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Page 1: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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1

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page 1

The Iceberg The iceberg represents your leadership The 10 above the water is your skill The 90 below the water is your character Itrsquos whatrsquos belowthe surface that sinks the ship

An iceberg is an interesting picture of the first rule of leadership Therersquos more to itthan meets the eye Most of an iceberg is below the surface of the water Youprobably remember the awesome story of the Titanic (Maybe you saw the movie) The huge and unsinkable ship received five iceberg warnings that fateful night of

April 14 1912 just before it went down When the sixth message came in duringthe wee hours of the next morning ldquoLook out for icebergsrdquo the operator wired backldquoShut up Irsquom busyrdquo These were his last words over the wire before it all happenedExactly thirty minutes later the great vesselmdashthe one whose captain said even Godcouldnrsquot sinkmdashwas sinking Hundreds of passengers and crew were drowned

What was the problem They forgot the truth about icebergs What they saw abovethe water couldnrsquot have sunk the great ship Unfortunately they forgot that mostof an iceberg is below the water line They underestimated the power of the iceberg

and overestimated their own strength What an accurate description of so many leaders today

The iceberg is a great picture of leadership because so much of our influencecomes from qualities we canrsquot see on the outside Itrsquos stuff below the surface Iestimate 90 of our leadership is made up from our character And our characteris the sum total of our

bull Self-discipline (The ability to do whatrsquos right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

bull Core values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

bull Sense of identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

bull Emotional security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

IM GE ONE

[ THE ICEBERG ]

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page 2

Many people make it into the limelight and neglect their character Your skill may get you to the topmdashbut it rsquos your character that will keep you there If you donrsquot havestrong character you will eventually sabotage your leadership You can only fake itso long We learned this in the 1980s when so many religious televangelists fellmorally We learned it again in the 1990s when many politicians fell morally

including our president We learned it again during the first decade of the new century when corporations such as Enron WorldCom and Tyco committed moral crimes andpro athletes were taken to court due to lack of character Yoursquod think we would havelearned our lessonbut we didnrsquot As we entered the second decade of the 21 st

century we heard stories of Tiger Woods cheating on his wife multiple times andLance Armstrong cheating on his sport by taking performance-enhancing drugs Whatrsquos worse is many of these people then lied about it all My explanation Theiceberg Weak character may begin when we are young with lying and cheating on

tests It eventually takes the form of fraud sex crimes robbery and scandals The WallStreet meltdown that came to light in 2008 is still affecting business in America today The financial crisis we experienced was not due to a skill problem Itrsquos a characterproblem The scandals all happened in spite of the new legislation to combat corporatecrimes In other words we didnrsquot learn our lesson from Enron back in 2002 Wersquovehad no moral compass

It didnrsquot start with our generation though About a hundred years ago a boy grew up in Europe His fatherrsquos given name was Alois Schicklgruber As a teen he neverlearned about character His parents never taught him right from wrong so hebegan to come up with his own ideas and values His father put him down whenhe talked about becoming a priest and laughed at him when he spoke of beingan artist He was never valued nor taught values One night he heard his momand dad argue about moving away Believing they hated him he suspected theyrsquodleave him behind In anger he put up an emotional wall and never let anyone getclose He later ran away This boy grew up to be a man The man became a leader You know him as Adolf Hitler

History proves that Adolf Hitler was a great leader but he wasnrsquot a good one Hefailed to use his influence well His skill and charisma were huge His character washorribly flawed He sabotaged himselfmdashbut not until he had slaughtered more thansix million innocent people along the way Leadership skills are important but itdoes no good to develop your skills at the expense of your character and integrityFor instance it would be easy to think that the mortgage banking industry is merely about finance interest rates and accounting While those elements are importantthey are only the tip of the iceberg The vast majority of that industrymdashor any industry for that mattermdashis about trusting people Itrsquos stuff below the surface Thelesson We must lead ourselves well before we try leading others

Those who live among icebergs remind us there is such a thing as an iceberg with very little below the surface like a floating ice cube Most of its mass is up top asthough it is upside down Itrsquos called a ldquowhistlerrdquo You can always tell ldquowhistlersrdquo fromother icebergs They constantly drift and they make a lot of noise Sound familiar

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page 3

The bad news about icebergs is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that sinks a ship When we have weak character it will eventually damage our ability to lead Thegood news is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that supports the tip In the same way strong character will hold you up long enough to use your skills

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

It is easy for us to sprint right to a list of competencies when we define leadershipdevelopment As Americans we tend to want to immediately work oncompetencies or techniques But those are all externals True leadership is builtfrom the inside out Whatever happens on the outside of our life stems from whatrsquoshappening on the inside When we see a house that has stood for decades we know

it has a strong foundation The visible is only a reflection of the invisible Why is focusing on the ldquoinsiderdquo so difficult for us today

Why do we put so much emphasis on the ldquooutsiderdquo of our lives

Leaders who last place ldquobeingrdquo before ldquodoingrdquo They realize that leadership is aboutour person before it is about our practice One psychologist however said we oftenbecome ldquohuman doingsrdquo before we are ldquohuman beingsrdquo What does this phrase

mean to you

S e l f A s s e s s m e n t

Take a minute and think about your own character Do you have strong character

On a scale of one to ten (ten being the strongest) rate yourself in the following areas1 Self-Discipline (The ability to do what is right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

2 Core Values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

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page 4

3 Sense of Identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

4 Emotional Security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

Why did you give yourself the scores you did

E x e r c i s e

Identify several things you really donrsquot like doing There may be a function aroundthe house in school or at work It could be a chore like sweeping the garage or somesmall task yoursquove procrastinated doing on the job It may be listening to or interacting with someone who is difficult to connect with It might be physical exercise or thediscipline of waiting It could be as simple as staying on a diet

Choose two of these ldquoundesirablesrdquo and make them disciplines Deliberately do what you donrsquot like doing

Practice them daily for one week Put them on the calendar and ask someone tohold you accountable to do them (If you do them daily for two weeks chances arethey will become a habit)

Afterwards discuss the results Did you feel a sense of accomplishment Did you waver in your commitment Discuss with someone how daily disciplines pave the way for conquering laziness and indifference How have you gained personal victory by practicing these disciplines How does this strengthen your character

Legend has it that the following words were written on the tomb of an Anglicanbishop (AD 1100) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country

But it too seemed immovable As I grew into my twilight years in one last

desperate attempt I settled for changing only my family those closest to mebut alas they would have none of it

And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realize If I had only changed my self first then by example I would have changed my family From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows I may have even changed my world

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T H E

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O T H E R S

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

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A

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H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 1

The Iceberg The iceberg represents your leadership The 10 above the water is your skill The 90 below the water is your character Itrsquos whatrsquos belowthe surface that sinks the ship

An iceberg is an interesting picture of the first rule of leadership Therersquos more to itthan meets the eye Most of an iceberg is below the surface of the water Youprobably remember the awesome story of the Titanic (Maybe you saw the movie) The huge and unsinkable ship received five iceberg warnings that fateful night of

April 14 1912 just before it went down When the sixth message came in duringthe wee hours of the next morning ldquoLook out for icebergsrdquo the operator wired backldquoShut up Irsquom busyrdquo These were his last words over the wire before it all happenedExactly thirty minutes later the great vesselmdashthe one whose captain said even Godcouldnrsquot sinkmdashwas sinking Hundreds of passengers and crew were drowned

What was the problem They forgot the truth about icebergs What they saw abovethe water couldnrsquot have sunk the great ship Unfortunately they forgot that mostof an iceberg is below the water line They underestimated the power of the iceberg

and overestimated their own strength What an accurate description of so many leaders today

The iceberg is a great picture of leadership because so much of our influencecomes from qualities we canrsquot see on the outside Itrsquos stuff below the surface Iestimate 90 of our leadership is made up from our character And our characteris the sum total of our

bull Self-discipline (The ability to do whatrsquos right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

bull Core values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

bull Sense of identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

bull Emotional security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

IM GE ONE

[ THE ICEBERG ]

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page 2

Many people make it into the limelight and neglect their character Your skill may get you to the topmdashbut it rsquos your character that will keep you there If you donrsquot havestrong character you will eventually sabotage your leadership You can only fake itso long We learned this in the 1980s when so many religious televangelists fellmorally We learned it again in the 1990s when many politicians fell morally

including our president We learned it again during the first decade of the new century when corporations such as Enron WorldCom and Tyco committed moral crimes andpro athletes were taken to court due to lack of character Yoursquod think we would havelearned our lessonbut we didnrsquot As we entered the second decade of the 21 st

century we heard stories of Tiger Woods cheating on his wife multiple times andLance Armstrong cheating on his sport by taking performance-enhancing drugs Whatrsquos worse is many of these people then lied about it all My explanation Theiceberg Weak character may begin when we are young with lying and cheating on

tests It eventually takes the form of fraud sex crimes robbery and scandals The WallStreet meltdown that came to light in 2008 is still affecting business in America today The financial crisis we experienced was not due to a skill problem Itrsquos a characterproblem The scandals all happened in spite of the new legislation to combat corporatecrimes In other words we didnrsquot learn our lesson from Enron back in 2002 Wersquovehad no moral compass

It didnrsquot start with our generation though About a hundred years ago a boy grew up in Europe His fatherrsquos given name was Alois Schicklgruber As a teen he neverlearned about character His parents never taught him right from wrong so hebegan to come up with his own ideas and values His father put him down whenhe talked about becoming a priest and laughed at him when he spoke of beingan artist He was never valued nor taught values One night he heard his momand dad argue about moving away Believing they hated him he suspected theyrsquodleave him behind In anger he put up an emotional wall and never let anyone getclose He later ran away This boy grew up to be a man The man became a leader You know him as Adolf Hitler

History proves that Adolf Hitler was a great leader but he wasnrsquot a good one Hefailed to use his influence well His skill and charisma were huge His character washorribly flawed He sabotaged himselfmdashbut not until he had slaughtered more thansix million innocent people along the way Leadership skills are important but itdoes no good to develop your skills at the expense of your character and integrityFor instance it would be easy to think that the mortgage banking industry is merely about finance interest rates and accounting While those elements are importantthey are only the tip of the iceberg The vast majority of that industrymdashor any industry for that mattermdashis about trusting people Itrsquos stuff below the surface Thelesson We must lead ourselves well before we try leading others

Those who live among icebergs remind us there is such a thing as an iceberg with very little below the surface like a floating ice cube Most of its mass is up top asthough it is upside down Itrsquos called a ldquowhistlerrdquo You can always tell ldquowhistlersrdquo fromother icebergs They constantly drift and they make a lot of noise Sound familiar

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page 3

The bad news about icebergs is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that sinks a ship When we have weak character it will eventually damage our ability to lead Thegood news is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that supports the tip In the same way strong character will hold you up long enough to use your skills

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

It is easy for us to sprint right to a list of competencies when we define leadershipdevelopment As Americans we tend to want to immediately work oncompetencies or techniques But those are all externals True leadership is builtfrom the inside out Whatever happens on the outside of our life stems from whatrsquoshappening on the inside When we see a house that has stood for decades we know

it has a strong foundation The visible is only a reflection of the invisible Why is focusing on the ldquoinsiderdquo so difficult for us today

Why do we put so much emphasis on the ldquooutsiderdquo of our lives

Leaders who last place ldquobeingrdquo before ldquodoingrdquo They realize that leadership is aboutour person before it is about our practice One psychologist however said we oftenbecome ldquohuman doingsrdquo before we are ldquohuman beingsrdquo What does this phrase

mean to you

S e l f A s s e s s m e n t

Take a minute and think about your own character Do you have strong character

On a scale of one to ten (ten being the strongest) rate yourself in the following areas1 Self-Discipline (The ability to do what is right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

2 Core Values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

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page 4

3 Sense of Identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

4 Emotional Security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

Why did you give yourself the scores you did

E x e r c i s e

Identify several things you really donrsquot like doing There may be a function aroundthe house in school or at work It could be a chore like sweeping the garage or somesmall task yoursquove procrastinated doing on the job It may be listening to or interacting with someone who is difficult to connect with It might be physical exercise or thediscipline of waiting It could be as simple as staying on a diet

Choose two of these ldquoundesirablesrdquo and make them disciplines Deliberately do what you donrsquot like doing

Practice them daily for one week Put them on the calendar and ask someone tohold you accountable to do them (If you do them daily for two weeks chances arethey will become a habit)

Afterwards discuss the results Did you feel a sense of accomplishment Did you waver in your commitment Discuss with someone how daily disciplines pave the way for conquering laziness and indifference How have you gained personal victory by practicing these disciplines How does this strengthen your character

Legend has it that the following words were written on the tomb of an Anglicanbishop (AD 1100) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country

But it too seemed immovable As I grew into my twilight years in one last

desperate attempt I settled for changing only my family those closest to mebut alas they would have none of it

And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realize If I had only changed my self first then by example I would have changed my family From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows I may have even changed my world

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T H E

A R

T

O F

C O N N E C T I N G

w i t h

O T H E R S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

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A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

2

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R E E

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C h

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C

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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N

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O

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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M

A

G E

E

L E

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[

C a

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e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

page 59

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T

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L

E A

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page 1

The Iceberg The iceberg represents your leadership The 10 above the water is your skill The 90 below the water is your character Itrsquos whatrsquos belowthe surface that sinks the ship

An iceberg is an interesting picture of the first rule of leadership Therersquos more to itthan meets the eye Most of an iceberg is below the surface of the water Youprobably remember the awesome story of the Titanic (Maybe you saw the movie) The huge and unsinkable ship received five iceberg warnings that fateful night of

April 14 1912 just before it went down When the sixth message came in duringthe wee hours of the next morning ldquoLook out for icebergsrdquo the operator wired backldquoShut up Irsquom busyrdquo These were his last words over the wire before it all happenedExactly thirty minutes later the great vesselmdashthe one whose captain said even Godcouldnrsquot sinkmdashwas sinking Hundreds of passengers and crew were drowned

What was the problem They forgot the truth about icebergs What they saw abovethe water couldnrsquot have sunk the great ship Unfortunately they forgot that mostof an iceberg is below the water line They underestimated the power of the iceberg

and overestimated their own strength What an accurate description of so many leaders today

The iceberg is a great picture of leadership because so much of our influencecomes from qualities we canrsquot see on the outside Itrsquos stuff below the surface Iestimate 90 of our leadership is made up from our character And our characteris the sum total of our

bull Self-discipline (The ability to do whatrsquos right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

bull Core values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

bull Sense of identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

bull Emotional security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

IM GE ONE

[ THE ICEBERG ]

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page 2

Many people make it into the limelight and neglect their character Your skill may get you to the topmdashbut it rsquos your character that will keep you there If you donrsquot havestrong character you will eventually sabotage your leadership You can only fake itso long We learned this in the 1980s when so many religious televangelists fellmorally We learned it again in the 1990s when many politicians fell morally

including our president We learned it again during the first decade of the new century when corporations such as Enron WorldCom and Tyco committed moral crimes andpro athletes were taken to court due to lack of character Yoursquod think we would havelearned our lessonbut we didnrsquot As we entered the second decade of the 21 st

century we heard stories of Tiger Woods cheating on his wife multiple times andLance Armstrong cheating on his sport by taking performance-enhancing drugs Whatrsquos worse is many of these people then lied about it all My explanation Theiceberg Weak character may begin when we are young with lying and cheating on

tests It eventually takes the form of fraud sex crimes robbery and scandals The WallStreet meltdown that came to light in 2008 is still affecting business in America today The financial crisis we experienced was not due to a skill problem Itrsquos a characterproblem The scandals all happened in spite of the new legislation to combat corporatecrimes In other words we didnrsquot learn our lesson from Enron back in 2002 Wersquovehad no moral compass

It didnrsquot start with our generation though About a hundred years ago a boy grew up in Europe His fatherrsquos given name was Alois Schicklgruber As a teen he neverlearned about character His parents never taught him right from wrong so hebegan to come up with his own ideas and values His father put him down whenhe talked about becoming a priest and laughed at him when he spoke of beingan artist He was never valued nor taught values One night he heard his momand dad argue about moving away Believing they hated him he suspected theyrsquodleave him behind In anger he put up an emotional wall and never let anyone getclose He later ran away This boy grew up to be a man The man became a leader You know him as Adolf Hitler

History proves that Adolf Hitler was a great leader but he wasnrsquot a good one Hefailed to use his influence well His skill and charisma were huge His character washorribly flawed He sabotaged himselfmdashbut not until he had slaughtered more thansix million innocent people along the way Leadership skills are important but itdoes no good to develop your skills at the expense of your character and integrityFor instance it would be easy to think that the mortgage banking industry is merely about finance interest rates and accounting While those elements are importantthey are only the tip of the iceberg The vast majority of that industrymdashor any industry for that mattermdashis about trusting people Itrsquos stuff below the surface Thelesson We must lead ourselves well before we try leading others

