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Chapter 12

Peer Relationships

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Lesson 1

Safe and Healthy Friendships

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Types of Peer Relationships

• Peers– People of similar age who share similar

interests

• Types of Relationships– Friendships– Casual Friendships– Close Friendships– Cliques

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Friendships

• Friendship – a significant relationship between two people

• Platonic Friendship – a friendship with a member of the opposite gender in which there is affection but the two people are not considered a couple

• Casual Friendships• Close Friendships• Cliques

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Friendships cont.,

• True Friendships have several common attributes:– Similar values, interests, beliefs, and attitudes

on basic issues– Open and honest communications– Sharing of joys, disappointments, dreams and

concerns– Mutual respect, caring and support– Concern about each other’s safety and well-

being

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Cliques• Small circle of friends, usually with similar backgrounds

or tastes, who exclude people viewed as outsiders• Clique members may share the same attitudes, dress a

like, meet regularly at the same spot, or engage in other behaviors that identify them as a clique

• Positive and Negative influences– Provide a sense of belonging– Discouraged from thinking for themselves or acting as

an individual• Prejudice - making assumptions or judgments about an

individual without really knowing him or her• Stereotype - an exaggerated and oversimplified belief

about an entire group of people, such as an ethnic or religious group or gender

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Forming Healthy Friendships

• Choosing Friends– Positive people– Healthy attitudes– Reinforce your values– Motivate you– Mutual protective

factors– Responsible decision

makers

• Building and Strengthening Friendships– Built on common values

and interests– Be loyal– Encourage each other– Respect each other

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Lesson 2

Peer Pressure and Refusal Skills

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Peer Pressure

• The influence that people your age may have on you

• Your peers can sometimes influence how you think, feel and act

• Can have a positive or negative influence on your actions and behaviors

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Positive Peer Pressure

• Influence you to do community service

• Volunteer work

• Help you to not participate in risk behaviors or activities

• Role model – Inspire others to take part in a positive act or

worthwhile cause

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Negative Peer Pressure

• Harassment– Persistently annoying others– Name calling, teasing and bullying– Go against your own values

• Manipulation– An indirect, dishonest way to control or

influence others

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Common Methods of Manipulation• Mocking or teasing another person in mean or hurtful

ways• Using “guilt trips” to get desired results• Bargaining - offering to make a deal to get what one

wants• Using flattery or praise to influence another person• Bribing - promising money or favors if the person will do

what is asked• Making threats - promising violence or some other

negative consequence if the person does not do what is asked

• Using blackmail - threatening to reveal some embarrassing or damaging information if the person does not do what is asked

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Resisting Negative Peer Pressure

• Avoid it– Develop friendships with people who share

your values and interests– Less pressure – Support of your decision

• Refusing to go along with the group– Sometimes teens are worried they will

jeopardize their friendship if they do not go along with the pressure

– “uncool”

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Assertive Refusal • Standing up for your rights in a firm but

positive way• You state your position and stand your

ground• Acknowledge the rights of others• Most effective approach when facing

negative peer influences• Often role models for others because

people respect individuals who stay true to themselves

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Refusal Skills• Techniques and strategies that help you

say no effectively when faced with something that you don’t want to do or that goes against your values

– Step 1: State Your Position• Simply and firmly• Non-verbal messages

– Step 2: Suggest Alternatives– Step 3: Stand Your Ground

• Strong body language and eye contact

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Checklist: Assertive Communication Skills

• “I” messages

• Respectful but firm tone of voice

• Alternatives to action

• Clear, simple statements

• Appropriate body language

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Passive and Aggressive Responses

• Passive – Tendency to give up, give in, or back down

without standing up for their own rights and needs

• Maybe be viewed as pushovers

• Aggressive– Overly forceful, pushy, hostile, or otherwise

attacking in their approach• Shouting, yelling, shoving or insulting

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Lesson 3

Dating and Setting Limits

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Dating

• Can be an enjoyable learning experience• Opportunity to develop social skills, such

as communicating and interacting with a person of the opposite gender

• Learn more about yourself• Discover new interests, reaffirm their

values, and even start thinking about the type of person with whom they might like to build a future

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Dating cont.,

• Infatuation– Exaggerated feelings of passion for another person– Be careful not to mistake them for genuine affection

• Affection– A feeling of fondness for someone– Comes when you know a person well– Friendship and caring– Express affection with communication and listening,

holding hands, hugging, and spending quality time together

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Deciding to Date

• Everyone is unique• Not everyone dates• Some people might be shy around the opposite

gender• Other interests• No reason to be pressured into dating if you are

not ready for it• Ease into dating you can

– Go out with a group of friends of both genders– Group date or double date

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What to Do on a Date

• Depends on who you are with

• Your interests

• Go to the movies, dinner, sporting events, school dances

• When you get to know each other better you will have a better idea of your interests and will be able to find activities you both enjoy

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Activities• Sports or Athletic

– You and your date like sports– Promote health and provide a way for dates to share

and develop common interests– Friendly and relaxed atmosphere

• Community– Zoo or local museum– Music or theatre, concerts or plays– Tourist attractions

• Charitable– Build strong friendships and dating relationships– Habitat for Humanity, walk-a-thon, maintain parks and

beaches

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What can I do to make a good impression on a first date?

• Relax and be yourself

• Be honest

• Plan your date

• Be courteous

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Avoiding Risk Situations• Some dating situations may increase the chance

of being pressured to participate in sexual activity or some other high-risk behaviors

• Before you go on your date, know where you are going and what you will be doing

• Find out who else will be there and discuss with your parents what time you should be home

• Regardless of where you go, make sure you have money with you

• Avoid places where alcohol and other drugs are present

• Avoid being alone with your date at home or in an isolated place

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Dating Relationships• The choice to have an ongoing dating

relationship can help you develop skills and behaviors that will some day prepare you for the dignity, respect, and responsibility required in a marriage

• It may limit your chances for socializing with others, prevent you from developing other positive relationships

• Teen years are a time for trying many different roles and relationships

• Relationships can be difficult to start or end but it helps you to mature emotionally