Katy Lindquist

Reflective JournalInternship with SRED (Society for Rural Education and Development)

January 2012Tamil Nadu, India

1/7/12

I finally made it to India. It was a long journey. I flew from Denver to San Francisco, from San Francisco to Dubai, and then from Dubai to Chennai. I arrived at the SRED center at around 4:00am and managed to sleep until 5:00 at night. When I woke up today I was greeted by Fatima and some of her women. They are all very sweet and incredibly welcoming. Soon after I awoke, Fatima took be to her house for a big meeting of the Dalit leaders in the area. Fatima lives in a Dalit village herself, but her house is very nice. It is definitely one of the largest houses in the village and she has a woman who helps with all of the cooking and cleaning. The meeting was very interesting. The leaders introduced themselves to me and told me about some of their work. Much of the meeting was in Tamil, but they did their best to translate if for me. After the meeting was over, we had a huge Indian dinner. I’m not sure why this didn’t occur to me before, but they don’t use utensils in India. They handed me a plate of rice and dahl and chicken and beef and other things I don’t know the name of. But they didn’t hand me any utensils. So I sat waiting until I noticed the men sitting next to me using their fingers. The Westerner in me was alarmed at first. But I got over it fast and started eating with my fingers too. I was terrible at it and I could see some of them smiling at me as I struggled. I sat next to one leader who spoke decent English. He told me about some of his work in Dalit villages and explained the general struggle of the caste system in India. Every one of the leaders was very open to sharing their stories with me. I have a feeling that this will be a common occurrence during my time here.

1/8/12

Today I was woken up by two young girls. They poked their heads in my room and kept repeating the word food. I got dressed and then went outside where I found more than a dozen children watch as an older woman handed me a plate of food. They watched carefully as I ate my breakfast. Most of the children come from very poor families and because of different circumstances dropped out of school or never even attended school in the first place. Fatima and her team work in thousands of villages and have found these kids and have convinced their parents to let them live at the center where they get a safe place to sleep, three meals a day, and a great education. The school is right at the center. One of the school teachers lives with the children. The center fosters a community like feeling that helps the children learn the value of education and how fun it can be. I spent the morning playing with the children. None of them speak English so I had to figure out other ways to communicate. I taught them games and songs and dances and they did the

same for me. It definitely got easier to communicate after a while, however I can tell that one of the biggest barriers I will encounter here is the language barrier. In the afternoon I drove with Fatima, Vimala, Chandran, Ganessan, and the driver Mohan to Chennai for a book fair. When I think of a book fair, I think of the small gym sized book fairs my high school had. This book fair was ginormous. There must have been hundreds of book vendors there and thousands and thousands of people. It was crazy. Most of the books are in Tamil and are very cheap. Vimala, Fatima’s right hand woman told be about the Sri Lankan issue while we were walking around the fair. Apparently the Sri Lankan government killed hundreds of Tamil people that live in Sri Lanka. Basically, the government is committing a small-scale genocide. It blows my mind how something like that has never reached my ears before. On the way home from the book fair, we witnessed an accident between two two-wheelers on the road. We pulled over to help out. Both of the victims were men. Fatima said that they were both “fully drunk.” They were unconscious when we left. An ambulance was on its way. I guess America is not the only country that struggles with a drinking and driving problem.

1/9/12

I awoke to the sound of children and roosters this morning. I played with the children until they went to school. They love the Hoky Poky and Ring Around the Rosie. I spent most of the day at another one of SRED’s centers in the village of Palavoy. I was greeted at the center by around 25 woman who pinned flowers in my hair and gave me endless smiles and handshakes. These were mostly women from the Tailoring and Embroidery Unite of SRED. We all sat under a pavilion. They introduced themselves to me and told me what their role in SRED was. Then they showed me all of the products that they made. I am going to help make a catalogue so they can better advertise everything they are capable of making. Then some of the women showed me the other projects they as a unit undertake. The first is the sanitary napkins project. A grant was given to SRED for these special machines that help make sanitary napkins. All of the women are trained on the machines and produce napkins for many of the schools in the area with young girls. The napkins are also given to many villagers as well as sold in the market. The women also showed me their paper cup making project. Another grant was given for the women to purchase machines to make paper cups, which are produced and then sold to stores in Chennai mostly. It was incredible to see all of these empowered women taking initiative to change their lives and the lives of their fellow villagers. I feel like today I really got to see Fatima in her element. She commands her women well and they all of such a great level of respect for her.

