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The ROCK Players present…“What was nailed to the Cross?”

Based on Colossians 2:6-15

©2010 David Skarshaug (www.alcames.org). Conditions for use: (1) If you use all or parts of this script in any form, please consider sending a suggested $5 donation check made out to “The ROCK” to the following address: Ascension Lutheran Church, 615 Kellogg, Ames, IA 50010. Reference the script title in the memo on the check. (2) Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. (3) You may reproduce this script for internal use, but all copies must contain this copyright statement.

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Michael:Michael: Jay Jay Zach:Zach: Adam (Biker)Adam (Biker)Johannes:Johannes: BobBobMatt:Matt: ClydeClydeJohannes:Johannes: DougDougNathan:Nathan: SkippySkippyMatt:Matt: FredFredHaley:Haley: GracieGracieToby: Toby: HarryHarry

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Setting: Setting: A variation on Jay A variation on Jay Leno’s “J-Walking” with a Leno’s “J-Walking” with a celebrity hbost, asking people celebrity hbost, asking people the question “So, what was the question “So, what was nailed to the Cross?”nailed to the Cross?”

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Jay:Jay: So, for today’s Jay-So, for today’s Jay-Walking segment, we thought Walking segment, we thought we’d ask a few random people we’d ask a few random people the question, “So, what was the question, “So, what was nailed to the cross?” Oh, here nailed to the cross?” Oh, here comes someone now. comes someone now. (Pause.)(Pause.) Sir, sir, can I have a moment Sir, sir, can I have a moment with you.with you.

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Adam:Adam: Yeah, well you know, Yeah, well you know, I’m kind of in a hurry. I’m late I’m kind of in a hurry. I’m late for RAGBRAI. for RAGBRAI.

Jay:Jay: Oh, this will just take a Oh, this will just take a moment. We’re just taking moment. We’re just taking some time today to get some time today to get people’s opinions on a people’s opinions on a question.question.

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Adam:Adam: Very well. What’s the Very well. What’s the question?question?

Jay:Jay: What—in your view—What—in your view—was nailed to the cross?was nailed to the cross?

Adam:Adam: Oh, that’s easy. That Oh, that’s easy. That guy…what’s his name…Jesus. guy…what’s his name…Jesus. Yeah, that’s it. Jesus. He was Yeah, that’s it. Jesus. He was nailed to the cross. nailed to the cross.

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Jay:Jay: Anything else?Anything else?

Adam:Adam: Nope. That’s about it. Nope. That’s about it. Can I go now? Got to get west Can I go now? Got to get west so I can go east.so I can go east.

Jay:Jay: Don’t we all. Very well, Don’t we all. Very well, thank you sir. thank you sir. (Spots Bob.) (Spots Bob.) Oh, Oh, here’s another. Sir, sir…here’s another. Sir, sir…

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Bob:Bob: Yeah, what do you Yeah, what do you want? Can’t you see I gotta’ want? Can’t you see I gotta’ get to my investment club get to my investment club meeting?meeting?

Jay:Jay: We’re just asking We’re just asking people the question, “What—people the question, “What—in your view—was nailed to in your view—was nailed to the cross?” Our first person the cross?” Our first person said Jesus was nailed to the said Jesus was nailed to the cross.cross.

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Bob:Bob: Well, sure, but there Well, sure, but there were those other guys too.were those other guys too.

Jay:Jay: The two thieves?The two thieves?

Bob:Bob: Yeah, yeah. That’s it. Yeah, yeah. That’s it. Do I win anything? Do I get Do I win anything? Do I get anything in return for my anything in return for my investing all this time with investing all this time with you?you?

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Jay:Jay: Uh, no.Uh, no.

Bob:Bob: Figures… Figures… (Stomps (Stomps away.)away.)

Jay:Jay: Excuse me, sir Excuse me, sir (Clyde (Clyde stops).stops). What--other than What--other than Jesus and two thieves--was Jesus and two thieves--was nailed to the cross?nailed to the cross?