Those who live among icebergs remind us there is such a thing as an iceberg with very little below the surface like a floating ice cube Most of its mass is up top asthough it is upside down Itrsquos called a ldquowhistlerrdquo You can always tell ldquowhistlersrdquo fromother icebergs They constantly drift and they make a lot of noise Sound familiar

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page 3

The bad news about icebergs is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that sinks a ship When we have weak character it will eventually damage our ability to lead Thegood news is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that supports the tip In the same way strong character will hold you up long enough to use your skills

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

It is easy for us to sprint right to a list of competencies when we define leadershipdevelopment As Americans we tend to want to immediately work oncompetencies or techniques But those are all externals True leadership is builtfrom the inside out Whatever happens on the outside of our life stems from whatrsquoshappening on the inside When we see a house that has stood for decades we know

it has a strong foundation The visible is only a reflection of the invisible Why is focusing on the ldquoinsiderdquo so difficult for us today

Why do we put so much emphasis on the ldquooutsiderdquo of our lives

Leaders who last place ldquobeingrdquo before ldquodoingrdquo They realize that leadership is aboutour person before it is about our practice One psychologist however said we oftenbecome ldquohuman doingsrdquo before we are ldquohuman beingsrdquo What does this phrase

mean to you

S e l f A s s e s s m e n t

Take a minute and think about your own character Do you have strong character

On a scale of one to ten (ten being the strongest) rate yourself in the following areas1 Self-Discipline (The ability to do what is right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

2 Core Values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

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page 4

3 Sense of Identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

4 Emotional Security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

Why did you give yourself the scores you did

E x e r c i s e

Identify several things you really donrsquot like doing There may be a function aroundthe house in school or at work It could be a chore like sweeping the garage or somesmall task yoursquove procrastinated doing on the job It may be listening to or interacting with someone who is difficult to connect with It might be physical exercise or thediscipline of waiting It could be as simple as staying on a diet

Choose two of these ldquoundesirablesrdquo and make them disciplines Deliberately do what you donrsquot like doing

Practice them daily for one week Put them on the calendar and ask someone tohold you accountable to do them (If you do them daily for two weeks chances arethey will become a habit)

Afterwards discuss the results Did you feel a sense of accomplishment Did you waver in your commitment Discuss with someone how daily disciplines pave the way for conquering laziness and indifference How have you gained personal victory by practicing these disciplines How does this strengthen your character

Legend has it that the following words were written on the tomb of an Anglicanbishop (AD 1100) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country

But it too seemed immovable As I grew into my twilight years in one last

desperate attempt I settled for changing only my family those closest to mebut alas they would have none of it

And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realize If I had only changed my self first then by example I would have changed my family From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows I may have even changed my world

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

M

A

G

E

T

W O

[

R

I V

E

R S

A

N

D

F L

O

O

D

S

]

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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1

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D R T I M

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I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

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A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T

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A

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T

O

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L

F

-

L

E A

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A

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page 1

The Iceberg The iceberg represents your leadership The 10 above the water is your skill The 90 below the water is your character Itrsquos whatrsquos belowthe surface that sinks the ship

An iceberg is an interesting picture of the first rule of leadership Therersquos more to itthan meets the eye Most of an iceberg is below the surface of the water Youprobably remember the awesome story of the Titanic (Maybe you saw the movie) The huge and unsinkable ship received five iceberg warnings that fateful night of

April 14 1912 just before it went down When the sixth message came in duringthe wee hours of the next morning ldquoLook out for icebergsrdquo the operator wired backldquoShut up Irsquom busyrdquo These were his last words over the wire before it all happenedExactly thirty minutes later the great vesselmdashthe one whose captain said even Godcouldnrsquot sinkmdashwas sinking Hundreds of passengers and crew were drowned

What was the problem They forgot the truth about icebergs What they saw abovethe water couldnrsquot have sunk the great ship Unfortunately they forgot that mostof an iceberg is below the water line They underestimated the power of the iceberg

and overestimated their own strength What an accurate description of so many leaders today

The iceberg is a great picture of leadership because so much of our influencecomes from qualities we canrsquot see on the outside Itrsquos stuff below the surface Iestimate 90 of our leadership is made up from our character And our characteris the sum total of our

bull Self-discipline (The ability to do whatrsquos right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

bull Core values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

bull Sense of identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

bull Emotional security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

IM GE ONE

[ THE ICEBERG ]

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page 2

Many people make it into the limelight and neglect their character Your skill may get you to the topmdashbut it rsquos your character that will keep you there If you donrsquot havestrong character you will eventually sabotage your leadership You can only fake itso long We learned this in the 1980s when so many religious televangelists fellmorally We learned it again in the 1990s when many politicians fell morally

including our president We learned it again during the first decade of the new century when corporations such as Enron WorldCom and Tyco committed moral crimes andpro athletes were taken to court due to lack of character Yoursquod think we would havelearned our lessonbut we didnrsquot As we entered the second decade of the 21 st

century we heard stories of Tiger Woods cheating on his wife multiple times andLance Armstrong cheating on his sport by taking performance-enhancing drugs Whatrsquos worse is many of these people then lied about it all My explanation Theiceberg Weak character may begin when we are young with lying and cheating on

tests It eventually takes the form of fraud sex crimes robbery and scandals The WallStreet meltdown that came to light in 2008 is still affecting business in America today The financial crisis we experienced was not due to a skill problem Itrsquos a characterproblem The scandals all happened in spite of the new legislation to combat corporatecrimes In other words we didnrsquot learn our lesson from Enron back in 2002 Wersquovehad no moral compass

It didnrsquot start with our generation though About a hundred years ago a boy grew up in Europe His fatherrsquos given name was Alois Schicklgruber As a teen he neverlearned about character His parents never taught him right from wrong so hebegan to come up with his own ideas and values His father put him down whenhe talked about becoming a priest and laughed at him when he spoke of beingan artist He was never valued nor taught values One night he heard his momand dad argue about moving away Believing they hated him he suspected theyrsquodleave him behind In anger he put up an emotional wall and never let anyone getclose He later ran away This boy grew up to be a man The man became a leader You know him as Adolf Hitler

History proves that Adolf Hitler was a great leader but he wasnrsquot a good one Hefailed to use his influence well His skill and charisma were huge His character washorribly flawed He sabotaged himselfmdashbut not until he had slaughtered more thansix million innocent people along the way Leadership skills are important but itdoes no good to develop your skills at the expense of your character and integrityFor instance it would be easy to think that the mortgage banking industry is merely about finance interest rates and accounting While those elements are importantthey are only the tip of the iceberg The vast majority of that industrymdashor any industry for that mattermdashis about trusting people Itrsquos stuff below the surface Thelesson We must lead ourselves well before we try leading others

Those who live among icebergs remind us there is such a thing as an iceberg with very little below the surface like a floating ice cube Most of its mass is up top asthough it is upside down Itrsquos called a ldquowhistlerrdquo You can always tell ldquowhistlersrdquo fromother icebergs They constantly drift and they make a lot of noise Sound familiar

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page 3

The bad news about icebergs is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that sinks a ship When we have weak character it will eventually damage our ability to lead Thegood news is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that supports the tip In the same way strong character will hold you up long enough to use your skills

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

It is easy for us to sprint right to a list of competencies when we define leadershipdevelopment As Americans we tend to want to immediately work oncompetencies or techniques But those are all externals True leadership is builtfrom the inside out Whatever happens on the outside of our life stems from whatrsquoshappening on the inside When we see a house that has stood for decades we know

it has a strong foundation The visible is only a reflection of the invisible Why is focusing on the ldquoinsiderdquo so difficult for us today

Why do we put so much emphasis on the ldquooutsiderdquo of our lives

Leaders who last place ldquobeingrdquo before ldquodoingrdquo They realize that leadership is aboutour person before it is about our practice One psychologist however said we oftenbecome ldquohuman doingsrdquo before we are ldquohuman beingsrdquo What does this phrase

mean to you

S e l f A s s e s s m e n t

Take a minute and think about your own character Do you have strong character

On a scale of one to ten (ten being the strongest) rate yourself in the following areas1 Self-Discipline (The ability to do what is right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

2 Core Values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

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page 4

3 Sense of Identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

4 Emotional Security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

Why did you give yourself the scores you did

E x e r c i s e

Identify several things you really donrsquot like doing There may be a function aroundthe house in school or at work It could be a chore like sweeping the garage or somesmall task yoursquove procrastinated doing on the job It may be listening to or interacting with someone who is difficult to connect with It might be physical exercise or thediscipline of waiting It could be as simple as staying on a diet

Choose two of these ldquoundesirablesrdquo and make them disciplines Deliberately do what you donrsquot like doing

Practice them daily for one week Put them on the calendar and ask someone tohold you accountable to do them (If you do them daily for two weeks chances arethey will become a habit)

Afterwards discuss the results Did you feel a sense of accomplishment Did you waver in your commitment Discuss with someone how daily disciplines pave the way for conquering laziness and indifference How have you gained personal victory by practicing these disciplines How does this strengthen your character

Legend has it that the following words were written on the tomb of an Anglicanbishop (AD 1100) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country

But it too seemed immovable As I grew into my twilight years in one last

desperate attempt I settled for changing only my family those closest to mebut alas they would have none of it

And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realize If I had only changed my self first then by example I would have changed my family From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows I may have even changed my world

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B Y

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I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T H E

A R

T

O F

C O N N E C T I N G

w i t h

O T H E R S

[

A

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A

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E

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R

E

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E

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2

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

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E

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H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

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G

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W O

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R

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F L

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O

D

S

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 1

The Iceberg The iceberg represents your leadership The 10 above the water is your skill The 90 below the water is your character Itrsquos whatrsquos belowthe surface that sinks the ship

An iceberg is an interesting picture of the first rule of leadership Therersquos more to itthan meets the eye Most of an iceberg is below the surface of the water Youprobably remember the awesome story of the Titanic (Maybe you saw the movie) The huge and unsinkable ship received five iceberg warnings that fateful night of

April 14 1912 just before it went down When the sixth message came in duringthe wee hours of the next morning ldquoLook out for icebergsrdquo the operator wired backldquoShut up Irsquom busyrdquo These were his last words over the wire before it all happenedExactly thirty minutes later the great vesselmdashthe one whose captain said even Godcouldnrsquot sinkmdashwas sinking Hundreds of passengers and crew were drowned

What was the problem They forgot the truth about icebergs What they saw abovethe water couldnrsquot have sunk the great ship Unfortunately they forgot that mostof an iceberg is below the water line They underestimated the power of the iceberg

and overestimated their own strength What an accurate description of so many leaders today

The iceberg is a great picture of leadership because so much of our influencecomes from qualities we canrsquot see on the outside Itrsquos stuff below the surface Iestimate 90 of our leadership is made up from our character And our characteris the sum total of our

bull Self-discipline (The ability to do whatrsquos right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

bull Core values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

bull Sense of identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

bull Emotional security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

IM GE ONE

[ THE ICEBERG ]

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page 2

Many people make it into the limelight and neglect their character Your skill may get you to the topmdashbut it rsquos your character that will keep you there If you donrsquot havestrong character you will eventually sabotage your leadership You can only fake itso long We learned this in the 1980s when so many religious televangelists fellmorally We learned it again in the 1990s when many politicians fell morally

including our president We learned it again during the first decade of the new century when corporations such as Enron WorldCom and Tyco committed moral crimes andpro athletes were taken to court due to lack of character Yoursquod think we would havelearned our lessonbut we didnrsquot As we entered the second decade of the 21 st

century we heard stories of Tiger Woods cheating on his wife multiple times andLance Armstrong cheating on his sport by taking performance-enhancing drugs Whatrsquos worse is many of these people then lied about it all My explanation Theiceberg Weak character may begin when we are young with lying and cheating on

tests It eventually takes the form of fraud sex crimes robbery and scandals The WallStreet meltdown that came to light in 2008 is still affecting business in America today The financial crisis we experienced was not due to a skill problem Itrsquos a characterproblem The scandals all happened in spite of the new legislation to combat corporatecrimes In other words we didnrsquot learn our lesson from Enron back in 2002 Wersquovehad no moral compass

It didnrsquot start with our generation though About a hundred years ago a boy grew up in Europe His fatherrsquos given name was Alois Schicklgruber As a teen he neverlearned about character His parents never taught him right from wrong so hebegan to come up with his own ideas and values His father put him down whenhe talked about becoming a priest and laughed at him when he spoke of beingan artist He was never valued nor taught values One night he heard his momand dad argue about moving away Believing they hated him he suspected theyrsquodleave him behind In anger he put up an emotional wall and never let anyone getclose He later ran away This boy grew up to be a man The man became a leader You know him as Adolf Hitler

History proves that Adolf Hitler was a great leader but he wasnrsquot a good one Hefailed to use his influence well His skill and charisma were huge His character washorribly flawed He sabotaged himselfmdashbut not until he had slaughtered more thansix million innocent people along the way Leadership skills are important but itdoes no good to develop your skills at the expense of your character and integrityFor instance it would be easy to think that the mortgage banking industry is merely about finance interest rates and accounting While those elements are importantthey are only the tip of the iceberg The vast majority of that industrymdashor any industry for that mattermdashis about trusting people Itrsquos stuff below the surface Thelesson We must lead ourselves well before we try leading others

Those who live among icebergs remind us there is such a thing as an iceberg with very little below the surface like a floating ice cube Most of its mass is up top asthough it is upside down Itrsquos called a ldquowhistlerrdquo You can always tell ldquowhistlersrdquo fromother icebergs They constantly drift and they make a lot of noise Sound familiar

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page 3

The bad news about icebergs is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that sinks a ship When we have weak character it will eventually damage our ability to lead Thegood news is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that supports the tip In the same way strong character will hold you up long enough to use your skills

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

It is easy for us to sprint right to a list of competencies when we define leadershipdevelopment As Americans we tend to want to immediately work oncompetencies or techniques But those are all externals True leadership is builtfrom the inside out Whatever happens on the outside of our life stems from whatrsquoshappening on the inside When we see a house that has stood for decades we know

it has a strong foundation The visible is only a reflection of the invisible Why is focusing on the ldquoinsiderdquo so difficult for us today

Why do we put so much emphasis on the ldquooutsiderdquo of our lives

Leaders who last place ldquobeingrdquo before ldquodoingrdquo They realize that leadership is aboutour person before it is about our practice One psychologist however said we oftenbecome ldquohuman doingsrdquo before we are ldquohuman beingsrdquo What does this phrase

mean to you

S e l f A s s e s s m e n t

Take a minute and think about your own character Do you have strong character

On a scale of one to ten (ten being the strongest) rate yourself in the following areas1 Self-Discipline (The ability to do what is right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

2 Core Values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 4

3 Sense of Identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

4 Emotional Security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

Why did you give yourself the scores you did

E x e r c i s e

Identify several things you really donrsquot like doing There may be a function aroundthe house in school or at work It could be a chore like sweeping the garage or somesmall task yoursquove procrastinated doing on the job It may be listening to or interacting with someone who is difficult to connect with It might be physical exercise or thediscipline of waiting It could be as simple as staying on a diet

Choose two of these ldquoundesirablesrdquo and make them disciplines Deliberately do what you donrsquot like doing

Practice them daily for one week Put them on the calendar and ask someone tohold you accountable to do them (If you do them daily for two weeks chances arethey will become a habit)

Afterwards discuss the results Did you feel a sense of accomplishment Did you waver in your commitment Discuss with someone how daily disciplines pave the way for conquering laziness and indifference How have you gained personal victory by practicing these disciplines How does this strengthen your character

Legend has it that the following words were written on the tomb of an Anglicanbishop (AD 1100) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country

But it too seemed immovable As I grew into my twilight years in one last

desperate attempt I settled for changing only my family those closest to mebut alas they would have none of it

And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realize If I had only changed my self first then by example I would have changed my family From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows I may have even changed my world

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T H E

A R

T

O F

C O N N E C T I N G

w i t h

O T H E R S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

2

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M A

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H

R E E

[

C h

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s

a

n

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C

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k e

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

M

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T

W O

[

R

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N

D

F L

O

O

D

S

]

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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M

A

G E

E

L E

V

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N

[

C a

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e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

page 59

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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)+1B =--lt-5

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

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)( amp0() 5- 50-19 - 0 25E3 0-1 5$$)-)1N _^m a 50- 2F5 0 ampamp)

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)$8)(0F() - ) ($W g0) 9F(2)ampC D)amp6 ^9 11 9F A) 9F(2)ampC 0)A0ampF0-W

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8-974((-((-16

e-79-6 $1 e-(lt1 B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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R

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) $) A) 9F 2$) F1)amp-)23 D)C() 9F D)- ()N

gt6 d0ampF)2 50- D) 1)C-)1 2$8amp) (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F

