zero is not a number-libre

8/11/2019 Zero is Not a Number-libre

1/4

1

For Forced EntertainmentsMarathon Lexicon

First performed Kulturhaus Mousunturm, Frankfurt, 2003.

Simon Bayly

[email protected]

ZERO

[Text played back to performer via recording on CD/cassette Walkman, performer out from behind anytable or chair, right at the front, grandstanding a little, its nearly the end after all.]

I am zero.

Zero is not just a number. It also means something elselike failure ortotal uselessness: shemade no baskets, or, he made zero baskets -- meaning he failed to scorein basketball. Or hegave zero assistance, showed zero tolerance, demonstrated zero respect.

Zero is often used in the description of an undesirable individual. It is not uncommon these daysto hear, on dating scene, the phrase "get rid of the 'zero' and get yourself a hero".

I am zero - the quantity of nothing. Take a look [look up to audience for a bit].

I could have been nothing all on its own, a numberless nothing. That choice was not offered to

me. I was looking to forward to being nothing. I put in my bid, but nothing was already taken[vacant half-gesture of pointing out the nothing speaker]. Nothing comes before zero and someinteresting stuff was said about nothing. In fact there was a lot of interesting stuff before this,

which leaves nothing or not much to really say about zero. Roughly zero.

So I am zero. It feelsit feels all right, not too serious. Better than zygote or zebra or zabaglione.Or zeitgeist.

So, whats left to say? [uneasy pause] Iszero a number? Consider the following scene:

[Other performers to do Ernie and Bert?]

Ernie: I've put a number of biscuits in that Jar. You can have them if you give me your teddy.Bert: Great.

Bert hands over the teddy and looks eagerly in the jar.

Bert:Wait a Minute. There's No Biscuits Here. You Said You Put a Number of Biscuits inThere.Ernie: That's right, zero is a number.

[sensing possibility of being upstaged by Ernie and Bert]


2/4

2

[Reading] Clearly some sort of an avoidance mechanism is in operation. The name itself invokesa kind of anxiety perhaps associated with "nothingness", a kind of emptiness which humankindfinds uncomfortable and prefers to avoid confronting. As with all such anxiety- provoking ideas,some other imagery is substituted which provides a veneer to mask the disquieting emotionalundertones of the discomforting idea. Zero represents the amount of nothing.

Its quite late. Has this finished yet? Does anyone have a watch? You are anticipating that this isthe ending. We already had some interesting stuff about the end, hours and hours ago, way beforethe end. Normally, I like endings which reveal too much, far too much. But this time, everythingthat could have happened seems to have already happened.

Are you tired? I feel okaya bit shitty actually. Id rather not talk any more, but there you go.This is theatre, so there has to be some talking, otherwise it would bewell it wouldbedance?.mimeor what? This is theatre, isnt it?

I should be under my duvet back in 1973 waiting for all the numbers on my red LED digitalwatch change - to zero. Did you ever do that? Stare at a digital watch, watching the numberschange from one into another, change from two three five nine to zero. All the zeros. And thenstarting all over again. I dont have a digital watch any more. Does anyone have one? I dont meetpeople with digital watches. Some train stations have them still, digital but still mechanical, not

just LEDs, you can hear the numbers clicking over like they dont care about anything. Thesound of the numbers clicking over. As I was listening to that somewhere, once I heard the pre-recorded announcement about the late night train that wasnt coming. It stuttered not thevoice of the announcer, but the message itself, hiccupping, swallowing, swallowing and re-swallowing itself. But Im rambling. Sorry about that. Lets get back to zero.

Why dont I read to youto pass the time. A lot of time has passed todayyesterday. In caseyoure wondering, this - what I am doing now - is not actually reading more likeventriloquismthere was a lot of interesting stuff about ventriloquism before, very sophisticated,yes, very high level ideaswere you here? Maybe you missed it. Well it was good stuff and very

well spoken, yes, very well read should I say. Rather well read. Wather well wed. Can you see mylips moving? Can you? Thats because my technique is very good. No one can do this better thanme. No one. Theres a lot of talent locked up in my body. Yes there is, there is and there is a

whole lot more to it than reading aloud. A WHOLE LOT more.