1/10/11

Five days before I went to India Cyclone Thane hit the southeastern side of India. The cyclone killed around 40 people and left extensive damage in areas that were still recovering from the tsunami. The damage was mostly a little bit north of where I was staying but was still affecting many of the villages in which Fatima does

her work. Today I spent the day traveling to the affected area. SRED gathered donations and was able to get enough money in order to provide one tribal village made up of 23 families with rice, dahl, and cooking oil. First Magi (one of Fatima’s main women who speaks decent English and has a contagious laugh) and I went to the village to survey the damage and talk to the people. The damage was extensive. Many of the huts and structures that they lived in were completely destroyed. The power lines were down. The village hadn’t had electricity in almost two weeks. There were trees down everywhere – a few in the middle of the road. The community was struggling in providing enough food for their families because the little income that they did make in some agricultural work was diminished when the cyclone came and destroyed the area. I took many pictures of what I saw there. After surveying the damage and talking with the people for a while, we distributed the food. The community was incredible thankful. The food that we gave them will help them get through the next few weeks as they start to rebuild their shelters and find income again. It will make a real impact.

I met one young man and young woman while I was there who were just a little bit older than me. The man was leaving to get his masters in pharmacy very soon, but felt obliged to spend as much time at home with his family before he left. The young woman just got her bachelors in chemistry. They both spoke excellent English. They were clearly the exceptions in the village. Many of the children didn’t make it past primary school. And even though they both were very well educated, they still decided to come back to their village and family. I don’t know why, but it left me feeling weird and a little sad. I liked them both very much.

We visited a few more villages along the coast. I went and stood in the ocean and looked around at all the damage on the coast. There are fishing boats that are completely destroyed with trees on top of them. We talked to some fishers for a while that told us that they are really struggling because most of their gear and boats are unusable. It felt like such a contradiction because the beach and ocean was so beautiful but the destruction all around the coast was extreme.

A Dalit leader (who’s name I just couldn’t understand) joined us for the distribution of the food. I spent a long time talking with him. He told me a lot about the Dalit struggle. One thing that I found most interesting is that Gandhi is a very controversial figure in Dalit politics. Gandhi did not support the struggle of the Dalits. All of his initiatives and campaigns benefited largely only the Brahmin (the highest caste). Ambedkar (the legendary Dalit leader) went to visit Gandhi during his hunger strike and appealed to him to restructure the way he was approaching his activism. Gandhi didn’t listen to Ambedkar and has made the cause of the Dalit that much more difficult. It is crazy that a huge internationally recognized figure of peace and human rights was also at the same time marginalizing another group of extremely poor people. It makes me a little uneasy. I fear that this might be an example of a larger discourse an activism. Maybe all activism is really a part of a double edged sword. While you help some people, you also will hurt another group of people. I don’t know.

On the way home, Magi explained in some more detail all of the things that SRED and Fatima does. I worked for Fatima for an entire semester and she failed to tell me SO much of what she does. She founded SRED in 1979 and since then has led

the charge in 15 movements – 3 state and national movements and 12 local movements. When I say movements, I mean specific issues targeting a specific group of people for example the sex worker movement, the rural women movement, the tribal (or irula which is the more correct term) movement, and the mathamma movement. SRED calls them movements because the goal is to mobilize the people affected by these issues to speak up for their rights and pressure the government to give them the rights that are written for them in the constitution. SRED is a very people focused empowerment organization that focuses on putting power in the people’s hands and holding the government responsible for maintaining a true democracy. The more Magi told me the more I was blown away by the change Fatima has made in Tamil Nadu and India in general. Even though I visited her office everyday and felt like I learned a lot about her and her work, she only told me the tip of the iceberg.

1/11/12

Today I spent the day at the other SRED center at Palavoy with the entire SRED team. The all introduced themselves to me and explained their roles in SRED. The way it works is that each of the 15 movements has a coordinator. After the coordinator there are one or two other leaders and one secretary like person. The coordinator and leaders help set up smaller leadership structures in each village they work in. The meeting today was a meeting of all of the coordinators and some of the leaders. They talked about a lot of business related stuff – most of which was in Tamil so I didn’t understand. And then they all sat down and planned the rest of my program for my stay here. The meeting was very long but I really enjoyed getting to know the SRED staff.

I spent the rest of the night with the children. We did many rounds of the hokey poky. The taught me some of their own dances and songs. The kept making me sing English songs. I felt sorry for them because my voice is not very pleasant to listen to, but they kept insisting that I sing. I had dinner with the young school teacher who lives at the center with the children. Her name is Preethi and she is 20 years old. She is very shy, but sweet. I think we will become good friends once she is more comfortable with me. After dinner Preethi asked if I would help some of the older kids with English. So I sat down with one boy named Meganathan and asked him questions in English and taught him how to respond. Other children joined in. I’m not sure how effective I was at a teacher, but I think the kids had a good time.

1/12/12

Today I spent the morning in the office with Fatima, Vimala, and Sarass. I helped edit a report on the cyclone for Fatima. The report was for a grant from an organization in Germany for more money for relief for the people on the coast. I then set up a wordress website for SRED, which is very exciting. They have never had a website before. I got the basics set up and then started training Vimala and Sarass on how to use it. In the afternoon Fatima took me to visit a group of Nomads in the area. The Nomads looked very different from other people in the area. They

are much dirtier and where different clothing. The men mostly hunt small birds and sell them in the market. The women make beads and then sell them in the village. Most of the children don’t go to school. SRED has employed two teachers to work with the Nomad children. I got to meet both of them. They told me that they spend most of their time teaching the children basic skills of life – not education. Nomads are an interesting case when talking about human rights. Many times they actively choose to give up certain rights such as the right to shelter and an education because they would rather be free. So in a way trying to provide them with their rights takes away some of their rights. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Maybe its just my Western bias creeping in, but I do believe that every child should have the right to an education. But the Nomads seemed happy and content, so maybe I am wrong.

