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Your guide to a stress-free Christmas

Thank youIndependent Age would like to thank those who shared their experiences as this guide was being developed, and those who reviewed the information for us.

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Contents

1. About this guide 2

2. Budgeting for Christmas 3

3. Lo neliness at Christmas 10

4. Staying in touch 16

5. Celebrating Christmas with someone with dementia 19

6. Christmas and care homes 22

Date of publication: October 2018

Next review date: October 2019

© Independent Age, 2018

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Whether or not you choose to celebrate it, Christmas can bring extra challenges, both financial and emotional. This guide helps you stay on top of things with tips on budgeting, family relationships, and what to do if you’re feeling lonely.

We spoke to older people about their experiences. Their quotes appear throughout.

In this guide you’ll find references to our other free publications. You can order them by calling 0800 319 6789 or visiting independentage.org/publications.

If you’re looking for general tips on how to stay well and warm in the cold weather and make winter more affordable, read our guide Winter wise.

1 About this guide

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Costs can add up, with an average Christmas spend per household of £500 on top of everyday costs. It’s worth setting a budget and saving towards it from several months in advance.

Consider making a list showing what you intend to spend on different areas, otherwise you can easily overlook a cost. For example, you might have estimated the cost of presents, but have you thought about gift wrap and postage costs?

Try our online budget planner to work out how much you should be saving (independentage.org/christmas-calculator) or use the pull-out template list on page 5 to get started.

2 Budgeting for Christmas

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Buying presentsRemember, you don’t have to spend more than you want to. If you’re worried about other people’s expectations, you could talk to friends and family about setting a budget for how much you will spend on each other’s presents.

If money’s tight, limit gifts to close family and friends. Don’t feel obliged to buy for people you don’t talk to regularly.

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My Christmas list

My overall budget£

PresentsName: £

Name: £

Name: £

Name: £

Name: £

Cards and gift wrap£

Postage£

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Decorations and tree£

Food and drink shopping£

Eating out£

Entertainment£

Travel£

Other£

£

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Spending on grandchildren can spiral, so you might want to talk to family members about your approach to this. If you give grandchildren money, you might have increased the amount as they got older but find this is becoming unsustainable. Some people set an age limit on buying for children. For example, you might choose to send gifts of money until they are 18. After that, you could still exchange cards or small presents with each other if you both wanted to. Make sure you only give as much as you feel comfortable with.

Start shopping early – you can pick up bargains in sales throughout the year, but if you’re buying gift vouchers make sure you check expiry dates. You could also consider making presents, such as

I’ve still got the jumper my grandma knitted me 20 years ago. Gifts of money are appreciated at the time, but those are the things you really treasure.

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cakes, photo albums or home-made felt decorations. These can even be more valued than a shop- bought gift.

For general tips on saving money, see our free guide Moneywise.

Is it a good idea to use a Christmas savings club?

Be careful if you’re considering signing up to a Christmas savings scheme. They vary in how they operate and how much protection you’re given, you won’t get any interest on your savings and you’ll have limited choice in what you can buy. It’s worth considering other options – the Money Advice Service has more advice on where to put your Christmas savings (0800 138 7777, moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/christmas-savings-clubs-and-schemes).

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TravelIf you’re taking a Christmas holiday or visiting friends and relatives, the cost of travel can add up. If you’re travelling by train, look for cheap fares well in advance. Cheap advance tickets usually go on sale around 12 weeks before the date you’re travelling. Public transport can also be very crowded, so book seats in plenty of time if you can.

You could buy an annual Senior Railcard (£30; 0345 3000 250, senior-railcard.co.uk) or Senior Coachcard (£15 + £2.50 postage; 0871 781 8181, nationalexpress.com/en/offers/coachcards/senior). These are for people aged 60 or over and offer 1/3 off many fares. They could save you a lot of money over the course of a year.

