A F I R S T LO O K AT I N T E R P E R S O N A L

CHAPTER 1

WHY WE COMMUNICATE

• Psychologist William Schutz: Basic Needs

• Affection-desire to give & receive love & liking• Inclusion-desire to be social & be included• Control-desire to influence people & events

THE INTERPERSONAL IMPERATIVE

• Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:• Physical NeedsSurvival-air, food, sex• Safety NeedsShelter, authorities, key master,Medical, pay check• Belonging NeedsInclusion, fun, groups• Self-Esteem NeedIntelligence, abilities• Self-Actualization NeedsFull development of unique talents

PARTICIPATING EFFECTIVELY IN A DIVERSE SOCIETY

• Depends on: • ability to participate effectively in a diverse society-2012 CA-12%-+65 yrs, Latino-38%, Asian-14% • Understanding & learning from others who different from us

MODELS

• One-Way model• Exercise

• Feedback models• Interactive• transactional

ONE-WAY

• Linear – one acts on another“Clean the kitchen!”

(encode) (noise)Sender

*Shortcomings:Not passive receiversComplicated messages

(decode)Receiver

INTERACTIVE

Give feedback Create & interpret messages

(encode) (noise) (decode)Sender-message Receiver

Feedback loop-Do you realize that we’re actually having a quiet moment together? So how do we start?”“I was hoping you’d remember?” (parents!)

Shortcomings: still perceived as sequentialDoes not capture dynamism

TRANSACTIONAL

• Emphasizes dynamism & multiple roles• Varies over time, affecting our broadened relationships(encoding/ Noise (decoding/decoding) encoding)

Sender/Receiver message sent Receiver/Sender

-Simultaneous-Ongoing-More realistic

TRANSACTIONAL

• Newish parents:“Tired?”“I’m exhausted. She was up 4 times last & wouldn’t go back to sleep. I think she has a new tooth coming in, & it’s keeping her up.”“Well, I have tomorrow off. I’ll get up with her, and you can sleep in.”“Thanks.”“You seem a little distant tonight. What is it?”“Oh, there’s a lot happening at work that I’m missing—things I’d like to be involved with, but since I’m part-time now, I can’t really take them on.”“Man, we really need to watch our spending this month. We’re pretty tight here.”

RESOURCE PACKAGE

• Related to encoding & decoding• Each of us carries this package around making us unique

individuals• It is made of a variety of factors:• Past experiences• Education/Knowledge-formal & informal• Culture• Values• Beliefs• Feelings/emotions• Expectations• Relationship knowledge• Assumptions

BUBERFIRST DEFINITION OF INTERPERSONAL

COMMUNICATION• “between people”• Not always personal• I/It relationships: treat others almost as objects, not as unique

people, but as their role, i.e.,• Salespeople, servers, gas station attendants, bank tellers, dog

walkers, homeless

• I/You relationships: more personal, affirm the existence of others, beyond the role, no deep conversation, majority of our relationships, i.e.,• Work colleagues, teammates, classmates, perhaps instructors

• I/Thou relationships: rarest, regarded as highest form of human dialogue, affirm other as cherished & unique, accept in totality, open ourselves, trusting, i.e., • Best friends, lovers, etc.

FEATURES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

• Communication is:• Selective-we choose to communicate• Systemic-takes place in various systems, i.e.,Costa Mesa OCC Comm Studies class-affects how we all communicate with one another (Note how the package of resources enters into this factor)• Interdependent systems & they affect one another• Noise is also part of systems-4 types of noise that can distort the

message as it passes through the “system” or channel• Physiological- how we feel• Physical- environment• Psychological- interpretation of messages• Semantic- language not mutually understood

FEATURES CONTINUED

• Individual• Trust• Self-disclosing-2-way• Unique• Irreplaceable

• Establish rules

• Processual• Continuous & ongoing• No discrete beginning or

ending• Interwoven past, present,

future• Irreversible

FEATURES CONT.

• Transactional• Communication between two people is continual &

simultaneous• Share responsibility for effectiveness-use of

metacommunication, ie, I did not hear you-please speak up.• Technology & communication

• Personal knowledge• Communication fosters\

communication &• Creates personalknowledge

FEATURE-FINAL ONE

• Meaning Creating• Shared meaning between people using the resource

package• Develop vocabularies that are for them, ie, my family uses

lines from favorite films

• Meanings• Content meaning-literal meaning, ie, “Clean your room now”

means the room is to be cleaned immediately• Relationship meaning-between the communicators, ie, the

parent has the right to order the child due to unequal power relationship

3 DIMENSIONS OF RELATIONSHIP-LEVEL MEANINGS

• Responsiveness-how aware of others & how involved with them we are, ie, you are chatting & the friend is texting…• Low context culture-Western world, uses little eye contact

when preoccupied• High context culture-Eastern world, uses eye contact,

nodding, feedback demonstrating involvement

• Liking or affection-degree of positive or negative feelings communicated; use tone of voice, facial expressions, how close we sit to them…• Power or control-balance of power, how is it

distributed, ie, parent/child, friend/friend, significant other

MORE ON POWER

• One-up/One-down=Dominant/Submissive• Parent/child• Husband/wife

• Symmetrical=equality• Roommates• Partners• Friends

• Parallel=choice of one above• Couple will make a choice has to how they can operate

for a time period

PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

1. We cannot not communicate2. Irreversible3. Involves ethical choices4. Construct meanings5. Metacommunication affects meanings6. Develops & sustains relationships7. Not a panacea8. Can be learned

GUIDELINES FOR COMPETENCE

• Develop a range of skills• Adapt• Engage in dual perspective• Monitor your communication• Commit to ethical & effective communication

YOUTUBE VIDEO

• “I Forgot my Phone”-( 2 min.)• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OINa46HeWg8• Are we addicted?• Have we gone too far?• What can we do about it?