1/13/12

I spent the first part of the morning with the children, who I am growing to love quite dearly. Then I gave a long English to some of the SRED workers who mostly speak limited English. I started off with some basic phrases and questions and then helped each of them construct an explanation in English of their role in SRED and the movement they are in charge of. By the end of the class, I feel like I learned SO much more about what SRED does and the magnitude to which it reaches across southern India. I also think that I become closer to many of the workers who each have their own stories with how and why they became involved with SRED.

In the afternoon Gracy (another one of Fatima’s women who speaks pretty good English) took me to an Irula (tribal) village. Instead of the car, we took public transportation. First we can in a share auto which is a small yellow three wheel car. I’m pretty sure there should be a max of 4, maybe 5, people in these autos. However, somehow we managed to fit 10 people in this little auto. Crazy. Then we got on a bus in town. The buses are crazy crowded. There were no seats open and people flooding the isle. Some man was basically sitting on top of me the entire way. It was very different from public transportation here. At the next bus stop, we had to wait for a bus for about 20 minutes. Within those twenty minutes around 30 or 40 school children and a few other older women had gathered around me. Most of them were just staring at me. A few touched my arms. Some of the older children tried to talk with me in English. When I motioned that I was leaving, they immediately stuck their hands out and I shook all of them. In the bus, a group of school girls stared at me the entire way. It doesn’t bother me that people stare at me here. Sarina, my best friend at school who has been to India and has family there, warned me that this would happen and she was right. What does bother me is that the color of my skin gives me some sort of celebrity status here. It makes me uncomfortable that people go out of their way to give me things and make sure I am comfortable. Even though I am a guest, I know I get even more special treatment because of my skin. I shouldn’t. I am here to serve these people and learn about grassroot organizing. I have never been more aware of my race. But I guess I’ve

never been in a situation where I was the only white person in a room, much less an entire village. It is interesting and educational and I’m glad I’m thinking about it.

We were warmly welcomed at the Irula village. We all sat down and the leaders of the village told me about their struggles and how the movement has helped them. Basically, the tribal community is not recognized by the government. I would argue that they are much worse off than the Dalit community. The movement came to this very poor village and helped mobilize them to petition the government for family cards, which allow them to get a certain amount of free rations at the ration shop. This is essential for their livelihood. The village has also petitioned the government for a community certificate which gives them more benefits under the law. The village is still very poor, but it is clear that the movement has greatly improved their lives through these small measures.

1/14/12

Today I spent the day with Fatima and her 9 year old niece Venassa. We went swimming at a country club. There was nobody there. Fatima is so interesting. Indian women do not go swimming, but Fatima is all about challenging gender roles. We had a very nice lunch and I had an excellent day. I really enjoy Venassa. She is a smart and sassy girl who is too charming for her own good. Fatima is definitely in the upper class of the Dalit caste. She has the money to do these luxurious things. She has a driver for SRED and for personal matters and she has a woman named Rajama who does all of the cooking and cleaning in her house. It makes sense because she has been so successful. But it is a good reminder that even within a marginalized people group there is still a hierarchy. I spent the rest of the day with Fatima and Venassa. One of Fatima’s brothers and sisters in law came to visit. They were very nice. Then Fatima’s sister Lily and her daughter Hanna (Venassa’s sister) came to stay for the night. I stayed with them because the children had gone home to their own villages for the Pongul festival.

1/15/12

Today I spent the morning with Fatima and her family. Then Gracy took me to another village for the Pongul festival. The Pongul festival is an annual festival that happens for four days every January. The festival is celebrated by all of the people in the state of Tamil Nadu in order to give thanks for the harvest. It is sort of like a four day long Thanksgiving. I went to the village where Uma, one of the Mathamma movement leaders, lives. When we arrived we went to Uma’s small house and I got to meet her daughter Jennifer who is a very beautiful and bright 15 year old studying in the 11th standard and wants to be a doctor. Uma took us to the village center where there was extremely large music playing. A pot of sweet pongul was being cooked in a traditional mud pot. There were children dancing and singing. It was a very joyful sight to look like. They gave me some sweet pongul, which was very good and somehow convinced me to dance with them.

