© john mallison today is…… be kind to mobiles day!! we suggest you give your mobile an easier...

© John Mallison

Today is……

BE KIND TO MOBILES DAY!!

We suggest you give your mobile an easier day

Please keep your mobile off during the sessions

Thank you.

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© John Mallison

1) Understanding mentoring - an introduction2) Some guidelines for mentors3) Asking good questions and listening4) Setting boundaries5) The role of prayer6) Using the bible7) A design for mentoring - role play8) Mentoring and small groups

© John Mallison

Skills And Tools For

Effective Mentoring

Today’s Program Will Cover:

Welcome

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Skills & Tools for Effective Mentoring

• An Overview Of Mentoring• Some Guidelines For Mentors• Setting Boundaries• The Role Of Prayer• Using The Bible• Peer-Mentoring• Finding Those To Mentor• Finding A Mentor

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Today’s program will cover:

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Welcome

1) An overview of mentoring

2) What to look for in mentors

3) When to mentor– Life stages

4) Mentoring beginners in the faith

5) Equipping mentors– How adults learn– Using this resource

6) Implementing a mentoring system

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Strategies For MentoringToday’s Program Will Cover:

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Please form into

Pairs

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Please form into

Groups of 4

By joining with another pair

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Please form into

Groups of 6

By joining with 2 other pairs

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Share with your partner…..

• Four interesting things about yourself

• Your hopes and expectations for today

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• What do you enjoy doing most?

• What’s the nicest thing that has happened to you in the last 12 months?

• What are your hopes and expectations for today?

• For what would you appreciate prayer in order to get the most out of today?


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• In what way has God surprised you recently?

• God is frequently presented in the Psalms as our Helper.

How has this been true for you?

• What can you celebrate about your ministry?


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Prayer NeedsPrayer Needs

• What is a personal need for which you would like prayer?

• What is a need in our own ministry for which you would appreciate prayer?

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In SilenceIn Silence

• Thank God for what your friend and you shared

• Pray for your friend that this seminar will be an enjoyable, encouraging and growing experience

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• What spoke to you personally– to encourage– to challenge

• On which aspects do you want John to give more information?

Discuss The Presentation

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Any questions or comments

or

Aspects on which you need more information?

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Your Response…...

What was a word of God to you personally?

In what specific ways would you be different if you took this seriously?

What persons and situations in your life would be affected? - How?

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Your ResponseYour Response

What do you plan to stopstop doing

What do you plan to continuecontinue to do

What do you plan to beginbegin to do

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A Word of A Word of GodGod to to youyou

Stop

Proceed with caution

Go!

Your Response…

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Your Response

What was an encouragement to you?

What did you learn that was especially helpful?

Is there something you now feel you need to- begin doing- stop doing- think more about?

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Share With Your Partner

• Provided new insights• Reinforced previous learning• Been especially helpful• Been greatly encouraging• Challenged you

Some things in this learning experience which have….

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Individual ReflectionIndividual Reflection

• List the names of a few who you have found to be helpful/supportive/encouraging in:

– Your growth as a person– Helping you develop various skills– Your spiritual growth

• List some words next to each name to describe them

• Review your list and underline one word which stands out more than all the others.

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IndividuallyIndividually

– Think of lay personslay persons in the church who have cared for you in various wayse.g. Helping in your Christian growth

– Supporting you in difficult times– Encouraging you in your Christian service

– What do you remember most about who they are/were

– Their characteristics– Their attitudes– In what ways they were competent

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Who has been a mentor to youbeen a mentor to you?

- How did you find that helpfulhelpful?

- What did you learn about mentoringyou learn about mentoring from them?

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• To provide some practical guidelines for both mentors and mentorees

• To emphasise that mentoring is essentially experience-based learning to which reflection is central

• To help especially leaders see the broad possibilities for mentoring

• To enable the development of mentoring networks

• To present Jesus Christ as our prime mentoring model

My Core Commitments In Writing This Book

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My Core Commitments In Writing This Book cont...

• Mentoring is NOTNOT an optional extra

• To encourage every follower of Christ to ‘watch over one another in love’

• The foundation for Christian mentoring is a vital, growing relationship with Jesus Christ

• To explain the various dimensions of mentoring and what is involved

• Mentoring can be done with varying degrees of intensity from a close friendship to a professional relationship

• To give Biblical and theological basis for mentoring

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Who This Book Is ForWho This Book Is For

• Potential mentors/mentorees - how to do it and how to begin

• Mentors - who want to improve their performance

• Team leaders - who want to build their teams

• Supervisors - who want to maximise their mentoring

• Church and para-church leaders - who want to develop mentoring networks

• Trainers - a sound resource to equip mentors

• Friends - who want their friendships to be more effective

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• help you catch a vision of mentoring

• encourage you to begin

• provide practical know-how

• help you experience the potential of reflection for learning from the experiences through which God has taken you

• enable you to find a mentor or a mentoree

• equip you to build effective teams

• open your eyes to how churches and Christian organisations can be transformed through organised mentoring

What This Book Can Do For YouWhat This Book Can Do For You

It will:

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How The Study/How The Study/TTraining Dimension raining Dimension WorksWorks

• Personal reflection questions– The outcome ... for a mentored person

to become a reflective Christ-centred disciple• Group work questions

– With one other person or a small group

The Trainer’s Guide provides• A recommended program • Clear guidelines for the trainer

The 32 Study Guides at the end of each section have:

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32 Study Guides32 Study Guides

• Personal Reflection • Group Work

At the end of each section in each chapter:

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MentorMentorIt’s Origin and MeaningIt’s Origin and Meaning

(In Greek mythology – Odysseus)

• The name of the wise & trustedwise & trusted companion & companion & friendfriend of UlyssesUlysses

• GuardianGuardian of Ulysses’ house during his 10 year absence at Trojan wars

• Teacher and advisorTeacher and advisor of Ulysses’ son Telemachus

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DefinitionDefinition

Christian mentoring is a dynamic, intentional

relationship of trust in which one person enables

another to maximise the grace of God in their life

and service

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Significant Words, Significant Words, eetc tc (in (in ddefinition)efinition)

• DynamicDynamic - Active, Growing, Flexible, Stimulating, Empowering

• IntentionalIntentional - With Purpose and Direction - Orderly

• RelationshipRelationship - Connection, Bond, Affinity, Mateship, Concern,

Commitment

• TrustTrust - Rely Upon, Put Confidence in

• EnableEnable - Give the Means to Make Possible

• MaximiseMaximise - Make the Most of

• Grace of GodGrace of God - All God Freely Offers Us in Christ

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Other DefinitionsOther Definitions• Gunter Krallmann:Gunter Krallmann:

‘A mentor in the biblical sense establishes a close relationship with a protégé and on that basis through fellowship, modelling, advice, encouragement, correction, practical assistance and prayer support influences his/her understudy to gain a deeper comprehension of divine truth, lead a godlier life and render more effective service to God’.

• J Robert Clinton:J Robert Clinton:‘Mentoring refers to the process in which a person with a serving, giving, encouraging attitude (Mentor), sees the leadership potential in a still to be developed person and is able to prompt or otherwise significantly influence that person along to the realisation of his/her potential’.

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Other DefinitionsOther Definitions cont... cont...

• BISHOP JOHN REID:BISHOP JOHN REID: ‘Peter was commissioned by Jesus to strengthen

his other followers, “...help your brothers be help your brothers be strongerstronger...” (Luke 22:32).

Just as Jesus enabled him to minister, Peter was to do the same with his peers.

Mentoring describes an intentional and deliberate attitude to encourage another’s life and ministry.

It finds its biblical base in Jesus’ words to Peter’.

