB

! /THER PEOPLE TELL ME" ) JUST KNOW# 7HEN MY FEELING ABOUT IT IS CONlRMED BY

FEEDBACK FROM OTHER PEOPLE AND OBJECTIVEEVIDENCE


11/121

! # ( ) % 6 % 9 / 5 2 ' / ! , 3

"EFORE !FTER

7HAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DIDN TACHIEVE YOUR GOALS

! ,IFE WOULD GO ON THE SAME AS USUAL" ) HAVE TO ACHIEVE MY GOALS# ) EXPECT TO ACHIEVE THEM BUT WHATEVER

HAPPENS ) WILL LEARN SOMETHING VALUABLEFROM IT

(OW CLEAR ARE YOU ABOUT WHAT ISIMPORTANT TO YOU

! ) M A BIT VAGUE" ) M VERY CLEAR IF ) WASN T ANYTHING COULD

HAPPEN# ) AM CLEAR ABOUT WHAT S IMPORTANT EVEN IF IT IS

SOMETIMES FULlLLED IN UNEXPECTED WAYS

(OW DO YOU MAINTAIN YOUR WORK LIFEBALANCE

! )T S NOT A PROBLEM ) DO ENOUGH TO GET BYAND THEN STOP

" )T ALL GOES BY THE BOARD WHEN THERE S ADEADLINE

# ) AM REALISTIC ABOUT WHAT ) CAN DO AND MAKESURE THE IMPORTANT THINGS GET DONE lRST

$O YOU DESERVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL

! .OT ESPECIALLY NO MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE" 9ES BECAUSE ) WORK HARD FOR IT

# 9ES LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ) lND IT EASIER TO BEAT MY BEST WHEN ) AM HAPPY AND FULlLLED

"EFORE

!FTER

&INAL 3CORES

! " #


12/121

!NALYSIS

-OSTLY !S

4HESE ANSWERS SUGGEST YOU FEEL THAT THE LOCUS OF CONTROL IS OUT

YOU AND THAT WHATEVER YOU TRY WILL PROBABLY NOT SUCCEED 7HAT

YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAPPEN IN YOUR FUTURE IT IS LIKELY TO REMAIN A

DAYDREAM UNLESS YOU TAKE SOME ACTION 4O CHANGE THINGS FOLLOW

STEPS IN THE BOOK AND DO THE EXERCISES DON T JUST READ THEM 3TAR

WITH SMALL ACHIEVABLE STEPS BUILD UP SOME REFERENCE EXPERIENCSUCCESSFUL GOAL ATTAINMENT

-OSTLY " S9OU ARE HIGHLY MOTIVATED A BIT OF A PERFECTIONIST AND YOUR OWN

HARSHEST CRITIC 9OU DON T LIKE TO BE BEATEN AND WILL FORCE YOURS

OVERCOME CHALLENGES AGAINST THE ODDS 9OU MAY lND HOWEVER THACHIEVING YOUR GOALS SOMETIMES TURNS OUT TO BE LESS SATISFYING

YOU ENVISAGED 'IVE SOME ATTENTION TO CLARIFYING WHAT IS IMPORTA

YOU AND MAKE SURE YOU TAKE ACCOUNT OF HOW YOUR GOALS IMPACT

YOUR HEALTH RELATIONSHIPS AND GENERAL HAPPINESS

-OSTLY #S

9OU DEMONSTRATE A MATURE APPROACH TO GOAL ACHIEVEMENT YOU TAK

RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS YOU ARE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT Y

AND YOU THINK ABOUT THE EFFECTS ON YOUR LIFE AND RELATIONSHIPS -A

SURE YOU DO NOT BECOME OVER ANALYTICAL ABOUT YOUR GOALS AS TH

LEAD TO A LACK OF MOTIVATION 4O RECHARGE YOUR DRIVE TAKE CARE T

CONNECTED WITH WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND TRY OUT NEW EXPERIEFROM TIME TO TIME

#ONCLUSION)F THIS IS THE lRST TIME YOU HAVE DONE THIS SELF ASSESSMENT THEN BE

MIND THIS ANALYSIS AS YOU READ THE BOOK 0AY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO

AREAS HIGHLIGHTED BY YOUR RESPONSES AS WELL AS THE TIPS AND TECHNTHESE WILL HELP YOU TO REDUCE THE NUMBER OF ! RESPONSES NEXT TIM

AROUND AND ACHIEVE A MORE BALANCED MIXTURE OF " S AND # S !FTER

HAVE COMPLETED THE BOOK AND PUT THE TECHNIQUES INTO PRACTICE R

THE ASSESSMENT 'IVING HONEST ANSWERS WILL ENABLE YOU TO GET A D

MEASURE OF YOUR PROGRESS AND YOU SHOULD SEE A BIG IMPROVEMENT

!33%33) . ' 9 /52 3+) , , 3


13/121

4O REACH YOUR DESTINATION YOU NEED TO KWHERE YOU ARE STARTING FROM 9OU CAN GECLUES ABOUT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE FROMYOUR LIFE NOW AND HOW YOU ARRIVED AT

THIS POINT 9OUR BELIEFS ARE SELF FULlLLINGPROPHECIES SO FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU WANAND WHAT IS ALREADY WORKING HELPS YOU RYOUR REMAINING GOALS 4HIS SECTION SHOW

s 7HY IT S VITAL TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FORYOU ARE NOW

s (OW TO USE THE #AUSE AND %FFECT EQUATIOs (OW TO DEVELOP YOUR PERSONAL POWER

s 4HE POWER OF YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND TOHELP YOU TO ACHIEVE WHAT YOU WANT

s (OW TO DEVELOP YOUR SELF AWARENESS ANASSESS WHERE YOUR LIFE IS NOW

)T S 5PTO 9OU


14/121


15/121

4AKE 2ESPONSIBILITY4HE lRST STEP IN CHANGING YOUR LIFE IS TO ACCEPT

RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHERE YOU ARE NOW 2ECOGNIZE THATYOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFENO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR YOU

-AKE THE 2IGHT #HOICES4O TAKE RESPONSIBILITY IS SIMPLY TO RECOGNIZE THAT YO

THE ABILITY TO RESPOND TO EVENTS AS THEY HAPPEN 9OUCANNOT CONTROL WHAT LIFE THROWS AT YOU 7HAT YOU CCONTROL IS THE CHOICES YOU MAKERESPONSE 4HIS ALSO MEANS THAT YOHAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE THEBEST CHOICES YOU CAN AND TO KEEP

LEARNING SO THAT YOU EXPAND THERANGE OF CHOICES AVAILABLE TO YO4HE MORE ABILITIES YOU HAVE THEEASIER IT IS TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOIN ANY GIVEN SITUATION $OES THATMEAN YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALL YOURS

WITHOUT ANY OUTSIDE ASSISTANCE .O THERE ARE SOMEGOALS YOU CAN ONLY ACHIEVE THROUGH WORKING WITH9OU CAN T MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HELP YOU BUT YOU CANINmUENCE AND INSPIRE THEM TO WANT TO HELP YOU INACHIEVING YOUR GOALS

$ON T 3ELF BLAME4AKING RESPONSIBILITY IS NOT THE SAME AS BLAMING YOUOR OTHER PEOPLE FOR ANYTHING THAT HAS GONE WRONGNOW %VERYONE INCLUDING YOU MAKES THE BEST CHOICCAN ACCORDING TO HOW THEY PERCEIVE THE WORLD AT TH)T MAKES NO SENSE TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THINGS YOU HA

DONE IN THE PAST BECAUSE AT THAT TIME YOU WERE DOINBEST THAT YOU COULD

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5

iw

(APPINESS DEPENDS UPON OURSELVES!RISTOTLE

4O GET RESULTSACTION IS

NECESSARY ASWELL AS GOOD

INTENTIONS


16/121

"REAK THE #IRCLE OF&AILURE

4!+% 2%30/ .3 ) " ) , )49

4HINK &EEDBACK NOT &AILURE

7HEN YOU DON T IMMEDIATELY GET THE RESULT YOU WANT

YOU HAVE A CHOICE ABOUT HOW YOU VIEW THAT RESULT /WAY OF LOOKING AT THINGS IS LIKELY TO BRING US MORE BRESULTS THE OTHER HOWEVER GIVES US A CHANCE TO LEMISTAKES SO WE DON T REPEAT THEM 7E CAN JUDGE RESULWE DON T LIKE EITHER AS hFAILUREv OR AS hFEEDBACKvINFORMATION THAT ALLOWS US TO CORRECT OUR COURSE

ONE WILL YOU CHOOSE

,EARN TO *UDGE 9OUR 2ESULTS)F YOU BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO THINKING OF YOURSELF AFAILURE YOU ARE SETTING UP A VICIOUS CIRCLE THAT CANTO BREAK )F HOWEVER YOU TAKE ALL YOUR RESULTS POS

NEGATIVE AS FEEDBACK YOU ARE SETTING UP A PROGRESSCHAIN OF EVENTS ONE YOU CAN LEARN FROM

4HAT SFEEDBACK

%VERYTHING )TRY IN THE FUTURE

WILL FAIL4HAT FAILED

) M A FAILURE

7HAT DO ) NEEDTO LEARN

7HAT WILL ) DODIFFERENTLY

-Y RESULTS WILLIMPROVE

5SE &AILURE FOR 0OSITIVE 2ESULTS !VOID FALLING INTO AVICIOUS CIRCLE OF FAILURE BY ANALYZING WHY YOU FAILED IN APARTICULAR SITUATION AND DETERMINING TO CHANGE THE WAYYOU ACT IN A SIMILAR SITUATION IN THE FUTURE )F YOU TREATEVERY FAILURE AS A POSITIVE LEARNING EXPERIENCE YOU ARESETTING YOURSELF UP TO SUCCEED NEXT TIME

&AILURE


17/121

-AKE 9OUR 'OOD &ORTUNE$O YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU ARE AT THE MERCY OF EVENT

THAT YOUR CHANCES FOR SUCCESS ARE DETERMINED BY YHISTORY YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES AND WHAT OTHER PEOPLEALLOW YOU TO DO /R DO YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE THEOF YOUR OWN DESTINY THAT YOU MAKE YOUR OWN LUCKTHAT YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE -OST OFWOULD PUT OURSELVES SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN 4HE MOR

FEEL YOURSELF SYMPATHIZING WITH THE SECOND VIEWPOIMORE LIKELY YOU ARE TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS

#AUSE AND %FFECT-ANY PEOPLE PUT THEMSELVES AT THE %FFECT END OF THESPECTRUM 4HEY FEEL THAT THEIR EMOTIONS JUST HAPPEN

THEM OR ARE CAUSED BY OTHER PEOPLE 9OU CAN HEAR CTHE WAY PEOPLE THINK IN THE WORDS THEY CHOOSE TO EXTHEMSELVESs 3HE UPSET MEs (E MADE ME ANGRYs 4HIS GRIDLOCKED TRAFlC IS REALLY GETTING TO ME

"Y THINKING THIS WAY THEY ARE HANDING POWER OVER HTHEY FEEL TO OTHER PEOPLE OR EVEN TO INANIMATE OBJERATHER THAN TAKING CHARGE OF THEIR FEELINGS AND USTO POSITIVE EFFECT 4HEY ARE SAYING THAT HOW THEY FEEEVEN WHAT THEY DO IS BEYOND THEIR CONTROL )S THIS HWANT TO BE 0UT YOURSELF AT #AUSE INSTEAD

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5

#HANGE 9OUR 0OSITION

#!53% %&&%#4 9/5


18/121

&OCUS ON THE 0RESENT

7HEN YOU DECIDE TO PLACE YOURSELF AT THE #AUSE END OSPECTRUM THINGS CHANGE 9OU ARE MORE LIKELY TO BELTHE PRINCIPLE THAT ANY PROBLEM CAN BE SOLVED AND YFOCUS MORE ON WHAT YOU WANT THAN ON WHAT YOU DON7HEN PROBLEMS ARISE RATHER THAN ASKING h7HY IS THIS

HAPPENING TO ME v A QUESTION FOCUSING ATTENTION ONPAST YOU ASK THINGS LIKEs %XACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON HEREs 7HAT CAN ) DO TO CHANGE ITs 7HAT IS IT THAT ) WANT TO HAPPEN INSTEAD4HESE QUESTIONS PLACE YOUR

ATTENTION ON THE PRESENTAND THE FUTURE A MOREUSEFUL FOCUS THAN THE PAST IFYOU WANT TO CHANGE

4AKE $ECISIVE !CTION ,IFE OFTEN CALLSON YOU TO ACT DECISIVELY ! MEDICALTEAM FOR EXAMPLE MUST CONSTANTMAKE KEY DECISIONS ON PATIENT CAR

)DENTIFY #AUSE AND %FFECT

#!53% %&&%#4

!SKS h(OW 7HAT v !SKS h7HY v(AS A PRESENT FUTURE FOCUS (AS A FOCUS ON THE PAST,EARNS FROM PROBLEMS &EELS BAD ABOUT PROBLEM


19/121

$EVELOP 9OUR 0ERSONAL 0OWER9OUR PERSONAL POWER IS YOUR ABILITY TO MAKE CHOICES F

YOURSELF 7HEN THE POWER IS STRONG LIFE BECOMES MUCHEASIER 9OU HAVE THE DElNITE SENSE THAT YOU ARE INCHARGE AND THAT THE CHOICES ARE YOURS TO MAKE

%NJOY THE "ENElT7ITH A HEALTHILY DEVELOPED SENSE OF PERSONAL POWER

WILL lND YOU CAN MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS SO YOU DONTHINGS IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT THAT YOU LATER REGDO THINGS BECAUSE YOU WANT TO NOT JUST TO PLEASE OTPEOPLE 9OU ACT MORE COMPASSIONATELY BECAUSE YOU ANOT FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF 9OUR MIND IS CALM ANYET ALERT 7HATEVER CHALLENGES YOU FACE YOU ARE AB

RESPOND APPROPRIATELY /THER PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTED TBECAUSE YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF

5SE 9OUR 0OWER TO !CT3OME PEOPLE lND THEMSELVES UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THEOF hPERSONAL POWER v BECAUSE FOR THEM IT HAS CONNO

OF DOMINANCE OVER OTHER PEOPLE OF ORDERING THEMAROUND AND TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO 4HIS IS HOWEVEMISCONCEPTION OF WHAT IS MEANT BY THE TERM 0ERSONAPOWER IS ABOUT INCREASING YOUR INNER PERSONAL STREYOUR RELIANCE ON YOURSELF AND YOUR ABILITY TO ACHGOALS 9OU WILL lND THAT AS YOU BUILD UP REFERENCE

EXPERIENCES OF ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS STARTING SMALAND GRADUALLY INCREASING YOUR LEVEL OF CHALLENGEGAIN CONlDENCE YOUR hSELF EFlCACYv AS PSYCHOLOGISTYOUR SENSE OF PERSONAL POWER WILL GROW TOO /NCE YHAVE IT IT IS UP TO YOU TO USE THAT POWER WISELY )F YOTHE SORT OF PERSON WHO TENDS TO FEEL MARTYRED OR PU

BY OTHER PEOPLE YOU WILLlND THAT FEELING GRADUALLYDIMINISHING AND YOUR SENSEOF EFFECTIVENESS GROWING AYOU START TO INCREASE YOURPERSONAL POWER

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5

i

w

!FlRM THE POSITIVEVISUALIZE THE POSITIVE ANDEXPECT THE POSITIVE

2EMEZ 3ASSON


20/121

$%6%, /0 9 /52 0%23/ . ! , 0 /7%2

4HIS IS A WAY OF CALMING YOUR MIND AND BODY FAST 7HSTRESSFUL SITUATIONS ARE SPRUNG ON YOU YOU DON T UHAVE TIME TO DO HALF AN HOUR OF YOGA 9OU CAN USE THEXERCISE ANY TIME ANYWHERE