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You may enjoy spending some time on your own, but if you’re worried about feeling lonely over the Christmas period, start thinking about simple ways to alleviate this.

1. Plan your time alone to make it a positive experience. Could you indulge a hobby like going to the theatre or watching your favourite film, and make sure you have all the foods you like in the house?

2. Think of ways to contact people you can’t see in person. Perhaps you could ring them, email them or use Skype to call free between two computers, tablets or smart phones – useful if people are living abroad and phone rates are high. Some apps also let you make free voice or video calls.

3 Loneliness at Christmas

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3. T alk to someone. The Silver Line (0800 4 70 80 90, thesilverline.org.uk) is a helpline specifically for older people, providing emotional support and advice. It’s open 24 hours a day, every day, including at Christmas.

4. Expl ore new ways to meet people. You could

see if there are any events happening in your area, like carol services or community lunches on Christmas Day. The charity Community Christmas lists events (0800 063 9285, communitychristmas.org.uk). Online forums can also be a good way to meet people with similar interests. For example, Gransnet (not just for grans!) is a social networking site for anyone over 50 (gransnet.com).

5. If you want some help to get out and about, the Community Transport Association can help you find community-run transport services in your area (0345 130 6195, ctauk.org/find-ct-provider).

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6. Consider volunteering. This helps others and can be a very rewarding experience for you. Investigate opportunities in your area. Independent Age volunteers make regular calls or visits to older people. You could apply to be a volunteer or request calls or visits for yourself (0800 319 6789, independentage.org/volunteer). The Retired and Senior Volunteer Programme also helps over-50s find opportunities to use their skills and experience in the community (020 3780 5870, volunteeringmatters.org.uk/pillars/ older-people).

Most people will feel lonely at some point, but if you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness, help is available. Read our guide If you’re feeling lonely for more ideas.

If you’re feeling distressed and want someone to talk to, you can call Samaritans on 116 123. They don’t only help with suicidal feelings – you can talk about whatever is troubling you.

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If you’re worried about someone you knowCheck on people you know if you’re not sure how they’re feeling about the festive period. If you have a neighbour who lives alone or a friend whose family will be away this year, chat to them about their plans. It might be that they’re happy to be on their own, but if it sounds like they could do with some company, see if they’d like to pop round for a coffee or go out of your way to say hello to them more often than usual.

People can be quite good at checking whether acquaintances will be alone on Christmas Day, but forget to look out for each other ovethe longer festive period and at New Year. The run-up to Christmas can be worse for some people.

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Christmas after someone has diedIf you’ve been bereaved, special occasions like Christmas can be particularly difficult. You may not feel like celebrating but could still find it helpful to have people around you. You might want to do something in memory of the person who has died. This could mean celebrating as normal, sharing memories with others, or doing something different from usual like visiting a place that was important to them. Cruse Bereavement Care has useful information on coping at Christmas (0808 808 1677, cruse.org.uk/about-grief/christmas).

If someone you know has been bereaved, take your cues from them but show that you’re available if they need support or company. Allow them to grieve and feel sad; don’t push them to suppress their feelings and pretend to be happier than they are.

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Before he died, my husband loved Christmas – really loved it – and I miss that as well.

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Often, Christmas can bring more opportunities to get together with family and friends. While this can be wonderful, it can also bring extra stresses.

Here are a few things to consider:

Plan the practicalitiesIf you’re visiting family, is their home accessible to you? For example, if you need a downstairs bathroom, will that be available? If people are staying with you, will they help you with the extra catering and household chores? Be honest with yourself. How will you feel about disruptions to your daily routine? You could always look into staying at local hotels instead of with each other if that would suit everyone better, or visit each other for shorter periods.

4 Staying in touch

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Staying in touch from a distanceIf your friends or relatives live a long way away, see if you can still schedule some time to talk to each other, perhaps over the phone or by using communication tools like Skype or WhatsApp. Video calls mean you can even watch each other unwrap presents.