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ampA) D96

S6

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9F( ampC)6

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-)(93 (F2- ()amp0-282 ( 2)(A5)6 [)(2 0A) 52)- 01c)5A)2 ampE)

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5$) C05)GGC05) 0 8)(2- 02 - 5-CF2- 0DF )9 0() ( 0

)9 0() 0DF6 ^() 1- 0 9F D2)(A) 0DF 0 amp)01)( ( 505 0-1 )(

A0ampF)26

R-5+(- B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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V

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(1)( 1 26

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)$2)ampA)26

5-$6+F- E-$(

)()b2 0 CF- 0$) 0b2 D))- 0(F-1 C( 1)501)26 4b2 50ampamp)1N (F2 0-1 0)6 A)(9-) - ) (F8 $F2 5$) F8 20)$)-2 0 0() (F)

0DF )( 8023 0-1 -) 20)$)- 0 2 0 amp)6 ampamp ()) $F2 2F-1 )IF0ampamp9D)amp)A0Damp)6 ) 0amp 2 20() 0ampamp ()) 20)$)-2 ) ()2 C ) (F8

0-1 ) ) )(2 F)22 (-amp9 0DF 5 20)$)- 02 ) amp)6

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$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

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2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

M5)-) gtN gtNgtSN=QlgtNgtNRPh M5)-) ltN gtNSQNltltlgtNSNgtO

4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 1

The Iceberg The iceberg represents your leadership The 10 above the water is your skill The 90 below the water is your character Itrsquos whatrsquos belowthe surface that sinks the ship

An iceberg is an interesting picture of the first rule of leadership Therersquos more to itthan meets the eye Most of an iceberg is below the surface of the water Youprobably remember the awesome story of the Titanic (Maybe you saw the movie) The huge and unsinkable ship received five iceberg warnings that fateful night of

April 14 1912 just before it went down When the sixth message came in duringthe wee hours of the next morning ldquoLook out for icebergsrdquo the operator wired backldquoShut up Irsquom busyrdquo These were his last words over the wire before it all happenedExactly thirty minutes later the great vesselmdashthe one whose captain said even Godcouldnrsquot sinkmdashwas sinking Hundreds of passengers and crew were drowned

What was the problem They forgot the truth about icebergs What they saw abovethe water couldnrsquot have sunk the great ship Unfortunately they forgot that mostof an iceberg is below the water line They underestimated the power of the iceberg

and overestimated their own strength What an accurate description of so many leaders today

The iceberg is a great picture of leadership because so much of our influencecomes from qualities we canrsquot see on the outside Itrsquos stuff below the surface Iestimate 90 of our leadership is made up from our character And our characteris the sum total of our

bull Self-discipline (The ability to do whatrsquos right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

bull Core values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

bull Sense of identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

bull Emotional security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

IM GE ONE

[ THE ICEBERG ]

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page 2

Many people make it into the limelight and neglect their character Your skill may get you to the topmdashbut it rsquos your character that will keep you there If you donrsquot havestrong character you will eventually sabotage your leadership You can only fake itso long We learned this in the 1980s when so many religious televangelists fellmorally We learned it again in the 1990s when many politicians fell morally

including our president We learned it again during the first decade of the new century when corporations such as Enron WorldCom and Tyco committed moral crimes andpro athletes were taken to court due to lack of character Yoursquod think we would havelearned our lessonbut we didnrsquot As we entered the second decade of the 21 st

century we heard stories of Tiger Woods cheating on his wife multiple times andLance Armstrong cheating on his sport by taking performance-enhancing drugs Whatrsquos worse is many of these people then lied about it all My explanation Theiceberg Weak character may begin when we are young with lying and cheating on

tests It eventually takes the form of fraud sex crimes robbery and scandals The WallStreet meltdown that came to light in 2008 is still affecting business in America today The financial crisis we experienced was not due to a skill problem Itrsquos a characterproblem The scandals all happened in spite of the new legislation to combat corporatecrimes In other words we didnrsquot learn our lesson from Enron back in 2002 Wersquovehad no moral compass

It didnrsquot start with our generation though About a hundred years ago a boy grew up in Europe His fatherrsquos given name was Alois Schicklgruber As a teen he neverlearned about character His parents never taught him right from wrong so hebegan to come up with his own ideas and values His father put him down whenhe talked about becoming a priest and laughed at him when he spoke of beingan artist He was never valued nor taught values One night he heard his momand dad argue about moving away Believing they hated him he suspected theyrsquodleave him behind In anger he put up an emotional wall and never let anyone getclose He later ran away This boy grew up to be a man The man became a leader You know him as Adolf Hitler

History proves that Adolf Hitler was a great leader but he wasnrsquot a good one Hefailed to use his influence well His skill and charisma were huge His character washorribly flawed He sabotaged himselfmdashbut not until he had slaughtered more thansix million innocent people along the way Leadership skills are important but itdoes no good to develop your skills at the expense of your character and integrityFor instance it would be easy to think that the mortgage banking industry is merely about finance interest rates and accounting While those elements are importantthey are only the tip of the iceberg The vast majority of that industrymdashor any industry for that mattermdashis about trusting people Itrsquos stuff below the surface Thelesson We must lead ourselves well before we try leading others

Those who live among icebergs remind us there is such a thing as an iceberg with very little below the surface like a floating ice cube Most of its mass is up top asthough it is upside down Itrsquos called a ldquowhistlerrdquo You can always tell ldquowhistlersrdquo fromother icebergs They constantly drift and they make a lot of noise Sound familiar

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page 3

The bad news about icebergs is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that sinks a ship When we have weak character it will eventually damage our ability to lead Thegood news is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that supports the tip In the same way strong character will hold you up long enough to use your skills

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

It is easy for us to sprint right to a list of competencies when we define leadershipdevelopment As Americans we tend to want to immediately work oncompetencies or techniques But those are all externals True leadership is builtfrom the inside out Whatever happens on the outside of our life stems from whatrsquoshappening on the inside When we see a house that has stood for decades we know

it has a strong foundation The visible is only a reflection of the invisible Why is focusing on the ldquoinsiderdquo so difficult for us today

Why do we put so much emphasis on the ldquooutsiderdquo of our lives

Leaders who last place ldquobeingrdquo before ldquodoingrdquo They realize that leadership is aboutour person before it is about our practice One psychologist however said we oftenbecome ldquohuman doingsrdquo before we are ldquohuman beingsrdquo What does this phrase

mean to you

S e l f A s s e s s m e n t

Take a minute and think about your own character Do you have strong character

On a scale of one to ten (ten being the strongest) rate yourself in the following areas1 Self-Discipline (The ability to do what is right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

2 Core Values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

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page 4

3 Sense of Identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

4 Emotional Security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

Why did you give yourself the scores you did

E x e r c i s e

Identify several things you really donrsquot like doing There may be a function aroundthe house in school or at work It could be a chore like sweeping the garage or somesmall task yoursquove procrastinated doing on the job It may be listening to or interacting with someone who is difficult to connect with It might be physical exercise or thediscipline of waiting It could be as simple as staying on a diet

Choose two of these ldquoundesirablesrdquo and make them disciplines Deliberately do what you donrsquot like doing

Practice them daily for one week Put them on the calendar and ask someone tohold you accountable to do them (If you do them daily for two weeks chances arethey will become a habit)

Afterwards discuss the results Did you feel a sense of accomplishment Did you waver in your commitment Discuss with someone how daily disciplines pave the way for conquering laziness and indifference How have you gained personal victory by practicing these disciplines How does this strengthen your character

Legend has it that the following words were written on the tomb of an Anglicanbishop (AD 1100) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country

But it too seemed immovable As I grew into my twilight years in one last

desperate attempt I settled for changing only my family those closest to mebut alas they would have none of it

And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realize If I had only changed my self first then by example I would have changed my family From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows I may have even changed my world

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T H E

A R

T

O F

C O N N E C T I N G

w i t h

O T H E R S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

2

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I

M A

G

E

T

H

R E E

[

C h

e

s

s

a

n

d

C

h

e

c

k e

r

s

]

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

M

A

G

E

T

W O

[

R

I V

E

R S

A

N

D

F L

O

O

D

S

]

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

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]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 2

Many people make it into the limelight and neglect their character Your skill may get you to the topmdashbut it rsquos your character that will keep you there If you donrsquot havestrong character you will eventually sabotage your leadership You can only fake itso long We learned this in the 1980s when so many religious televangelists fellmorally We learned it again in the 1990s when many politicians fell morally

including our president We learned it again during the first decade of the new century when corporations such as Enron WorldCom and Tyco committed moral crimes andpro athletes were taken to court due to lack of character Yoursquod think we would havelearned our lessonbut we didnrsquot As we entered the second decade of the 21 st

century we heard stories of Tiger Woods cheating on his wife multiple times andLance Armstrong cheating on his sport by taking performance-enhancing drugs Whatrsquos worse is many of these people then lied about it all My explanation Theiceberg Weak character may begin when we are young with lying and cheating on

tests It eventually takes the form of fraud sex crimes robbery and scandals The WallStreet meltdown that came to light in 2008 is still affecting business in America today The financial crisis we experienced was not due to a skill problem Itrsquos a characterproblem The scandals all happened in spite of the new legislation to combat corporatecrimes In other words we didnrsquot learn our lesson from Enron back in 2002 Wersquovehad no moral compass

It didnrsquot start with our generation though About a hundred years ago a boy grew up in Europe His fatherrsquos given name was Alois Schicklgruber As a teen he neverlearned about character His parents never taught him right from wrong so hebegan to come up with his own ideas and values His father put him down whenhe talked about becoming a priest and laughed at him when he spoke of beingan artist He was never valued nor taught values One night he heard his momand dad argue about moving away Believing they hated him he suspected theyrsquodleave him behind In anger he put up an emotional wall and never let anyone getclose He later ran away This boy grew up to be a man The man became a leader You know him as Adolf Hitler

History proves that Adolf Hitler was a great leader but he wasnrsquot a good one Hefailed to use his influence well His skill and charisma were huge His character washorribly flawed He sabotaged himselfmdashbut not until he had slaughtered more thansix million innocent people along the way Leadership skills are important but itdoes no good to develop your skills at the expense of your character and integrityFor instance it would be easy to think that the mortgage banking industry is merely about finance interest rates and accounting While those elements are importantthey are only the tip of the iceberg The vast majority of that industrymdashor any industry for that mattermdashis about trusting people Itrsquos stuff below the surface Thelesson We must lead ourselves well before we try leading others

Those who live among icebergs remind us there is such a thing as an iceberg with very little below the surface like a floating ice cube Most of its mass is up top asthough it is upside down Itrsquos called a ldquowhistlerrdquo You can always tell ldquowhistlersrdquo fromother icebergs They constantly drift and they make a lot of noise Sound familiar

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page 3

The bad news about icebergs is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that sinks a ship When we have weak character it will eventually damage our ability to lead Thegood news is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that supports the tip In the same way strong character will hold you up long enough to use your skills

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

It is easy for us to sprint right to a list of competencies when we define leadershipdevelopment As Americans we tend to want to immediately work oncompetencies or techniques But those are all externals True leadership is builtfrom the inside out Whatever happens on the outside of our life stems from whatrsquoshappening on the inside When we see a house that has stood for decades we know

it has a strong foundation The visible is only a reflection of the invisible Why is focusing on the ldquoinsiderdquo so difficult for us today

Why do we put so much emphasis on the ldquooutsiderdquo of our lives

Leaders who last place ldquobeingrdquo before ldquodoingrdquo They realize that leadership is aboutour person before it is about our practice One psychologist however said we oftenbecome ldquohuman doingsrdquo before we are ldquohuman beingsrdquo What does this phrase

mean to you

S e l f A s s e s s m e n t

Take a minute and think about your own character Do you have strong character

On a scale of one to ten (ten being the strongest) rate yourself in the following areas1 Self-Discipline (The ability to do what is right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

2 Core Values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

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page 4

3 Sense of Identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

4 Emotional Security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

Why did you give yourself the scores you did

E x e r c i s e

Identify several things you really donrsquot like doing There may be a function aroundthe house in school or at work It could be a chore like sweeping the garage or somesmall task yoursquove procrastinated doing on the job It may be listening to or interacting with someone who is difficult to connect with It might be physical exercise or thediscipline of waiting It could be as simple as staying on a diet

Choose two of these ldquoundesirablesrdquo and make them disciplines Deliberately do what you donrsquot like doing

Practice them daily for one week Put them on the calendar and ask someone tohold you accountable to do them (If you do them daily for two weeks chances arethey will become a habit)

Afterwards discuss the results Did you feel a sense of accomplishment Did you waver in your commitment Discuss with someone how daily disciplines pave the way for conquering laziness and indifference How have you gained personal victory by practicing these disciplines How does this strengthen your character

Legend has it that the following words were written on the tomb of an Anglicanbishop (AD 1100) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country

But it too seemed immovable As I grew into my twilight years in one last

desperate attempt I settled for changing only my family those closest to mebut alas they would have none of it

And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realize If I had only changed my self first then by example I would have changed my family From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows I may have even changed my world

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T H E

A R

T

O F

C O N N E C T I N G

w i t h

O T H E R S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

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R

C

E

]

2

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M A

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

M

A

G

E

T

W O

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E

R S

A

N

D

F L

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O

D

S

]

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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M

A

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[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

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d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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)01)(23 - ) )( 0-13 0() 8)8amp) 1)51) 0E) ampC) ) -)H amp)A)amp6

)9 D)5$) )($2026 )9 2) ) 250amp 5amp$0) )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3

9F $09 E- 8)8amp) 2) ) )$-0amp )$8)(0F() C 0 (F86 )2) E-12

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0amp$2 0amp092 Campamp26 B 20(3 eD) (90-3 01$)1 -088(8(0)

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4550

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

S

D)0A( 0 9F- $0- - fFamp9 C lt==S6 4(-50ampamp93 cF2 ))E2 D)C() )

01$)1 2 8( 1)52-3 ) 28E) - d 0DF $8(0- 2 C(0amp))2 D) )H0$8amp)2 C( E12 1096 [F56 0ampE 2 5)086

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A1)-amp93 2 101 11-b ()0ampi) ) -CampF)-5) ) 016 )9 0)-1)1 29-0F)

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25amp 2F1)-2 C)- 1)25(D) ) -0F() C )( 5F(2)2 02 _0(1` ( _2C`

5F(2)26 ) 5amp022)2 0 0() 5-21)()1 _0(1` 0() -)2 ampE) 0-0$93

D5)$2(9 0-1 892526 ) -)2 0 0() C)- 1)25(D)1 02 _2C` 0() )520-1 80)-G89250- ()amp0-2826lt 4-)()2-amp93 0 1)501) ( 0C)(

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2 )-1)-59 Damp)-1 -W

)+1B =--lt-5

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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0DF F26

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8-974((-((-16

e-79-6 $1 e-(lt1 B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

R

U 9F 0A) 0 2) C 5() A0ampF)2W 4C -3 9 - D)- 0 amp2 C 9F( A0ampF)2 D)amp6

) $) A) 9F 2$) F1)amp-)23 D)C() 9F D)- ()N

gt6 d0ampF)2 50- D) 1)C-)1 2$8amp) (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F

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ampA) D96

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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3-$amp+1B E$B- G+F-

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5-$6+F- E-$(

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82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

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$6amp H- E7 U $1

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4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Page 8: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 3

The bad news about icebergs is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that sinks a ship When we have weak character it will eventually damage our ability to lead Thegood news is that itrsquos whatrsquos below the surface that supports the tip In the same way strong character will hold you up long enough to use your skills

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

It is easy for us to sprint right to a list of competencies when we define leadershipdevelopment As Americans we tend to want to immediately work oncompetencies or techniques But those are all externals True leadership is builtfrom the inside out Whatever happens on the outside of our life stems from whatrsquoshappening on the inside When we see a house that has stood for decades we know

it has a strong foundation The visible is only a reflection of the invisible Why is focusing on the ldquoinsiderdquo so difficult for us today

Why do we put so much emphasis on the ldquooutsiderdquo of our lives

Leaders who last place ldquobeingrdquo before ldquodoingrdquo They realize that leadership is aboutour person before it is about our practice One psychologist however said we oftenbecome ldquohuman doingsrdquo before we are ldquohuman beingsrdquo What does this phrase

mean to you

S e l f A s s e s s m e n t

Take a minute and think about your own character Do you have strong character

On a scale of one to ten (ten being the strongest) rate yourself in the following areas1 Self-Discipline (The ability to do what is right even if you donrsquot feel like it)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

2 Core Values (Principles you live by that enable you to take a moral stand)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 4