0LACE YOUR ATTENTION ON A POINTSTRAIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND SLIGHTLYABOVE YOUR EYE LEVEL ,OOK AT IT WITHhSOFT EYES v WITHOUT STRAINING TOFOCUS AND BLINK WHENEVER YOU WANT3TILL LOOKING STRAIGHT AHEAD ALLOW

YOUR lELD OF VISION TO GRADUALLYBROADEN OUT AS YOU NOTICE MORE ANDMORE OF WHAT IS ON EITHER SIDE OF THATPOINT UNTIL YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU CAN SOF THE CORNERS OF YOUR EYES ON BOTH SIDES AT ONCE.OW LET YOUR AWARENESS SPREAD OUT EVEN FARTHER 5SE YO

SENSES OF HEARING AND SPATIAL AWARENESS TO GET A FEELINWHAT IS BEHIND YOU AS WELL2ELAX INTO THIS ALL AROUND AWARENESS AND NOTICE WHAT3TAY THERE FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN

7HAT DID YOU NOTICE -OST PEOPLE REPORT A FEELING OF INCREARELAXATION THEY NOTICE THAT THEIR BREATHING HAS SLOWED D

THAT ANY INTERNAL DIALOGUE OR DEBATE PLAYING IN THEIR HEASLOWED DOWN OR EVEN STOPPED ALTOGETHER 5SING YOUR PERIPVISION AS AN AID TO CALM LIKE THIS NEED NOT BE AN INTENSIVE)F YOU ARE GIVING A PRESENTATION FOR EXAMPLE GOING A LITTINTO PERIPHERAL VISION WILL HELP TO CALM ANY NERVOUS BUTTHAVE AND WILL ALSO ENABLE YOU TO SEE NONVERBAL RESPONSE

THE WHOLE AUDIENCE RATHER THAN CONCENTRATING TOO HARDINDIVIDUALS AT THE COST OF AN OVERVIEW 4O REST YOUR EYES AREFRESHED AFTER THE PERIPHERAL VISION EXERCISE RUB YOUR HTOGETHER VIGOROUSLY TO WARM THEM AND THEN PLACE YOUR POVER YOUR CLOSED EYES FOR A FEW SECONDS

"ECOMING #ALM

!S THE EYESRELAX MUSCLE

TENSIONLEAVES THE

BODY


21/121


22/121

$%6%, /0 9 /52 0%23/ . ! , 0 /7%2

3TRENGTH9OU MAY FEELTHAT WHETHER OR NOTSOMEONE CAN PUSH YOUOFF BALANCE IS SOLELY AQUESTION OF PHYSICAL

STRENGTH #HANGE YOURFOCUS AND YOU WILL lNDTHIS IS NOT THE CASE

&OCUS7HEN YOUCONCENTRATE YOUR ENERGYIN A PERIPHERAL PART OFYOUR BODY YOUR LEFT EARYOU WILL lND THAT YOU ARE

EASY TO PUSH OFF BALANCEEVEN IF YOU ARE TRYINGHARD TO STAY UPRIGHT

#ENTER/NCE YOU HAVECONCENTRATED YOURENERGIES CENTRALLY IN YBODY YOU WILL lND THATYOU ARE HARDER TO PUSH

BACKWARD EVEN IF YOUARE CONSCIOUSLY RESISTINTHE PUSH LESS HARD

4EST (OW #ENTERED 9OU !RE)T IS EASY BOTH TO TEST HOW CENTERED YOU ARE AND TO

YOURSELF MORE STRONGLY !SK A FRIEND TO PUSH YOUR CTRY TO MAKE YOU TAKE A STEP BACKWARD 4RY THIS TWIClRST TIME FOCUSING ON THE TOP OF YOUR LEFT EAR AND TSECOND TIME CENTERED 9OU LL NOTICE A DRAMATIC DIFFE

)MAGINE PROJECTING AN hENERGY BUBBLEv FROMYOUR CENTRAL POINT .OTICE THE RESULTS YOU GET4)0


23/121

#LEAR 9OUR )NNER #LUTTER)F YOU FEEL AS THOUGH THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS

HAPPENING AT ONCE AND YOU DON T KNOW WHERE TO STARTTHIS IS A SIGN THAT YOU NEED TO CLEAR SOME MENTAL SPAC/THERWISE YOU COULD END UP CONSTANTLY lRElGHTING

"E %FFECTIVE NOT "USY-ANY PEOPLE TODAY BELIEVE THAT THEY hCAN T RELAX v 5

THIS IS BECAUSE THEY FEEL THERE IS SOMETHING THAT THEWANT TO FACE UP TO SO THEY TRY TO DISTRACT THEMSELVKEEPING CEASELESSLY BUSY 4HE PROBLEM IS THAT IT DOEWORK /N TOP OF THE TIME WASTED ON NONESSENTIAL TASKAND YOU WILL ALREADY HAVE DISCOVERED THAT ANY BITWILL DO IF YOUR MAIN PURPOSE IS JUST TO STAY BUSY WH

ARE TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM DOESN T GO AWAY )T IS STILLNAGGING AWAY AT THE BACK OF THE MIND DISTRACTING TFROM THE VERY TASKS THEY ARE USING TO DISTRACT THEM7HEN YOU FACE UP TO THINGS HOWEVER YOU WILL lND THTHEY WILL ALWAYS BE EASIER TO DEAL WITH THAN YOU FE

)T HELPS TO CLEAR YOUR MINDCOMPLETELY BEFORE YOU MAKEA START ON SOMETHING NEW

4HIS IS AN EASY MIND CLEARINGEXERCISE THAT CAN BE PRACTICEDWHEREVER YOU HAPPEN TO BE

#LOSE YOUR EYES AND FOCUS ONYOUR BREATHING 9OU WILL lNDTHAT IN A SHORT TIME IT SHIFTSINTO A MORE RELAXED PATTERN

)F YOU HEAR ANY hMENTALCHATTER v LET IT HAPPEN ,EFT TOITSELF IT WILL CALM DOWN

!S YOU STAY FOCUSED ON YOURBREATHING YOU WILL lND YOUNOTICE CERTAIN SENSATIONS MO

THAN USUAL .OTICE HOW THE AYOU BREATHE IN IS COOLER THATHE AIR YOU BREATHE OUT%ACH TIME YOU BREATHE IN LEYOUR ATTENTION FOLLOW EACHBREATH DEEPER DOWN INSIDE7HEN YOU ARE READY TO COMEBACK OPEN YOUR EYES 4AKE AMOMENT OR TWO TO NOTICE HOREFRESHED YOU FEEL

TO PRACTICE4%#(.)15%3

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5


24/121

7HERE IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX %VERYONE NEESOMEWHERE THEY CAN GO TO RECHARGE THEIR BATTERIERECOVER FROM THE ENERGY DRAINS OF MODERN LIFE

4HIS EXERCISE IS DESIGNED TO HELP YOU RECHARGE YOUR ENERG

WHEN YOU RE FAR AWAY FROM A RELAXING ENVIRONMENT&IND A COMFORTABLE PLACE WHERE YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EY2ELAX USING THE BREATHING TECHNIQUE ON THE OPPOSITE PA)N YOUR MINDS EYE lND YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX )T CA ROOM IN YOUR HOUSE SOMEWHERE THAT YOU VE BEEN ONVACATION A MEMORY FROM LONG AGO OR EVEN AN IMAGINA

PLACE 4HIS IS SOMEWHERE JUST FOR YOU WHERE YOU CAN RE.OTICE WHAT YOU CAN SEE AND BE AWARE OF THE COLORS,ISTEN TO THE PEACEFUL RELAXING SOUNDS.OTICE HOW PEACEFUL IT FEELS AS YOU BEGIN TO ABSORB THEAND TRANQUILLITY WITHIN YOURSELF3TAY FOR AS LONG AS FEELS RIGHT THEN RETURN REFRESHED

"UILD AN )NNER 3ANCTUARY

&IND 4RANQUILLITY7HEN YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR IDEAL INTERNAL REFUGE YTHE TIME TO PERFECT IT UNTIL IT MEETS ALL YOUR CRITERIA FOR RECHA


25/121

4HE 0OWER OF 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS4HE OLD FASHIONED &REUDIAN IDEA OF THE UNCONSCIOUS

SOMETIMES CALLED THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND WAS OF A KINOF DUNGEON WHERE WE LOCK UP ALL THE REPRESSED DESIREAGGRESSION LUST SELlSHNESS THAT WE CAN T ADMIT TO

2ECOGNIZE 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS)N FACT YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND IS JUST THOSE PARTS OF

THOUGHT PROCESSES THAT HAPPEN BELOW THE RADAR OFCONSCIOUS AWARENESS 7HEN YOU ARE TALKING TO SOMEOWHO CHOOSES THE WORDS AND THEORDER IN WHICH THEY COME OUT7HEN YOU PICK UP YOUR PHONEFROM THE TABLE WHO IS COORDINATING

THE DOZENS OF MUSCLES INVOLVED INTHAT MOVEMENT 7HAT KEEPS YOUBREATHING WHEN YOU ARE ASLEEP.OT YOUR CONSCIOUS MIND9OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND IS ABLETO MULTITASK IN A WAY THAT IS FAR

BEYOND YOUR CONSCIOUS ABILITIES)T KEEPS THE BILLIONS OF CELLS AND THOUSANDS OF SYSTYOUR BODY WORKING IN MORE OR LESS PERFECT HARMONRUNS YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM YOBREATHING YOUR CIRCULATION AND IT PERFORMS PRODIGFEATS OF REAL TIME PROCESSING THAT THE MOST ADVANCE

COMPUTERS ARE NOWHERE NEAR MATCHING

,EARN TO 5SE 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS9OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND IS LIKE A FAITHFUL SERVANT CAOUT YOUR WISHES WITHOUT THE NEED FOR CONSCIOUS EFFYOUR PART )T WANTS YOU TO SUCCEED AND IT TRIES TO AC

BEST INTERESTS )T LIKES TO BE GIVEN TASKS TO CARRY OUDON T GIVE IT ANY INSTRUCTIONS IT WILL TAKE THEM FROINmUENCES USUALLY DRAWING FROM ADVERTISING THE MOR PEER PRESSURE 2IGHT NOW YOU CAN CHOOSE TO ENLISHELP OF YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND BY BEING CLEAR ABOUYOU WANT AND GIVING IT UNAMBIGUOUS INSTRUCTIONS TO

9OURUNCONSCIOUS

MIND ISWORKING INYOUR FAVOR

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5


26/121

-ANAGE 9OUR -IND9OUR CONSCIOUS MIND THE hYOUv THAT MAKES DECISIONSYOUR hWILLv IS LIKE THE CAPTAIN OF A SHIP 4HE UNCONSC

MIND PLAYS THE PART OF THE CREW 4HE CREW MEMBERS AKNOW WHAT THEIR JOBS ARE AND THEY CAN CARRY THEMWITHOUT HAVING TO BE TOLD 3O WHAT IS THE JOB OF THECAPTAIN 4O DECIDE WHERE THE SHIP IS GOING -ANY PEOPLTHOUGH DON T USE THEIR CONSCIOUS MIND FOR ITS INTENPURPOSE /N THEIR hSHIP v THE CAPTAIN IS FOREVER WORRY

ABOUT WHETHER THE CREW ARE DOING THEIR JOBS WHILENEGLECTING TO SET A COURSE FOR THE SHIP &OR LONG STTHEY ARE BECALMED OR GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES )NSTCAN SELECT CONSCIOUSLY THE COURSE YOU INTEND AND LUNCONSCIOUS MIND GET ON WITH THE JOB

4(% 0/7%2 /& 9/52 5.# / .3#) /53

4AP YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND S CREATIVITY BYASKING IT TO SOLVE A PROBLEM AS YOU GO TO SLEEP 9OUOFTEN lND THAT YOU HAVE THE ANSWER WHEN YOU WAKE

4)0

THINK3-!249OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THEhNOT v SO IT S IMPORTANT THAT YOU LEARN TO TALK TOUNCONSCIOUS IN A WAY THAT IT WILL UNDERSTAND

'ET MORE EFFECTIVE RESULTS BOTH FROM YOUR UNCONFROM OTHER PEOPLE BY TELLING THEM WHAT YOU DODO RATHER THAN WHAT YOU DON T )F A PARENT TELLSh$ON T TOUCH THAT CANDY v THE TODDLER S UNCONSCHEARS hTOUCH THAT CANDY v 3IMILARLY SUPPOSE THAGIVE UP SMOKING IF YOU CONSTANTLY TELL YOURSELF

GOING TO SMOKE v YOU WILL BE CONTINUALLY REMINDCIGARETTES AND PROBABLY RESTIMULATING YOUR CRIS A LOGICAL CONCEPT BUT YOU CAN T FORM AN IMAGEYOUR UNCONSCIOUS ON POSITIVE BENElTS


27/121

7ORK WITH 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS

-ANY PEOPLE TRY TO MAKE CHANGES THROUGH WILLPOWE

ALONE WITHOUT lRST GETTING THE AGREEMENT OF THEUNCONSCIOUS MIND OR EVEN CONSIDERING WHAT IT MIGHTRYING TO TELL THEM 4HIS BEHAVIOR WILL MAKE CHANGEA CHORE AND IT WILL USUALLY FAIL AS SOON AS THE PERSCONSCIOUS ATTENTION IS ELSEWHERE THE UNCONSCIOUS MWILL GO STRAIGHT BACK TO ITS OLD HABITS 3OME SELF HE

TREAT THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND AS A LAZY SERVANT TO BEPUNISHED IF IT GETS OUT OF LINE "UT WHAT IF THOSE SUPPDOUBTS TURN OUT TO BE GENUINE CONCERNS THAT WERECONSCIOUSLY OVERLOOKED &AR BETTER TO DISCOVER WHREALLY WANT AT BOTH THE CONSCIOUS AND THE UNCONSCLEVELS OF YOUR MIND SO YOU CAN GET BEHIND YOUR GOA

EVERY POSSIBLE WAY AND PURSUE THEM SINGLEMINDEDLYIS WHAT THE PROCESSES IN THIS BOOK ARE DESIGNED TO DO

2ECOGNIZE 9OUR &EELINGS9OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND USES YOURFEELINGS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YO

)F YOU HAVE EVER MADE A BIGDECISION DESPITE HAVING SOMEUNFOCUSED MISGIVINGS BECAUSERATIONALLY YOU COULDN T lND AREASON NOT TO GO AHEAD YOU MAYHAVE WISHED LATER THAT YOU HAD

PAID MORE ATTENTION TO THAT SMALDOUBT HOWEVER QUIETLY IT WASEXPRESSING ITSELF )F YOU DON T FEEENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT A COURSE OFACTION BUT DON T KNOW WHY IT MABE A SIGN THAT YOUR CONSCIOUS MIN