After that I walked around with Uma and Gracy. There are 16 Mathammas who live in Uma’s village. They took me to meet Devi the main leader of the

Mathamma movement. She is a Mathamma herself. She showed me the meal she had made for the Mathamma Goddess. I am a little puzzled to why she worships a goddess who has caused her so much pain and humiliation. But I think that I am just incapable of understanding how Hinduism works because I don’t know very much about it and inevitably I wear a Western blindfold. Devi and Uma took me to visit a Mathamma temple and told me some of the struggles of the Mathamma girls in the village. Whenever Devi and the movement go to the government and say that there are 16 Mathammas in the village that need housing and ration cards, the youth of the village tell the police that there are no Mathammas there. I am unsure why the youth of the village are working against the Mathamma movement. In fact the entire Mathamma issue confuses me entirely. I find it so hard to understand how the practice continues even when women learn about their rights. I guess it is proof of the hold religion can have on a society. I don’t know. After the village visit I went back to Fatima’s house for the night.

1/16/12

Today I spend the entire day ill. I think I must have eaten something in the village yesterday that messed with my system. I woke up in the middle of the night throwing up and have been in bed with a fever all day. I knew I was bound to get sick at least once. Oh well.

1/17/12

Today Fatima took Lily (her sister), Venassa, and me to Chennai to visit some tourist sites. First we went to the Mount of Saint Thomas who was one of the 12 disciples. Chennai is one of three other places in the world that is home to a known body of a disciple. Saint Thomas came to India for twenty or thirty years doing missions work. He is said to have first introduced Christianity to many parts of India. He died in Chennai. The Saint Thomas shrine was beautiful. It was on top of a big hill and you could see all of Chennai. There were many tourists there. I sat in on a Catholic Church in Tamil which was interesting to watch. I have really only seen Hinduism in action during my time here. It was nice to see a different type of religion, even though Christianity constitutes only a small percentage of the population in India. We also visited the Santhom which is where Saint Thomas’s actual body is. After that we dropped Lily and Venassa off at their house in Chennai and then went back home to Fatima’s.

1/18/12

Today I spent the morning at the Kalluru Center helping Fatima with some editing. Then Magi, Gracy, Chandron, and Mohun took me to a huge Hindu temple. It was enormous and so beautiful. We walked around for a while. I took many pictures. A few groups of shirtless Indian men visiting the temple to pray asked to take pictures with me too, which is so funny. Hinduism is such an interesting religion. It seems so primal to me. The gods are so crazy and alien looking. And it

seems to man created to me. All of the temples and gods are built by men. But once again, this is probably just something I can’t understand because of the conservative Christian community I grew up in. Despite what I think, Hinduism is dominant here. People dress it, decorate their houses with it, eat according to its laws, and set up all aspects of their lives according to the religion. In very poor villages, the one building that is well kept is the temple. I don’t know very much about Hinduism except that it was many many gods – each village has its own good. And I know that it reinforces the caste system. A lot of Dalits and Mathammas are converting to Christianity and Islam because they see that conversion is their only real way to truly free themselves from the caste system. They have to truly believe that they are not below anyone else before they can attempt to improve their status in society.

After the temple, we went to a Dalit village. This was a very successful village in the movement. I sat down with some of the women and listened to their stories. The struggle started when one of the women got married and all of her relatives came to town and freely took water from the common pond in the village. Dalits were not allowed to directly get water from the pond because they were considered untouchable. Another caste person would have to get the water for them. So when the Dalit relatives directly took the water this angered the other caste members of the village. The upper caste men came to the Dalit part of the village and beat up many of the Dalit women. They all showed me their scars. The other caste people would not let them use the common pond, the temple, the burial site and took much of their land. The women joined the movement though and took their problems to the government. Their village became internationally renown for its advocacy. The government closed down the temple and said that they would only unlock it when the two communities cooperated with each other. The government also gave separate water and burial grounds and gave many of the Dalit grants and loans for better housing and land. The community still has many struggles and remains very poor but they serve as evidence that joining the movement and standing up for your own rights as a collective group can yield great success.

After the village I came back to the Kallaru Center. Colene who is a Colby student doing research in Chennai for her senior thesis on organ trafficking was staying at the center for the night doing some interviews in town. It was nice to catch up with her.

1/19/12

I’m going to miss the sunsets in India. They are the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen and they happen every night. I look forward to 6:00pm every night because of the breathtaking beauty of the sunset.

I spent the morning at Kallaru. I gave another English lesson to the workers and had such a great time. I think they are finally learning how to describe their role in SRED in English. I also helped out with some office tasks. Then in the afternoon, Magi, Revidee, Colene, Padma, and I went to do some doctor visits for Colene’s research. She interviewed the doctors on their views on organ trafficking and the laws surrounding organ donation. It was very interesting. Sarina would be so interested. After that, Colene and Padma left.