3 Sense of Identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

4 Emotional Security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

Why did you give yourself the scores you did

E x e r c i s e

Identify several things you really donrsquot like doing There may be a function aroundthe house in school or at work It could be a chore like sweeping the garage or somesmall task yoursquove procrastinated doing on the job It may be listening to or interacting with someone who is difficult to connect with It might be physical exercise or thediscipline of waiting It could be as simple as staying on a diet

Choose two of these ldquoundesirablesrdquo and make them disciplines Deliberately do what you donrsquot like doing

Practice them daily for one week Put them on the calendar and ask someone tohold you accountable to do them (If you do them daily for two weeks chances arethey will become a habit)

Afterwards discuss the results Did you feel a sense of accomplishment Did you waver in your commitment Discuss with someone how daily disciplines pave the way for conquering laziness and indifference How have you gained personal victory by practicing these disciplines How does this strengthen your character

Legend has it that the following words were written on the tomb of an Anglicanbishop (AD 1100) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country

But it too seemed immovable As I grew into my twilight years in one last

desperate attempt I settled for changing only my family those closest to mebut alas they would have none of it

And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realize If I had only changed my self first then by example I would have changed my family From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows I may have even changed my world

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T H E

A R

T

O F

C O N N E C T I N G

w i t h

O T H E R S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

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2

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I

M A

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

M

A

G

E

T

W O

[

R

I V

E

R S

A

N

D

F L

O

O

D

S

]

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Page 9: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 4

3 Sense of Identity (A realistic self-image based on your gifts and personality)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

4 Emotional Security (The capacity to be emotionally stable and consistent)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0

Why did you give yourself the scores you did

E x e r c i s e

Identify several things you really donrsquot like doing There may be a function aroundthe house in school or at work It could be a chore like sweeping the garage or somesmall task yoursquove procrastinated doing on the job It may be listening to or interacting with someone who is difficult to connect with It might be physical exercise or thediscipline of waiting It could be as simple as staying on a diet

Choose two of these ldquoundesirablesrdquo and make them disciplines Deliberately do what you donrsquot like doing

Practice them daily for one week Put them on the calendar and ask someone tohold you accountable to do them (If you do them daily for two weeks chances arethey will become a habit)

Afterwards discuss the results Did you feel a sense of accomplishment Did you waver in your commitment Discuss with someone how daily disciplines pave the way for conquering laziness and indifference How have you gained personal victory by practicing these disciplines How does this strengthen your character

Legend has it that the following words were written on the tomb of an Anglicanbishop (AD 1100) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change so I shortened my sights and decided to change only my country

But it too seemed immovable As I grew into my twilight years in one last

desperate attempt I settled for changing only my family those closest to mebut alas they would have none of it

And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realize If I had only changed my self first then by example I would have changed my family From their inspiration and encouragement I would then have been able to better my country and who knows I may have even changed my world

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T H E

A R

T

O F

C O N N E C T I N G

w i t h

O T H E R S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

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B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

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E

]

2

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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M

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T

W O

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F L

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D

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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M

A

G E

E

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[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

page 59

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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0amp$2 0amp092 Campamp26 B 20(3 eD) (90-3 01$)1 -088(8(0)

E$B- G5

J)8amp) 0() ))( )($$))(2 (

)($2026 )9 ampamp $)()amp9 ()Camp)5 )5amp$0) 0(F-1 )$ ( )9 ampamp 2) 6

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B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4650

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

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Page 10: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

H A B I T U D E Sreg

T H E

A R

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O F

C O N N E C T I N G

w i t h

O T H E R S

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2

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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D R T I M

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I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

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A T T I T U D E S

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

M

A

G

E

T

W O

[

R

I V

E

R S

A

N

D

F L

O

O

D

S

]

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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-)(93 (F2- ()amp0-282 ( 2)(A5)6 [)(2 0A) 52)- 01c)5A)2 ampE)

)-)(F23 50(- ( 0(1G(E-6 4 1)2-b $0)( GG cF2 D) 5-22)-6L

4C 9Fb() - ()019 C( 2 )H)(52)3 (9 2 50ampamp)-)6 + C-1 0- (0-i0-3

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5$) C05)GGC05) 0 8)(2- 02 - 5-CF2- 0DF )9 0() ( 0

)9 0() 0DF6 ^() 1- 0 9F D2)(A) 0DF 0 amp)01)( ( 505 0-1 )(

A0ampF)26

R-5+(- B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4850

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(F) ()Camp)5- C ) 0()6

amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

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(1)( 1 26

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6 )05 )0$ $)$D)(2 )$D(05) )9 0() 0-1 D) -)2 0DF

)$2)ampA)26

5-$6+F- E-$(

)()b2 0 CF- 0$) 0b2 D))- 0(F-1 C( 1)501)26 4b2 50ampamp)1N (F2 0-1 0)6 A)(9-) - ) (F8 $F2 5$) F8 20)$)-2 0 0() (F)

0DF )( 8023 0-1 -) 20)$)- 0 2 0 amp)6 ampamp ()) $F2 2F-1 )IF0ampamp9D)amp)A0Damp)6 ) 0amp 2 20() 0ampamp ()) 20)$)-2 ) ()2 C ) (F8

0-1 ) ) )(2 F)22 (-amp9 0DF 5 20)$)- 02 ) amp)6

a)()b2 0-)( 1)06 UA1) 9F( (F8 - ( $() 2$0ampamp)( )0$26 )-3

A2 0 288- $0ampamp ( 2$) )( 8FDamp5 8amp05)6 70ampamp)-) )05 C ) )0$2 20) 0 25)-) - 0 2() 0 5-A-5)2 )(2 0 0 amp)02 -) C )( )0$

$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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+$5 +$5

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2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

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4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 13

Chess and CheckersIn checkers all the game pieces move in the same way In chess you moveeach piece differently based on its ability Wise leaders play chess notcheckers as they manage relationships They connect with individualsbased on their unique personalities and strengths

Growing up I loved to play checkers I had three versions of the game at my houseand would play my grandpa my friends my sisters or my parents any time they were willing I got pretty good at it By fifth grade I was introduced to the game

of chess Wow I had no idea that two games played on the same board could beso different All of a sudden I entered a whole new world of strategy Think aboutit What is the biggest difference between checkers and chess Itrsquos the pieces Anyone who wants to win in chess has to first learn how each piece movesmdashfromthe pawn to the rook to the knight to the queen and king Once I understood theability of each chess piece I could plan a strategy to win the game Bobby Fischerthe great chess champion once said ldquoWinning in this game is all a matter of understanding how to capitalize on the strengths of each piece and timing their

moves just rightrdquo This is a picture of good leadership Great managers understand that you canrsquot getthe best out of people by playing ldquocheckersrdquo with themmdashtreating them all alikeexpecting the same things out of each of them handling them like some genericproduct on a shelf Just like in chess great managers discover what is unique abouteach person and capitalize on it Marcus Buckingham inspired this Habitudes 1 Henotes how employees will differ in how they think how they build relationshipshow they learn how prepared they need to feel what drives them and so on (Most

of these differences donrsquot change) The best way to connect with people is toidentify how each one is different and how you can best incorporate those differencesinto your plan of action Great managing is not about control but about connectionand release Itrsquos not about your power but your empowerment of others And folksare best empowered when it is done according to their strengths Mediocre managersplay checkers with their people Excellent managers play chess They connect withpeople at the point of their strengths

IMAGE THREE

[ Chess and Checkers ]

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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M

A

G

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W O

[

R

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R S

A

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F L

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D

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]

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

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d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

page 59

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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0amp$2 0amp092 Campamp26 B 20(3 eD) (90-3 01$)1 -088(8(0)

E$B- G5

J)8amp) 0() ))( )($$))(2 (

)($2026 )9 ampamp $)()amp9 ()Camp)5 )5amp$0) 0(F-1 )$ ( )9 ampamp 2) 6

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ampA) D93 0-1 2) ) -) C( )(26

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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01$)1 2 8( 1)52-3 ) 28E) - d 0DF $8(0- 2 C(0amp))2 D) )H0$8amp)2 C( E12 1096 [F56 0ampE 2 5)086

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2 - D)-)C amp)1 2 2- IF)2- $(0amp93 )52 0-1 ()amp-6 2 ) ()

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$0E- 8)8amp) D)amp)A) ) 5Famp1 D) 0 (F2)1 )($206

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25amp 2F1)-2 C)- 1)25(D) ) -0F() C )( 5F(2)2 02 _0(1` ( _2C`

5F(2)26 ) 5amp022)2 0 0() 5-21)()1 _0(1` 0() -)2 ampE) 0-0$93

D5)$2(9 0-1 892526 ) -)2 0 0() C)- 1)25(D)1 02 _2C` 0() )520-1 80)-G89250- ()amp0-2826lt 4-)()2-amp93 0 1)501) ( 0C)(

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0 D)2 1)25(D) ) 8)(2- 9F 2 D)5$)6 )2) (12 0() ) D)---C 9F( 8)(2-0amp _5() A0ampF)26` )9 50- D) F1- 8(-58amp)2 )amp8 9F $0E)

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+B =-$9 K-(6+12 ^9 1 $2 8)8amp) ()$0- )($$))(23 cF2

$0- 0 )A)(9-) )amp2) 2 1-W ^0 )amp82 2$) D()0E C()) C($

2 )-1)-59 Damp)-1 -W

)+1B =--lt-5

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4650

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

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^0 1)2 0E) ampA) D9 0 2) C A0ampF)2W

9F- (amp 0-1 )( 101 )() A2- 0- 0$F2)$)- 80(E -) M0F(1096 )90ampE)1 F8 0 D )() 0 $0- 02 F)22- 8)8amp)b2 )6 amp0() 0-1

(0)( )0A9G2) $0- 2)88)1 F83 0-1 ) )$8amp9)) 0)$8)1 F)22 2

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cF2 ltR 8F-126 0 8-3 ) ampamp) (amp 201 )( 101N _E 101m ampamp

$0-6` 2 8)8amp) )H0$-) F( -)(9 0-1 A0ampF)2 GG $09 )9 -)A)( 209 0

0DF F26

0 20$) 0$F2)$)- 80(E3 ) ampamp) (amp 02E)1 )( 101 C( 2$) $-)9 DF9

2$) 5- 50-196 2 2) 0ampE)1 009 C($ ) A)-1(3 0 $0- 20 )(

)( amp0() 5- 50-19 - 0 25E3 0-1 5$$)-)1N _^m a 50- 2F5 0 ampamp)

(amp ampE) 9F )0 0ampamp 0 5- 50-19W`

) (amp cF2 2$amp)1 --5)-amp96 _[3 4b$ $F5 D)( - ) -21) 0- 4 0$ -) F21)6` ^)- 5$)2 F( 50(05)(3 $09 2) E- F2 D) 0Damp)

209 2 0DF F26

0E) 0 $$)- 1 0- -)2 )A0ampF0- - ))( 9F _05` ( _()05` $()

C)- - ampC)6 () 9F 0 )($20 052 D02)1 - 8(-58amp)2 0-1 A0ampF)2 9F)$D(05)3 ( 1 9F ()05 2F0-2 ampE) 0 )($$))(3 ()Camp)5- )

)$8)(0F() - ) ($W g0) 9F(2)ampC D)amp6 ^9 11 9F A) 9F(2)ampC 0)A0ampF0-W

gt lt S R V P Q O gt=)($$))( )($20

8-974((-((-16

e-79-6 $1 e-(lt1 B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4750

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

R

U 9F 0A) 0 2) C 5() A0ampF)2W 4C -3 9 - D)- 0 amp2 C 9F( A0ampF)2 D)amp6

) $) A) 9F 2$) F1)amp-)23 D)C() 9F D)- ()N

gt6 d0ampF)2 50- D) 1)C-)1 2$8amp) (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F

1))8amp9 D)amp)A)6lt6 d0ampF)2 0() (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F ampA) D9 ( 0 9F 0-

ampA) D96

S6

d0ampF)2 0() D)amp)C2 0 1)C-) 9F 0() 0-1 0() F1)amp-)2 C( 9F(

D 1)52-26

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9F( ampC)6

-E C 2$) (12 0 5Famp1 D) 9F( 5() A0ampF)26 ^() )$ 1-3 0-1 )-

() 0 20)$)- C 0 2) (12 $)0- 9F6 U25F22 0-1 )H8amp0- 9F((F8 9 9F 52) 9F( (126 KM$) 8)8amp) 0A) ()- -F-2 ampE)

-)(93 (F2- ()amp0-282 ( 2)(A5)6 [)(2 0A) 52)- 01c)5A)2 ampE)

)-)(F23 50(- ( 0(1G(E-6 4 1)2-b $0)( GG cF2 D) 5-22)-6L

4C 9Fb() - ()019 C( 2 )H)(52)3 (9 2 50ampamp)-)6 + C-1 0- (0-i0-3

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(F 0ampamp ) 05A)23 2)(A5)23 8((0$23 ( 8(1F523 2-)( ( amp0)( 9F ampamp

5$) C05)GGC05) 0 8)(2- 02 - 5-CF2- 0DF )9 0() ( 0

)9 0() 0DF6 ^() 1- 0 9F D2)(A) 0DF 0 amp)01)( ( 505 0-1 )(

A0ampF)26

R-5+(- B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4850

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

V

3amp- G1 C(- H+555

3-$amp+1B E$B- G+F-

8$5L

70(-A0amp2 C)- 0A) $(((2 0 12( ) ()0ampamp9 ampE6 J( amp)01)(2 123 8())-1- ( 82- D) D))( 0- )9 ()0ampamp9 0()6 [F( 50(05)( 2 )

(F) ()Camp)5- C ) 0()6

amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

gt6 )H82) ) ()0amp9 0 $2 8)8amp) 0- $0E) 0 1 $8()22- 2$F5 0 )9 0() ampamp- 12( ( )H0)(0) ) (F 0DF )$2)ampA)2 -

(1)( 1 26

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6 )05 )0$ $)$D)(2 )$D(05) )9 0() 0-1 D) -)2 0DF

)$2)ampA)26

5-$6+F- E-$(

)()b2 0 CF- 0$) 0b2 D))- 0(F-1 C( 1)501)26 4b2 50ampamp)1N (F2 0-1 0)6 A)(9-) - ) (F8 $F2 5$) F8 20)$)-2 0 0() (F)

0DF )( 8023 0-1 -) 20)$)- 0 2 0 amp)6 ampamp ()) $F2 2F-1 )IF0ampamp9D)amp)A0Damp)6 ) 0amp 2 20() 0ampamp ()) 20)$)-2 ) ()2 C ) (F8

0-1 ) ) )(2 F)22 (-amp9 0DF 5 20)$)- 02 ) amp)6

a)()b2 0-)( 1)06 UA1) 9F( (F8 - ( $() 2$0ampamp)( )0$26 )-3

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$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

M5)-) gtN gtNgtSN=QlgtNgtNRPh M5)-) ltN gtNSQNltltlgtNSNgtO

4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Page 13: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 14

Michael Abrashoff once served as the executive officer aboard the Navy shipUSS Shiloh It was a dreaded job because in addition to being second in commandhe was in charge of the entire bureaucracy of paperwork for 440 sailors Hisadministrative assistant was a man who got promoted only because hersquod beenaround longer than anyone else He could not type proofread or use the

spellchecker and what he did domdashhe did extremely slowly

At first Mike assumed he had to endure this inevitable situation One day howeverhis assistant went on vacation leaving him adrift in a sea of paper Since his job wasso unpleasant Mike grabbed a junior seaman named David whorsquod been transferredbecause he didnrsquot fit in anywhere and whorsquod been charged with insubordinationNeedless to say Mike didnrsquot expect much from him Soon after David arrivedhowever the piles of paper were finding homes Stacks were disappearing words were

being spelled correctly and sentences actually had subjects and verbs for the first timeOne day Mike asked David why hersquod been kicked out of his last post Mike repliedldquoI felt as though the chief petty officer hated merdquo He then explained that a monthafter arriving there he began suggesting ways to improve their efficiency and thechief didnrsquot like it He hit a brick wall over and over again Eventually David gaveup In reality David was simply demonstrating his strengths and that officer didnrsquotknow how to handle it He only knew the world that promotes people based ontenure not talent based on rank and not strength He only knew how to play

checkersmdashnot chess Needless to say David flourished under Mikersquos leadershipbecause he allowed David to think freely and create ways to improve what they didHe invited David to draft letters and decide the best way to solve problems in hisstrength area Mike turned out to be quite a chess player2

If you followed professional football in the 1990s you know the name Bo JacksonBo was an all-pro running back in the NFL for years But did you know we may have never heard of Bo Jackson had it not been for his coach at Auburn University You see Bo Jackson began as a defensive player for Auburn As fate would have itthe two starting players in the backfield at Auburn both got hurt at about the sametime His coach approached Bo and asked him to play tailback Bo hesitatedmdashbutsaid yes And the rest is history He may be the best tailback Auburn has evergraduated He went on to win the Heisman Trophy