HAS MISSED SOMETHING

5SE 3ENSE AND )NSTINCT! DECISION MADE BASED ON YOURGUT FEELING ONLY THOUGH COULDTURN OUT AS BADLY AS ONE THAT

MINUTE&)8

)F YOU NEED TO MAKEA QUICK DECISION BESURE YOU ARE HAPPYWITH THE ANSWERS TOTHESE QUESTIONSBEFORE YOU ACT

L

$O ) REALLY WANT TOMAKE THIS CHANGEL )F ) MAKE THIS CHANGE

WHAT WILL ) MISSL 7HAT IS THE PURPOSE

OF THE BEHAVIOR ) AM

TRYING TO CHANGEL 7HAT WOULD BE

DIFFERENT IF ) MADE THISCHANGE

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5


28/121

#OMMON )NSTANCES OF 3ELF SABOTAGE

3%,& 3!"/4!'). ' "%(!6)/24RYING TO STOP SMOKING WHEN PART OF YOUDOESN T WANT TO4RYING TO LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT ADDRESSINGTHE UNDERLYING ISSUES4RYING TO BE A SUCCESS IN A CAREER YOUDON T REALLY LIKE7EARING A BUSINESS SUIT BUT WITHSLOPPY GROOMING AND ACCESSORIES

2%35,432ELAPSING EARLY FAILING INYOUR ATTEMPT2EPEATING UNSUCCESSFULYO YO DIETING0ERFORMING POORLY UNDERACHIEVING AT WORK0EOPLE DON T TAKE YOUSERIOUSLY

IGNORES YOUR INSTINCTS 4HE IDEAL DECISIONS ARE THOS

WHICH YOU ARE CONSCIOUS OF AN EVEN BALANCE BETWEEEMOTION AND REASON A GOOD DECISION WILL USUALLY FINSTINCTIVELY RIGHT AND ALSO MAKE RATIONAL SENSE 7HMAJOR DECISION NEEDS TO BE MADE ASK YOURSELF IF YOUPROPOSED ACTION MEETS BOTHOF THESE CRITERIA )F IT DOES

THEN YOU SHOULD ACT ON ITWITH CONlDENCE

)NNER #ONlDENCE 4HE ULTIMATECONlDENCE DERIVES FROM THE CERTA

THAT A DECISION IS RIGHT FOR YOU ONRATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL LEVELS


29/121


30/121

#ONSIDER THE %VIDENCE

4HE hLIFE S A BITCHv BELIEVER WILL ACT IN A WAY THAT MA

SENSE TO THEM IN THE LIGHT OF THAT BELIEF WHICH WILLDIFFERENT FROM HOW SOMEONE HOLDING THE SECOND BEACTS 4HE RESULTS THEY GET POSITIVEOR NEGATIVE WILL TEND TO BEAR OUTTHEIR BELIEF 4HE LONGER AND MOREDEEPLY HELD THE BELIEF IS THE MORE

hEVIDENCEv IT WILL ACCUMULATE INSUPPORT OF IT 4HERE ARE MANY WELLKNOWN EXAMPLES OF RESEARCHSTUDIES SUPPORTING THE IDEA THATWHAT YOU BELIEVE INmUENCES THEREAL OUTCOME OF EVENTS IN YOUR LIFE

4HREE EFFECTS THAT ARE OFTEN CITED AREs 4HE h0LACEBO %FFECT v IN WHICH SOME PATIENTS IN THEhCONTROL GROUPv IN CLINICAL DRUG TRIALS GET BETTECONVINCED THAT THEY ARE RECEIVING MEDICINE EVENTHOUGH THE hTREATMENTv THAT THEY THINK THEY ARERECEIVING IS JUST A SUGAR PILL

s 4HE h(ALO %FFECT v DISCOVERED BY %DWARD 4HORNDIKTHIS ESTABLISHED THAT IF YOU STRONGLY FAVOR ONEPARTICULAR AND SPECIlC CHARACTERISTIC THAT YOU lNPERSON YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO RATE THE SAME PERSHIGHER FOR A VARIETY OF OTHER POSITIVE TRAITS WHENOT YOU HAVE EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOUR RATING

s 4HE h0YGMALION %FFECT v DESCRIBED BY 2OBERT 2OSENIN WHICH SHOWED THAT HOW EFFECTIVELY ANDSUCCESSFULLY CHILDREN PERFORM ACADEMICALLY IS SINmUENCED BY THEIR TEACHERS BELIEFS IN THEIR SKILL

3INCE WHAT YOU BELIEVE TENDS TO BECOME TRUE FOR YOIMPORTANT TO THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT WHAT YOU BELIE

MAKE SURE THAT IT SUPPORTS YOUR SUCCESS

4(% 0/7%2 /& 9/52 5.# / .3#) /53

9OUR BELIEFSARE THE SCRIPTFOR YOUR LIFE

-AKE A POSITIVE EFFORT TO LOOK FOR EVIDENCETHAT DISPROVES AND DISEMPOWERS ANY BELIEFS THAT ARWORKING TO LIMIT YOU

4)0


31/121

h4/7!2$v -/4)6!4)/.

(AS BUILT IN DIRECTION YOU KNOWWHERE YOU ARE GOING AND CAN MAKECORRECTIONS IF NECESSARY7ORKS IN A SUSTAINED WAY YOU WILLlND THAT IT EXERTS AN EVEN STRONGERPULL AS YOU COME CLOSER TO YOUR GOALAND WILL HELP TO INSPIRE YOU

)NSPIRES YOU EVEN IF YOUR CURRENTSITUATION IS UNPLEASANT YOUR MENTALIMAGE IS OF WHERE YOU WANT TO BE

&OCUS ON 7HAT 9OU 7ANT(UMAN BEINGS ARE BORN WITH THE ABILITY TO SEE PATTERNS

IN THINGS 7HERE THERE ARE NO INNATE PATTERNS WE TENDTO PROJECT THEM LIKE SEEING PICTURES IN A CAMPlRE ORFACES AND ANIMALS IN CLOUDS

,EARN TO ,OOK#ONSEQUENTLY IT IS MUCH EASIER TO NOTICE SOMETHING

ARE ALREADY EXPECTING TO SEE IT 4HE IMPLICATION OF TCHANGING YOUR LIFE IS THAT YOU GET WHAT YOU FOCUS OFOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT YOU WILL lND IT IF ALL YOU FOIS GETTING AWAY FROM WHAT YOU DON T WANT THAT IS WYOU WILL lND YOURSELF RETURNING TO AGAIN AND AGAIN

#HOOSE THE 2IGHT -OTIVATION4HERE ARE TWO KINDS OF MOTIVATION TOWARD WHAT YOUWANT AND AWAY FROM WHAT YOU DON T WANT 7HILE hAWFROMv MOTIVATION CAN BE USEFUL IN ADMINISTERING THETHAT YOU NEEDED TO GET STARTED IT WILL GIVE YOU INCORESULTS 4O HELP YOU KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU REACH YOU

YOU NEED TO ENSURE THAT YOUR MOTIVATION IS MAINLY FON hTOWARD v

)DENTIFY 9OUR -OTIVATION

h!7!9 &2/-v -/4)6!4)/.

,ACKS DIRECTION WHEN YOU WANT TGET AWAY FROM SOMETHING ANYDIRECTION WILL DO7ORKS ONLY FOR A SHORT TIME IT GIOUT AS SOON AS YOU GET FAR ENOUGAWAY FROM WHAT YOU ARE AVOIDINLEAVING YOU BECALMED UNTIL THE

THREAT COMES ALONG0ROVES TO BE STRESSFUL THE MENTIMAGE THAT MOTIVATES YOU IS OF WYOU WANT TO GET AWAY FROM

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5


32/121

'ET 2ESULTS%VERY 4IME

/NE OF THE CHIEF ARGUMENTSAGAINST hAWAY FROMvMOTIVATION IS THAT IT LEADSTO INCONSISTENT RESULTS )FSOMEONE IS MOTIVATED TOMAKE MONEY PRIMARILY

BECAUSE SHE GREW UP INPOVERTY AND NEVER WANTSTO GO BACK THERE HERMOTIVATION WILL BEGIN TODISAPPEAR AS SHE STARTSGETTING RICH AND RETURN

ONCE SHE HAS LOST HERMONEY "EHAVIORAL EXPERTSHAVE SURMISED THAT THIS ISTHE REASON THAT SOMEMILLIONAIRES MAKE AND LOSETHEIR FORTUNES SEVERAL TIMES

OVER THEY ARE WORKING TOhAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION

,IMIT THE $RAMAIN 9OUR ,IFE7E ALL FACE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF CHALLENGE AND DIFlC

SOME FAR MORE THAN OTHERS (OWEVER SOME PEOPLE SEETO ATTRACT DIFlCULTIES EVEN IN QUITE STRAIGHTFORWARSITUATIONS WHERE NONE PREVIOUSLY EXISTED 4HIS MAY RAN UNCONSCIOUS NEED TO BE THE HERO OR HEROINE IN THOWN LIFE STORY 7HEN THINGS ARE GOING WELL THEY WILUNCONSCIOUSLY lND A WAY OF DISRUPTING THEM SO THAT

CAN CONTINUE IN THEIR HEROIC STRUGGLE

&/#53 / . 7( !4 9/5 7! .4

!SK YOURSELF IF YOU WOULD BE HAPPY TO GETWHAT YOU WANT EASILY 9OU MAY BE CREATING MOREDRAMA THAN YOU NEED TO BE SUCCESSFUL

4)0

h!WAY FROMv MOTIVATION

2ESULT LEVEL

h4OWARDv MOTIVATION

2ESULT LEVEL

-OTIVATION

0ICK 9OUR -OTIVATION 2EACH YOUR

GOAL WITH hTOWARDv MOTIVATION h!WFROMv MOTIVATION ONLY HELPS YOUESCAPE FROM WHAT YOU DON T WANT


33/121

,OOK AT 9OUR ,IFE !PPRECIATIVELY3OCIAL PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT POSITIVEEMOTIONS GIVE US BENElTS BEYOND JUST FEELING GOOD7HEN YOU FEEL GOOD IT S EASIER TO SEE THE BIG PICTURERATHER THAN GETTING LOST IN DETAIL

&OSTER #REATIVITY7HEN YOU EXPERIENCE POSITIVEEMOTIONS YOU ARE MORE CREATIVE

THAN WHEN YOU ARE FEELINGhNEUTRAL v 0OSITIVE EMOTIONS HELPYOU TO MAKE SENSE OF COMPLEXINFORMATION QUICKLY AND MAKE YOULESS LIKELY TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS! POSITIVE MINDSET HAS PHYSICAL

BENElTS TOO IT HELPS HEART RATEAND BLOOD PRESSURE TO RETURN TO NORMAL MORE QUICKSTRESSFUL EVENTS

#ULTIVATE AN !PPRECIATIVE -INDSET"ECAUSE POSITIVE EMOTIONS HAVE THESE BENElTS IT IS US

TO BUILD ON WHAT IS POSITIVE IN YOUR LIFE AS A BASIS FOMAKING THE CHANGES YOU WANT (OWEVER IT IS NOT ALWEASY TO TRY TO STIMULATE POSITIVE EMOTIONS THROUGHOR THROUGH TELLING OURSELVES TO LOOK ON THE BRIGHT2ESEARCHERS IN THE RAPIDLY GROWING lELD OF hPOSITIVEPSYCHOLOGYv TELL US THAT THE EASIEST POSITIVE EMOTIO

EVOKE EVEN UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES ARE THOSGRATITUDE AND COMPASSION 9OU CAN USE THIS TOs !PPRECIATE EVEN SIMPLE THINGS WITH GRATITUDEs 7HEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN ASK YOURSELF h7HAT DO )

NEED TO LEARN FROM THIS vs &IND POSITIVE MEANING THROUGH HELPING ACT

COMPASSIONATELY TOWARD OTHERS

%VERYEXPERIENCEPOSITIVE ORNEGATIVE

CAN BE USEDTO LEARN

iw

)T IS OF PRACTICAL VALUE TO LEARN TO LIKE YOURSELF.ORMAN 0EALE

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5


34/121

9OUR EMOTIONAL RESPONSE TO A MENTAL IMAGE IS DETERAT LEAST AS MUCH BY THE WAY IN WHICH YOU THINK ABOUBY WHAT IT IS THAT YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT

4HE VISUAL QUALITIES OF AN IMAGE TELL THE BRAIN HOW MUCH

TO PAY 9OUR RESPONSE IS STRONGER WHEN AN IMAGE IS VIVID ANWHEN YOU ARE INVOLVED IN IT 4RY THIS EXPERIMENT

4HINK OF A HAPPY MEMORY !S YOU SEE IT IN YOUR MIND S EYENOTICE HOW INTENSE YOUR POSITIVE EMOTIONAL RESPONSE IS)S THE PICTURE LIFE SIZE OR SMALLER "RING IT UP TO LIFE SIZ

)S IT IN COLOR OR BLACK AND WHITE -AKE IT COLORFUL4RY MAKING IT A LITTLE BRIGHTER 4HEN PUT SOME MOVEMEN3TEP INTO THE PICTURE AND SEE IT THROUGH YOUR OWN EYES

.OTICE WHAT HAPPENS TO THE INTENSITY OF HOW THE MEMORY MYOU FEEL AFTER EACH OF THE STEPS ABOVE

-AKE THE -OST OF 'OOD -EMORIES

5SE 0AST AND &UTURE 0OSITIVE IMAGES lLLED WITH TEXTURE AND MOVEMEEFFECTIVE MOTIVATIONAL AIDS WHETHER THEY DERIVE FROM MEMORIE


35/121

&IND 7HAT )S !LREADY 7ORKING4HERE IS AN INCREASINGLY POPULAR APPROACH TO ORGANAND PERSONAL CHANGE CALLED !PPRECIATIVE )NQUIRY WHOLDS THAT THE BEST WAY TO IMPROVE THINGS IS TO DISCOWHAT IS ALREADY WORKING AND THEN DO MORE OF IT 7E TTO GET MORE OF WHAT WE FOCUS ON 0AYING ATTENTION TIS ALREADY WORKING WELL IN YOUR LIFE IS LIKELY TO RAIMORALE AND YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND INCREASE THE ENERAVAILABLE FOR CHANGING THE AREAS OF YOUR LIFE THATWORKING SO WELL

+NOW 9OUR 3TRENGTHS4O MAKE IT EASIER TO ESTABLISH THE POSITIVES IN YOUR MTHESE LINES OF INQUIRY

s 7HAT DO PEOPLE TELL YOU ARE YOUR STRENGTHSs 7HAT DO THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU REGARD AS

4HIS EXERCISE IS DESIGNED TO HELP YOU FOCUS ON THE ASPECTSLIFE THAT YOU WANT TO KEEP %VEN IF YOU HAVE BEEN TELLING YTHAT YOUR LIFE IS TERRIBLE THERE ARE ALWAYS SOME POSITIVE

2ATE HOW POSITIVE YOU FEEL AT RIGHT NOW ON A SCALE OF T7HAT IS WORKING IN YOUR LIFE 7RITE IT DOWN IT DOESN T MAT

HOW TRIVIAL EACH ELEMENT SEEMS 'O INTO AS MUCH DETAILCAN .OTICE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT EACH SMALL ELEMENT7HAT ARE YOU PROUD OF !GAIN DESCRIBE EACH EVENT AND NWHAT IT MEANS TO YOU AND HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT7HAT ARE YOU GOOD AT2EVISIT HOW YOU FEEL AND RATE IT ON THE TO SCALE AGAI

INCREASE THE POSITIVE EFFECT YOU CAN RETRACE THE STEPSADDING MORE DETAIL SO THAT YOU REALLY INVOLVE YOURSEEACH POSITIVE IMAGE

!CCENTUATE THE 0OSITIVE

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5


36/121

GOOD QUALITIES AND ABILITIES 4AKE A LOOK AT YOURSTHROUGH THEIR EYES OR BETTER STILL ASK THEM YOU

PLEASANTLY SURPRISEDs )MAGINE THAT A GOOD FRIEND WASTALKING ABOUT YOU TO SOMEONEWHO HAS NOT MET YOU (OWWOULD THAT FRIEND DESCRIBE YOURGOOD POINTS

