FACT DON'T BUY A MAN EXPENSIVE GIFTS

Relationships seminar by: Dr. David Molapo and wife Dr. Mamiki Molapo

7 WRONG REASONS to be in a relationship

1. Pressure 2. Age 3. Loneliness 4. Desperation (this is dangerous coz you end up compromising your values) 5. You are on a rescue mission 6. You are starving for sex 7. You do not have hunger for God

7 Little facts on the dating game

1. Pursue God and not a manJesus Christ is the only one who promises to supply all your needs. You endup with the wrong man because he is saying all the right things to you.

2. Don't be anxious to get marriedWe want to get married so badly. Have you ever asked yourself WHY DO YOU WANT

TO GET MARRIED in the first place? If you don't ask yourself this question, you might marry the wrong person and it is going to COST you. 3. Look for God's timing If it's not God's timing, chilex!! 4. Go fishing in the right pond The rationale behind this is that, once you begin encountering problems in your relationship (coz they will come), you can just ask the Holy Spirit to speak to him on your behalf. It's not easy. She referred us to II Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness... 5. Develop the qualities you seek in a mate Write them down but cultivate them first in you. 6. Cut your losses early The sooner you find out that the person you're with lacks some of your values, e.g. finding out that you are not the only one he loves, CUT IT OFF RIGHT THERE, because otherwise you will start begging him, trying to compete and you will start opening yourself up for abuse. It doesn't get better, it only gets worse. Not worth it!! 7. Don't try to make a relationship Don't try to force a relationship

Don't say things like, Will you be coming to see me? When are you coming to see me? Please come see me. It's not your place. Don't try to buy a relationship Don't buy a man expensive gifts.

10 things women want in a relationship 1. Faithfulness 2. Leadership 3. Respect 4. Family man 5. A provider 6. Honesty (security- that cellphone thing, I want to be free to answer my man's phone) When you have been found out, admit it. It's all she wants. There is one thing we people should know, the devil cannot destroy us. The only thing he can do is destruct us and we destroy ourselves. Guys, there is nothing as dangerous as AN UNDERSTANDING WOMAN J (extramarital affair). 7. Communication Communicate with your woman like you used to during courtship and the first days. Be sincere, kind, loving and straightforward like you used to be. Make love with her mind before making love with her body. 'Ungafiki nje usuthi "sekunjalo." 8. Sense of humour Don't be rigid man. Don't be too serious. Don't have this attitude yokuthi: "I'm always right, I'm a man." 9. Romance Keep the spark, dine, go to movies, and go to church together. Not "Ngizok'fica!" 10. A Godly man It is easy to submit under a man who fears God. NB: WOMAN, NOTE ALL THESE THINGS WHILE YOU'RE DATING. RUNAWAY QUICKLY IFTHEY AREN'T THERE, BEFORE YOU COMMITT!!

10 things men want in a relationship (What you women should offer) 1. Sexual fulfillment 2. Recreational playmate Go to things together! Even golf, if he asks. Woman, force yourself if kungavumi. He wants to be with you. Ufuna ahambe nobani uma unqaba ukuhamba naye? Do not say you're tired you want to remain home, cook, etc. Go!! 3. Beautiful wife He wants a beautiful wife & not a beautiful knife who will say things that will kill his ego. Stop comparing him to your past boyfriends. Don't come to him with i-calamine lotion because you know he knows you're beautiful without it. Be that beautiful woman he met.

4. Committed home-maker You cannot always have an auntie cooking for your man. 5. Men want to be admired 6. A woman of moral virtue 7. Sense of humour Don't be too spiritual woman! There's time to pray and there's time to play. 8. Intelligent woman Grow yourself still. Ungafike uyeke ukufunda emshadweni, study!!. It's not the end of things. Another thing is don't be ignorant. Yazi nje ukuthi kwenzekani emhlabeni. Yazi nje ngama Sharks nama Bulls (rugby), ngo Vavi no Mbalula (politics), government initiatives, business, etc. Be engage-able kuma-discussions. 9. Trustworthiness Its very unfair but it happens and we can't help it. We men expect second and third chances when found out and you do afford us those chances but for you woman, its not easy for us ukuthi forgive and forget just like that. Wabanjwa nje, out of my house & my heart. Klaar!! 10. To be treated as a King.

DAY 2 (FOR MARRIED PEOPLE) How do you treasure your spouse when you're faced with the night? I Corinthians 13: Love is...Think positively about your spouse (overlook the weak points & accentuate the strong ones). Respect your spouse (in every possible way, don't impose, wait for invitation).

Enjoy your spouse (Do things together, Proverbs 5:18). Attend to your spouse's needs (Put your spouse before your family). Shield your spouse (Protect one another. Don't talk negatively about your spouse amongst your family. If someone in your family is saying something bad about your spouse, know that they are not telling that to build but to destroy your relationship. If they care so much about it, they'd approach your spouse and correct him/her and not you. Unless s/he doesn't want to listen. Understand what your spouses' needs are. Romance (flowers, songs, dinner, movies, etc) Edify one another.* In a relationship you do not give 50/50 but 100/100.* Don't withhold because you were disappointed in your past relationships.

12 ways on how to communicate with a woman (How to bring out the best in her) 1. Talk to her, not at her 2. Listen to her and care about fulfilling her needs 3. Be sensitive and caring 4. Be co-operative 5. Re-assure and comfort her 6. Keep your sexual energies invested in her (make love!!) (FOR MARRIED PEOPLE)

7. Stay connected and don't shut her out 8. Compliment and appreciate her 9. Communicate with her clearly 10. Keep your commitments. 11. Pay your attention to her 12. Keep her informed.

Things every woman should know about a man 1. Men are focused and want communication 2. Men are logical; give them an agenda when you want to talk to them. 3. Sometimes ladies think out loud & men misinterpret this and think we talk too much. Discuss your way of communication. 4. Sometimes we blame men for being insensitive. Go slowly when you express your feelings. Control them. Make a man feel safe. Acknowledge that he is there (present) and give him time to explore his feelings.Anger - Watch outANGER is one letter from DANGER Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. * Admit it. Tell yourself that "I can never conquer anything unless I confront it" * Deal with your anger immediately * Think before you speak James 1:19-20 * Seek God's guidance and control. Money - Watch out * Support the brother lady but there must be a time limit (Remember he's supposed to be the provider, I mean he must provide for you not you for him). * You cannot always be a sponsor. God is not moved by needs but by faith!! * Is your partner financially responsible? * Watch out for someone who always borrows money from you. * Watch out for someone who does not pay bills on time. * Watch out for someone who does not plan for money ahead and buys luxurious stuff. * Watch out for someone who expects you to bail him out Financially all the time (once, twice is fine) * Watch out for someone who has been owing people money for some time. * Watch out for someone who will pay LOBOLA through credit card, post paid cheque etc. * Watch out for someone who does not keep a job for long. * WATCH OUT!!

Extramarital Affairs - Watch out * Being involved with married people can be a recurring habit, its an obsession. * Don't believe a guy when he says he is going to divorce his wife or is in the process.

* Woman, this is temporary pleasure but permanent damage.

(my past is nothing more than the trail i left behind, what drives me today is the energy that i generate in my present moment)