Magi then took be to another Dalit village. This was another very successful village in the movement. These people were subjected to many caste abuse and were very poor with few basic amenities. After the movement came they petitioned the government and received a separate ration shop, burial ground, and water tank. They are now asking for a separate bus stop because when they wait for the bus, the bus stand is in the upper caste part of the village and they are not allowed to sit or stand under the stop. One major thing that I have been noticing is that the answer to the problem is often to ask for separate resources. I wonder how much change this brings to the social thinking of the culture. It is clear that having a separate ration shop and water tank makes it much easier to satisfy the basic needs of these people which is of prime importance. But does making everything separate change this culture of discrimination or just eliminate the immediate sphere in which the discrimination takes place. At the end of the day the other caste people have more money and have better jobs. In the U.S. the civil rights movement campaigned for an end to separate facilities. It seems to be the opposite here. In the short run having separate resources clearly leaves a great impact on the livelihood of these people, but in the long run is this caste mentality changing because of it?

After we left the village, we went to the outside of a nearby large temple and picked up a few sex workers. We then drove to a small house close by. We did this because if the police suspected we were having a meeting with sex workers they would arrest all of them. In this small house, I was traditionally invited in the home by the owner shaking a pan of red pepper water and putting a dab on my forehead and then pouring the water on the cement in front of the doorway. We then proceeded to sit down with about 19 sex workers ranging in age. The leader of the movement started speaking first and told me her story. Over 35 years ago her husband hung himself. He did this when she had two small children. She ended up getting another boyfriend. However the man she was dating was bad news. One day he sold her into a brothel. She was never allowed to leave the brothel and was forced to cater to the “needs” of customers everyday. One day – probably because of her age – the owner gave her 1000 rupees (roughly 20 dollars) and told her to leave the brothel. She went back to her village. Her family was furious that she returned. Her brother beat her up and told her that she was never to come back to the village again because she was a sex worker. She ended up coming to the temple area because there were many men looking for sex there. She had two small children and no means to support herself. She had no education and no skill training and a stigma as a sex worker that prevented her from getting any sort of job. She didn’t have a house or any income. So she said that she did the only thing she knew how to do. She worked as a sex worker in order to support herself and her two children. When the movement came she got another job selling flowers in town and took charge organizing other sex workers to educate them on their rights and build a constituency that the government would have to listen to. Her story was so sad but she was such a strong woman.

We spent the rest of the time answering questions that I had and talking about what the movement was doing. Most of the workers became sex workers because their husbands died and left them no money. Many of them had children and no other means to support themselves. Many of them spent much of the small

amount of money they earn to buy alcohol in order to make the sex less painful. Most of them are extremely poor and have children to care for. About 45 of the 3200 of the workers in the movement have HIV/AIDS and 5 of their children do. Magi says that they live in one of the worst conditions of the people that RED works with. After the movement came, it helped some of them get small jobs selling flowers, fruit, bangles, and baskets in town as an alternative to sex work. However many of them are still sex workers. The movement is currently petitioning the government to get them land for a house. Once they have a permanent address, they are eligible for family and ration cards. These things will help them greatly and could act as a platform to get them out of sex work. After talking until it was dark outside, we all hugged and said goodbye. They were so grateful for my presence and showed me an attachment that was much deeper than the color of my skin. This meeting showed me the power of just listening to someone’s story. Many of those woman have lives that are so much harder than I could ever comprehend. There is not much I could do to help them right now. But by showing them that I cared and listening to their story – a story that they don’t get to tell many people – I truly felt like I made an impact on their lives. It was a very hard meeting to sit through but I’m so glad that I did.

1/20/12

Today Fatima took me to a Mathamma meeting at the Palavoy center. I spent the first part of the meeting photographing all of the products and taking pictures of the women in action – sewing and making sanitary napkins and paper cups. I am going to use them to help make a catalogue for Fatima’s tailoring unit women before I leave. Then I sat in on the rest of the Mathamma meeting. There were all ages there including some very young children. They sang and danced and played games for a while and then they sat down in a circle and talked about their problems. I didn’t understand much of it because I didn’t have a translator but I could tell that it was hard on all of them. Their bodies basically have no rights and they are dedicated to this Goddess for life. It is heartbreaking. After the meeting I came back and did some office work with Vimala. I can’t believe I go home in a week and I don’t think I’m ready. But maybe I will be in a week. Probably not.

1/21/12

I’ve realized something being here – well actually I’ve realized a lot – but one of the main things I have learned is the power of grassroots organizing. One of the main things I was excited to see here in India is how a true grassroots human rights organization operates. I have been nothing but impressed with SRED. Even though they lack a lot of technology skills that could amplify their efforts and funding is often short, SRED knows how to mobilize and empower people. Sometimes SRED gives aid, but mostly the workers work on empowering the people to fight for their rights and join an organized movement of people rallying for a better livelihood. I have only ever seen how a U.S. based human rights NGO operates and I’m pretty sure that none of the Western based NGO’s I know could do the job that SRED is

doing here. They know the people and understand the culture and have a direct connection that quite frankly Westerners will never have especially when they are doing all of their advocacy on the other side of the world.