.OTICE HOW YOU FEEL AFTER FOCUSINGON THE POSITIVE ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE7HAT HAS CHANGED

,EARN TO 6ALUE !CCEPTANCE5NTIL YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO CHANGE THE PARTS OF YO

THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE THE BEST ATTITUDE TO HAVE IS ONACCEPTANCE 4HERE IS NO POINT WASTING YOUR ENERGY FABOUT THINGS YOU ARE NOT IN A POSITION TO CHANGE /NETHE BEST KNOWN EXPRESSIONS OF THE ATTITUDE OF ACCEPIS THE h3ERENITY 0RAYER v USUALLY ATTRIBUTED TO THETHEOLOGIAN 2EINHOLD .IEBUHR )T SHOWS A WISDOM THAT

RESONATES BEYOND ANY PARTICULAR RELIGIOUS TRADITIO'OD GRANT ME THE SERENITYTO ACCEPT THE THINGS ) CANNOT CHANGECOURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS ) CANAND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

$O -ORE OF 7HAT 7ORKS)N CONTRAST TO PROBLEM FOCUSED APPROACHES TO CHAN!PPRECIATIVE )NQUIRY APPROACH SAYS THAT YOU WILL GETSUSTAINABLE CHANGES IF YOU CONCENTRATE ON DOING MWHAT IS WORKING IN YOUR LIFE )T IS EASIER TO ENVISAGEFUTURE YOU WANT WHEN IT IS BASED ON YOUR OWN EXPER

RATHER THAN TRYING TO DREAM IT UP IN ITS ENTIRETY

, / /+ !4 9/52 , )&% !002%#)!4)6%,9

-AKE SURE YOUR VISION OF THE FUTURE KEEPS THEGOOD ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE NOW THIS WILL REDUCE YOURESISTANCE TO CHANGE

4)0

"UILDING ONWHAT ISALREADY

STRONG MAKESIT STRONGER


37/121


38/121


39/121

$EVELOP 9OUR 3ELF !WARENESS4HE MORE CONSCIOUS YOU ARE OF THE WAYS IN WHICH YOU

THINK AND BEHAVE THE EASIER YOU WILL lND IT TO IDENTIFYELEMENTS THAT CALL FOR CHANGE $EVELOPING YOUR SELFAWARENESS IS A POWERFUL AID TO ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS

,ISTEN TO 7HAT 9OU 3AYh)T S A JUNGLE OUT THEREv h) VE PUT THAT BEHIND ME v 4H

ARE METAPHORS A COMMON WAY TO EXPRESS THINGS 7HESOMEONE SAYS h) M IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP v THEY ARE TAAS IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS SOME KIND OF CONTAINER )F THSPEAKING LITERALLY THEY WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE hRELATING BADLY TO THIS OTHER PERSON v 4HE IMPLICATIOTHE METAPHOR THAT THE RELATIONSHIP HAS SOME KIND O

EXISTENCE OF ITS OWN OUTSIDE OF THE SPEAKER ARE DIFFFROM THOSE OF THE SECONDSTATEMENT )N THE lRST CASEIT S AS IF THERE S NOTHING THEPERSON CAN DO ABOUT THERELATIONSHIP IN THE SECOND

CASE THE SPEAKER CAN DECIDTO MAKE CHANGES IN THE WAYTHEY ARE RELATING

%XPRESS 9OURSELF/UR EMOTIONAL STATE FROM

MOMENT TO MOMENT IS ARESPONSE NOT JUST TO EXTERNEVENTS BUT TO OUR INTERNALWORLD THE MEMORIES THATmEETINGLY COME TO MIND ANDOUR IMAGES OF WHAT MIGHT

HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE 4HEMETAPHORS YOU USE WILLSUBTLY AFFECT HOW YOU FEELAND ANY METAPHORS THAT YOUSE HABITUALLY WILL SHAPEBOTH THE WAY YOU THINK AND

MINUTE&)8

4O MAKE SENSE OF AN

UNFAMILIAR SITUATION FASTlND A POSITIVE METAPHOR FORIT BEFORE YOU ACT

4HIS GIVES YOU THE RIGHT MENTALATTITUDE TO lND A WAY THROUGHTO A SOLUTION

L 4HINK OF WIDE OPEN METAPHORSA DOOR OPENING A BROADSWEEP OF LANDSCAPE RATHERTHAN SMALL ENCLOSED ONES

L 7HEN YOU CAN THINK WHATSOMETHING UNFAMILIAR IS LIKE

YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH ITL 4HEN COME BACK TO THE

SITUATION AND CALMLY THINK ITTHROUGH

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5


40/121

YOUR MOOD 7HAT IMAGES DO YOUR HABITUAL METAPHOR

EVOKE $O YOU WORK WITH SOMEONE WHO IS hA PAINv )SYOUR FAMILY LIFE hA NIGHTMAREv /R IS EVERYTHING hRUNSMOOTHLYv )F YOU USE UNPLEASANT IMAGES YOU ARE EVMATCHING EMOTIONS IN YOUR LISTENERS INCLUDING YOUR

2ECOGNIZE 9OUR h3ELFv

/NE OF THE MOST COMMON YET LEAST RECOGNIZED METAPIS THE hSELF v 7E TALK ABOUT THE SELF AS IF IT IS A LAZY Sh) M lNDING IT HARD TO MOTIVATE MYSELFv OR AN UNRULYh) HAVE NO SELF DISCIPLINEv 4HIS DISTANCES YOU FROM TFACT THAT THERE IS JUST THE ONE PERSON THERE YOU2EMEMBER THAT WHATEVER YOU DO OR DON T DO IS YOUR

CHOICE AND YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

$%6%, /0 9 /52 3%,& !7!2%.%33

THINK

3-!24IF YOU FEEL YOUR LIFE IS IN A RUT AND YOU CANNOT lNWAY TO PROGRESS USE METAPHOR TO HELP YOU THINKCREATIVELY &IND A METAPHOR FOR WHERE YOU ARE RNOW AND DEVELOP IT TO SEE HOW YOU MIGHT MOVE O

! JOURNEY IS A UNIVERSAL METAPHOR FOR LIFE THAT A

RELATE TO GOALS ARE DESTINATIONS CHALLENGES ARALONG THE WAY AND SO ON 9OU COULD ASK YOURSELFWERE LIKE A JOURNEY WHAT KIND OF JOURNEY WOULDCAN WRITE YOUR ANSWER OR DISCUSS IT WITH SOMEONANSWERS CAN BE VERY REVEALING ! LIFE THAT IS LIKETHAT DOES NOT STOP AT THE RIGHT STATION FOR EXAMREVEAL THAT YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION ANDCONTROL OF YOUR DIRECTION

)F YOU lND YOURSELF USING NEGATIVE METAPHORSASK YOURSELF h7HAT ELSE IS THIS SITUATION LIKE (OWELSE COULD ) DESCRIBE IT v

4)0


41/121

#HART THE (IGHS AND ,OWS OF 9OUR ,IFE!NOTHER WAY OF VIEWING YOUR LIFE IS TO LIST HIGH AND L

POINTS A BRIEF EXAMPLE IS SHOWN ABOVE 7HEN YOU HAVCOMPLETED YOUR LIST LOOK BACK OVER IT .OTICE HOW ESIGNIlCANT EXPERIENCE IN YOUR LIFE HAS HELPED TO MAKTHE PERSON YOU ARE TODAY &IRST TAKE CREDIT FOR MAKHIGH POINTS HAPPEN !SK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONSs (OW DID ) CONTRIBUTE TO THAT BEING A HIGH POINT

s 7HAT WAS ) DOING RIGHT

,EARN FROM THE ,OW 0OINTS2EMEMBER THAT THERE IS SOMETHING POSITIVE TO LEARNTHE WORST EXPERIENCES EVEN IF IT IS ONLY HOW TO PREVSIMILAR EXPERIENCE FROM HAPPENING AGAIN &ACING AD

DEVELOPS YOUR CHARACTER IF YOU CHOOSE TO LEARN FR!SK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONSs 7HAT POSITIVE THINGS HAVE ) LEARNED FROM THAT

EXPERIENCEs )N WHAT WAYS HAS THIS MADE ME A STRONGER WISER M

COMPASSIONATE PERSON

)MAGINE THAT YOUR LIFE IS BEING MADE INTO A MOVIE 7HEPISODES WOULD THE DIRECTOR EMPHASIZE TO MAKE ANINSPIRING STORY 7HICH EPISODES WOULD BE SELECTED IF IA FEEL GOOD COMEDY

.%'!4)6% )-0!#4

s &AILING MY DRIVING TESTs 3PENDING TWO YEARS IN A JOB

) DISLIKEDs "EING PASSED OVER FOR THE

POSITION IN .EW 9ORKs -Y DIVORCEs -Y POOR RECORD IN SALES

()'( )-0!#4

s 7INNING A DIPLOMAs %ARNING A DEGREE IN A SUBJECT )

LOVED BUT FOUND CHALLENGINGs &INALLY GETTING THE RIGHT

MARKETING JOBs 4HE BIRTHS OF MY CHILDRENs -Y PROMOTION LAST YEAR

#HART 9OUR 0ERSONAL (IGHS AND ,OWS

)4 3 50 4/ 9 /5


42/121

$%6%, /0 9 /52 3%,& !7!2%.%33

!S WELL AS REVIEWING YOUR LIFE WITH THE BENElT OF HINYOU CAN LEARN FROM AS IT UNFOLDS BY REmECTING ON IT7RITING YOUR THOUGHTS DOWN HELPS YOU DETACH YOURTHEM AS WELL AS TEACHING YOU MORE ABOUT YOURSELF

2E READING PAST ENTRIES EVEN COMPARATIVELY RECENT ONES W JUST A MONTH OR TWO AGO WILL SHOW YOU HOW MUCH YOUR EMSTATE INmUENCES HOW YOU THINK AND WHAT YOU WRITE

4EN MINUTES OF WRITING A DAY IS ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU USEFRESULTS IT BECOMES EFFORTLESS ONCE YOU GET INTO THE HA7RITE WHATEVER YOU THINK WITHOUT ANALYZING IT OR PRE

WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY&IND THE TIME OF DAY THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU &IRST THIMORNING BEFORE YOUR MIND GETS INVOLVED IN THE DAY SDISTRACTIONS WHEN YOU COME HOME FROM WORK TO DRAWBETWEEN WORK AND LEISURE AND LAST THING AT NIGHT AREPOPULAR CHOICES ACCORDING TO TASTE

+EEP A *OURNAL

4 UE SDA Y ! P R IL

! W ONDER F ULSUNR ISET HISMOR NINGMADEIT F EEL

PAR T ICULAR L Y INSPIR INGT OB EUP SOEAR L Y ANDHAV E

T IMET OF OCUS ONT HEDA Y AHEAD

4 HEOF l CEW AS T ENSEW IT HT HER EOR GANIZ AT IONINF ULL

SW ING B UT T HENEW MANAGER SEEMS R EASONAB LEAN

D

IS T UR NINGOUT T OB EGOODAT COMPR OMISEINT R ICK Y

SIT UAT IONS

0 LANNINGF OR T HET R IP T OT HE. EW 9 OR K OF l CEIS GOIN

G

SMOOT HL Y AND) V EB EENGIV EN

T HE JOB OF OV ER SEEING

T HESCHEDULEF OR T HEDELEGAT ES ) MT R Y INGNOT T OGET

T OONER V OUS AB OUT IT SINCE) K NOW T HAT ) DON T

PER F OR MAT M Y B EST W HEN) MT ENSE


43/121

4O HARNESS THE POSITIVE POWER OF hTOWARDMOTIVATION YOU NEED TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WYOU WANT 7HEN YOU ARE BUSY DEALING WITTHE EVER INCREASING DEMANDS OF EVERYDAIT IS EASY TO GET DISTRACTED FROM GIVING YOWN NEEDS AND WISHES THE ATTENTION THEY

DESERVE 4HIS SECTION IS ABOUT FOCUSING OWHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU )T SHOWs (OW TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN hURGENTv AN

hIMPORTANTv

s (OW TO CLARIFY YOUR VALUESs (OW TO CHECK FOR AND RESOLVE INNER CON

AND POTENTIAL SELF SABOTAGE

$ECIDE7HAT S

)MPORTANT


44/121


45/121

,OOK !HEAD$O YOU LIVE FOR THE MOMENT OR IS YOUR LIFE PLANNED OUT

IN DETAIL FROM NOW UNTIL BEYOND RETIREMENT 0ROBABLYYOU FALL SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE TWO 9OU NEED TO LOOAT HOW TO MAKE A VISION OF THE FUTURE WORK FOR YOU

7HERE )S 9OUR 4IME (ORIZON)F YOU OWN A BUSINESS THE DISCIPLINE OF HAVING TO CRE

A BUSINESS PLAN MAY ALREADY HAVE FORCED YOU TO MABEYOND YOUR NATURAL TIME HORIZON )N OUR PERSONALMOST OF US COULD BENElT FROM GIVING SOME SUSTAINEDATTENTION TO THE LONGER TERM ,OOKING FARTHER AHEAYOU TO SIDESTEP SOME OF THE NASTY SURPRISES THAT LIFETHROW AT YOU AND MEANS THAT YOU SPEND LESS TIME IN

hlRElGHTINGv MODE TRYING TO DEAL WITH UNEXPECTED EV

7ORK TOWARD 9OUR 'OALS)F IT IS NOT EASY TO THINK OF YOUR GOALS FOR SIX YEARSTHIS IS VALUABLE INFORMATION IN ITSELF 4REAT IT AS A SIIT IS WORTH SPENDING SOME TIME DECIDING WHAT YOU WA

IN THE FUTURE 2EMEMBER THAT THIS IS JUST A STARTING P9OU CAN ADD TO YOUR GOALS AS MORE IDEAS COME TO YOMAY lND THAT YOU GET CLEARER ABOUT YOUR VISION FORFUTURE AS YOU COMPLETE THE EXERCISES IN THE NEXT FE4HEY WILL HELP YOU CLARIFY YOUR VALUES $ON T BE SURYOUR GOALS CHANGE ALTOGETHER OR RADICALLY EXPAN

RAISE YOUR SIGHTS AND DISCOVER MORE ABOUT WHAT YO

.%'!4)6% )-0!#4

4AKING A SHORT TERM VIEWL

%NSURES REACTIVE BEHAVIORL 7ORKS WITH hAWAY FROMv

MOTIVATIONL )S DRIVEN BY NECESSITYL #OMPELS YOU TO ACT

()'( )-0!#4

4AKING A LONG TERM VIEWL

%NABLES PROACTIVE DECISIONSL 7ORKS WITH hTOWARDv

MOTIVATIONL )S DRIVEN BY POSSIBILITYL /FFERS CHOICE

,ONG VERSUS 3HORT TERM 6IEWS

$%#)$% 7(!4 3 ) -0 /24! .4


46/121

0LACE )MPORTANT OVER 5RGENT3TEPHEN #OVEY THE WELL KNOWN AUTHOR ON BUSINESS ATIME MANAGEMENT DRAWS A DISTINCTION BETWEEN TASKDEMAND TO BE DONE IMMEDIATELY AND TASKS THAT ARE

IMPORTANT (E POINTS OUT THAT THE IMPORTANT TASKS OFGET PUSHED TO THE BACK OF THE LINE BECAUSE WE ARE TBUSY DEALING WITH THE URGENT ONES EVEN THOSE THATNOT IMPORTANT 4HE IMPORTANT TASKS OFTEN ONLY GET DIN A MAD SCRAMBLE WHEN THEY BECOME URGENT BECAUDEADLINE IS LOOMING 4HE KEY IS TO KNOW WHAT IS IMPOR