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Mentoring - Part Of The Fabric Of Life

• The value of having a friend and adviser……….. ‘Two are better than one’ (Eccl 4:9)

• Parents/children

• Artisan/apprentice relationship

• Coach of a sportsperson or team

• Mentoring at all levels of commerce, industry, education and public life

• Mentoring was a way of life in Bible Times

• Jesus, with his disciples, provides our prime mentoring model

• The New Testament is full of ‘one another’ and ‘together’ passages pointing to Christianity as relational

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Beginning

Leading Growing

Serving

Discipler

Model Spiritual

Guide

Sponsor Coach

Pastor Teacher

Counsellor

Encourager

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BeginningBeginning - Conversion

BecomingBecoming - Discipleship

MinisteringMinistering - Obedience

Leading Leading - Reproducing

Stages In DiscipleshipStages In Discipleship

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Encouragement

Mentors must be encouragers.

If a mentoree goes away discouraged, we have failed.

There should alwaysalways be a positive and helpful positive and helpful outcome.outcome.

There will be times when we will speak firmly, even reprimand,

but it must always be from aalways be from a gospel perspective of hope.

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Encouragement

Is Love Expressed.

• It is an assurance of commitment to another.

• It gives a sense of support,

reduces fear,

raises morale and

gives confidence.

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A Journey of Faith

The mentor's role:

· Facilitator on the journey· Make available all which will enable the mentoree

to come to:

Wholeness in ChristWholeness in Christ…

Walking together with Jesuswith Jesuson the journey of Christian life and service

Mentoring

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Meeting any point of struggle with

· Love

· Compassion

· Understanding

In this context we can

· feel safe, and

· grow through our struggle

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Embracing allall aspects of growth

· Spiritual

· Physical

· Intellectual

· Emotional

(The wholewhole person)

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You Can Do It!

• Mentoring is a very significant role everyevery Christian disciple can fulfil ... irrespective of age or experience.

• It is not restricted to ‘giants of the faith’.

If this is true of you, youyou can be God’s agent in enriching another person’s life.

The basic requirementThe basic requirement is a living relationship with God and an ability to listen and respond sensitively, and to

encourage.

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YouYou Can Do It cont...

• MenMen: they often fear to shareoften fear to share their inner struggles, thoughts and feelings, lest disclosure erodes others’ confidence in them. But But deep bonding can take place.deep bonding can take place.

• WomenWomen: they are natural mentors and co-mentorsnatural mentors and co-mentors.

• Busy peopleBusy people: some of the best mentoring is done by very active people.

• HouseboundHousebound: they can mentor by means of their phones or by inviting others to visit them.

• SeniorsSeniors: the wisdom of long experience can greatly benefit others. Growing older as participants rather than spectators!Growing older as participants rather than spectators!

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Women Are Natural Mentors /MentoreesWomen Are Natural Mentors /Mentorees

When Under Stress.....

'Men Go Into Their Caves'Men Go Into Their Caves

Women Talk'Women Talk'

("Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus...."

John Gray)

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Go and make disciples of all nations,

baptising them in the name of the Father and the

Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to

obey everything I have commanded you. And surely

I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

(Matthew 28:19,20, NIV)

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'Witness''Witness' (Luke in his gospel 24:48, and in Acts 1:8, 22:15)

'My'

· Tell of one's personal knowledge and experience of Jesus Christ.

· Be living proof of the truth of the gospel of Christ

· Testify to Jesus Christ by word and deed by who we are, what we say and what we do.

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Mentoring or Disciplemaking

‘DiscipleDisciple' (73 times in Matthew's gospel)- 'Learner'

· Developing knowledge and understanding of God's nature and purposes in the context of a growing personal relationship with God in Christ that results in gratitude for God's grace (undeserved kindness) expressed in exclusive loyalty and obedience to him

· New values, attitudes and behaviour which reflect Jesus Christ

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“Go and

of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and

teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”

….Matthew 28:19,20

make disciples

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Key Verb - ‘Make Disciples’

Other ‘doing words’ - subordinate to it

They instruct in the ‘howhow’ (what is involved)

– ‘GO’ – Identify with others; Reach out; Get involved

– ‘BAPTISE’ – Publicly own Christ; Make him heard

– ‘TEACH’ – Help develop knowledge, understanding and application to life of Christ’s teachings

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Make disciples as a way of lifeMake disciples as a way of life

‘Go’ can also read

‘As you go’- in the routines of daily life

- in our daily encounters

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Ongoing Disciplemaking

‘And the things you have heard me say in

the presence of many witnesses entrust to entrust to

reliable people who are qualified to teach reliable people who are qualified to teach

others others alsoalso’. (2 Tim 2:2)

‘AlsoAlso’ is an ongoing verb.an ongoing verb.

We teach those who are able to teach others,

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Jesus’ Remarkable PromiseJesus’ Remarkable PromiseJesus’ Remarkable PromiseJesus’ Remarkable Promise

‘I am with you always’

Christ’sChrist’s unfailing presencepresence and

powerpower transforms

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'All authority in heaven and on earth has 'All authority in heaven and on earth has

been given to me… And surely I am with been given to me… And surely I am with

you always to the very end of the age.'you always to the very end of the age.'

•What encouragement do you receive from these

words of Christ?

•What difference would it make to your mentoring/

disciplemaking if this promise of Christ was really

taken seriously?

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The Biblical Foundation

· The bigbig picture of GodGod

· The true perspective on Human BeingsHuman Beings

· The power of Spiritual CommunitySpiritual Community

……………….

The limitless power of Calvary, the Empty TombThe limitless power of Calvary, the Empty Tomb

and Pentecostand Pentecost

………………

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An Adequate Idea Of GodAn Adequate Idea Of GodMost of the problems we face from time to time

grow out of an inadequate idea of God.

• God is unconditional love

• God is merciful, full of grace

• God is faithful

• God is holy and righteous

• God is ever-present

• God is all-knowing

• God is all powerful

God Is The MentorGod Is The Mentor7/2

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As Disciplers (mentors)Disciplers (mentors) we are not thethe maker (enforcer)maker (enforcer)

We are not self-sufficient builders

God is the mentorGod is the mentor

Christian mentors are ….

under mentorsunder mentors

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Image BearerImage Bearer

Flawed Wounded

Child Of GodChild Of God(away from “home” or at “home”)

New Testament Perspective on Human Beings

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Realist!

Optimist!

(Grace - Hope & Promise)

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Our God-given Vision

The vision God gives us in Christ

is all about possibilitiespossibilities

- what might be, not what is.what might be, not what is.

People need not be locked into more of the same.

It is about new realitiesnew realities

which can be seen and apprehended by faith.

The Good News is that life can begin again!that life can begin again!

God’s call is to actualise through the Spirit God’s call is to actualise through the Spirit

what we already are in Christ - new creation.what we already are in Christ - new creation.(2 Cor 5:17)

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The Vision God Gives To Us In Christ

What might be, not what is

People need not be locked into more of the same

Life can begin again!

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‘‘Two are better than oneTwo are better than one,,

because they have a good reward for their toil.because they have a good reward for their toil.

For if they fall, one will lift up the other;For if they fall, one will lift up the other;

but woe to one who is alone and falls

and does not have another to help.’

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

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It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.

Share the work, share the wealth.

And if one falls down, the other helps,

But if there’s no one to help, tough!…

By yourself you’re unprotected.

With a friend you can face the worst.

Can you round up a third?

A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.

- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 , The Message

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‘One another’ ‘together’

We are Christians not only for our own sakebut also for the sake of others

“Pious Particles” - Moffatt

“The Bible knows nothing of solitary religion” ... Wesley

Partners Spiritual Mates

“We are to watch over

one another in love”

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TheThe ““ONE ONE ANOTHERSANOTHERS””

LoveLove one anotherone another – John 13:34-35as Christ lovedas Christ loved His disciples 1 John 3:11

RestoreRestore one anotherone another –carrycarry each other’s burdensburdens Galatians 6:1-2

Bear withBear with and forgiveforgive one anotherone another Colossians 3:13

Build upBuild up one anotherone another 1 Thessalonians 5:11

EncourageEncourage to believe… Hebrews 3:12-14protectprotect from sin’s deceitfulness

StirStir one anotherone another to love andto love andgood worksgood works…encourageencourage to hopeto hope 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Confess sinConfess sin to one anotherone another James 5:16Pray forPray for one anotherone another

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‘Watch Over One Another In Love’

• John Wesley’s ‘General Rules for Methodist Fellowships’

• Released in 1743.