Today Magi and Mohen took me to a tourist site on the coast. The site was a bunch of old Hindu temples from like 4 BC. They were incredible. Hinduism is a very material heavy religion but it is also very beautiful to look at. I really like Magi. She is a strong woman who is very committed to tis cause. And she has a wonderful sense of humor. And Mohen is just a big joker. Even though he speaks very little English we are becoming very good friends. When at the tourist sites we went down to the beach. I put my feet in the water. I love the ocean. There is something so beautiful and peaceful while at the same time terrifying and chaotic. It is a contradiction and anthropologists love contradictions.

1/22/12

Today I slept in for the first time on the entire trip. So nice! Magi took be on her two wheeler (!) to a nearby Irula (Tribal Village). We sat down and talked with the two Irula movement leaders for a while. The main thing that the movement was doing there was petitioning the government for family cards and better housing. So far the government has come through for 45 of the 300 families. Most of the people in the village work making bricks. And when I say most people I mean the women and children too. Most of the children don’t go to school because they have to stay home and help make the bricks. They showed me around the brick making area and then showed me how to make a brick. It is a very laborious job and must be extremely hard on your body. The family get’s paid 400 rupees for every 1000 bricks made. One of the leaders told me that it takes roughly 2 days to make 1000 ricks – 2 days with very long hours. 400 rupees roughly translates into around 8 dollars – which is less than I make in one hour at Colby. The poverty in the village was extreme and the lack of education for the children is heartbreaking. They were lovely children. They held my hand and walked alongside me the entire way. Fatima said that there is only so much they can do for these people because the poverty is so extreme. The first step is getting a family card, which gives you access to the ration shop and the other government benefits. Many of these people don’t have one because they are Irulas and are therefore not recognized by the government.

I spent the rest of the day with the children. I taught two of the older girls – Meena and Vivitha - English for a while and then played games and watched TV with the smaller ones. They all tried to teach me Tamil, which is a beautiful language both spoken and written but is incredibly difficult. It has like 250 characters!

1/23/12

Today I spent the day at Kallaru working with Sarass on the catalongue for the tailoring unit. She is a very fast learner but it is in general a long and tedious process that took all day. I went to Fatima’s house for a nice dinner with her and her mother. I spent the rest of the night with Preethi and the older children working on

English. The children are becoming the highlight of my days here. I’m growing far too attached to all of them and know that saying goodbye is going to be very hard.

1/24/12

I’m not ready to leave this place. For a while I was afraid that I wouldn’t be ready to face Colby. While that is still true, the more important problem is that I love it here and don’t want to leave. Yesterday in the car I was thinking about saying goodbye and for the first time in a long time I felt that panicky sad feeling in my heart. I love it here. I love being with Fatima and her family. I love playing with the children and teaching them English. I love having dinner with Preethi every night. I love teaching the women in the office about pictures and web stuff and watching them understand and do it on their own. I love visiting the villages and hearing the hard stories of the people and then hearing what the movement is going to overcome their problems. I love the food. I love watching the sunset set fire to the sky every night. I love talking with the women and forming friendships through language barriers. I love singing with the children. I love watching my 9:00pm movie with my cup of tea every night. I love my hot shower in the morning. I love waking up to the sound of playing children and roosters. I even love this hard bed and all of the crazy dreams I have on it. I love waving at the children 100 times a day. I love eating with my hands. I love playing with Puppy at Fatima’s house. I love reading my book while I eat my breakfast. I love meting all of the amazing empowering people Fatima knows. I’ve made a home for myself here. I was so nervous about coming here. It felt so casual and unimportant. Maybe I casually came here but I am sure not casually going home. It is going to be hard on my heart. I can already feel it. I will never forget the stories I heard here. I will never forget the faces of all of the children. I will never forget the drive of all of the women. And I will never forget the love I have found so abundantly here.

Today Fatima took me to a meeting of Dalit and Tribal leaders from the 3 districts that SRED works in. I didn’t understand most of the meeting because it was in Tamil, but Sarass did translate much of it. Apparently after I left the tribal brick making village the other day the government came and cut down the electricity lines. They claimed that the village was getting electricity for free because of the work of the previous chief minister of the state and that they could no longer do this. In order for them to get electricity back, the village families have to pay a large amount of money each month (2,500 rupees), which they simply can’t afford. The leaders spent a long time talking about this and how to approach it.

I spent the rest of the day and night with the children. I sat in the office with Preethi and Sangeetha, the two school teachers who are my age, talking for a while. They are very sweet girls and I finally feel like we are becoming real friends. I asked them both if they had boyfriends. They both accused each other of having boyfriends – which I’m assumer are just little crushes. It felt like three girls laughing and giggling about boys. After we joked around for a while, Preethi told me that she will be married next year in an arranged marriage where her parents will pick the boy for her. She won’t get any say in it. I asked her how that made her feel and she skirted around my question. Sangeetha said she won’t have an arranged marriage

but that Jesus will lead her to the boy she is supposed to be with if it is His will for her to be married. Both of them are strong Christians. Sangeetha is the exception in Indian society. Most marriages, like Preethi’s, are arranged. This makes me sad. I feel like this is just one of the other ways in which I am privileged as a Westerner. I will get to marry somebody I love because I have that freedom. But once again, maybe this is just my Western mindset getting in the way per usual.