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Clyde:Clyde: Oh, oh…don’t tell me…I Oh, oh…don’t tell me…I should remember this from should remember this from that one Lenten service. that one Lenten service. (Pause.)(Pause.) My sins. Yeah, that’s My sins. Yeah, that’s it! My sins…and I don’t have it! My sins…and I don’t have to tell you…there have been to tell you…there have been some good ones. You know, some good ones. You know, wasn’t it Luther who said, “So wasn’t it Luther who said, “So when you sin, sin boldly?” when you sin, sin boldly?” Lutherans, you gotta’ love Lutherans, you gotta’ love ‘em! ‘em! (Shakes his head.) (Shakes his head.) Well, Well, gotta’ get on my way. gotta’ get on my way.

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Jay:Jay: Thank you. Thank you. (Pause to (Pause to look around. Spots Doug look around. Spots Doug walking and texting.)walking and texting.) Excuse Excuse me sir…me sir…

Doug:Doug: Oh…now you made me Oh…now you made me hit the wrong key! You’ve hit the wrong key! You’ve ruined my tweet!ruined my tweet!

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Jay:Jay: So sorry, I’m taking a So sorry, I’m taking a survey by asking people to survey by asking people to identify what was nailed to the identify what was nailed to the cross?cross?

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Doug:Doug: I don’t know? Did you I don’t know? Did you google it? You know google it? You know somebody’s bound to know somebody’s bound to know the answer. You just need to the answer. You just need to cast it out on the web, and cast it out on the web, and you’re sure to reel in an you’re sure to reel in an answer. answer.

Jay:Jay: But I want But I want youryour point of point of view.view.

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Doug:Doug: Well, you’ll just have to Well, you’ll just have to submit the question in writing submit the question in writing to my blog, just like everyone to my blog, just like everyone else. L-O-L!else. L-O-L!

Jay:Jay: Excuse me, sir Excuse me, sir (Skippy (Skippy stops).stops).

Skippy:Skippy: Dude, you talkin’ to Dude, you talkin’ to me?me?

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Jay:Jay: Ah, yeah. Ah, yeah.

Skippy:Skippy: Oh man, like that is Oh man, like that is so cool! Hey, that’s a…a…so cool! Hey, that’s a…a…

Jay:Jay: Microphone?Microphone?

Skippy:Skippy: Yeah, yeah, that’s Yeah, yeah, that’s it. Totally awesome man! it. Totally awesome man! What’s happening?What’s happening?

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Jay:Jay: I’m just taking a survey I’m just taking a survey and getting people’s views on and getting people’s views on a question. a question.

Skippy:Skippy: Righteous! Like Righteous! Like this isn’t gonna’ be on M-TV is this isn’t gonna’ be on M-TV is it? Like I skipped work today, it? Like I skipped work today, and this isn’t gonna get me and this isn’t gonna get me busted is it? Oh well, what’s busted is it? Oh well, what’s the question? the question?

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Jay:Jay: “What was nailed to “What was nailed to the cross?”the cross?”

Skippy:Skippy: (Defensively throws (Defensively throws up hands.)up hands.) Don’t look at me, Don’t look at me, man. I didn’t do it. Like, I man. I didn’t do it. Like, I didn’t go near the thing. Like didn’t go near the thing. Like it wasn’t me. I was at the it wasn’t me. I was at the board park until sunset last board park until sunset last night, man…night, man…

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Jay:Jay: Very well. Very well. (Pauses for (Pauses for another.) another.) Excuse me, sir,Excuse me, sir,

Fred:Fred: Yes. Yes. (Fred is texting (Fred is texting away quite busily).away quite busily).

Jay:Jay: I was just taking a I was just taking a survey, and…survey, and…

Fred: Fred: Can’t you see I’m busy? Can’t you see I’m busy?