So what am I saying Bo was good at his defensive position but he was great athis offensive position He simply needed to be placed well He needed a coach whocould spot potential talent outside of the box hersquod been placed inside Bo needed

a leader who played chess not checkers

H o w t o P l a y C h e s s a s a L e a d e r

In order to play chess you must recognize the unique role each player on the teamcan fill This means we must identify at least four qualities in others

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I

M

A

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E

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W O

[

R

I V

E

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A

N

D

F L

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]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4350

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Page 14: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 15

1 Strengths and Weaknesses ndash Leaders must connect with people at the pointof their strengths We must identify both the weaknesses that de-energize themand waste time as well as strong points where they get energized have naturalintuition and flourish

2 Triggers ndash Leaders must figure out what motivates their team members Is it verbal praise Is it time with the leader Is it monetary gifts Everybody has atrigger that gets them motivated and ready to give themselves to the cause

3 Personality ndash Itrsquos key for leaders to know the personality differences of theirpeople Are they the fun-loving sanguine Or the driven choleric Or the laid-back phlegmatic Or the analytical melancholy Identifying personalities canmake or break your leadership

4 Learning Style ndash Finally leaders must discover their peoplersquos learning styles Ishe an ldquoanalyzerrdquo who craves information Is she the ldquodoerrdquo who has to actually jump in and do it Or are they ldquowatchersrdquo who want to see it modeled in orderto learn something

Capitalizing on each personrsquos strengths accomplishes so many things for a leader Firstit saves you time You donrsquot waste time anymore trying to change people Second itmakes others accountable Each person is encouraged to do his or her very best inan area Third it builds a stronger sense of team since the best teams are built around

interdependency You acknowledge you need others because they do things you canrsquotdo You can celebrate differences Othersrsquo value is in their differences (A baseball teamdoesnrsquot need four shortstops) Think about it a mediocre leader believes value mustbe taught An excellent leader believes that the best is already inside of peoplemdashthey just need to find it So while a mediocre leaderrsquos goal is to overcome weaknesses theexcellent leaderrsquos goal is to identify strength and focus on it

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

The best way for a leader to build an effective team is to identify how each one isdifferent and how to successfully incorporate those differences into the overall planof action The strength that each person possesses meets a certain need on the teamGreat managing is not about control but about connection and release

1 Explain what this phrase means ldquoGreat managers understand you canrsquot get thebest out of people by playing lsquocheckersrsquo with themrdquo

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 16

2 Why is it we naturally expect others to be like us Why are we more comfortable with people who are similar to us

3 What are the four qualities that leaders must identify in each team member inorder to play ldquochessrdquo instead of ldquocheckersrdquo

4 Describe the benefits of learning how to capitalize on each personrsquos strengths

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you connect with people based on their unique strengthsBesides giving them personality tests and learning style assessments try observing your group and asking yourself

1 Do I understand the personality of each member Do I see how they work best together

2 Do I know what motivates each one of them

3 Do I recognize the primary strength the individual brings to the group or team

4 Do I realize how they best learn something new

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

M

A

G

E

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W O

[

R

I V

E

R S

A

N

D

F L

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D

S

]

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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M

A

G E

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[

C a

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

page 59

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

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o

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V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

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page 17

E x e r c i s e

Meet with your group and ask them these questions Tell them it will help you play ldquochessrdquo betterhellip

1 For Strengths What was the best day at your job this past year Or describe your perfect job What is it yoursquod really like to do and feel you would do well

2 For Triggers What was the best relationship you ever had with a manager or teacher Whatmade that person so motivating What was the best praise you ever received

3 For Personality When you work on a project with a team what do you like best Gettingresults Just being together Doing the project with excellence Having fun

4 For Style of LearningIn your past jobs when did you feel you were learning the most Why did you learn so much Whatrsquos the best way for you to learn

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

M

A

G

E

T

W O

[

R

I V

E

R S

A

N

D

F L

O

O

D

S

]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

page 6

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

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]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

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$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

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$6amp H- E7 U $1

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8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

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B Y

D R T I M

E L M O R E

I M A G E ST H A T F O R M

L E A D E R S H I P

H A B I T S amp

A T T I T U D E S

T

H

E

A

R

T

O

F

L

E

A

D

I

N

G

O

T

H

E

R

S

[

A

V

A

L

U

E

S

B

A

S

E

D

R

E

S

O

U

R

C

E

]

H A B I T U D E S

3

reg

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I

M

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G

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W O

[

R

I V

E

R S

A

N

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F L

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]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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(1)( 1 26

lt6 5-A-5) 8amp09)(2 0 0 C0amp2) ()8F0- 2 - ()0(1- 0-13 - C053 amp)2ampamp )A)-F0ampamp9 5$) D05E 0F- 9F6

S6 )amp8 0amp))2 2)) 0 -)(9 2 $() $8(0- 0- $0)6

6 )05 )0$ $)$D)(2 )$D(05) )9 0() 0-1 D) -)2 0DF

)$2)ampA)26

5-$6+F- E-$(

)()b2 0 CF- 0$) 0b2 D))- 0(F-1 C( 1)501)26 4b2 50ampamp)1N (F2 0-1 0)6 A)(9-) - ) (F8 $F2 5$) F8 20)$)-2 0 0() (F)

0DF )( 8023 0-1 -) 20)$)- 0 2 0 amp)6 ampamp ()) $F2 2F-1 )IF0ampamp9D)amp)A0Damp)6 ) 0amp 2 20() 0ampamp ()) 20)$)-2 ) ()2 C ) (F8

0-1 ) ) )(2 F)22 (-amp9 0DF 5 20)$)- 02 ) amp)6

a)()b2 0-)( 1)06 UA1) 9F( (F8 - ( $() 2$0ampamp)( )0$26 )-3

A2 0 288- $0ampamp ( 2$) )( 8FDamp5 8amp05)6 70ampamp)-) )05 C ) )0$2 20) 0 25)-) - 0 2() 0 5-A-5)2 )(2 0 0 amp)02 -) C )( )0$

$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

M5)-) gtN gtNgtSN=QlgtNgtNRPh M5)-) ltN gtNSQNltltlgtNSNgtO

4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

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I

M

A

G

E

T

W O

[

R

I V

E

R S

A

N

D

F L

O

O

D

S

]

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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M

A

G E

E

L E

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E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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70(-A0amp2 C)- 0A) $(((2 0 12( ) ()0ampamp9 ampE6 J( amp)01)(2 123 8())-1- ( 82- D) D))( 0- )9 ()0ampamp9 0()6 [F( 50(05)( 2 )

(F) ()Camp)5- C ) 0()6

amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

gt6 )H82) ) ()0amp9 0 $2 8)8amp) 0- $0E) 0 1 $8()22- 2$F5 0 )9 0() ampamp- 12( ( )H0)(0) ) (F 0DF )$2)ampA)2 -

(1)( 1 26

lt6 5-A-5) 8amp09)(2 0 0 C0amp2) ()8F0- 2 - ()0(1- 0-13 - C053 amp)2ampamp )A)-F0ampamp9 5$) D05E 0F- 9F6

S6 )amp8 0amp))2 2)) 0 -)(9 2 $() $8(0- 0- $0)6

6 )05 )0$ $)$D)(2 )$D(05) )9 0() 0-1 D) -)2 0DF

)$2)ampA)26

5-$6+F- E-$(

)()b2 0 CF- 0$) 0b2 D))- 0(F-1 C( 1)501)26 4b2 50ampamp)1N (F2 0-1 0)6 A)(9-) - ) (F8 $F2 5$) F8 20)$)-2 0 0() (F)

0DF )( 8023 0-1 -) 20)$)- 0 2 0 amp)6 ampamp ()) $F2 2F-1 )IF0ampamp9D)amp)A0Damp)6 ) 0amp 2 20() 0ampamp ()) 20)$)-2 ) ()2 C ) (F8

0-1 ) ) )(2 F)22 (-amp9 0DF 5 20)$)- 02 ) amp)6

a)()b2 0-)( 1)06 UA1) 9F( (F8 - ( $() 2$0ampamp)( )0$26 )-3

A2 0 288- $0ampamp ( 2$) )( 8FDamp5 8amp05)6 70ampamp)-) )05 C ) )0$2 20) 0 25)-) - 0 2() 0 5-A-5)2 )(2 0 0 amp)02 -) C )( )0$

$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4950

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

M5)-) gtN gtNgtSN=QlgtNgtNRPh M5)-) ltN gtNSQNltltlgtNSNgtO

4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 5

Rivers and FloodsFloods and rivers are both bodies of water Floods damage Rivers are

useful in many ways The difference Focus Leaders must channel people

time and money toward one focused vision

I have a picture indelibly etched in my memory When I was a kid I remember ahorrifying flood sweeping through a town not far from where we lived I watchedthe TV intently as reporters showed the expanding body of murky water runthrough streets over yards and into houses restaurants and stores The rushing water

seemed to demolish everything in its path In my mind I can still see peoplestanding on the tops of their cars weeping as they watched their homes collapseand float awaymdashpiece by piece

What started as a simple rainstorm ended up filling the nearby rivers and eventually flowing unmercifully into neighborhoods and strip malls I remember thinkingHow can such a simple thing as water do such damage Some of my friends took a while to recover from the flood One of them in fact wanted nothing to do with water for over a year For him a large body of water without some boundary was

a frightening thing

This is a picture of an important leadership principle Many organizations begin very focused like a river The leaders possess an idea they want to implement Soonhowever in their zeal to grow they begin expanding far beyond the boundaries of their initial vision If they are good at making widgets they reason why not makeother products as well Before long in the name of meeting needs generatingrevenue or just plain growthmdashthey become a flood instead of a river They lose all

focus and sprawl out in every direction Like a flood they end up damaging thingsFloods can be shallow unrestrained muddy and harmful

Far too many organizations become floods Take IBM for instance In thebeginning when IBM focused on mainframe computers the company made a tonof money By the 1980s however IBM expanded their product line and barely brokeeven In 1991 they were making more products than ever yet the company woundup losing $28 billion Thatrsquos almost $8 million a day

IMAGE TWO

[ RIVERS AND FLOODS ]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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70(-A0amp2 C)- 0A) $(((2 0 12( ) ()0ampamp9 ampE6 J( amp)01)(2 123 8())-1- ( 82- D) D))( 0- )9 ()0ampamp9 0()6 [F( 50(05)( 2 )

(F) ()Camp)5- C ) 0()6

amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

gt6 )H82) ) ()0amp9 0 $2 8)8amp) 0- $0E) 0 1 $8()22- 2$F5 0 )9 0() ampamp- 12( ( )H0)(0) ) (F 0DF )$2)ampA)2 -

(1)( 1 26

lt6 5-A-5) 8amp09)(2 0 0 C0amp2) ()8F0- 2 - ()0(1- 0-13 - C053 amp)2ampamp )A)-F0ampamp9 5$) D05E 0F- 9F6

S6 )amp8 0amp))2 2)) 0 -)(9 2 $() $8(0- 0- $0)6

6 )05 )0$ $)$D)(2 )$D(05) )9 0() 0-1 D) -)2 0DF

)$2)ampA)26

5-$6+F- E-$(

)()b2 0 CF- 0$) 0b2 D))- 0(F-1 C( 1)501)26 4b2 50ampamp)1N (F2 0-1 0)6 A)(9-) - ) (F8 $F2 5$) F8 20)$)-2 0 0() (F)

0DF )( 8023 0-1 -) 20)$)- 0 2 0 amp)6 ampamp ()) $F2 2F-1 )IF0ampamp9D)amp)A0Damp)6 ) 0amp 2 20() 0ampamp ()) 20)$)-2 ) ()2 C ) (F8

0-1 ) ) )(2 F)22 (-amp9 0DF 5 20)$)- 02 ) amp)6

a)()b2 0-)( 1)06 UA1) 9F( (F8 - ( $() 2$0ampamp)( )0$26 )-3

A2 0 288- $0ampamp ( 2$) )( 8FDamp5 8amp05)6 70ampamp)-) )05 C ) )0$2 20) 0 25)-) - 0 2() 0 5-A-5)2 )(2 0 0 amp)02 -) C )( )0$

$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4950

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

M5)-) gtN gtNgtSN=QlgtNgtNRPh M5)-) ltN gtNSQNltltlgtNSNgtO

4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Itrsquos interesting This rule of leadership is counter intuitive It works the oppositeof what we might think It seems logical that enlarging product lines wouldalways mean greater profit Itrsquos actually the other way around Staying focused on your central vision and strength is the key to growth The airline industry is a goodexample ldquoPeople Expressrdquo launched as an airline that focused on no frills low cost

flights At the first taste of success they decided to expand beyond that vision They began to provide first class seats food etc Their profits dropped In fact they wentout of business

In contrast Southwest Airlines entered the industry with a clear focused visionsimilar to People Express Yet they stuck to their strengths and for years theyrsquovebeen a rare profitable company in the airline business Southwest Airlines refusedto diversify they remained a river Rivers are much more narrow than floods They

move in one direction They are a source for both electricity and transportation Why Vision and focus Leaders must own a focused vision or the organization will spill-out in too many directions If the leader isnrsquot focused the team will chaseafter every new idea They will fall prey to every vendor wanting to capitalize onthe success Clear and focused vision harnesses energy Just watch your team for a while People lose energy when their direction in life is fuzzy But they get energized when they catch a clear vision

Just over fifty years ago Walt Disney gathered his inner-circle to share his idea of

building ldquoDisneylandrdquo It would be known as the ldquohappiest place on earthrdquo Waltrsquos vision was clear and focused As his team began to get excited about the visionhowever one of the members asked ldquoWho are you gonna get to build itrdquoConfidently Walt responded ldquoI know exactly who I want to build it Find me theman who helped put the US Navy back in the Pacific after the bombing of PearlHarbor I figure he can do itrdquo

It didnrsquot take long for Waltrsquos team to identify this man His name was Joe Fowler Admiral Joe Fowler Retired Admiral Joe Fowler When Disney showed up atFowlerrsquos door and challenged him to build a theme park Joe laughed ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo Disney quickly realized this guy was goingto require some work Placing pictures on the wall Walt began to storyboardDescribing in great detail the feel look smell sound and even taste of the parkmdash Joe bought in He stepped out of retirement and oversaw Disneylandrsquos construction

Twenty years later the idea of Disney World was proposedmdashand can you guess who was hired to supervise the project Joe Fowler This time he was 77 years old When

the Disney team approached him a second time he sighed again ldquoYou donrsquotunderstand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But as pictures were posted and the vision was cast for their biggest project yet Joe couldnrsquot help but buy in He ditchedretirement again and oversaw the building of Disney World

The story goes on Ten years later EPCOT was built in Orlando Disney once againlooked to Joe Fowler to lead the construction He was now 87 years old Joe

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

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]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

M5)-) gtN gtNgtSN=QlgtNgtNRPh M5)-) ltN gtNSQNltltlgtNSNgtO

4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

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page 7

repeated his objection ldquoYou donrsquot understand Irsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo But Disney knew Joe was the man His team communicated the clear focused vision again Joelit up stepped out of retirement and oversaw the project

What a picture of the energy that accompanies clear vision Joersquos favorite phrase

ldquoIrsquom retired Irsquom throughrdquo was changed to ldquoYou donrsquot have to die lsquotil you want tordquoHmmm I often wonder how much energy remains bottled up in people becausethey never learn to focus or they just plain fail to tap into a clear vision

Here is the irony of this principle My friend Mike Kendrick explained it with thefollowing phrase What you focus on expands Read that sentence again Now think about it If I tell you to focus on finding Toyota Camrys on the road you will noticethese cars everywhere Why Because what you focus on expands So the goal of a leader is to focus not expand Growth is a product of focus Clarify the vision

Focus your people time energy and resources Remember this just because youCAN do something doesnrsquot mean you SHOULD Intensify Donrsquot diversify

In order to accomplish this focus itrsquos important to zero in on a handful of wordsIn fact maybe just one word (or concept) that becomes your own It describes youridentity and vision Some of the best selling products on the market ldquoownrdquo such words Crest toothpaste owns the word ldquocavitiesrdquo FedEx owns the word ldquoovernightrdquoVolvo owns the words ldquoautomobile safetyrdquo As they focus their energies on a single

concept these companies go deeper and expand in one area They are like a rivermoving in one direction And being a river is about clear vision and a sharp focus

R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

Many organizations begin very focused like a river but as they expand they losetheir initial vision and become a flood Using the examples that were given in thischapter what are some of the benefits of a clear focused vision

Try to think of organizationsmdasheither historical or currentmdashwho lost their visionList them below with a brief explanation of how you believe they lost their vision

What was the end result

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

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Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

page 59

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 8

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

The water in a river represents the people time energy and resources invested in your organization So if yoursquore going to be a river yoursquove got to channel your water well Consider these questions