Preethi showed me her classroom and talked me through the lessons and activities she does with the kids. Preethi and I had dinner together. I think she gets lonely staying by herself at the center. The children make good company and I can tell she loves them very much, but she still seem s a little sad. We spent the rest of the time with the children. I sang a lot. I’ve always thought of myself as a terrible singer, but the more I sing by myself the more I enjoy it. Maybe I’m not as bad as I thought. Or maybe I am and the children are lying when the say they like my voice. Who knows. They taught me some Tamil songs and words. I then told them the Bible Story of Noah’s Ark. Preethi translated. All of them, except for Meganathan, come from Hindu families but they all seem to love Christianity. They pray every day in the morning, love Christian songs, and love Bible stories. It’s very interesting. Meganathon sat by me the entire time. He is a sweet boy with great leadership qualities and will grow up to be a good Indian man. The only obstacle for him is that his family is very poor and illiterate. He doesn’t even know when his birthday is. He will have to do it by himself and that is a hard thing to do. A little girl named Meenatchi sat on the other side of me. She tried to teach me Tamil for a while and declared me her sister. I love the children very much.

1/25/11

Today Fatima took me to Chennai for a regional workshop called “Implementing Women Friendly Laws.” I thought that most of the program was relatively boring with too many numbers and text heavy powerpoints with little focus on people actually on the ground. I did enjoy comparing the chaos and lack of organization to the chaos of similar organization back in the states. Some interesting things thought regarding child marriage and Hindu culture. A big argument against child marriage campaigns is the culture argument. Many people claim, “ We can’t change this – it is our culture!” How do you overcome this? We know that there is an injustice at hand but how do you solve it within a respectable cultural context? An anthropological dilemma, I suppose. Another interesting though concerns rape. Many of the women at the conference were talking about alws protecting women from domestic violence and rape. Some were either talking about the need for rape kits and rural mobile clinics. But Fatima said that the real problem is not the law or clinics but the fact that women simply don’t report rape because they are so ashamed. This comes back to a culturally specific attitude towards sex and conservatism. The key is education and the more I read and see here in India the more I believe that the first step must be education. Without it, everything else falls apart. Spent the rest of the night with Preethi and the children.

1/26/12

Today is Indian Republic Day. 63 Years ago today India’s free government was formed. For the morning, the children had a flag raising program that was so much fun to watch. All of the children were in uniform and had flags pinned to them and flowers in their hair. There was singing and saluting. I took many pictures and enjoyed watching the children be so happy. I spent most of the day with Sarass in the office. We almost finished the catalogue which is such an accomplishment. I spent the rest of the time training her on the website. She finally got it and was so happy. I think her and I are becoming real friends. Her English is spotty but we understand each other and talked a lot today. She is a very right young woman who learns very fast. After that, Fatima, Venassa, and her older sister picked me up and we went to visit her brother in Chennai because it is his daughter, Cathy’s 17th birthday. We had a nice big dinner that was spicy but delicious. Cathy is a very sweet girl. Her brother Vijay who is my age is very shy. I enjoy meeting all of Fatima’s family. They are all very kind and friendly. I feel at home with them as if I could be a part of the family.

1/27/12

I’m getting sadder and sadder about leaving. I think I have to come back next January. It is going to be the hardest to leave the children. I love them all so much and am spending every last second that I can with them. I think it is the hardest because I know that the odds of me ever seeing them again is slim and after that bonds that we made that is hard on my heart.

Today was a special day. I woke up and finished the catalogue with Sarass, which is very exciting! Today was a special meeting for the Mathamma movement. The money that had been donated by the Rotary Club in Maine was used to buy fruits and vegetables and fish for the Mathammas to sell in their village to make a profit which the will then use to buy more goods to sell in their villages. The morning was filled with powerful speaker from the movement and other Dalit leaders. The meeting will be on the news later tonight, which is so cool. A local government figure came and gave a talk that was very well received. He promised to make the Mathamma issue a higher priority in his work. Then the good were distributed out to the Mathamma women. I got to hand out a basket! After lunch was the cultural program. There was a bunch of street theater and singing. I LOVED the street theater. It was so similar to the forum theater I did at Colby with Dalit issues, which is so cool to see how connected they actually were. Then there was a lot of dancing. The children joined in and pulled me into the dance with them and some of the women. I had such a good time. So much joy!

After the meeting was over, the staff and coordinators of SRED sat down and conducted an evaluation of my stay there. They went through day by day my stay there and what I accomplished. It was all in Tami so I’m not sure what all was said. After the evaluation, Shanthi stood up and honored me with a beautiful green shall for finishing the catalogue. Then they gave me a present of a beautiful embroidered shirt. I feel so honored and blessed to have gotten so close to these people. After that I said a few comments about my stay there. Don’t now if I accurately summed

it up. I had so much to say. I truly believe in the ultimate power of grassroots organizing after my stay here. These people are making true progressive change while still respecting cultural values. The meeting was a beautiful end to my stay here. I got a picture with all of the workers and feel like my time with them came to a happy end despite how sad I am to leave.