All that other stuff - oh yeah and there was really a lot of VERY interesting stuff about technique

and I should know about that all that stuff theres been about nerves and children and rhetoricand fucking and failure and piss and torture and video and breathing and climax, all that was saidor read, well you know that, it all adds up to zero. [Pause] Yes it does. And I am zero. Here I am.I am really doing this. And - guess what - zero comes last! Did you figure that out? Well done,

well done. . Thats right, theres nothing after this! Its all planned out. Weve already hadnothing and the end, as well as all that other shtick. This is it. I am going to have the last word. Iam performance degree zero. Pure 100% zero performance, performance OF zero. No one willspeak after me, no one will come on, the lights will go off forever and the curtain will come downfor the last time. FOR EVER. When I walk out of here, its all over. This place is going down.No more theatre! No more getting up and down, up and down, moving about, no more

important-looking running around, going on, going off, no more jumping, no more bodiescolliding, no more revealing lycra outfits, no more animal costumes, no more props, no more


3/4

3

waving around pretend guns like anyone gives a shit. Its about time, isnt it? Isnt it? No morecollecting pre-paid tickets purchased by credit card, no more publicity, no more maudlin talkinginto microphones, no more rehearsed movement sections, no more symbolic visual effects, nomore smoochy-coochy singing, no more stupid, stupid drippy atmospheric music, no more longand boring boring speeches, no more crappy coloured lights going on and off, no more clever

changes of scene, no more greatest shows in the world by Robert Lepage, in fact no more showsat all by anyone, no more multimedia anything, no more staged talking or reading or criticism orentertainmentand no more dancing either, no more shameless bodies paraded across theproscenium, no more waiting in the wings, no more overpriced interval drinks, no more pleaseswitch off your mobile phones and do not film or photograph the performance. Film away! Takea shot! Photograph me, why dont you? No more evil organic ice-creams served by good-lookingyoung people in black T-shirts, no more representing anything, no more making it relevant, nomore corporate sponsors, no more crises, no more witty remarks, no more sound effects, no moreranting on and on and on and on, and no more seats, the rows and rows of seats, the rowsnomore audience laughing, no more coughing, sneezing, spitting, retching, thinking, clappingno

more acting of course of course, no more acting which means no more actors, no moreprogrammes with pictures of the actors and a list of all the stuff theyve ever done in all the awfulrubbish plays theyve ever done in all the rubbish theatres in the rubbish towns that theres everbeen.

Ok, thats about covered it. I think we all recognize and understand these feelingsor are theyideas? Anyway, its all fairly familiar stuff. Yup, I think Ill stop therethe tone was okay, feelsabout right. Give it a rest. Pour me a glass of water please. Anyone got the time? Is it pastmidnight? Anyway, theres no time, so... OK, lets wind down now, relax, justjust go with it.Ill read to you:

Arithmetick (a Greek word) is a Science teaching the Manner and Use of Numbering. Thisscience may be wrought diversely, with pen or with counters, and finally the use of computer agein solving large-scale problems by means of distributed, multithreaded, and parallel algorithms.There are many amusing things in the universe, but the human mind is the most amusing of all.

Before the advent of a fairly general writing ability the finger numbers were widely used as auniversal numerical language. The numbers were indicated by means of different positions offingers and hands. In a rudimentary way we still occasionally express numbers by our fingers.

Neither the spoken numbers nor the finger numbers have any permanency. To preserve

numbers for the purpose of records it is necessary to have other representations. Furthermore,without some memory aids the performance of calculation is extremely difficult.

The use of a positional system with a zero seems to have made its appearance in India in theperiod A.D. 600- 800. Around A.D. 800 the system was known among the Muslims in Baghdadand it gradually superseded the older type Arabic numerals. One of the greatest Muslimmathematicians of this time was Mohammed ibn Musa al-Khowarizmi, whose work, Al-Jabr wal-Mqabalah contributed much to the spread of calculations with the new system, first in theMuslim world and later in Europe.


4/4

4

The concept of number is the obvious distinction between the beast and man. Thanks tonumber, the cry becomes a song, noise acquires rhythm, the spring is transformed into a dance,force becomes dynamic and outlines figures.

[Theatre seems to have re-appearedLook up from text in desperation]

It is difficult to explain zero to people. Even teachers.

Zero is the only digit which cannot stand alone. It is a lonely number, lonelier than one. Itrequires some sort of companion to give meaning to its life. It can go on the left. On the right.Or both ways. Or in the middle as part of a threesome. Witness "01", "10", or "102". Even"1000" [write these on the blackboard??]A relationship with other numbers gives it meaning. It is adependent number. By itself it is nothing.

In scoring for tennis, zero is called love. Because zero looks like an egg, the French called it

"l'oeuf". Which is French for "egg." Love: loeuf?

Zero is the only digit which cannot stand alone. It is a lonely number, lonelier than one. Itrequires some sort of companion to give meaning to its life. A relationship with other numbersgives it meaning.

Zero is the only digit which cannot stand alone.

zero is not a number-libre

Documents