How many activities are you trying to perform How about your organization How thin have you spread yourself Are you more like a flood or a river

What should you cut out of your life or trim back in order to be more productive

Herersquos the challenge Ask yourself What word do we own Ask outsiders what wordcomes to mind when they think of your organization

E x e r c i s e

Consider an organization yoursquore involved with and discuss within your team theldquowordrdquo that most clearly describes your vision Whatrsquos your focus Do you think your customers would agree

Just for fun clump your group together and tie a rope around them Lead the groupoutside and see if they can stay together Do they listen to you Does each persontry to go their own direction or do they focus on working together

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

lt

3amp-5(6$6 $1 3amp-5-6-5

ZF $09 ()$)$D)( )- 9F C(2 CF()1 F ) 1CC)()-5) D)))- 0

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)- $9 25)-5) )05)( D(F $9 0)-- - ) CF( (01)6 T8 F-amp

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F( ampA- ($ 0ampamp 0 X$ 0-1 U01 Famp1 C11amp) )- -2

( 5amp16 4bampamp -)A)( C() )- C(2 10-)1 - $) 0 amp) D 01

2$)- 1 ) )$8)(0F() GG )9 )() CF-10$)-0ampamp9 1CC)()-6 ))($20 2) ) )$8)(0F()6 ) )($$))( -amp9 ()Camp)5)1 0 )

)$8)(0F() 026

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)9 cF2 $((( D05E 0 5amp$0)6

)01)(23 - ) )( 0-13 0() 8)8amp) 1)51) 0E) ampC) ) -)H amp)A)amp6

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2$) 0 1))($-) ) 0F1)2 C )(23 cF2 D9 )( 8()2)-5) - ) )

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)($206

M3 1 ) 1 2W )01)(2 0() _)($202` 0A) 1)A)amp8)1 A0ampF)2 0-1

8(-58amp)2 )9 ampA) D96 )9 0() 0F)-56 ) (1 _0F)-5` 5$)2 C($ )( (1 _ 0F(6` 4 $)0-2 () 9F( - 2(93 - 589 2$)-) )amp2)6

^)- 2$)-) -2 0 2) C A0ampF)23 b2 ampE) )9 0A) 0 $(0amp 5$8022 - )

-21) 0 F1)2 )$ - )( 1)52-26 J)8amp) ()28)5 2) 0() A0ampF)2G

1(A)- 0-1 8(-58amp)G5)-)()16 ^)- amp)01)(2 C0amp 1)A)amp8 A0ampF)23 (0)19

0amp$2 0amp092 Campamp26 B 20(3 eD) (90-3 01$)1 -088(8(0)

E$B- G5

J)8amp) 0() ))( )($$))(2 (

)($2026 )9 ampamp $)()amp9 ()Camp)5 )5amp$0) 0(F-1 )$ ( )9 ampamp 2) 6

)01)(2 1)A)amp8 A0ampF)2 0-1 8(-58amp)2

ampA) D93 0-1 2) ) -) C( )(26

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4550

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S

D)0A( 0 9F- $0- - fFamp9 C lt==S6 4(-50ampamp93 cF2 ))E2 D)C() )

01$)1 2 8( 1)52-3 ) 28E) - d 0DF $8(0- 2 C(0amp))2 D) )H0$8amp)2 C( E12 1096 [F56 0ampE 2 5)086

Z)0(2 03 0 D9 () F8 - 0 f)2 $)3 05- )A)(9- 2 C0)( 116

A1)-amp93 2 101 11-b ()0ampi) ) -CampF)-5) ) 016 )9 0)-1)1 29-0F)

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1)51)1 cF2 25 0 1CC)()- ()ampF2 D)amp)C6 a) 201 02 -amp9 0 09 C$))- DF2-)22 5-052 0-9096 2 C0)(b2 C0ampF() ampA) D9 A0ampF)2 F21) C

2 - D)-)C amp)1 2 2- IF)2- $(0amp93 )52 0-1 ()amp-6 2 ) ()

F83 ) D)amp)A)1 0 ()amp- 02 0 _5(F5` C( ) $022)26 a) () 0 $-)9

02 D)-1 0-9- $)0--CFamp - ) (amp16 ) D9b2 -0$) 02 e0(amp X0(H3 0-1

) amp)1 $ampamp-2 C 8)8amp) - 0 1)2(F5A) D)amp)C 292)$ 1F(- ) lt= 5)-F(9

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) 8(Damp)$ 02 2$8amp)6 e0(amp X0(Hb2 C0)( 01 5()0)1 0 2) C A0ampF)2 D9 1)C0Famp3

- D9 1)2-6 a) 11-b -E (F 0 02 D)2 C( 2 C0$amp9 ( 2

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$0E- 8)8amp) D)amp)A) ) 5Famp1 D) 0 (F2)1 )($206

B($0- 7F2-23 8(CF-1amp9 $805)1 ) C)amp1 C $)15-) 2125A)()2 C ) 8)( C F( )$-2 0-1 A0ampF)23 ()$-12 F2 0 $)150amp

25amp 2F1)-2 C)- 1)25(D) ) -0F() C )( 5F(2)2 02 _0(1` ( _2C`

5F(2)26 ) 5amp022)2 0 0() 5-21)()1 _0(1` 0() -)2 ampE) 0-0$93

D5)$2(9 0-1 892526 ) -)2 0 0() C)- 1)25(D)1 02 _2C` 0() )520-1 80)-G89250- ()amp0-2826lt 4-)()2-amp93 0 1)501) ( 0C)(

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$0- 0 )A)(9-) )amp2) 2 1-W ^0 )amp82 2$) D()0E C()) C($

2 )-1)-59 Damp)-1 -W

)+1B =--lt-5

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4650

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209 2 0DF F26

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C)- - ampC)6 () 9F 0 )($20 052 D02)1 - 8(-58amp)2 0-1 A0ampF)2 9F)$D(05)3 ( 1 9F ()05 2F0-2 ampE) 0 )($$))(3 ()Camp)5- )

)$8)(0F() - ) ($W g0) 9F(2)ampC D)amp6 ^9 11 9F A) 9F(2)ampC 0)A0ampF0-W

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8-974((-((-16

e-79-6 $1 e-(lt1 B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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R

U 9F 0A) 0 2) C 5() A0ampF)2W 4C -3 9 - D)- 0 amp2 C 9F( A0ampF)2 D)amp6

) $) A) 9F 2$) F1)amp-)23 D)C() 9F D)- ()N

gt6 d0ampF)2 50- D) 1)C-)1 2$8amp) (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F

1))8amp9 D)amp)A)6lt6 d0ampF)2 0() (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F ampA) D9 ( 0 9F 0-

ampA) D96

S6

d0ampF)2 0() D)amp)C2 0 1)C-) 9F 0() 0-1 0() F1)amp-)2 C( 9F(

D 1)52-26

6 d0ampF)2 0() 2(-)( 0- F2 ( 8--26 )9 0() 1)0amp2 C 9F

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9F( ampC)6

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A0ampF)26

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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8$5L

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(F) ()Camp)5- C ) 0()6

amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

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(1)( 1 26

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5-$6+F- E-$(

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$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

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$6amp H- E7 U $1

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4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

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amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Page 23: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

page 59

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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(01F0-3 2) 20$) 15(2 125A)( )() )-12 D) 0- -A)(2- - )(

$-126 ^0 )9 -5) 5-21)()1 _0(1` - 2 2C 0-1 A5) A)(206 )

E-amp)1) D02) C $)15-) 2 0amp092 50--3 DF ) _2C` 2FDc)52 ()0(1-

A0ampF)2 0-1 ()amp0-282 )-1 D) )-1F(-6 A)(9-) 02 CF() F )9

8amp0- ampA) )( ampA)2 0-1 0 ) 5$8022 ampamp D) 0 F1)2 )( 50())(26

4- ) )H)(52) 0 ) )-1 C 2 508)(3 4 50ampamp)-) 9F $0E) 0 amp2 C (12

0 D)2 1)25(D) ) 8)(2- 9F 2 D)5$)6 )2) (12 0() ) D)---C 9F( 8)(2-0amp _5() A0ampF)26` )9 50- D) F1- 8(-58amp)2 )amp8 9F $0E)

1)52-2 - 9F( ampC)6 )- - -E 0DF 0 (12 9F Famp1 0- D)9F( _5$8022` - ) -21) )-0Damp- 9F D) 0 )($206

+B =-$9 K-(6+12 ^9 1 $2 8)8amp) ()$0- )($$))(23 cF2

$0- 0 )A)(9-) )amp2) 2 1-W ^0 )amp82 2$) D()0E C()) C($

2 )-1)-59 Damp)-1 -W

)+1B =--lt-5

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4650

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

X2 8)8amp) )H8)5 0amp))2 ampA) D9 20-10(12 ( A0ampF)26 )9 2)) )$ 02 (amp)

$1)amp2 C( E126 42 2 0 (amp) 9F )$D(05)W

X0-9 0amp))2 209 )9 - 0 2) C A0ampF)23 DF )- 1-b ampA) D9 ) A0ampF)2 )95amp0$6 ^9 2 )() 0 08 D)))- 0 ) 209 0-1 0 ) 1W ^9 2985(29 2 1CC5Famp 0A1W

^0 1)2 0E) ampA) D9 0 2) C A0ampF)2W

9F- (amp 0-1 )( 101 )() A2- 0- 0$F2)$)- 80(E -) M0F(1096 )90ampE)1 F8 0 D )() 0 $0- 02 F)22- 8)8amp)b2 )6 amp0() 0-1

(0)( )0A9G2) $0- 2)88)1 F83 0-1 ) )$8amp9)) 0)$8)1 F)22 2

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cF2 ltR 8F-126 0 8-3 ) ampamp) (amp 201 )( 101N _E 101m ampamp

$0-6` 2 8)8amp) )H0$-) F( -)(9 0-1 A0ampF)2 GG $09 )9 -)A)( 209 0

0DF F26

0 20$) 0$F2)$)- 80(E3 ) ampamp) (amp 02E)1 )( 101 C( 2$) $-)9 DF9

2$) 5- 50-196 2 2) 0ampE)1 009 C($ ) A)-1(3 0 $0- 20 )(

)( amp0() 5- 50-19 - 0 25E3 0-1 5$$)-)1N _^m a 50- 2F5 0 ampamp)

(amp ampE) 9F )0 0ampamp 0 5- 50-19W`

) (amp cF2 2$amp)1 --5)-amp96 _[3 4b$ $F5 D)( - ) -21) 0- 4 0$ -) F21)6` ^)- 5$)2 F( 50(05)(3 $09 2) E- F2 D) 0Damp)

209 2 0DF F26

0E) 0 $$)- 1 0- -)2 )A0ampF0- - ))( 9F _05` ( _()05` $()

C)- - ampC)6 () 9F 0 )($20 052 D02)1 - 8(-58amp)2 0-1 A0ampF)2 9F)$D(05)3 ( 1 9F ()05 2F0-2 ampE) 0 )($$))(3 ()Camp)5- )

)$8)(0F() - ) ($W g0) 9F(2)ampC D)amp6 ^9 11 9F A) 9F(2)ampC 0)A0ampF0-W

gt lt S R V P Q O gt=)($$))( )($20

8-974((-((-16

e-79-6 $1 e-(lt1 B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4750

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

R

U 9F 0A) 0 2) C 5() A0ampF)2W 4C -3 9 - D)- 0 amp2 C 9F( A0ampF)2 D)amp6

) $) A) 9F 2$) F1)amp-)23 D)C() 9F D)- ()N

gt6 d0ampF)2 50- D) 1)C-)1 2$8amp) (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F

1))8amp9 D)amp)A)6lt6 d0ampF)2 0() (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F ampA) D9 ( 0 9F 0-

ampA) D96

S6

d0ampF)2 0() D)amp)C2 0 1)C-) 9F 0() 0-1 0() F1)amp-)2 C( 9F(

D 1)52-26

6 d0ampF)2 0() 2(-)( 0- F2 ( 8--26 )9 0() 1)0amp2 C 9F

0 9F( D)26R6 d0ampF)2 0() ) --)(GD02)1 8(-58amp)2 0 ampamp CF)amp ) 1()5- C

9F( ampC)6

-E C 2$) (12 0 5Famp1 D) 9F( 5() A0ampF)26 ^() )$ 1-3 0-1 )-

() 0 20)$)- C 0 2) (12 $)0- 9F6 U25F22 0-1 )H8amp0- 9F((F8 9 9F 52) 9F( (126 KM$) 8)8amp) 0A) ()- -F-2 ampE)

-)(93 (F2- ()amp0-282 ( 2)(A5)6 [)(2 0A) 52)- 01c)5A)2 ampE)

)-)(F23 50(- ( 0(1G(E-6 4 1)2-b $0)( GG cF2 D) 5-22)-6L

4C 9Fb() - ()019 C( 2 )H)(52)3 (9 2 50ampamp)-)6 + C-1 0- (0-i0-3

5$80-9 ( )0$ 0 2 2F55)22CFamp6 4 D)amp)A) 0 C 9F E ) $) 8F2

(F 0ampamp ) 05A)23 2)(A5)23 8((0$23 ( 8(1F523 2-)( ( amp0)( 9F ampamp

5$) C05)GGC05) 0 8)(2- 02 - 5-CF2- 0DF )9 0() ( 0

)9 0() 0DF6 ^() 1- 0 9F D2)(A) 0DF 0 amp)01)( ( 505 0-1 )(

A0ampF)26

R-5+(- B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

V

3amp- G1 C(- H+555

3-$amp+1B E$B- G+F-

8$5L

70(-A0amp2 C)- 0A) $(((2 0 12( ) ()0ampamp9 ampE6 J( amp)01)(2 123 8())-1- ( 82- D) D))( 0- )9 ()0ampamp9 0()6 [F( 50(05)( 2 )

(F) ()Camp)5- C ) 0()6

amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

gt6 )H82) ) ()0amp9 0 $2 8)8amp) 0- $0E) 0 1 $8()22- 2$F5 0 )9 0() ampamp- 12( ( )H0)(0) ) (F 0DF )$2)ampA)2 -

(1)( 1 26

lt6 5-A-5) 8amp09)(2 0 0 C0amp2) ()8F0- 2 - ()0(1- 0-13 - C053 amp)2ampamp )A)-F0ampamp9 5$) D05E 0F- 9F6

S6 )amp8 0amp))2 2)) 0 -)(9 2 $() $8(0- 0- $0)6

6 )05 )0$ $)$D)(2 )$D(05) )9 0() 0-1 D) -)2 0DF

)$2)ampA)26

5-$6+F- E-$(

)()b2 0 CF- 0$) 0b2 D))- 0(F-1 C( 1)501)26 4b2 50ampamp)1N (F2 0-1 0)6 A)(9-) - ) (F8 $F2 5$) F8 20)$)-2 0 0() (F)

0DF )( 8023 0-1 -) 20)$)- 0 2 0 amp)6 ampamp ()) $F2 2F-1 )IF0ampamp9D)amp)A0Damp)6 ) 0amp 2 20() 0ampamp ()) 20)$)-2 ) ()2 C ) (F8

0-1 ) ) )(2 F)22 (-amp9 0DF 5 20)$)- 02 ) amp)6

a)()b2 0-)( 1)06 UA1) 9F( (F8 - ( $() 2$0ampamp)( )0$26 )-3

A2 0 288- $0ampamp ( 2$) )( 8FDamp5 8amp05)6 70ampamp)-) )05 C ) )0$2 20) 0 25)-) - 0 2() 0 5-A-5)2 )(2 0 0 amp)02 -) C )( )0$

$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4950

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

M5)-) gtN gtNgtSN=QlgtNgtNRPh M5)-) ltN gtNSQNltltlgtNSNgtO

4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

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I

M

A

G E

E

L E

V

E

N

[

C a

t h

e

d r

a

l B u

i

l

d i n

g

]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

page 59

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4650

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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5$) C05)GGC05) 0 8)(2- 02 - 5-CF2- 0DF )9 0() ( 0

)9 0() 0DF6 ^() 1- 0 9F D2)(A) 0DF 0 amp)01)( ( 505 0-1 )(

A0ampF)26

R-5+(- B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

V

3amp- G1 C(- H+555

3-$amp+1B E$B- G+F-

8$5L

70(-A0amp2 C)- 0A) $(((2 0 12( ) ()0ampamp9 ampE6 J( amp)01)(2 123 8())-1- ( 82- D) D))( 0- )9 ()0ampamp9 0()6 [F( 50(05)( 2 )

(F) ()Camp)5- C ) 0()6

amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

gt6 )H82) ) ()0amp9 0 $2 8)8amp) 0- $0E) 0 1 $8()22- 2$F5 0 )9 0() ampamp- 12( ( )H0)(0) ) (F 0DF )$2)ampA)2 -

