SURVIVAL GUIDE

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ZOMBIECLIENTZOMBIECLIENT

WARNING! UNDEAD BRAIN EATERS AHEAD!Bad clients are a plague. You might even feel like they’re cracking your skull like a breakfast egg and devouring your precious, precious brains. And no matter how many wrap-ups you do, their projects refuse to die.

That’s how you know you’re dealing with a Zombie Client.

But fear not! Whether you have an established team, or you’re just starting out, you can survive this plague.

Your key to survival is knowledge. This Survival Guide will help you:

to recognize your enemy learn tools for defeating themarm yourself with the confidence you’ll need to avoid Zombie Clients for the rest of your career

Before we developed Freckle Time Tracking, we spent 20+ years’ experience contracting & consulting at all levels, from solo hourly work to large projects for the Fortune 500 companies. And our mission is to help you! Here, have a rifle.

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Zombie Myths...And ZOMBIE realities!

Before you dive into double taps and improvised incendiaries, we must separate fact from fiction. 

MYTH: Sometimes you have to take jobs that suck, and work with clients that make you feel used — or sleazy — in order to pay your bills.

FACT: Sure, we all have to start somewhere. But if brain-eating becomes so familiar that you carry a spare spoon for your clients’ convenience… it’s time to make changes!

MYTH: Every client no matter how annoying, rude, or unprofessional is a good client because they’ll pay!

FACT: Good clients leave you with more knowledge, confidence, connections, & portfolio items. Zombie Clients eat your brains and suck your life force, leaving you less able to attract and serve good clients.

MYTH: But they’re the ones with the money… they’re the boss!

FACT: Clients hire you with money; you “hire” them, too, with your time. A client, too, must prove he or she is worth your time — and that they won’t go Zombie on you. Otherwise, you may get paid today, but you’ll end up poorer in the end.

ZOMBIE CLIENT SYMPTOMSZombie Clients cost more than they pay: They drive you crazy, eat up your time, threaten your reputation, and leave you without awesome portfolio material or referrals.  

Your job is to escape without being eaten alive. Here are the signs to watch for:

When a client is brief, unclear, or unfocused

about what they want, they may end up eating your brains. 

These clients are the ones who want to make the most changes to your work. They’ll haunt you every hour of every day for changes, tweaks, “make the logo bigger”… until your brain is devoured, or you simply give up hope. 

Signs your unclear client is about to reanimate:

• Foggy vision; “just like [Facebook/Twitter/Amazon], but different”• Everything is "quick" and "easy" to them. • "I just want a simple website."• “Let’s figure it out as we go along.”

Strategy: Run away! Unless you like living in someone else’s delusion.

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When a client bargains with you very early,

or disrespectfully, they’re trying to break your will to live (and your skull-candy shell.)

There’s a huge difference between not being able to afford your work… and behaving disrespectfully. Some Zombie Clients think all freelancers are scumbags and so low-ball you in a show of force. (They’re going to eat you alive, after all.) Other Zombie Clients compare your prices viciously to other freelancers they worked with (often times family) and try to intimidate you into folding.

Signs your client is will bite through your lollipop head on the stroke of “3”:

• They gave you a budget and now they're changing their tune.• They promise to hire you on future projects, in exchange for a lower rate today.• They tell you how good this will be for your career.• They don't want to pay you anything upfront.• They compare your rates to friends/family/former service providers (who may or may not exist).• They threaten to go with somebody else if you don’t lower your rates, rather than simply doing it.

Remember: Business is only good business if both parties are happy. You are not at the mercy of a client; but Zombie Clients want you to think you are. If you feel like you’re being herded away from the pack — the better to hamstring you, my dear — you probably are. “I don’t think I’m right for this project.” Run.

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When a client has pie-in-the-sky expectations, or a nutty (urgent) deadline, chances are good they’ll end up gnoshing on

your grey matter soonest.

Many newbie clients have unrealistic expectations about costs, timelines, or the potential success of their project; that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll end up shambling towards long pig BBQ.

The key is: How do they respond when you explain realistic expectations to them?

Because unreality is also a tactic used deliberately by sly Zombie Clients to beat you into a quivering puddle of submission.

Signs your client is living in la-la land and will soon get hungryyyyy:

• They want the project done yesterday.• When you explain a more realistic timeline, they try to minimize the work needed by comparing it to a bigger,

crazier project (e.g. “Hey, we’re not building Windows here! It’s just a little ecommerce site!”)• They tell you all their fantasies about how this project will make them famous, rich, a contender, etc. • “It’ll be the next _________” (Facebook, Twitter, Amazon, eBay for Nurses, etc.)

Nobody likes having their dream-bubbles bursted. But good clients react with understanding, and grow from your tutelage. Zombie Clients pick up their picnic set, and poke you to death with a fork. letsfreckle.com

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Do you have time for that new project? Don’t guess… and overbook yourself. Freckle can help… give it a try, free!

When a client asks you to do spec (speculative, aka free) work, or suggests that you should give them a “break” because

“there’s more work in it for you.”

Friends, this is the oldest trick in the book. Luckily it’s also the easiest to spot.

Again, some naïve new clients ask for you to work up a sample for them — with good intentions. And when you kindly decline, or offer them an hourly rate to do so, good clients realize they couldn’t ask a plumber to work for free, either, and they’ll pony up.