• Key to his success in retaining those who were converted through that revival.

• In class meetings and one-to-one, they cared for one another.

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‘Let us consider how we may

spur one another on towards

love and good deeds.

Let us not give up

Meeting together,Meeting together,

As some are in the habit of doing

But let us

Encourage one another...Encourage one another...’’Hebrews 10:24,25

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‘‘To Spur One Another On . . .’To Spur One Another On . . .’‘‘To Spur One Another On . . .’To Spur One Another On . . .’

•To call forth•Summons•Invite•Beg•Urge•Appeal to

‘. . . Towards love and good deeds’

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• Inspire with courage, faith and hope

• Console, comfort, cheer up

• Support, assist

• Inspire to press on, persevere

‘‘Encourage One Another’Encourage One Another’

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- To Encourage - To Encourage

‘Holy Spirit’ (paraklete) – from the same root

The Supreme EncouragerThe Supreme Encourager

When we encourage, we share in

the ministry of the Holy Spirit

- channels of grace

˘

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The Context Of This PassageThe Context Of This Passage• A personal relationship with God

through Christ’s Death

• Direct access into his presence

• Make full use of this privilege“Draw near to God”“With confidence”To receive all the grace he has for us

Mentoring essentially isencouraging others to do the same

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- Context -

• Confidently use our direct access to God’s Confidently use our direct access to God’s presencepresence through Christ’s completed workthrough Christ’s completed work (v. 19-21)

• Keep seeking after holinessKeep seeking after holiness, , righteousnessrighteousness (v. 22)

• Maintain a strong hold on the hope we have in Maintain a strong hold on the hope we have in ChristChrist (v. 23)

• Rely upon God’s utter faithfulnessRely upon God’s utter faithfulness (v. 23)

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‘Keep each other on your toes

so sin doesn’t slow down your reflexes’

Hebrews 3:13 (The Message)

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“Your words

have kept people on their feet”

Job 4:4

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‘Let us see how inventive we can be in encouraging and helping out one another’.

(Hebrews 10:24,25, The Message)

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'We all blossom in the presence of one who sees

the good in us and who can coax the best out of us.'

……..Desmond Tutu

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• Not the way God created us - created relational beings• 'The self-made man worships his creator'• No points of reference - Don't have compass bearings -

- go astray• Become discouraged very easily• Lose one's perception and perspective• No accountability• Achieve less• Loss of objectivity• No one to share joys with - attainments, successes, dreams• No one to share sorrow or pain• No synergy - interaction, empowerment• No one to rescue us when we fall or go astray (rescue from

ourselves)• No one to help to keep us honest in our P R material!!

Disadvantages Of Trying To Make It On Our Own

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• No one to tell you, you need to think again

• Limiting available resources

• No accountability

• Internalisation without conclusion (action/change)

• Nothing to combat discouragement - can live in a state of confusion

• Disconnected

• No 'bench marks'

• No one to rescue us

• Burnout is possible

• Inability to grow

• Can become selfish / self-centred

Disadvantages Of Trying To Make It Alone

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Jesus - Our Prime Model

His Being:

• Who he was as a person - his character, his integrity, his credibility, his uniqueness.

His Words:

• What Jesus said indeed proved to be words of life (John 6:68).

• He spoke plainly so all understood, always enabling the practical application.

• He never compromised the truth - sometimes meant offence and loss of supporters.

His Deeds:

‘We have never seen anything like this’ (Mark 2:12).

All Jesus’ ministry was motivated by divine love.

Jesus entrusted his ministry to the disciples with remarkable results.

They were instrumental in changing the course of history!

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‘All biblical mentoring then is under-mentoring.

Jesus Christ is the real

and decisive agent

in Christian mentoring.

He claims our wholehearted trust in him

as present enabler.’

JESUS - OUR PRIME MODEL Cont...

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Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model

• Involvement with people• Patience• Pure motives• Personal integrity• Nobody insignificant• Human need was above the law• One on one training of disciples• Teaching - method - known to unknown• Set boundaries

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Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model cont.

• Compassion • Got alongside and worked with people• Took out of situation for instruction• Acceptance• Direct• Freely gave - self / possessions• Way dealt with politics and religious leaders• Simplicity of his life• Everything bathed in prayer• Creativity• Stayed focused

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Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model cont.

• Willing to give correction (gently)• Gave clear guidance• Showed concern• Praised people• Humility (didn’t blow own trumpet)• Servanthood• Forgiveness (never wrote people off - gave another

chance• Love for people• Understands our humanity• Availability• Empowered people

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I often think of the genuine faith of yours

- a faith that was alive in Lois your grandmother

and in Eunice your mother before you,

and which, I am confident, lives in you also.

2 Timothy 1:5

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Women MentorsWomen Mentorsin the New Testamentin the New Testament

Priscilla(and Aquila)

Apollos

Lois Eunice

Timothy

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The Heart Of Christian Mentoring

Mentoring is concerned essentially with assisting a person

to recognise and respond to the prompting of God’s Spirit

so that the mind and power of Christthe mind and power of Christ

may govern allall a person is and does

in order to arrive at the goal to which God is leading.

It is about enabling another to ‘live and keep in step with the Spiritlive and keep in step with the Spirit’ (Gal 5:25).

Helping The Development Of A Growing Relationship With God

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Być Jak Jezus

Sztuka Kształtowania

Uczniów I Przywódców

To Be Like Jesus

Ability To Mentor

Disciples And Leaders

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Purpose

To develop

Attentiveness (Trained, Disciplined)

and

Obedience

To God

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“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?

Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest.

Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

- Matthew 11:28-30, The Message12/4

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GODGOD

Me

Mentor

Co-mentor

Mentoree

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GODGOD

Me

Father/Mother

Brother/ Sister

Son/ Daughter

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GODGOD

Me

Receiving

Sharing

Giving

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GODGOD

Paul

Barnabas

Barnabas

Timothy

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Receiving and GivingReceiving and Giving

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Peer Mentoring

A Shared relationship, involving both giving and receiving. It is an Equal relationship between two people who value and respect each other and believe each can enrich the other. The ‘one another’ and ‘together’ passages of the New

Testament can usually be lived out at a greater level of intimacy in peer mentoring relationships.

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Peer Mentoring (continued)

The effectiveness of these relationships is because of

unrestricted openness, trust, commitment,

sense of responsibility for each other

and mutual accountability

which is already present in good friendships. It can be developed further

when there is an agreement to be more purposeful.

Unfortunately this so readily available,

and most effective form of mentoring

is overlooked by many

or not developed to its full potential.

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Peer Mentoring• Begin with a friend• Set aside regular times to be together• Maximise your times together

– Maintain a balance in your relationship– Seek to be transparent with each other

• Focus on major areas where we can stray• Ask good questions• Be mutually accountable• Show mutual respect• Take scripture seriously• Pray together• Laugh together, cry together, have fun together• Arrange some special times together

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Focus On Major Areas Where One Can Stray

· Friendships

· Spouse and family

· Self-centredness

· Management of time

· Pride - self-image

· Lust

· Greed - attitude towards money

· Honesty

· Power

· Acknowledgement of authority

· Servanthood

· Availability for service

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Focus On Major Areas Where One Can Stray cont.