(1)( 1 26

lt6 5-A-5) 8amp09)(2 0 0 C0amp2) ()8F0- 2 - ()0(1- 0-13 - C053 amp)2ampamp )A)-F0ampamp9 5$) D05E 0F- 9F6

S6 )amp8 0amp))2 2)) 0 -)(9 2 $() $8(0- 0- $0)6

6 )05 )0$ $)$D)(2 )$D(05) )9 0() 0-1 D) -)2 0DF

)$2)ampA)26

5-$6+F- E-$(

)()b2 0 CF- 0$) 0b2 D))- 0(F-1 C( 1)501)26 4b2 50ampamp)1N (F2 0-1 0)6 A)(9-) - ) (F8 $F2 5$) F8 20)$)-2 0 0() (F)

0DF )( 8023 0-1 -) 20)$)- 0 2 0 amp)6 ampamp ()) $F2 2F-1 )IF0ampamp9D)amp)A0Damp)6 ) 0amp 2 20() 0ampamp ()) 20)$)-2 ) ()2 C ) (F8

0-1 ) ) )(2 F)22 (-amp9 0DF 5 20)$)- 02 ) amp)6

a)()b2 0-)( 1)06 UA1) 9F( (F8 - ( $() 2$0ampamp)( )0$26 )-3

A2 0 288- $0ampamp ( 2$) )( 8FDamp5 8amp05)6 70ampamp)-) )05 C ) )0$2 20) 0 25)-) - 0 2() 0 5-A-5)2 )(2 0 0 amp)02 -) C )( )0$

$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4950

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

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$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

M5)-) gtN gtNgtSN=QlgtNgtNRPh M5)-) ltN gtNSQNltltlgtNSNgtO

4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

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page 57

Cathedral Building Most builders see only the paycheck or the task in front of themGreat builders see the big picture theyrsquore building a cathedralLeaders maintain a perspective beyond their own limited vision andchange the culture

A man strolled along a downtown street one day He enjoyed all the hustle andbustle of the city filled with street vendors during the day and bright lights inthe evening He loved the sounds of the streets the sights of the advertisements

everywhere the feel of people moving about and the taste of the hot pretzelshe munched on as he walked to his apartment He even liked the smell of thedowntown area where he worked It carried the feeling of growth and changeand progress

This particular day he decided to walk a different route home and he noticeda new structure going up along the street From the work done so far he couldtell it promised to be a large building very ornate and probably quite importantHe got curious so he decided to inquire what kind of building was going up

He walked up to a construction worker and asked what he was doing Withouteven looking up the builder replied ldquoIrsquom laying bricks what does it look likerdquo

Obviously this wasnrsquot the answer this man was looking for so he locateda second worker and approached him with the same question The workergrunted obviously in a bad mood ldquoHmph Irsquom drawing a paycheckrdquo

This still wasnrsquot the answer the man was seeking so he thought hersquod give it onemore try He tapped a third construction worker on the shoulder and asked

the same question ldquoWhat are you doingrdquo This time he got the answer he waslooking for The builder looked up toward the sky and with a gleam in his eyehe responded ldquoIrsquom building a cathedralrdquo1

Therersquos a lesson in this little story for leaders Consider these three construction workers None of them were lying when they responded to the question ldquoWhatare you doingrdquo

IMAGE ELEVEN

[ Cathedral Building ]

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 58

However the first one only perceived his work from a logistical perspective Heonly saw what he was doing personally The second could only see his work froma tactical viewpoint The outcome of his work was a paycheckmdashwhich was theonly reason he showed up for work The third worker however was able to see thebig picture and how his personal effort was part of something bigger than he was

These three perspectives are central to understanding culture I use militaryterms to describe them Let me define these terms so you can evaluate howfolks are motivated on your team

1 Logistical This is the ldquohere and nowrdquo perspective I only see whatrsquos in front of metoday

2 Tactical This perspective is broader and futuristic but is still limited to my world

3 Strategic This is the big-picture perspective that enables me to see howeverything fits into the overall plan

When leaders can move people beyond their own personal tasks to see the bigpicture it not only helps to align everyonersquos work it accelerates the creation of

a desired culture Part of the key to building a culture stems from the leaderrsquosability to communicate clear vision for how every team member fits intothe plan It also diminishes a ldquoprima donnardquo attitude and selfish territorialbehavior It enables team members to help each other because they thinkoutside of their own ldquoboxrdquo All cultures require someone to maintain the bigpicture and to move others toward the big picture

When leaders fail to provide perspective people will likely act in their owninterests Just ask Earl Weaver Earl was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles

baseball team more than thirty years ago One of his bright young stars wasReggie Jackson Reggie reached first base one night and desperately wantedto steal second He knew he could do it against the opposing pitcher but Earl Weaver never gave him the signal to steal Earl had set a rule that no one wasto steal a base without his signal Reggie was fuming because his managerobviously didnrsquot recognize how fast he was Finally he decided to steal withouta signal He got a good jump and sped toward second base sliding inhellipsafeHe got up and brushed the dirt off his uniform feeling justified for making the

decision on his own Now everyone saw how fast he was

When the inning was over Earl motioned for Reggie to come over and talk When they met Earl said ldquoReggie I knew you were fast enough to steal off ofthat pitcher I didnrsquot give you the signal for two reasons First if you stole second yoursquod open up first base allowing our opposition to intentionally walk Lee Mayour best power hitter besides you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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2$) 0 1))($-) ) 0F1)2 C )(23 cF2 D9 )( 8()2)-5) - ) )

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)($206

M3 1 ) 1 2W )01)(2 0() _)($202` 0A) 1)A)amp8)1 A0ampF)2 0-1

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1(A)- 0-1 8(-58amp)G5)-)()16 ^)- amp)01)(2 C0amp 1)A)amp8 A0ampF)23 (0)19

0amp$2 0amp092 Campamp26 B 20(3 eD) (90-3 01$)1 -088(8(0)

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4550

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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R

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ampA) D96

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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(1)( 1 26

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82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

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B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

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4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Page 27: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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When they did just that it took the bat right out of his hands Second our nexthitter wasnrsquot doing well against their pitcher forcing me to use a pinch hitter tomove runners up This ruined my plans for using him at a different spot later inthe gamerdquo Earl paused then finished ldquoReggiemdashremember that you see the gamefrom your own angle but I see the big picture Next time wait for my signalrdquo

In 2002 the Anaheim Angels surprised everyone and won the World SeriesManager Mike Soscia said later that it was all about creating a new cultureon the team He didnrsquot have any big names on the team but he knew if theycould forget their personal stats for a season and play as a team they couldgo all the way Mike began casting vision for the big picture to his players inFebruary Next he began to reward players who moved runners up on base andpenalize hitters who failed to do it Beginning in April he posted team results

on how well his guys were playing rather than personal statistics He only hadto do this for one month The culture began to change That year with no bigsuperstars the Angels won the World Series Why Because some free agentsand average players got together and acted on the big picture While talent isimportant playing as a team is far more important to winning championshipsIndividuals win trophies but teams win championships

This is the job of leadershipmdashmoving people from logistical to tacticalto strategic thinking Providing every team member a perspective that

empowers them to act unselfishly to use their talent for something biggerthan themselves and to see how even a little job contributes toward a veryimportant mission Leaders who contagiously spread this vision change theirorganizational culture

In 1961 President John F Kennedy did the unthinkable In a speech he cast vision for putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade Thestoryrsquos been told over and over but at the time he cast this vision the USdidnrsquot even have the technology to do it However his big-picture perspective was infectious Immediately the team at NASA focused their energies onthis monumental mission Staff members who for years ldquofelt like a piece offurniturerdquo began to display unusual performancemdashall because of this visionIt turned average workers into extraordinary workers To this day NASA hasthis revolutionary performance leap on record

A year after President Kennedy cast the moon-landing vision he visited NASAto check on their progress As he walked the halls he ventured into a small

room accidentally Everyone in his entourage followed him after all he wasthe president When he entered the room he saw a custodian with a broomHe reached out to shake his hand and asked what his job was The custodianpaused then smiled and replied ldquoIrsquom putting a man on the moon Mr Presidentrdquo

I love it The custodian got it Sounds like a cathedral builder to me

page 59

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

V

3amp- G1 C(- H+555

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8$5L

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amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

gt6 )H82) ) ()0amp9 0 $2 8)8amp) 0- $0E) 0 1 $8()22- 2$F5 0 )9 0() ampamp- 12( ( )H0)(0) ) (F 0DF )$2)ampA)2 -

(1)( 1 26

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)$2)ampA)26

5-$6+F- E-$(

)()b2 0 CF- 0$) 0b2 D))- 0(F-1 C( 1)501)26 4b2 50ampamp)1N (F2 0-1 0)6 A)(9-) - ) (F8 $F2 5$) F8 20)$)-2 0 0() (F)

0DF )( 8023 0-1 -) 20)$)- 0 2 0 amp)6 ampamp ()) $F2 2F-1 )IF0ampamp9D)amp)A0Damp)6 ) 0amp 2 20() 0ampamp ()) 20)$)-2 ) ()2 C ) (F8

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$)$D)(2 2 2$)-) 0 )9 0() -6 ]( -20-5)3 -) )0$ $)$D)( 5Famp1

82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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+$5 +$5

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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R e f l e c t a n d R e s p o n d

1 Most leaders begin well They enter a project with good perspective Over timehowever they lose it as they face obstacles How does facing a challenge distractpeople from the big-picture goals theyrsquove set

2 During tough times most people can only see the immediate crisis They seeonly the immediate ldquofelt needrdquo not the big-picture need Name a time thishas happened to you

3 What enables a leader to see the big picture

4 Are you naturally a ldquobig-picturerdquo person or a ldquodetailrdquo person How does thisaffect your actions

page 60

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

lt

3amp-5(6$6 $1 3amp-5-6-5

ZF $09 ()$)$D)( )- 9F C(2 CF()1 F ) 1CC)()-5) D)))- 0

)($$))( 0-1 0 )($203 - 9F( $)6 2 0 E13 4 D)0- F-1)(20-1

)- $9 25)-5) )05)( D(F $9 0)-- - ) CF( (01)6 T8 F-amp

)-3 4 cF2 E-) F( $) 01 0 )($$))( 0-- F21) C F( D05E 800 amp1 F2 0 )$8)(0F() 02 F21)6 -13 4 E-) ) 01 0 ampamp) DH -

F( ampA- ($ 0ampamp 0 X$ 0-1 U01 Famp1 C11amp) )- -2

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 61

S e l f - A s s e s s m e n t

Evaluate how well you embrace and pass on a big-picture perspective How do you see your job

1 Logistical

Whatrsquos your immediate job in front of you now

2 Tactical Whatrsquos your departmental job this year

3 Strategic Whatrsquos the ultimate job or mission over the long haul

E x e r c i s e

The next time you meet with your team take a moment and ask them what their job is Then ask them what the mission is for your organization Finally ask themhow their job fits into the big-picture mission of your organization See if you getany surprises Discuss what your team members said

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

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(1)( 1 26

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B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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2093 (E 02 0(1 02 )(2 (E3 0-1 A0ampF) -2 0 )(2 A0ampF)6 [3 )() 0()2amp A0(0-26 F $2 8)8amp) 1-b 2) ) _5amp$0)` C( ) (amp1 )9 ampA) -6

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)01)(23 - ) )( 0-13 0() 8)8amp) 1)51) 0E) ampC) ) -)H amp)A)amp6

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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ampA) D96

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

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$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

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$6amp H- E7 U $1

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4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E O N

E

[ W i n d s

h i el d s an d

R e ar vi e w M i rr or s ]

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

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]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

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2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

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8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 7

Windshields and Rearview MirrorsE983158983141983154983161983151983150983141 983142983151983139983157983155983141983155 983151983150 983155983151983149983141983156983144983145983150983143mdash983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983151983154 983156983144983141 983142983157983156983157983154983141 W983144983141983154983141 983140983151983141983155 983161983151983157983154983141983150983141983154983143983161 983139983151983149983141 983142983154983151983149983103 W983144983141983150 983151983157983154 983140983154983141983137983149983155 983137983154983141 983138983145983143983143983141983154 983156983144983137983150 983151983157983154 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 983159983141983143983137983145983150 983141983150983141983154983143983161 983142983154983151983149 983156983144983141 983144983151983152983141 983156983144983137983156 983148983145983141983155 983137983144983141983137983140 O983142983156983141983150 983159983141 983149983157983155983156 983148983141983156 983143983151 983151983142 983156983144983141983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983142983154983151983149 983151983157983154 983152983137983155983156 983156983151 983149983137983147983141 983152983154983151983143983154983141983155983155

When I was learning to drive my dad noticed something strange about my newfounddriving habits After he taught me to check the rearview mirror before changinglanesmdashso I could see the cars around memdashI got enamored with the whole process

I know it sounds strange but as I drove I kept looking in the rearview mirror Overand over again How cool was it to see what was right behind me (especially if it wasa police car) without having to turn around A simple peek could do it all Well I soonlearned it was dangerous I almost had a wreck My dad had to shout ldquoStop lookingat all the cars behind you and focus on the road ahead of yourdquo

Note to self That was good advice I soon realized that rearview mirrors were good toglance at but not to gaze at Most of the time itrsquos best to look straight ahead

I know two students who graduated from college last year Shane and Evan Theyboth made good grades in school and were very active in clubs and intramural sportsI soon saw one big difference between them however Shane moved right into a joband began building his career He was excited to meet the people on his new teamand learn the ropes of his company Evan didnrsquot move forward quite as well It wasnrsquotthat he couldnrsquot find a jobmdashhe got one right away It was that he never quite let goof his past He continued going back to campus he stayed focused on the events athis alma mater and was preoccupied with his classmates on Facebook None of thatis badmdashbut he never embraced his new role as an employee His teammates at workcould tell he wasnrsquot really engaged No matter what they did Evan just wanted tostay in school mentally

I think Evan had the same problem I did with the rearview mirror He should havebeen glancing at what was behind himmdashbut gazing at what was ahead of him Insteadhe spent most of his time looking backward which prevented him from movingforward In fact you might say he almost had a wreckmdashhis supervisor had to confront

[ Windshields andRearview Mirrors ]

IMAGE ONE

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him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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)($206

M3 1 ) 1 2W )01)(2 0() _)($202` 0A) 1)A)amp8)1 A0ampF)2 0-1

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1(A)- 0-1 8(-58amp)G5)-)()16 ^)- amp)01)(2 C0amp 1)A)amp8 A0ampF)23 (0)19

0amp$2 0amp092 Campamp26 B 20(3 eD) (90-3 01$)1 -088(8(0)

E$B- G5

J)8amp) 0() ))( )($$))(2 (

)($2026 )9 ampamp $)()amp9 ()Camp)5 )5amp$0) 0(F-1 )$ ( )9 ampamp 2) 6

)01)(2 1)A)amp8 A0ampF)2 0-1 8(-58amp)2

ampA) D93 0-1 2) ) -) C( )(26

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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2 - D)-)C amp)1 2 2- IF)2- $(0amp93 )52 0-1 ()amp-6 2 ) ()

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5F(2)26 ) 5amp022)2 0 0() 5-21)()1 _0(1` 0() -)2 ampE) 0-0$93

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4650

$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

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0DF F26

0 20$) 0$F2)$)- 80(E3 ) ampamp) (amp 02E)1 )( 101 C( 2$) $-)9 DF9

2$) 5- 50-196 2 2) 0ampE)1 009 C($ ) A)-1(3 0 $0- 20 )(

)( amp0() 5- 50-19 - 0 25E3 0-1 5$$)-)1N _^m a 50- 2F5 0 ampamp)

(amp ampE) 9F )0 0ampamp 0 5- 50-19W`

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209 2 0DF F26

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C)- - ampC)6 () 9F 0 )($20 052 D02)1 - 8(-58amp)2 0-1 A0ampF)2 9F)$D(05)3 ( 1 9F ()05 2F0-2 ampE) 0 )($$))(3 ()Camp)5- )

)$8)(0F() - ) ($W g0) 9F(2)ampC D)amp6 ^9 11 9F A) 9F(2)ampC 0)A0ampF0-W

gt lt S R V P Q O gt=)($$))( )($20

8-974((-((-16

e-79-6 $1 e-(lt1 B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

R

U 9F 0A) 0 2) C 5() A0ampF)2W 4C -3 9 - D)- 0 amp2 C 9F( A0ampF)2 D)amp6

) $) A) 9F 2$) F1)amp-)23 D)C() 9F D)- ()N

gt6 d0ampF)2 50- D) 1)C-)1 2$8amp) (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F