AND TO STAY FOCUSED ON IT /NCE YOU HAVE SOME MEANINLONG TERM GOALS TO WORK TOWARD THE STEPS THAT WILTHERE BECOME IMPORTANT AND IT IS EASIER TO PRIORITIZTIME 4ACKLING THE IMPORTANT TASKS lRST WILL INCREASSENSE OF CONTROL OVER YOUR WORKLOAD REDUCE YOURLEVELS AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL ENSURE THAT YOU

ACCOMPLISH MUCH MORE

, / /+ ! (%!$

!SK YOURSELF h7HAT AM ) PUTTING OFF RIGHTNOW v AND DO IT IMMEDIATELY WITHOUT CONDUCTINGANY MORE INTERNAL WILL ) WON T ) DEBATES

4)0

4O ENCOURAGE YOURSELF TOFOCUS BEYOND YOUR EVERYDAYCONCERNS HOWEVER PRESSINGTAKE TEN MINUTES TO ASKYOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS ANDWRITE DOWN YOUR ANSWERS4HEY WILL HELP YOU TO GAIN ABROAD OVERVIEW OF YOUR SITUATION

7HAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR SIXYEARS FROM NOW

7HAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR THRYEARS FROM NOW7HAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR ONEYEAR FROM NOW

)T IS BEST TO START WITH YOUR SIYEAR GOALS BECAUSE THE MEDIUTERM AND SHORTER TERM GOALSOFTEN BE STEPPING STONES ON THWAY TO YOUR LONG TERMDESTINATION

tTO

PRACTICE

4%#(.)15%3


47/121

+NOW 9OUR 6ALUES9OUR VALUES GIVE YOU MOTIVATION FOR YOUR ACTIONS

&OLLOW THE NUMBERED STAGES IN THIS SECTION TO ESTABLWHICH VALUES ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU AND ENSURE THAT YARE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE WORKING TOWARD

9OUR 0ERSONAL 3CALE OF 6ALUES9OUR VALUES ARE ALSO YOUR CRITERIA FOR JUDGING IF SO

IS RIGHT OR WRONG 4HEY GUIDE YOUR DECISIONS AND GIVMEANING TO YOUR LIFE 4HIS GUIDANCE OPERATES AT A MOLESS UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL YOU DON T NEED TO THINK ABO/NCE YOU BECOME AWARE OF YOUR VALUES YOU CAN USE TAS A CHECKLIST TO EVALUATE ANY CHOICES YOU ARE OFFE

(OW 6ALUES /RIGINATE9OU ACQUIRE YOUR VALUES ASYOU GROW UP FROM A VARIETYOF INmUENCES AROUND YOUTHEY MIGHT INCLUDE YOURPARENTS YOUR PEERS OR THE

POPULAR CULTURE OF YOURCHILDHOOD AND YOUTH /VERTIME IN ADULTHOOD YOU WILLALSO lND THAT YOU MODIFYYOUR VALUES IN THE LIGHT OFTHE CONCLUSIONS YOU DRAW

FOR YOURSELF FROM THE EVENOF YOUR LIFE 6ALUES AREABSTRACT CONCEPTS LIKEFUNINTEGRITY LEARNINGOR SECURITY SO YOU CAN SATISFYTHEM IN MANY DIFFERENT

WAYS 5SE THE FOURNUMBERED STAGES SHOWN INOUTLINE ON THE LEFT ANDEXPANDED ON THE FOLLOWINGPAGES TO IDENTIFY ANDORGANIZE YOUR VALUES

&IND 9OUR 6ALUES

&IRST lND YOUR VALUES FOR APARTICULAR AREA OF YOUR LIFE

4HEN ESTABLISH WHICH OF THESEVALUES ARE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU

#HECK FOR CLASHES BETWEENCONmICTING VALUES AND RESOLVE THEM

#HECK FOR hAWAY FROMvMOTIVATION IN THE lNAL SET OF

VALUES

$%#)$% 7(!4 3 ) -0 /24! .4


48/121

&IND 9OUR 6ALUES FOR A 3PECIlC !REA4HE lRST STEP IS TO THINK OF THE AREA OF YOUR LIFE THATWANT TO CHANGE lRST 7HEN YOU HAVE DECIDED WHAT IT IASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS

s 7HAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME ABOUT AREA7RITE DOWN THE IMMEDIATE ANSWER THAT COMES TO MIND4HEN CONTINUE TO ASKs 7HAT ELSE IS IMPORTANT TO ME ABOUT AREA9OU WILL PROBABLY END UP WITH A LIST OF AROUND SEVEPOINTS OF IMPORTANCE RELATING TO THAT AREA ALTHOUG

MAY BE LESS AND IT MAY BEMORE 4HESE POINTS ARE THEVALUES THAT YOU HOLD FOR THATAREA OF YOUR LIFE +EEP ANOTE OF THEM AND REVISITTHEM IF YOU NEED TO

+. /7 9/52 6! ,5%3

%LICITING YOUR VALUES IS A SIMPLE YET POWERFUL PROCESS USETIPS TO MAKE IT MORE REVEALING )T MAY BE EASIER FOR SOMEONTO ASK YOU THE QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF ASKING THEM OF YOURS

6ALUES SHOULD BE ABSTRACT )F YOU REACH A hCONCRETEv A

LIKE hA GOOD COMPANY CARv AS A CAREER VALUE ASK AGAIh7HAT S IMPORTANT ABOUT THAT v UNTIL YOU REACH AN ABST%VEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE RUN OUT OF ANSWERS ASK

h7HAT S IMPORTANT ABOUT AREA v WILL OFTEN UNEARTHIMPORTANT VALUES THAT YOU WERE LESS CONSCIOUSLY AWAR4HE MORE HONEST YOU ARE WITH YOURSELF THE MORE VALUA

LIST WILL BE TO YOU)F YOUR VALUES LIST INCLUDES A WORD LIKE hSATISFACTION vhFULlLLMENT v OR hCONTENTMENT v CHECK WHAT THAT WORDTO YOU )F IT IS WHAT YOU WOULD GET IF ALL THE OTHER VALULIST WERE PRESENT YOU CAN SAFELY TAKE IT OUT

'ET THE "EST FROM THE 0ROCESS

i

w

)T S NOT HARD TO MAKEDECISIONS WHEN YOU KNOWWHAT YOUR VALUES ARE

2OY $ISNEY


49/121

%STABLISH 9OUR -OST )MPORTANT 6ALUES3OME VALUES WILL BE MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN OTH

4HE MOST IMPORTANT VALUES WILL BE THE ONES THAT HAVMOST SAY IN HOW YOU USE YOUR TIME SO THE NEXT STEP ICLARIFYING YOUR PRIORITIES FOR YOUR CHOSEN AREA WILDISCOVER YOUR VALUES HIERARCHY 4HE lRST VALUE THATTO MIND IN THE PREVIOUS EXERCISE MAY NOT BE THE MOSTIMPORTANT )N FACT SOME OF THE hSUBMERGEDv VALUES T

CAME AT THE END OF THE LIST MAY BE THE ONES THAT TURTO BE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU %LICITING YOUR VALUES HIS SIMPLE *UST TAKE YOUR LIST OF VALUES FOR A GIVEN ARASK YOURSELFs )F ) COULD ONLY HAVE ONE OF THESE VALUES IN AREA W

ONE WOULD IT HAVE TO BE

7HEN YOU HAVE IDENTIlED THAT VALUE ASKs )F ) COULD ONLY HAVE ONE MORE WHICH ONE WOULD ITAND SO ON UNTIL YOU HAVE ALL THE VALUES IN ORDER,OOK AT THE EXAMPLE BELOW USING VALUES FORh7ORK AND #AREER v

)NIT IAL, IST

%N JO Y MENT

, EAR NING

3ECUR IT Y

0 EOPLE

2ECOGNIT ION

- ONE Y

2ESPECT

- AK INGADIF F ER ENCE

)NT EGR IT Y

2E V ISE DP R IOR IT Y OR DE R )NT EGR IT Y

- AK INGADIF F ER ENCE

- ONE Y

%N JO Y MENT

3ECUR IT Y

0 EOPLE

2ECOGNIT ION

2ESPECT

, EAR NING

$%#)$% 7(!4 3 ) -0 /24! .4


50/121

-ONEY AS A 6ALUE

)F MONEY COMES OUT AT THE TOP OF THE LIST YOU MAY NETO DO SOME ADDITIONAL WORK ON YOUR LIST )DEALLY MWOULD BE A hMEANSv VALUE ONE THAT IS USEFUL BECAUSHAVING IT HELPS TO FULlLL ABSTRACT hENDSv VALUES &OEXAMPLE HAVING MONEY MIGHT ALLOW YOU TO HAVE MOSECURITY OR FREEDOM -ONEY DOES NOT MAKE A GOOD hE

VALUE )F SOMEONE HAS MONEY AT THE TOP OF THEIR VALUTHEY COULD END UP WITH A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY BUTHAT IT MEANS NOTHING TO THEM

+EEP 9OUR 0RIORITIES &LEXIBLE4HE VALUES THAT ARE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU MAY CHAN

OVER TIME AS YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE )F SOMEONEHEAVILY IN DEBT MONEY MAY BE HIGH ON THEIR SCALE OFVALUES /NCE THEY HAVE A COMFORTABLE AMOUNT IN THEMONEY MIGHT BE LESS IMPORTANT AND OTHER VALUES MOTHE LIST 4HE VALUES HIERARCHY THAT YOU ELICITED IN 3TA SNAPSHOT OF WHERE YOU ARE AT THIS POINT IN TIME

+. /7 9/52 6! ,5%3

)F IT S HARD TO DECIDE WHICH IS THE MORE IMPORTANT OF TWO VUSE THIS METHOD

9OU CAN HAVEEITHER ONE VALUE OR THE OTHER BUT NOT BOTH7HICH DOES IT HAVE TO BE

9OU MAY lND THAT A VALUE IN YOUR INITIAL LIST TURNS OUTTO BE THE SAME AS OR A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT ASPECT OF ANVALUE )F THIS HAPPENS MERGE THEM SORESPECT ANDRECOGNITIONMIGHT BECOMERESPECT RECOGNITION9OU CAN WRITE THE VALUES ON STICKY NOTES TO MAKE IT EAREORDER THEM IT ALSO MAKES THE PROCESS MORE PHYSICAL

INTERACTIVE SO IT MAY GIVE YOU A DEEPER CONNECTION WIT

$ECIDING BETWEEN 6ALUES


51/121

#HECK FOR #LASHES BETWEEN 6ALUES

#ONmICTING VALUES FOR EXAMPLE ADVENTURE VERSUS S

IN YOUR CAREER CAN MAKE YOU FEEL TORN BETWEEN THE(ERE S HOW TO CHECK THAT YOUR VALUES ARE COMPATIBLEs 4AKE THE LOWEST VALUE ON YOUR PRIORITIZED LIST AN

IT AGAINST THE ONE ABOVE IT #AN YOU HAVE BOTH )F YFEEL THAT THE TWO VALUES CANNOT COEXIST MARK ANTHE CLASH #ONTINUE TO CHECK THE LOWEST VALUE AG

EVERY OTHER VALUE ALL THE WAY UP THE LISTs 4HEN TAKE THE NEXT LOWEST VALUE AND CHECK IT AGAEACH VALUE ABOVE IT IN TURN

s #ONTINUE WITH THE NEXT LOWEST VALUE UNTIL YOU HACHECKED EACH VALUE AGAINST ALL THE VALUES ABOVE

2EAD 9OUR #HART

)N THE SAMPLE CHART BELOW THE SUBJECT FEELS THAThENJOYMENTv AND hMONEY v AND hSECURITYv ANDhRECOGNITIONv ARE IN CONmICT WITH EACH OTHER 4HEY NASK MORE QUESTIONS TO RESOLVE HOW THE CLASHING VALBE MET OR TO DECIDE ON THE MORE IMPORTANT OF THE TW

)NTEGRITY-AKING A -ONEY %NJOYMENT 3ECURITY 0EOPLE 2ECDIFFERENCE

)NTEGRITY

-AKING ADIFFERENCE

-ONEY

%NJOYMENT

3ECURITY

0EOPLE

2ECOGNITION

,EARNING

0OTENTIAL 6ALUES #LASHES

$%#)$% 7(!4 3 ) -0 /24! .4


52/121

#HECK FOR h!WAY &ROMv -OTIVATION-OTIVATION CAN BE TOWARD WHAT YOU WANT AWAY FROMYOU DON T WANT OR A MIXTURE OF THE TWO h!WAY FROM

MOTIVATION USUALLY RUNS OUT BEFORE YOU REACH YOURYOU MAY lND THAT VALUES THAT ARE MAINLY hAWAY FROMNOT BE FULlLLED CONSISTENTLY 4HE KEY QUESTION FOR DTHE DIRECTION OF MOTIVATION IN EACH VALUE IS h7HY ISVALUE IMPORTANT v )N THE CHART ABOVE YOU CAN SEE ARANGE OF ANSWERS TO THE QUESTION h7HY IS MONEY

IMPORTANT v ALONGSIDE THE MOTIVATION UNDERPINNINGONE !LTHOUGH hWHY v IS NOT A USEFUL QUESTION TO ASKPROBLEM SOLVING SITUATION IT TENDS TO ELICIT EITHER EOR JUSTIlCATIONS IT IS A VALUABLE ONE WHEN YOU ARE TESTABLISH MOTIVATION 4O ANSWER THE QUESTION YOU HANALYZE THE THINKING UNDERPINNING YOUR ACTIONS AN

BECOME CLEAR WHAT YOUR MOTIVATION IS

+. /7 9/52 6! ,5%3

7HAT 9OUR !NSWERS 3AY ABOUT -OTIVATION

9/52 !.37%2

h"ECAUSE ) VE BEEN POOR AND) DIDN T LIKE IT vh"ECAUSE OF ALL THE WONDERFULTHINGS ) COULD DO WITH IT vh7ELL YOU NEED MONEY v

h)T S BETTER TO HAVE MONEY v

h"ECAUSE ) CAN BUY THINGS AND) CAN USE IT TO BENElT PEOPLE

AND IT PROVIDES A SAFETY NET v

7(!4 490% /& -/4)6!4)/.

h!WAY FROMv MOTIVATION

h 4OWARDv MOTIVATION

#ONCEALED hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATIOIF YOU SAY YOU NEED SOMETHING WIS REALLY ON YOUR MIND IS WHAT WHAPPEN IF YOU DON T HAVE IT!NOTHER CONCEALED hAWAY FROMvBETTER THAN WHAT 4HAN NOT HAVI-OSTLY hTOWARD v WITH SOME hAWAFROMv

"ECOME MORE AWARE OF OTHER PEOPLE SMOTIVATION BY NOTICING THE hTOWARDv AND hAWAY FROCLUES IN WHAT THEY SAY

4)0


53/121

2ESOLVE 6ALUES #ONmICTS)F YOU DISCOVERED THAT TWO OF YOUR VALUES CONmICT WIT

ONE ANOTHER THERE ARE SEVERAL POSSIBLE METHODS FOR YTO TRY TO WORK TOWARD A RESOLUTION

3ATISFY "OTH 6ALUES!SK YOURSELF WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN TO MAKE IT POSSIBSATISFY BOTH VALUES AT THE SAME TIME 4HEN MAKE IT HA

!LTERNATIVELY TAKE ONE OF THE CLASHING VALUES AND AYOURSELF h)F ) HAVE THAT VALUE FULLY WHAT WOULD ITTHAT IS EVEN MORE IMPORTANT v 4HIS SHOULD GIVE YOU AHIGHER VALUE !SK THE SAME QUESTION UNTIL YOU CAN TANY HIGHER 4HEN DO THE SAME THING WITH THE OTHER V9OU MAY lND THAT THE HIGHER VALUES ARE MORE COMPAT