If you’re interested in learning how to use a computer or the internet to keep in touch, your local library or Age UK may offer classes. The charity AbilityNet also offers IT support from volunteers to older people in their own homes. Contact them to see what services are available near you (0800 269 545, abilitynet.org.uk).

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If you can’t see your family If you’re estranged from a family member, Christmas can be a difficult time. You may want to reach out to them, but try to limit your expectations and look after yourself. The charity Standalone has information on coping with estrangement (standalone.org.uk/guides) or you could speak to your GP about talking therapies, such as counselling. If you’ve lost touch with grandchildren, contact Grandparents Plus for information and advice (0300 123 7015, grandparentsplus.org.uk/what-you-can-do).

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If you’re celebrating Christmas with someone with dementia, you may need to adjust your expectations and plan accordingly. If they are in the early stages of dementia, you may want to celebrate in your usual way, but you might find

5 Celebrating Christmas with someone with dementia

l

s

Check the TV istings for a favourite classic film you might

all enjoy. My granny couldn’t remember our names one Christmas but till knew all the words to

The Sound of Music.

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you have to make changes and be more flexible as their dementia progresses.

• If you’re thinking of inviting them to spend Christmas with you, you might want to have a few trial runs at a less busy time of year to see how they cope. This will give you an idea of what might be possible and help them to become familiar with the surroundings.

• Make sure they feel involved in what is happening. Think in advance about activities they might want to take part in, such as helping to decorate the tree, singing carols, playing games with grandchildren or helping you make dinner.

• A lot of noise and group conversations might be overwhelming, so you could take it in turns to sit with them and talk to them one-to-one. Having a quiet place they can retreat to can also be helpful.

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• Don’t overwhelm them with too much food and drink and make sure they stay hydrated. Dementia can affect appetite, so they might be happier with smaller portions.

Think about how they have enjoyed celebrating Christmas in the past. If they have

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always been to church carol services or made mince pies, can you help them to carry on doing these activities?

• If you’d like to get them a Christmas present and are stuck for ideas, Dementia UK has some suggestions (dementiauk.org/christmas-gift-ideas).

Don’t worry that things aren’t perfect or are different from how you expected. Remember to look after yourself and remind yourself that you’re doing your best. Enjoy spending time with your friend or relative and focus on what is going well.

Don’t wrap heir presents too ightly as they

ight be losing se of their fingers.issue paper is asier to unwrap nd is tactile.

ttmu Tea

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6 Christmas and care homes

If a friend or relative is living in a care home, see if you can visit and celebrate with them there. Care homes will usually run Christmas activities and might encourage visitors to attend. For example, you might be able to book to have Christmas lunch with them or attend a Christmas party for relatives and residents.

If your relative would like to spend Christmas with you, let the care home staff know in advance so they can make any necessary arrangements, such as ensuring your relative has the correct medication.

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If your relative is staying with you, it’s a good idea to stick a note on their door with their name, who has collected them, emergency contact number, and estimated return time. Care homes at Christmas might have different people on shift or agency staff who aren’t familiar with everyone’s routines.

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Our practical, jargon-free advice guides give you the information you need to get the most out of older age.

To find out about our full range of guides and order copies, call 0800 319 6789 or visit independentage.org/publications

Our free advice guidesYou may be interested in…

Coping with bereavementInformation on living with grief and loss, and where you can turn for support.

Winter wiseHow to look after yourself in cold weather and tips on making winter more affordable.

MoneywiseTips on saving money and claiming any extra money and benefits you’re entitled to.

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The information in this guide applies to England only.

If you’re in Wales, contact Age Cymru (0800 022 3444, ageuk.org.uk/cymru) for information and advice.

In Scotland, contact Age Scotland (0800 12 44 222, ageuk.org.uk/scotland).

In Northern Ireland, contact Age NI (0808 808 7575, ageuk.org.uk/northern-ireland).

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