• Anger• Accountability• Addictive behaviours

(workaholism)• Self nurture (fitness,

days off, etc)• Integrity• Attitude

• Tolerance

• Manipulative behaviour

• Forgiveness

• Baggage of past

• Keeping focused

• Self esteem

• Balanced mentoring network

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MAJOR AREAS OF MENTORINGMAJOR AREAS OF MENTORING

Here are some common areas in which people seek mentoring:

• Development of spiritual lifeSetting aside adequate time in a busy scheduleHow to pray more effectivelyHow to understand the Bible and take it more

seriouslyPractising other spiritual disciplinesDeveloping own unique form of spiritualityLiving and walking in the Spirit

• Giving quality time to - friends, spouse, family

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• Management of time and creative use of leisure

• Setting priorities and goals

• Choosing between the good and the best in life and Christian service

• Personal and professional development

• Attitude towards, and use of, money

• Handling power with grace and humility

MAJOR AREASAREAS OF MENTORING cont...

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• Sexual relationships

• Remaining open and honest

• Coping with stress

• Keeping positive and hopeful

• Self-control

• Resolving conflicts

• Relating well to people

MAJOR AREASAREAS OF MENTORING cont...

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Try to recall a few Christians who have had a positive influence upon you -- (relatives, friends, teachers" leaders, pastors, etc.).

• In what ways did they influence you?• How did they help you grow spiritually?• What encouragement, guidance and support did

they give to help you develop as a leader?• In difficult times how did they care for you?

What do you remember most about their --• Behaviour?• Attitudes?• Values?

List a few words that best characterise them.

IndividuallyIndividually

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Try to recall a few Christian leaders who have had a positive influence on you

(relatives, friends, teachers, leaders, ministers, etc)

What words describe their characteristics?

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• Available• Integrity• Maturity• Gracious• Positive• Good listener• Wise• Insightful• Intuitive• Dependable

• Able to see big picture • Honesty• Recognise potential• Accepting• Empathetic• Affirming• Supportive• Understanding• Encouraging• Sense of humour

Qualities To Look For In Mentors

• Tough unconditional love• Willing to share own experiences

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Christ Centred• The foundational quality for Christian mentoring.• A life touched and continually renewed by Jesus Christ.

Passionate• Passion is what drives us. To be really effective in mentoring, we need a passion for

it.• Passion can grow as you get involved and see the remarkable difference it can make.

Relational• Able to establish and maintain relationships.• Actively listen.• Can inspire and motivate by their attitude.• Enjoy being with others.• Always out to encourage.

Affirming• Believe in their mentorees - and tell them so

Basic Qualities Of A MentorBasic Qualities Of A Mentor

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Basic Qualities Of Basic Qualities Of aa Mentor cont... Mentor cont...Open and Transparent• Believable, Real, Honest

Trusting and Trustworthy• Keep confidences

Available• Meet agreed commitments• Available for extra contacts if a special need arises

Able To Facilitate Learning• Not quick to give advice• Use good questions are used to probe and enable reflection

Competent• Capable in the areas in which the mentoree wants to grow

Prayerful• Pray to prepare, during and between meetings

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Prayerful

• Prayer is not an add-on for a good mentor

• 'Prayer leads one to see new paths and hear new melodies in the air. Prayer is the breath of one's life, which gives you freedom to go and to find many signs which point out the way to a new land. Praying is living.'

• On mentors' own personal prayer lists

• Prayer together during get-togethers and over the phone

Basic Qualities Of A Mentor cont...Basic Qualities Of A Mentor cont...

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• Roles keep changing to meet different needs and situations.

• In practice, roles overlap one another.

• Some mentors will be better equipped to fulfil one role more than another and will perform best when operating that way.

The Main Roles Of A Mentor

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•Discipleship is a process.

•The role of the mentor as a discipler covers every stage in the life of a disciple of Jesus Christ.

•It undergirds all other mentoring roles.

Discipler

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Spiritual Guide

Paul summarises this role,

'We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone mature in Christ' (Col 1:28).

It is essentially about keeping those we help focusing on Christ and keeping their lives open to his grace in the fullest possible way.

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Coach

Coaching is a response to Paul's challenge 'to equip the saints for the work of ministry'. (Eph 4:12)

· Providing help in understanding and maximising their ministries.

· The artisan/apprentice relationship or the coach of anindividual sportsperson or team, are good

models. · Mentors may involve mentorees in aspects of their

own ministry to observe and for them to perform certain tasks,

· Followed by time for reflection on both the mentor's and mentoree's performance.

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Counsellor

Degrees of counselling, from a word of advice

to an ongoing relationship with a highly trained professional.

Make referrals to professional helpers when appropriate.

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Teacher

· Integral to most of what a mentor does.

· People learn both formally and informally.

· Mentoring focuses more on informal learning.

· Experience based learning.

· Reviewing of life and ministry experiences, the exploring of options for the way ahead, and planning accordingly.

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Sponsor

Mentors use their position to

· benefit mentorees through their extensive contacts, and

· protect their mentorees.

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Pastor

· Servanthood, an essential aspect of pastoring, is best modelled by Christ.

· Peter's moving dialogue with Jesus after the resurrection.

· Christian mentors will be shepherds to their mentorees as they care for, protect, guide, nourish, comfort, heal and encourage.

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Model

Much of human behaviour is learnt by the observation of models

• Modelling is the greatest form of unconscious learning.• Mentorees need models as visual aids.• Jesus’ disciples learnt so much from just being with him.• Paul urged his readers, ‘Whatever you have learned or

received or heard from me or seen in meor seen in me – put it into practice.

• Probably most of what our mentorees learn from us will be learnt just being with us, from observing who we are – our being, what we do and the way we do it, our attitudes, our values and our behaviour.

• John U’ren – ‘Do they see your priorities and values?’• Biographies and autobiographies of contemporary and

historical Christian leaders.

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Encourager

Mentors must be encouragers. If a mentoree goes away discouraged, we have failed. There should always be a positive and helpful outcome. There will be times when we will speak firmly, even reprimand, but it must always be from a gospel perspective of hope.

Scripture is a major source of encouragement.

The ultimate encouragement found in God.

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Encouragement• ‘Good Words can make an anxious heart glad’ (Prov 12:25)

• Failure To Speak can cause discouragement.

• Attitudes influence the effectiveness of mentoring

• The Need To Encourage - to positively influence increased godliness (1 Thess 2:11,12), to inspire courage in the face of trials (1 Thess 3:2,3), to hearten as one hears of the faith and love of others (1 Thess 3:6-10), and to facilitate spiritual development (1 Thess 5:11).

• Scripture - a major source of encouragement.

• The Ultimate Encouragement will be found in one’s relationship to God.

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Mentoring Styles

Factors Which Determine Style• Our temperament - affects ...the manner in which we act, feel

and think.• Our perception of mentoring

– mentoree-centred, concerned mainly with his or her personal development and well-being

– performance-centred, getting a task done well

Directive and Non-directive Styles• Directive mentors can often become manipulative, keeping the

mentoree in a highly dependent role. (Not all unhelpful.) • Non-directive mentors act gently and reassuringly.

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Mentoring Styles cont...

Functional Style• A functional mentor responds to

the needs of the mentoree in varying situations.• Flexible in their styles.• Both mentoree- and performance-centred.• Holistic in their approach

Grace-Givers and Truth-Tellers• Grace-giving ‘ the art of empowering or encouraging

someone in their ministry or their station in life’.• Truth-telling ‘is the art of informing someone about objective

reality’.