WITH ONE ANOTHER THAN THE LOWER ONES WERE

-OVING TO h4OWARDv!SK YOURSELF SOME SEARCHING QUESTIONSs )F YOU ARE MAINLY FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU WANT TO GE

AWAY FROM OR AVOID WHAT DO YOU WANT INSTEAD OF

s )F YOU KNEW THAT YOU WERE COMPLETELY SAFE FROM WYOU WANT TO AVOID AND THERE WAS NO CHANCE OF ITSHAPPENING WHAT WOULD THAT FREE YOU UP TO DO

s )F YOUR PRACTICAL AND lNANCIAL NEEDS WOULD BE MEWHATEVER YOU DID WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO DO

$OING A GOOD JOB AND QUALITY TIMEWITH HIS FAMILY ARE BOTH IMPORTANTTO 9UKIO (E FOUND THOUGH THATSTAYING LATE AT WORK WAS EATING

INTO HIS FAMILY TIME AND LEFT HIMFEELING RESENTFUL WHILE AT WORK ANDANXIOUS WHILE AT HOME IN NEITHERPLACE WAS HE GIVING HIS BEST

#!3% STUDY2ECONCILING THE /PTIONSs 9UKIO LOOKED AT HIS TIMEMANAGEMENT AND MADE SOMEEFlCIENCY SAVINGS ENABLING HIMTO GET AWAY FROM WORK EARLIER

s 9UKIO LEARNED TO BALANCE TWOCONmICTING REQUIREMENTS !S HEFELT LESS TENSE HIS CREATIVITY ATWORK ACTUALLY IMPROVED

$%#)$% 7(!4 3 ) -0 /24! .4


54/121

5SE VISUALIZATION TO GIVE YOUR CONmICTING VALUES THVOICES 3TEP OUTSIDE YOURSELF AND SEE HOW THEY NEGWITH EACH OTHER "Y OBJECTIFYING YOUR VALUES YOU WEASIER TO ESTABLISH WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU

)MAGINE YOU HAVE ONE OF YOUR VALUES SITTING IN THE PALMYOUR HAND 7HAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE 7HAT DOES ITS VOICE SOLIKE $O THE SAME WITH THE OTHER VALUE IN THE OTHER HAN!SK ONE OF THE VALUES WHAT IT IS TRYING TO DO FOR YOU ANIS REALLY IMPORTANT TO IT )MAGINE AN ANSWER THAT FEELS2EPEAT THE PROCESS WITH THE OTHER VALUE

!SK THE TWO VALUES IF THEY NOW REALIZE THAT THEY BOTH WBEST FOR YOU!SK EACH VALUE TO TELL THE OTHER WHAT IT NEEDS TO KNOW)MAGINE WHAT THE TWO WOULD LOOK LIKE IF THEY MERGED7HEN THE VALUES ARE AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE LET YOUR HANDAS YOU TAKE THE VALUES BACK

4AKE A LITTLE TIME AND WAYSOF FULlLLING BOTH MAY COMETO YOU

'IVE 9OUR 6ALUES 6OICES

0ERSONALIZE 9OUR 6ALUES !S THEYACQUIRE THEIR OWN VOICES YOU WILIT MUCH EASIER TO ACT AS AN OBJECTMEDIATOR BETWEEN THEM


55/121

$%#)$% 7(!4 3 ) -0 /24! .4

3UMMARY +NOW 9OUR 6ALUES4HE VALUES THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU THE ABSTRACT CO

SUCH AS LOVE FRIENDSHIP SECURITY OR RECOGNITION PROVMOTIVATION FOR YOUR ACTIONS AND HELP GUIDE YOUR DEC&OR ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WANT TO CHANGEHELPFUL TO THINK ABOUT THE VALUES THAT INSPIRE YOU INOF YOUR LIFE AND THE CONmICTS BETWEEN THESE CONCEPT

-ERGE THE TWO VALUES INTOONE THAT COMBINES BOTH

ASPECTS OF THE VALUE

!SK YOURSELF hWHY IS THISIMPORTANT TO ME v UNTIL YOUREACH AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT

&IND THE VALUES THATARE IMPORTANT TO YOU FOR APARTICULAR AREA OF YOUR LIFE

#HECK FOR VALUES THAT AREONLY IMPORTANT TO YOUBECAUSE THEY HELP YOUACHIEVE OTHER VALUES

$O ANY OF THE VALUES SEEMTHE SAME AS OR VERY SIMILARTO ANOTHER VALUE ON THE LIST

$O ANY OF THE VALUES EXPRESSA CONCRETE GOAL RATHER THANAN ABSTRACT CONCEPT

%STABLISH WHICH OFTHESE VALUES ARE MOST

IMPORTANT TO YOU

2EPLACE THESE hMEANSvVALUES WITH THE hENDSv

VALUES THAT THEY HELP ACHIEVE

./

./

9%3

9%3

+NOW 9OUR 6ALUES

0LAN OF !CTION


56/121

3 5 - - ! 2 9 + . / 7 9 / 5 2 6 ! , 5 % 3

#HECK FOR hAWAYFROMv MOTIVATION IN THE

lNAL SET OF VALUES

#AN YOU CHANGE THE SITUATIONSO YOU CAN SATISFY BOTH

VALUES AT THE SAME TIME

-AKE THESE CHANGESHAPPEN

6ISUALIZE EACH CONmICTING

VALUE AS AN INDIVIDUALhVOICE v AND ACT AS ANOBJECTIVE MEDIATOR

BETWEEN THEM

#HECK FOR CLASHESBETWEEN CONmICTING VALUES

AND RESOLVE THEM

,OOK FOR THE HIGHER VALUETHAT IS COMMON TO BOTH AND

GET THEM AT THE LEAST TOAGREE TO WORK TOGETHER

-ODIFY THE WORDING OF THECONmICTING VALUES TO SHOWHOW THEY ARE COMPATIBLE

2ESOLVE 6ALUE #ONmICTS

./

9%3


57/121

4HE BIGGEST OBSTACLES TO ACHIEVING OUR GARE WITHIN OURSELVES 4O SET OUT FOR YOURWITH CONlDENCE THAT YOU WILL ACHIEVE THYOU lRST NEED TO LET GO OF ANY LIMITING BAND CLEAR OUT ANY BLOCKS WITHIN YOURSESECTION WILL HELP YOU TO

s )DENTIFY AND LOOSEN UP LIMITING BELIEFSs 'ET YOURSELF OUT OF A RUTs $EFUSE THE TRIGGERS FOR PROBLEMSs (ANDLE YOUR INNER CRITIC

s $EAL WITH DIFlCULT PEOPLE

#LEARTHE

"LOCKS


58/121


59/121

$EFEAT ,IMITING "ELIEFS!NYTHING YOU BELIEVE THAT HOLDS YOU BACK CAN BE

DESCRIBED AS A LIMITING BELIEF )T COULD BE A BELIEF ABOUYOUR OWN CAPABILITIES ABOUT HOW THE WORLD WORKS ORABOUT HOW YOU OR OTHER PEOPLE SHOULD BEHAVE

,OOK AT 9OUR "ELIEFS!S A CHILD YOU TAKE YOUR BELIEFS FROM OTHER PEOPLE

YOU HAVE SOME BELIEFS IN PLACE YOU USE THEM AS THE BFOR FORMING NEW BELIEFS !S SOON AS YOU START BASINGBELIEFS ON OTHER BELIEFS RATHER THAN ON THE EVIDENCYOUR SENSES YOU LOSE THE REALITY CHECK THAT WOULDYOU UPDATE YOUR BELIEFS IN THE LIGHT OF NEW EVIDENC

YOU TELL YOURSELF ACTS LIKE A SEL

HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION IT BEGINS TOINmUENCE YOUR VIEW OF REALITY 4HIS ALL THE MORE INSIDIOUS BECAUSEMOST OF THE TIME YOU ARE NOTCONSCIOUSLY PAYING ATTENTION TOYOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE SO WHAT

SAYING GOES UNCHALLENGED BY YOCONSCIOUS MIND

)DENTIFY ,IMITING "ELIEFS"ECOMING AWARE OF BELIEFS THAT YOU lND LIMITING IS THSTEP TO CHANGING THEM 4HEY ARE NOT ALWAYS OBVIOUS

THEY USUALLY SHOW UP lRST AT A CONSCIOUS LEVEL AS FEDISCOMFORT IRRITATION OR ANXIETY WHEN THINKING ABPARTICULAR ISSUE &OR EXAMPLE IF YOU RE WORRIED ABOPUTTING YOURSELF FORWARD FOR PROMOTION AT WORK YSAY OUT LOUD h) CAN DO THAT JOB EASILY v 9OUR IMMEDIAINNER RESPONSE MIGHT BE h.O ) COULDN T THEY LL SEE TH

ME IN A MINUTE ) DON T HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE v ANDON 3O YOU COULD WRITE DOWN THE THREE LIMITING BELIEXACTLY AS YOU EXPRESSED THEM TO YOURSELF INTERNAs ) COULDN T DO THAT JOBs 4HEY LL SEE THROUGH MEs ) DON T HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE

#,%!2 4(% ", /#+3

/UR LONGESTHELD BELIEFSMAY BE THE

MOST LIMITING


60/121

$%&%!4 , ) - )4 ) . ' "%, )%&3

#HALLENGE 9OUR "ELIEFS*UST WRITING THE LIMITING BELIEFS DOWN DISTANCES THEYOU AND STARTS TO LOOSEN THEM UP 3INCE YOU ARE NOWAWARE OF THEM YOU CAN BEGIN TO QUESTION IF THEY ARETRUE ,IMITING BELIEFS ARE OFTEN INDICATED BY RECURRI

AND PHRASES IN WHAT WE SAY )F YOU lND YOURSELF USINOF THESE PHRASES IN YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE ASK YOUINDICATED QUESTION TO UNCOVER THE LIMITING BELIEF ANRECONNECT IT WITH REALITY 7ITH PRACTICE YOU WILL SOTHAT THESE PHRASES RING ALARM BELLS FOR YOU AND WAYOU ARE STRAYING INTO NEGATIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS

) .$)#!4/2 7/2$ 7(!4 )4 ) .$)#!4%3 !.$ 7(!4

/2 0(2!3% 4/ !3+ 9/523%,&

3HOULD OUGHT TO)F YOU HAVE RULES FOR HOW PEOPLE hSHOULDv BYOU ARE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR DISAPPOINTTHEY DON T LIVE UP TO THESE STANDARDS !SK YOh7HAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ) THEY DON T v

) MUST ) HAVE TO 4HIS WAY OF THINKING INDICATES THAT YOU FEELTO DO SOMETHING RATHER THAN WILLINGLY CHOIT "UT ARE YOU REALLY COMPELLED 4O UNCOVEBEHIND THIS FEELING ASK YOURSELF h7HAT WIL) DON T v

-AKES ME !S IN h3HE MAKES ME ANGRY v 4HIS ABDICATES YOPERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY BY ASSUMING THAT A

PERSON HAS CONTROL OVER YOUR FEELINGS OR A!SK YOURSELF h2EALLY (OW DID WHAT SHE DID OCAUSE ME TO GET ANGRY v

) CAN T )F THIS MEANS h) CAN T DO THIS YET v ASK h7HATYOU v )F IT MEANS h) DON T WANT TO v ASK h7HATWOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DID v

!LWAYS NEVER 4HIS INDICATES A SWEEPING GENERALIZATIOEVERYONE NOBODY THERE WILL USUALLY BE EXCEPTIONS *USMARK AFTER THE WORD hALWAYS v

4RY h4RYv INDICATES THAT YOU ARE DOUBTFUL OR THNOT SUCCEED )NSTEAD SAY h) WILL v

#HECK 9OUR 3ELF 4ALK


61/121


62/121


63/121

$EAL WITH 0ROBLEMS!NY PROBLEM HAS A THREE PART STRUCTURE WHICH GIVES Y

THREE WAYS TO TACKLE IT CHANGE THE SITUATION CHANGEHOW YOU INTERPRET IT OR CHANGE YOUR RESPONSE TO IT %IF THE lRST IS NOT POSSIBLE THE OTHER TWO ALWAYS ARE

3TAY 2ELAXED AND 0OSITIVE3OMETIMES YOUR MIND S ATTEMPTS TO SOLVE A PROBLEM

ACTUALLY HELP TO KEEP THE PROBLEM IN PLACE &OR EXASOMEONE WHO HAS SUFFERED A BAD RELATIONSHIP BREAKlND THEMSELVES PULLING BACK EMOTIONALLY WHEN THEIPARTNER GETS TOO SERIOUS 4HIS COULD RESULT IN THE BRTHE CURRENT RELATIONSHIP THE VERY THING THEY WERE TAVOID 4RYING TO SOLVE A PROBLEM BY CONTINUALLY TUR

OVER IN YOUR MIND MAY EMBED IT DEEPER 4HE hSOLUTIONFOCUSv APPROACH IN THERAPY SUGGESTS A DIFFERENT MEYOU FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION ON WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKPROBLEM WERE SOLVED YOU WILL BE MORE LIKELY TO THIACT IN WAYS THAT LEAVE THE PROBLEM BEHIND

&OCUS ON THE 3OLUTION

0ROBLEM

!CTION3OLUTION

0ROBLEM

!CTION

3OLUTION

7HAT IS)MPORTANT)F YOU LET THEPROBLEM OCCUPY ALLTHE FOREGROUND YOUCAN HARDLY SEE THESOLUTION REVERSE THESCALE AND THESOLUTION IS CLEAR

#,%!2 4(% ", /#+3


64/121

5SE THE -IRACLE 1UESTION3O WHATEVER THE PROBLEM YOU ARE TRYING TO SOLVE AYOURSELF THIS QUESTION h)F A MIRACLE WERE TO HAPPEN

WHILE ) AM ASLEEP SO THE PROBLEM WAS COMPLETELY SOWHAT IS GOING TO TELL ME THAT THE PROBLEM HAS GONEWHEN ) WAKE UP TOMORROW v 4HINK AROUND THE ANSWEGIVING IT THE TIME IT DESERVES AND GO INTO AS MUCH DEPOSSIBLE ON WHAT THE SOLUTION WILL SEEM LIKE AND HOCHANGE THINGS ! GOOD SUPPLEMENTARY BACK UP QUESTI

GET YOU THINKING ABOUT HOWYOU WILL BE BEHAVINGDIFFERENTLY IS h(OW WILLOTHER PEOPLE AROUND ME BEABLE TO TELL THAT THIS MIRACLEHAS HAPPENED v

$%! , 7 )4 ( 02 / " ,%-3

3OMETIMES YOU CAN lND YOURSELF GOING OVER AND OVER YOURPROBLEMS FEELING LOW IN ENERGY AND TELLING YOURSELF THANOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO )F YOU EVER GET INTO THAT KINDHERE ARE SOME TRIED AND TESTED WAYS TO GET YOURSELF OUT O

%XERCISERESEARCH SHOWS THAT REGULAR VIGOROUS EXERCISE PBRAIN CHEMICALS THAT HAVE THE EFFECT OF MAKING US FEEL GO

0LAN THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TOREMEMBER TO SCHEDULE TREATS FYOURSELF EVEN WHEN YOU ARE BUSY AND DISTRACTED TO AVOIDWEEKENDv SYNDROME

)NTERRUPT RECURRING PATTERNSIF YOU ARE GETTING STUCK IN AFAMILIAR PATTERN THAT IS AFFECTING YOUR ENERGY INTERRUPTSOMETHING DIFFERENT 'ET SOME IDEAS BY ASKING YOURSELF