I ate dinner at Fatima’s house and then took an auto back to the center with Rajamma. On the way we stopped at Sangeetha’s house to say hello. I met her family, who are all so sweet. I spent the rest of the night with the children. Some of the girls dressed up in saris and we all danced around. I don’t know what it is about these kids but they have touched my heart. Maybe it is that I just love children, but it feels different. I feel protective of them and my heart drops when I think about leaving.

1/28/12

Today I woke up and spent some time with Sangeetha, Preethi, and the children. They showed me their daily morning prayer routine. I’m pretty sure that part of this education might be an active effort to convert these kids to Christianity. Then I went swimming with Fatima and Venassa. Sarass came and watched. After that I came back and helped Sarass with some editing and picture stuff. After that I spent some time talking with Sangeetha and the children. She told me that she is taking an exam to hopefully be placed in a government job where she will oversee a bunch of schools. She said that around 76,000 people take the test, but only 32 people get the position. I told her she must write when she finds out!

I spent the rest of the night with the children. I did the hoky poky with a bunch of the children and the girls dressed up in saris again. I talked with Preethi for a long time while the children were eating. She told me this situation of some of the children. Meganathan and Magesh come from very poor families and are slow learners so their teachers beat them. They dropped out of school. Mala and her sister, Sonia, lived too far away from the nearest school to attend. Vivitha had to stay home and drop out of school because she had to take care of her father he was ill with leukemia. Renaka and Kavia’s parents were both beggars and couldn’t afford to send their children to school. Meenatchi and her sister belong to the Irula community who in this case are largely migratory workers. Two months ago her father committed suicide. She never went to school before this. Meena, who is incredibly bright, belonged to a very poor family that could not afford to send her to school. Vijay also belonged to a very poor family. He ran away from school because he didn’t like it. Sylvan also belonged to a very poor family and has a heart condition. A few of the girls parents had separated and their mothers had remarried. This made their family reject them because they were offspring of the other father. Mauri was addicted to some sort of drugs and was unable to attend school. All of the children are in some way drop out children. They come from very different and very hard situations. Preethi says that many of them are still very slow learners. After that I sat with Preethi and some of the other children in the downstairs hall. Magesh, Mauri, and Karthi were making rythms and songs with their hands on the table. They were so talented – especially Magesh. Preethi said

that he is a slow learner but is very talented at music. And Karthi was such an excellent little dancer. I really enjoyed watching them, but it also made me a little sad. The truth of the matter is that they will never have the chance to pursue what they love to do. If I was as talented as them I would have the opportunity to pursue that in the states. But they don’t have that opportunity. I don’t know. It just made me a little sad.

1/29/12Tonight is my last night in India. I think I’ve spent today mentally preparing

to say goodbye. I went up to Chennai today to see Sarina’s mom, grandmother, brother, and sister in law. It felt sort of like a transition back into America. They lived in a very upscale apartment in Chennai and we talked about American things. I could feel how different my mentality was with them that it has been for the last month. I wish I could stay longer and it’s going to be hard to say goodbye but I’m going to do it and I’m going to make it meaningful. I wrote letters to Preethi, Sangeetha, the children, the SRED workers, and Fatima. I want these people to remember me because I will always remember them. India has left an impact on my heart. I’ve seen so many hard things here but for all of the heartbreaking stories I have heard I’ve seen just as many stories of hope and agency. I haven’t nearly processed everything yet and I don’t’ think I will for a while. I do know that India has helped me. It has helped me break out of the numbness that last semester left in my heart. It has made me feel free and happy and has motivated me to make the choice to be that way. I have this theory that if you make a conscious choice about something in your mind you can make it a reality. I don’t want to make Colby the enemy anymore. I want to continue to challenge it and push it to be a better place, but I can’t let myself fall back into the hell of last semester. I just can’t.

Going back to Colby is going to be a culture shock and I know I’m going t miss my mentality and the atmosphere here very much. I’m probably going to be overwhelmed by the wealth of Colby and the mentality that dominates there. But I don’t want to hate it anymore. Colby is in itself a culture, just like Tamil Nadu and all of these individual villages here. Even though I love the freeness and beauty I have found here I have also seen a lot of hate and ugliness and brokenness embedded into this culture. Colby is the same way. I want to embrace that ad love it for its good things but not hate it for its bad things. I want to be the person I was here. I want to be free and happy and inspired and kind and loving. I may be faced with many challenges there and I may want to convert to the person I was last semester but I wont let myself. I’m so lucky to have the opportunities I have and I can truly make a change in this world somehow but I can’t do it in the state I was last semester. If I can bring the mentality I have here back to Colby, not only will I be happier, but my grades will improve and I will be more successful in my activism efforts.

Even though I may be living half way across the world, I know that I now have a home here in India and I feel so blessed to call the people I have met here my friends.