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Grace-givers

Friend CheerleaderKind

wordsSuggests Listens Process

Truth–

tellersBoss Supervisor

Hardwords

Assigns Tells Product

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Personal development - Performance

Being - Doing

Process - Outcome

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Grace-GiversGrace-Givers & & Truth-TellersTruth-Tellers

Grace-GiversGrace-Givers - Inspire- Empower- Encourage- Mentoree-centred

Truth-TellersTruth-Tellers - Inform- Give advice- Instruct- Direct- Performance-centred

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Jesus’ StyleJesus’ StyleOur ultimate model of style

• Jesus knew how to respond to the ever-changing situation of his disciples

• A servant leader but authoritative

• Spoke encouraging words but reprimanded

• Listened but knew when to instruct

• Cheered on

• ‘Full of grace and truth’ (John 1:14)

88

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Your Personal Mentoring Resources

Here are some of our possible resources:

• Who you are in Christ

• Who you are as a person

• Your spiritual gifts

• Your knowledge and understanding of the Scriptures

• The skills you have developed

• Life experiences

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• Ministry experiences

• Just being a good listener

• Your ability to encourage

• Your availability

• Your network of relationships

• Your knowledge of available resources

• Your influence with systems and organisations (for sponsoring)

cont...Your Personal Mentoring Resources cont

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Our Personal Mentoring Resources

• Who you are in Christ is the essential resource.Who you are in Christ is the essential resource.

• Without this resource, none of us can effectively undertake Christian mentoring.

• Our experiences of Christ will vary and so will our spirituality,

but the one constant is that we have a personal, living relationship with him.

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Beginning As A Mentor

• Personal Reflection

Pray

Reflect on past experiences

– Help you have received

– Help you have given to others

Identifying potential mentorees

Refer to the ‘life stages’ as a framework for your thinking.

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Developing Your Network

God Always Goes Before– He takes the initiative

Reflect on– Your network of relationships– Your mentor(s) mentorees will usually be there

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• Keep alert to unspoken cries for help

• Issue open- ended invitations

• Recognise approaches from potential mentorees

• Don’t be quick to commit yourself

Discovering A Mentoree

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"Never hesitate to contact me

if you think I can be of help

- I mean that!"

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The Crucial Role Of Prayer

• The Need For Prayer SupportThe power of collective prayer

• Prayer With Mentorees

• The Need For Prayer In Effective MentoringPersonal spirituality and mission, Prayer and work, Faith and action, Withdrawal and participation

All Belong Together

Jesus said, ‘Without me you can do nothing’ (John 15:5b).

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Build Build

YourYour

Prayer BasePrayer Base© John Mallison 1341.2

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Prayer Strategy

Unknown Supporters

Prayer Partners

Prayer Chain

Prayer Groups

Intercessors

Own time with God

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IntercessorsIntercessors

Prayer ChainPrayer Chain

PrayerPrayer PartnersPartners

GeneralGeneral

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The Model Of Jesus' Prayer LifeThe Model Of Jesus' Prayer Life

Through times of solitude with his Father he maintained that intimacy which undergirded and empowered

his whole life and ministry.(Mark 1:35; Luke 6:12-

15)

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• Although Paul had great gifts and held an

eminent place in the early church,

he was dependent on the prayers of others.

• Strong example of

personal humility and

mutuality of Christian Community.

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Eph 6:19,20 “Pray also for me, that...”“Pray that I may...”

Col 4:3,4 “Pray for us that...”“Pray that...”

1 Thess 5:25 “...pray for us”

2 Thess 3:1, 2 “Pray for us that ...”“Pray that we ...”

Heb 13:18 “Pray for us.”

Co1 4:18 “Remember my chains.”

Paul Asked For PrayerPaul Asked For Prayer

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“Do not deceive yourselves by

just listening to his word

instead

put it into practice”

“… Persevere … A Doer … Blessed…”

James 1:22-25

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'It is never sufficient simply to have read God's word. It must penetrate deep within us, dwell in us like the Holy of Holies in the Sanctuary, so that we do not sin thought, word or deed.

Just knowing Scripture does not mean that it will change us or automatically prevent us from doing wrong. Scripture must be believed, must come alive for us as being important & relevant, & must be acted upon if it is to be a power of good in our lives. The power of Scripture lies in its ability to give the wanderer direction; the disillusioned, hope; the seeker, answers; the discouraged, comfort; & provide us with the words that reflect God's heart & purpose.

'God's word must become part of the way we think if it is to direct us.' (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

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These are the Scriptures

that testify about methat testify about me

John 5:39

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But these are written thatBut these are written that you may

believe that Jesus is the Christ, the believe that Jesus is the Christ, the

Son of God,Son of God, and that by believingbelieving you

may have life in his name.life in his name.

John 20:31

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The purpose of Bible study:

• to meet God in Christ

and

• to be addressed by him through the Holy Spirit

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Personal encounter

with

Jesus Christ

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THE PURPOSE OF SCRIPTURE

IS TO

NOT MERELY TO

INFORM

TRANSFORMTRANSFORM

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‘Let not Thy word, O Lord, become a

judgment upon us,

that we hear it and do it not

that we know it and love it not

that we believe it and obey it not.”

- Thomas à Kempis

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?The questions the biblical writers ask are:

• Who is God?

• What does he require of me?

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Our Theological House Our Everyday House

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Our Theological House

Our beliefs

Our ideal values

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Our Everday House

Our behaviour

Our actual values

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Our beliefs Our behaviour

Our ideal values Our actual values

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Applying God's Word To Our LivesApplying God's Word To Our Lives

• How would I be different if I took this seriously?

• What persons and situations would I view differently?

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Do not be anxious about anything, but in

everything, by prayer and petition, with

thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And

the peace of God, which transcends all

understanding, will guard your hearts and your

minds in Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:6-7

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How Adults LearnHow Adults Learn

People learn in different ways. Discover which way your mentorees learn best.

• Experience-Based LearningEvery area and circumstance of life provides an environment for learning.

Experience-based learning involves a conscious effort to process and learn from experiences on one’s own, with another person or a small group.

The apprenticeship model - the major component of learning takes place inthe workplace with a qualified person.

The most common form used by Jesus.

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The Important Role The Important Role oof Reflectionf Reflection

Reflection helps turn experience into learning. Reflection helps turn experience into learning.

It is the central factor in experience-based learning.It is the central factor in experience-based learning.

• Revisit our experiences

• Analyse what was happening

• Identify behaviour, ideas and feelings.

• The positive aspects affirmed

• Ways explored to remove the negative aspects

In mentoring, our aim is to produce In mentoring, our aim is to produce

reflective disciplesreflective disciples of Christ.of Christ.

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Our Goal…Our Goal…

To develop Reflective DisciplesReflective Disciples

who become Reflective LeadersReflective Leaders

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Mentoring As Experience-Based Learning

Kurt Lewin’s experiential learning cycle(developed further by David Kolb )

Learning is a continuous process, grounded in experience.

To learn from experience we need to take time to reflect on a specific action, thinking about it and making sense of it, then planning ways of acting more effectively in the future.

A journey of discovery rather than acting as a passive participant in a didactic learning situation - listening to a ‘teller’.

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Learning Is a Continuous ProcessGrounded in experience

ReflectAct Plan ReflectAct Plan

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Questions For Reflection

• What was your purpose

• How did you prepare?

• What went well/not so well?

• What feelings did you identify in yourself and others?

• Which of the feelings were unhelpful?

• In what ways can these obstructive feelings be removed in future similar experiences?

• What were the positive feelings?

• How can these positive feelings be utilised in the future?

• What did you learn about yourself?

• What did you learn about your ministry?

• What did you learn about ‘you in ministry’?

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• What do you think Jesus would do in a similar situation?

• What does Scripture have to say that is relevant here?

• What did your learn about God in this experience?

• What would you do the same in future?

• What would you do differently?

• (You may need to explore options and select the most appropriate - brainstorming could be helpful)

• What/who could hinder or block you in doing things differently?

How will you handle this?

• What/who could be of help?

How and when will you enlist this help?

Questions For Reflection cont...