7HAT WOULD MY FAVORITE 46 CHARACTER DO INSTEAD7HAT IS THE MOST OUT OF CHARACTER THING ) COULD DO7HAT WOULD A CONCERNED FRIEND ADVISE ME TO DO

'ETTING 9OURSELF /UT OF A 2UT

i

i4HE UNIVERSE IS CHANGEOUR LIFE IS WHAT OURTHOUGHTS MAKE IT

-ARCUS !URELIUS


65/121

3CALE THE 0ROBLEM4RY THIS QUESTION WHERE WOULD YOU PLACE THE PROBL

ARE DEALING WITH ON A SCALE OF TO WHERE IS THE WOIT HAS EVER BEEN AND IS WHERE YOU WILL BE WHEN THEPROBLEM IS COMPLETELY SOLVED !SSIGNING THE NUMBERACTIVATES THE LEFT HEMISPHERE OF THE BRAIN WHICH ISASSOCIATED WITH POSITIVE EMOTIONS THAN THE RIGHT 4OTOWARD ACTION ASK WHAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF YOU W

ONE NUMBER ABOVE YOUR CURRENT RATING (OW WOULD YTHOUGHTS FEELINGS ACTIONS AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD4HIS WILL HELP YOU TO TAKE THE lRST STEP TOWARD A SOL

5SE 9OUR 4HOUGHTS TO (ELP#OMMON SENSE TELLS US THAT IF WE THINK ABOUT UNPLEA

THINGS WE FEEL BAD AND IF WE THINK ABOUT PLEASANTWE FEEL GOOD !S WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN WITH THE TECHFOR MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR GOOD MEMORIES THE WAYWE THINK ABOUT THINGS HAS A BIG IMPACT ON THE INTENSWHAT WE FEEL ABOUT THEM

#,%!2 4(% ", /#+3

0ART OF *OHN S JOB INVOLVED GIVINGPRESENTATIONS AND HE GOT VERYNERVOUS ABOUT THEM "EFOREEACH ONE HE WOULD RUN MOVIES IN

HIS HEAD WITH THE AIM OF BEINGhPREPARED FOR THE WORST v "ECAUSETHE MOVIES WERE hSHOTv FROM HISOWN POINT OF VIEW AS PRESENTERHE FELT MORE ANXIOUS THE MORESCENARIOS HE IMAGINED 7HEN HISCOLLEAGUE SUGGESTED HE TRY VIEWINGTHE MENTAL MOVIES AS AN OBJECTIVEOBSERVER RATHER THAN A PARTICIPANTHE BECAME MUCH LESS ANXIOUS

#!3% STUDY%LIMINATING !NXIETYs *OHN FOUND THAT A DETACHED POINT OF VIEW DISTANCED HIM FROMUNHELPFUL EMOTIONSs 7ITH PRACTICE HE COULD SEE

HIS FUTURE SELF COPING CALMLY WMISHAPS AND TOUGH QUESTIONS(IS PRESENTATIONS WENT BETTERBECAUSE HE WAS LESS NERVOUSs (E FOUND HE COULD GET EVENBETTER RESULTS BY IMAGINING PRESENTATIONS THAT WERE WELLRECEIVED BECAUSE MENTALLYREHEARSING SUCCESS MAKES SUCCESS MORE LIKELY


66/121

!LTER 9OUR 6IEWPOINT/NE OF THE MOST POWERFUL WAYS TO ALTER THE IMPACT OA MENTAL IMAGE IS TO CHANGE THE POINT OF VIEW FROM WYOU LOOK AT IT )F YOU ARE VIEWING A MEMORY FROM THEOF VIEW THAT YOU HAD WHEN IT HAPPENED SEEING IT THR

YOUR OWN EYES YOU WILL lND THAT YOU REVISIT THE MEMEXACTLY AS YOU REMEMBER IT AND WILL PROBABLY ALSOEMOTION THAT GOES WITH THAT MEMORY )F HOWEVER YOTHE POINT OF VIEW OF AN IMPARTIAL OBSERVER SOMEONELOOKING AT THE SCENE FROM THE OUTSIDE SO THAT RATHEBEING YOURSELF YOU ARE SEEING AN IMAGE OF YOURSELF

WILL lND THAT YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY MORE DETACHEDTHE ACCOMPANYING EMOTION 9OU CAN REDUCE THE EMOTEVEN MORE BY SENDING THE IMAGE FARTHER AWAY IN YOUPERCEPTUAL SPACE BY DRAINING THE COLOR OUT OF IT ANMAKING IT DIMMER BLURRIER OR MORE FADED 0RACTICEOF THINKING REGULARLY SO THAT WHEN YOU REALLY NEE

SWITCH YOUR VIEWPOINT YOU CAN DO SO EASILY

$%! , 7 )4 ( 02 / " ,%-3

!LTERING YOUR MENTAL IMAGES IS A SKILL THAT YOCAN LEARN FAIRLY QUICKLY EMOTIONALLY NEUTRAL IMAARE EASIER TO PRACTICE ON

4)0

4EACH YOURSELF TO DEFUSE THEIMPACT OF A NEGATIVE IMAGE4HINK OF A FOOD THAT DISGUSTSYOU !S YOU VISUALIZE THE IMAGEMAKE A MENTAL NOTE OF HOWINTENSE YOUR FEELING OF DISGUST IS

.OTICE HOW BIG THE PICTURE IS

.OTICE HOW COLORFUL IT IS)S IT MOVING OR STILL

)S IT THREE DIMENSIONAL OR mA.OW MAKE THE IMAGE SMALLERAND FARTHER AWAY FROM YOUWORK ON MAKING IT mAT DIMMONOCHROME AND STILL.OTICE HOW INTENSE YOURFEELING OF DISGUST IS NOW 9OUSHOULD lND THAT IT HAS REDUCIN STRENGTH

TOPRACTICE

4%#(.)15%3


67/121

$EFUSE 0ROBLEM 4RIGGERS,IKE EVERYONE ELSE YOU WILL UNDOUBTEDLY HAVE SOME

TRIGGERS FOR AUTOMATIC RESPONSES BUT WHILE MANY RWILL BE NEARLY UNIVERSAL IF YOU ARE OUT DRIVING ANDA RED LIGHT AHEAD FOR EXAMPLE IT S LIKELY THAT YOUOTHER DRIVER WILL lND YOURSELF AUTOMATICALLY WANBRAKE OTHERS WILL BE HIGHLY PERSONALIZED AND WILLALONE 9OU PROBABLY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE BUT IT IS PO

TO LEARN SOME EFFECTIVE WAYS OF DEFUSING THEM AND RTHEM OF THEIR POWER OVER YOU 3OME OF THE TRIGGERRESPONSE PAIRINGS YOU HAVE PICKED UP ALONG THE WAYBE PARTICULARLY UNHELPFUL IF THEY ATTACH THEMSELVEBROADER SITUATIONS &OR EXAMPLE IF AS A CHILD YOU OSTARTED TO FEEL ANXIOUS WHEN YOU SAW A FROWN ON YO

PARENT S FACE BUT NOW lND THAT THAT ANXIETY IS TAPPEALMOST ANYONE FROWNING AT YOU FROM YOUR BOSS TOPARKING ATTENDANT YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME ACTION TODIMINISH THE POWER OF THAT PARTICULAR TRIGGER

#,%!2 4(% ", /#+3

5SE THIS TECHNIQUE TO GET RIDOF AN UNWANTED EMOTIONALRESPONSE OR TO DEFUSE THETRIGGER FOR A BAD HABIT )T

INSTALLS A FRESH SEQUENCE OFMENTAL ASSOCIATIONS4AKE A MENTAL PICTURE OF THEhTRIGGERv SITUATION 7HAT TRIGGERSTHE RESPONSE,ET GO OF THAT PICTURE AND SEEYOURSELF AS YOU WILL BE WHEN YOU

HAVE OVERCOME THAT PROBLEM-AKE THE PICTURE BRIGHT ANDCOMPELLING SO YOU GET A GOODFEELING AS YOU LOOK AT IT

3HRINK THE GOOD PICTURE TO APOWERFUL SMALL IMAGE,OOK AT THE hTRIGGERv PICTURE THTIME WITH THE POSITIVE IMAGE INLOWER CORNER -AKE THE TRIGGER

PICTURE DISAPPEAR AND EXPANDTHE POSITIVE IMAGE TO FULL SIZEMAKING A h3WISSSH v SOUND TOEMPHASIZE THE EXCHANGE(OLD FOR A MOMENT THEN BLANKYOUR MENTAL SCREEN2EPEAT lVE TIMES IN QUICK

SUCCESSION,OOK AT THE TRIGGER PICTURE AGA9OU WILL lND THAT YOUR RESPONSTO IT IS WEAKER

t TO PRACTICE4%#(.)15%3


68/121

-ANY PEOPLE ARE HELD BACK FROM REACHING THEIR FULLPOTENTIAL BY AN INNER VOICE ALSO KNOWN AS THE hCHAOR hGREMLIN v THAT CONSTANTLY NAGS AT THEM

9OU CAN REDUCE THE IMPACT OF THIS VOICE 7HERE IS IT COMING

-OST PEOPLE LOCATE IT IN THEIR HEADS 7HAT DOES IT SAY AND HYOU FEEL ABOUT IT 7HAT KIND OF IMPACT WOULD IT HAVE IF

)T WAS COMING FROM YOUR RIGHT BIG TOE INSTEAD)T HAD A VERY HIGH PITCHED VOICE)T WAS LOUDER /R QUIETER)T CAME FROM OUTSIDE YOUR BODY ALTOGETHER

)T HAD THE VOICE OF A WELL KNOWN CARTOON CHARACTER)T HAD A HUMOROUS TONE WITH A CHUCKLE IN ITS VOICE)T HAD A KINDLY NURTURING TONE

7HICH ONE WORKED BEST FOR YOU (OW DOES IT FEEL TO REALIZEYOU CAN CHANGE THE IMPACT THAT THE INNER CRITIC HAS ON HO

FEEL !ND WHEN WILL THIS BE MOST USEFUL TO YOU

$EALING WITH 9OUR )NNER #RITIC

%VERYONE HAS AN )NNER #RITIC!LTHOUGH EVERYONE HAS A VOICE THAT DIMTHEIR CONlDENCE AT TIMES HOW MUCH ATTENTION YOU PAY TO YOUR NCRITIC IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOU IT S WITHIN YOUR CONTROL


69/121

#,%!2 4(% ", /#+3

3UMMARY $EALING WITH 0ROBLEMS4URNING PROBLEMS OVER AND OVER IN YOUR HEAD CAN Q

BECOME COUNTERPRODUCTIVE MAKING A SITUATION FEELDIFlCULT THAN IT ACTUALLY IS 4HE KEY TO DEALING WITHIS TO STAY FOCUSED ON THE SOLUTION REMAIN RELAXED ANDAND NOT LET YOUR PERSONAL GREMLINS TAKE CONTROL

&OCUS ON WHAT YOUR LIFEWOULD BE LIKE IF THE

PROBLEM WERE TO BE SOLVED

5SE YOUR ANSWERS TOFOCUS ON POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS

TO THE PROBLEM

!SK YOURSELF THE MIRACLEQUESTION IF THE

PROBLEM DISAPPEAREDTOMORROW HOW WOULD

YOU BE ABLE TO TELL

&OCUS ONTHE 3OLUTION

'ET PLENTY OF HEALTHYMOOD BOOSTING EXERCISE TO

HELP YOU STAY POSITIVE

)NTERRUPT RECURRING PATTERNOF THOUGHT AND ACTION

BY DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT

0LAN THINGS TO LOOKFORWARD TO THAT WILL HELPKEEP YOUR MIND OFF THE

PROBLEM

$ON T ,ET 9OURSELF'ET INTO A 2UT

0LAN OF !CTION


70/121


71/121

$EAL WITH /THER 0EOPLE3OMETIMES IT CAN SEEM AS IF LIFE WOULD BE PERFECT IF YOU

DIDN T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE DIFlCULT PEOPLE AROUND YO"UT DO THOSE PEOPLE THINK OF THEMSELVES AS DIFlCULT6ERY FEW PEOPLE DELIBERATELY SET OUT TO BE AWKWARD

+EEP AN /BJECTIVE 6IEW3OMEONE WITH WHOM YOU HAVE A PROBLEM MAY BE REGA

AS EASYGOING BY SOMEONE ELSE %QUALLY YOU MAY SOMAPPEAR TO BE THE hDIFlCULTv ONE WITHOUT REALIZING ITSHOW DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF YOURSELF TO YOUR PARTNERCOLLEAGUES YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR FRIENDS 7HAT TPERCEIVE IS THEIR MENTAL IMAGE OF YOU lLTERED BY PREMEMORIES ASSOCIATIONS AND THEIR OWN BELIEFS ABOUT

TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE 4HIS WORKS BOTH WAYS SO THATWHEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SOMEBODY YOU ARE REHAVING A PROBLEM WITH YOUR IMAGE OF THEM

%VERY $ISPUTE HAS 4HREE 6IEWPOINTS7HEN YOU ARE LOCKED IN ANY KIND OF CONmICT WITH SOM

ELSE IT IS HARD TO KEEP THE MENTAL mEXIBILITY TO lND CWAYS TO RESOLVE IT 4HE STRONGER YOUR EMOTION THE MRIGID AND SET YOUR THINKING TENDS TO BECOME 4HE KEYREMAINING mEXIBLE ENOUGH TO GIVE YOURSELF MORE CH

#,%!2 4(% ", /#+3

THINK3-!24,OOK AT A RECENT DISAGREEMENT FROM EACH OF THE TVIEWPOINTS STARTING WITH YOUR OWN

" CAREFUL TO LET GO OF ANY FEELINGS FROM ONE VIEWSTEPPING INTO THE NEXT 4O GET THE BEST OUT OF THIS

MARK OUT THE THREE VIEWPOINTS AS SEPARATE PLACEAND PHYSICALLY MOVE FROM ONE TO ANOTHER !FTERDISPUTE FROM THE DETACHED OVERVIEW POSITION WHWOULD YOU GIVE TO THE hYOUv IN THE lRST VIEWPOINT


72/121

$%! , 7 )4 ( /4 (%2 0%/0 ,%

ABOUT YOUR RESPONSE IS TO PRACTICE LOOKING AT THE CFROM THREE DIFFERENT VIEWPOINTS YOUR OWN THE OTHPERSON S AND A DETACHED OVERVIEW

"RING 7ISDOM TO #ONmICTS

'ETTING STUCK IN ANY ONE OF THESE THREE POSITIONS SOYOU ONLY SEE THE SITUATION FROM ONE POINT OF VIEW HDISADVANTAGES 7ISDOM COMES FROM BEING ABLE TO MOVFREELY BETWEEN THE VIEWPOINTS AND IN BEING ABLE TOOF THE FEELINGS ARISING FROM ONE VIEWPOINT BEFORE MTO ANOTHER SO YOU CAN SEE THE SITUATION WITH FRESH

4EACH YOURSELF TO SWITCH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VIEWPOINTS mORDER TO GAIN THE BROADEST POSSIBLE VIEW OF ANY SITUATIONVIEWPOINT HAS ITS OWN ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES

(OW THE 6IEWPOINTS 7ORK

!$6!.4!'%3

9OUR OWN POINT OF VIEW'OOD FORKNOWING WHAT YOU WANT KNOWING HOWYOU FEEL ABOUT THINGS AND FOR STANDINGYOUR GROUND lRMLY4HE OTHER PERSON S POINT OF VIEW'OOD FOR SEEING CLEARLY WHAT THE OTHERPERSON WANTS AND FOR EMPATHY MAYHELP YOU TO SEE HOW YOU APPEARTO THEM! DETACHED OVERVIEW'OOD FOR