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Jay:Jay: But I only wanted to…But I only wanted to…

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Fred:Fred: I’m texting. Do you I’m texting. Do you mind? mind? (Walks away. To (Walks away. To Audience.)Audience.) You know we have You know we have a first amendment right to a first amendment right to text! Sometimes they treat us text! Sometimes they treat us textors as second-class textors as second-class citizens. What about textor’s citizens. What about textor’s rights? You’d think people rights? You’d think people were dying from second-hand were dying from second-hand texting or something texting or something (Stomps (Stomps off.)off.)

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Jay:Jay: (To audience.)(To audience.) You ever You ever have one of those days? have one of those days? (Spots a couple.)(Spots a couple.) Aha. Excuse Aha. Excuse me, folks. me, folks. (Gracie & Harry (Gracie & Harry stop.)stop.) I’m just taking a survey I’m just taking a survey and asking people a question: and asking people a question: Apart from Jesus, two thieves, Apart from Jesus, two thieves, and the sins of the world, and the sins of the world, what was nailed to the cross?what was nailed to the cross?

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Gracie:Gracie: Hmm. More like, Hmm. More like, “what wasn’t nailed to the “what wasn’t nailed to the cross?”cross?”

Jay:Jay: Excuse me?Excuse me?

Harry:Harry: Well, of course, it’s a Well, of course, it’s a bit of an overstatement if bit of an overstatement if taken too literally, but in a taken too literally, but in a manner of speaking, manner of speaking, everything was nailed to the everything was nailed to the cross.cross.

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Jay:Jay: Hmm. Now you’ll have Hmm. Now you’ll have to explain this.to explain this.

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Gracie:Gracie: You see, Jesus’ You see, Jesus’ cross was like the pivotal point cross was like the pivotal point in all history. Yes, Jesus was in all history. Yes, Jesus was nailed to the cross, and yes, it nailed to the cross, and yes, it was the collective sins of was the collective sins of mankind—past, present, and mankind—past, present, and future--that put him there, but future--that put him there, but together with the resurrection together with the resurrection three days later, it was the three days later, it was the major game-changing event of major game-changing event of all history. all history.

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Harry:Harry: Gracie, he looks Gracie, he looks confused. Let me try. You confused. Let me try. You see, by believing in Jesus and see, by believing in Jesus and his atoning sacrifice on the his atoning sacrifice on the cross, we are freed from our cross, we are freed from our slavery to sin, made evident to slavery to sin, made evident to us by our inability to keep the us by our inability to keep the law—God’s standard for a law—God’s standard for a perfect life. perfect life.

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Gracie:Gracie: Hmm. He still looks Hmm. He still looks stupefiedstupefied. (She opens her . (She opens her Bible.)Bible.) Here, listen to how Here, listen to how Paul said it in Colossians Paul said it in Colossians Chapter 2:13-14. “You were Chapter 2:13-14. “You were dead because of your sins and dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature because your sinful nature was not yet cut awaywas not yet cut away. (Cont’d). (Cont’d)

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Gracie:Gracie: Then God made you Then God made you alive with Christ, for he alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the canceled the record of the charges against us and took it charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. away by nailing it to the cross.

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Jay:Jay: Hmm. Sounds like Paul Hmm. Sounds like Paul was saying our hopelessness was saying our hopelessness to save ourselves by obeying to save ourselves by obeying the law and the law’s just the law and the law’s just conviction of us as sinners, conviction of us as sinners, were both nailed to the cross.were both nailed to the cross.

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Harry:Harry: Yes. But sometimes Yes. But sometimes people forget that. So when people forget that. So when asked why they’re saved, asked why they’re saved, they’ll say stuff like “Well, I they’ll say stuff like “Well, I attend church every Sunday” attend church every Sunday” or “I hope I’ll get to heaven or “I hope I’ll get to heaven because I try to live a pretty because I try to live a pretty good life.”good life.”