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Special Experiences Special Experiences For ReflectionFor Reflection

• A case study

• Interviews and field trips

• A critical incident report

Brainstorming

108,109

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JournallingJournalling

Journal writing is reflective writing

Journalling introduces

the important dimension of autobiography

into learning experiences,

personalising the learning,

strengthening ownership of the experience and

the awareness of relevance for future action.

~~~~~ Remember adults learn in different ways

- some will not find journalling easy.

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Setting BoundariesWe need to know what is our task and what isn’t,

when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’.

Boundaries help us take control of our lives.

People can assume functions that in the end are not helpful,

which prevent another accepting ownership,

taking responsibility for themselves.

Christians often find this confusing.

Paul puts it well when he says,

‘Bear one another’s burdens’ (Gal 6:2)

and then goes on to say, ‘all should carry their own loads’ (Gal 6:5).

‘Burden’ - beyond our normal ability to carry.

‘Load’ - what is manageable.

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• Consult and be accountable

• Discuss the boundaries

• Be available - within reason

• Keep confidences

• Avoid excessive intimacy– Touches can be good, bad or confusing.

(Codes of Ethics)

• Allow others their freedom to develop god’s way– Don’t try to force mentorees into your own mould

Setting Boundaries cont...

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• Don’t be a perpetual rescuerRepeated rescuing only reinforces irresponsible behaviour. Mentors help their mentorees take responsibility for their lives. There are consequences to all our actions - good or bad, helpful or unhelpful, joyful or sorrowful.

• Know your own limitations - act as a bridge to specialised resources

• Engender respect for your boundaries

• Limit the time-span of your relationship

• Learn to let go– Endings are a natural part of any relationship.– Use a simple closure strategy

Setting Boundaries cont...

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1. Read the section

2. Discuss in pairs• What is new?• To what do you need to give more attention?

– Why, and how?

3. Plenary: Feedback, Questions, Discussion 4. Group Work• Discuss question given to your group• Plan a role play

5. Plenary• Performance of role plays• Discussion

Boundaries

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ASK GOOD QUESTIONS

Questions are enormously important.

The art of asking good questions is a major factor in effective mentoring. Some say it’s the most important tool.

Spending more time asking good questions, and listening rather than talking, is a good rule to follow

………………Asking good questions…

• gets the mentoree thinking for themselves

• builds confidence as they have an active and not a passive role

• gathers useful information and clarifies issues

• encourages reflection, and promotes future action

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Mentoring to Develop Disciples & Leaders

contains

247 Questions !! For reflection For the first or early mentoring sessions For ongoing mentoring sessions - Reporting back - Aspects of personal & spiritual life & ministry - Thinking through issues - Making action plans - Appraisal of relationship For peer mentoring For spiritual director’s issues For spiritual formation groups

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Active Listening

‘Seek first to understand’

Sensitive, empathetic, concentrated listening

to discover what people are really trying to communicate

is essential

in a mentoring relationship.

Indeed it is one of the most important aspects of good mentoring.

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Listening in dialogue is listening more to meanings

than to words… In true listening, we reach behind the

words, see through them, to find the person who is

being revealed. Listening is a search to find the

treasure of the true person as revealed verbally and

nonverbally. There is the semantic problem, of

course. The words bear a different connotation for

you than they do for me. Consequently, I can never

tell you what you said, but only what I heard. I will

have to rephrase what you have said, and check it out

with you to make sure that what left your mind and

heart arrived in my mind and heart intact and without

distortion.

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Silence of Love

This silence of love is not indifference;

it is not merely poverty of something to say.

It is a positive form of self-communication.

Just as silence is needed to hear a watch ticking,

so silence is the medium through which heartbeats

are heard.

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Lord, grant me

the grace of silence

that I may refrain from

hasty or prolonged speech.

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How To Listen Actively

• ‘User Friendly’ Environments– Noise can hinder

– Switch off your mobile phone or pager

– Lighting

– Seating arrangements

– Space

• Use Appropriate Body Language– Posture

– Make appropriate body movements

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• Give Feedback- Paraphrase

- Perception check

- Behaviour description

- Summarise

• Let The Other Person Lead- Invitations to talk

- Avoid overtalk

- Restrict story-telling

• Other Skills- Use ‘I’ messages

- Indicate you are with them, using ‘little words’ and ‘non-words’

- Infrequent questions

- Responsive silence

How to Listen Actively cont...

Reflect feelings Accept the feelings

being expressed Describe your own

feelings

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Active Listening

The Importance Of Listening

True Listening

• Paraphrasing• Perception check• Behaviour description• Summarise• Reflected feelings• Accept the feelings being expressed• Describe your own feelings

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Feelings People Experienced

When They Were Heard

• Accepted• Valued• Encouraged• Motivated to be open• Supported• Significant• The relationship deepened

Active Listening cont...

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Non - Verbal55-65%

Vocal38%

Verbal7%

(Tone, Emphasis, Inflection)

(Facial Expression, Body Language)

Verbal & Non-Verbal Communication

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Reverse roles when first speaker

satisfied he/she has been heard

Listener Speaker

I understood you to say…

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Let anyone with ears to hear…

Listen! Mark 4:9 (NRSV)

Listen to advice and accept instruction,

That you may gain wisdom. Prov 19:20

(RSV)

Hear that your soul may live. Is 55:3 (RSV)

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• Take The Responsibility Seriously– Mentoring is a sacred responsibility– Seek to be accountable– Prepare for each mentoring session

• Degrees Of Intensity Vary

• Practise Mutual Accountability

• Seek Out Their Real Needs

The presenting need may not be the real need

More Guidelines For MentorsMore Guidelines For Mentors

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• Setting Assignments– Mentorees work between meetings– Enable mentorees to set goals and actions during

most meetings– Sometimes be directive, giving them an assignment

• Goal SettingGoals should be: – clear and understandable– measurable– achievable– have a realistic time frame– state the desired outcome

• Be Open And Honest

More Guidelines For Mentors cont...

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• Be Prepared To Be Firm

Don’t lay unnecessary burdens on others.

However there are times when we need to be firm.Timothy was instructed by Paul to ‘correct, rebuke and encourage’ (2 Tim 4:2)

• Keep Records/notes

• Build In Some Serendipity

Plan some happy surprises!

• Take An Interest In Their Spouse And Family

• Be Willing To Receive


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• Do your follow-up

• Learn to use your phone

(Emails have limitations)

• Celebrate wins

• Trust them to God


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The First meeting A time for assessment

• Begin by getting to know each other• Share your understanding of the aims

and purpose of mentoring• Understand what is expected of you• Assess whether you are meant to continue• Setting a time frame

– for frequency of meeting– for the initial length of the relationship– agree on some guideposts


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Designs For Mentoring Sessions

Initial Inquiry‘Would you be willing to be my mentor?’

‘Let’s meet to talk about it and see how we both feel’

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Assessment SessionAssessment Session

• Get Acquainted

• Explain your understanding of mentoring

• Identify needs

• Agree on a time frame

• Introduce other matters

• How can I help you now?

• Agree on an assignment

• Pray together

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Ongoing Sessions

• Start where they are

• Report on assignment

• Discussion of ongoing or new areas of need

• Begin to help them build a prayer base

• Agree on a new assignment

• Pray together

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AccountabilityThe support that helps keep the leader and group focused. Involves oversight of attitudes, values, behaviour, spirituality and performance .

Based on the Biblical teaching of "covenant".

Ultimate accountability to God. (Romans 14:10-12)

Membership of the 'Body of Christ'- Members one of another. Need each other. ('One another’, 'each other' and 'together' passages in N. T.)- Need to moderate our individualism- Must work at maintaining unity within the ‘Body‘

Obedience and submission to leaders (Heb. 13:17)

Must reflect spirit of the Divine covenant…..Must reflect spirit of the Divine covenant…..Grace not law

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At the heart of good mentoring