Zombie Clients double down on their persuasion:

• “I’ll probably go with you, but I need to be sure.”• “It’s a contest!”• “I treat my employees like family. Do this for me and I’ll take care of you.”• “We need to get this off the ground. Give me a discount on this one and I’ll get you back later.”• “There’s plenty of work where this comes from, if you do a good job.” • And the most devious… “I’ll give you a share of the company / profits.”

This type of Zombie Client preys on your dreams. Dreams are delicious. Don’t let them seduce you.

The moment free or promises of future remuneration come into play… do a metaphorical double tap on that contract and fleeeee!

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THE DREADED VAMPIRE ZOM-BAT

Protip: You can “fire” clients who cost more than they’re worth… and the best way to find out is to track your unbillable overhead time! Freckle is the only app that makes it instant… give it a try, free!

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FEELING LIGHT-HEADED? SYMPTOMS CHEAT SHEET

Their needs are vague. Sometimes a client needs your expert skills at getting their scope clear — other times, they are so unfocused there’s no way you can sharpen it up.

Endless changes,

endless projects,

blown budgets.

They’re bargain hunting. A little negotiation is healthy in business, after boundaries are set; Zombie Clients severely lowball, or attempt to guilt-bargain you down, from day 1.

“My cousin Eddie

could do it for

$1,500.”

Unrealistic expectations/deadlines. To some degree, you’ll have to help newbie clients be realistic. Zombie Clients are unrealistic on purpose, to squeeze & pressure you. Or they’re high as a kite on their own aspirations, and next up… the munchies.

“What do you mean, 2

weeks? This isn’t

Microsoft.”

“Facebook killer.”

Spec work. Promises of future work. Sometimes clients ask for examples because they’re nervous. Zombie Clients will gladly pay you Monday for a hamburger (aka brains aka free work) today.

(For those unfamiliar with the Hamburgler… this is a joke that means “Those riches will appear just after the heat death of the Universe.”)

“I’ll treat you like

family! Just do this for

me and there’ll be

plenty of projects in

the future!”

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So you’ve realized you’ve got a Zombie Client, or a whole pack. Or, luckily, you have none shambling after you currently, but your scars show the tell-tale gnaw marks of the past.

The first step is: Don’t panic.

It’s incredibly hard to salvage a relationship with a Zombie Client — they are the undead, after all — but you can minimize their impact, and learn to avoid them in the future.

Your basic philosophy is this:

• Know your worth. Let petty manipulation and price jabs flow over you. They’re a sign it’s not a good match.• Keep relationships fully professional. Remember that your client isn’t your friend, and that promises of future

work, friendship, or promotion are not exactly business kosher. • Set and meet sane expectations. Example: “I batch all small requests every Tuesday from 2 to 5 pm. You can email

me any time but I will only respond then.” And give them only a business phone number.• Trust your gut, and flee when necessary. Every mistake we’ve made when freelancing was preceded by a bad

feeling. We talked ourselves out of it: “But look, he seems so nice.” “There’s a contract.” Etc. etc. Bad move. When in doubt, decline.

And if you can’t think of a polite way to decline, simply say “I’m sorry, I’m not available after all. Best wishes.”

HELP! ZOMBIE! WHAT TO DO IN A FEEDING FRENZY

Don’t panic when facing cold-hearted clients. Follow these 10 rules instead!

1) DON'T put yourself on sale for a client.  You're an expert and the client is lucky to have you. Your price isn't high because you're greedy, it's high because you do great work!

2) DON'T try and sell a client you haven't thoroughly evaluated.  Remember: They pay with money, you pay with opportunity cost. Look for a win-win relationship.

3) DON'T let the client become the boss. It’s your job to ensure you do your best work. Remember: You don't work for the client, you work with the client.  

4) DON'T spoil the client.  They won't respect you if they can walk all over, any time, anywhere. Set sane expectations for communication & turnaround… and keep them. 

5) DON'T give clients freebies.  You're running a business, too. If you let some clients run you ragged, your other clients lose (and so do you). 

6) DON'T pretend your ultimate joy in life is pleasing a client.  This will just make them power hungry, needy… and oozy. 

7) DON'T believe a client who is all talk. If they're always talking about how good they'll be for you, they're already heartless… and looking to snag yours. 

8) DON'T believe that a contract will save you. A contract is only as good as the money you can use to enforce it. When in doubt, flee. 

9) DON'T believe that the client is your friend. Professional distance is your friend. For many, a veneer of friendship is an excuse to walk all over you (and devour your organs).

10) DON'T say "yes" to everything. Taking on too much means you can’t produce your best work. Nobody wins — certainly not the people you said “Yes” to. It's okay to say no, clients do it all the time!

SURVIVAL

How to Be Confident Yep, all our best advice boils down to: Know the signs and Act with confidence to protect yourself! And now you know the signs.

But where does that confidence come from?

Your best weapon is constant awareness. You’d think Zombie Clients would announce themselves with a grunt, a lurch, and a tremulous hand, reaching. But many of them are remarkably stealthy. A client may seem pulse-a-riffic at the outset, but slowly, slowly, the scope creeps… the change requests dribble in, then tsunami in… the interruptions start once a week, then daily, then hourly.

It starts with thinking, “Oh, this little change will only take 3 minutes, I’ll do it now and not bother to bill them.” And it ends with hours and hours lost to trivialities and task switching time… and your average hourly rate plunges into the grave.

Awareness, and confidence, comes from knowing what happens, when, and how long it takes.

That’s why we built Freckle Time Tracking from the ground up to help

you combat Zombie Clients, constantly, painlessly.

IN THE FACE OF THE UNDEAD

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helps you save yourself!

Start your free trial today!

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