1))8amp9 D)amp)A)6lt6 d0ampF)2 0() (12 0 1)25(D) 0 9F ampA) D9 ( 0 9F 0-

ampA) D96

S6

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)9 0() 0DF6 ^() 1- 0 9F D2)(A) 0DF 0 amp)01)( ( 505 0-1 )(

A0ampF)26

R-5+(- B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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3amp- G1 C(- H+555

3-$amp+1B E$B- G+F-

8$5L

70(-A0amp2 C)- 0A) $(((2 0 12( ) ()0ampamp9 ampE6 J( amp)01)(2 123 8())-1- ( 82- D) D))( 0- )9 ()0ampamp9 0()6 [F( 50(05)( 2 )

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amp$lt6-5 0Dc-6+F-(

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5-$6+F- E-$(

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82) 02 0 20amp)2 5amp)(E 0-1 8())-1 0 - ) )( )0$ $)$D)(26 2 5Famp1amp)01 ) )0$ $)$D)( 05F0ampamp9 0- - 0 ()0amp 5F2$)(6 C)(0(13 0ampE 0DF

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B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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$ amp$() +(- )01)(23 4-56 789( lt=gt= amp0-03 + 6+(-)01)(265$

P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

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2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

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4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 8

him and ask if he planned to stay long He told Evan he wouldnrsquot make it unless hebuckled down and got serious about his work Ouch

This Habitude is not simply about letting go of the past It is important to sustainfriendships wersquove made along the way We should be grateful for fun memories and

good times Our past will always help shape our future But sometimes the pastcan hold us back If our memories are more important than our dreamsmdashwe are introuble If we prefer to look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield wersquoll getstuckmdashand maybe wreck Holding on to the comfort of our past can keep us fromgrabbing the adventure that lies in our future

Herersquos a question for you Where does your energy come frommdashthe past or the future

Seriously How would you answer that question Some people become fearful about

the future because of a single factor They love the familiar and the comfortable Theyonly get energy from grasping whatrsquos behind them Sadly this confines them and evenenslaves them preventing them from seeing or seizing opportunities new friendshipsor new freedoms they might otherwise enjoy

Years ago a television report revealed how poachers caught monkeys in certain African countries It was quite simple They hollowed out a coconut then made a holein the surface just big enough for a monkeyrsquos hand Next they filled the coconut with jelly beans Then they attached one end of a chain to the coconut and the other end

to a stake driven into the ground The coconut was literally a ball and chain It was atrap As the monkeys sniffed the jelly beans and curiously visited the coconut they were so enraptured by the candy that they didnrsquot notice the chain or stake Finally oneof them would reach into the coconut and grab a handful of the candy At this pointone of the poachers came forward to throw a net around the monkey Surprisinglythe primate could have run away freemdashbut it never did Why It couldnrsquot let go of the jelly beans Freedom was availablemdashbut not achievable because it imprisoned itselfholding on to the candy Sound familiar

A university once conducted a study on ldquopeace of mindrdquo Researchers sought thegreatest factors that contributed to peoplersquos emotional and mental stability The topfive they discovered were

1 Refusing to live in the past

2 The absence of suspicion resentment and regret

3 Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot change

4 Forcing yourself to get involved in the current world around you

5 Refusing to indulge in self-pity

Do you notice a pattern in their findings All five of the factors above have to do withhandling the rearview mirror and the windshield well Letting go of whatrsquos alreadyhappened and embracing whatrsquos in front of you On your journey can you peer out in

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Page 34: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 9

front of you and become excited about the horizon Can you gain more energy fromthe future than the past Based on our qualitative research at Growing Leaders themost common reasons students get ldquostuck in the pastrdquo are

bull They are victims of time They canrsquot seem to break free of old patterns

bull They are victims of relationships They stay involved with people who holdthem back

bull They are victims of comfortnostalgia They fear that their best days arein the past

T983154 983161 T983144 983145 983155 R 983141 983149 983141 983140 983161

In response we recommend the following simple new habits and attitudes

983089 R983141983152983148983137983139983141 983139983151983149983142983151983154983156 983159983145983156983144 983139983157983154983145983151983155983145983156983161 Choose to leave the comfortable to pursue the compelling

Hunt for new horizons to conquer

983090 R983141983146983141983139983156 983138983141983145983150983143 983137 983158983145983139983156983145983149 983151983142 983161983151983157983154 983139983145983154983139983157983149983155983156983137983150983139983141983155 Donrsquot let anyone control your emotions or your response to life

It is your life after all

983091 R983141983150983141983159 983161983151983157983154 983139983151983149983149983145983156983149983141983150983156 983156983151 983141983149983138983154983137983139983141 983151983152983152983151983154983156983157983150983145983156983145983141983155 Hang out with different people Search for new challenges that

will stretch you

983092 R983141983148983145983150983153983157983145983155983144 983156983144983141 983152983137983155983156 983137983150983140 983139983154983141983137983156983141 983150983141983159 983149983141983149983151983154983145983141983155 Perhaps itrsquos time to let go of the old trophies and ribbons and

go earn some new ones

Almost every culture celebrates each new year In ancient Rome the god Janus wasa key symbol (Our month of January is named after him) Interestingly he hadtwo headsmdashone to look forward and the other to look backward You might saythe Romans recognized the value of the rearview mirror and the windshield Lateran Italian custom was born At the stroke of midnight on New Yearrsquos Eve peoplebegan tossing possessions into the streetsmdashanything that held a negative memory orconnotation They simply got rid of it and started anew In doing this they declaredldquoOut with the old letrsquos start freshrdquo Not a bad custom as a new year begins

After speaking at a graduation ceremony I watched the university president handdiplomas to the seniors as they walked across the stage What he said to each ofthem was simple but far more profound than he realized He knew he had to keepthe ceremony progressing so he encouraged them to move quickly across the stage As he gave them their degree he said ldquoCongratulations Keep movingrdquo And so say I Whatever yoursquove done in your pastmdashwell done Now keep moving

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

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]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

httpslidepdfcomreaderfull7-life-skills-students-need-to-succeed 4450

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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) ()2Famp26 ^)() )9 0Damp) 5-A-5) 0-9-) 0 )9 )() 2$)-) )amp2)W

B)2

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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P

HF+- E-$(

+$5 +$5

M5)-) gtN SON=Vl=N==h M5)-) ltN gtN=RNltltlgtN=QNgtQ

4- 2 $A)3 ]amp)5)( g))1) Kf$ 70(()9L 2 0- 0(-)9 1)28)(0)amp9 0-2

$0E) 0 1 $8()22-3 DF 02 D))- 5F(2)1 D9 2 2- $01) 0

2 0 ) 5Famp1 - amp) C( -) )-() 1096 a) 50-b )H0)(0) ) (F (12( 0-9 ()0amp9 GG 0-1 ()AampF-i)2 2 ampC)6

$6amp H- E7 U $1

M5)-) gtN gtNgtSN=QlgtNgtNRPh M5)-) ltN gtNSQNltltlgtNSNgtO

4- 2 $A)3 ](0-E D0-0amp)3 f(6 K)-0(1 U708(L 125A)(2 0 ) 50- 5-

8)8amp) 0- $-)93 C0$)3 $)-3 amp0$(F2 cD23 0-1 8amp)02F() (826 )8(Damp)$ 23 )- ) (2 )0(9 C ampA- 0 amp)3 ) ]4 2 - $ 0-1 b2

amp0) ) F6 D0-0amp) 2)(A)2 $) - 8(2-6

B)2

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page 10

T983137 983148 983147 I 983156 O 983158 983141 983154

Fictional character Marleen Loesje said ldquoThe longer you wait for the future theshorter it will berdquo

1 In your opinion whatrsquos the greatest reason students get stuck in their past

2 Is there any memory or person that holds you back from embracing the future

3 Talk about where your energy comes frommdashthe past or the future Why

4 Can you name a time you saw a student break free from the rearview mirror andlook ahead

A 983155 983155 983141 983155 983155 Y983151 983157 983154 983155 983141 983148 983142 Assess yourself using the criteria below on a scale of 1ndash10 (1 being weak and 10being strong)

a I am keenly aware of where I get my energy1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

b I work through my struggle to overcome my fear of failure1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

c I maintain a healthy sense of adventure and anticipation1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

d I can celebrate the past but I can let go of it to pursue the future1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

T983154 983161 I 983156 O 983157 983156Get in a quiet place with a pad of paper or a computer and make a list of some of your favorite memoriesmdashexperiences achievements friendships etc Make this acolumn on the left side of your document Then take a moment to celebrate thosememories Seriouslymdashrelish the good times yoursquove experienced in your past Nowmake another list on the right This one should contain all the potential memoriesand accomplishments that could lie in front of you if you really put your mind toit Let your imagination expand a bit Consider the new environment you are now

in and dream of what could happen if you applied your time your mind and yourenergy Once you finish compare the two lists Both are something to enjoymdashbutask yourself Would you want to trade the right column for the left one Consider what would happen if you did What would your life look like if you only grasped what was behind you

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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I M A G E

T E

N

[

F

a

c e

b o o

k

o

r T

V

]

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Page 38: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 57

IMAGE TEN

[ Facebook or TV ]

Facebook or TV Is your message a one-way transmittal of information or an invitation

for listeners to enter the conversation The best learning occurs in

a social context People learn best in community and in relationship

with the communicator or fellow listeners Worldview emerges from

interaction

Did you see the movie The Social Network when it came out in October of 2010It was all about how Facebook was launched from a university dorm room by a

couple of Harvard students While Mark Zuckerberg claims therersquos a bunch offiction in the storymdashit remains a testament to one thing People love to interact Wersquore social and love to be connected We love the volley of a conversation and welove to update others on whatrsquos happening in our lives

Compare Facebook or even MySpace (which paved the way for Facebook) withtelevision Do you realize that people spend more time on Facebook and othersuch sites than they do watching TV You read that right We spend more hourson the internet than we do watching television This fact has television network

executives scrambling to discover ways to draw folks back to TV programs Theirresearch has turned up these findings

Social networking sites like Facebook are so effective because

1 Itrsquos about people you know or want to know better 2 It invites interaction and connectivity with others 3 It makes communication simple and fast 4 It allows contact with others to occur in real time

This explains the failure of so many ldquocannedrdquo television programs It also explainsthe presence of more and more ldquorealityrdquo TV shows Itrsquos why shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars allow viewers to vote on who stays on the showIt also illustrates why more and more shows on MTV and VH1 allow people totweet or text the performers as they watch a program to be a part of the action xvi We want to weigh in We want to have a say in the direction of the program Letrsquosget honestmdashsome of us want to be the star

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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Page 39: 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 58

Effective communicators recognize this They know that if theyrsquore going to get amessage across to an audience they must let the people do some of the talkingConsider this fact In conversation talking too much doesnrsquot make a favorableimpression on listeners People who talk too much pay a price and lose a certaindegree of credibility Few people want to sit passively and simply listen to someone

lecture for an hour Great speakers know when to ldquoget off the stagerdquo This simplymeans that when we are communicating we understand when wersquove said enoughfor now and we pause to allow listeners to respond Depending on the size of ouraudience this can be done a number of ways

1 Placing your audience in small groups of three or four to discuss a well-crafted question

2 Choosing a person or two to represent the audience and join you on stage

to interact

3 Allowing for a question-and-answer period during your presentation

4 Providing a way for listeners to tweet or text in comments to the speaker

5 Creating a game or activity for audience members that relates to the topic

H o w E P I C A r e Yo u

The fact is listeners will have less and less mercy for one-way information as timemarches further into the twenty-first century If yoursquore a great communicator they will put up with it longer than they will for average speakers but eventually allaudiences want to respond If they cannot they realize the time theyrsquore spending wonrsquot transform them My friend John McAuley once told me

ldquoThere is no life change without life exchangerdquo

I believe this statement from the bottom of my heart As a rule people must wrestle with a topic themselves not merely sit passively and hear about it from someone The messages that get through are the ones that invite participation from theaudience For almost ten years Irsquove been affirming that Dr Leonard Sweet wascorrect when he said this generation is an EPIC Generation

E ndash Experiential

They donrsquot want a sage on the stage with a lecture but an experience

P ndash Participatory

They want to participate in the outcomes of where a message goes

I ndash Image-rich

They grew up with visual images and prefer them over facts and figures

C ndash Connected

They are connected socially and technologically with people

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 59

Whenever I or one of our Growing Leaders speakers hosts a Habitudes Experience reg

on a school campus we never simply teach Habitudes reg verbally That would missthe point completely We use eight building blocks during the conference includingslides music small-group discussion video personal interviews games paneldiscussion and journal time Whatever the learning style of each audience member

we will touch on it as we allow people to interact with the topic the speaker andeach other Everyone participates

If yoursquove read the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you know the true storyof the Goff family in San Diego and their New Yearrsquos Day Parade More than adecade ago when the kids were young the family sat around bored on New YearrsquosDay Dad decided boredom wasnrsquot fitting for a day that God made so he asked thekids for suggestions and they decided to have a family parade down their smallstreet And as they notified neighbors the family decided NOBODY could watchtheir parade Folks must participate Now the parade is huge Itrsquos an annual streettradition complete with a Grand Marshal and Queen And nobody is allowed to watch Nobody can sit on the curb Everyone marches in the parade Itrsquos a wonderfulstory about how much better life is when we participate xvii

R e s e a r c h S a y s

Loads of relevant research has been done by educators such as Drs Alexander andHelen Astin from UCLA Dr Bill McKeachie from the University of Michigan andDr George Kuh at Indiana University and earlier by Dr Lev Vygotsky from Russia These scholars provide helpful data on how peoplemdashparticularly young peoplemdashlearn best Irsquove listed three of their discoveries below None of them should surprise us

Active Involvement ndash Student success increases with the degree or depthof student engagement in the learning process When we increase the amountof time and energy students must invest in their experience transformation

increases as well

Social Integration ndash Student success is deepened through humaninteraction collaboration and formation of interpersonal relationships amongstudents and members of the community When we increase interaction in theeducational process learning increases

Self-Reflection ndash Student success is strengthened when students reflecton and internalize their learning experiences transforming these experiences

into a form they can apply When we allow time for listeners to reflect on dataretention increases

Recently I spoke at two events on back-to-back evenings My topic was the sameon both nights so I decided to try a little experiment On the first night I providedthe best information I possibly could sharing statistics and stories the audiencecould relate to and even use At the end of the night I could tell people enjoyed it

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 60

but something was still missing Relatively few audience members purchased anybooks or DVDs at the resource table

On the following night I made some changes After my opening comments Iimmediately clustered people in small groups at tables and gave them a question

about themselves to answer They were hooked In fact during the next hourI broke them into groups for discussion and feedback four different times andI ended the night with a question-and-answer time The changes I made weresimplemdashbut they made a world of difference People raved about the night andthey bought loads of books and DVDs afterward They loved it Hmmm I think Iknow what they really loved about the event They got to be the star

I actually believe that motivation already exists inside of everyone Greatcommunicators call people to participate in a topic they value so they can become

the best version of themselves Case in point In his book Drive Daniel Pinkinvites us to imagine it is 1995 Two digital encyclopedias are about to be created The first is from Microsoft a stellar company full of smart people and money It will be sold on CD-ROMs and later online The second will launch in a few yearsdriven not by a company but by thousands of ordinary people who write and editarticles for fun The question is Which of these two products will survive No onein their right mind would have predicted the second onemdashbut thatrsquos actually whathappened In 2009 Microsoft pulled the plug on Encarta but Wikipedia continues

on as motivated people engage in what they love doing Participation is everything

Ta l k I t O v e r

1 Can you think of times you have seen someone practice this principle well

2 What role does interaction play in the communication process

3 How EPIC is your communication Brainstorm a few ways that you could inviteinteraction from listeners

A s s e s s Yo u r s e l f

How interactive is your communication Rate yourself from 1ndash10 with 1 being thelowest score and 10 being the highest score

1 I include opportunities for listeners to give feedbacklt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

2 I invite listeners to interact with one anotherlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

3 I create opportunities for listeners to reflect and processlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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page 61

4 I use a variety of images videos or illustrations to communicatelt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

5 People are more connected as a result of my communicationlt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

6 When speaking I gauge the involvement of listeners and adjust accordinglylt 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 0 gt

Tr y I t O u t

In your next talk find a way to make it EPIC Experiential Participatory Image-rich and Connected Use these four words as a gauge for your message Develop

some creative ways to turn your speech into an experience the audience participatesin connects with others through and learns something from Along the waydevelop two discussion questions Have your audience talk them over somewherein your speech

Because our culture is so participatory keep in mind the classic statement-to-question ratio as you interact with others If you overload your message withone-way statements people must work harder to stay with you Sprinkle questionsthroughout your talk and invite people into the journey To practice when yoursquore

out in public find ways to engage people whether they are a vendor at a store or abarista at Starbucksmdashand begin asking questions and involving them in your life

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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7242019 7 Life Skills Students Need to Succeed

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