8 ways to shut down your inner critic

8/12/2019 8 Ways to Shut Down Your Inner Critic

1/3

Published on Alternet(http://www.alternet.org)

Home > 8 Ways to Shut Down Your Inner Critic

xojane [1]/ ByClaire Hannum [2]

8 Ways to Shut Down Your Inner Critic

May 17, 2014 |Whether we notice it or not, we all face the occasional visit of a nagging voice inside our heads thatquestions whether were good enough. You know the one it turns up when youre face to face with yourex, putting yourself out there creatively or just looking at yourself in the mirror. That little inner critic canbecome our own worst enemy and even hold us back from pursuing the things that would make us happiest.The negative running dialogue in our head can sound like came from a bratty girl in a middle school cafeteria only it never left. Where the hell does it come from?As Eckhart Tolle would say, we are not our minds. According to him, ego (hi, inner critic) is identifyingyourself solely with your thoughts, which includes the stories youve been told about what kind of person youare, the expectations you felt as a kid, and a whole other slew of emotional stuff thats not so much areflection of you, but rather of your circumstances. Our minds take these things and run with them, crafting a

story about everything thats wrong with us and creating a giant mass of fears that can keep us paralyzed.On one level, ego is theoretically about using knowledge from past experiences to keep us safe, but we dontneed our lives saved all that often, so in the meantime keeps itself busy making up stories about howallegedly flawed we are.Others of a more scientific camp would keep it simple and say that the strongest inner critics came frominternalized messages from our families, friends and the media. Growing up in a family with high expectationsor being compared to others a lot as a kid makes it more likely for inner critic to be loud.There have been phases in my life when Ive felt like I was pretty awesome at ignoring my inner critic or thatId somehow conquered it, and there have been other times when it has totally edged its way into thecenter of my mind. These days, Ive found that my critic works in a more secretive way, seeping

subconsciously into my thoughts without me noticing and subtly creating sabotage.So if this is something were all plagued with now and then, how do we get rid of it? I feel like its pretty safeto assume that it will never magically disappear, no matter how successful we are or no matter how mucholder we get. Here are some tips from the pros on how to combat your inner critic try out whichever onesresonate with you.1. Find out whose voice it is.According to therapist and life coach Jodie Gale, people often mistake our inner critic for our true selves, butthat it couldnt be more further from the truth. Our true self doesnt have such a capacity for self-inflictedcruelty. Next time that voice in your head shows up, consider who it sounds like. It could be coming from yourhigh school choir director who told you that youd never make it in 10th grade, or it could be your aunt with

her endless snarky comments about your eating habits. Being aware of this makes it much easier to brush itoff.2. Thanks for sharing.Marie Forleo, one of my favorite people ever, has said that the definitive way to get past feelings of

ays to Shut Down Your Inner Critic http://www.alternet.org/print/personal-health/8-ways-shut-down-your-i...

3 18/05/2014 23.55


2/3

Source URL: http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/8-ways-shut-down-your-inner-critic

inadequacy is to refuse to engage with them. Insecurity is an illusion based on your worries, and you cantuse facts or logic to disprove a boundless illusion. Your mind will always come up with something else to beunsure of, so the way to dismiss it is when your inner critic appears, think to yourself thanks for sharingand then move on.3. Find out what you really need.Gale says the inner critic could also be a subpersonality created to meet a need we havent been able tofulfill. If you find yourself thinking with a perfectionist, people pleasing or victim mentality, you may have yourinner critic to thank for fueling the fire. Once you can take note of this pattern, its easier to uncover whatunderlying emotional need youre looking for and take steps toward fulfilling it in more healthy ways.4. Affirmations.I know some people cant say affirmations to themselves without giggling, but I have to admit that these havebeen totally doing it for me lately. I also have to confess that I havent been able to bring myself to say themaloud in front of a mirror like youre supposed to do I get way too embarrassed and/or worry that myroommate will hear me and think Im insane. Try writing things like I can do this or I am enough on post-its,repeating them in a journal, or setting them as reminders in your phone. I feel silly suggesting this, which kindof points to the fact that my own inner critic is making me self-conscious about how stupid affirmationssound, but theyve been really helpful for me (though apparently not enough yet because Im stillembarrassed to say I do them). Lots of successful people use them, and they just may help you out too.5. Argue with your critic.Next time that voice inside your head tells you that youre a loser for sleeping through your workout, tryasking it so what? Who cares what you think? If your inner critic tells you that youre not talented enoughto sign up for that poetry contest, think why not? Are you telling me I cant? Just watch me do it anyway!6. Pretend the thoughts were said by someone else.Psychology professor and author Martin Seligman suggests that you pretend the thoughts were said bysomeone who doesnt have your best interests at heart perhaps a rival, a friend you keep at arms lengthfor her toxic tendencies, or a person who wants to accuse you of something absurd. Then, gather evidenceagainst that persons claim. Say that youre in the middle of making a wedding toast and when you stumbleon a word, so your inner voice seizes the opportunity to tell you that youve always been terrible at public

speaking and have obviously ruined the wedding by flubbing a few sentences. If you put these words in thevoice of an enemy hellbent on making you look bad, you can point to evidence that disproves her. After all,you finished the toast just fine after that slip-up, and you gave that great presentation at work last week, soyoure obviously just fine at speaking in front of people.7. Talk to a therapist.A pro can help you figure out exactly where your inner critic is coming from and suggest the way of copingthats best for you. Therapy may point out totally new ways of viewing your critic that could take away itspower.8. Focus on others.Most jobs or activities your inner critic tells you that you suck at are things that can help others. Even if it

seems like a self-serving activity (like going to the gym), taking care of yourself makes you a better friend orfamily member to the people you love, so focus on who youre impacting. Nearly every occupation makessomebodys life a bit better (unless youre like, a tobacco lobbyist), no matter how indirectly it may be. So ifyour little voice tells you that youre totally crappy at your job, try to put all your energy into the person yourecurrently working to help. Youll see the benefits of what you do, and youll be so focused on making adifference that you wont have any time to listen to your own thoughts!What do you do when your inner critic starts acting up? Any suggestions?

[3]See more stories tagged with:self-esteem [4],inner critic [5],ego [6]


3 18/05/2014 23.55


3/3

Links:

[1] http://xojane.com

[2] http://www.alternet.org/authors/claire-hannum[3] mailto:[email protected]?Subject=Typo on 8 Ways to Shut Down Your Inner Critic

[4] http://www.alternet.org/tags/self-esteem-0

[5] http://www.alternet.org/tags/inner-critic

[6] http://www.alternet.org/tags/ego[7] http://www.alternet.org/%2Bnew_src%2B


3 18/05/2014 23 55

8 ways to shut down your inner critic

Documents