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Gracie:Gracie: That’s when the That’s when the other parts of Colossians other parts of Colossians chapter 2 come up. In verse 8, chapter 2 come up. In verse 8, Paul says “See to it that no Paul says “See to it that no one takes you captive through one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive hollow and deceptive philosophyphilosophy, which depends on , which depends on human traditionhuman tradition and the and the basic basic principles of this worldprinciples of this world rather rather than on Christ.than on Christ.””

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Harry:Harry: There’s a lot of stuff There’s a lot of stuff that fit’s into that big bucket that fit’s into that big bucket of “hollow and deceptive of “hollow and deceptive philosophy.” Why just philosophy.” Why just yesterday at the water park yesterday at the water park someone had a tattoo that someone had a tattoo that read “Heaven isn’t a place to read “Heaven isn’t a place to go when you die, it’s a place go when you die, it’s a place you achieve when you feel you achieve when you feel you’re alive—so live for the you’re alive—so live for the moment.” moment.”

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Gracie:Gracie: That’s a human That’s a human tradition of sorts. So is the tradition of sorts. So is the idea of “Obey this law or that idea of “Obey this law or that one, or try your best to live by one, or try your best to live by the Ten Commandments and the Ten Commandments and hope God grades on a curve.”hope God grades on a curve.”

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Harry:Harry: That’s the part of living That’s the part of living by basic principles of this by basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.world rather than on Christ.

Gracie:Gracie: In a nutshell, that’s In a nutshell, that’s it. All our reliance on stuff it. All our reliance on stuff other than Christ was to die other than Christ was to die with Christ on the cross.with Christ on the cross.

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Harry:Harry: And I like the way Paul And I like the way Paul used that metaphor about used that metaphor about being sure no one takes us being sure no one takes us captive in verse 8. You see, in captive in verse 8. You see, in the Roman world, people were the Roman world, people were very familiar with military very familiar with military parades. parades. (Cont’d)(Cont’d)

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Harry: A conquering king or Harry: A conquering king or general would ride in a parade general would ride in a parade in a triumphant chariot in a triumphant chariot followed by the evidence of followed by the evidence of his victories: riches taken and his victories: riches taken and captives walking in chains, all captives walking in chains, all as public spectacles to the as public spectacles to the great victory.great victory.

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Gracie:Gracie: In verse 8 he’s In verse 8 he’s telling the Colossians not to telling the Colossians not to be taken captive, and then in be taken captive, and then in verse 15, Paul brings back this verse 15, Paul brings back this imagery of captives by saying imagery of captives by saying “And having disarmed the “And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them them, triumphing over them by the cross.”by the cross.”

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Harry:Harry: So in place of man So in place of man being made captive by wrong being made captive by wrong beliefs, as Paul warned in beliefs, as Paul warned in verse 8, in verse 15 Paul said verse 8, in verse 15 Paul said Christ the victor made all Christ the victor made all things captive to him.things captive to him.

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Jay:Jay: And where we usually And where we usually see the cross as an instrument see the cross as an instrument of death, it was--in a way--a of death, it was--in a way--a triumphant chariot of victory…triumphant chariot of victory…

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Gracie:Gracie: …having put to …having put to death all things that would death all things that would otherwise take the place of otherwise take the place of Christ in our lives: salvation by Christ in our lives: salvation by works, or tradition, or other works, or tradition, or other man-made Gods.man-made Gods.

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Harry:Harry: (Jay turns and starts (Jay turns and starts walking away.) walking away.) Hey, did we Hey, did we say something that offended say something that offended you? Where are you going?you? Where are you going?

Jay:Jay: I got to find a couple I got to find a couple new friends I met. Now we new friends I met. Now we really do have something to really do have something to text, tweet, and blog about. text, tweet, and blog about. Now where did those guys go? Now where did those guys go?

(Wanders off stage.)(Wanders off stage.)