AccountabilityAccountability

– Nudging in love– Openness and honesty

Avoid creating unreal guilt

In framework of

GraceGraceNot lawNot law

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PAUL’S ‘PARENTING’ OF NEW BELIEVERSPAUL’S ‘PARENTING’ OF NEW BELIEVERS(1 Thess 2)

As a ‘MOTHER’ (v.7) – ‘gentle’, ‘caring’

• We LOVED you so much

• Delighted to share with you

not only the gospel of God

• our lives

As a ‘FATHER’ (v.11)

• Encouraging

• Comforting

• Urging you to live lives worthy of God

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“Parenting” New Christians“Parenting” New Christians

What can we learn from Paul's nurture of the new Christians at Thessalonica (2:6-12) about our own attitude, behaviour and help offered when working with beginners in the faith?

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Mentoring New Christians

• Which one or two have been most helpful to you personally, in your early Christian development?

• Which do you consider to be the four most important in this list?

• With which would you begin when working with a new Christian?

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Mentoring In Small GroupsMentoring In Small Groups

Support And Development Of Leaders

Each leader:

• A Mentoree - On own (with exp. leader)

- In leaders’ group

• A Co-Mentor - With another leader

- One to one

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Coaching Small Group Leaders

• One-to-one meetings with co-ordinator

• Leaders' support group

• Informal mentoring among the leaders themselves

• In large networks

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Mentoring Leaders Of Small Groups

One-to-one Meetings With Co-ordinatorFocus is upon

– leadership style– keeping the group life vital – understanding and helping group members– helping members to learn and keep growing, etc.– the leader’s personal life

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Mentoring Leaders Of Small Groups cont…

Leaders’ Support GroupFocus is upon– ongoing development of group and leadership

skills– difficulties encountered– celebration of successes– sharing of ideas, resources, new insights

gained– caring for one another– worship and prayer together

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• Informal Mentoring Among The Leaders Themselves– in pairs to co-mentor each other

• In Large Networks– leaders are grouped in fives (‘Tree’ structure)

Mentoring Leaders Of Small Groups Mentoring Leaders Of Small Groups cont…cont…

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• Difficulties discussed

• Successes celebrated

• Ideas, resources, insights shared

• Evaluation & planning

• Pastoral care

• Peer mentoring

• In-service training

Leaders’ Support GroupsLeaders’ Support Groups

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Mentoring In Large Networks(Tree Structure)

G roup Leaders

G rou p L ead er 1 G rou p L ead er 2 G rou p L ead er 3 G rou p L ead er 4 G rou p L ead er 5

Co-Ordinator

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Network Leadership Team

Level 1 Coordinator

Level 2 Leadership

Level 3 Leadership

Coordinator Level 2

Level 2 Level 3

Mentoring

Network Leadership Team

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Mentoring Emerging Small-group LeadersMentoring Emerging Small-group Leaders• Healthy, growing groups are seedbeds

for identifying and beginning to develop new leadership.

• Group leaders need to know :– how to recognise potential leadership– how to nurture their potential.

• Leaders should consult with their own personal mentors and leaders’ group

• Identify, affirm, develop and use the new potential leader’s gifts, provide needed support and ongoing mentoring

• The emerging leader will be given increasing responsibilities– a potential leader first needs to

learn to servebe affirmed and endorsed as an apprentice leader

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Mentoring In Small Groups cont…Mentoring In Small Groups cont…

Development Of Emerging Leaders• Identification - By Group Leader

- Confirmed by other leaders

• Development - In group

- Mentored by leader

- In Leaders’ Community• Affirmation by their own group

Mentoring In Small Groups• Members - By leader

- By group

- One to one 30/10

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• Issue (or acknowledge) call• Discernment, affirmation &

development of gifts• Personal & spiritual development• Skill development• Involved in leadership (support in

preparation)• Reflection on performance• Pastoral care• Sponsoring

(consultation with mentor/coordinator)

Group Leader Mentors Emerging LeadersGroup Leader Mentors Emerging Leaders

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Note needs, concerns, etcShared by partner in group

Support between meetings

Group Members Peer MentoringGroup Members Peer Mentoring

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Mentoring In Discipleship Groups

• Keep small enough to permit the leader to mentor

each member individually

• Follow a planned series of topics

• Be sensitive – this is a “kindergarten” class

• Allow time to deal with immediate issues

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Mentoring In Spiritual Formation Groups

Groups of three or four people

• Seek to take their discipleship more seriously.

• Make a simple covenant to ‘watch over one

another in love’.

• Choose a few questions to keep asking each

other.

• Be “grace-givers”!

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Renovare Groups (‘to renew’)Renovare Groups (‘to renew’)

• contemplative (the prayer-filled life)

• holiness (the virtuous life)

• charismatic (the Spirit-empowered life)

• social justice (the compassionate life)

• evangelical (the word centred life)

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Life Transformation GroupsLife Transformation Groups

Focus:– peer mentoring – discipling of pre-Christian friends

• Two main elements of accountability– open, honest sharing based on the Ten Questions of

Accountability– reporting on how God has gained each person’s

attention through Scripture.

• Each identifies two not-yet Christian people who

become a prayer focus

• A specific prayer guide

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MENTORING A MINISTRY TEAM

• Ministry Team (Peer) Mentoring

– Team in Pairs to Build a Supportive Team Spirit

– Regular Meeting Times

– Occasional Retreats Away

– To Encourage and Learn From One Another

to Build a Supportive Team Spirit

• Attitudinal Mentoring

Attitude of the Team Leader Critical to

– Affirm and Build Self Esteem

– Maximise Potential

– Facilitate Growth

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• Formal MentoringWeekly or bi-weekly by leader with each member

• Resource MentoringBooks, casettes, videos, seminars

• Sponsorship MentoringOpening doors to key leaders and ministry opportunities

• Personal MentoringTeam leader’s accountability to:– church council– the team

• Reciprocal Mentoring

Mentoring A Ministry Team cont...

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?When working in a team, in what ways did

you experience:

• Personal growth• Development of knowledge/understanding• Development of skills• Support and encouragement

What can we learn from Rod Denton’s model for Mentoring a Ministry Team?

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Each Life Stage A Mentoring OpportunityEach Life Stage A Mentoring OpportunitySIGNIFICANT LIFE STAGES• Childhood• High School• Puberty• First date• Commencing university• Entering the workforce• Leaving home• Singleness• Becoming engaged• Marriage• First child• Unemployment• Coping with divorce• Middle age• Retirement• Loss of a partner or life long-friend

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Mentoring NewlywedsMentoring Newlyweds

Older married couples help newlyweds

during their first year of married life together.

The amount of time the couples spend together

is not prescribed.

(Doctors Les and Leslie Parrotts’ resources)

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Life StagesLife Stages

Focus on the period assigned to your group:

a) 0-25 b) 25+ or

1) 0-16 2) 16-35 3) 35-50 4) 50+

• What additional stages would you add to the list on page 161 for the period with which your group is dealing? (List these on the worksheet provided.)

• Discuss the needs and possible appropriate help for a few of the stages you listed (or for a few in the book).

- Note your answers on the worksheet. 32/3

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Mentoring at Various Life Stages

• Select one of the life stages discussed.

• Identify the specific needs and areas of vulnerability of that stage in life. (Make notes in column 2.)

• Discuss the role of a mentor in offering help to persons in this life stage. (Make notes in column 3.)

Major Stages Needs etc Help to Offer

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Life Stages

KindyPrimaryHigh schoolSibling issuesPubertyIndividualisationSex / drugs / music / alcoholDriving a carEmploymentUniversityIndependent livingMarriageStarting family (or not)UnemploymentParenting

Home ownership

Financial commitments

Promotion in work

Overwork

Divorce

Menopause

Grief and loss issues

Purpose of life (midlife issues)

Retirement

Transition in family structure

(From follower to leader)

Singleness

Major illnesses

Facing death

Death of spouse32/5

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Churches Mentoring ChurchesChurches Mentoring Churches

• Where A Church Plants Another Church

– The leader of the new group is in a mentoring relationship with the pastor of the mother church.

– There is a bonding between the new and the original administrative pastoral bodies.

• Adoption Of Small Or Ill-equipped Churches By Strong, Dynamic, Larger Church– The degree of support will vary. However, even

evidence of genuine interest, prayer support, encouragement and occasional provision of individuals and teams to share the ministry to assist them in teaching, evaluation and planning will be valuable.

– Whatever support is offered must be realistic and manageable.