LOOKING AT THINGS OBJECTIVELY CALMINGDOWN SEEING THE INTERACTION AS A WHOLESYSTEM AND NOTING ITS WIDER CONSEQUENCE

$)3!$6!.4!'%3

9OUR OWN POINT OF VIEW#AN LEADTO SELlSHNESS OR ARROGANCE YOULACK AWARENESS OF HOW YOU APPEAUSE OTHERS FOR YOUR OWN ENDS4HE OTHER PERSON S POINT OF VIEW#AN LEAD TO PASSIVE BEHAVIOR OREXTREME CASES A MARTYRED APPROWHICH YOU SEE OTHERS VIEWPOINTCLEARLY THAT YOU ALWAYS PUT THE! DETACHED OVERVIEW,ACKING

UNDERSTANDING OF HOW THE PARTICIN THE SITUATION FEEL 4HIS VIEWPOILEAD YOU TO COME ACROSS AS COLD

!DVANTAGES AND $ISADVANTAGES


73/121

$EAL WITH #RITICISM(OW DO YOU RESPOND TO CRITICAL COMMENTS $O YOU TAKE

THEM TO HEART OR STOP THEM AT ARM S LENGTH AND EXAMTHEM TO SEE IF THEY ARE TRUE (OW ABOUT COMPLIMENTS$O YOU TREAT THEM IN THE SAME WAY OR DIFFERENTLY

4REAT #RITICISM AS &EEDBACK

)T IS VERY COMMON FOR PEOPLE TO TAKE CRITICISM IMMED

TO HEART WHETHER IT IS WELL FOUNDED OR NOT BUT TO HCOMPLIMENTS AT A DISTANCE UNTIL THEY HAVE ANALYZED! MORE SUCCESSFUL RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS IS TO DO THEOPPOSITE TO ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS FREELY WHILE SUBJECCRITICISMS TO CAREFUL SCRUTINY 4O EXTRACT THE USEFUFROM A CRITICAL REMARK FOLLOW THIS SIMPLE TWO STEP

s -ENTALLY DETACH YOURSELF FROM THE EMOTIONAL IMPTHE CRITICISM )MAGINE YOU ARE RISING ABOVE THE PEMAKING THE CRITICISM AND LOOKING DOWN AT THEM

s !SK YOURSELF h7HAT DO ) NEED TO LEARN FROM THIS v9OU MAY lND THAT YOU LEARN AS MUCH ABOUT THE PERSOOFFERING THE CRITICISM AS YOU DO ABOUT YOURSELF

3TAY 0OSITIVE! MATURE ATTITUDE TO CRITICISM THAT IT IS INVALUABLE FEA USEFUL TOOL IN LIFE )NSTEAD OF BECOMING DEFENSIVE WHEN CRITICOPEN TO COMMENT AND TO ANALYZE IT CALMLY


74/121

h0ROJECTIONv IS A THERAPY TERM THAT DESCRIBES THE PEOF YOUR OWN FEELINGS IN ANOTHER PERSON WITHOUT THREALIZATION THAT YOUR INTERPRETATION IS REALLY ABO

!SSUME FOR A MOMENT THAT THE REASON

YOU ARE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE A QUALITY YOUDISLIKE IN SOMEONE ELSE IS BECAUSE YOUHAVE SOME OF THAT QUALITY YOURSELF 4HISIDEA WORKS BOTH WAYS EVEN IF YOUDON T REALIZE IT IT MEANS THAT YOU ALSOHAVE AT LEAST TRACES OF THE QUALITIES THAT

YOU ADMIRE IN OTHER PEOPLE

5SE 0ROBLEMATIC 0EOPLE AS 0RACTICE%VERYONE NO MATTER HOW OBNOXIOUS THEY SEEM IS ACTING FPOSITIVE INTENTION TOWARD THEMSELVES 6IEWING hDIFlCULTv PFROM THIS PERSPECTIVE MAKES IT EASIER TO UNDERSTAND THEM

PRINCIPLE ONE STEP FURTHER AND REALIZE THAT THEY ARE GIVINOPPORTUNITY TO LEARN 3OME OF THE MOST VALUABLE LESSONSLEARNED WILL HAVE COME FROM LEARNING TO HANDLE DIFlCULTPERHAPS A GRUMPY COLLEAGUE WHO UNKNOWINGLY GAVE YOU PIN DRAWING A PERSON OUT OF THEMSELVES 4RY RUNNING THROUEXERCISE A FEW TIMES USING A DIFFERENT PERSON AS YOUR EXA

EACH TIME TO INCREASE YOUR UNDERSTANDING4HINK OF A PERSON WHO DOES SOMETHING THAT IRRITATES YOBEHAVES IN A WAY THAT YOU DON T LIKE7HAT IS THE POSITIVE INTENTION BEHIND THEIR BEHAVIOR 3EEYOURSELF BRIEmY THOUGH THEIR EYES 7HAT DO YOU LEARN FDIFFERENT VIEWPOINT

)F THAT PERSON S BEHAVIOR HAD A POSITIVE INTENTION TOWABEHIND IT WHAT WOULD THAT POSITIVE INTENTION BE 7HATPOSITIVE LESSONS DO YOU NEED TO LEARN FROM YOUR INTERAWITH THAT PERSON!SK YOURSELF h(OW AM ) LIKE THAT PERSON 7HEN DO ) BEHAVLIKE THAT v

"E !WARE OF 0ROJECTION

$%! , 7 )4 ( #2)4 )# )3 -

$IFlCULTPEOPLE MAKE

THE BESTTEACHERS


75/121

.OW THAT YOU ARE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR VALUHAVE LOOSENED ANY LIMITING BELIEFS YOUlRM UP YOUR GOALS AND BRING THEM TO LIFEA WAY THAT WILL ENLIST YOUR UNCONSCIOUSTO HELP MAKE IT HAPPEN )NSTALLING A VIBRIMAGE OF YOUR GOAL INTO YOUR FUTURE WIL

TURBOCHARGE YOUR MOTIVATION AND KEEP YFOCUSED ON DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ATHEM 4HIS SECTION GUIDES YOU THROUGHs 7HY SETTING GOALS IS IMPORTANT

s 7HAT WORKS IN GOAL SETTINGs 4HE lVE CONDITIONS OF SUCCESSFUL GOALSs (OW TO MAKE YOUR GOAL COMPELLINGs (OW TO INSTALL GOALS INTO YOUR FUTURE

#REATETHE 6ISION9OU 7ANT


76/121


77/121

3ET 9OUR 'OALS7ITHOUT GOALS YOU WOULD JUST BE DRIFTING AIMLESSLY AT

THE MERCY OF WHATEVER EVENTS COME ALONG IN YOUR LIF9OU NEED TO HAVE A CLEAR IDEA ABOUT WHERE YOU WANT TBE IN ORDER TO TAKE THE ACTION NEEDED TO GET THERE

5SE 'OALS TO 'IVE 9OU $IRECTION"Y CONTRAST WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR GOALS ARE Y

KNOW THE PATH YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW TO GET THERE ANDHAVE SOMETHING TO AIM AT SO YOU CAN MAKE CORRECTIIF YOU GET BLOWN OFF COURSE ! SENSE OF PURPOSE IS AFUNDAMENTAL HUMAN NEED 7ITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANYOUR LIFE YOU BECOME UNHAPPY AS YOU WILL KNOW IF YHAVE SPENT ANY LENGTH OF

TIME IN AN UNFULlLLING JOB7ITH GOALS YOU BECOMEMORE mEXIBLE AND RESILIENTAND BETTER ABLE TO COPEWITH CHANGING CONDITIONS ASYOU CONTINUALLY DEVELOP

&REE -ENTAL %NERGY)F YOU lND IT HARD TO THINKOF ACTIVITIES THAT WOULD BEENJOYABLE YOU NEED TO FREESOME MENTAL ENERGY #UT

OUT ACTIVITIES THAT MAY BEPLEASURABLE BUT DON TOFFER YOU ENJOYMENT#UTTING DOWN ON TELEVISIONWATCHING WOULD BE A GOODSTART 3WITCH OFF A SOAP

OPERA YOU WATCH REGULARLYAND YOU LL ALREADY HAVEFREED UP lVE HOURS A WEEKTHAT YOU COULD SPENDENRICHING YOUR RELATIONSHIPSWITH REAL PEOPLE

,OOK TO THE &UTURE

!SSESS WHERE YOU ARE NOW

&IX ON YOUR LONG TERM GOALSOVER A SET TIME PERIOD

(ALFWAY THROUGH THE PERIOD YOHAVE SET ASSESS YOUR PROGRESS

!DJUST YOUR MEDIUM TERM GOALSIF NECESSARY &IX ON YOUR NEXT S

OF LONG TERM GOALS

#2%!4% 4(% 6)3) / . 9 /5 7! .4


78/121


79/121

-AKE 'OAL 3ETTING 7ORK#HANGING YOUR HABITS IS NOT EASY YEARS OF PRACTICE WIL

HAVE EMBEDDED THEM INTO YOUR NEURAL CIRCUITRY )N ORTO OVERCOME THE INERTIA THAT WE ARE ALL FAMILIAR WITHESSENTIAL TO HAVE A CLEAR VISION OF WHERE YOU WANT TO

%NGAGE 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS -IND7HEN YOU HAVE A VISION THAT YOU CAN SEE HEAR AND FE

ENGAGES YOU ON MORE THAN JUST AN INTELLECTUAL LEVYOU THE EMOTIONAL MOTIVATION YOU WILL NEED TO GETSETBACKS AND OVERCOME INERTIA 3ETTING A GOAL IN THWAY OFFERS A TEMPLATE OR hATTRACTORv FOR YOUR UNCOMIND WHICH SETS UP THE ATTENTION MECHANISMS IN YOUBRAIN TO NOTICE THE PEOPLE AND OPPORTUNITIES THAT CA

YOU GET CLOSER TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE )T ALSO ALLOTO EVALUATE THE CHANGES IN YOUR SURROUNDINGS SO THWILL BE AWARE OF WHETHER YOU ARE GETTING CLOSER TODESIRED OUTCOME OR MOVING FARTHER AWAY FROM IT

$ISTINGUISH BETWEEN 'OALS AND &EELINGS

h) WANT TO BE HAPPYv IS NOT A GOAL 9OU CAN BE HAPPY RNOW FOR AT LEAST A SHORT WHILE BY BRINGING TO MINDHAPPY TIME IN YOUR LIFE OR A PERSON YOU LIKE 4HIS HAPINSTANTLY AND IS ACCOMPLISHED BY YOUR INTERNAL RESHAPPY OR POSITIVE THOUGHTS 'OALS BY CONTRAST INVOCHANGES IN THE EXTERNAL WORLD AROUND YOU YOU ACT

HAVE TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN TO ACHIEVE MOST GOAAND THIS WILL TAKE TIME

&EELINGS VERSUS 'OALS

&%%,).' /2 6!,5% SUCH AShHAPPINESSv

6AGUE9OU CAN HAVE IT NOW.O STEPS OR PLANNING REQUIRED!BSTRACT

'/!, SUCH AS hPROMOTEDBY THE END OF THIS YEARv

3PECIlC)T WILL TAKE TIME TO ACHIEVE3TEPS ARE NEEDED TO GET THERE-EASURABLE

#2%!4% 4(% 6)3) / . 9 /5 7! .4


80/121

)T MAY BE THAT YOU HAVE KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME WHAGOALS ARE !LTERNATIVELY YOU MAY HAVE STARTED WITHVAGUE NOTION THAT YOU WANT THINGS TO BE DIFFERENTTHEY HAVE BEEN UP TO NOW

)F YOUR GOALS ARE NOT YET AS CLEAR AS YOU WOULD LIKE THEMHERE ARE SOME WAYS OF GETTING STARTED

4ITLE THREE SHEETS OF PAPER WITH h4HINGS THAT ) WANT MORh4HINGS THAT ) WANT TO KEEP AS THEY ARE v AND h4HINGS THAWANT LESS OF v $IVIDE EACH SHEET INTO TWO COLUMNS AND WAS MANY ENTRIES AS YOU CAN IN THE LEFT HAND COLUMN WI

REASONS FOR EACH ENTRY IN THE RIGHT HAND COLUMN4HINK ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ADMIRE 7HAT IS IT THAT YOU ADMI(OW COULD YOU BE MORE LIKE THEM! FEELING CAN BE A STARTING POINT FOR DRAWING UP YOUR GYOU WANT TO BE HAPPIER WHAT ACHIEVABLE CHANGES WOULIT EASY FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY

)MAGES MAY BE EASIER TO WORK WITH THAN WORDS 5SE MAGPICTURES THAT APPEAL TO YOU TO CREATE A COLLAGE REPRESYOUR GOAL

%NVISAGING 9OUR 'OALS

4 HINGS ) W ANT MOR E OF

s 3PAR ET IMET OSPEND

W IT HM Y K IDS

s 0 LA Y INGGOLF s # HALLENGINGW OR K

PR O JECT S

7 H Y

s 4 HE Y AR EONL Y Y OUNGF OR

ASHOR T T IME

s %XER CISEANDF UN

s 4 OSHOW W HAT ) HAV ET OOF F ER

3AMPLE ,IST7RITING DOWN WHAT YOU WANT MORE OF AND WHY YOU WAHELP YOU TO CONSOLIDATE YOUR GOALS

- !+% ' / ! , 3%44) . ' 7 /2+


81/121

7E ARE ALL AFFECTED BY OUR SURROUNDINGS TO SOME EXTHE ENVIRONMENT WE CREATE FOR OURSELVES MIRRORS OSTATE OF MIND ! CLUTTERED SPACE WILL DRAIN YOUR ENE

#LEARING SUPERmUOUS CLUTTER IS ONE EASY

WAY TO GIVE YOUR ENERGY A BOOST AND TOSTART FREEING YOURSELF FROM PASTBAGGAGE SO YOU CAN LOOK TO THE FUTURE

3TART WITH THE SMALL STUFF 4O GETPAST THE FEELING OF BEINGOVERWHELMED START WITH YOUR JUNK

DRAWER )T WILL INSPIRE YOU TO MOVEON TO THE BIGGER STUFF#LEAR OUT ANYTHING NOT USED OR LOVED 5NDER NORMALCIRCUMSTANCES IF YOU HAVE NOT USED AN ITEM IN THE PASTTHEN YOU WILL NOT USE IT AGAIN3ET YOURSELF A TIME LIMIT )F YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT IS

UNlNISHED OR NEEDING REPAIR SET YOURSELF A PERIOD OF TIGET IT lXED )F BY THEN IT S STILL UNlNISHED IT HAS TO GO2ECYCLE ITEMS THAT ARE hTOO GOOD TO THROW OUT v )T IS NOFOR MOST PEOPLE TO JUST THROW SOMETHING AWAY SO RECYCTO FRIENDS SCHOOLS OR CHARITIES WHO WILL ACTUALLY USEh/NE IN ONE OUT v /NCE YOU HAVE CLEARED MAINTAIN THAT

CLUTTER FREE STATE WITH A RULE THAT YOU CLEAR SPACE FORYOU BRING INTO YOUR HOME BY CLEARING OUT SOMETHING E'ET STARTED 4HE MOMENT YOU START YOU WILL FEEL LIGHTEEMPOWERED TO CONTINUE /THER PEOPLE AROUND YOU WILL BMOTIVATED TO CLEAR THEIR CLUTTER 9OUR HOME OR WORKSPFEEL THE BEN

achieve your goals-worklife

Documents