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Implementing A Mentoring SystemImplementing A Mentoring System

• Model Mentoring Yourself

Practical demonstrations are a good way to help others catch the vision.

• Gather A Small Group Of Potential Mentors– Share your vision– Pray and think together– Get them reading this, and other mentoring books– Encourage the formation of peer relationships with each

other– Mentor a few yourself– Undertake training together– Use this book

• Determine The Areas Of Need

Consider the various ‘life stages’ represented

• Plan Together (See questions at the end of this section)34/1

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• Promotion In The Gathered Life Of The Church– A sermon series– Studies in the regular small groups– Sharing of faith stories in regular acts of worship– Weekly news-sheet– Mention in the intercessory prayers

• Pairing Of Mentors And MentoreesAccording to common interest, passion, commitment, vision and ‘chemistry’.

• Mentors Support ClustersInclude: – relationship building– reporting progress– sharing of ideas and resources – mutual ministry

• Supervision And SupportBy a professionally trained carer (if available) with a passion for mentoring– meets with each mentor on a regular basis– available as a consultant

Implementing a Mentoring System cont..

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A Mentoring Scheme Implemented In A Church

A Mentoring Scheme Implemented In A Church

• Practical training program of monthly workshops spread over one year plus a weekend retreat.

• Now each participant is mentoring one or two mentorees.

• All mentors are encouraged to have their own mentor.

• Program and individual mentors are supervised by the pastor and three elders.

• The three elders meet individually with the pastor for supervision.

• Each in turn supervises a few mentors.

• Mentoring done on gender basis; meetings usually monthly

• Social activities, sharing in ministry, attendance at training events and other special gatherings together are encouraged.

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A Simple Planning ProcessA Simple Planning Process

• Determine the ‘life stages’ groups represented in your church

• Identify the needs of each life stage group

• Identify your resources (potential mentors etc)

• Decide where you will begin?

• Build in support and supervision

• Plan training

• Undertake enlistment

• Set date for commencement

• Use realistic promotion 34/4

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Modelling Mentoring

Why is it essential for the person heading up the implementation of a mentoring system to model mentoring themselves?

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Gathering Potential Mentors

• How would you select and enlist these people?

• Are there other things in addition to those suggested which you would seek to accomplish in these gatherings?

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Mentors' Support Clusters

Suggestions are made on p.172 regarding what to include in these meetings.

• How wouId you do what is suggested?

• What more would you include?

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Pairing of Mentors and Mentorees

• Discuss what is suggested on p.172

• What else should guide this process?

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Biblical Preparation

If you were planning a sermon series

and / or

studies for small groups,

what would you include?

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Prayer Preparation

What suggestions would you make

to the person leading the intercessory prayers

during the period in which you are seeking

to promote mentoring in your congregation?

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• Why?

• In what areas?

• What should it cover?

• By whom?

SupervisionSupervisionSupervisionSupervision

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Why?• Prevents excesses of controlling and

co-dependency, etc• Accountability• Guidance• Framework for reflection• Submission - Support• Biblical model of ‘Body Life’ (not solo

ministry)• Encouragement• Maintains momentum• Pastoral Care

Supervision cont...Supervision cont...Supervision cont...Supervision cont...

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Supervision cont...Supervision cont...Supervision cont...Supervision cont...

Areas Of Supervision• Promoting best practice• Enriching the process through

– providing resources– planning, and– reflection (evaluation)

• Ensures ongoing skill development

By Whom?• A key leader, with the appropriate gifts,

passion etc, for mentoring• A person skilled in counselling (to do

assessments before assigning to another counsellor or to undertake counselling themselves) 34/14

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Finding A MentorFinding A Mentor

AskAsk

Pray expectantly yourself and ask others to pray

SeekSeek– Identify your needs– Select some potential mentors– Make an optimistic list– Reflect on past or present relationships– Evaluate your list– Match to your needs

KnockKnock

Approach appropriate person

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• Further Suggestions– Follow up on offers of help– Use a referral approach - seek to find a person

in their network– Talk to key leaders as special events

• Beware Of The Obstacles– Being deterred by a person’s busyness– Procrastination– Being put off by the time it will demands– Distance– Fear of transparency– Unwillingness to be accountable

• The First Meeting With Your Mentor First impressions are important

Finding A Mentor cont...

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Being A Good MentoreeBeing A Good Mentoree

What Mentors Look For· Teachable spirit· Ability to reflect· Performance

Eagerness to learn Courage to take risks A growing maturing Readiness to take responsibility

· Growth in spirituality· Responsibility· Reliability· Appreciation

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Other Things To Do

· Celebrate surprises!

· Ask for extra support

· Have your mentor meet those close to you

· Introduce your mentor to your workplace

· Keep your mentor up-to-date

· Meet costs if possible

· Pastor your mentors

Being A Good Mentoree cont...Being A Good Mentoree cont...

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Spiritual DirectionSpiritual Direction

Attentiveness to the specific detail of everyday incidents,

the everyday occurrences of contemporary life.

… Eugene Petersen

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Spiritual Direction is:Spiritual Direction is:

What we are doing when we don’t think we are doing

anything important. It is what takes place in the

corners, in the unscheduled parts of our day. We do

less of it because most of us are so tightly scheduled

or so intently involved.

It had a much larger place in pastoral ministry in

earlier centuries.

… Eugene Petersen

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Spiritual Direction takes place when:

Two people agree to give their full attention to what God is doing in one (or both) of their lives and seek to respond in faith. More often than not these are unplanned; at other times they are planned and structured conversations.

Three convictions underpin these meetings:

1. God is always doing something; an active grace is shaping this life into a mature salvation;

2. Responding to God is not sheer guesswork: the Christian community has acquired wisdom through the centuries that provides guidance;

3. Each soul is unique: no wisdom can simply be applied without discerning the particulars of this life, this situation

… Eugene Petersen36/3

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“Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ”- 1 Cor. 11:1

“Join in imitating me and mark those who so live as you have an example in us”- Phil. 3:17

“What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, do.” - Phil. 4:9

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You should do good deeds to be an example in

every way for young men. When you teach, be

honest and serious. And when you speak, speak

the truth so that you cannot be criticized. Then

anyone who is against you will be ashamed

because there is nothing bad that he can say

against us.

Titus 2:7,8

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“Consider your own call, brothers and sisters:-not many of you were wise by human standards,

-not many were powerful,-not many were of noble birth.

But God chose-what is foolish in the world to shame the wise;-what is weak in the world to shame the strong;-what is low and despised in the world-things that are not, to reduce to nothing things that are,

so that no one might boast in the presence of God.”

(1 Cor 1:26-29)37/3

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‘Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?Come to me! Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest.

Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you will learn to live freely and lightly.’

Matthew 11:28 (The Message)

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‘We announce the message about Christ

and we use all our wisdom

to warn and teach everyone

so that all of Christ’s followers

may become mature

That’s why I work so hard

and use the mighty power he gives me.’Col 1:28,29 (CEV)

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‘There are different gifts and functions;individually grace is given to us in different ways...’

‘His gifts were varied...

His gifts were made that Christians might beproperly equipped for their service,that the whole body might be built up

until...we arrive at real maturity,- that measure of development which is meant by‘the fulness of Christ.’

Ephesians 4: 7, 11-13

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‘Two Are Better Than One, because they have a good reward for their toil.

For if they fall, one will lift up the other;

but woe to one who is alone and falls

and does not have another to help.’

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

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